2009-09-16, 17:18 | Link #1603 |
Dietrich fan #681675
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Yeah, I've been that proverbial "shoulder" to lean on for a few girls in my life...though at the end of the day, I'm still in the friendzone, which is sometimes good but most of the time bad.
The aforementioned girl probably was interested in me for just a moment...any time I tried to ask her out she made excuses It's whatever to me anyway. She and I both kinda have the same personality but that is where our similarities cease--she's sorta in that hipster clique and I'm just...myself
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2009-09-16, 17:34 | Link #1604 | ||
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
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I can't help but cringe at the thought of how this conversation went... that teacher is definitely in the wrong profession if he's gonna pull off shit like that and should be reprimanded. Guy sounds like he's the type that would probably have a stash of child porn or some shit in the hidden folders of his laptop. And before anybody else says it, he deserves the...
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2009-09-16, 19:13 | Link #1605 | |
Honyaku no Hime
Fansubber
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
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You dont have to say it maliciously or anything, but that's just pure torture. For whatever reasons she cannot be with you, you cannot share the same space with her, at least not for the meantime. Yeah I see ya frowning at me, but you offered her room to assist, you didn't make the first moves, or take advantage it seems going by your statement, however you were both incredibly emotionally vunerable and still are, you need space, however you actually have rights to regain that space from her. Unfortunately, you were her rebound and it sucks to hell. But if she's smart, she'll be well aware of that and if she denies it, drive it home to her. You're hurting cause of this and only wish her happiness, but trust me, being away will allow you to have some moments of peace and some times to heal without a physical, constant reminder. As for keeping mates, tell her that too. Be it a month of being apart and healing in your own ways, keep in touch, talk about your feelings or just talk about the day in small doses, see how you get on. Thus be my two pence, if she sees you in pain as much as she is without being angry or anything and the facts are laid out as clear as day, whether she meant to or not, she's in the wrong and should take a little responsibility for that to make things easier for the both of you. Thus be my two pence, good luck.
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2009-09-16, 21:23 | Link #1606 | |
d-_-b
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colorado
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So some things happened 2 hours after I posted this. I was going through my facebook and saw her status "Anyone in need of a new apartment? bla bla bla" I couldn't believe what I saw. I was angry, upset, and disappointed that she was serious about it. Those were my first thoughts and I immediately without hesitation drove down to where she worked, I just knew she would be there. I stormed into the restaurant, walked into the back where the cooks are, found her, and gave her a big hug, "please....don't leave. Don't move out" Her: I have to, you left the house, thats pretty much saying you dont want me to be there, its obvious that it's hard on you that Im there. me: Sure that may be, but thats something Ill have to deal with, the last thing I want is for you to leave the house. Her: why? Its best for you, why do you want me to stay? me: Your a good roomate, and a greater friend. sadly, I started to tear up because I knew if she left, we wouldnt be friends anymore, thats just how it is with breakups. Living in the same house is an opportunity for us to share stories, know whats going on in each others lives and so forth. It's maybe true that it would be the for the best for me, its a fact. But Ill take that challenge and Ill make sure I overcome it if it means for her to stay. Call me stupid, naive, retarded, but if I did this without thinking, then I must be serious about it. Based off from a true story that occured about 2 hours ago :P.
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2009-09-16, 21:34 | Link #1607 | ||
I don't give a damn, dude
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 37
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Anyway, I concur with everyone else up to now. This ain't anything good, so you should damn well keep your distance from this pedobear before you end up doing something you'll regret. And if he becomes too persistent, keep your SMACK FOR GREAT JUSTICE ready in hand. Quote:
So. Many. Uses. I don't know if you're going to listen to me anyway, but all I gotta say is, your next destination is Heartbreak Hotel, bud. It's darn clear that neither of you are ready for each other yet, so the wisest course of action would have been to make a clean break for it. Well. What's done is done. Update us on how it goes. |
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2009-09-16, 21:38 | Link #1608 | |
Amateur Psychomocologist
Join Date: Sep 2009
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Maybe he is just trying to wind you up, but if not... :E |
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2009-09-16, 22:06 | Link #1609 | |
~Nani...?~
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: ~Bleh~
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2009-09-16, 22:48 | Link #1610 | |
d-_-b
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colorado
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She said she probably will stay, cheap rent, likes my friend and I as roomates.
