Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

On that note, what's AS's policy on violence and gore?

I think it just needs to come with a warning before the chapter of how detailed it is, or be labelled as "NSFW". I think, I'm not all that sure.

EDIT: Pageclaim for censors!

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by Allquall

I haven't written anything other than work-related crap for a long while, and my prose is really off. So, please pardon some very shitty shorts as I try to get my writing chops back into shape.

Spoiler for BATBED!:

“EEK!”

Nanoha bolted up in bed at the sound of Fate’s high scream, “Who needs to die!?”

“Stay down!” her blond friend yelled in the dark.

“Shit, Fate, at least let me get some light in here,” the brunette groaned as she wiped the sleep from her eyes and reached for the lamp on the nightstand.

“I mean it!” Fate stuttered, “Don’t move!”

‘She’s scared,’ Nanoha thought to herself as she tried to wake up, ‘but it’s not battle-scared. What the frak is going on here?’

She felt the bed sway from side to side and then realized that Fate must have been standing on it.

“Ok, I give up,” Nanoha moaned, “am I getting punked or are you sleepwalking again?”

“I’m going to get the little bastard this time,” Fate mumbled, “You just come back; I’m ready now.”

“Sleepwalking,” the groggy woman on the other side of the bed mumbled as she started to cuddle her pillows again.

“When have I ever walked in my sleep?” Fate yelled defensively while still standing on the bed.

“Well, now,” Nanoha answered mid-yawn, “and then of course there was the time you felt up Signum on that camping trip with Hayate.”

“You made that up!”

“There are too many photos that say I didn’t,” Nanoha yawned again, “Just lie down and go back to sleep.”

“Not until the monster dies!”

“What the hell are you talking about,” Nanoha barked at the blond in her black pajamas, “What kind of monster is going to attack you in the middle of a suburb? Yard gnomes? Tacky flamingos? Go back to-”

SQUEAK! SQUEAK! CHIRP! SQUEAK!

“EEK! It’s back!” Fate screamed and grabbed Bardiche.

Nanoha quickly pulled the tiny chain on the lamp, “Good Lord, Fate! You’re going to kill us both! Put Bardiche away!”

Light bathed the bedroom in time to see something black and fast bumping into the window and ceiling.

“Monster!!!”

“No! It’s worse!” Nanoha gasped, “BAT!”

“Oh, it’s only a bat?” Fate plopped back onto the bed.

“What do you mean it’s only a bat!?” Nanoha screamed, “IT’S A BAT!!”

“Do they bug you?”

“No, not at all,” the brunette replied sarcastically, “I consider it to be an honor to have a giant, blood-sucking, flying rodent bouncing off my damn ceiling!”

Fate sighed and walked toward the hallway.

“Where are you going?” Nanoha squealed and pull the covers over her head, “You’re leaving me with airborne rabies, aren’t you, traitor!”

“I’ll take care of it,” Fate yelled back from the hallway.

Nanoha clenched her teeth as the lost bat continued to find a means of escape from the overly pink room. She peeked out from the covers when she heard Fate’s footsteps.

There Fate stood in the doorway as her eyes darted back and forth watching the bat fluttering around the room.

“Fate…” Nanoha’s eyes grew wide, “Why do you have my tennis racket? You’re not-”

Fate instantly leapt up onto the bed and took a few solid overhead lobs in the direction of the unwelcomed visitor.

“Don’t kill it!” Nanoha yelled.

“What am I supposed to do,” Fate grunted and the racket whooshed through the air again.

“Take it outside!”

“I will when it’s not moving!”

“If you kill it I’ll get-“

A soft bop interrupted the argument, and Nanoha’s eyes widened even more as a mangled black ball fell onto her pink comforter with a soft thump.

“THERE ARE BAT GUTS ON MY BED!”

“See, I told you I’d take care of it,” Fate yawned and started crawling under the sheets on her side.

“Get it off the bed!”

“I’ll get it *yawn* in the morning.”

