Muv-Luv Franchise - FanFiction Discussion

[maxxus0923]

Yandere Yuuhi??


Currently I'm writing a Yandere Yuuhi, I want to know what's your reaction to this...

[Dragonkid11]

Originally Posted by maxxus0923

Yandere Yuuhi??


Currently I'm writing a Yandere Yuuhi, I want to know what's your reaction to this...

Crack fic is always welcomed.Most of the time.

[maxxus0923]

Originally Posted by Dragonkid11

Crack fic is always welcomed.Most of the time.

nope... a serious 1 shot cross over fic...

[Dragonkid11]

Originally Posted by maxxus0923

nope... a serious 1 shot cross over fic...

In my opinion,any fanfic that seems even slightly insane(By my standard,which is a lot) is automatically a crack fic,even if the seriousness is over the top and the humour is zero.

[maxxus0923]

Don't know if you'll like this but yeah... a simple draft I had with a crossover i thought

Spoiler for A Rhapsody of a Girl:

Time skip Unknown Location General POV (A Rhapsody of a Girl)

“You’re late.”

A girl, no, a young woman said to the approaching figure, he was wearing orange t-shirt and black slacks while both of his hands were in its pockets. He has spiky blonde hair with bangs framing his face. His most distinctive facial feature was his deep blue ocean eyes and 3 whisker marks adorning either his cheeks. He is 3 years younger than the young woman she is meeting with.

“Sorry, the uncle of my friend held me off for a drink.”

The blonde young man replied in a manner bordering cold as he eyed the young woman in front of him. She had long purple hair and deep blue eyes the same as the young man he is meeting but not with the same wisdom as his eyes held despite of the young man being 3 years younger than him. She is wearing an ordinary violet kimono with lotus design. Befitting for someone of noble birth.

“I see, so how was it? Don’t you think that you are a bit too young to drink alcoholic beverages?”

She asked curiously, not masking her intentions a bit which she normally does when she is talking to every body even her family. Her companion merely raised an eyebrow to her questions.

“Old enough to be in the military old enough to drink. It was good by the way.”

He answered without hesitation while cleaning a bench for both of them to sit on. He signaled to his female companion to sit on the bench and she did so, followed her lead and sat beside her.

“Fu fu fu. Thank you.”

She thanked her male companion for the bench. She looked at him curiously while he just simply stared at her.

“You have question?”

The blond male asked.

“Hmmm... When did we start meeting like this?”

She asked her blonde male companion

“A year already, ever since that incident.”

He answered to his purple haired companion who contemplated on his answer.

“I see, it has been a long time isn’t it?”

The purple haired girl reminiscent about the past.

“Probably for you.”

The blonde young man replied as he took out two cans of coffee from his pockets. He gave one to his purple haired companion and he took the other for himself.

“Fu fu fu thank you. Tell me, why did you do it that time?”

THe girl inquired to his companion who looked contemplating at first then answered her.

“I hate cowards, and you don’t look like one.”

He answered truthfully without any hesitation. He took a sip from his coffee can.

“Fu fu fu, did I really became a coward that time?”

She asked curiously but it sounded more like she was asking herself.

“Perhaps no, perhaps yes. Only you can answer that question.”

He nonchalantly said while looking at the stars. As if contemplating about his life.

“Fu fu fu, of course it is.”

She giggled and hid her smile in her kimono sleeves. Showing the gracefulness of a true noble woman to the young man beside her. But the young man was neither fazed nor has taken notice of her beauty.

“Come to think of it... We’ve been meeting like this for a year already.”

She thought of their situation. They’ve been meeting like this for about a year and still she hasn’t lost her interest of meeting this young man. It was like a puzzle that she is fond of solving.

“Yes it has been a year since we’ve been meeting like lovers. Rendezvous when and always there is no one around... Meeting up where no eyes can see us... ”

The young blond man implied rather straight to the point as usual for her.

“Yes, we’ve always been meeting like this. I like it this way. It sounds like we are trying to hide our forbidden relationship. Just like what I’ve read, isn’t it so romantic?”

