EMDAS 2011 - April (Opposites Attract!) Entry Thread

[felix]

Time to pull a relentlessflame and stick a post in just before thread closes, so nobody gonna be able to defend against my shallow arguments. Yeah! like a pro baby! >=D

No, just kidding, it’s a coincidence I only happen to find time now to read the last of them; and comment. Anyway…

I’m kind of noticing a pattern for a while now. Everyone really likes faceless nameless protagonists (and characters in general) it seems. Not in the sense of it being a bad thing, but rather fascinating.

@wassupimviet — somehow, near the end the first person narrative going straight into a third person one is awkward.

@lordshadowisle — it’s pretty creative. I don’t get the underlying plot though (as usual), but I did get the overarching one of the double personality, before it was spoiled. I’ll complain about one thing though. The separators, they were unnecessary. You should have simply had a breakaway sentence; it’s not like you didn’t have a choice there. Worst thing about them is they give too much away.

[lordshadowisle]

@ felix

Thanks for the comment. I'm not extremely fond of the separators myself, as they are quite inelegant devices. However, I put those in because I'm not entirely confident that the scene transitions would be clear otherwise.

[lordshadowisle]

@ papermario

After I read the summary, I realized a problem - too many characters and too much plot to be put in 1500 words! Interestingly, I felt that I had a good grip on things after reading the main entry, but I was confused by the summary

Felix raises some interesting plot problems though. In fact I had a laugh at some of his comments, like

12 year old? And they were going to execute her, when she’s that age? What was she doing at “the office” at that hour anyway? Also, you do know she’s guilty right? She needs to go to jail! =P

Can the prosecution even be related to the witness/defendant in the first place?

[Hiroi Sekai]

Thanks for the c&c guys Sorry about the late reply, but my laptop is legit broken. A new one's on it's way, so I'm replying via iPhone.

First off, typing is terrible on this, so short summaries:P Yes, it's legal in many countries to be related to the witness while you are on the case. Felix, your reply was my first post; I almost immediately changed it:P Still, you're right about many of the word placement errors, but I can't really get to them in my current situation. Ah and yes, too long of a story for 1500 words indeed; I still got my point across.

Finally, consider my current version as my final entry. If I can also request that somebody can post the final version, as much as it pains me. Since I can't use my computer; if somebody can post the new voting thread I would be very grateful. If not, it'll have to wait until Saturday when I can borrow a friend's computer. Once again, apologies.

[felix]

Originally Posted by papermario13689

Finally, consider my current version as my final entry. If I can also request that somebody can post the final version, as much as it pains me. Since I can't use my computer; if somebody can post the new voting thread I would be very grateful. If not, it'll have to wait until Saturday when I can borrow a friend's computer. Once again, apologies.

Thread created.

[Hiroi Sekai]

Many thanks, felix. Much appreciated.

Just an addendum; The_Seth also submitted a story via PM. Title: "The Wanderers", and copied from my inbox

Spoiler for The Wanderers:

On a long straight road, during the cold and dark night, in an empty and never ending desert are two travellers. They walk along with the bare essentials for life, covered from head to toe in a hand made trench coats made from animal hides, automatic rifles in their hands, packs on their backs chocked full of salted and dried pig, box's of ammunition, medical supplies and a sleeping bag. They have been walking together for a long time, they walk because there is no fuel left to drive, they walk at night so they can't be seen, they say no words so they cannot be heard, they live their life’s in controlled fear.

If it wasn't for the incident 30 years ago they wouldn't have to walk with each other to survive, if their parents hadn't died they wouldn't have to put up with each other. Put simply they are a cat and a dog, they can work together but they will hate it, and when they fight they don't hesitate to show their fangs.

The one that always walks on the left calls herself K, quick to write, quick to say. The perfect name for someone who doesn’t have time to waste, she is 19 and her entire life has been spent running, fighting, and surviving. K lives because dying is a waste of time.

The one that always walks on the right calls himself Arther, he lives every day in the footprints of his god, belief gives him life and he uses that life to survive. He was raised in a small community that was hidden away in one of the last oasis's left in land but he only enjoyed 14 years of that peace before it was all taken away from him. His family, friends, and home where destroyed by them, forced to run away he spent 4 years on his own, learning how to live, how to survive. Until one day when he meet a crying and blood covered K, but that story is for another time.

They live for different reasons, but they both fight together to survive. That's just how the new world is for all whom dare to live in it.

A rustle is heard in the distance, K raises her rifle and fires in the blink of an eye, the silence of the night is broken by the gun fire and the flash from the end of the barrel lights up the broken road and the dead plants that surround them. Arther pulls out a bottle of OP Rum and lights the rag that hangs out of it, then throws it into a clearing to his right. The bottle lands and erupts in a fireball, K taps his arm as she moves to the opposite side of the road, getting low to the ground and switching her rifle to the sawn off shotgun hanging from inside her trench coat. Arther runs over to K's side, pulling out his sledgehammer as he slides onto the ground and says a quick prayer asking for strength.

