Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Kuroi Hadou]

Originally Posted by Lhklan

Thanks. I already have a pairing in mind (Given my track records, you should be able to figure out who and who), but it's the kinks in between that had me somewhat stumped (seeing as I've never been in a relationship in the first place. True facts )

I'm planning to have them hook up at the end, I think, since I have no idea where to go after that.

In that case, I have a bit more advice for you. The last thing you want to do is start the story off with the lucky two so perfectly compatible they hit it off, get married after a month of dating, and live happily ever after without issue. That's a bit of an exaggeration, but it gets the point across. Even becoming interested in another person takes time, doubly so when you want the relationship to work out, and don't fool yourself: Love at first sight isn't love; it's just lust. You'll want to do things like repetitive accidental meetings that slowly become habit, talks over coffee and yummy sweets, various outings, etc. You'll also want to inject personal conflict between the two through various habits, offhand comments, and even friends/family (again, that ripple thing) that color their interactions and make them doubt their compatibility.

[Lhklan]

^ I wasn't planning to have them compatible at first. They've known each other before, and the girl liked to - well, not bully the guy, but tease him and get on his nerves a lot when they were young - but they lost contact since he moved away. (Cliche, I know) He recently returned for some projects and inevitably runs into her again - he works with her sister.

[Andarkoshi]

Originally Posted by Kuroi Hadou

To be perfectly honest, that's a bad way of going about it. You've got an all-powerful bystander who's ability to influence the story is limited specifically because of that power. You've essentially wrote Shirou into such a corner his only role in the story is to be in it and give Fate a father. If you've got a character who's role is, in your own words, highly limited to begin with despite being one of the main characters, why bloat the cast and spend time writing that character to begin with when it could be spent on the characters that actually have an impact?

The problem is that it's very HARD to Nerf Shirou. To make him Fate and Alicia's father I had to make him pretty old (he is around 55-60 in the first series) and that means that he is Incredibly powerful by that point. He is older than EMIYA was when he died and because of UBW Route he HAD a head-start with his magecraft.

Well the thing is that breaking Shirou and painting him into a corner was the only way to make him Fate's father. If he didn't abandon his ideals he would probably run off again and bring trouble to his family.

Well I wanted to give Fate a father, rebuild her family and give her a happy ending. All the suffering along the way is a price for that happiness.

Also this is STILL Fate, Nanoha and Hayate's story. Shirou is a very prominent character but the focus is on the three girls. Furthermore while I said that Shirou is limited he isn't powerless.

Spoiler for the Plot:

In the first season he will take Fate in and interact with her a couple of times when she'll visit him but will be unwilling to get involved with the whole Incident. It won't be until Arf will pretty much beg him to help that he will make a move.

When Precia will inform Fate of her being a clone she will also tell Shirou (who at the time will be on Asura) that he is Alicia's father. Shirou will go to the Garden of Time and confront her about it. In the end he will cure Precia AND Alicia (who thanks to a shard of Avalon which came into her when Precia was pregnant). Later he will strike a deal with TSAB, Precia as well as Alicia and Fate will be handed to him in exchange for information about various crime syndicates and promise he won't get involved.

For A's he will confront the Wolkenritter after they attacked Precia and Fate and will force them to use up some of the pages in the book to get away. That thought will lead to more problems, Shirou fought The Book once already and used Rule Breaker on it to try and destroy it. He failed but caused major damage to the Book and it has a number of malfunctions. One of them is Reinforce being capable of appearing before the Book is complete. Reinforce has a Plan how to save Hayate but it requires completing the Book.

For StrikerS Shirou won't initially have much impact, he will be just a happy father and restaurant owner. And when he would Try to get involved Jail will inform him that he can spread the news about him all around TSAB space.

It's the Force that Shirou will be unleashed. To him Eclipse is his responsibility because he did not stop it when it was researched those 20 years ago. He will act as a free agent, independent of TSAB and will revert to his Magus Killer personality (Ruthless and Cold). In a way he might become an antagonist in Force, being a step ahead of TSAB.