She replied with mischievous voice while hiding her smile with her hands.

“For you it is. Tell me again why am I still meeting you again.”

He replied dully as he took another sip from his coffee.

“Because I’m cute and beautiful goddess that has taken grace of entertaining a commoner like you.”

She smiled to him merrily, completely forgetting for that moment that she is of noble birth.

“Hmpf. A goddess like you should be entertaining her followers not someone who doesn’t believe in gods.”

He pointed out. Not denying her claim as a goddess.

“You’re my follower is it not? You wouldn’t be meeting me if you are not.”

She cheekily pointed out.

“You’ll keep on bugging me till I agree right?”

Obviously he knew the answer.

“Hai! After all it would be undoing for the goddess if she doesn’t take good care of her follower which is you.”

She merrily pointed out.

“Fine. Are you happy now?”

He gave up the notion of resisting the girl.

“Fu fu fu, very much.”

She again hid her smile behind the sleeves of her kimono. For the girl it this few moments with this young man was her recluse from her world. A brief moment to catch her breath on a world in a path to death. It was this young man that brought relief to her that her decision was right. For ‘her’ sake and his sake she will shoulder the responsibilities given to her as the heir of the most noble clan of Kobouin. Not for her sake but for the sake of her two most important people, him and ‘her’.

“Come to think of it, we still haven’t introduced each others name?”

She pondered. It was quite weird as both of them has been seeing each other for a year but never had they known each others name.

“You said ‘It is far better no one knew of each others name. It adds more thrill.’”

He answered while trying to mimic her voice when she said those lines.

“Fu fu fu, I see. Would you like to know my name then?”

She asked the blonde young man who was staring at her with his deep blue ocean piercing blue eyes. As if judging if it was the right time to know her name. Her personality did a complete 180 degree turn when she said what’s entitled of knowing her name to the one of his most important person.

“Once you know my name there is no going back. Only hell awaits you.”

She implied taking out the playful tone of her voice replacing it with cold uncaring voice. Showing a persona no one ALIVE has seen before, a cold, shrewd and calculative persona. As if to tell him that she will take him down with her if by any chance he betrays her. Like she did to others. He was the one who ignited this persona of hers ever since he saved her from that ‘incident’, it’s time for him to see the results of his actions regardless if he is one of her most important person,

“I have been through worse. I’ll just have to pull you out of hell if needed so. I’m a hero after all. Isn’t it the hero’s job to save the princess?”

He said nonchalantly as he knew what he was in for. He knew she was a noble and a very important one. He knew how she can be much more sinister when she wants to. He knew the moment he looked into her eyes. The deep black hatred she kept for a long time.He didn’t know the reason why but he knew enough that she has enough hatred but she can control it, not totally ruling over her decision lest it has her best interest. But still he said those lines not for himself but her. He knew how hard it was to be ALONE. This young woman needed someone she can lean on to so that her insanity, madness and hatred won’t consume her. He saw it already many times in history where great people who are geniuses ahead of their time drown in insanity, madness and hatred, just like his very first friend, just like Oda Nobunaga, Leonardo da Vinci and many more people whom he met in the distant past. This young woman was no different from them, she might be able to save this dying world, and he’s betting it on her.

“Then let’s promise to each other.”

She said without the cold or playful tone of hers. Just a simple statement of a young woman to a young man with her. Imagine a girl confessing her feeling with all her heart and soul. For the young man the young woman looked just like that this very moment.

“You’ll be mine. Body, mind and soul. All of it, from your first strand of your hair to the very last drop of your blood.”

She stands up and faced the young man still sitting. Wind blew mildly making her long purple hair sway with the wind matching with the full moon brightly shining above her. Furthering her immaculate beauty further.

“Then I’ll be yours. Body, mind, heart and soul. From my very first strand of hair, to my very last drop of my blood and to the very last breath I take. I’ll be yours. I’ll give it to you all. This very life that many had sacrificed for. These hands of mine stain with blood of many all of it will be yours.”

She said sincerely while looking at the young blond whiskered man infront of her. She had lain out all of her to him, her one of two of the most important people in her life.

