To Aru ... Fanfiction Discussion Thread

[WiliamZ0]

Originally Posted by Chaos2Frozen

IMO, it's good to separate the two worlds, magic and science from each other, to allow people to make distinctions between them. This would also means separating the two heroines... At least, initially.

vol 1 - Index - Magic
vol 2 - Mikoto - Science
vol 3 - Kaori - Magic
vol 4 - Mikoto/Last Order - Science
vol 5 - Index/Hyouka/Mikoto - Mix

That's how I would do it.

Hmm I see, since my mikoto know magic (I mean magic side), she sometimes help magic side even though she is part of science side. Again, she also will have her own important rule , just like the other characters (including OC)

[Tsukino Kage Spectre]

You seem to have trouble knowing when to use the s or 's at the end of a word, mostly. Sometimes you use the incorrect verb tense as well.

Grammar was never my strongest subject in school, so I can understand the difficulty.

[MrTerrorist]

Originally Posted by WiliamZ0

I just released my fanfic hope you guys can enjoy it

To Aru Majutsu no Index : Alternative Testament

After taking 3 hours reading this (Seriously, this fic is damm long for a fanfic) here's my review of your AU Toaru fanfic.

Spoiler for review:

First the good:
*I'm very impress that you were able to make this one chapter very long.
*Characterization of the casts was very good.
*You took my advice about Academy City and the Railgun thing. Very good.

And now the bad:
*Grammar. Oh God the grammar. Reading this fic with such bad grammar made me confuse on what was actually going on. However i willing to forgive you since english is not your first language and your still learning.
*Original character. Your sudden introducion with your new original character felt out of place in the story since Mikoto could have played in that role when she was heping Touma about Index's condition. Another thing that i have a problem with this OC is his power. Most of us have mention we dislike original characters who are very Marty Sue/Mary Sue (characters who are more cooler and overpowered than the original cast) and the fact your OC is rich, has a sports car and has a power call "Reality Breaker" just screams "Marty Sue". I hope you can explain what this OC power is cause if it's similar just like Touma's, otherwise change his power and name. Also Touma's power are neither esper powers or magical powers just so you know.
*Mikoto. I have a problem that Mikoto was very passive in her role in this fanfic. It's not like her to just do nothing about it as she is a very hotheaded person. Like for example during the fight between Touma and Kaori, Mikoto could have help fight Kaori by blasting her wires or something. Here's some example from the Toaru psp game that might help figure out how these two fight.

Spoiler for size:

All and all, the fanfic is good. It just needs a revision like correcting the grammar and redo some plot points in this fic that i mention above.

PS:You can skip writing about Deep Blood arc since Mikoto was involved with the Sisters during that time.

[kaizerknight01]

Originally Posted by WiliamZ0

Hmm I see, since my mikoto know magic (I mean magic side), she sometimes help magic side even though she is part of science side. Again, she also will have her own important rule , just like the other characters (including OC)

Your idea for your fan fic great, as others suggest, try to find a beta reader or keep on reading English newspapers and listen learning channels like discovery , national geographic, history channel ( well that how i broaden my English vocabulary english is also a 2nd language to me ) I wish you well on your fan fiction

[WiliamZ0]

Originally Posted by MrTerrorist

After taking 3 hours reading this (Seriously, this fic is damm long for a fanfic) here's my review of your AU Toaru fanfic.

Spoiler for review:

First the good:
*I'm very impress that you were able to make this one chapter very long.
*Characterization of the casts was very good.
*You took my advice about Academy City and the Railgun thing. Very good.

And now the bad:
*Grammar. Oh God the grammar. Reading this fic with such bad grammar made me confuse on what was actually going on. However i willing to forgive you since english is not your first language and your still learning.
*Original character. Your sudden introducion with your new original character felt out of place in the story since Mikoto could have played in that role when she was heping Touma about Index's condition. Another thing that i have a problem with this OC is his power. Most of us have mention we dislike original characters who are very Marty Sue/Mary Sue (characters who are more cooler and overpowered than the original cast) and the fact your OC is rich, has a sports car and has a power call "Reality Breaker" just screams "Marty Sue". I hope you can explain what this OC power is cause if it's similar just like Touma's, otherwise change his power and name. Also Touma's power are neither esper powers or magical powers just so you know.
*Mikoto. I have a problem that Mikoto was very passive in her role in this fanfic. It's not like her to just do nothing about it as she is a very hotheaded person. Like for example during the fight between Touma and Kaori, Mikoto could have help fight Kaori by blasting her wires or something. Here's some example from the Toaru psp game that might help figure out how these two fight.

