Nanoha Fanfic Discussion

[KeithKurogane]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Okay, here's what I'm seeing.

The first part with Vita seems a little hard to read. We get "Vita is visibly pissed, shes expecting a great vacation from Keith Kurogane, only to be ruined by an energy surge from the Destroy Gundam's Beam Barrage."

Since that is one sentence it could be worded a little easier, such as "Vita was seriously pissed; her vacation plans, promised by Keith Kurogane, were just ruined by a surge of energy released from Destroy Gundam's Beam Barrage."
That's just putting it in my 'style' of writing, and I'm not implying that's the only way of doing it. Just suggesting to make it a little easier to flow.

The rest was broken up a little too much, in my opinion. One liners break reading flow by giving it a sort of choppy feel, so it's something to try and avoid. This will also force you to detail a little more and give the story a better overall feel.



That left me confused.A ship came out of the blue? "Nanoha and the others are still..." suggest that they crashed in the past and are currently trying to recover. So if they had already crashed, who's ship just appeared so suddenly?



You don't need to break that up so much, as only Vita is speaking. Also, to avoid the one liners, try combining and re-wording:
"Hey you!" Vita exclaimed angrily as Stellar continued it's rain of Chaos with her Gundam. Taking out her hammer, she looked a bit shocked when she was suddenly looked back upon and had lasers fired in her direction. "Graf Eisen!"

Moving the four lines together, you combined what was happening around Vita and kept it to her paragraph. Since Stellar didn't actually speak, and his/her/it's action were on Vita, it can stay in the same section. Also, try and avoid the same words in a single paragraph: Vita taking out Graf Eisen and then calling it's name.

That's all right now, gotta go somewhere right fast. Please remember that those are just my comments tailored to my style. Developing your own style is very important too, so only take what I said at face value and not something from another author that should be set in stone.

Also, quick note, my style tends to over use commas. If you're not comfortable with colon and semicolon then you may need someone else trying to give comments lol

It got me where it hurts...
anyways its true so i need to re-write the story again...
thanks for the Constructive Criticism!

[Satashi]

CC always hurts >.< normally because you know it, but seeing it in words hurts a lot more since you gotta face it ^^;

Good luck!

[Eagle8819]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Authors: What's one "flaw" that just nags you in your style of writing? One that you do and then hit backspace to try and keep from doing it.

I can't write details. Subtle, brief details, sure -- but ask me to go into details, I will probably balk and press backspace a lot of time. This is why I cannot ever write action scenes. I tend to overuse a lot of comas and semicolons in the past, too, but my beta managed to beat that habit out of me.

Readers: What's something that just annoys the hell out of you when reading? Can be anything: Misuse of honorifics, the use of honorifics, typos, badly written sentences, OOC-ness, too much/too little of something, anything at all.

A lot of things nags me, to be honest. But perhaps because I tend to prioritize characterization, ooc-ness tend to annoy me the most. A little is fine, but go overboard and I will just close the browser.

And spell checks. I don't expect perfect spellings, but the least one could do is actually spell check with word or some available programs...and experience from reading random fics from different fandoms tells me they did not even do so. Well, aside from that, I like logical plots. I love it, actually. If I see a fic telling me Nanoha gained godly powers and turned evil (for no reason) and ruled the whole world through evil methods and whatever...no, just no. I will laugh at you. Seriously.

All these aside...time for fic spammage. =P

Stigma.

Angst fic, of course, if you haven't guessed yet. But not as bad as The Blue Sky, I think.

[Riddly]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Double Post FTW!

This post is for everyone, the more people reply to it the better!

Authors: What's one "flaw" that just nags you in your style of writing? One that you do and then hit backspace to try and keep from doing it.

Besides feeling like I spam commas, I have a problem with dialogue. I never feel like I can make it realistic enough.

Originally Posted by Satashi

Readers: What's something that just annoys the hell out of you when reading? Can be anything: Misuse of honorifics, the use of honorifics, typos, badly written sentences, OOC-ness, too much/too little of something, anything at all.

I agree with Eagle on OOC. I try to keep mine in character, but they may not always be as close as I like. Some ooc is ok, but not to the point where you're just staring going "who the hell is this?"

Originally Posted by Eagle8819

All these aside...time for fic spammage. =P

Stigma.

Angst fic, of course, if you haven't guessed yet. But not as bad as The Blue Sky, I think.

Already commented twice now on this, but I suggest everyone go read it. Be sure to listen to the music she has suggested as well. Angstfest! <3

[Liingo]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Double Post FTW!

This post is for everyone, the more people reply to it the better!

Authors: What's one "flaw" that just nags you in your style of writing? One that you do and then hit backspace to try and keep from doing it.

Hmmm I can't really think of one specific flaw off the top of my head.. It's probably because I've only been writing for a few months.. But I know there's alot of work to be done to improve...

I'll have to get back to you once I've been writing more Satashi.. I've really only written one thing so far, with idea's for other fic's that relate to my current work.

Readers: What's something that just annoys the hell out of you when reading? Can be anything: Misuse of honorifics, the use of honorifics, typos, badly written sentences, OOC-ness, too much/too little of something, anything at all.

When the fic is in a script form. I don't mind it if it's short, but anything longer than a few hundred words, and I can't read it...

The other main thing would be typos. Sure I can see a few getting through every now and then but when it's consistently misspelt..... grrrr.

Originally Posted by Eagle8819

All these aside...time for fic spammage. =P

Stigma.

Angst fic, of course, if you haven't guessed yet. But not as bad as The Blue Sky, I think.

*thumbs up*
Another well done fic.

Nice job on this.

[Tk3997]

Spill over from the OC Thread:

Originally Posted by Liingo

While I do agree with you (I'm trying to stay within canon myself for my works), the fact is that he had written a fair few chapters before Strikers went to air (in addition to Path of Vengeance) so it was bound to violate canon anyway.

In some ways, but the fact is even before StrikerS allot of this stuff was rather untenable in terms of canon support.

When exactly did we get Mind reading and mental magic such in the first season or A’s for instance? And with all this super-duper scanning magic how come they couldn’t find the Wolfies or Fate for shit? The time manipulation? Magic levels anywhere NEAR those required too resist a nuclear weapon?!

Even before StrikerS allot of this stuff was way out of bounds IMO, StrikerS just drove home the point even more that Nanoha magic is much more limited in application and power then many fantasy variants. People are too quick to assume magic = No limits, anything goes!!! “MAGIKZ!!!” shouldn’t be an excuse to throw logic out the window and do anything you want and ignore still valid scientific rules and common sense.

I'll give you all the points above.. although some leniency was provided by me when reading this as I knew that he was working off A's canon.

That’s just nonsense, Strikers is part of that continuity, he's making it sound like its two different universes! That would be like me writing a fic and going “I’m using Halo 1 and 2 for continuity purposes” when writing a fic that happens after Halo 3 it’s just ludicrous.

On the flying point, we had never seen flying get taught to anyone except Nanoha so it's a little more understandable.. I had actually pointed this out to him in my review of chapter 16. Below was part of his reply

Expect Nanoha is always portrayed as a near mutant freak when it comes to magical power (even back in the first two series) so using her experience learning to fly as a yard stick hardly seems all that logical to begin with.

Another quote to another reviwer.