[Dragonkid11]

Originally Posted by maxxus0923

Don't know if you'll like this but yeah... a simple draft I had with a crossover i thought

Spoiler for A Rhapsody of a Girl:

Time skip Unknown Location General POV (A Rhapsody of a Girl)

“You’re late.”

A girl, no, a young woman said to the approaching figure, he was wearing orange t-shirt and black slacks while both of his hands were in its pockets. He has spiky blonde hair with bangs framing his face. His most distinctive facial feature was his deep blue ocean eyes and 3 whisker marks adorning either his cheeks. He is 3 years younger than the young woman she is meeting with.

“Sorry, the uncle of my friend held me off for a drink.”

The blonde young man replied in a manner bordering cold as he eyed the young woman in front of him. She had long purple hair and deep blue eyes the same as the young man he is meeting but not with the same wisdom as his eyes held despite of the young man being 3 years younger than him. She is wearing an ordinary violet kimono with lotus design. Befitting for someone of noble birth.

“I see, so how was it? Don’t you think that you are a bit too young to drink alcoholic beverages?”

She asked curiously, not masking her intentions a bit which she normally does when she is talking to every body even her family. Her companion merely raised an eyebrow to her questions.

“Old enough to be in the military old enough to drink. It was good by the way.”

He answered without hesitation while cleaning a bench for both of them to sit on. He signaled to his female companion to sit on the bench and she did so, followed her lead and sat beside her.

“Fu fu fu. Thank you.”

She thanked her male companion for the bench. She looked at him curiously while he just simply stared at her.

“You have question?”

The blond male asked.

“Hmmm... When did we start meeting like this?”

She asked her blonde male companion

“A year already, ever since that incident.”

He answered to his purple haired companion who contemplated on his answer.

“I see, it has been a long time isn’t it?”

The purple haired girl reminiscent about the past.

“Probably for you.”

The blonde young man replied as he took out two cans of coffee from his pockets. He gave one to his purple haired companion and he took the other for himself.

“Fu fu fu thank you. Tell me, why did you do it that time?”

THe girl inquired to his companion who looked contemplating at first then answered her.

“I hate cowards, and you don’t look like one.”

He answered truthfully without any hesitation. He took a sip from his coffee can.

“Fu fu fu, did I really became a coward that time?”

She asked curiously but it sounded more like she was asking herself.

“Perhaps no, perhaps yes. Only you can answer that question.”

He nonchalantly said while looking at the stars. As if contemplating about his life.

“Fu fu fu, of course it is.”

She giggled and hid her smile in her kimono sleeves. Showing the gracefulness of a true noble woman to the young man beside her. But the young man was neither fazed nor has taken notice of her beauty.

“Come to think of it... We’ve been meeting like this for a year already.”

She thought of their situation. They’ve been meeting like this for about a year and still she hasn’t lost her interest of meeting this young man. It was like a puzzle that she is fond of solving.

“Yes it has been a year since we’ve been meeting like lovers. Rendezvous when and always there is no one around... Meeting up where no eyes can see us... ”

The young blond man implied rather straight to the point as usual for her.

“Yes, we’ve always been meeting like this. I like it this way. It sounds like we are trying to hide our forbidden relationship. Just like what I’ve read, isn’t it so romantic?”

She replied with mischievous voice while hiding her smile with her hands.

“For you it is. Tell me again why am I still meeting you again.”

He replied dully as he took another sip from his coffee.

“Because I’m cute and beautiful goddess that has taken grace of entertaining a commoner like you.”

She smiled to him merrily, completely forgetting for that moment that she is of noble birth.

“Hmpf. A goddess like you should be entertaining her followers not someone who doesn’t believe in gods.”

He pointed out. Not denying her claim as a goddess.

“You’re my follower is it not? You wouldn’t be meeting me if you are not.”

She cheekily pointed out.

“You’ll keep on bugging me till I agree right?”

Obviously he knew the answer.

“Hai! After all it would be undoing for the goddess if she doesn’t take good care of her follower which is you.”