Spoiler for size:

All and all, the fanfic is good. It just needs a revision like correcting the grammar and redo some plot points in this fic that i mention above.

PS:You can skip writing about Deep Blood arc since Mikoto was involved with the Sisters during that time.

A Redo huh~ Sure ... I actually working on it after see several review comment

Again 2 of my OCs will be part of main characters in my fanfic like the other and about his power (the boy one only)

Spoiler:

He actually have 2 (and he actually Academy City's official Dual-Skill User), he even beat a saint before he come back (again his left hand that actually help him during the fight)
Of course, he actually same like Touma, but his tactic is totally at different level (the reason why he able to beat the saint, actually his luck just side him that time)

About the other still not introduced yet

Actually the reason why I put the Oc earlier to introduce to other about the OC, again I can see it very bad idea (I will repair this mistake)

About Mikoto , yeah! Time to redo it

Originally Posted by kaizerknight01

Your idea for your fan fic great, as others suggest, try to find a beta reader or keep on reading English newspapers and listen learning channels like discovery , national geographic, history channel ( well that how i broaden my English vocabulary english is also a 2nd language to me ) I wish you well on your fan fiction

I see Anyway, could you refer me to one of beta reader, or how I contact them ?

[Marcus H.]

Not here to burst your bubble, but how did the Dual-Skill acquire its two powers?
In canon, there is no such thing as a Dual-Skill, and the only instance of Dual-Skill (and Multi-Skill) - Teacher Harumi Kiyama - becomes one because of the 10000 brains connected using the Level Upper Network.

[Chaos2Frozen]

Originally Posted by Marcus H.

Not here to burst your bubble, but how did the Dual-Skill acquire its two powers?
In canon, there is no such thing as a Dual-Skill, and the only instance of Dual-Skill (and Multi-Skill) - Teacher Harumi Kiyama - becomes one because of the 10000 brains connected using the Level Upper Network.

Which in essence is also not a dual skill since she's not using a own brain.

Logically, the only way you're gonna get dual skill is if your character has two brains, and I don't mean the one below.

[WiliamZ0]

Originally Posted by Marcus H.

Not here to burst your bubble, but how did the Dual-Skill acquire its two powers?
In canon, there is no such thing as a Dual-Skill, and the only instance of Dual-Skill (and Multi-Skill) - Teacher Harumi Kiyama - becomes one because of the 10000 brains connected using the Level Upper Network.

Let me explain to you ...
Dual Skill mean an ESPer that able to use more than one ability
as the only true exist dual-skill is Tsuchimikado Motoharu (who actually magician-Esper hybrid (again he actually can't be said as truly Dual-Skill (if I put the actual concept of real Dual-Skill), which also the same case with My OC))

My OC is like Touma, someone who already have his own unique ability

Spoiler for his power called:

Reality Breaker, power to destroy anything in single touch (even though it said 'destroy anything' in reality, there are many things that can't be destroy by this ability (ex: Curse)) There even a limit in his ability

Back again , my OC having his own ability + ESPer ability (again, my OC seems powerful, but his ability actually have much ... in fact too much limitations)

Touma in fact can be dual-skill (if not because his Imagine Breaker blocking his power and label he as Level 0)

[Chaos2Frozen]

Erm so in other words, it's not really a dual-skill since the second ability is not an esper power?

[WiliamZ0]

That's correct ... again ... because of no one know that his second ability is not an esper power, people think he as a Dual-Skill

[Chaos2Frozen]

Originally Posted by WiliamZ0

That's correct ... again ... because of no one know that his second ability is not an esper power, people think he as a Dual-Skill

Actually the first impression most people would get is that he has one power that lets him do all that. Even the 7th Level 5, who display a wide range of capabilities, people still believe it's just one power that does all that.

[WiliamZ0]

Hmm I see~

My OC esper ability is controlling gravity

Is it also consider as or not as dual skill?

[Marcus H.]

Just make it one ability.
My suggestion: Atomizer (分子解体) [Molecular Disassembly].

My OC esper ability is controlling gravity

Is it also consider as or not as dual skill?

As long as it does not have another ability, it's counted as a single esper ability.
In fact, in one of my fanfiction projects, I have a character with the ability to control gravity, but the ability is fully active only for 1 second at a time because he's just a Level 3 (no passive AIM as well).

[Chaos2Frozen]

Originally Posted by Marcus H.

Just make it one ability. My suggestion: Atomizer (分子解体) [Molecular Disassembly].

Isn't that the same as Meltdowner?

[Marcus H.]

Isn't that the same as Meltdowner?

