The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya [Spoilers Aplenty]

[Heatth]

While on the subject, shouldn't we elect a new Official Scribe for the rewrite?

This was a popular project so it should continue even without Kaisos.

[Pip]

Originally Posted by Heatth

While on the subject, shouldn't we elect a new Official Scribe for the rewrite?

This was a popular project so it should continue even without Kaisos.

That would be awesome. The main reason i joined this thread was Kyonko's moeness Itsuko fanservice the rewrite project. Even if Kaisos is unwilling to continue the rewrite project, I don't think work should halt completely on it. I really enjoyed reading the rewrites, and I think a lot of other people did too.

I can't write, but I can try editing the rewrite project if Jintor is busy.

[dkellis]

Originally Posted by Pip

I can't write, but I can try editing the rewrite project if Jintor is busy.

Not meaning to single you out, but this bit is a good example of why there hasn't been a new official scribe.

I'm personally working on "Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody" and "Endless Eight", but I can't be the new official scribe, because I simply do not have the time. Specifically, the time to read the originals, rewrite them, and then keep checking back for edits to incorporate.

This is, after all, one reason why I never managed to get very far with the visual novel archive.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

I'd do it, but I've got more than enough on my hands as it is. There's also the fact that I'd most likely end up getting too lazy and essentially c&p most of it, which wasn't the intention of the project.

[Jintor]

I'm also 'off' the rewrite project for the reasons Kaisos described. I might pick up one or two pieces (or just jump on things other people write) but you shouldn't consider me the 'chief editor' for the rewrite project.

On that note, I'd better start on the last couple of Kaisos posts.

[Jintor]

Spoiler for September the Second, Day 1, Universe A: Clubroom- Open and Close:

Open and Close

Kyonko: "...and that's why next time Haruki bullies you like that, you should punch him right in his stupid face."


"Unfortunately for me and my health, not to mention Asahina-senpai, as I speak these truth-filled words I catch the tell-tale creak of the clubroom door opening. Has Haruki returned to cause us more misery-"

"...Odd."

"The door's... shut."


Mitsuuru: "Something wrong, Kyon-chan?"

Kyonko: "...No, nothing. So, how do you feel now?"


"If Mitsuuru didn't notice it, I'm not going to pile more worries onto his little head."


Mitsuuru: "Much better, Kyon-chan. Thanks for listening."

Kyonko: "It's no trouble at all to listen to your problems, Senpai. Now, why don't you get changed so we can walk home together?"

Mitsuuru: "R-right!"


"I head out into the hallway to wait for him."

"I just can't shake this feeling that something was off. It's the same feeling as last night."

"And for some reason, at the same time I heard the door open, somewhere in the back of my brain I heard the sound of... ripples."

"I have doubts it's my imagination. Also, I guess I forgot to ask Nagato about the strange happenings of last night, as well. I guess I can add one more thing to the list of things I need to talk to him about."

"A knock on the door behind me.


Mitsuuru: "...Kyon-chan...?"

Kyonko: "What's up?"

Mitsuuru: "H-He really did take my school uniform... I don't have any c-clothes... h-help me, please..."


"..."

"But for now, it appears I have other things to deal with."

[Jintor]

Spoiler for September the Second, Day 1, Universe A: Evening Streets of Nishinomiya- Paradox, Redux:

Paradox, Redux

"I managed to get Asahina-senpai home by convincing him to wear that frog suit Haruki made us all work entirely too hard for."

"It was embarrassing for him, but compared to walking home dressed as a French Maid? It's... an improvement."

"Considering what happened this morning, I had been rather nervous about going back home, but my father seemed to have forgotten. Instead, he mentioned how great it was that I was taking more of an interest in healthy eating, but eating all the eggs is going a bit far, and that they don't help with breast growth either, if I was wondering."

"Sigh... yes, father, I'll go buy more eggs, even though I wasn't the one who ate them, since I've been home all day. Why am I always blamed for food going missing? Isn't it more appropriate to blame the younger, irresponsible sibling? And why this focus on breast growth?"

"And that's why I'm heading to the supermarket at night, to buy eggs so we can actually have breakfast tomorrow."

"...I'm going to kill my little brother."


"I've always been a little scared of the dark. I guess it's one of those primal fears all humans have."

