Claymore Fanfiction Discussion

[Hari Michiru]

Originally Posted by clarakiss~

you sure are one scary person. forum members will think twice about posting their fanfics, now that you're here. ^^;

Rawr! Fear me!

[shelter]

Originally Posted by Yosei

Happy new year! My gift to animesuki: double the chapters.

Whoa. So much stuff to read. To tell you the truth I can't keep up with your progress, but I'll try to be as straightforward as possible in the reviews.

Spoiler for Review of Chps 31-32:

1. From my knowledge Nu Wa is the goddess of the earth, right? The so-called "goddess mother" of Chinese culture. I already had some idea that you were going to include her in the story. But what I assumed was a a short of trump card role - a cliched, but narratively unambiguous position like the Dragon Emperor in your previous story.

So, Nu Wa is actually Cao Cao's former lover it seems, & because of this implication you make the 2 of them equals. Some aspects of this relationship are quite - unusual. By again suggesting Nu Wa's great power but her choosing not to intervene, she sounds characteristically like a member of the Greek pantheon - colourful character, whimsical & lacking purpose for her intentions. For example, is it too convenient that she must visit at the moment of his emotional weakness. Somehow I felt that perhaps a flashback is would've been more prudent here.

And if Cao Cao is the ambitious man that we would have him believe, he would ditch Galatea for Nu Wa at the slightest instance his Elder Sister would return.


2. Nice work on trying to get some humour going between Cynthia & Zhou Tai, whose relationship is more often than not overly emotional. It seems a bit forced, but the transition from humour into a more regular conversation that outlines their predicament is smooth.

Also the line-up for the Southern Expedition is pretty something: all the Claymores, plus Zhou Tai & Zhao Yun.

AND:

Originally Posted by Hari Michiru

No problem, and I just happen to be a very big grammar nazi, that's all xD.

Finally! Someone to partner me in crafting reviews

Your thorough-ness with written technicalities reminds me of my English teacher

[MisterJB]

I will post this under spoiler tag.

Spoiler for discussion:

Ok, apparently there is something inside the first chapter of my new fic that shows that I’m a “chauvinist pervert who is desperate to get layed”.
Let’s see, first judging by the way this was written (full of errors and abbreviators), I suppose that was sent to me by a 13 year old fangirl who had nothing better to do with her time.
First, if you have any problem with me or the story I’m writing then you should say so in my face because doing it this way just shows that you are a coward. I would have taken you opinion in consideration when writing future chapters.
The second part I’m not even gonna answer because you really don’t know me, do you? And there is no reason to bring my personnel life into this.

Second, your advice was for me to “go to a hooker or a therapist”.
Really?
Ok, I’m a guy who likes to write fanfiction as a hobby and I post it in a site where there are other guys and girls who have the same hobby and we exchange ideas to improve our work.
You are a person who has nothing better to do with her time than to come to the same site and insult us.
So, who has the reason in here?

Here goes my advice for you:
Get a life!
Seriously, get one. You will like to have a life.

Have a nice year.

[shelter]

Originally Posted by MisterJB

well, here it's the first chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it
(I can't believe it I was able to finish before New Year, I had to cut some stuff and leave that in chapter 2)

Probably Hari Michiru has said all that can be possibly be said about your opening chapter. I'll attempt to look analytical by not repeating him/ her

There's quite a lot of information in there, so you did a right move by cutting it at where Helen & Deneve are. There's a bit of a see-saw swing in contrast: the massacre which Vampira & Inez preside over this vivid & visceral, wheras Helen & Deneve use more dialogue than actual description to carry the story forward. Perhaps some emotional tags after the dialogue for Helen & Deneve - and elaboration on Deneve's questioning why Helen feels so ambivalent about returning home can help.

Not that I'm advocating it, but it would be interesting to see how Helen & her mother's reunion would proceed through Deneve's eyes/ filter.

Helen's mother? I was expecting something revealing at the end of the chapter, since you have a tradition of ending your chapters with cliffhangers. It doesn't feel like a surprise - although I wonder how did she survive all these years, considering Helen is ageless.

The challenge now is trying to make Helen's mother relevant to your entire story.

