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Old 2010-07-27, 13:16   Link #321
Shiranui
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lio View Post
Wrote this on a cell phone during a boring lecture:

Nothingness, stillness, the void...
The world is but an illusion in the mind of a dreamer.
Let the songs of joy become the dance of your heart,
Let the angelic frangrance of existence become your enchantress,
So that this fleeting dream can be filled with fantasy and magic.
That statement is 100% true.
Awesome job on the entire poem, though.

---
I just.. I kind of jsut want an opinion before I start writing this story at all...
Now I am no professional, at all and I admit I suck at writing but this has to be the best idea I could ever come up with so I want an opinion.

If I were to write a story about...
An rich, young, woman (maybe 19 to 20 years?) who was born with the unforunate disease of schizophrenia during the year [still doing my research]. Because of this, people are long ways from a strong medicine for this so her hallucinations cannot be put to a hault.
this really wasn't much of a problem until she began to hallucinate about 3 brothers and falls in love with the youngest.

Do you think it'd be worht developing this idea? I've never really written a romantic tragedy either... so tips on that would be nice.
NOTE: I left out a ton of detai. The hosue across from mine was just on fire and my heart's still racing. I am not gonna be able to just sit here and write after that!
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Old 2010-07-27, 14:12   Link #322
TinyRedLeaf
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lio View Post
Nothingness, stillness, the void...
The world is but an illusion in the mind of a dreamer.
Let the songs of joy become the dance of your heart,
Let the angelic frangrance of existence become your enchantress,
So that this fleeting dream can be filled with fantasy and magic.
The concept is there, but the rhythm is not. Read it out aloud and you'll "hear" what I mean.

Try this:

Nothing, stillness, void —
the world, a phantom,
that haunts
this restless mind;

Let songs of joy become
the dance of beating hearts;
Let scent of angels fill
this weary, fading mind,
I fly — on wings of shining gossamer.


A spirit, she calls;
What magic she weaves?
This dreaming, she casts;
A story, she forms.

Wordless, she leaves;
Fleeting, she's gone.
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Old 2010-07-28, 18:57   Link #323
Lio
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That kind of rhythm could work for a standard poem.

When I wrote it, it was meant to be a piece that can express the inexpressible, to convey in words what words can only point to. That's why I chose to use words that were both expressive, yet lacked a sense of concreteness, so that the content of the piece could more easily bypass the mind and communicate straight to the reader's heart.

I used "the void" instead of "void" since the words before it were both multisyllabic, rather than following the general rule in English to follow a grammatically consistent pattern. I felt that this would help to break the rigidity that a regular poem would have. And I tried to keep the other lines roughly the same length to make it more difficult for the mind to make any kind of distinction or analysis. It's all done to allow the reader "read" with the heart instead of with the mind, to take in the content without any thought.

If it was meant to be more visual or more visceral, then yeah I agree, a more punctuated rhythm would help to accentuate it. Anyow, I appreciate the feedback.
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Old 2010-07-31, 15:04   Link #324
WordShaker
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Well, I guess I'll try something. I've written a few things before, but nothing substantial. This is probably my first venture into trying to write something bigger than a few thousand words. Hopefully, it's worth something.

Staying
Spoiler for Part 1, a working title that is being worked on:
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Old 2010-08-01, 10:23   Link #325
TinyRedLeaf
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^ It could use a little bit of editing, but it looks very promising all the same. Reminds me very much of Planetes, so it can't be all that bad.
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Old 2010-08-01, 14:18   Link #326
WordShaker
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Ah, thanks. I came across Planetes while I was thinking of the idea. The idea of it probably colored my writing, but I don't want to read it just yet, just because I think I'd steal it away inside my head.

Any errors in particular I should be looking out for?
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Old 2010-08-01, 17:55   Link #327
Mr. Wang
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Here, I've been writing for a while, and I think that some people might like this story I wrote a long time ago, nearing the end of last year.

