Dating

[LMF]

Love.... is just mere luck....

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by LMF

Love.... is just mere luck....

Care to expand on that concept?

[GN0010 Nosferatu]

Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy

Care to expand on that concept?

I can somewhat see how he thinks that.

If you look at it from a far off view, it kinda does seem like luck. Two people get together, and have a swell time for however long they are with each other. Then, when or if something bad happens they split, and it's all undone.

It's kinda like gambling, yeah you can score big time, but not all the time. Which is a perfect mimic on how some relationships are better than others. You can't be drop dead in love all the time. Just like you can't win the mega millionaire scratch contest from Circle K.

That's must my interpretation anyway.

[zebra]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Joking aside, I guess this is the kind of thing that takes time to resolve. I mean, being in a relationship is about learning more about, and subsequently adapting to each other after all. Maybe it'll become less of an issue as time goes by, or perhaps it becomes even more of a sticking point, by which time you probably have an idea where the relationship is going....who knows?

My point exactly, really. I'll just look how it goes, and currently it's awesome, so I'll have to decline any picking up offers
It's just weird ... to see others who wish exactly what I have - all the affection and attention - and me feeling to recieve too much.

I'd never say no to a free drink, though. Specially when it's from a friend

I somehow think that going out with Beamers would be quite fun, but that has nothing to do with dating XD (Really Ricky ;D)

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by GN0010 Nosferatu

I can somewhat see how he thinks that.

If you look at it from a far off view, it kinda does seem like luck. Two people get together, and have a swell time for however long they are with eachother. Then, when or if something bad happens they split, and it's all undone.

It's kinda like gambling, yeah you can score big time, but not all the time.

That's must my interpretation anyway.

Hmmm, I'd say I see it more as it's lucky depending on how compatible you are with a person in terms of personality; you give it time to develop and see what comes from it, and in the long run you either have a relationship that works well for both of you or a relationship that doesn't work well for either of you and things end.

....

Which is really pretty much the same as what you said.

[Ricky Controversy]

I see it as part luck, part effort. Sure, finding someone you are capable of loving and who is capable of loving you back is a matter of fortune, but for the seed of attraction to become actual love requires that both parties be open to it and take the steps to cultivate it. What those steps are varies from situation to situation, sure. But love doesn't happen without complicity.

[LMF]

Nosferatu hits the spot.

[Kaijo]

It's partially luck, if you go into it thinking it's luck. That two people can manage to find each other, having exactly those qualities that each wants in the other, and both being available and in an appropriate age range, etc.

It's also emotional button pushing. Picking someone up is an art form that can be mastered. And as long as you keep up the act, you can keep them interested. Let it go long enough, and they'll stay hooked.

But that's only if you want to play the game. Some people do it naturally, and thus have no need to change. Others play the game just to attract, and after they've got what they want, they stop playing. Still others will play it long enough to get the person they are after, and hope the person stays with them when they revert to the person they really are.

So, luck and/or skill. Pick your poison. =)

[Last Sinner]

Well, I've got a few things that will hinder my chances.

1. I don't want kids. At all. I don't want to be a father and it will be a very long time before I could afford to financially anyway. Plus I don't have the time. I barely have enough time for myself and next to none to go out.

2. I'm not the type that can just lust after someone then let it become affection. I'd have to know the woman, become her friend, know I can trust her, know I can handle her habits/hobbies/vices, know I'd want to hear her voice in the morning, evening and day, that I'd want to make her happy. May sound ridiculous, but I've experienced too many things in life to be simple or easily trusting.

3. And that simple thing leads to the way I think about things being more rational/calculated. Trust is something I value a lot as well as a decision being one that has basis for going forward. A woman who could tolerate my flaws and cynicism and give me hope that more good days than bad will come.

4. Intimacy. I'm not the type who could just go for a one minute session then go do something else without a thought. I'd like it to mean something and to please both parties involved. Nearly any female around my age that I know isn't looking for anything deep or they're into the opposite type of guy.