That’s just nonsense, Strikers is part of that continuity, he's making it sound like its two different universes! That would be like me writing a fic and going “I’m using Halo 1 and 2 for continuity purposes” when writing a fic that happens after Halo 3 it’s just ludicrous.

It seems that I've got the ability to turn off my brain when reading/watching stories with good plot, which is probably the reason why I don't have that much of a problem with what he's done in general. The fact that it's obviously AU would be another reason.

I can do that too a point as well since I read it after all, but I’m not just going to ignore the increasingly glaring inaccuracies that are at least partially being perpetuated due to his refusal to view or acknowledge new Canon. I just don’t want people thinking that this is how magic in Nanoha acutally works; because I don’t think it is, and as I said allot of it wasn’t supported even before StrikerS IMO. He's popular in that section so I'm worried that his inaccurate (IMO) take on the magic of the universe might become quasi-accepted and used by others.



The AU part dose give him a bit more leeway too, but I don’t feel AU should be much of a pass on technical aspects, it can alleviate most character issues, but on the technical side I’ve never felt AUs were a viable excuse to just totally screw with the underpinnings of the universe.

Basically willful Ignorance of the Law is no excuse neither is willful ignorance of canon. He didn’t need to bend over backward to integrate StrikerS somehow, but just ignoring it apparently for fear it might contradict something he’d planned is self serving and lazy. He could have ignored StikerS plot easily, but still watched it for the technical and universal details. Instead he basically just ignores it and dose as he pleases blissfully and willing ignorant of canon.

[Satashi]

I don't know much about the above argument, but it seems like you're arguing logic on an AU?

AU = their own rules, does it not? I had the same thing in my 6th Division story that started from episode 1 of StrikerS and then ignored the rest of the series. Although I went out of my way in author's notes to state "THIS IS AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE"

But my point is, if it's an AU, canon is not needed. Anything out of whack (overpowering, mis use of logical magic, ect.) Is directly related to poor writing fore site on the author and/or the mis interpretation of the reader.

Example: Nanoha withstanding a nuclear explosion.
Is this bad writing/overpowering/mis us of logic, or is the reader at fault?

If Author stated before hand the magical properties of a shield, what it can withstand, and the power needed to overcome it and it can relate to the situation, then the author isn't at fault. AKA, if Nanoha can barrier a blast that can detroy part of an entire city ( like guarding against her own starlight breaker in A's, which seems to be MORE powerful than a nuclear explosion) then, in all legality, that is not overpowered, it's the reader misunderstanding the case in point and letting their own judgements override the canon of the FANFIC. now, if Author disregards radiation, then it's poor fault on their part.

One thing I'd like to say, though, is if a fanfic starts BEFORE strikerS, then it is still cannon to completly ignore StrikerS storyline, and all aspects of it. Because it's dated pre-StrikerS. AKA, if -forexample- character X dies in StrikerS, then in the fanfic started before it, there is no reason for that character to die.


Also please notethat this is just my thoughts on an AU ONLY, and not trying to press these thoughts on the fic you posted about. Also sorry if I misunderstood something in your post, as I do not know the complete story behind it.

[arkhangelsk]

Originally Posted by Satashi

I don't know much about the above argument, but it seems like you're arguing logic on an AU?

AU = their own rules, does it not? I had the same thing in my 6th Division story that started from episode 1 of StrikerS and then ignored the rest of the series. Although I went out of my way in author's notes to state "THIS IS AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE"

On the other hand, one can only accept so much deviance from canon, even with the "Alternate Universe" disclaimer, before one thinks, "This isn't MGLN. This is a self-made universe that happens to use a caricature of Nanoha!"

Originally Posted by Tk3997

Basically willful Ignorance of the Law is no excuse neither is willful ignorance of canon. He didn’t need to bend over backward to integrate StrikerS somehow, but just ignoring it apparently for fear it might contradict something he’d planned is self serving and lazy. He could have ignored StikerS plot easily, but still watched it for the technical and universal details. Instead he basically just ignores it and dose as he pleases blissfully and willing ignorant of canon.

I can understand his decision to put off watching StrikerS. If he sees a hard contradiction now, he's going to be torn between loyalty to his own story and loyalty to canon (or his updated perception of it). You say that he doesn't have to "bend over backwards", but what if he realizes the technical details are 180 degrees against what he has been writing?

Should he suddenly shank his Nanoha (which might be firing nuclear exchanges for 10 chapters) into firing 500 pound bombs in Ch 11? But if he proceeds the old way, the inconsistency will tear at him, and there will be no difference whether he watched StrikerS or not.

Such confusion will only, IMO, degrade a story. Even a rewrite will be impossible because with such a fundamental change in the techno-tactical characteristics of his combat elements, he may be forced to write a completely different story.

[Tk3997]

Originally Posted by arkhangelsk

On the other hand, one can only accept so much deviance from canon, even with the "Alternate Universe" disclaimer, before one thinks, "This isn't MGLN. This is a self-made universe that happens to use a caricature of Nanoha!"

Exactly I've never thought AU was a free license rape the core tentants of a universe for your own whims, at some point it's like "stop abusing this work and just make you're own". If someone wrote a Star Wars/Star Trek fan fic in which the Death Star super laser couldn't damage the Enterprise, but then said "it's AU!!!!" would that be okay for instance?

I can understand his decision to put off watching StrikerS. If he sees a hard contradiction now, he's going to be torn between loyalty to his own story and loyalty to canon (or his updated perception of it). You say that he doesn't have to "bend over backwards", but what if he realizes the technical details are 180 degrees against what he has been writing?

Should he suddenly shank his Nanoha (which might be firing nuclear exchanges for 10 chapters) into firing 500 pound bombs in Ch 11? But if he proceeds the old way, the inconsistency will tear at him, and there will be no difference whether he watched StrikerS or not.

Such confusion will only, IMO, degrade a story. Even a rewrite will be impossible because with such a fundamental change in the techno-tactical characteristics of his combat elements, he may be forced to write a completely different story.

My main issue is that IMO even before Strikers support for allot of this was shaky at best, also the story wasn't THAT far in when the series began airing and nothing too insane had happened yet. I think it would have benefited from him watching the beginning parts of Strikers, the training of the new forwards in particular, it could have helped with what he wanted to do but he ignored that and now yeah he's too deep in with his random students with less then a year of schooling and no experience before being heads and shoulders above the senior forwards who had been in the TSAB proper for at least a year or so before the series even began.

Even though I know not much can be done now I still don't have to like it and I can point out how inconsistent it is.

[Satashi]

Staying away from the fic issues, I still say that an alternate universe is still a free-for-all. You can change anything and everything in it at your pleasure because it is different from the original. That's the reason for writing the story; to be different. Also, no matter how you slice it, fanfiction is not cannon. Period. No matter how close you stick to it, no matter how perfect you get the characters, no matter how well you can write. It's an AU. This story did NOT happen in Nanoha.

So why are you upset that an author, of a fanficiton that is an AU and is not cannon has his own ideas and thoughts? If we aren't allowed to express our own ideas, our own feelings, our own thoughts... why should we write? You're saying (not literally) "This isn't cannon! This isn't what happened! This should have happened this way!" Man, go write your own. If you want to discuss the story this guy/girl is writing and talk about points in it in a mature way, we're here to talk with you. If you're going to dismiss the author's free will and condescend on his writing then this isn't the place for you.

