2011-02-10, 10:14 | Link #141 |
ANTI-Nonsense
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Peer Review - DESCENDS.
Okay. You're grammar is improving some, but you need to lay off the constant usage of ellipses, A.K.A. these THINGS "...". Periods were invented for a reason, bro.
(The comma is a story for another time.) Couple of typos that could have been caught by running your text through Microsoft Word, although simple grammar and syntax issues can be fixed generally by Word too. (Missing words, though? Well, I got no easy cure for that, except revise, revise, and revise some more in detail, so you catch them sneaky buggers). Another issue you're having is your tenses. Take a look at this: "Empyrean was about to finish when he sees Chifuyu...." That ain't right. I can tell you were trying to use Past Progressive Tense, but you dropped the ball when you suddenly decided to switch Present Tense. That's a big no-no in written English. Consistency, man. Consistency. If you're narrating a story, after the fact, then you need to stay in Past Tense the whole time. Thogh Dialogue and a character's thoughts, just to name a few things, are an exception to this convention The funny thing is, I think you know about this convention, too, because right after that sentence, you whip this out: "As they saw Chifuyu, both ran quickly to the hangar for their daily tasks of the day." That's actually correct. The wording might be a bit awkward, but it's consistent Tense usage all the way. Now, for the contents of the info dump, well, it's an info dump. It gets the job done. That said, I am curious as to why you're raising this issue, when ACs from the Nexus / Last Raven era feature more powerful (yet energy intensive) radiators, with an emergency forced cooling feature, to keep with the needs of ACs in that era? Oh, and as much as it baffles me, I do find myself agreeing with Tk's skepticism on this one. Generations of ACs before Nexus / Last Raven didn't have cooling flaws, an issue that was corrected obviously in the NEXTs hereafter... Ah, wait a second here. I am confuzzled. Huh. HUHHHHHHHHhhh?! *BSOD!X_X* Sorry, I needed a moment there. Erm, look, maybe you should have just told us the real reason why the pilot suit is necessary. Ergo, boosters and generators give off a lot of heat; hence, the need for a solid radiator and parts with good cooling ratings. The thing is, all of that goes out the door, when you come under fire, because those big weapons in AC have a "Heat" rating so to speak. Energy weapons, sustained rifle / machinegun fire, railguns, linear weapons, grenade cannons, missiles, rockets, flamethrowers, and handguns in particular are very good at cooking an AC alive for some reason or another, yet their discharge heat doesn't affect the AC wielding them... Agh, anachronism detected! TK, take it away, man. I know you can figure out some logical reason why something so arbitrary is supposed to make sense!
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2011-02-10, 11:28 | Link #142 | ||||
Archangelic Demon Vampire
Author
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Mauritius
Age: 30
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This might be going into an off-topic post, but my two cents:
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This was fixed in Nexus where energy weapons became the heaters, and solid weapons lost their status as the top heaters ( we still had that cheap H3 handgun that could be considered "Inferno Handgun", but that was about it). I guess that our AC crossover buddy is going in with LR statistics here. (Well, they're the most logical and realistic I believe). Also... AC pilots don't wear THAT much armor. See for yourselves: Armored Core - Last Raven: 2nd Opening Quote:
There's no noisy boy though. You have one normal-type guy "Saji", the two stoic bishounens Edward and Alex, and we have our generic happy Ichika. None is too noisy to summon Alex's ho-yay side... We need some lively loudmouth! (Well, we've got one, but Ray's in the shadow universe) Quote:
To make sure, he will most probably go and "probe" Edward's room with cameras to see THE TRUTH. He might see the shocking truth though. Too shocking. Cue for ho-yay. Quote from a possible way things might turn out: Alex: "So now we will see... Wherever this is another masquerade or not." Alex activates the cameras he implanted into Charles's room. Alex (thinking): "Hmm... I just need to get a glimpse of... wait, that's not politically correct... perhaps I should have sampled his chromosomes to figure it out... hem... *scratches his head*well whatever... If I see something wrong with the chest... wait, what if my suspicions are true? I'M GOING TO SEE... Crap, better switch that thing off. Too late, Charles walks out of the shower. Manly prosthesis and muscles appear on Alex's screen. Soon the towel goes off as well. *Nose bleed* Lyn sends him another electrical discharge for being an accidental pervert. Another alternative would be having Alex and Edward as bunk mates... As Alex has a lot of "underground" activities he has to keep up with, he tries to seem nice to Edward until the latter goes to bed. Yes. Nice. HO-YAY! Let us remember that in truth, Alex is straight though.