I trust that some of you read fanfiction of course, right? Well this particular piece is... well, a Mario story, I'll admit. It's just a feel-good short story that I feel like sharing with everyone. It stars Luigi and Daisy Please note that this is a slight romance, and knowledge of the Mario-verse would be very helpful. This story in particular is kinda a special favorite of mine, so I want to see what you guys think of it. Feel free to leave constructive criticism.

Please note that the story take place around Christmas time (I published this on Fanfiction.net around two days before Christmas). How ironic that I post this on this thread in August.

Spoiler for Snowflakes:


Some mistakes and typos are abound. Feel free to leave constructive criticism. If you have an account at Fanfiction.net and want to leave a signed review, feel free to go to this link.
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Old 2010-09-04, 07:03   Link #328
SaintessHeart
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I need to vent. The stuff I am studying in a business school is boring me out of my skull.

So I thought I'd write a philosophical essay to clear up the idea of discretion and continuity in statistical judgement and provenance, fuck why am I writing in political correctness, screw business communications how all thoughts and philosophies cannot be entirely black, white or gray, but rather is always a mixture of all.

I have divided it into 6 parts so as to buy me time for writing, and you readers not having to look through a wall of text at one time. I'll complete this by tonight (GMT +8) or tomorrow morning.

Heck I just feel like writing an essay. It's not like I wanted to put forward my ideas or something! [/tsundere]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PART I : The Idea Of A Belief System - Flaming Passion Because I Choose To!

The philosphy of the world has always been presented as straightforward in the history of man and the morals of myths and legends - there is always the distinctive good, bad and ugly. However, the world as we know it is nothing of that sort, there are people who claim to do do small evils for the greater good, and some which attempt small good which blossom into a great evil.

There are many examples of small evils which are supposedly done for the greater good, for example, the nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in mid-1945 which culminated in the deaths of 420,000, which could have been a few million in both civilians and soldiers should Japan be invaded. In retrospect, the small good that blossomed into a great evil of Hitler massacring millions of Jews started out as an attempt to rebuild the country after World War I via nationalist and racial sentiments.

Moral relativity has been frequently blamed for the judging of rights and wrongs in scenarios as mentioned above, which is actually not the root of the problem. It is a human decision to see from a perception, namely a choice, so the actual cause of the perception and actions undertaken is first and foremost, doubt. Meaning which choice and doubt are both causes and effects of their own.

As it is known that cause and effect is a cycle, so both of them can be said to be the same thing in the big picture, but entirely different in the smaller portions. So what exactly pushes or causes doubt? Is it just a conflict of teachings, or more to it? Can doubt be eliminated by simply having set choices? Are all the choices given in the equation truly absolute?
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When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
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Old 2010-09-04, 07:12   Link #329
roriconfan
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Exclamation

Chapters 1-3 of a philosophical / comedic story I wrote some years back. I will post more only if I get responces via messages.

Spoiler for long:
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Old 2010-09-04, 07:50   Link #330
SaintessHeart
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
PART I : The Idea Of A Belief System - Flaming Passion Because I Choose To!
PART II : Schroedinger's Catgirl And The Heisenberg Tsundere Principle

Erwin Schroedinger, a famous physicist, once thought of an experiment in which a catgirl is locked in a room with a closet lesbian. Depending on whether the lesbian is able to control her pent-up desires in private, the catgirl gets violated or not.

So how can the catgirl be both violated and unviolated at the same time? The usage of objective collapse theory indirectly breaks the supposedly unbiased nature of decision making - correalation does not imply causation. Often did many make decisions based on two or a few extreme simple and absolute scenarios that end up giving themselves "this-or-else" decisions, jeopardising any further depth the investigation goes and cutting off all other probabilities.

This is enforced by the Heisenberg Tsundere Principle, in actuality, it is impossible to determine to an absolute degree of what a tsundere actually meant in his/her speech or actions, and taking it for granted can ruin all parties involved.

