2011-10-02, 07:49 | Link #2061 |
~ Your Smile ~
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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I guess because I designed IS by using canon technology in ways that is overpowered, I did come up with strange ways to break the system. In a way, like how Star Trek comes up with solutions...
ISpers have an insane advantage in that they know what you are going to do next. Let's pit combat instructor Trinity in an I-type MPIS with just the SAR-X2 SOPMOD rifle and a 4-bit SWORD Equalizer against Mysterious Lady. Even if the MPIS can't overwhelm the defenses, the unit being lighter and simpler can engage the unit in attrition until ML gives up or makes a mistake. Being an ISper helps that along. Being an experienced pilot first and a war veteran second closes the gap some more. And when she stalls long enough, the rest of her squadron would've gotten there. Now let's say it was Marvelous-san who set up the trap, and has Karon and friends Overdrive jump from BVR into melee. All of them have been given plasma disruptor Equalizers. ML is now exhausted by Trinity's assault, and reacts too slowly from being surrounded, and is stunned unconcious. So as long as no one comes to her aid, she's lost because her IS was just too bulky, and that she's just 1 person. As long as there is a pilot, the IS always has a flaw.
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2011-10-02, 08:10 | Link #2062 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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2011-10-02, 08:17 | Link #2063 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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I'd say it's fine for me. Of course, those who speak/ write English for real might say otherwise... 2. I'm concentrating myself with my college and sacred twins, but I believe I'll post Authorfic and chapter 9 at the same time. @MeisterBabylon What is MPIS? Something like Uchigane & Raphael?
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2011-10-02, 08:24 | Link #2065 | |
Titans Test Team Pilot
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The Elysium
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<Ren> is just... wow.. I can just imagine her kicking drone butts while going "Can't touch me!"
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2011-10-02, 08:24 | Link #2066 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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(Compared to me...just look at the chapters without Blitz' fist of grim-dark, it's mostly just a lighthearted twincest with no real plot )
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2011-10-02, 08:39 | Link #2067 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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Can you please read the prologue for chapter 4 I posted in the earlier page? Sorry for asking but you and Blitz seem most like my beta readers now please say if it needs any improvements. When do you think you can post sacred twins. |
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2011-10-02, 08:44 | Link #2068 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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(unless the tragedy that is chapter 8 draft is repeated again, which mean ANOTHER WEEK TO FIX!) You want to know how broken the REAL chapter 8 is? PM me with yer email here (not ff.net, it's has habit of erasing net address).
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2011-10-02, 08:50 | Link #2069 | |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Have you read the chapter 4 prologue? Is it okay? |
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2011-10-02, 09:30 | Link #2070 | |
Tenshi's Defense Squadron
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Fighting against those who oppress the system
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@Zero: No spoiling it for him. Need help with chapter 9? xD PS: one more thing, I spotted some grammar mistakes in chapter 8, so once you polish up chapter 9, send it to me so I can correct it, so I can send it back to you before you upload it.
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2011-10-02, 09:38 | Link #2071 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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(And they say Nurse knew how to take care people, Ichika is going to scold me) As for chapter 9, I might have problem with character interaction, but I'm confident with the battle scenes. It's 33% done so far, 5500 words to go!
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2011-10-02, 09:38 | Link #2072 | |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Can you please read the review the prologue and crack draft I posted earlier? I need to know if the grammar is ok and if I need to tweak the the sequences at all, be careful of the yaoi moment in the crack draft though |
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2011-10-02, 09:46 | Link #2073 | |
Tenshi's Defense Squadron
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Fighting against those who oppress the system
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I think, you should put a LITTLE of a description, such as: I tried to lose in her in the hallways, didn't work. Tried running into a crowd, she just blew them away (without injuring them of course) and then say, after X minutes of more running away. I think the girls AKA Ichika's harem are a bit too quiet about this matter, knowing how possessive they are. Although, maybe you should add in Irish whispering to Ichika, "Go along with this for now."
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2011-10-02, 09:56 | Link #2074 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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Just needed to know if it's actually plausible enough to write first, didn't want to write an extended fight/escape scene if the draft was too convoluted. So do you think it's plausibe or too stupid to include? |
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2011-10-02, 09:58 | Link #2075 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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Anyway, how about we bring all those characters to Dan's place? You see...Ichika wanted to bring Madoka home to improve her mood further... But the harem (and Char) is tailing for the twins, mistook it for a date (yes, the girls already saw Madoka as a big threat at this point). Of course, Ichika visit Dan (Dan and Ran, moreso than Rin, never met Madoka even once), and Dan recognized one of the 'stalker' as Rin. Cue jelly maelstorm happy party with Ran joining. Meanwhile, Dan and Ichika met their enemies (the guys Ichika sent to hospital for bullying Rin) when they brought Char to arcade. For some reason, they proceed to challenge Ichika in a duel (which obviously a trap, but Dan said he does not afraid). They're surrounded by 30+ people but those three managed to steamroll them easily, and no I.S. involved. Umm, is the pacing a little too fast? Just saying.
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2011-10-02, 10:11 | Link #2076 | |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Pacing seems fine, just dont forget to add details for what they're doing at the time |
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2011-10-02, 10:16 | Link #2077 | |
~ Your Smile ~
Author
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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Also, when ISpers are few and far between, (The entire Metroid Spacey has around 10, and there's no formal way to test the trait beyond the pilot claiming she can feel something backed up by performance in war games) why bother? (Its a trait I believe to exist in Ichika. Explains why IS reacts to him as well, and all those lol-NEWTYPE reactions he has. So instead of deterring it, people would be focused on making their men ISpers first, before they attempt to find countermeasures.) That said, IS Perception is limited in the sense that they can only feel strong intent and emotions, which empathic people can already accomplish to an extent. Are these so-called ISpers really a new human being, or just someone very good at reading body language, amplified by the sensors of the IS? The Metroids believe they are, but the rest of the world regard it as hogwash. Notice how I always like to have neither here nor there themes in my work. It gives me a lot to expound about as the series rolls on. Gotta give you guys something to chew on when I have no harem antics in mind.
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2011-10-02, 10:17 | Link #2078 | |
Tenshi's Defense Squadron
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Fighting against those who oppress the system
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2011-10-02, 10:21 | Link #2079 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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And of course, certain sniper duo (Cecil and Madoka) is making a BIG DAMN HEROINES with BB gun, and then Houki and Rin just happen to be there albeit a bit late... (Especially, Rin, who still hold a grudge toward the guys)
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2011-10-02, 10:22 | Link #2080 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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10 people would make a lot more sense. Even if Charles is badass he still wouldn't have been able to take out those robbers without Laura. Make it more like they take out 3 each and Madoka headshots the last one.
@Blitz- Is the draft okay to include or too much of a whiplash? |
Tags |
fanfic ideas, fanfiction, ff.net, harem, is fanfic, warning fanfic spoilers, wincest |
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