“You’ll get it now!” Nanoha ordered and wrestled the tennis racket out of Fate’s grip.

“Why?” the blond mumbled half-asleep.

“Or else I’ll be cleaning Fate guts off the bed too!”

“Huh?”

BONK!

@spawn NoW is next and currently underway, but my writing is absolute shite at the moment. I may release another Dusty Trail as a work-out, but I haven't given up on NoW.

XDD always fun seeing them act like that. Here's hoping it wasn't a real life situation

[Nanya01]

Had this song stuck in my head... HAD to modify it for Nanoha...

Spoiler for She Likes to Blast:

Sing it in time with this song.

"Nanoha. Always Nanoha. The one who likes to BLAST!" The purple haired man slammed his hands on an organ, which let out a powerful blast of steam, before he rushed through the back door.

"She always her device!
Raising Heart is at her call!"

He sang as he rushed through the people of Mid-Childa, getting them to look with vacant eyes.

"It's an ancient device that does anything...
You won't get it at a mall!"

He looked up as Nanoha was charging a magic shot, before several people jumped in the way, forcing her to cancel it, lest she hurt someone.

"Her best friend Fate is super fast!
There is no mage that is surpassed!
It's a good thing it's not lethal!
Because she really likes to blast!"

Suddenly several people started singing at the same time.

"Likes to blast! Like to blast!" Alto, Shari, Vice and Verossa sung out of nowhere as more people in the crowd got into it.

"She really likes to blast, blast, blast!
She likes to blast!"

The man threw his cape off and tossed it at her as he ran further into the crowd.

"Whether befriending her enemies
Or using an array of spells
She always has an answer
For an enemy to fell!"

The purple-haired man flew up into the air, grinning at her.

"She had no magic power!
She was just a normal girl
It's a good thing it's not lethal!
Cuz she really likes to blast!"

Nanoha looked around and started sweat-dropping as the TSAB grunt forces came out and started singing.

"Likes to blast!"

"Most dangerous magic!" The man sang as he flew by.

"Likes to blast!"

"Destroying everything in sight!" Hayate sang out as the two passed her.

"She really likes to blast, blast, blast!
She likes to blast!"

Dieci looked up. "Even with an AMF up..."

Quattro, in prison, muttered. "She's stronger than she seems."

Subaru, fighting off various criminals that had escaped from prison in the confusion, started singing as well. "Other mages often ask..."

Signum had Laevantine out and started smacking away various criminals. "Why is she the one famous for blasts?"

"She likes to blast...
She likes to blast!
She likes to blast!"

"DIVINE BUSTER!"

There was a large explosion of pink, but the guy was long gone by the time it was done.

Nanoha pouted. Just who was that guy?

"Now that... Is a secret." She heard him whisper into her ear from behind as she spun around, but no one was there.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Nanya01

Had this song stuck in my head... HAD to modify it for Nanoha...

Spoiler for She Likes to Blast:

Sing it in time with this song.

"Nanoha. Always Nanoha. The one who likes to BLAST!" The purple haired man slammed his hands on an organ, which let out a powerful blast of steam, before he rushed through the back door.

"She always her device!
Raising Heart is at her call!"

He sang as he rushed through the people of Mid-Childa, getting them to look with vacant eyes.

"It's an ancient device that does anything...
You won't get it at a mall!"

He looked up as Nanoha was charging a magic shot, before several people jumped in the way, forcing her to cancel it, lest she hurt someone.

"Her best friend Fate is super fast!
There is no mage that is surpassed!
It's a good thing it's not lethal!
Because she really likes to blast!"

Suddenly several people started singing at the same time.

"Likes to blast! Like to blast!" Alto, Shari, Vice and Verossa sung out of nowhere as more people in the crowd got into it.

"She really likes to blast, blast, blast!
She likes to blast!"

The man threw his cape off and tossed it at her as he ran further into the crowd.

