Dating

[whitepearl]

Some girl started talking to me a little more when she had a breakup...nothing happened between us eventually

[H23]

Originally Posted by whitepearl

Some girl started talking to me a little more when she had a breakup...

That happens.... a LOT.

[whitepearl]

Yeah, I've been that proverbial "shoulder" to lean on for a few girls in my life...though at the end of the day, I'm still in the friendzone, which is sometimes good but most of the time bad.

The aforementioned girl probably was interested in me for just a moment...any time I tried to ask her out she made excuses

It's whatever to me anyway. She and I both kinda have the same personality but that is where our similarities cease--she's sorta in that hipster clique and I'm just...myself

[H23]

Originally Posted by whitepearl

Yeah, I've been that proverbial "shoulder" to lean on for a few girls in my life...though at the end of the day, I'm still in the friendzone, which is sometimes good but most of the time bad.

The aforementioned girl probably was interested in me for just a moment...any time I tried to ask her out she made excuses

It's whatever to me anyway. She and I both kinda have the same personality but that is where our similarities cease--she's sorta in that hipster clique and I'm just...myself

Happens a lot, just gotta be careful not to be caught up in it when you're sure that they're just using you as a "shoulder" to lean on in rough times. Don't get me wrong, feelings and relationships CAN develop further in situations like this - provided that the girl (or the guy - whoever, was seeking comfort) had her feelings sorted out (which takes time, and no, not a week since then it just becomes a rebound.. unless it was a shitty relationship, but if that was the case, the other person wouldn't even feel bad/sad about the breakup lol), and that they are truly over the other person who they broke up with.

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

My friend thinks one of my teachers who i have a thing for has a thing for me...

E.g Yesterday:

Him: You know if your sat alone for lunch i'd be happy to sit with you everyday.
Me: Really?
Him: Yes, come to my office at 1:05 and we'll walk down together.
Me: Thanks, it's a date then, *i laughed jokingly*
Him: *winks and licks his lips at me*


And the other day:

Me: Morning sir!
Him: Morning, how're you?
Me: Fine thanks you?
Him: I'm fine, a little pissed off but i'm fine.
Me: Why what's up?
Him: All this paper work and marking has been driving me crazy and to be honest you're the only thing I come to school for.
Me: ... *blush*
Him: *puts arm around me* See ya later.
Me: Bye..



I was like o_O he is so hott and I am just fail!!

Is he trying to wind me up?

That. is. disgusting.

I can't help but cringe at the thought of how this conversation went... that teacher is definitely in the wrong profession if he's gonna pull off shit like that and should be reprimanded. Guy sounds like he's the type that would probably have a stash of child porn or some shit in the hidden folders of his laptop. And before anybody else says it, he deserves the...

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Wirbelwind8

I just had a recent breakup. We were pretty good friends before we started going out.

Before we started going out, she needed a place to move into, so I offered since my friend and I were in need of a new roomate. She was more than happy to move in with us. She had a boyfriend at the time so I really didn't think much of it, I did find her attractive and liked her personality, but that was all. Then two months later, she had broke up with him and got close to me. I was starting to fall in love with her every moment we were together. Had many of my firsts...*cough* and eventually started officially going out.

3 days later she said she can't do it.

I felt used. She had recently broken up with her boyfriend and moved onto me, but didn't want to go out or anything. Like she needed someone there, anyone to be close with, didnt matter who. I just happen to be there since I was living with her.

It's been two weeks now and I'm having the worst experience ever. Things have not been the same since the break up, its just awkward and I just hate how quickly everything changed. Since we are living together it's been hard to get over her. So as of now Im on a trip of "self preservation" or whatever. Been driving around, staying in hotels, friends houses n such. Havent been home for awhile. It's ok, I'm not sure it'll fix the problem, but I felt like I needed to do something out of the ordinary, something I would never do. I just "hate" her right now, when I know I shouldn't. I can't help it. Hopefully it'll all work out for the both of us. She's a great person and I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I can't stand being around her.

Just something to throw out there to you guys since Im bored in this hotel room.

I'd say ask her to leave, least for the current time, tell her straight up how you feel, how much this hurts to have the memories of being together, of sharing your firsts and to have to see her everyday, reminding you of what you've lost?
You dont have to say it maliciously or anything, but that's just pure torture. For whatever reasons she cannot be with you, you cannot share the same space with her, at least not for the meantime.