All I see in your post is you imposing your ideas and beliefs on how this guy's story should have gone, and you're pointing out "flaws" that you see in your own mind. You are comparing a fan work of fiction to the official show and complaining it's not the same, that too much is differnt.

If you want to talk about far-fetched ideas such as the Death Star not hurting the Enterprise, let me throw this one at you.

A while ago Eagle wrote the most touching story most of us have read, in which Nanoha dies. yes that's right, the MAIN CHARACTER dies. Throwing everything out the window, a main character was killed off in a work of fiction. And yet, her reviews? "Amazing" "beautiful" "I cried" "this was so touching" "Best ever". That's a fanfic, that's an author putting her words down so others can read it. That is also what you are protesting in your posts.

As I said, if you want to talk about the fanfic itself, fine, talk about it. But if you want to complain about the author following his/her own thoughts on a work of art THEY are creating then I can only offer this advice to you: "Grow up and write your own."

I'm sorry if that was not your intent, but that's sure how it looked to me. The views above are mine and mine alone and I do not speak for everyone here.

[arkhangelsk]

Originally Posted by Tk3997

Exactly I've never thought AU was a free license rape the core tentants of a universe for your own whims, at some point it's like "stop abusing this work and just make you're own". If someone wrote a Star Wars/Star Trek fan fic in which the Death Star super laser couldn't damage the Enterprise, but then said "it's AU!!!!" would that be okay for instance?

There have already been "non AU" FanFics written where the Enterprise indeed withstands the DS superlaser. This is, of course, based on the term superlaser and interpreting a quote in TNG:The Outrageous Okona. I suppose I don't have to say what I think about that.

Originally Posted by Satashi

If you want to talk about far-fetched ideas such as the Death Star not hurting the Enterprise, let me throw this one at you.

A while ago Eagle wrote the most touching story most of us have read, in which Nanoha dies. yes that's right, the MAIN CHARACTER dies. Throwing everything out the window, a main character was killed off in a work of fiction. And yet, her reviews? "Amazing" "beautiful" "I cried" "this was so touching" "Best ever". That's a fanfic, that's an author putting her words down so others can read it. That is also what you are protesting in your posts.

First, let me say that I'm among those who loved it too.

I think this is the real meat of your argument. It would seem that you think that the death of Nanoha is more "jarring" to MGLN canon than the Enterprise reflecting the Death Star's superlaser is to Star Trek and Star Wars canon.

That means you are like most people I've seen - protagonists are the base of story universe. The world is just something "around" the characters.

To the Technical Accuracy Minority, the world is the base of the universe. No matter how great our characters are, they are nothing but players in the universe that the camera tracks. A death is ultimately no greater than the death of random redshirt B - to the universe anyway, not necessarily to our story.

From the TA point of view, Nanoha's death is perfectly reasonable in light of Quattro's canon statement. Since it is in the future, it does not contradict with any canon. With no Technical Accuracy objections, what's left is the execution, which was great.

On the other hand, known upsetting of the correlation of forces that make up the universe, to us, is an assault on the very base of the universe itself. One can see why our tolerance for it is lower. It may still be a good piece of fiction, but it just isn't a real FanFic to us - and we don't like it because new people might assume that Fan Fiction has a piece of canonical truth in it.

You might consider what you may think of a Fic that portrays Nanoha as not just dark, not just a bit of a White Devil, but a genocidal Hitler+Stalin combo. It is hard to imagine prose good enough to make you forgive that, even with the "AU" disclaimer label. It might still be a good character, but it just isn't Nanoha, isn't it...

[Eagle8819]

Hmm...

Well, in opposition (why am I trying to fire my fic?) to "The Blue Sky", if there's a season 4 of MGLN coming out saying Nanoha did not die ten years later, or if there's some other random explanation or events that happened, that would completely throw my story off-track, and it could no longer be considered possible canon.

This situation is similar to his. The only difference is that his fic came into existence just a short time before StrikerS was launched. If we were to take out the time factor, then my fic and his fic would be in the same situation, I think?

Basically willful Ignorance of the Law is no excuse neither is willful ignorance of canon. He didn’t need to bend over backward to integrate StrikerS somehow, but just ignoring it apparently for fear it might contradict something he’d planned is self serving and lazy. He could have ignored StikerS plot easily, but still watched it for the technical and universal details. Instead he basically just ignores it and dose as he pleases blissfully and willing ignorant of canon.

In his defense, he has made a lot of explanations on how this and that work -- and like arkhangelsk had mentioned, he could have been torn in between being loyal to his own story and being loyal to canon. And if he had that thorough of an explanation for every magic/power/etc (in which he also attempts to rationalize and make it logical), that makes it even harder to integrate some of the more canon details into them.

Also, I think I should note that his plot was a rather thorough one. And well-planned, if I may add. Doesn't anyone think it could be possible that he had finished plotting before StrikerS was launched? Or at least, close to finishing by then? I think that's very possible.

And if that was the case, then I definitely understand his reluctance to watch StrikerS. Imagine having plotted everything from scratch, only to have to tear down more than half just because StrikerS said otherwise? How possible is it to stick to what he wanted to portray if he were to change the plot from top to bottom?

Honestly, that's going to be hard. Being a writer myself, and somewhat in planning of an AU long fic, I can see where he's standing in all of this. Rather than self-serving and lazy, I think he's trying to protect his own story. The quality of his story.

Not to say I agree with how he worked, because I certainly do prefer to stick to canon and technical details as close as possible, but I can see why and how his fic had evolved like this. I suppose I'm just trying to say that we should try seeing things from his point of view, and think of the problems he may have. And besides, his efforts to make things logical is a very big plus point there.

Well. *pushes glasses up* Like Satashi had mentioned, AU is...alternate universe. That means the characters could be in a totally different universe and still have a story going there. Is it that hard to think of that fic as a story in a totally different universe? It already is in a different universe, in fact.

It's just the same thing as dumping the characters in a different fandom, like, say, Gundam Seed? The only difference is that this universe is something he created. As long as we know where that line is, and can see that line, then the fic is perfectly fine, in my opinion.

Oh the other hand, I do understand the point about new people assuming that fanfiction have a canonical point to it. That, however, just proves what great lengths he goes to writing his story. He's certainly put in a lot of effort into the fic, and attempts to rationalize things, so readers could certainly be swayed into thinking some of his theories could be canon.

But, well. We are all known to blur lines between canon and fanon sometimes. Let me get an example, such as...hmm...Naruto. It's been a very long time since I have read anything related to Naruto, but I do know of one example where the line had been blurred. For a very long time now, Kazuma Arashi (or was it something else? I can't remember. -.-; ) had been assumed as the right name for a significant character, despite the fact it was only created by an author - and nowhere in canon had the name been mentioned.

And now canon pops up with the real name of that character in one of the recent chapters. Yet I've still heard of some fanfics using the fanon name as real. TA would definitely object here - at least, from now on. But the thing is, that name is already so widespread, and I imagine it's near impossible to stop it anymore.

If the line blurs, it blurs. This, I think, is only a matter of time for the MGLN fandom. Even if that fic does not exist, I imagine some other random AU fics that might appear in the future would affect new readers in some way or another.