"And like most humans, I'm also scared of what's in the dark. So of course, I screamed when something big and hunched over stumbled out of the bushes."


Man: "Uggh..."


"It's someone with long brown hair, wearing semiformal dress clothing, and clutching his chest in pain."


Kyonko: "Asahina... san...?"

Big Mitsuuru: "A-Ah, K-Kyon-chan, you r-remember me. Hrggggh... good. I made it to the right, urgh, time..."


"Like I said, Asahina-senapi is a time traveller, and this is him. From the future. To differentiate, I think of him as 'Asahina-san (that's Future him...) and 'Asahina-senpai (the 'present' him)'. If he weren't hunched over in extreme pain right now, he'd be his normal incredibly attractive self."

[Editor's note: I think 'Asahina-senpai (big) and Asahina senpai (small) are too unwieldy to use reliably. I favour 'Future Asahina' or something along those lines - there's got to be another way to name him...)


Kyonko: "A-are you okay, Asahina-san?!"

Big Mitsuuru: "Listen to me- grgggh... v-very carefully, Kyon-chan. What exactly happened today? Anything out of the ordinary?"


"…"


[DECISION POINT HERE]

1)“What do you mean, what happened to me? What happened to you?!”
2)“Nothing happened that I can think, of, no...”


Technobabble (I)


Kyonko: "What do you mean, what happened to me? What happened to you?!"

Big Mitsuuru: "What happened to me, would be a- aarrrgrggh... d-direct consequence of w-what happened to you."


"...Uh, what?"

"Sorry?"


Kyonko: "Unless you count me hearing a door opening when it wasn't, and hearing phantom sounds, nothing really strange happened at all."

Big Mitsuuru: You - Rrrghhh - damnit, urgh- you should have n-noticed more than that."


"I honestly can say that I didn't notice anything else."


Big Mitsuuru: "Tell me- ah, shit, arrrrgh- do you know what h-happens to a t-time traveler when their future... ceases to exist?"

Kyonko: "Well... they no longer exist?"

Big Mitsuuru: "That's how it's supposed to be- ffff... okay, okay... yeah. But then, do you know what happens to a time traveler when their p-past self c-ceases to exist?"

Kyonko: "The... the same thing...?"

Big Mitsuuru: "N-Not... exactly. It takes a while for the entropic effects to destroy the physical body completely, due to the... variance of the temporal... waves. Hrrggh, urrrk, goddamnit... In the meantime, the body experiences rapid... cellular deterioration, starting with the degradation of physical... Hrhrhgh... health. This is w-why I'm like this."


"I don't really understand what he just said, but... Asahina-senpai has vanished from the universe!?"


Big Mitsuuru: "N-No, not exactly. What I'm, rrggh, saying is that he v-vanished from the universe for fifteen minutes this afternoon. And I felt it."

Kyonko: "But, how? I was with him all afternoon."

Big Mitsuuru: "That's exactly it. You should have n-noticed something amiss, like a discrepancy in the... time, or something."


"I look at my watch. It says 20:46, and I left the house at 20:30, according to the clock above the stove, so it would seem that I didn't just disappear for 15 minutes today."


Kyonko: "Look, more importantly, are you really alright? Should I call an ambulance or something?"

Big Mitsuuru: "No, no, no hospital on this time plane can help me, and besides... rgggh... I'm feeling a little better now that my younger self has returned to the time stream. You should have seen me a couple hours ago..."


"You certainly don't look any better, though."


Big Mitsuuru: "I just came back to w-warn you, Kyon-chan. Be mindful of your surroundings in the next few days. Crghh... you never know what m-might happen."


"And with that, he walks unsteadily into the bushes, and vanishes from sight."


"...It would seem that I've gotten myself caught up in something again. Can't I have a single day's worth of rest?"

"I suppose rest is impossible when you're in the SOS Brigade."


Apologies


Kyonko: "Nothing happened that I can think of, no..."

Big Mitsuuru: "Ah, well then, I'm- gah, ffff- sorry. M-My apologies."

Kyonko: "More importantly, are you really alright? Should I call an ambulance or something?"

Big Mitsuuru: "No, no, no hospital on this time plane can help me. I'll be g-going now then, but..."


"But...?"