And if it helps: no, I didn't read any chauvinist perversion in it. It's just another story, written your style

We're getting flamers? Maybe it's because our stories are popular?

[Hari Michiru]

Originally Posted by shelter

Finally! Someone to partner me in crafting reviews

Your thorough-ness with written technicalities reminds me of my English teacher

Together we shall scare everyone from writing fanfiction!

Originally Posted by MisterJB

I will post this under spoiler tag.

Spoiler for discussion:

Ok, apparently there is something inside the first chapter of my new fic that shows that I’m a “chauvinist pervert who is desperate to get layed”.
Let’s see, first judging by the way this was written (full of errors and abbreviators), I suppose that was sent to me by a 13 year old fangirl who had nothing better to do with her time.
First, if you have any problem with me or the story I’m writing then you should say so in my face because doing it this way just shows that you are a coward. I would have taken you opinion in consideration when writing future chapters.
The second part I’m not even gonna answer because you really don’t know me, do you? And there is no reason to bring my personnel life into this.

Second, your advice was for me to “go to a hooker or a therapist”.
Really?
Ok, I’m a guy who likes to write fanfiction as a hobby and I post it in a site where there are other guys and girls who have the same hobby and we exchange ideas to improve our work.
You are a person who has nothing better to do with her time than to come to the same site and insult us.
So, who has the reason in here?

Here goes my advice for you:
Get a life!
Seriously, get one. You will like to have a life.

Have a nice year.

Don't feed the trolls, JB. They're just hungover from the New Year's Eve party they had with their kind.

[MisterJB]

shelter: thank you for the review. I was already planning to try to do a description trough Deneve's eyes next chapter.

Hari Michiru: Thanks but actually, I got that bad rep on 30 of December but I only saw it today early and I was the one having the worst hagover of my life so I guess that contributed to my anger. Oh well, there was no need for insults I guess.

And it's great to have you and shelter around to give great reviews.

[Patcoola]

if a claymore can morph their bodies to look ugly or beautiful, can a claymore make there breast bigger?

[hell88]

Originally Posted by Patcoola

if a claymore can morph their bodies to look ugly or beautiful, can a claymore make there breast bigger?

Wait what does that have to do with this thread?

Anyway I'm going to answer with yes they probably can.

[Patcoola]

Originally Posted by hell88

Wait what does that have to do with this thread?

the thread is fan fiction

it can be anything that is fan fantasy

[hell88]

Originally Posted by Patcoola

the thread is fan fiction

it can be anything that is fan fantasy

I never thought about it like that before. Mabye you should have asked that question in the Q&A thread, but yeah fantasy is fanfiction to.

[MisterJB]

Originally Posted by Patcoola

if a claymore can morph their bodies to look ugly or beautiful, can a claymore make there breast bigger?

I think you should ask this in Claymore Q&A but...
Claymores can't morph their bodies to look ugly or beautiful. They can regenerate and create muscles

Altough that would explain why Renne's boobs are so big...

[Patcoola]

Originally Posted by MisterJB

Altough that would explain why Renne's boobs are so big...

what are you talking about, remember the scene where Teresa shows her body to the bandits and some of them throw up, but in later scenes her body is normal.

[hell88]

Originally Posted by Patcoola

what are you talking about, remember the scene where Teresa shows her body to the bandits and some of them throw up, but in later scenes her body is normal.

You haven't read the manga so you don't know who Renne is.

[MisterJB]

Originally Posted by Patcoola

what are you talking about, remember the scene where Teresa shows her body to the bandits and some of them throw up, but in later scenes her body is normal.

ok... you are young to the series aren't you?

ok, renne only appears in the manga and she has big boobs.

All claymores gain a scar when they are turned into half-yoma, Teresa is no exception and thats why the bandits threw up but they can't remove it. They have that scar until they Awaken altough we can suposse that half-Awakening removes it

[Patcoola]

Originally Posted by hell88

You haven't read the manga so you don't know who Renne is.

what they left out the fan service character.

oh *cry*
but maybe it was for the better.

[hell88]

Originally Posted by Patcoola

what they left out the fan service character.

oh *cry*
but maybe it was for the better.