The only question is how much and how far would it affect the readers. And, well. Only time will tell.

So let's all play nice now, okay?

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by arkhangelsk

I think this is the real meat of your argument. It would seem that you think that the death of Nanoha is more "jarring" to MGLN canon than the Enterprise reflecting the Death Star's superlaser is to Star Trek and Star Wars canon.

That means you are like most people I've seen - protagonists are the base of story universe. The world is just something "around" the characters.

No, the point of my statement is that it is a fan made work of fiction that is an AU, and people are stating how it isn't canon, and that AU's only can go "so far". Whereas am AU fic can go as far as it wants, with no limits. That's the POINT of it. Nanoha can be a psychopathic murder that rips Fate's lungs out and plays them like bagpipes, and it's 100% okay for that fic. That's why they have a term for it, so if people don't like it they don't have to read it.


And don't classify me by a statement you misinterpret.

[arkhangelsk]

Originally Posted by Satashi

No, the point of my statement is that it is a fan made work of fiction that is an AU, and people are stating how it isn't canon, and that AU's only can go "so far". Whereas am AU fic can go as far as it wants, with no limits. That's the POINT of it. Nanoha can be a psychopathic murder that rips Fate's lungs out and plays them like bagpipes, and it's 100% okay for that fic. That's why they have a term for it, so if people don't like it they don't have to read it.


And don't classify me by a statement you misinterpret.

Are you telling me that you have absolutely no care for either Character or Technical accuracy, that to you it is a valid MGLN AU FanFic as long as Nanoha's name was slapped somewhere into the mass of text?

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by arkhangelsk

Are you telling me that you have absolutely no care for either Character or Technical accuracy, that to you it is a valid MGLN AU FanFic as long as Nanoha's name was slapped somewhere into the mass of text?

No, Nanoha's name doesn't even need to appear, if it's just in that world/ uses those elements it's a valid AU fic.

Notice I said nothing about quality of said fic. Just that it is, indeed, a AU

[arkhangelsk]

Originally Posted by Satashi

No, Nanoha's name doesn't even need to appear, if it's just in that world/ uses those elements it's a valid AU fic.

All right, but if you have to be "in that world", then shouldn't you be obligated to follow that world's rules? How can you be "in that world" when you don't follow that world's rules?

Even if you only take an MGLN element, that element originated from the MGLN world, which has its rules. So the elements should abide by the rules, should it not?

Notice I said nothing about quality of said fic. Just that it is, indeed, a AU

Entirely agree. The quality of the Fic is not under debate here (and most MGLN Fics I've seen are quite good).

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by arkhangelsk

All right, but if you have to be "in that world", then shouldn't you be obligated to follow that world's rules? How can you be "in that world" when you don't follow that world's rules?

Even if you only take an MGLN element, that element originated from the MGLN world, which has its rules. So the elements should abide by the rules, should it not?



Entirely agree. The quality of the Fic is not under debate here (and most MGLN Fics I've seen are quite good).

Everything in an AU is to the author's whims and desires. That, again, is the point. Keeping the terms true to Nanoha while keeping it an AU is a "skill" that while making the fic better, is not required to define that it is an AU.

Please don't misunderstand my intentions here. I'm in no means trying to encourage badly done fics with badly written rules. I'm merely stating what makes an AU, an AU, and that it shouldn't be taken so hard. In any other genre (romance, action, drama, ect.) I would fight blood tooth and nail about mechanics and rules. It's one of my biggest pet peeves ( people ignoring laws and such).

My argument is only that people were being rather harsh on the author for his views in an AU. If it wasn't an AU I would agree. Since it is, I'm voicing my opinions.

I see that I came off as rather direct and offensive in my post, and I apologize for that ( hard day, fast writing).

But yes:

All right, but if you have to be "in that world", then shouldn't you be obligated to follow that world's rules? How can you be "in that world" when you don't follow that world's rules?

That is 100% true and I stand by you in every way, shape, and form...... just not in an alternate universe 'cause it plays by alternate rules, in an alternate world ^.^

[USB500]

HOLY SHI--

After one full week of no Internet Access, I am finally back to deliver more madness that is humour and parody! Did anyone miss me?

Anyway, remember this?

Spoiler for I present to you...:

BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST
CHAPTER 01

Author’s note: this stage presentation takes place after all events of StrikerS. The Numbers are currently under tight surveillance by the TSAB.

// previously, Zone Ender Correctional Facility //

“What? No way. It can’t be true.”

“Of course it has to be. Otherwise we wouldn’t have to do this.”

The electric grill door was opened. Escorted by the facility’s security guards, the Lost Property Riot Force 6 was led to the playground where some of the Numbers were seen loitering around without any activity. They were oblivious of their visitors as they lay under the afternoon sky.

“I mean, come on! We were already done with Cinderella, and we were also done with them. Why he asked us to carry out another stage play? Mattaku.”

“Now, now, Hayate-chan. It’s best that we keep our concern to ourselves.”

“I wonder if Lone Wolf ate too much of those Aidilfitri cakes…”

The Aces stopped. One of the security guards asked them to wait and headed to call some of the Numbers. Nanoha, Fate and Hayate were waiting as some of them stood up and approached them, one after another.

“Here they come.”

The Numbers walked toward them. Cinque, Nove, Otto and Wendi. Only four of them.

“Are you sure he asked for just four of them?”

“There can be no mistake.”

The quartet looked up at the women. They turned to Ginga, who in turn smiled. “Well, I believe you’d be willing to give me some hands,” Ginga spoke.

“Oh, no, we don’t really mind,” Wendi said. “Besides, it’s kind of bored when we have nothing to do. Life sucks.”

“What do you need from us, Gin-nee?” Cinque asked.

Ginga chuckled. “You’re going to help me with my stage presentation.”

The quartet blinked. “Stage presentation? What’s that?” Otto asked.

“Didn’t you know?” Wendi replied and pointed skywards. “That day?”

Otto tilted her head. “That day?”

// FLASHBACK GOES HERE //

“Ah-hah!”

People heard idiotically dramatic background music played. They saw dramatic-looking smokes emerging from nowhere, followed by a group of people making dramatic - if not stupid - entrance. While everybody else took cover, and Erio withdrew Strada, Lutecia simply shook her head.

“Oh, please…”

“So what are we going to do?” Quattro asked Uno via intercom, even as the Numbers opened stances of their own.

“Our objective is to retrieve the Relic and avoid contact with TSAB officers,” Uno replied. “Don’t do stupid things and create havoc there, okay?”

Quattro scratched her cheek, laughing like a sissy girl. “Ettou… I don’t think I can tell the rest of the girls, though,” she said. Before Uno could ask what was going on, Tre already shouted a battle cry and pointed to the main hall. “Oh, whatever. Gomen, Uno!”

“TONIGHT, WE PARTY IN HELL!” Tre roared.

“That’s right, fellow readers,” the narrator said. “Today, the Numbers are supposed to retrieve a relic from the bureau’s headquarters but for some arcane reasons Tre, their concurrent leader, decides to have some fun by trashing the party. Has the girls not learned manners?”

