Dating

[White_Summer]

Hey all!
This will be my first thread that I have created and I thought that I should based it on one of the bigger problems currently going on in my life. Currently I am single however I found a girl that I like. I am Korean and I learned English after coming to California and the girl I have come to like is from Taiwan and her English is not very good. She's been in America for less than a year. I thought we started on good terms and I built up the courage to confess and asked if we could date. She did not accept nor reject and instead stated that it's a difficult question to answer. We still continue to talk and are on good terms (I Think) however I'm getting the feeling that she wants to be friends more than boyfriend/girlfriend. I like her alot but I'm unsure on how to change her view from being a friend to a boyfriend does anybody have some advice they can offer?

[Marina]

Originally Posted by White_Summer

Hey all!
This will be my first thread that I have created and I thought that I should based it on one of the bigger problems currently going on in my life. Currently I am single however I found a girl that I like. I am Korean and I learned English after coming to California and the girl I have come to like is from Taiwan and her English is not very good. She's been in America for less than a year. I thought we started on good terms and I built up the courage to confess and asked if we could date. She did not accept nor reject and instead stated that it's a difficult question to answer. We still continue to talk and are on good terms (I Think) however I'm getting the feeling that she wants to be friends more than boyfriend/girlfriend. I like her alot but I'm unsure on how to change her view from being a friend to a boyfriend does anybody have some advice they can offer?

Firstoff: you cannot change a person's view about being friends or more, that is a decision that only he/she can make. From what you've described, I agree that she sounds like she only wants to be friends for now, and I recommend that you respect that for the time being. Depending on how much you like this girl, if you are willing to wait for her to come around to your affections, then let her know that it's ok to just be friends, but that you want more and that you're willing to wait patiently. Not only will this assure her, but it will let her be friends w/ you without worrying that you'll try pushing things. Being her friend for now will also allow you to observe her closely: her likes and dislikes, what her family is like, etc. all important in deciding if you are compatible or not. Just be her friend, and at times show her how much of a catch you are by demonstrating how thoughtful and caring you can be at times. I'm sure if you are perfect for one another, then she will realize how wonderful you are; the key is to just be patient.

[Hotaru Suzume]

Originally Posted by White_Summer

Hey all!
This will be my first thread that I have created and I thought that I should based it on one of the bigger problems currently going on in my life. Currently I am single however I found a girl that I like. I am Korean and I learned English after coming to California and the girl I have come to like is from Taiwan and her English is not very good. She's been in America for less than a year. I thought we started on good terms and I built up the courage to confess and asked if we could date. She did not accept nor reject and instead stated that it's a difficult question to answer. We still continue to talk and are on good terms (I Think) however I'm getting the feeling that she wants to be friends more than boyfriend/girlfriend. I like her alot but I'm unsure on how to change her view from being a friend to a boyfriend does anybody have some advice they can offer?

Looks like your thread got merged with this one.

I think it'd be best stay friends for a while (around 6 months to a year? I don't exactly know), get to know a lot about each other first, earn her trust and all that stuff... Ask again later, I say.
Hope that helps.

Edit: Oh yes, there is always the chance that she might not be heterosexual... unless you've ascertained that she is, of course. :0

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Hotaru Suzume

I think it'd be best stay friends for a while (around 6 months to a year? I don't exactly know), get to know a lot about each other first, earn her trust and all that stuff... Ask again later, I say.
Hope that helps.

There is a sort of theory among males which states that once you meet a girl, you have a limited period of time before you are essentially tossed into the "friends box." In other words, once the period of time is up, the girl will only ever see you as a friend. You won't have a very good chance, if any chance at all, of ever being seen as more than that. The period of time depends on the girl and your circumstances.

There are exceptions, of course. However, I have asked a few girls (not a statistically relevant number for this to apply to most girls for certain) and they stated that it's more or less true - once they know you well enough, they make a decision in their mind and either sort you into an interest that could be elevated, or just friends.

It doesn't mean that you should give up on relationship hopes if you've known a girl for a long time. Just be aware of it.

[Darkman.exe213]

Me again, this time I just have a basic question. Is there a way to tell if a girl actually likes you as more than a friend? Thanks.