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2009-09-16, 23:27 | Link #1611 | |
Honyaku no Hime
Fansubber
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
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You did this without thinking, not cause you were serious, but because your heart lead the way instead of your mind and the thought of being away from her, the pain associated (yes it will hurt) scares you more than the common sense needed to enable you to heal. You were basically ruled by fear, and she's smart enough to pick up the signs that you're suffering with her being there for now since you went as far as to go to a hotel room. Her leaving != you losing touch forever. That depends entirely on the pair of you as young adults and how much you treasure your friendship enough to try to work through the pain after being together. But again, that needs open communication and a lot of effort, not desperation, tears and pleas. Instead of making a clean break, healing and then both coming back to repair the damage piece by piece, you're swimming in broken pieces and trying to heal with the mess around, it'll be nasty... even more painful perhaps and more damaging than it already is. Cue emotions of confusion, jealousy, desire, lust, envy, conflict, she's there, but you can't have her, etc etc. No breathing space for either one of you to get better in your own personal ways and yes, that is very much needed, believe me. *sighs & shrugs* We're only a message board anyways and advice is given to be taken/not taken, but it hurts to see someone walk into something that spells likely disaster for them, I guess you'll live and learn
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2009-09-17, 22:12 | Link #1613 | |
I don't give a damn, dude
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 37
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Seriously, dealing with the uncertainty inherent in confessing an romantic interest in another person isn't a matter of the people in a particular location. |
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2009-09-18, 06:39 | Link #1615 | |
.....
Join Date: Jul 2009
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What is the "red-light district"? I have no specific character I'm interested in. I just need to date girls. |
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2009-09-18, 07:26 | Link #1617 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
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Uh I am sort of in a dating situation. Or at least I'd like to be...
There's this girl I like. The way I feel about her is indescribable. The problem is that we're really good friends and I just don't want to be the guy who is known forever as her best friend and nothing more. But I can't seem to have a chance to ask her out since I get cold feet in the last second and it seems her parents don't really like their daughter dating so What can I do?? |
2009-09-18, 07:36 | Link #1618 | |
.....
Join Date: Jul 2009
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2009-09-18, 07:52 | Link #1619 | |
Komrades of Kitamura Kou
Join Date: Jul 2004
Age: 39
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The first thing you should do is of course, try and gauge how she thinks of her relationship to you. The way to do this tends to vary really, but what I suggest you do is casually drop a few discrete questions here and there when you're hanging out about the topic and your personal issue. Try not to make them sound so serious. As her friend I'm sure you understand the ways she react, the ways she answer etc., and from that you can probably gauge her feelings. Being friends and all, she'll be more open with you than some other guy acquaintance. At the start, at least that's a better way than asking outright, which usually never ends well. And of course, as her friend you'd be privy to information about the things she looks for in a man. This is not to say that you need to pretend/change yourself into her prince charming, but this will give you an idea of the things she holds to be important in dating and things she doesn't. With that you could evaluate yourself and your own personality. Again, you don't need plastic surgery and a new identity, but if this consists of a few things that you can alter (and most importantly, things you likewise believe to be important in a person you yourself would be dating), then by all means change. As for what I'm going to say next, I'm probably skipping a whole lot of things but everything in between really depends on your own personal approach. When you finally think you understand enough, changed enough and recruited the balls to do so, ask her out on a "friendly date." I'd probably stress the term friendly because she'd most likely be surprised and/or shocked when you ask her out. At the start I'd say keep it friendly first, stress that this is a date between friends and liken it to "testing things" to see where it goes. If she rejects you here, she probably doesn;t think of you that way and probably never will, but if she accepts then it's usually an indication she's willing to give things a try. Everything else beyond that is up to you. I only got that far so I can't really suggest anything more.
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2009-09-18, 08:40 | Link #1620 | ||
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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The next issue that arises is, how long do you wait? You go, make friends, show off how wonderful of a guy you are... and then what? The worry among males (which, depending on which girl you speak to, is based on reality) is that you'll enter "the friend zone" - that is, the point where your female friend will never consider you as dating material, no matter how wonderful you are. I'd recommend not worrying too much about that at this point. Just go, have fun, make friends, meet their friends, and if you find someone you find really attractive, don't be intimidated. Quote:
Don't worry about her parents. My fiancee's parents didn't want her dating until she was done with school (so, she'd have to wait until she was in her 30's). There was some confusion on their part about what to do once they saw that their daughter was in love and that the guy she was with wasn't a total dip, but they quickly became very accepting of me. And since you're her good friend, they've probably heard about you at least a bit and should have a favorable impression of you, right? So things are in your favor. It doesn't always work out that way, of course. I've heard of a girl whose parents also didn't want her dating until she was done with school. When they found out that she'd met someone in college, they flew to her, sat down with her and her boyfriend, and basically told them that they can't date and so on. I'd die of embarrassment, if I were either the girl or her boyfriend. Last I'd heard, that girl is dating and just keeping it a secret from her parents. Not ideal, for sure. So, just have courage. Don't think too much about what happens after you ask her, because if you start worrying about a negative result, you'll never get anywhere. Realistically speaking, things would not be as bad as you would imagine them to be, either. Whether you're accepted or rejected, you'll feel better after you get your feelings out.
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Tags |
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
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