// FLASHBACK ENDS HERE //

“And thanks to YOU, we had to detain you for an indefinite amount of time,” Subaru retorted and pointed to Nove’s face. “You ruined everything on that day, party thrasher!”

“I did not!” Nove replied. “Besides, that Imotou really started everything! And she even… she even made kittens rape Tre!”

// ANOTHER FLASHBACK GOES HERE //

“She looks weak,” Tre chided and pounced at Imotou. “Let’s see if she can dodge--” To her surprise, Imotou already dodged the tackle! “Ba-baaka na!”

Imotou giggled. She pointed Raising Heart and Tre and shouted: “SHOOT-O!”

Tre was startled because what came out of the “mobile particle cannon” was not the magenta-coloured beam of death but a hundred of Shamisen! Tre was even horrified when all the cats pinned her down, meowing and purring as they rubbed themselves against her body. “Hanaste! Hanaste!” she moaned in distress and squealed when one of the cats bit her earlobe.

“Poor Tre,” Ten no Koe commented. “Strong as she seemed, she was helpless against the hazardously fluffy horde of meowing fur-balls, and the people were not helping either as they gaped at the good-figured Number in excitement.”

Even Erio blushed in stimulation when one of the Shamisens nuzzled its nose against Tre’s bosom, before Caro furiously and POSSESSIVELY gave him a Stone-Cold Stunner. Lutecia merely knelt next to the knocked-out Erio, staring at his blissful face in affection.

“Go for the neck, Shamisen!” fan boys rooted. Shamisen did, and Tre both giggled in pleasure and yelped in grief. Fan boys roared in approval and got knocked out due to haemorrhage.

“Tre! Hang on! I’ll save you!” Nove jumped at Imotou, intending to attack her from behind but Imotou’s reflex made her aim miss. “Shimatta!” She turned back at the Barrier Jacket-donning girl who already gave her an Egyptian Mau kitten.

“Haii, dozo,” she offered.

“Ka… KAWAII!!!!” Nove gushed and took the innocent kitten, cuddling it comfortably in her arms. “It’s so warm…”

“Nove! You aren’t helping!” Tre shouted and moaned again when a Shamisen licked her lips. “Iyah! Dame!”

“ZOMG! Imotou is HAXX!” the rest of the people shouted. “Who the hell taught her?!”

// ANOTHER FLASHBACK ENDS HERE //

Tre shivered. “Get that cat off me!” she cried out.

As Nove and Subaru started exchanging eye lasers, Cinque approached Ginga and looked up art her. “So, the reason you gather us here is to ask us to take part in this… stage play. Is that correct?”

“Yes, it is,” Ginga answered. “As a matter of fact, we have agreed to choose you as our main star.”

Nove and Subaru stopped arguing. Wendi gasped. The Aces could only laugh. Otto remained clueless. It took them -- ALL OF THEM -- three minutes before one of them broke the silence.

“Oneesama is the heroine?? USO DA!!!” Nove screamed.

“Gin-nee! Cinque is going to be the leading actress?” Subaru exclaimed. “But does he know of this?”

“He?” Cinque asked.

Ginga remained calm as she looked at Erio who had just arrived. “The cast line-up had been pre-arranged, unfortunately. There’s nothing all of us can do about it.”

“You mean… Cinque-nee’s going to…”

“…be paired up…”

Subaru and Nove pointed to Erio’s face. “WITH THIS RED-HAIRED SHORTIE!!!????” they hollered.

Erio blinked. “Is there something on my face?”

“Well, Ginga, we leave them to you,” Nanoha said and headed back to the waiting security guards.

“Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing,” Ginga assured them.

“Good luck, then,” the Aces replied.

Ginga waved to her colleagues and turned back to the Numbers. “So, shall we begin?”

“Excuse me, Gin-nee,” Wendi spoke. “But how does a stage play work? We were never taught of anything like this before.” Otto nodded in agreement with her sister.

Ginga was about to answer when Erio suddenly went Casanova and approached Wendi, red rose mysteriously clamped between his lips. “Just leave this matter to me, Miss Wendi,” he said with a sparkling smile and flying rose petals.

“Err… excuse-”

“You don’t have to say anything, Miss Wendi,” Erio spoke in confidence. “I will teach you everything you need to know about mankind.”

“ROMEO MONDIAL IS MADE OF FAILURE!!!” Subaru and Nove shouted and delivered a double uppercut that sent Erio high into the air. The red-haired boy crashed back into the earth, and was trampled to death by the little sisters. “ROMEO MONDIAL MUST DIE!!!!”

“Subaru, Nove, please calm down!” Ginga pleaded.

“How are we supposed to calm down,” Nove replied and strangled Erio, “when this beast is the hero? I disapprove! I’m supposed to be the main cast instead of him!!”

Cinque blushed. “Nove…”

“Erio bags all the lolis,” Lutecia commented with a Seto San-like facial expression as she suddenly appeared next to Otto. “Erio wants to be the enemy of mankind.”

“Lute-chan, how good to see you here,” Ginga said. “Would you like to help?”

Lutecia nodded. “Sure.”

Erio managed to dislodge Nove’s arm lock, but was kicked by Subaru in the process. He was sent back towards Nove, crashed onto her, and fell onto the ground. Everybody, especially Cinque, gaped in disbelief, because:

One: Nove was on top of Erio in dominative position.
.
Two: Erio was under Nove in submissive position.
.
Three: Erio and Nove were holding hands in suggestive manners.
.
Four: Nove’s face was an inch or so from Erio’s.
.
Five: Nove and Erio were blushing furiously.

“Erio is the worst,” Lutecia jeered. “He drops Cinque-chan and goes after her younger sister instead. Why must he choose one when he can take both?”

“Erio-kun…” Cinque murmured before she mimicked Lutecia’s facial expression. “Sukebe.”

Erio snapped. “It was an accident! It was Subaru-” Subaru was whistling as he pointed at her. “Hey! You made me do this!” He moved, but in the process, his hands accidentally rested upon Nove’s breasts. Aw, yeah, right. Accidental. Go figure.

--“Sonic Move!!”--

With Strada activated, his hands involuntarily kneaded and moulded the young woman’s ripe mounds. Erio was horrified but could not stop his hands from doing THIS and THAT to Nove. “OH SHI-”

“BAAKA HENTAI!!!!!”

Nove sent Erio into the sky with a Naru Punch. “He molested me…” she gasped and started shivering in horror. “He dared molesting me…!” She broke into tears and was wailing bitterly as Ginga gave her a comforting embrace. “I’ve lost my virginity to that red-haired shortie! Now I can’t marry anymore…”

“Hush now,” Ginga whispered and softly rubbed her back. “Oneechan is here for you.”

“Gin-nee…”

Cinque, Otto, Wendi, Subaru and Lutecia gaped at the “sisterly embrace” scene. “Though I don’t like her, I feel kind of sorry for what Erio had done to her,” Subaru said.

“I can’t help but agree with you,” Cinque spoke.

“But this is going to be one exciting activity,” Wendi said. “So let’s give it our best try! Shall we?”

“Ou!” the rest of the girls agreed and threw their fists into the air.

Nove giggled and pressed her head against Ginga’s bosom. “Gin-nee is so soft…” she cackled and rubbed her nose against the secret valley.