Big Mitsuuru: "Be mindful of your surroundings in the next few days. Crghh... you never know what m-might happen."

"And with that, he walks unsteadily into the bushes, and vanishes from sight."


"I get the feeling I'm caught up in something strange again. Can't I have a single day's worth of rest?"

"I suppose rest is impossible when you're in the SOS Brigade."

[Jintor]

Spoiler for September the Second, Day 1, Interlude 2: A Room- It's Too Dark in Here:

Interlude 02: It's Too Dark in Here

"Two shadowed people sit in a very dark room, illuminated by the glow of a small, old television. Displayed on the television is the sleeping face of the boy nicknamed “Kyon”."


Shadow A: "Why are we watching him again?!"

Shadow B: "I told you yesterday, because he's cute."

Shadow A: "You know, watching people sleep while making comments like that is really creepy."

Shadow B: "You're one to talk. You wanted to spy on the girl. Now that's creepy."

Shadow A: "...It's creepy either way, whenever a guy or girl does it."

Shadow B: "No, it's romantic when a girl watches a guy sleep."

Shadow A: "Wha...? You of all people should know that gender has nothing to do with anything. It's all superficial crap anyway. At least I admit to being a pervert."

Shadow B: "…"

Shadow A: "Quit watching the boy sleep and listen to me for once!"

Shadow B: "What's up now?"

Shadow A: "You said we'd get to interfere this run around. Why haven't we interfered yet?"

Shadow B: "Because, dear Number Two, of subtlety."

Shadow A: "Screw subtlety. You want subtlety? Look at the last thirty-six times. Those changes were subtle."

Shadow B: "But they all lead to the same outcome, regardless. If we push the variables in the right way, we get a different ending. That's, like, chaos theory or something."

Shadow A: "Well, it's just that, you know..."

Shadow B: "What were you expecting you'd get to do?"

Shadow A: "I dunno. Kill something? Blow up a building? Turn everything on its head?"

Shadow B: "Patience, Number Two. You'll get to kill something soon. Maybe sooner."

Shadow A: "Haha, sweet. I like that kind of development."

Shadow B: "Hahaha."

Shadow A: "...Hahahaha!"

Shadow B: "...Hahahahahaha!"

Shadow A: "...Ahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!"

Shadow B: "HAHAHAH- you're right, it is too dark in here. Get the light switch, would you please?"

Shadow A: "Ah, sure."

Shadow B: "What's up? I don't see any light."

Shadow A: "... I... can't find the switch."


"The two shadows break out into raucous, laughter once more."

"And the TV winks out."

DAY ONE END

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

I've always thought we were doing the following with Kyonko and the two Mitsuurus, to be honest.

Originally Posted by dkellis

Mitsuru: Haruki calls him "Mitsuru-kun". Otouto calls him "Mitsuru-san". Tsuruya calls him "Mitsuru". Kyonko calls the small version "Asahina-sempai", and the large version "Asahina-san". Yuuki calls him "Asahina Mitsuru". Everyone else calls him "Asahina-san".

[Jintor]

That's much more workable than "Asahina-senpai (big) and (small)." We'll go with that.

[vivify93]

Originally Posted by Pip

That would be awesome. The main reason i joined this thread was Kyonko's moeness Itsuko fanservice the rewrite project.

Really!? I joined because of Kyonko's awesomeness promises of shirtless Haruki the idea seemed awesome to me at the time and still does.

...And you just reminded me I still have yet to finish Seitenkan's Melancholy.

[swtrooper42]

And I joined because Kyonko moe Taniguchi moe it seemed like an interesting project that would teach me more about the series. It has indeed given me a new way to look at the characters.

Now I gotta finish my version of Live Alive.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

I joined because I was bored they gave me money this amused me.

Now pardon me as I go back to not contributing anything anymore.

[Solais]

I joined because I haven't seen a place with so much Crack before it had a potential for great lurking it looked like an intelligent thread it had great ideas that worth stealing and using for my own works it's interesting and awesome.

Now pardon me as I go back doing my job (ie. lurking).

[vivify93]

I think Pip just made a fad that'll last a few posts it doesn't help that I'm instiagating this, does it? Pip just made a meme.

Now pardon me while I play ToP and PM with Witty.