Yeah I see ya frowning at me, but you offered her room to assist, you didn't make the first moves, or take advantage it seems going by your statement, however you were both incredibly emotionally vunerable and still are, you need space, however you actually have rights to regain that space from her.

Unfortunately, you were her rebound and it sucks to hell. But if she's smart, she'll be well aware of that and if she denies it, drive it home to her. You're hurting cause of this and only wish her happiness, but trust me, being away will allow you to have some moments of peace and some times to heal without a physical, constant reminder.

As for keeping mates, tell her that too. Be it a month of being apart and healing in your own ways, keep in touch, talk about your feelings or just talk about the day in small doses, see how you get on.

Thus be my two pence, if she sees you in pain as much as she is without being angry or anything and the facts are laid out as clear as day, whether she meant to or not, she's in the wrong and should take a little responsibility for that to make things easier for the both of you.

Thus be my two pence, good luck.

[Wirbelwind8]

Originally Posted by Mystique

I'd say ask her to leave, least for the current time, tell her straight up how you feel, how much this hurts to have the memories of being together, of sharing your firsts and to have to see her everyday, reminding you of what you've lost?
You dont have to say it maliciously or anything, but that's just pure torture. For whatever reasons she cannot be with you, you cannot share the same space with her, at least not for the meantime.

Yeah I see ya frowning at me, but you offered her room to assist, you didn't make the first moves, or take advantage it seems going by your statement, however you were both incredibly emotionally vunerable and still are, you need space, however you actually have rights to regain that space from her.

Unfortunately, you were her rebound and it sucks to hell. But if she's smart, she'll be well aware of that and if she denies it, drive it home to her. You're hurting cause of this and only wish her happiness, but trust me, being away will allow you to have some moments of peace and some times to heal without a physical, constant reminder.

As for keeping mates, tell her that too. Be it a month of being apart and healing in your own ways, keep in touch, talk about your feelings or just talk about the day in small doses, see how you get on.

Thus be my two pence, if she sees you in pain as much as she is without being angry or anything and the facts are laid out as clear as day, whether she meant to or not, she's in the wrong and should take a little responsibility for that to make things easier for the both of you.

Thus be my two pence, good luck.

Thanks for the advice and the time to read my story.

So some things happened 2 hours after I posted this. I was going through my facebook and saw her status "Anyone in need of a new apartment? bla bla bla" I couldn't believe what I saw. I was angry, upset, and disappointed that she was serious about it. Those were my first thoughts and I immediately without hesitation drove down to where she worked, I just knew she would be there.

I stormed into the restaurant, walked into the back where the cooks are, found her, and gave her a big hug, "please....don't leave. Don't move out"

Her: I have to, you left the house, thats pretty much saying you dont want me to be there, its obvious that it's hard on you that Im there.

me: Sure that may be, but thats something Ill have to deal with, the last thing I want is for you to leave the house.

Her: why? Its best for you, why do you want me to stay?

me: Your a good roomate, and a greater friend.

sadly, I started to tear up because I knew if she left, we wouldnt be friends anymore, thats just how it is with breakups. Living in the same house is an opportunity for us to share stories, know whats going on in each others lives and so forth. It's maybe true that it would be the for the best for me, its a fact. But Ill take that challenge and Ill make sure I overcome it if it means for her to stay. Call me stupid, naive, retarded, but if I did this without thinking, then I must be serious about it.

Based off from a true story that occured about 2 hours ago :P.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

My friend thinks one of my teachers who i have a thing for has a thing for me...

E.g Yesterday:

Him: You know if your sat alone for lunch i'd be happy to sit with you everyday.
Me: Really?
Him: Yes, come to my office at 1:05 and we'll walk down together.
Me: Thanks, it's a date then, *i laughed jokingly*
Him: *winks and licks his lips at me*


And the other day:

Me: Morning sir!
Him: Morning, how're you?
Me: Fine thanks you?
Him: I'm fine, a little pissed off but i'm fine.
Me: Why what's up?
Him: All this paper work and marking has been driving me crazy and to be honest you're the only thing I come to school for.
Me: ... *blush*
Him: *puts arm around me* See ya later.
Me: Bye..



I was like o_O he is so hott and I am just fail!!

Is he trying to wind me up?

....why are you such a weirdo magnet, Imouto-chan?

Anyway, I concur with everyone else up to now. This ain't anything good, so you should damn well keep your distance from this pedobear before you end up doing something you'll regret. And if he becomes too persistent, keep your SMACK FOR GREAT JUSTICE ready in hand.