“Nove-chan! What are you doing?!” Nove ignored Ginga’s plea and continued nuzzling her breasts, occasionally resting her hand upon it. The purple-haired woman moaned in distress when the Number buried her face deeper into the soft chest cushions. “Nove-chan! Stop it! AH! DAME!!!”

“NOVE-CHAN SAIKKO DESU!!!!” Zone Enders Correctional Facility personnel roared in approval and bled their nose. “BANZAI!! BANZAI!!!!”

Subaru killed Zone Enders Correctional Facility personnel with Double Revolving Knuckles.

“Sometimes, I wonder if Nove has learned to be naughty little sister,” Wendi said and glanced to the equally embarrassed Cinque.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Erio crashed outside the correctional facility. “Ouch. That punch has got to hurt.” He got up., sat down on the grass, and gazed at his palm. “So soft…” he murmured and cackled. “And they fit in my hands, too.”

He suddenly shivered. “What is this killing aura??” He turned around and saw a pink-haired girl holding what looked like an iron mace.

“E-Rio-KUN.”

“Err… yes?”

Caro Lu Rushe smiled. “Prepare to die.”

I win this thread. Where's my duit raya?

[Liingo]

First of all, I'd just like to apologise if this discussion had offended anyone... I was the one who suggested moving over here since it's actually relevant here and not in the OC thread....

Looks like alot of people have an opinion on this anyways.

Originally Posted by Tk3997

Spill over from the OC Thread:
In some ways, but the fact is even before StrikerS allot of this stuff was rather untenable in terms of canon support.

When exactly did we get Mind reading and mental magic such in the first season or A’s for instance? And with all this super-duper scanning magic how come they couldn’t find the Wolfies or Fate for shit? The time manipulation? Magic levels anywhere NEAR those required too resist a nuclear weapon?!

Possible development of technology/magic between the end of the BoD incident and the events that lead up to Hayate's actions in AB. That's one possible view on things. While he has pushed things beyond the boundaries of current Stikers canon, there's no way he could of known what was about to come when he started writing a good half year before Strikers was due to air.

That’s just nonsense, Strikers is part of that continuity, he's making it sound like its two different universes! That would be like me writing a fic and going “I’m using Halo 1 and 2 for continuity purposes” when writing a fic that happens after Halo 3 it’s just ludicrous.

While it is part of the canon continuity, it wasn't available when he started writing. See the note at the very start of the story AB in chapter one, before he even begins.

Originally Posted by Daishi Prime

Author's Note 1: I'm aware there's a third series, StrikerS due out next year, which means that this story, and its prequel (On the Path of Vengeance) are now AU stories, instead of just 'what if' aftermath stories

Using Strikers canon as well would mean going back and re-writing heavy portions of his story which would have been screwed over by the Strikers canon... (At the airing of strikers he was already a good 13/14 chapters into the story..)

Expect Nanoha is always portrayed as a near mutant freak when it comes to magical power (even back in the first two series) so using her experience learning to fly as a yard stick hardly seems all that logical to begin with.

Again with the canon... We had no reason to believe otherwise that learning flying is as difficult as it is until just recently. For all we knew, flying was available to everyone... even those with lesser magical power (see TSAB grunts). Although yes, basing if off Nanoha was a stupid decision on his part looking back with the knowledge that we now know.

Basically willful Ignorance of the Law is no excuse neither is willful ignorance of canon. He didn’t need to bend over backward to integrate StrikerS somehow, but just ignoring it apparently for fear it might contradict something he’d planned is self serving and lazy. He could have ignored StikerS plot easily, but still watched it for the technical and universal details. Instead he basically just ignores it and dose as he pleases blissfully and willing ignorant of canon.

Again, he started 6 months before. Including the technical/universal details contained in Strikers would have required him to go over somewhere between 100k-150k words (rough estimate on where he was in word count before Strikers began, including PoV) of content. Actually it could be much greater than that, since we don't really get any detail about the word until a few more episodes in.

Originally Posted by Satashi

One thing I'd like to say, though, is if a fanfic starts BEFORE strikerS, then it is still cannon to completly ignore StrikerS storyline, and all aspects of it. Because it's dated pre-StrikerS. AKA, if -forexample- character X dies in StrikerS, then in the fanfic started before it, there is no reason for that character to die.

That pretty much sums up my argument as to why Daishi Prime has ignored Strikers canon.

Originally Posted by arkhangelsk

I can understand his decision to put off watching StrikerS. If he sees a hard contradiction now, he's going to be torn between loyalty to his own story and loyalty to canon (or his updated perception of it). You say that he doesn't have to "bend over backwards", but what if he realizes the technical details are 180 degrees against what he has been writing?

Should he suddenly shank his Nanoha (which might be firing nuclear exchanges for 10 chapters) into firing 500 pound bombs in Ch 11? But if he proceeds the old way, the inconsistency will tear at him, and there will be no difference whether he watched StrikerS or not.

Such confusion will only, IMO, degrade a story. Even a rewrite will be impossible because with such a fundamental change in the techno-tactical characteristics of his combat elements, he may be forced to write a completely different story.

Thanks for the support on why he wanted not to take into account Strikers canon.

Originally Posted by Tk3997

My main issue is that IMO even before Strikers support for allot of this was shaky at best, also the story wasn't THAT far in when the series began airing and nothing too insane had happened yet. I think it would have benefited from him watching the beginning parts of Strikers, the training of the new forwards in particular, it could have helped with what he wanted to do but he ignored that and now yeah he's too deep in with his random students with less then a year of schooling and no experience before being heads and shoulders above the senior forwards who had been in the TSAB proper for at least a year or so before the series even began.

Even though I know not much can be done now I still don't have to like it and I can point out how inconsistent it is.

He hadn't gotten to the more serious side of the story yes, but the basic magical training had been completed at the time, and things were starting on their way. You can argue that with the student:teacher ratio being as high(3:1 or perhaps 4:1) as it is, that it should be expected that they would be learning at a much faster pace simply because they would be able to ask them what was going wrong/etc., more one on one time, opposed to the TSAB training in general, where the number instructors would be far less than the number of students

Originally Posted by Eagle8819

In his defense, he has made a lot of explanations on how this and that work -- and like arkhangelsk had mentioned, he could have been torn in between being loyal to his own story and being loyal to canon. And if he had that thorough of an explanation for every magic/power/etc (in which he also attempts to rationalize and make it logical), that makes it even harder to integrate some of the more canon details into them.

Also, I think I should note that his plot was a rather thorough one. And well-planned, if I may add. Doesn't anyone think it could be possible that he had finished plotting before StrikerS was launched? Or at least, close to finishing by then? I think that's very possible.

And if that was the case, then I definitely understand his reluctance to watch StrikerS. Imagine having plotted everything from scratch, only to have to tear down more than half just because StrikerS said otherwise? How possible is it to stick to what he wanted to portray if he were to change the plot from top to bottom?

Honestly, that's going to be hard. Being a writer myself, and somewhat in planning of an AU long fic, I can see where he's standing in all of this. Rather than self-serving and lazy, I think he's trying to protect his own story. The quality of his story.

Not to say I agree with how he worked, because I certainly do prefer to stick to canon and technical details as close as possible, but I can see why and how his fic had evolved like this. I suppose I'm just trying to say that we should try seeing things from his point of view, and think of the problems he may have. And besides, his efforts to make things logical is a very big plus point there.