"Whether befriending her enemies
Or using an array of spells
She always has an answer
For an enemy to fell!"

The purple-haired man flew up into the air, grinning at her.

"She had no magic power!
She was just a normal girl
It's a good thing it's not lethal!
Cuz she really likes to blast!"

Nanoha looked around and started sweat-dropping as the TSAB grunt forces came out and started singing.

"Likes to blast!"

"Most dangerous magic!" The man sang as he flew by.

"Likes to blast!"

"Destroying everything in sight!" Hayate sang out as the two passed her.

"She really likes to blast, blast, blast!
She likes to blast!"

Dieci looked up. "Even with an AMF up..."

Quattro, in prison, muttered. "She's stronger than she seems."

Subaru, fighting off various criminals that had escaped from prison in the confusion, started singing as well. "Other mages often ask..."

Signum had Laevantine out and started smacking away various criminals. "Why is she the one famous for blasts?"

"She likes to blast...
She likes to blast!
She likes to blast!"

"DIVINE BUSTER!"

There was a large explosion of pink, but the guy was long gone by the time it was done.

Nanoha pouted. Just who was that guy?

"Now that... Is a secret." She heard him whisper into her ear from behind as she spun around, but no one was there.

...

I think my IQ just dropped several points. XD

[Keroko]

Xellos alone would already have been alone to make that fic worth reading. <3

[Nanya01]

Originally Posted by Keroko

Xellos alone would already have been alone to make that fic worth reading. <3

Glad you liked it.

Xellos is awesome!

[synaesthetic]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

Good short! Really, the only thing I have trouble with is Fate's lack of response to Nena killing the comm officer. Obviously, this is taking place within the context of a "people are getting killed out here" war setting rather than a police action where standards apply, but...she's Fate, after all; she's adopted Nanoha's ethics not so much as ethical standards in and of themself but as articles of faith. Of course, since I haven't read the last couple of chapters of the major fic since you announced it was going to rewrite, for all I know, that particular bridge has been crossed already...

It really hasn't--at the end of 4th phase, Fate objected very strongly to Chrono's recruiting of Nena in the first place, rather than throwing her in jail alongside... Jail... to rot forever. It was actually Nanoha who spoke up in Nena's defense, which I felt appropriate despite Nena's various misdeeds. Nobody can forgive like Nanoha.

But even though Talking is a Free Action in most anime and manga, I chose to have Fate chew Nena out after everything is said and done. Don't worry, she'll get an earful of Fate's Nanoha-inspired moral code.

Pairing Fate with Nena was a very deliberate decision, especially in a wartime setting. Chrono believes that Fate is the best one to watch Nena, since her magic can pierce Nena's resistance, and Fate won't let the mercenary go overboard.

At the same time, Nena's Neutral Evil-ness, her words and actions will seriously test the foundations of Fate's Lawful Good-ness. I figure this will make for some delicious drama.

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

Stuff I like:

A Yuuno sighting! (Though, um, his name's still "Scrya"--it just sounds like it ought to be "Scryer") Better yet, a Yuuno sighting in which he's been given a nice, juicy research mystery to sink his teeth into; I'm interested already.

I've got big plans for ferret-boy. He's always been one of my favorite characters from the series and I hated seeing him put on a bus in StrikerS. I needed a good reason for an invading force made up of non-administrated worlds to attack the Bureau and its parent government, the Inter-dimensional Administration of Free Worlds.

Since it's Nanoha--definitely AU, but still MGLN--I figured Lost Logia would be as good a plot coupon as any. But rest assured, these Lost Logia are hardly normal, even going by previous examples.

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

Chrono! Heh, for obvious reasons, I approve completely of Chrono being the guy sending out missions with a pragmatic attitude. Of all the franchise characters, he's the one I'd consider best suited for the running of an actual, y'know, war.

Yes. Throughout all of StrikerS, Chrono's attitude was very pragmatic and probably the only member of the main cast that actually acted like a real-world military officer.