Originally Posted by Wirbelwind8

Thanks for the advice and the time to read my story.

So some things happened 2 hours after I posted this. I was going through my facebook and saw her status "Anyone in need of a new apartment? bla bla bla" I couldn't believe what I saw. I was angry, upset, and disappointed that she was serious about it. Those were my first thoughts and I immediately without hesitation drove down to where she worked, I just knew she would be there.

I stormed into the restaurant, walked into the back where the cooks are, found her, and gave her a big hug, "please....don't leave. Don't move out"

Her: I have to, you left the house, thats pretty much saying you dont want me to be there, its obvious that it's hard on you that Im there.

me: Sure that may be, but thats something Ill have to deal with, the last thing I want is for you to leave the house.

Her: why? Its best for you, why do you want me to stay?

me: Your a good roomate, and a greater friend.

sadly, I started to tear up because I knew if she left, we wouldnt be friends anymore, thats just how it is with breakups. Living in the same house is an opportunity for us to share stories, know whats going on in each others lives and so forth. It's maybe true that it would be the for the best for me, its a fact. But Ill take that challenge and Ill make sure I overcome it if it means for her to stay. Call me stupid, naive, retarded, but if I did this without thinking, then I must be serious about it.

Based off from a true story that occured about 2 hours ago :P.

So. Many. Uses.

I don't know if you're going to listen to me anyway, but all I gotta say is, your next destination is Heartbreak Hotel, bud. It's darn clear that neither of you are ready for each other yet, so the wisest course of action would have been to make a clean break for it.

Well. What's done is done. Update us on how it goes.

[Splitpersonality]

My friend thinks one of my teachers who i have a thing for has a thing for me...

My friend is in a similar situation, and I believe you should listen to the people here. It's not worth your trouble, pain, and I don't think it's worth his career, though I do not know this man.

Maybe he is just trying to wind you up, but if not... :E

[UltimaWolf]

Originally Posted by Wirbelwind8

Thanks for the advice and the time to read my story.

So some things happened 2 hours after I posted this. I was going through my facebook and saw her status "Anyone in need of a new apartment? bla bla bla" I couldn't believe what I saw. I was angry, upset, and disappointed that she was serious about it. Those were my first thoughts and I immediately without hesitation drove down to where she worked, I just knew she would be there.

I stormed into the restaurant, walked into the back where the cooks are, found her, and gave her a big hug, "please....don't leave. Don't move out"

Her: I have to, you left the house, thats pretty much saying you dont want me to be there, its obvious that it's hard on you that Im there.

me: Sure that may be, but thats something Ill have to deal with, the last thing I want is for you to leave the house.

Her: why? Its best for you, why do you want me to stay?

me: Your a good roomate, and a greater friend.

sadly, I started to tear up because I knew if she left, we wouldnt be friends anymore, thats just how it is with breakups. Living in the same house is an opportunity for us to share stories, know whats going on in each others lives and so forth. It's maybe true that it would be the for the best for me, its a fact. But Ill take that challenge and Ill make sure I overcome it if it means for her to stay. Call me stupid, naive, retarded, but if I did this without thinking, then I must be serious about it.

Based off from a true story that occured about 2 hours ago :P.

Just a few curious questions. Did she atleast look sad or upset when she saw you tear up after saying that? I'm guessing she decided to stay with you aswell?

[Wirbelwind8]

Originally Posted by UltimaWolf

Just a few curious questions. Did she atleast look sad or upset when she saw you tear up after saying that? I'm guessing she decided to stay with you aswell?

I really didn't look at her face as I was tearing up to know...I hope so though haha

She said she probably will stay, cheap rent, likes my friend and I as roomates.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Wirbelwind8

Thanks for the advice and the time to read my story.

So some things happened 2 hours after I posted this. I was going through my facebook and saw her status "Anyone in need of a new apartment? bla bla bla" I couldn't believe what I saw. I was angry, upset, and disappointed that she was serious about it. Those were my first thoughts and I immediately without hesitation drove down to where she worked, I just knew she would be there.

I stormed into the restaurant, walked into the back where the cooks are, found her, and gave her a big hug, "please....don't leave. Don't move out"

Her: I have to, you left the house, thats pretty much saying you dont want me to be there, its obvious that it's hard on you that Im there.

me: Sure that may be, but thats something Ill have to deal with, the last thing I want is for you to leave the house.