She merrily pointed out.

“Fine. Are you happy now?”

He gave up the notion of resisting the girl.

“Fu fu fu, very much.”

She again hid her smile behind the sleeves of her kimono. For the girl it this few moments with this young man was her recluse from her world. A brief moment to catch her breath on a world in a path to death. It was this young man that brought relief to her that her decision was right. For ‘her’ sake and his sake she will shoulder the responsibilities given to her as the heir of the most noble clan of Kobouin. Not for her sake but for the sake of her two most important people, him and ‘her’.

“Come to think of it, we still haven’t introduced each others name?”

She pondered. It was quite weird as both of them has been seeing each other for a year but never had they known each others name.

“You said ‘It is far better no one knew of each others name. It adds more thrill.’”

He answered while trying to mimic her voice when she said those lines.

“Fu fu fu, I see. Would you like to know my name then?”

She asked the blonde young man who was staring at her with his deep blue ocean piercing blue eyes. As if judging if it was the right time to know her name. Her personality did a complete 180 degree turn when she said what’s entitled of knowing her name to the one of his most important person.

“Once you know my name there is no going back. Only hell awaits you.”

She implied taking out the playful tone of her voice replacing it with cold uncaring voice. Showing a persona no one ALIVE has seen before, a cold, shrewd and calculative persona. As if to tell him that she will take him down with her if by any chance he betrays her. Like she did to others. He was the one who ignited this persona of hers ever since he saved her from that ‘incident’, it’s time for him to see the results of his actions regardless if he is one of her most important person,

“I have been through worse. I’ll just have to pull you out of hell if needed so. I’m a hero after all. Isn’t it the hero’s job to save the princess?”

He said nonchalantly as he knew what he was in for. He knew she was a noble and a very important one. He knew how she can be much more sinister when she wants to. He knew the moment he looked into her eyes. The deep black hatred she kept for a long time.He didn’t know the reason why but he knew enough that she has enough hatred but she can control it, not totally ruling over her decision lest it has her best interest. But still he said those lines not for himself but her. He knew how hard it was to be ALONE. This young woman needed someone she can lean on to so that her insanity, madness and hatred won’t consume her. He saw it already many times in history where great people who are geniuses ahead of their time drown in insanity, madness and hatred, just like his very first friend, just like Oda Nobunaga, Leonardo da Vinci and many more people whom he met in the distant past. This young woman was no different from them, she might be able to save this dying world, and he’s betting it on her.

“Then let’s promise to each other.”

She said without the cold or playful tone of hers. Just a simple statement of a young woman to a young man with her. Imagine a girl confessing her feeling with all her heart and soul. For the young man the young woman looked just like that this very moment.

“You’ll be mine. Body, mind and soul. All of it, from your first strand of your hair to the very last drop of your blood.”

She stands up and faced the young man still sitting. Wind blew mildly making her long purple hair sway with the wind matching with the full moon brightly shining above her. Furthering her immaculate beauty further.

“Then I’ll be yours. Body, mind, heart and soul. From my very first strand of hair, to my very last drop of my blood and to the very last breath I take. I’ll be yours. I’ll give it to you all. This very life that many had sacrificed for. These hands of mine stain with blood of many all of it will be yours.”

She said sincerely while looking at the young blond whiskered man infront of her. She had lain out all of her to him, her one of two of the most important people in her life.

Normally I would just say "Great" when reading such a good fic that's comparable to some of the best examples I known of and dwarfed mine(considering how bad my writing skill is,I seriously need to work hard if I want to write that battletech crossover fic.)

Anyway,if the atmosphere of ancient Japan rather than Muvluv sci-fi is intentional,then you did well on it.From your writing,I can clearly see that Yuuhi and this certain someone have been together for quite awhile.There's also repeated mentionings of Yuuhi's nobility that have been described in a elegant way.And then there's Yuuhi yandere side....yah,she's clearly insane.

Overall,it's a very good oneshot.

[Wild Goose]

Actually it's pretty good. I mean, it's a little rough, don't get me wrong, and you need the polish, but you've got your wooden table out, and all you need is sanding, polish and varnish.