In the end though... this story isn't about power, I want to focus more on the psychological things. Shirou being tormented by guilt. Nanoha trying to deal with her situation. (Her mother was nearly killed and she was left in Tsukimura's care while her family hunted the ones responsible) Fate trying to come to grips with having a father and how to deal with Precia and Alicia being alive and around. Precia recovering from her insanity and trying to mend fences with Fate. Hayate's life with her knights and her adoptive mother Tohsaka Sakura. And many others.

Not sure if will be interesting to read about it but that's more or less the story I have in mind.

[Kuroi Hadou]

Originally Posted by Lhklan

^ I wasn't planning to have them compatible at first. They've known each other before, and the girl liked to - well, not bully the guy, but tease him and get on his nerves a lot when they were young - but they lost contact since he moved away. (Cliche, I know) He recently returned for some projects and inevitably runs into her again - he works with her sister.

Ahh, the awkward childhood backstory approach. It's a classic for a reason.

One thing that might be beneficial is to have another couple to compare/contrast your main one with as they grow. It can be anyone, just so long as they're in close enough proximity to one of the main characters to actually warrant including said couple in the story.

[Lhklan]

@HK
Then don't give him a Device or anything at all. Just have him as his badass magus self. Iron pulled it off in the Vajira continuity.
@Kuroi
Huh, thanks. I already have an extra couple in mind.
Guess I'll come clean: The main is Yuuno/Due, while the extra is Chrono/Carim.

[Tiresias]

Originally Posted by Andarkoshi

Mhm this Shirou probably already has white hair so it might affect his DNA which he passes to Alicia and Fate. Magecraft can do some screwy things to a human body.

That's like saying the child of a body builder will definitely be buff. Yes, magecraft can do strange things to the body. No, that does not include the hair stuff, the only reason Alicia and Fate can get that hair is if they practice magecraft the same torturous, masochistic way as him.

Easier explanation would be that they bleach their hair so they would look like daddy. (wait, what was the premise again? I only took notice on the white hair part)

[Andarkoshi]

[QUOTE=Lhklan;4626440]@HK
Then don't give him a Device or anything at all. Just have him as his badass magus self. Iron pulled it off in the Vajira continuity.
Well his device doesn't amount to much really. He can't really use Nano magic, his device only gives him Barrier Jacket, flight and some minor magic which is actually cast by the device. It can use illusion magic to change his appearance and Maybe produce some weak protection spells. Nut much besides that.

Tiresias
Shirou thrown into Nano dimension, meeting Precia before she gave birth to Alicia and Shirou being Alicia and Fate's biological father.

Oh well I'll just go with "It's wacky genetics at play"

[Lhklan]

^ Uh, then what's the point of giving him the device in the first place? Beside, Shirou will always bleed in battle.

[Kuroi Hadou]

Originally Posted by Andarkoshi

The problem is that it's very HARD to Nerf Shirou. To make him Fate and Alicia's father I had to make him pretty old (he is around 55-60 in the first series) and that means that he is Incredibly powerful by that point. He is older than EMIYA was when he died and because of UBW Route he HAD a head-start with his magecraft.

Err... not really. First of all, take away the device and Agito. Secondly, just use the Fate route instead of UBW. From what I can tell, it doesn't serve much purpose except the Shirou/Rin/Sakuya that's just backstory at the moment. Now you have a successfully nerfed Shirou without bending over backwards working around a God Mode Sue or actually nerfing him.

Originally Posted by Andarkoshi

Well his device doesn't amount to much really. He can't really use Nano magic, his device only gives him Barrier Jacket, flight and some minor magic which is actually cast by the device. It can use illusion magic to change his appearance and Maybe produce some weak protection spells. Nut much besides that.

Originally Posted by Lhklan

^ Uh, then what's the point of giving him the device in the first place? Beside, Shirou will always bleed in battle.

That's actually what I was about to say. You can have Shirou do all of that with projection/UBW anyway.

[Andarkoshi]

Originally Posted by Lhklan

^ Uh, then what's the point of giving him the device in the first place? Beside, Shirou will always bleed in battle.

Well for one thing Precia made it for him, also it was a Snarky Companion after it developed proper personality. Kinda like Derflinger, I like Snarky Companions.