[Fome]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

There is a sort of theory among males which states that once you meet a girl, you have a limited period of time before you are essentially tossed into the "friends box." In other words, once the period of time is up, the girl will only ever see you as a friend. You won't have a very good chance, if any chance at all, of ever being seen as more than that. The period of time depends on the girl and your circumstances.

There are exceptions, of course. However, I have asked a few girls (not a statistically relevant number for this to apply to most girls for certain) and they stated that it's more or less true - once they know you well enough, they make a decision in their mind and either sort you into an interest that could be elevated, or just friends.

It doesn't mean that you should give up on relationship hopes if you've known a girl for a long time. Just be aware of it.

I think it's also a cultural thing. My Japanese uncles tell me that relationships in Japan usually start off as friendship. The girl and boy hang around for a while, become good friends, and eventually become a couple. I was completely surprised to hear this at first, as it was completely contrary to prevailing American attitudes, but I feel like that the Japanese way makes more sense.

[Tri-ring]

Originally Posted by Fome

I think it's also a cultural thing. My Japanese uncles tell me that relationships in Japan usually start off as friendship. The girl and boy hang around for a while, become good friends, and eventually become a couple. I was completely surprised to hear this at first, as it was completely contrary to prevailing American attitudes, but I feel like that the Japanese way makes more sense.

And then there is the freakin phrase "いいお友達でいましょうね"(Let's be good friends) as a response from a girl when you ask her to become steady with you. Which is a nice way in replying, I have no interest in dating you.

[White_Summer]

Thanks for the advice,
I find that Fome's advice rings true but in most cases there kinda needs to be at least some physical attraction between the two people. But it also depends on the people's personality themselves of how some people get together.

But in Japan do people really say that phrase? " iiotomodachi..." I have to admit, it sounds lot better than a rejection along the lines of "I'm not interested, please leave me alone". At least you can still talk to that person. But still a rejection is still a rejection...

[Tri-ring]

Originally Posted by White_Summer

Thanks for the advice,
I find that Fome's advice rings true but in most cases there kinda needs to be at least some physical attraction between the two people. But it also depends on the people's personality themselves of how some people get together.

But in Japan do people really say that phrase? " iiotomodachi..." I have to admit, it sounds lot better than a rejection along the lines of "I'm not interested, please leave me alone". At least you can still talk to that person. But still a rejection is still a rejection...

I see you read Japanese, good for you.
Yup, that is the sweet sentence of death in Japan and it is worse than being flatly rejected since you still hold on to that slight sliver of hope that just maybe there is still a chance. (Actually no chance in hell since if there is a chance she will answer, "それでは友達からはじめましょう。" meaning let's start from friends and,,,)
There is another phrase, "私、XXさんみたいな人が好み" meaning "I like a person likeXX." Notice she never saying she like XX in person but placed preposition meaning she has no interest in XX himself.
Man, that line is another heart crusher.

Good luck to you however it turns out, and remember Bacchus will always will be your friend.

[Whitemoon648]

Originally Posted by White_Summer

Hey all!
This will be my first thread that I have created and I thought that I should based it on one of the bigger problems currently going on in my life. Currently I am single however I found a girl that I like. I am Korean and I learned English after coming to California and the girl I have come to like is from Taiwan and her English is not very good. She's been in America for less than a year. I thought we started on good terms and I built up the courage to confess and asked if we could date. She did not accept nor reject and instead stated that it's a difficult question to answer. We still continue to talk and are on good terms (I Think) however I'm getting the feeling that she wants to be friends more than boyfriend/girlfriend. I like her alot but I'm unsure on how to change her view from being a friend to a boyfriend does anybody have some advice they can offer?

I would give an advice, but you havent given us much info. Advices can vary based on many things. One example would be the age range.

IF you guys are :

12-14= Stay friends.

15-17 = She isnt a lost cause, just stay friends with her and ask her later. If you guys are really close she will say yes. in another word Just give her some time.

18-25 = She probably means it. Stay good friends and find another good girl friend for yourselve.

This is my personal advice based on age range, but there are many other things that you have to factor in.

Good luck.

[Knightmare213]

<Post Deleted by Me>

[Hotaru Suzume]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

There is a sort of theory among males which states that once you meet a girl, you have a limited period of time before you are essentially tossed into the "friends box." In other words, once the period of time is up, the girl will only ever see you as a friend. You won't have a very good chance, if any chance at all, of ever being seen as more than that. The period of time depends on the girl and your circumstances.