Well. *pushes glasses up* Like Satashi had mentioned, AU is...alternate universe. That means the characters could be in a totally different universe and still have a story going there. Is it that hard to think of that fic as a story in a totally different universe? It already is in a different universe, in fact.

Oh the other hand, I do understand the point about new people assuming that fanfiction have a canonical point to it. That, however, just proves what great lengths he goes to writing his story. He's certainly put in a lot of effort into the fic, and attempts to rationalize things, so readers could certainly be swayed into thinking some of his theories could be canon.

But, well. We are all known to blur lines between canon and fanon sometimes. Let me get an example, such as...hmm...Naruto. It's been a very long time since I have read anything related to Naruto, but I do know of one example where the line had been blurred. For a very long time now, Kazuma Arashi (or was it something else? I can't remember. -.-; ) had been assumed as the right name for a significant character, despite the fact it was only created by an author - and nowhere in canon had the name been mentioned.

And now canon pops up with the real name of that character in one of the recent chapters. Yet I've still heard of some fanfics using the fanon name as real. TA would definitely object here - at least, from now on. But the thing is, that name is already so widespread, and I imagine it's near impossible to stop it anymore.

Thanks for your input. That's pretty much the way that I see it as well.

Originally Posted by arkhangelsk

Entirely agree. The quality of the Fic is not under debate here (and most MGLN Fics I've seen are quite good).

Yep, it's not the quality that we;re talking about, more the consisteny to canon.

I wonder if we can actualy get Daishi here to defend himself in person... since it's really all conjecture on why he's done what he's done.

Originally Posted by USB500

HOLY SHI--

After one full week of no Internet Access, I am finally back to deliver more madness that is humour and parody! Did anyone miss me?

Anyway, remember this?

Spoiler for I present to you...:

BEAUTY AND THE RED-HAIRED BEAST
CHAPTER 01

Author’s note: this stage presentation takes place after all events of StrikerS. The Numbers are currently under tight surveillance by the TSAB.

// previously, Zone Ender Correctional Facility //

“What? No way. It can’t be true.”

“Of course it has to be. Otherwise we wouldn’t have to do this.”

The electric grill door was opened. Escorted by the facility’s security guards, the Lost Property Riot Force 6 was led to the playground where some of the Numbers were seen loitering around without any activity. They were oblivious of their visitors as they lay under the afternoon sky.

“I mean, come on! We were already done with Cinderella, and we were also done with them. Why he asked us to carry out another stage play? Mattaku.”

“Now, now, Hayate-chan. It’s best that we keep our concern to ourselves.”

“I wonder if Lone Wolf ate too much of those Aidilfitri cakes…”

The Aces stopped. One of the security guards asked them to wait and headed to call some of the Numbers. Nanoha, Fate and Hayate were waiting as some of them stood up and approached them, one after another.

“Here they come.”

The Numbers walked toward them. Cinque, Nove, Otto and Wendi. Only four of them.

“Are you sure he asked for just four of them?”

“There can be no mistake.”

The quartet looked up at the women. They turned to Ginga, who in turn smiled. “Well, I believe you’d be willing to give me some hands,” Ginga spoke.

“Oh, no, we don’t really mind,” Wendi said. “Besides, it’s kind of bored when we have nothing to do. Life sucks.”

“What do you need from us, Gin-nee?” Cinque asked.

Ginga chuckled. “You’re going to help me with my stage presentation.”

The quartet blinked. “Stage presentation? What’s that?” Otto asked.

“Didn’t you know?” Wendi replied and pointed skywards. “That day?”

Otto tilted her head. “That day?”

// FLASHBACK GOES HERE //

“Ah-hah!”

People heard idiotically dramatic background music played. They saw dramatic-looking smokes emerging from nowhere, followed by a group of people making dramatic - if not stupid - entrance. While everybody else took cover, and Erio withdrew Strada, Lutecia simply shook her head.

“Oh, please…”

“So what are we going to do?” Quattro asked Uno via intercom, even as the Numbers opened stances of their own.

“Our objective is to retrieve the Relic and avoid contact with TSAB officers,” Uno replied. “Don’t do stupid things and create havoc there, okay?”

Quattro scratched her cheek, laughing like a sissy girl. “Ettou… I don’t think I can tell the rest of the girls, though,” she said. Before Uno could ask what was going on, Tre already shouted a battle cry and pointed to the main hall. “Oh, whatever. Gomen, Uno!”

“TONIGHT, WE PARTY IN HELL!” Tre roared.

“That’s right, fellow readers,” the narrator said. “Today, the Numbers are supposed to retrieve a relic from the bureau’s headquarters but for some arcane reasons Tre, their concurrent leader, decides to have some fun by trashing the party. Has the girls not learned manners?”

// FLASHBACK ENDS HERE //

“And thanks to YOU, we had to detain you for an indefinite amount of time,” Subaru retorted and pointed to Nove’s face. “You ruined everything on that day, party thrasher!”

“I did not!” Nove replied. “Besides, that Imotou really started everything! And she even… she even made kittens rape Tre!”

// ANOTHER FLASHBACK GOES HERE //

“She looks weak,” Tre chided and pounced at Imotou. “Let’s see if she can dodge--” To her surprise, Imotou already dodged the tackle! “Ba-baaka na!”

Imotou giggled. She pointed Raising Heart and Tre and shouted: “SHOOT-O!”

Tre was startled because what came out of the “mobile particle cannon” was not the magenta-coloured beam of death but a hundred of Shamisen! Tre was even horrified when all the cats pinned her down, meowing and purring as they rubbed themselves against her body. “Hanaste! Hanaste!” she moaned in distress and squealed when one of the cats bit her earlobe.

“Poor Tre,” Ten no Koe commented. “Strong as she seemed, she was helpless against the hazardously fluffy horde of meowing fur-balls, and the people were not helping either as they gaped at the good-figured Number in excitement.”

Even Erio blushed in stimulation when one of the Shamisens nuzzled its nose against Tre’s bosom, before Caro furiously and POSSESSIVELY gave him a Stone-Cold Stunner. Lutecia merely knelt next to the knocked-out Erio, staring at his blissful face in affection.

“Go for the neck, Shamisen!” fan boys rooted. Shamisen did, and Tre both giggled in pleasure and yelped in grief. Fan boys roared in approval and got knocked out due to haemorrhage.

“Tre! Hang on! I’ll save you!” Nove jumped at Imotou, intending to attack her from behind but Imotou’s reflex made her aim miss. “Shimatta!” She turned back at the Barrier Jacket-donning girl who already gave her an Egyptian Mau kitten.

“Haii, dozo,” she offered.

“Ka… KAWAII!!!!” Nove gushed and took the innocent kitten, cuddling it comfortably in her arms. “It’s so warm…”

“Nove! You aren’t helping!” Tre shouted and moaned again when a Shamisen licked her lips. “Iyah! Dame!”

“ZOMG! Imotou is HAXX!” the rest of the people shouted. “Who the hell taught her?!”

// ANOTHER FLASHBACK ENDS HERE //

Tre shivered. “Get that cat off me!” she cried out.