....also I am imagining this as the start of an ero manga. Next will be scenes drawn by, hmmm. Kima-Gray, Homunculous, Hisashi, Cuvie, Tony Taka, Takayuki, Gunma Kisaragi, Napata, ...

...nah, this is waff, that means Homunculous and Napata tied for first place.

Also their proposal reminds me of Demon Queen and Hero.

Basic tl;dr version: awesome sauce, write MOAR. Also I find it amusing that the two most recent snips here have been about couples sneaking away to be with each other.

[wavehawk]

Originally Posted by maxxus0923

Yandere Yuuhi??


Currently I'm writing a Yandere Yuuhi, I want to know what's your reaction to this...

Yuuhi being Yuuhi...how would we know she's Yandere? For all we know she already is, and that she's just really good at covering it up...

[issuzark]

Originally Posted by wavehawk

Yuuhi being Yuuhi...how would we know she's Yandere? For all we know she already is, and that she's just really good at covering it up...

Why did her image fit yandere so perfectly? It fits even better than Yuzuka.

[maxxus0923]

Originally Posted by issuzark

Why did her image fit yandere so perfectly? It fits even better than Yuzuka.

It is because she is Yuuhi, the shogun. You don't get to be a shogun if you are not broken 1 way or another... I think...

[Alastor Mobius Toth]

I'd really think the Japanese, for all their faults, would put someone mentally unstable in charge of the country (and yandere is mentally unstable, IMO). Too much is at stake to be jeopardized by a temper tantrum of a teenaged girl. That, or Japanese politicians like their monopoly on screwing things up.

But the promise is interesting, regardless. Keep at it.

[issuzark]

Nipponjin. In charge of common sense. I should've saw it coming.

[Wild Goose]

Regards common sense, I'd just note this discussion on Spacebattles, on the discipline of the Imperial Japanese forces.

tl;dr, your average IJA junior officer (JO, from 2LT to CPT), was an insubordinate little fuck who'd ignore orders to be YAMATO DAMASHII and ran around half-cocked. Note how many assassinations and military coups were run by junior officers in the 20s and 30s - and that's before we get into how the IJA and IJN would assassinate each other's officers. They didn't see America as the enemy, they saw the enemy as being the IJA and IJN.

(I can't remember if I've actually posted this before.)

On Yuuhi, I don't see her as being too yandere in that snip, btw. Well, she's not yet at the YAN stage. She's being more dereyan in that snip. Well until the end. Wait what am I saying I need coffee and breakfast.

That said, you could argue that being forced into the role of Shogun has warped her, especially given the kind of teachings noble families fill the heads of their children with.

[Dragonkid11]

In Japan,everyone is too YAMATO DAMASHI to be bounded by common sense and logic.

[maxxus0923]

well she's still 16 years old in this snip and the young man is implied to be 13 years old(???)(needs to be proven)... it happened during Yui's tenureship in IRG academy in kyoto 1997 while the scene happened somewhere near/inside Kyoto. He's Yui's only male classmate BTW

[Wild Goose]

Make the ages similar, if they're classmates. Japan isn't really a big believer in skipping grades, and is big on that whole sempai kohai thimajig.

[Von Himmel]

Finally caught up with one last loop.. they EXTRA part still seem somewhat weird like what I remembered, but it's still a good read.

Oh and I almost thought that Iilfride was killed in his story but I guess she survives shame that she wouldn't be able to see Makabe again though.

[Azrulnin]

Paul Xion Fanfic is out, chapter 73

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7112821/73/

[Alastor Mobius Toth]

@Goose

Yes, I am very well aware of it. It also did not extended much to the upper ranks - which arguably was encouraging the whole affair by using said junior officers to settle their own power plays.

[maxxus0923]

I was thinking of a scenario of an orphan without an orphanage, since the government doesn't know what to do with him, they decided to test if he is applicable to be added in the ranks, new recruits are always welcome this days. TO their surprise the orphan boy has a very high aptitude to be an eishi... you know the rest