[Pip]

Originally Posted by vivify93

I think Pip just made a fad that'll last a few posts it doesn't help that I'm instiagating this, does it? Pip just made a meme.

Now pardon me while I play ToP and PM with Witty.

It's a trap! IMMA FIRING MAH LAZER!!!11! Yay! I got something done on the internets.

But, on a more serious note, regarding the rewrite project:

Seeing as there has been no work on the rewrites recently, I did a draft of Sighs Chap 1 Part 1, loosely based on renrutal's work, but edited to prevent it from sounding like a C&P from BT.

It's not very good, as I find it hard to get into Kyonko's mind, and I have a tendency to looong sentences (must be part german), but it's a start. At least we sorta have a framework on which to argue, for those who still like the rewrites.

Feel free to read it, or not.

Spoiler for Sighs Chap 1 Part 1 - Verses 1 - 65 - tl;dr:

And Jesus told the servants to fill six water pots with water, and they did so. And when the master tasted of the water from the pots, it had become wine, and they knew not, hwence, it had came. But the servants knew, and they applauded loudly in the kitchen. And they inquired upon the Lord, "How the hell did you do that?!" They then asked, "Do you also do children's parties?", and the Lord replied, no.

Disturbing my semblance of a normal life, which got way too many disruptions as it was because of the merry band of men known as the SOS brigade (a.k.a. Suzumiya Haruki’s lackeys), was the high school sports day.

When Haruki insisted with his usual passion that the SOS Brigade participate in the inter-club relay race, one of the many competitive events held that day, I regarded the idea with much doubt and misery. Haruki’s extreme passion, unshared by the rest of the club, would surely lead to much effort and pain expended – especially on the part of the beleaguered Mitsuuru, who would no doubt be bullied by an aggressive Haruki dedicated to making him more manly. At the end, we probably would still fail horribly and lose to the athletics clubs, because none of our members – except for Haruki - are actually any good at sports.

The universe, apparently, loves to prove me wrong. Not surprising, given that Haruki was, according to Itsuko, God.

To our great detriment, we somehow ended up defeating the Athletics club and the Rugby club, where Haruki actually overwhelmed the second place runner by an amazing 100 feet!

[Note: converted horse lengths into a more common length measurement for ease of understanding]

As a result of this surprising victory, our club went from being an unspoken taboo that no one except me spoke of in public, to the center of the school’s attention, in the same way everybody notices a troublemaker who pulls fire alarms in school. Naturally, Haruki was the instigator of all of this, but Nagato, who ran the second leg of the relay, was equally to blame. Using his abilities, he raced past the other competitors almost too quickly to see.

[Note: replaced some phrases just to avoid sounding like a C&P from Baka-Tsuki, which it is… *Goes off tangent*]

Nagato, I wish you’d warn us before pulling a stunt like that.

Afterwards, when I asked Nagato what he did THIS time; the Integrated Data Sentient Entity terminal uttered a brief but utterly impenetrable explanation regarding “energy positioning”, “inertia suppression”, and other such jargon – none of which made any sense to me. Good thing I decided to go for the arts rather than the science curriculum for high school – I leave science to the scientists and let the rest of us get on with our lives peacefully.

The rest of the month proceeded without incident, finally giving me some time to rest from this madness. This promised not to last long, with the school festival coming up next month. Right now, everyone was busily preparing for the school festival, which involved much commotion, but no actual work. The only people actually doing anything were the teachers and members of the organizing committee, since it was their only chance to do anything of note for the year.

Now when it came to club-related contributions to the festival, the still unrecognized SOS Brigade was not required to provide any creative attractions. Though, knowing Haruki, it was impossible that he wouldn’t get bored with the admittedly bland ideas put up by the organizing committee and propose his revolutionary, highly passionate, scandalous, and crazy idea.

If I got to decide what our club’s contribution was to be, I’d avenge Asahina-senpai and lock Haruki up in a cage in his beloved Chippendales and sell pictures off to his fans. I could probably earn a lot in sales; Haruki is in fact attractive to a lot of girls, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he had secret admirers who had no idea of the insanity that is Haruki. But that would be unwise. If Haruki ever got wind of the idea, he’d quickly force it on Asahina-senpai, and neither of our situations would be improved. Better to keep my mouth shut.