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Last edited by Terminator98; 2011-02-10 at 12:10. |
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2011-02-10, 12:28 | Link #143 | |||
Augumented Paranoia
Join Date: Nov 2003
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2011-02-10, 14:57 | Link #144 | |
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 35
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Also, I got the inspiration of character design from two of the mods. Cookies for anyone who can guess them WITHOUT getting me the bahnhammer.
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2011-02-10, 16:53 | Link #145 | |
Loveable Jerk
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That's even worse then IS! At least they have the excuse that it's a sanctioned sporting event with rules and referees. This is supposedly being done in "real combat" crap like this how you LOSE battles, this is like Clanner level "die fighting or don't come back!" stupid! No wait it's even worse the Clanners at least left the ejection systems in, and even if many were highly reluctant to use it at leastthey had the option.
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2011-02-10, 17:13 | Link #146 | |
Augumented Paranoia
Join Date: Nov 2003
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2011-02-10, 18:00 | Link #147 | |||||
~ Your Smile ~
Author
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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Haven't watched it yet, can't elaborate on it. I believe boys eating with boys equate to something like a truce for them, so I don't expect them to move... ...until Edward ups and punches Ichika across the room for his question if he were a girl like Charlotte. Quote:
*dodges Night Fury's shot* I'd say Alex and Ed would do a nice two-man stand-up. Quote:
Yes to both ideas. Which reminds me that I need to work out who's Karon's roommate. I suppose it would be either Rachel, Agex's upcoming OC, or my 3rd OC being constructed (which may be the best option, as the girl is not related to Singapore in any way). Rachel would probably go well with Agex's OC. Quote:
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2011-02-10, 18:00 | Link #148 | |
Archangelic Demon Vampire
Author
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Mauritius
Age: 30
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Borrowed Meisterbabylon's format... Hope you didn't have a copyright on that. Yes. If you read the character sheet carefully, seeing that Alex plays piano, you might get some Rey Za Burrel or Nicole piano once I get the time to compose the music. (Lets say, he'll play that when the guys set up a ball for a party. Romantic moment ensues. good idea? Like he's the one playing the piano)
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2011-02-10, 18:05 | Link #149 | |
~ Your Smile ~
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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*runs from fellow Asians* @template: Hell no, I ripped the whole thing off the 2nd generation wikia designs so feel free to use it.
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2011-02-10, 21:35 | Link #150 | |||||
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
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2011-02-11, 00:14 | Link #151 | |
Augumented Paranoia
Join Date: Nov 2003
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Woow, my inner sci-fi nerd is kicking in trying to explain how everything works.
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2011-02-11, 03:46 | Link #152 | ||
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 35
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2011-02-11, 09:39 | Link #153 |
~ Your Smile ~
Author
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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Ed might find it a refreshing change that the harem would hate him after that.
I'll watch it tmr. Still short for European standards. Ah, got it. That means Rachel shall learn of Gou's real personality really quick. Unfortunately I haven't run into either of them mods.