He's running the space war, but Hayate will likely be running the ground war. When she recovers, anyway. (read the prequel story if you want to know what happened to her)

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

I loved the bit where the lieutenant was thinking about how the attacking mage would have to stop to unleash anything to seriously hurt him. Here's a solid case of somebody who just isn't used to dealing with extreme-ranked mages (which, to be fair, are supposed to be a lot rarer than we actually see them in the series): I can think of examples off the top of my head where Nanoha, Chrono, and Signum have all stacked attacks in advance.

That's what I was going for. Mages as powerful as the Aces are utter anomalies. We're kind of led to believe that they're not, since we see the story unfold from their perspective, but most mages are nowhere near their power.

The invaders are used to killing Bureau clerks and foot soldiers. Not the Aces, so it was fitting that the recon lieutenant would severely underestimate Fate.

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

I'm intrigued by the team's armor and communications technology, grounded in mundane science rather than magic but obviously operating in the sci-fi scale of operations. Clearly there's a story there I'd be interested in hearing more about.

Thanks for posting, and glad to hear the writing urge is back!

My take on it is that the Bureau and it's parent government may run on magical tech, but the rest of the universe may or may not.

The invaders, much like the vast majority of Earth's humans, don't have Linker Cores. So they can't use magic, but they're much more advanced technologically than Earth's humans.

Not going to spoil too much, but the "main cast" of Reborn: A Magical War Chronicle should be Nena, Fate, Yuuno, Chrono, Hayate, Nanoha, Shari and Teana, with the Nena/Fate/Yuuno triad as the primary characters involved with the mysterious new Lost Logia.

The rest of the Loads and Loads of Characters are going to be relegated to background roles and cameos only. StrikerS gave us too many characters to work with, it's too hard to include everyone.

[Satashi]

Spoiler for OMG yay!:

A soft giggle came from the blonde as hands trailed over the bra hidden by the mass of hair. The almost inaudible click of the snap made her lover grin as it was slowly pulled off. Light, teasing touches went down ticklish ribs to the matching set of tie-on panties. The string was gripped between a thumb and forefinger, slowly being pulled to make the fabric go slack. "Slowly," The blonde teased, moving away playfully as one side of the panties was undone. "go too fast... and it won't be as fun, Chrono" Yuuno spoke lightly, eyes shining.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by satashi

Spoiler for omg yay!:

a soft giggle came from the blonde as hands trailed over the bra hidden by the mass of hair. The almost inaudible click of the snap made her lover grin as it was slowly pulled off. Light, teasing touches went down ticklish ribs to the matching set of tie-on panties. The string was gripped between a thumb and forefinger, slowly being pulled to make the fabric go slack. "slowly," the blonde teased, moving away playfully as one side of the panties was undone. "go too fast... And it won't be as fun, chrono" yuuno spoke lightly, eyes shining.

...

My eyes! D:

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Spoiler for OMG yay!:

A soft giggle came from the blonde as hands trailed over the bra hidden by the mass of hair. The almost inaudible click of the snap made her lover grin as it was slowly pulled off. Light, teasing touches went down ticklish ribs to the matching set of tie-on panties. The string was gripped between a thumb and forefinger, slowly being pulled to make the fabric go slack. "Slowly," The blonde teased, moving away playfully as one side of the panties was undone. "go too fast... and it won't be as fun, Chrono" Yuuno spoke lightly, eyes shining.

Bah, when I read something I tend to take in everything within my field of vision, not just the line I'm reading. I always ruin stories for myself in this way

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Bah, when I read something I tend to take in everything within my field of vision, not just the line I'm reading. I always ruin stories for myself in this way

That's an interesting talent.

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

That's an interesting talent.

More trouble than it's worth Since I take in the whole paragraph, when I looked at what Satashi wrote, 'Yuuno' and 'Chrono' registered in my brain first, completely ruining the surprise.