That sort of attraction wouldn't have required any serious consideration for values and success - it didn't even require any real effort, considering his brute strength. The same could be said for the rest of the attractions. High school festivals in real life can be that gritty. If you think I'm joking, visit any school holding festivities. When you do, you will realize then that such attractions are pretty much considered a regular expectation of school festivals.

High school life can be severely different than an idealistic young girl would like to believe, no thanks to Haruki and his kind.

On the other hand, what did Class 1-5, the class Haruki and I belong to, intend to do? It turns out that we will be preparing some sort of lame questionnaire. I can see it only as a cover so as to appear to be organizing something for the festival without having to do anything. After Asakura Ryou and any semblance of a student leader disappeared mysteriously this spring, the class has performed as well as a rudderless ship. Without him, the class lost all hope of actually coming up with a creative or even satisfactory idea for the school festival.

After Asakura’s disappearance, Haruki initiated a coup to take over his vacant position. With a speech full of vitriol, he explained his unacceptable plans for when he was elected class president. The completely inappropriate speech shocked and disgusted most of the people in the room, especially the girls, but I wasn’t surprised. It was very typical of Haruki.

Needless to say…

He failed miserably.

Over most of the girls’ objections (and Taniguchi’s), Haruki’s plan was stopped. At the end, though, the class was too exhausted to actually come up with an idea, and now, thanks to Haruki’s unacceptable, unspeakable idea, this uncreative idea was painstakingly brainstormed for the homeroom by Okabe-sensei (don’t remember if this name was changed) after that crazy homeroom session. But what kind of questionnaire would we have? Who would actually be interested in doing this?

Probably no one, I suppose. But since it's been decided, keep up the great work guys!

And so, suffering from severe apathy (as well as a mild disappointment in our school administration), I walked wearily towards the clubroom.

Why did I even bother to go, you ask?

Naturally, this is because of a domineering guy coming towards me and rambling endlessly on the lines of, "A questionnaire? This is so stupid!" and the marginal and rapidly shrinking hope that if I went along with Haruki long enough, he’d eventually leave me in peace.

He said this with an outraged expression on his face. "I mean, who’d go along with that? Who does that principal think I am?!"

Who in their right mind would go along with your suggestion!? You should have known something like that would be stopped the instant Okabe-sensei revealed it for approval. And you didn’t even end up fighting for it! You sat there like MacArthur at Corregidor, defiantly acquiescing to the principal’s demands. [Ed note: defiantly acquiescing? Lol]

“Forget it. There’s no point in uselessly fighting against someone when you can win another way. Besides, it’s no fun organizing an activity with those guys.”
But weren’t you the one who wanted to contribute to the class by winning all of the inter-class races on sports day? I thought it was you who won as the last baton in the short, medium, and long distance relays. Or is my memory wrong?

"That was different."

What was different?

"A school festival is a school festival, or in other words, a campus festival. Though public schools are seldom called campuses, but that doesn't matter. After all, isn't the school festival the most important activity of the whole school year? It is absolutely necessary that we take charge and show the world our passion and school spirit!"

Is that so?

"Of course!" He nodded vigorously, then faced me and announced the following, "The SOS Brigade will definitely do something very interesting!"

The face of Suzumiya Haruki now shone with the same determined look as Hannibal, deciding to cross the Alps during the Second Punic War.

That face is NEVER a good sign.

[vivify93]

Sounds great so far, though I've actually yet to read Sighs.

Also,

Spoiler:

Originally Posted by Kyonko

If I got to decide what our club’s contribution was to be, I’d avenge Asahina-senpai and lock Haruki up in a cage in his beloved Chippendales and sell pictures off to his fans.

I need to get this plan into action... How much would these go for?

[swtrooper42]

Haruki attempting a coup of class leadership seems strangely in-character for me.
lol, unspeakable plan. Wonder what it could be.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

... if I were to serve as editor for that, I'd end up replacing half the dialogue with references to other anime... heck, I can already see two places where I'd do just that.

But, if I were to make a serious suggestion... I'd love to see "Slaves Of Suzumiya" replacing the lackeys thing in the first real paragraph.

[OkamiNoKaze]

How did all the gender bending work out with the baseball episode, I was just thinking about, they didn't play team of girls did they? that would be kind of weird.