K and Arther are looking at either sides of the fire, not looking at the fire itself as it will ruin their ability to see what will be approaching. They grip their weapons tightly, listening hard for the daunting and demented sound of them approaching.

In an instant the sound of footsteps approach quickly, there is three of them, their bodies black as the night’s sky with sores all over, their eyes fixed on the flaming ground ahead of them, their teeth decayed and covered in blood. Such a disgusting sight. They scramble over to the fire searching the ground for hopefully whatever made all the noise as Arther rises to his feet in a mad sprint. Holding the sledgehammer with both hands as he winds back and unleashes on the closest ones head. K runs around the side of Arther and fires off a single round into each the remaining two. She shoots for the legs to immobilize them and Arther finishes them off with a single blow to the head. Their efficient and fast moves as a team truly separate them from the living and the dead.

When the last one stops twitching Arther lays his sledgehammer to the ground, kneels down in front of it and prays silently in thanks for the successful fight. K collects the corpse from the side of the road that she shot but moments ago and pulls it over to the other corpses, where she pulls out her hunting knife and gets to work skinning them. She looks over to Arther as he prays, what an absolute waste of time she thinks as she pulls of skin off the first corpse. He does this every time, praying to that make believe god and wasting important time that's needed to make their new tent for when the sun rises.

Arther feels a familiar feeling and finishes up his prayer, then looks over to K. She's pissed off with him again, she just never understands no matter how many times Arther try’s to explain, she would be so much happier if only she let god into her heart. It's not like god hates her, she's still alive and a pretty decent looker thinks Arther as he stands up and walks over to K. If stares could kill Arther would be long dead.

Arther sits down in front of K, he pulls out a thread made of leathered cow hide and his hunting knife. Preparing to sew the skin together as K throws two of the corpses skin's to him, but before he begins he looks over at K with the look on his face that K absolutely despises. The look of, I want to talk.

She clicks her tongue and clears some room in front of her, and using her finger she writes into the ground.

"what?"

Arther does the same, clearing some room in front of him and writes into the ground.

"You really should have used the rifle, we have way more rifle bullets then shotgun rounds"

"shotty easier to immobilize with"

"Perhaps, but it's still twelve days walk to Alice Springs, we need to save as much shotgun rounds as we can because it's s-"

"I KNOW! just stitch, almost day"

And with that the conversation ended, K returned to skinning the two remaining corpses and Arther began to stitch the skin together to make a tent.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Come daytime and the two of them are sound asleep, sitting back to back in a dugout with the skin sitting over the top of the hole, the corpses hung from a tree a while away from them upwind. The smell of burning muscles being carried in the wind, the sun is a lot hotter then it used to be, good thing their skin is such a good UV filter otherwise moving across the desert would be almost impossible.

K and Arther slept for as long as they could but they always wake up before sun has set. So for 2 hours or so they sit in their dugout together, thinking their own thought's, sometimes writing to each other as speaking is too loud and can cause confusion.

On this particular day K hums a song whilst cleaning her rifle, Arther hums along with K's song as he pulls out some pig from his pack and hands half of it over to K. K grabs it from Arther with her teeth in an almost playful way and chews away happily, Arther chuckles and tap's the tune of the song on his leg whilst eating. These are the times when both Arther and K truly enjoy having the company of someone, these are the times when their small annoyances disappear and they just enjoy the time they have together.

If only he didn't believe in a make believe god.

If only she could have an actual conversation.

[felix]

Entry added.

[WordShaker]

Originally Posted by papermario13689

A little late, but here's my current entry.

Oh ho, this one sounds familiar.

Originally Posted by felix

The word limit is such a damn pain. No miracles this time. I had to write chapter, then skipped forward and somehow made a chapter that barely stands on it’s own, grr.

Ah, I can definitely see where the word limit hurts. There's plenty that could have been elaborated on or described, but you don't get a lot of leeway to work with.

Originally Posted by lordshadowisle

Wooohooo made it on the final day! Actually I started writing on the final day itself. Goes to show that procrastination has its benefits

Hehe, what a premise. That was thoroughly enjoyable. I particularly liked that twist that went on towards the end.

[Hiroi Sekai]

^ Bwaha, you noticed? Nice avatar, by the way.

[WordShaker]

Comes from a great videogame series too, yeah?

[Hiroi Sekai]

Frankly my dear, I have no idea of what you are speaking of. I can tell you that my next story will be about the spirit of a detective who passed on...

[lordshadowisle]

@wordshaker

Thanks for the positive comments on my piece.

Also, did you have a name change? I had no idea that could be done!

[felix]

Originally Posted by lordshadowisle

@wordshaker

Thanks for the positive comments on my piece.

Also, did you have a name change? I had no idea that could be done!

Post here: http://forums.animesuki.com/showthread.php?t=36723