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2011-02-11, 10:14 | Link #154 | ||
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
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What do you think would be Chifuyu and Yamada reaction and impression of the Night Fury when they see it for the first time ? Also the fact that neither of them has heard or even seen it before ? |
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2011-02-11, 13:50 | Link #155 | ||
Archangelic Demon Vampire
Author
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Mauritius
Age: 30
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That's the main reason why, I STRESS, Alex never uses Belial in public. Due to its kick-ass nature and over the top weapons, people will start wondering where I got that unit. I kinda came up with the thought though that after some time (perhaps, after Belial's first appearance), Omega Division would get more and more interested into it and allow its further deployment (in IS matches) so that they may get some info samples on it. Omega Division (which has got contacts everywhere) would monitor IS Academy and ask them to shut up about the IS itself. Bribe? After Alex's mission is done, IS Academy could ask for all the data and a throughout analysis of on his IS. I updated the profile again and added quite a lot of stuff to the discography thing, including battle themes, and the tunes Alex plays on the piano (Download em from megaupload, I put them up there, and linked them to the doc.) Also found out teh voice actors I wanted for the char and his IS. seems like a nice duo. XD I have a question Babylon. Any plans on making our IS evolve into second form? I've already got a second form for Belial, plus a plot dependent "Evil" form that activates whenever Alex goes berserk. I am eager to see Alex and Ed live together. saucy moments ahead!
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Last edited by Terminator98; 2011-02-28 at 11:28. |
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2011-02-11, 14:00 | Link #156 | |
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 35
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Or should I just RD their mecha first? Or draw out the girls first?
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2011-02-11, 15:00 | Link #157 | |
Archangelic Demon Vampire
Author
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Mauritius
Age: 30
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It's much easier to write stuff about them once you yourself have got a clear image of what they look like. As MeisterBabylon still hasn't come up with his Index, I'll put a temporary one here: Spoiler for Cannon Universe OC List:
Will try to update this as more info comes. [/SPOILER]
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Last edited by Terminator98; 2011-02-28 at 11:29. Reason: erased outdated stuff |
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2011-02-11, 18:43 | Link #158 | |||||||
~ Your Smile ~
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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I'd say follow what works better for your timeline. Quote:
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I was intending to redo my Discography section and limit it to songs that Karon does play with the No Hokago Kohi! light music band. But I guess this works too.
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2011-02-11, 22:17 | Link #160 | ||
Archangelic Demon Vampire
Author
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Mauritius
Age: 30
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If you want to know its fighting styles, think of the Blitz Gundam mixed with Dynames and the added style of using his sword like Vergil from Devil May Cry... He can also do a "Freedom-type" beam spam attack, but that's VERY RARE, seeing that this leaves him quite vulnerable. Now, my main question is does the Night Fury have a generic shielding system like the other Infinite Stratos. If it doesn't, I don't think that the armor will do much against the assasination type weapons on Belial. Night Fury will have to constantly keep on the move, because a hit from any of my weapons nearly always means OHKO. Of course, your IS being very agile, it might suck to hit it. Here's how my stealth system works... in details (copy pasted from a message to James) Spoiler for Nightmare cape mechanics:
So if you get close enough, it won't do me any good to stealth, as you'll start noticing me easily. Once you know where I am (if you managed to survive the OHKO attacks I sent you while cloaked), Alex will probably get cornered because he's much slower than the Night Fury. Then, time to switch to the second mode. We'll get pretty much even then, with the only exception... I don't have as much ranged weapons as you. (even though mine's more powerful). It'll either end up in a shoot-out until one tires out or a melee fest akin to the most Gundam epic duels. But I seem to have predicted the epic use of beam weaponry in this thread... thus why I have very good energy defenses... I can do a badass block of your energy projectiles with my cape! XD The two main weapons that can severely damage me would be the plasma bazooka (being the same type of power as my shielding, it will require me to divert more energy into the plasma field, leaving me powerless if done too much), the Railguns (god I hate ballistic weapons) and of course, the beamsabers, if you get me while I am still in caped mode, or you pierce through the plasma field. But then... why would the two fight? O.o Perhaps if it is during a tournament yes... But Alex has to specifically use the Belial ONLY when he really needs to. He'll stay into a trainer IS otherwise (until the Omega Division authorizes him with constant usage, which I guess, should be after the first time Belial appears. The reason why Alex uses it would be saving Ichika from Phantom Task drones I guess.) To quote from my character sheet: Quote:
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Tags |
fanfic ideas, fanfiction, ff.net, harem, is fanfic, warning fanfic spoilers, wincest |
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