2008-05-04, 06:33 | Link #21 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
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I suppose what complicates it for me (as a male) is I've seen cases where a very attractive and friendly female, gets lots of male "friends". Even if there's no chance of physical activity, the men still get to enjoy her attention and beauty (and then offline discuss among themselves how hot and desireable said female is). Honestly, I don't think anyone can really call this 'friendship', even though the woman feels she's surrounded by male friends. I've also seen many cases where (a) single girl has single male friend, (b) then single male friend expresses a desire for more than friendship, (c) girl then is hurt and disgusted that the friendship was 'ruined' by guy. And then when viewing this at a distance, I'm shaking my head in disbelief that the girl couldn't see this coming from miles away. I'm not sure I've ever seen a genuine male-female friendship that wasn't tainted by something else. These observations have pretty well jaundiced me to historically answer 'no', but I'm trying to understand if this is 100% true in 100% of all cases... Last edited by Happy_Chip; 2008-05-04 at 06:44. |
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2008-05-04, 07:42 | Link #22 |
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
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I see where the people who say no are coming from... But at the same time, its totally different from actually getting into a relationship.
A man and a woman can simply be friends - its not like they always want to have sex or something. Its like suggesting that a gay guy and any other guy or any random woman and a lesbian can't have a platonic relationship simply because one would be attracted to the other in a non-platonic way. Following this logic, bisexual people would have a pretty hard time... |
2008-05-04, 08:02 | Link #23 |
Chicken or Beef?
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Seattle
Age: 41
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Experiences of every individual in this world is so different and unique that that saying "no" is jaded, its when you won't look past your own personal experiences and accept that everyone is different. The fact is, everyone IS different, and therefore everyones relationship is different, to give the explicit "no" means you're close minded and refuse to believe otherwise for whatever reason, at least thats how I see it.
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2008-05-04, 11:59 | Link #24 |
♪♫ Maya Iincho ♩♬
Artist
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Without reading any post so far. I'd say yes. I know many people like you state that it seems that no matter what, you and her will just simply get closer. Not true. When I'm with the opposite sex, we can joke around like where we're simply co-workers or friends and not in any kind of relationship.
So yes you can. You just have to take the initiative and keep your distance, that's all. Keep urself one step away from that place and stay and stand firm on your current "friend" position where you are now. "unless you like it that way"
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2008-05-04, 12:55 | Link #26 |
Bittersweet Distractor
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 32
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Although I voted "No" in this poll let me explain my point of view on this matter.
First of all, I don't think a man and a woman can easily becomes friends. Perhaps my definition of a friend is different than other people, I do believe a man and a woman can be acquaintances though and to me there is a big distinction between that. A friend is someone who will always be there when you're in trouble, a friend is someone someone who listens, someone who tells the truth about yourself and you appreciate it, someone who arrives unexpectedly, as you are going out and you want with all your heart to take them with you. An acquaintance is someone you are just on friendly terms with, you may spend time outside of the work place or school here and there, you may talk here and there with some little friendly chit chat. But after you leave the workplace or after you leave your college, those acquaintances disappear from your life. A woman is usually a friend when they're your lover. I would it find it highly unusual otherwise. And when you become older and get married and happen to actually be friends with someone of the opposite gender, I don't think your wife or husband will appreciate you hanging out with the opposite sex. Society deems its unusual, therefor it is wrong. Many of the modern countries today, I have not been to lal countries of course so I can't speak for everybody, may be technologically more advanced that its neighbors, but they are from a sociological standpoint too immature. So I will stick with my answer of no, coming from someone who lives in California, but a truly ideal world it should be yes, we as people are not there yet. As long as we still have government issues like gay marriage, we are definitely not there yet.
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2008-05-04, 14:05 | Link #27 |
Chicken or Beef?
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Seattle
Age: 41
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my definition of a friend is the same, and as mentioned in an earlier post I have 4 female friends who are my best friends. What does that mean? There are always exceptions, its best that you realize that at a young age, before you end up closing your mind as you get older.
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2008-05-04, 14:48 | Link #28 | |
Bittersweet Distractor
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 32
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Quote:
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2008-05-04, 14:54 | Link #29 |
Senior Member
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I would say yes but with exceptions. I only say this because the human mind has a tendency to wonder into the oddest thoughts and subjects. Even if you don't want to think about something you probably will sooner or later, especially something about a friend that you meet often.