There are exceptions, of course. However, I have asked a few girls (not a statistically relevant number for this to apply to most girls for certain) and they stated that it's more or less true - once they know you well enough, they make a decision in their mind and either sort you into an interest that could be elevated, or just friends.

It doesn't mean that you should give up on relationship hopes if you've known a girl for a long time. Just be aware of it.

Well that's certainly strange and amusing ... ... ... ... Wait, why are you telling me this? I'm not interested in getting into a relationship. I'm in one anyway. :0

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Hotaru Suzume

Well that's certainly strange and amusing ... ... ... ... Wait, why are you telling me this? I'm not interested in getting into a relationship. I'm in one anyway. :0

It wasn't particularly directed at you, it was a response to what you stated. It was meant for anyone reading this thread.

[White_Summer]

If only everybody was good looking,
You know how in Anime you never see an overweight person... even the people who are antisocial or the outcast look normal and have no features that would merit being made fun of. I wonder what would happen if that applied in the real world as well. Open your school yearbook and you'll see that the percentage of good looking people is really quite low. However I guess it makes people more unique.
I don't really sound like it but I am already a university student so I guess the odds of this one working out are quite low... But I;ll keep at it, maybe luck with take a pleasant twist and I can look back on this and smile or laugh.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by White_Summer

If only everybody was good looking,
You know how in Anime you never see an overweight person... even the people who are antisocial or the outcast look normal and have no features that would merit being made fun of.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - we all see different features as being more beautiful. Some people are attracted to others who are a bit plumper, while others get into the anorexic look. There is probably a certain set of features and styles that appeals to a majority, but there is no end-all. It's the same with anime, as well - different artists have different drawing styles, and not everyone finds each style attractive in the same way.

What I'm trying to say is, even if you feel that you're someone who isn't fawned over by members of the opposite (or similar) sex, everyone is different, and there's bound to be someone out there who will find you attractive and love you just the same.

[Amirali]

Oh yes, I like slightly chubby people. Much more huggable and cuddly.

[Sakura_Kinomoto]

*sigh*well im only 16 years old and ive had my heart broken many times just the other week my Best friend Jamie asked me out and well i said yes because we were always spending time with each other and i thought we were perfect for each other things went welll at first but then she started acting funny annd a few weeks later just after her birthday she broke up with me for 2 reasons A) beacause i was moving to fast *all i had done was held her hand we hadnt even kissed except for cheek pek*and B) becasue a guy i thought was a friend told her i only went out with because i wanted sexual relations with her, now i dont even talk to her.....My heart was broken...again and whats worse is that the one girl ive always loved secretly, Jess is in a relationship from which she will never leave... Im 16 my back and chest is covered with acne scars im really skinny i watch Star Trek and Stargate and i absolutley love Anime/manga it seems that the only chance i get at happiness to do with love is from watching love in Anime....I just dont know wether to give up on love forever , ive been hurt that many times

[White_Summer]

Wow ~~~~

I wish I could help, I know if you start with creme the acne scars can fade and loose it's visibility. But that is besides the point, I believe confidence can probably change everything. I'm no expert and I lack it as well but confidence can change everything. I think that you need to decide which of whom you like more, your best friend or the girl you harbored a crush on and continue to build a relationship from there. I hope won't be the only person who responds to your problem because after reading it again my advice isn't very good....

[Sakura_Kinomoto]

Originally Posted by White_Summer

Wow ~~~~

I wish I could help, I know if you start with creme the acne scars can fade and loose it's visibility. But that is besides the point, I believe confidence can probably change everything. I'm no expert and I lack it as well but confidence can change everything. I think that you need to decide which of whom you like more, your best friend or the girl you harbored a crush on and continue to build a relationship from there. I hope won't be the only person who responds to your problem because after reading it again my advice isn't very good....

thanks a little advice is better than no advice Its been 3 weeks and i still havent even talked to jamie and well jess...shes in love with someone else a guy like me has no chance with a girl but ill keep my info up to date here...oh btw creams didnt work pills kinda did but now my back looks like the moon another turn of for girls....ill try a little confidence but i dont know..thanks again

[Hotaru Suzume]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

It wasn't particularly directed at you, it was a response to what you stated. It was meant for anyone reading this thread.

Ah right, well, your post was much appreciated anyway. Seems a valid statement.