I dunno how Mugino's beams work, but I guess she only uses her power to rip apart atomic particles to create energy. My idea for Atomizer is different; let's say it's literally breaking apart the molecules of an object. However, since the term is very fresh from my mind, the exact mechanics might have things that I have overlooked.

EDIT: Since the fanfiction group is inactive, I might as well dump my esper ability ideas here as well.

> Perfect Slick (抵抗急減) [Sudden Friction Reduction] - Creates an area around the esper where friction is drastically reduced (to the natural friction of ice). Level 2.
> Metal Flame (発火榴弾) [Explosive Projectile] - A variation of esper ability which controls the element calcium. It replicates the conditions of the creation of Greek fire. Level 3.
> Gravity Point (重心顕現) [Manifestation of Gravity] - Allows an esper to create a small spherical area where gravity attracts nearby objects towards that small area. The effect lasts for 1 second. Level 3 or 4.

[Chaos2Frozen]

Originally Posted by Marcus H.

I dunno how Mugino's beams work, but I guess she only uses her power to rip apart atomic particles to create energy. My idea for Atomizer is different; let's say it's literally breaking apart the molecules of an object. However, since the term is very fresh from my mind, the exact mechanics might have things that I have overlooked.

So... How is it different again ?

Originally Posted by Marcus H.

EDIT: Since the fanfiction group is inactive, I might as well dump my esper ability ideas here as well.

Bah, anybody can come up with an coherent Esper ability, the real test of skill is coming up with a magic spell that fits within the canon of the story

Originally Posted by Marcus H.

> Perfect Slick (抵抗急減) [Sudden Friction Reduction] - Creates an area around the esper where friction is drastically reduced (to the natural friction of ice). Level 2.

At level 2, it probably won't be any bigger than what she can touch.

Originally Posted by Marcus H.

> Gravity Point (重心顕現) [Manifestation of Gravity] - Allows an esper to create a small spherical area where gravity attracts nearby objects towards that small area. The effect lasts for 1 second. Level 3 or 4.

Tiny nitpick, you'll have less problem if you don't call this 'gravity'.

Then again, [Dark Matter] isn't really dark matter...

[Miraluka]

Originally Posted by Marcus H.

> Perfect Slick (抵抗急減) [Sudden Friction Reduction] - Creates an area around the esper where friction is drastically reduced (to the natural friction of ice). Level 2.

This one can be used at least to move like Acqua does.

@Chaos2Frozen: A magic spell, uh?

[Marcus H.]

I was thinking of a girl who likes to make pranks on other girls whom she did not like by letting them slip. Although moving like a skater on ice ain't so shabby as well.

Also, I agree on the challenge of making spells using the canon of Index. I have to research on Philippine folklore just to create abilities for two of my OC's! D:

[Miraluka]

There are a lot of ideas if we try religions like the ones from Islam/muslims or the Hinduism.

[WiliamZ0]

Originally Posted by Wilfriback

There are a lot of ideas if we try religions like the ones from Islam/muslims or the Hinduism.

Actually I working on it for my newest fanfic and my other fanfic

I even have one of the line

Spoiler for this is only a line of my another fanfic not newest one:

Prince Mohammad Bin Abdulaziz International Airport, Medina,

Mohammed Reza arrived at the airport that day after performing his prayers and scheduled to take a flight to Academy City that time.
"Well, this is it huh? Academy City." He said before one of his colleagues, Razak Azim come to him with an urgent message.
"Azim? What happened?" He asks his friend who's actually ran towards him before, shouting his name.
"Reza, we have a very serious problem." he said and then he gives him and envelope.
Reza takes the envelope and read the content:
Mohammed Reza, as you are leaving for Academy City, we have encountered a big problem. President Mahmoud Khorasani's government in Iran has been toppled by the Shiite Radicals and worst of all; this has been planned by the Roman Catholic Church. Now the two are going to have a sign to create an alliance that will threaten our position in the Middle-East. I maybe fear that the Kamijou-Faction will now have a new enemy. Your new orders are to directly involved with the Kamijou-faction and help them. You also must make contact with your guardian, Ahmed Abdullah from the Muslim Council of Mages; he will take care of your needs while in Academy City and tell him to inform the Academy City General Superintendent about this threat. This is my Executive Order.

Caliph Mustafa

"I get it, tell the Caliph that I will do it." He said while giving back the letter to his friend and just about time the Boarding Call for the flight to Academy City is announced.
"There's my call, see you again Azim." He said while bringing his luggage to board the plane.

About the newest one, I probably will add Islam while looking at good place to put them

I have someone that skilled in this part (I mean someone skilled in Islam)