So as to quote Bell's Theorem,

Quote:
No physical theory of local hidden variables can ever reproduce all of the predictions of quantum mechanics.
Given the nature of the lack of absolution, it further increases doubt in the span of decision making, and the biggest pressing issue is always time. If not making a decision is an unavailable choice, people will often rely on reducing the number of available choices while preparing for the worst that can come out of it. Indirectly, this becomes a psychological trap of false choice.
__________________

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
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Old 2010-09-04, 09:03   Link #331
LeoXiao
思想工作
 
 
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Ah physics. How I hated thee.
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Old 2010-09-04, 11:59   Link #332
SaintessHeart
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
PART I : The Idea Of A Belief System - Flaming Passion Because I Choose To!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
PART II : Schroedinger's Catgirl And The Heisenberg Tsundere Principle
PART III : The Azunyan Mentality - Worst-Case-Scenario Thinking Can Impair Our Actions

If facts aren't hard enough to make a decision, the decisions will be made by imagining the scenario. The view of a scenario is also a choice by itself, since the future cannot be remotely viewed in full, and the application of the abovementioned principle and thought experiment still applies.

Often, the fetishism with a concrete view unblemished by the chips of doubt pushes us to ignore every other choice available at that moment, save for the cement dust one which everything is completely in pieces. If the perfect one is not available, the cement dust scenario will be seen as something that will happen through the mentality of "at least if we thought of a remedy for it, we will not suffer as much damage".

This creates an impression of others and situation in which we might misinterprete the washing of showerheads and eating of a taiyaki from its gill cover as an entendre to the actions of oral sex. As such, this culminates in the reduction of trust and hope in the person or situation, and further discourages one from taking active action with salvage operations.

Moreover, such a structured view, if imposed on another person, is no different from personal biasness; how can it be fair to ascertain an ugly looking person to be a bad marketeer, simply by looks itself? Or that an argumentative individual to be an antisocial and troublemaking worker in the office? This will only serve to create more problematic scenarios in the future, which worst-case-outcomes will have even more detrimental consequences.

On the contrary, viewing the outcome with positivism can be a good drive for morale, but it cannot be taken for granted because if it isn't created, it wouldn't exist.
__________________

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
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Old 2010-09-06, 10:52   Link #333
WBoon
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So, I have this idea wandering round my head ever since I started writing my K-On! fan fiction. I decided to discuss it here instead of the K-On! fan fiction thread because... its origin isn't really anything like K-On. Hell, as of now, my fan fiction is being driven further and further away from the elements of the anime with each chapter.

We writers love the characters we write, the stories we include them in, the adventures and the stuff, but imagine what it's like to be the characters themselves? Now, I know this sounds like it's just BS silly stuff stolen from "The Last Action Hero," but you know, it's not that silly an idea if written well.

I myself have always believed in the subjectivity of everything in my life. History. Values. My memories. Sure, we have a subconsciousness telling us that our lives are real, and not just the fabrication of a greater being, but it's just our instincts telling us that. You could search through the depths of the world, find some archeological find of some proof that God doesn't exist, and it would probably still be written by some guy who has too much free time on his hand, making you go through all these just to make you think you actually have a life.

Like God Himself, I'd dare say. Created the world in six days. But who knows what else he could do? Everything you know relies on faith, the believe that the so-called 'logic' you use to explain your world is real. If I am able to control such a world in my hands, would that make me a God as well? Kira was not a God because he was able to be stopped. The so-called 'God' we know in our religions cannot be seen, cannot be stopped, cannot be interacted with. Omnipotent. Kinda like... a writer fabricating a world (note that there are also 'evil gods' in the belief of people). Or perhaps not a God. Perhaps a demon of omnipotency. Like Lucifer. F-ing Satan.

Regardless, just for the fun of writing a story like this, what do you think? To know that, the shit I put her through is just to make her stronger, to grow as a character... boy, that would be terrible knowledge to bear for Mio. Heh. And I haven't even started yet. A little sickening, yes, but it's perfectly acceptable to us writers, since it allows character growth, and especially, since they are just fictitious characters, no?