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2008-05-04, 16:32 | Link #30 |
Chicken or Beef?
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Seattle
Age: 41
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No, not single, but I was friends with them from before I got engaged, 15 ~ 20 years have we known each other and grew up with each other.
The nature of the question is very easy, just pick yes if you agree that there are cases where friends don't become something more, and there are cases where they do. Pick no if you think there is no way in hell can a man and women be friends/whatever no matter what. |
2008-05-04, 16:34 | Link #31 | |
Toyosaki Aki
Scanlator
Join Date: Nov 2007
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Quote:
Even when people fulfill your very specific definition of a friend, they are NOT necessarily going out. In fact, it is exceedingly common with these "nice guys".
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2008-05-04, 16:43 | Link #32 |
AS Oji-kun
Join Date: Nov 2006
Age: 74
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I do think there's a problem maintaining a friendship after breaking up with someone you've had a romantic relationship with. I went through that with someone I dated a few years' ago. She wanted us to stay friends, but at the time it was too difficult for me to maintain a more distant relationship with someone I had been so close to. Now, years later, we can have dinner or talk on the phone from time to time.
Being friends with women yet not having a romantic relationship with them is something I've done most of my life.
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Last edited by SeijiSensei; 2008-05-05 at 07:04. Reason: grammar |
2008-05-04, 16:46 | Link #33 |
~ You're dead ^__^* ~
Graphic Designer
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Well I don't know how females feel but as a male we do tend to let our minds wander whenever we are near people of the opposite sex (and old statistic states that men thinks about sex 5 times more than women).
But I do believe that there are such things as "just friends", right until the point where your male friends point out that you make a great couple and you, letting your mind wander again
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2008-05-04, 17:07 | Link #34 |
9wiki
Scanlator
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Can they? Yes. If they couldn't, how would brothers and sisters get along?
I can certainly see where there is reason to be wary, though. Attraction and emotion are multi-faceted, fuzzy scales and not on-off switches. The same parts of our brain that process emotion and sexuality are used not only in selecting a mate but also things like goal setting and car shopping. I don't expect 90% of the population to use their capacity to remain aware of the goings-on in their heads and hearts, though, nor to have the foresight or willpower to do anything but give in to their fleeting desires. About half of my closest friends are female. Some of those have always been, without question, just friends, and with some there has been attraction of varying levels one way or the other (and occasionally mutual). That's worked around by setting boundaries. That's worked out well, because I've been able to become friends with husbands acquired, be an "uncle" to children produced, and be a friend to single young women who needed a reliable friend and not a "threat". So, yes, men and women can be friends. I would say, though, that most close friendships would not last long-term without awareness and boundary setting.
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2008-05-04, 23:38 | Link #37 | |
Bittersweet Distractor
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 32
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Still though, guys don't truly become friends with girls unless they in a relationship, in my opinion. A guy will tell a guy friend about his dirty secrets, but not "usually" will a guy ever tell a girl about his dirty secrets. I think this creates a boundary that cannot be surpassed since genders are not equal. Genders are treated differently, this is just natural for humans do so. But like Hayashi Takara here, I guess there can be exceptions, but from what I see it's pretty rare. I wish more people in society could be like you then.
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2008-05-05, 01:25 | Link #38 |
~La-la Land~
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Seattle
Age: 37
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Despite voting yes, I do have some qualms about the issue. My best-friend is male, and no, he is not the same person as my boyfriend. They are two different people, but neither of them harbor any jealousy toward the other (at least from what they've told me). After hitting college, the majority of my friends and acquaintances were males and I maintained strict barriers between them. I have noticed however how easily the males in a friendship fall for the girl while the girl remains oblivious of the desires. I have had a few situations where I became aware of the affections of some of my guy friends and had to either let them know my feelings or distance myself if they were too adamant. In the past few years that I've been in a steady relationship, it's become easier for me to read when a guy is interested in more than just friendship, and surprisingly (or perhaps not so surprisingly depending on what camp you sit in) most guys will admit to harboring thoughts inappropriate of straight friendship. Let's just say, if I kissed them, they would undoubtedly and willingly kiss back.
This probably varies from person to person though~
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