Her: why? Its best for you, why do you want me to stay?

me: Your a good roomate, and a greater friend.

sadly, I started to tear up because I knew if she left, we wouldnt be friends anymore, thats just how it is with breakups. Living in the same house is an opportunity for us to share stories, know whats going on in each others lives and so forth. It's maybe true that it would be the for the best for me, its a fact. But Ill take that challenge and Ill make sure I overcome it if it means for her to stay. Call me stupid, naive, retarded, but if I did this without thinking, then I must be serious about it.

Based off from a true story that occured about 2 hours ago :P.

Ascoloth you beat me to it, but I'll add my own regardless....


You did this without thinking, not cause you were serious, but because your heart lead the way instead of your mind and the thought of being away from her, the pain associated (yes it will hurt) scares you more than the common sense needed to enable you to heal.
You were basically ruled by fear, and she's smart enough to pick up the signs that you're suffering with her being there for now since you went as far as to go to a hotel room.

Her leaving != you losing touch forever.
That depends entirely on the pair of you as young adults and how much you treasure your friendship enough to try to work through the pain after being together.
But again, that needs open communication and a lot of effort, not desperation, tears and pleas.

Instead of making a clean break, healing and then both coming back to repair the damage piece by piece, you're swimming in broken pieces and trying to heal with the mess around, it'll be nasty... even more painful perhaps and more damaging than it already is.
Cue emotions of confusion, jealousy, desire, lust, envy, conflict, she's there, but you can't have her, etc etc.
No breathing space for either one of you to get better in your own personal ways and yes, that is very much needed, believe me.

*sighs & shrugs*
We're only a message board anyways and advice is given to be taken/not taken, but it hurts to see someone walk into something that spells likely disaster for them, I guess you'll live and learn

[Cipher]

I'm burdened by a disturbance. Propitiously, ameliorate me: Which areas, within a city, would I be able to locate girls I could ask out in an non-awkward way?

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Cipher

I'm burdened by a disturbance. Propitiously, ameliorate me: Which areas, within a city, would I be able to locate girls I could ask out in an non-awkward way?

As long as you've got the cash, I'd say the local red-light district is a safe bet.

Seriously, dealing with the uncertainty inherent in confessing an romantic interest in another person isn't a matter of the people in a particular location.

[Xion Valkyrie]

Originally Posted by Cipher

I'm burdened by a disturbance. Propitiously, ameliorate me: Which areas, within a city, would I be able to locate girls I could ask out in an non-awkward way?

Stay away from bars. I suggest joining something like a pottery class or dancing class. It'd be a far more friendly atmosphere and you'll actually have something in common to start the conversation with.

[Cipher]

Originally Posted by Xion Valkyrie

Stay away from bars. I suggest joining something like a pottery class or dancing class. It'd be a far more friendly atmosphere and you'll actually have something in common to start the conversation with.

Reasonable enough, I'll join a "female" class session and pretend interested while hiding my mating intention.

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

As long as you've got the cash, I'd say the local red-light district is a safe bet.

What is the "red-light district"? I have no specific character I'm interested in. I just need to date girls.

[King Lycan]

^ Where you find prostitutes

Dating sucks only good aspect is the sex imo ..

[HigurashinoUmineko]

Uh I am sort of in a dating situation. Or at least I'd like to be...
There's this girl I like. The way I feel about her is indescribable. The problem is that we're really good friends and I just don't want to be the guy who is known forever as her best friend and nothing more. But I can't seem to have a chance to ask her out since I get cold feet in the last second and it seems her parents don't really like their daughter dating so
What can I do??

[Cipher]

Originally Posted by HigurashinoUmineko

Uh I am sort of in a dating situation. Or at least I'd like to be...
There's this girl I like. The way I feel about her is indescribable. The problem is that we're really good friends and I just don't want to be the guy who is known forever as her best friend and nothing more. But I can't seem to have a chance to ask her out since I get cold feet in the last second and it seems her parents don't really like their daughter dating so
What can I do??

Give up...this type of situation has too much troubles. IMO, look for another girl. ...now where can we find girls???

[MeoTwister5]

Originally Posted by HigurashinoUmineko

Uh I am sort of in a dating situation. Or at least I'd like to be...
There's this girl I like. The way I feel about her is indescribable. The problem is that we're really good friends and I just don't want to be the guy who is known forever as her best friend and nothing more. But I can't seem to have a chance to ask her out since I get cold feet in the last second and it seems her parents don't really like their daughter dating so
What can I do??