You need to read the manga its way better than the anime, and the war in the north is completly different.

[Patcoola]

Originally Posted by hell88

You need to read the manga its way better than the anime, and the war in the north is completly different.

believe it or not the manga is out of my reach, and downloading is out of the question.

a limitation of where i live.

[Yosei]

@ shelter: you probably already know this, but there's no obligation to keep up with my online presence every two days - I just update IF consistently in opposition to fanfics that don't get updated often. You could take a longer break from my writing and then go on an Imperial Fire marathon later.

Do take your time, as much as I love your reviews I'd hate to give the impression I expect any just because I post up a new link here or a new chapter at FF.net.


Edit: Cao Cao and Nu Wa are not ex-lovers. They do exchange teasing banter and share chaste physical contact. She was, however, his childhood friend. His only friend, at that, one that he always tried to impress. I don't intend for her to "save" the world in any way, as she herself pointed out, she is weary of spending time with most mortals and would prefer Cao Cao do all the work for her in uniting the world. In this sense, he already *has* the Mandate of Heaven, since she is Heaven. While she will help the protagonists, she won't interfere directly.

[ghazghkull]

Originally Posted by Patcoola

believe it or not the manga is out of my reach, and downloading is out of the question.

a limitation of where i live.

Then may I direct you to the Claymore Manga in this here link. If you can't download, read it online then my good sir :3

Unless this too is out of your reach...

[lost_soul]

Originally Posted by MisterJB

I will post this under spoiler tag.

Spoiler for discussion:

Ok, apparently there is something inside the first chapter of my new fic that shows that I’m a “chauvinist pervert who is desperate to get layed”.
Let’s see, first judging by the way this was written (full of errors and abbreviators), I suppose that was sent to me by a 13 year old fangirl who had nothing better to do with her time.
First, if you have any problem with me or the story I’m writing then you should say so in my face because doing it this way just shows that you are a coward. I would have taken you opinion in consideration when writing future chapters.
The second part I’m not even gonna answer because you really don’t know me, do you? And there is no reason to bring my personnel life into this.

Second, your advice was for me to “go to a hooker or a therapist”.
Really?
Ok, I’m a guy who likes to write fanfiction as a hobby and I post it in a site where there are other guys and girls who have the same hobby and we exchange ideas to improve our work.
You are a person who has nothing better to do with her time than to come to the same site and insult us.
So, who has the reason in here?

Here goes my advice for you:
Get a life!
Seriously, get one. You will like to have a life.

Have a nice year.

You asked to make it an open question, so here it goes:

Spoiler for to answer your questions and state my reasons again:

when I see your discussion, I wonder how stupid can you get!!? Guess because of the mentioned before reasons, you are unable to see what is so wrong with your fiction. To put it in simple words that even you might understand (hopefully) you made Helen look like a whore; you do that with all the claymores; I've read some of you other fics too, what disgusts me is that they're all full of rape, humiliation and vulgarisms; you make the claymores have emotionless sex everywhere and anywhere like dogs; or get brutaly violated; in one of your chapters it sounds as if galatea says it's ok to get raped to Cynthia. Are you mental!? I couldn't bare to read the rest of your fics; but from what I saw you story telling is poor too, and btw I was just too angry when I saw what you made Helen look like, so I was typing fast, I don't think that writing "srong" instead of "wrong" is a fatal mistake and makes my statement full of errors, you should look into your own writing to fix up some of your mistakes; the guys like shelter and yosei are probably too polite to tell it straight to you; you constanly use "fuck","ass","butt","breasts"; is your dictionary so poor? Or you just like to make the act and everything about it as vulgar as possible? If this isn't clear enough to you, then you are an idiot, or just a perv if this is already clear to you and you still continue doing it, either way this is the last time I waste my time trying to bring sense to someone like you. Btw I didn't want to post this in the FFthread simply because it doesn't belong there, and it would be no good as it's a lot better to rep you about it; I chose to stay anonymouse because that way I can avoid talking to someone like you, just the thought of that is revolting, but even so I'm doing it, probably for the last time; as I said above, either way you turn out to be, and idiot or a perv, your not worth talking to.