As Nove and Subaru started exchanging eye lasers, Cinque approached Ginga and looked up art her. “So, the reason you gather us here is to ask us to take part in this… stage play. Is that correct?”

“Yes, it is,” Ginga answered. “As a matter of fact, we have agreed to choose you as our main star.”

Nove and Subaru stopped arguing. Wendi gasped. The Aces could only laugh. Otto remained clueless. It took them -- ALL OF THEM -- three minutes before one of them broke the silence.

“Oneesama is the heroine?? USO DA!!!” Nove screamed.

“Gin-nee! Cinque is going to be the leading actress?” Subaru exclaimed. “But does he know of this?”

“He?” Cinque asked.

Ginga remained calm as she looked at Erio who had just arrived. “The cast line-up had been pre-arranged, unfortunately. There’s nothing all of us can do about it.”

“You mean… Cinque-nee’s going to…”

“…be paired up…”

Subaru and Nove pointed to Erio’s face. “WITH THIS RED-HAIRED SHORTIE!!!????” they hollered.

Erio blinked. “Is there something on my face?”

“Well, Ginga, we leave them to you,” Nanoha said and headed back to the waiting security guards.

“Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing,” Ginga assured them.

“Good luck, then,” the Aces replied.

Ginga waved to her colleagues and turned back to the Numbers. “So, shall we begin?”

“Excuse me, Gin-nee,” Wendi spoke. “But how does a stage play work? We were never taught of anything like this before.” Otto nodded in agreement with her sister.

Ginga was about to answer when Erio suddenly went Casanova and approached Wendi, red rose mysteriously clamped between his lips. “Just leave this matter to me, Miss Wendi,” he said with a sparkling smile and flying rose petals.

“Err… excuse-”

“You don’t have to say anything, Miss Wendi,” Erio spoke in confidence. “I will teach you everything you need to know about mankind.”

“ROMEO MONDIAL IS MADE OF FAILURE!!!” Subaru and Nove shouted and delivered a double uppercut that sent Erio high into the air. The red-haired boy crashed back into the earth, and was trampled to death by the little sisters. “ROMEO MONDIAL MUST DIE!!!!”

“Subaru, Nove, please calm down!” Ginga pleaded.

“How are we supposed to calm down,” Nove replied and strangled Erio, “when this beast is the hero? I disapprove! I’m supposed to be the main cast instead of him!!”

Cinque blushed. “Nove…”

“Erio bags all the lolis,” Lutecia commented with a Seto San-like facial expression as she suddenly appeared next to Otto. “Erio wants to be the enemy of mankind.”

“Lute-chan, how good to see you here,” Ginga said. “Would you like to help?”

Lutecia nodded. “Sure.”

Erio managed to dislodge Nove’s arm lock, but was kicked by Subaru in the process. He was sent back towards Nove, crashed onto her, and fell onto the ground. Everybody, especially Cinque, gaped in disbelief, because:

One: Nove was on top of Erio in dominative position.
.
Two: Erio was under Nove in submissive position.
.
Three: Erio and Nove were holding hands in suggestive manners.
.
Four: Nove’s face was an inch or so from Erio’s.
.
Five: Nove and Erio were blushing furiously.

“Erio is the worst,” Lutecia jeered. “He drops Cinque-chan and goes after her younger sister instead. Why must he choose one when he can take both?”

“Erio-kun…” Cinque murmured before she mimicked Lutecia’s facial expression. “Sukebe.”

Erio snapped. “It was an accident! It was Subaru-” Subaru was whistling as he pointed at her. “Hey! You made me do this!” He moved, but in the process, his hands accidentally rested upon Nove’s breasts. Aw, yeah, right. Accidental. Go figure.

--“Sonic Move!!”--

With Strada activated, his hands involuntarily kneaded and moulded the young woman’s ripe mounds. Erio was horrified but could not stop his hands from doing THIS and THAT to Nove. “OH SHI-”

“BAAKA HENTAI!!!!!”

Nove sent Erio into the sky with a Naru Punch. “He molested me…” she gasped and started shivering in horror. “He dared molesting me…!” She broke into tears and was wailing bitterly as Ginga gave her a comforting embrace. “I’ve lost my virginity to that red-haired shortie! Now I can’t marry anymore…”

“Hush now,” Ginga whispered and softly rubbed her back. “Oneechan is here for you.”

“Gin-nee…”

Cinque, Otto, Wendi, Subaru and Lutecia gaped at the “sisterly embrace” scene. “Though I don’t like her, I feel kind of sorry for what Erio had done to her,” Subaru said.

“I can’t help but agree with you,” Cinque spoke.

“But this is going to be one exciting activity,” Wendi said. “So let’s give it our best try! Shall we?”

“Ou!” the rest of the girls agreed and threw their fists into the air.

Nove giggled and pressed her head against Ginga’s bosom. “Gin-nee is so soft…” she cackled and rubbed her nose against the secret valley.

“Nove-chan! What are you doing?!” Nove ignored Ginga’s plea and continued nuzzling her breasts, occasionally resting her hand upon it. The purple-haired woman moaned in distress when the Number buried her face deeper into the soft chest cushions. “Nove-chan! Stop it! AH! DAME!!!”

“NOVE-CHAN SAIKKO DESU!!!!” Zone Enders Correctional Facility personnel roared in approval and bled their nose. “BANZAI!! BANZAI!!!!”

Subaru killed Zone Enders Correctional Facility personnel with Double Revolving Knuckles.

“Sometimes, I wonder if Nove has learned to be naughty little sister,” Wendi said and glanced to the equally embarrassed Cinque.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Erio crashed outside the correctional facility. “Ouch. That punch has got to hurt.” He got up., sat down on the grass, and gazed at his palm. “So soft…” he murmured and cackled. “And they fit in my hands, too.”

He suddenly shivered. “What is this killing aura??” He turned around and saw a pink-haired girl holding what looked like an iron mace.

“E-Rio-KUN.”

“Err… yes?”

Caro Lu Rushe smiled. “Prepare to die.”

I win this thread. Where's my duit raya?

WHAT'S THIS!!! A continuation to Cinderella.... BANZAI!!

I slipped it in to the pile you were eating before

[Krinen]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Authors: What's one "flaw" that just nags you in your style of writing? One that you do and then hit backspace to try and keep from doing it.

Even though I'm not really a "Fanfic" writer, as I cannot ever write for other's characters, they always end up OOC at one-point or another.

Anyway, I tend to dote too much on my writing, needing to always have the quality confrimed. This leads me to either write WAY over-descriptively, too much, or not enough.

Originally Posted by Satashi

Readers: What's something that just annoys the hell out of you when reading? Can be anything: Misuse of honorifics, the use of honorifics, typos, badly written sentences, OOC-ness, too much/too little of something, anything at all.

Only a select few things really irk the daylights out of me. One of which being SPELLING. Yes, SPELLING, people.(You know who you are.) NOT.
DIFFICULT.ifyoudoregularspellchecksandhavenonepleasedisregar dthislongmessage*cough*satashi-sama*cough*.
I can, however, tolerate the occasonal typo.
Another thing would be grammar. Quite frankly, at the expence of sounding like a douche, Bad Grammar is an eyesore. Not just to me, either.
yesiamawareIhavenotthebestofgrammar

....
I think I missed something... *Gazes at above text-mass*