Contrary to what the previous poster said, no, don't give up. I was in a similar situation as you years ago and also gave up, a decision I still regret even today. If you feel THAT strongly for her and you are THAT convinced, it's going to hurt more in the long run that you did nothing than if you confessed your feelings and got rejected. I guarantee this.

The first thing you should do is of course, try and gauge how she thinks of her relationship to you. The way to do this tends to vary really, but what I suggest you do is casually drop a few discrete questions here and there when you're hanging out about the topic and your personal issue. Try not to make them sound so serious. As her friend I'm sure you understand the ways she react, the ways she answer etc., and from that you can probably gauge her feelings. Being friends and all, she'll be more open with you than some other guy acquaintance. At the start, at least that's a better way than asking outright, which usually never ends well.

And of course, as her friend you'd be privy to information about the things she looks for in a man. This is not to say that you need to pretend/change yourself into her prince charming, but this will give you an idea of the things she holds to be important in dating and things she doesn't. With that you could evaluate yourself and your own personality. Again, you don't need plastic surgery and a new identity, but if this consists of a few things that you can alter (and most importantly, things you likewise believe to be important in a person you yourself would be dating), then by all means change.

As for what I'm going to say next, I'm probably skipping a whole lot of things but everything in between really depends on your own personal approach. When you finally think you understand enough, changed enough and recruited the balls to do so, ask her out on a "friendly date." I'd probably stress the term friendly because she'd most likely be surprised and/or shocked when you ask her out. At the start I'd say keep it friendly first, stress that this is a date between friends and liken it to "testing things" to see where it goes. If she rejects you here, she probably doesn;t think of you that way and probably never will, but if she accepts then it's usually an indication she's willing to give things a try.

Everything else beyond that is up to you. I only got that far so I can't really suggest anything more.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Cipher

Reasonable enough, I'll join a "female" class session and pretend interested while hiding my mating intention.

Heheh, that was my idea, too. Never ended up happening, but it's a good one! Once you start making female friends, as long as you're personable and friendly, you tend to get a lot more (unless the girls are all tom-boys). One thing to note, however, is that if you go with this approach, you need to be a little more long-term. Bars are places where you can pick people up quite easily (supposedly) - it's almost expected that people are there to meet and mingle. It's a social/dating scene. A pottery class/club (or other such activities) are not viewed as such. If you go there and ask someone out too quickly, it's likely that the entire group will shun you (unless they all develop an attraction for you at first sight and are very forgiving of such sleaziness).

The next issue that arises is, how long do you wait? You go, make friends, show off how wonderful of a guy you are... and then what? The worry among males (which, depending on which girl you speak to, is based on reality) is that you'll enter "the friend zone" - that is, the point where your female friend will never consider you as dating material, no matter how wonderful you are. I'd recommend not worrying too much about that at this point. Just go, have fun, make friends, meet their friends, and if you find someone you find really attractive, don't be intimidated.

Originally Posted by HigurashinoUmineko

Uh I am sort of in a dating situation. Or at least I'd like to be...
There's this girl I like. The way I feel about her is indescribable. The problem is that we're really good friends and I just don't want to be the guy who is known forever as her best friend and nothing more. But I can't seem to have a chance to ask her out since I get cold feet in the last second and it seems her parents don't really like their daughter dating so
What can I do??

Think long and hard, stew over it, and eventually, just ask her out. How to ask her out depends on what you're capable of and what you think she'd be charmed by.

Don't worry about her parents. My fiancee's parents didn't want her dating until she was done with school (so, she'd have to wait until she was in her 30's). There was some confusion on their part about what to do once they saw that their daughter was in love and that the guy she was with wasn't a total dip, but they quickly became very accepting of me. And since you're her good friend, they've probably heard about you at least a bit and should have a favorable impression of you, right? So things are in your favor.

It doesn't always work out that way, of course. I've heard of a girl whose parents also didn't want her dating until she was done with school. When they found out that she'd met someone in college, they flew to her, sat down with her and her boyfriend, and basically told them that they can't date and so on. I'd die of embarrassment, if I were either the girl or her boyfriend. Last I'd heard, that girl is dating and just keeping it a secret from her parents. Not ideal, for sure.

So, just have courage. Don't think too much about what happens after you ask her, because if you start worrying about a negative result, you'll never get anywhere. Realistically speaking, things would not be as bad as you would imagine them to be, either. Whether you're accepted or rejected, you'll feel better after you get your feelings out.