And try imagining this - if knowing about the existence of a more powerful being fabricating your life gives you free will (assuming that the knowledge frees you from the grasp of this being), would you live your new life, knowing that the entirety of it was a lie in the past? A manipulated story just for the amusement of people. Hell, Flare is just a representation of my views, my values (and my fanboyism for Mio). His love was Mio was just a fabrication. It wasn't real. I think that, knowing something as terrible for this, for someone as insecure as Mio, would probably have her committing suicide, ending her false tale of a life once and for all.

However, all these is just plain upsetting to the initial vision I had of my story. I wanted my story to be a happy, coming-of-age tale (with a dash of social awareness), not some Sci-Fi emo-fest where everyone would end up bitter and lonely - which is exactly what my aforementioned theory would lead to, if I am to craft it into my fan fic. I initially had the idea of making my characters accept this fate, and just be thankful because their lives have been made better by me. Then, I thought about the knowledge I talked about, of a fabricated life. It changes everything. No matter how good they have it, a fake life is a fake life.

There goes the fun of having a love rectangle between me, Mio, Flare, and Ritsu.
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Old 2010-09-24, 16:49   Link #334
kaizerknight01
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Just a story that i came up with ...
Spoiler for ...:
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Old 2010-09-27, 16:14   Link #335
Ricky Controversy
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A brief essay I just spat out. I may come back and reformat it later.

Spoiler for On Sarcasm, Parody and Wit:
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Old 2010-12-15, 10:29   Link #336
brandygrasser
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Woodland Hills, CA USA
She

She goes through each day, With a smile on her face
She holds herself well, With much poise and grace
She laughs and she smiles, She seems so happy and free
But deep deep inside, There’s something no one can see
When you look at her you think, She has must have everything
But you’ll never know, The song she must sing
Its one filled with grief, Lonely and sad
You cant see the loss, The horrid experiences she had
So while you see laughter, When you look into her eyes
Its just her way to hide, All the tears she has cried
She goes through the same, Time after time
She watches everyone’s happy ending, Wondering where’s mine
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Old 2010-12-15, 10:35   Link #337
Tsuyoshi
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I think it's better that you ask to move it to this section of the forum. It would be good to share other works like this one over there as well Nicely done!
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Old 2011-04-05, 10:50   Link #338
delirium
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Self torn asunder by unfathomable hate
Cinders of my very core, maelstrom of emotions unfolding
Hopes for the future, pleading ignored,

Cinders of what-should-have-been, sickness proclaimed
Reflected through polished glass; a burdening illusion
Writhing mind tries to describe; the pain of my spirit

A yearning for springly scents upon pallored flesh,
Cracked lips colored by seeping blood,
Admist hushed screams proclaiming my sin

A lie conceals truth of my being, must ask why
Great machine marches onwards; innocence denied
Fatherly embrace of a daughter's love unrealized.

Oh lord in highest heaven, why have you cast me into the pit
Oh mother and father, gaze into the core of my being
Oh flesh why must you deceive those beloved to the heart

Maggots wiggle through decrepit flesh; self exposed
All is for naught; as the eyes imprint their last
Cherry blossoms decay; their beauty lost

Deny me, burn me, put me to rest
If but for a day of feminity realized,
Countless eternities to reminisce

The truth of the very core of my being,
Cover me with cherry blossoms and springly scents
Cast me into cosmic conflagrations, cinders afloat forever
A life unlived, feminity denied, float me through oblivion!

Last edited by delirium; 2011-04-05 at 14:20.
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Old 2011-04-05, 16:51   Link #339
Gamer_2k4
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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I don't have anything short enough to post here, but I'm slowly grinding my way towards finishing a science fiction novel. It was inspired by Neon Genesis Evangelion, but after 4 years of work and about 120,000 words, any resemblance has largely faded. I hope to have it finished by the end of the year, but that's assuming I can find time to work on the actual writing (as opposed to planning and outlining).
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Old 2011-04-06, 14:11   Link #340
psycho_luny
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got something new...only problem...it's just fragments, still need to put it together in a way that makes any sence...will post it when i'm done
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