Sometimes I'll see an interesting looking line and I'll skip over everything else and read that line first. Especially bad when reading mystery novels when I run into something like this:

*Extremely long segment of exposition and explaining*

"Therefore, the culprit is Steve!"

So I know Steve is the culprit before I read what lead to this discovery Does this happen to anyone else?

[TheShinySword]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Spoiler for OMG yay!:

A soft giggle came from the blonde as hands trailed over the bra hidden by the mass of hair. The almost inaudible click of the snap made her lover grin as it was slowly pulled off. Light, teasing touches went down ticklish ribs to the matching set of tie-on panties. The string was gripped between a thumb and forefinger, slowly being pulled to make the fabric go slack. "Slowly," The blonde teased, moving away playfully as one side of the panties was undone. "go too fast... and it won't be as fun, Chrono" Yuuno spoke lightly, eyes shining.

YES

*starts up a parade*

[ghazghkull]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Spoiler for OMG yay!:

A soft giggle came from the blonde as hands trailed over the bra hidden by the mass of hair. The almost inaudible click of the snap made her lover grin as it was slowly pulled off. Light, teasing touches went down ticklish ribs to the matching set of tie-on panties. The string was gripped between a thumb and forefinger, slowly being pulled to make the fabric go slack. "Slowly," The blonde teased, moving away playfully as one side of the panties was undone. "go too fast... and it won't be as fun, Chrono" Yuuno spoke lightly, eyes shining.

.........my word.....

GENDER HAS BEEN BENTED!!!!

Courtesy of Satashi, the apprentice of Bender :3

[Satashi]

Amber Dreams III is finished. Thanks to Dezo for the help <3

[Nya~n]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Spoiler for OMG yay!:

A soft giggle came from the blonde as hands trailed over the bra hidden by the mass of hair. The almost inaudible click of the snap made her lover grin as it was slowly pulled off. Light, teasing touches went down ticklish ribs to the matching set of tie-on panties. The string was gripped between a thumb and forefinger, slowly being pulled to make the fabric go slack. "Slowly," The blonde teased, moving away playfully as one side of the panties was undone. "go too fast... and it won't be as fun, Chrono" Yuuno spoke lightly, eyes shining.

MOAR. we demand it. :3

[DezoPenguin]

Originally Posted by Allquall

I haven't written anything other than work-related crap for a long while, and my prose is really off. So, please pardon some very shitty shorts as I try to get my writing chops back into shape.

Spoiler for BATBED!:

*snip*

Funny bits between Nanoha and Fate, but...poor bat! Magic damage, Fate, magic damage!!!

Ein: MEOW! (trans: "The woman just hates animals, I tell you!!!")

Edit: Not Allquall, Fate. Just in case anyone was wondering.

@spawn NoW is next and currently underway, but my writing is absolute shite at the moment. I may release another Dusty Trail as a work-out, but I haven't given up on NoW.

Darned gainful employment! Can't write with it, can't buy food and shelter without it. Glad you're back writing in any case. And yeah, a new Dusty Trail chapter would be good for, er, shaking some of the dust off.

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

More trouble than it's worth Since I take in the whole paragraph, when I looked at what Satashi wrote, 'Yuuno' and 'Chrono' registered in my brain first, completely ruining the surprise.

*snip*

Does this happen to anyone else?

It happened to me, too. I kind of "gulp" paragraphs when I read, so the first thing I saw was "Yuuno" and "Chrono" before really comprehending what was going on.

Originally Posted by Satashi

Amber Dreams III is finished. Thanks to Dezo for the help <3

You're welcome. Excellent, sweet fic! I still love the sig Rick did for you for it, too.

[ghazghkull]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Amber Dreams III is finished. Thanks to Dezo for the help <3

lol Very nice references to Metroid XD

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by ghazghkull

lol Very nice references to Metroid XD

Ghaz gets bonus points!!!!

[ghazghkull]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Ghaz gets bonus points!!!!

*has achieved bonus points \o/*

*inserts Metroid music*