5. Self. I ain't taking the risk of being with someone until I'm certain I can be stable support, financially and emotionally. Involving someone else when you're not capable of treating them properly is criminal in my book.


I have no problem waiting. I don't feel lonely when I'm alone. My reasoning above may be weird to you, but that's who I am.

[synaesthetic]

I am a "girls-with-issues" magnet.

Sigh.

[Last Sinner]

As in attraction or repulsion? I was assuming the former.

[synaesthetic]

Attraction. Pretty much every girlfriend I've ever had in my entire life has had some sort of mental illness or another. Some minor (such as a girl I dated with mild OCD and body dysmorphic disorder) while others are more uh... yeeeeeah.

I don't know why I bother anymore.

[Last Sinner]

Could be where you met/were looking for them. Could be bad luck.

Just continue to try and make your life better overall. Once your financial prospects are up, other things should be better too. From what I've seen you've got the desire to do that. It may take a few grinding/lonely years to do so, but it'll be better for you in the long run.

[Kaijo]

Everyone has issues. The process of dating is hiding your issues, and only presenting your very best side, until the person has fallen for you enough. And with luck, you can keep most of your bad stuff hidden. It's sorta like a resume for a job, where you make yourself look really good. And pray that they don't find what you said on facebook, or some other bad aspect of you, until after you have the job.

To ignore the bad side everyone has, is certainly one way to live.

But I prefer acknowledging that everyone has issues, and if I want someone to accept mine, I have to be willing to accept everyone else's. Thus, I do. If they still don't want to accept mine, then that's fine. I don't expect them to. But it's the main reason why I no longer have much of an interest in finding someone, because pretty much all the women I know, are incapable of accepting the real truth of anyone.

Well, I do know a couple that are, but they're taken, heh.

Unconditional love is a beautiful thing. But it's the "unconditional" part that really trips people up.

[synaesthetic]

It's kind of hard to continue a relationship with someone who can only function when hopped up on so many drugs they're barely human anymore, or the person's committed to a mental hospital.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Attraction. Pretty much every girlfriend I've ever had in my entire life has had some sort of mental illness or another. Some minor (such as a girl I dated with mild OCD and body dysmorphic disorder) while others are more uh... yeeeeeah.

I don't know why I bother anymore.

I remember discussing this with you on AIM awhile back, and it's probably something you've been told before anyway, but I'll say it again: I think the real problem is that your personality is very "protector"-esque. That is, you're very confident and sure of yourself, you don't take crap from others when you don't see a reason to, and you genuinely care for your partner during the time you're with her. People with... how do I word this, um, mental problems (is that right?) or issues tend to be attracted to that kind of person because they feel safe and protected.

At least, that's my thought. I don't know how helpful it'll be for you, since if it comes back to your personality, there isn't much you can really change.

[GN0010 Nosferatu]

Originally Posted by LMF

Nosferatu hits the spot.

That's what she said!

[ttdestroy]

You can never really find the perfect woman, just someone who has personality flaws with which you can put up with.

For instance, I was interested in a girl a couple years ago......until I found out about the tattoos covering a large portion of her body but they were in spots you could never see. I could never date her, I just couldn't deal with it, just a huge turnoff. Last year though she got married to a nice guy, who didn't particularly like them but could tolerate it.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

It's kind of hard to continue a relationship with someone who can only function when hopped up on so many drugs they're barely human anymore, or the person's committed to a mental hospital.

Yeah, part of it is deciding whether you want to deal with the issues, and mold them into a partner. If you've got someone devoted, can you change their personality or habits? Can you make an ugly woman look more beautiful? Can you get a partner off drugs? Can you educate a stupid person and make them smarter?

Not easy, of course, and it's purely a personal decision as to how much work you want to put in.

======

But now, for something completely different... Ever lovable Japan brings us the next level in dating!

Resort Attracts Men with Virtual Girlfriends

[ChainLegacy]

Escapism at its finest... What I don't understand about these type of people is if they care about having a relationship so much to the point that they want a virtual girlfriend, why don't they instead focus their efforts on socializing with women?