[Andarkoshi]

Originally Posted by Kuroi Hadou

Err... not really. First of all, take away the device and Agito. Secondly, just use the Fate route instead of UBW. From what I can tell, it doesn't serve much purpose except the Shirou/Rin/Sakuya that's just backstory at the moment. Now you have a successfully nerfed Shirou without bending over backwards working around a God Mode Sue or actually nerfing him.

Mhm it completely messes with all of my planning though... Besides it won't exactly work with Fate route. Fate Shirou too idealistic AND he is still after Saber. Being in alternate dimension wouldn't affect that and would make it impossible for him to bond with Precia.

The thing is Shirou is SUPPOSED to be powerful and have a reputation. He is in the story to be a father, wise guy teaching others, intimidating father to those who get close to his daughter. The fighting is mainly on the main cast's shoulders.

This isn't Teenager or early-20 Shirou who while already pretty good is still inexperienced.

Also I might have accidentally make you misunderstand. Shirou's device serves mainly as his Snarky Companion while Agito doesn't help out with the fighting. She is a grateful girl whom he saved who looks after him... at least until the Wolkies will get involved. She can't even unison with him because of the differences in their magic styles.

[Tiresias]

FYI Shirou would be a shitty father/family man. Hero complex, remember? Always going out there, trying to save people without caring for his own self?

For reference, EMIYA version of Shirou died leaving behind a lover (not one of the three heroines)

Originally Posted by Andarkoshi

Shirou thrown into Nano dimension, meeting Precia before she gave birth to Alicia and Shirou being Alicia and Fate's biological father.

And the conflict is between who?

Oh well I'll just go with "It's wacky genetics at play"

Ergh, "A wizard did it" excuse only works if the wizard can actually did that. And...I dunno, I don't really see reason to make it complicated like giving the girls his hair, really. Why explicitly go against the established set of magic for something minor?

[Andarkoshi]

Tiresias

You should Really read through all the stuff I wrote because all of the things you mentioned are brought up there.
Shirou no longer has hero complex, or rather no longer surrenders to it. He was crushed by his ideals just like Kiritsugu.
Also the hair color won't change. We were only talking How is it possible that Precia and Shirou's child had blond hair and I simply decided to go with the "wacky genetics"

[Lhklan]

Well, since this Shirou is older than Archer, I expect him to look like this:

Spoiler for Extra CCC booklet, found this online:

[Tiresias]

Any link to the original post?

Originally Posted by Andarkoshi

Shirou no longer has hero complex, or rather no longer surrenders to it. He was crushed by his ideals just like Kiritsugu.

...

... ... ...

Wut? That's...going to need a really big elaboration. Canon Shirou never went bitter about his ideals until after death. Archer died in the execution place with a smile in his face.

[Andarkoshi]

Originally Posted by Tiresias

Any link to the original post?



...

... ... ...

Wut? That's...going to need a really big elaboration. Canon Shirou never went bitter about his ideals until after death. Archer died in the execution place with a smile in his face.

This and the last page. My posts with Spoiler bits.

[Lhklan]

Originally Posted by Tiresias

Any link to the original post?



...

... ... ...

Wut? That's...going to need a really big elaboration. Canon Shirou never went bitter about his ideals until after death. Archer died in the execution place with a smile in his face.

Sadly, I lost the link to it.

... And I have to agree with Tiresias here. Since this is UBW Shirou, he should know that his ideals are inherently impossible in the first place, but still strive toward it. Beside, I doubt Shirou received an eye opener like Kiri did at the end of the 4th War.

[Andarkoshi]

Originally Posted by Lhklan

Sadly, I lost the link to it.

... And I have to agree with Tiresias here. Since this is UBW Shirou, he should know that his ideals are inherently impossible in the first place, but still strive toward it. Beside, I doubt Shirou received an eye opener like Kiri did at the end of the 4th War.

Seriously read the spoilered part. You should know about it since I described it at least two times on In Flight forum.

[Tiresias]

...okay, that miiiiiiiight be traumatizing enough...but it requires OOC on Sakura's part so much she's pretty much In Name Only. Should I point out which parts?

[Andarkoshi]

Originally Posted by Tiresias

...okay, that miiiiiiiight be traumatizing enough...but it requires OOC on Sakura's part so much she's pretty much In Name Only. Should I point out which parts?

Did you read both parts?