Dating

[Thewanderer]

Originally Posted by hakisak

If you are at a party and you wonder why a guy hasn't talked to you all night. [/B]

It's because he's watched you turn down guy after guy all night. I know some were "Facially Impaired," Too Short or Ewww <--those I give you a pass for.

Thing you have to understand is. Guys don't judged other guys They only say that about cute guys. They can tell if he's "Facially Impaired"


Even guys who seem the most confident have to have a ego-booster.

"What?! She's talking to that dude!! Oh I know I can get her"

If they see you not mingling with any guy, they will just think you are cold. You are going to have to flirt with some of those rejects...NOT LEAD THEM ON...JUST FLIRT. [/CENTER]

Kinda discourages guys that are shy from approaching girls though. You know, if they're flirting with other guys.

Though I hope you're not grouping them in with the "rejects" you're talking about... =p

Originally Posted by hakisak

Thank you. You are awesome too *huggles* Despite your filler sickness :P

More than than that you understand I wasn't making in fun of you, right?

I won't make fun of any of you. I am just going to give it to you straight. It's the best way. You asked and I know I can help since I am a chick--who can think like a guy.

Plus I can spot game, and I got's game. It really doesn't sound good when a chick says this...but I HAVE experience

Game isn't what you say--it's how you play it.

You (TW) need to to get over what you can't change. Until you do that, you won't be able to date.

You can get advice online, but you can't find your match.

lol I guess just need to get out more. I've just followed the same routine as when I was with her. Aka staying home on the computer all day. That's what I get for dating a D&D/computer geek though

Though I haven't actually dated for... going on 4 years now. Bleh. It'll be hard to get used to dating again. Dx

[Kakashi]

I think you can read and memorize all the tips and tricks that go with dating, but they never really help much. As a guy, what helped me most was to dive straight in and get experience. It really is a simple matter of doing it.

What do girls look for in a guy? Who gives a shit. How can I get a girl to like me? You can't, you can only be yourself and believe that a girl will like that person. You say that, but a girl has never approached me or shown interest in me? That's because you don't give yourself the chance. Go to parties, or someplace with a crapload of ladies. You'll make mistakes and feel like a complete douche without a doubt, just don't take it too seriously because it doesn't matter. Most girls will overlook any flaw if they like your vibe.

Hakisak's advice is good because it doesn't overcomplicate the issue. And yes, please get over 2D girls if that happens to be holding you back.

[Trespur]

Originally Posted by Kakashi

I think you can read and memorize all the tips and tricks that go with dating, but they never really help much. As a guy, what helped me most was to dive straight in and get experience. It really is a simple matter of doing it.

What do girls look for in a guy? Who gives a shit. How can I get a girl to like me? You can't, you can only be yourself and believe that a girl will like that person. You say that, but a girl has never approached me or shown interest in me? That's because you don't give yourself the chance. Go to parties, or someplace with a crapload of ladies. You'll make mistakes and feel like a complete douche without a doubt, just don't take it too seriously because it doesn't matter. Most girls will overlook any flaw if they like your vibe.

Hakisak's advice is good because it doesn't overcomplicate the issue. And yes, please get over 2D girls if that happens to be holding you back.

I used to be a complete social recluse until my senior year of HS when I started to actually hang out with my friends a bit outside of school. So far, my freshman year of college, I've made many friends but I didn't go to a party until around november. Now I go out all the time and I have noticed that it's not that big of a deal really. About a month ago, I was approached by a girl for the first time in my life. However, I just talked to her like she was a normal human being. Unfortunately, she left several minutes after we talked. I was approached by two girls (one was very good looking) two weeks ago at a party.

Now, I can easily make small talk and make girls laugh. I can't seem to get beyond this though. I have plenty of female friends, but that seems to be all I ever get. Everytime I talk to a girl I end up in the friendzone even though I'm confident and funny. I'm not the best looking guy (slowly working on this, got a good haircut this weekend, working on getting rid of the last remnants of my acne, losing some weight) but I'm not bad either. Maybe it's because I look much younger than I am. I'm short and have a baby face and girls always call me "cute" and want to hug me but unfortanetly I think it's the bad type of cute.

How can I escalate things beyond just a small chat? I really don't know what to say. I can literally talk with girls for hours on end but nothing ever goes beyond this. What do I start to say or do so things go beyond this? I mean I want to bring things to the next level with a girl, but I really have no clue what to do. Probably doesn't help that I never started trying till college, so I'm really confused on what to do. Do I ask them out on a regular date? But what about meeting a girl at a party, seems kind of weird to ask them out there? I'm just really confused, I honestly have no idea what to do. I know what I want but have no clue of how to get there.

[fanty]

Originally Posted by Trespur

How can I escalate things beyond just a small chat? I really don't know what to say.

I think one of the biggest mistakes some people make is that they think that there's something they need to say. But flirting isn't about talking. You can be talking about rainbows and bunnies but imply much more. Flirting is about body language! And that stuff's like... hard-wired into you!

Ah, always wanted to say this. I'm tired of seeing so many people on the internet not getting something so basic

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by Trespur

I used to be a complete social recluse until my senior year of HS when I started to actually hang out with my friends a bit outside of school. So far, my freshman year of college, I've made many friends but I didn't go to a party until around november. Now I go out all the time and I have noticed that it's not that big of a deal really. About a month ago, I was approached by a girl for the first time in my life. However, I just talked to her like she was a normal human being. Unfortunately, she left several minutes after we talked. I was approached by two girls (one was very good looking) two weeks ago at a party.

Now, I can easily make small talk and make girls laugh. I can't seem to get beyond this though. I have plenty of female friends, but that seems to be all I ever get. Everytime I talk to a girl I end up in the friendzone even though I'm confident and funny. I'm not the best looking guy (slowly working on this, got a good haircut this weekend, working on getting rid of the last remnants of my acne, losing some weight) but I'm not bad either. Maybe it's because I look much younger than I am. I'm short and have a baby face and girls always call me "cute" and want to hug me but unfortanetly I think it's the bad type of cute.

How can I escalate things beyond just a small chat? I really don't know what to say. I can literally talk with girls for hours on end but nothing ever goes beyond this. What do I start to say or do so things go beyond this? I mean I want to bring things to the next level with a girl, but I really have no clue what to do. Probably doesn't help that I never started trying till college, so I'm really confused on what to do. Do I ask them out on a regular date? But what about meeting a girl at a party, seems kind of weird to ask them out there? I'm just really confused, I honestly have no idea what to do. I know what I want but have no clue of how to get there.

To me it sounds like the only thing you're not doing is flirting. You have to make sure that, if you have the hots for a girl, you sort of make it evident at an early stage. By no means do you have to be all brazen about it, be subtle and give her a clue which direction you want things to go. Paying compliments and teasing generally work from my experience, at least to give me some basic things to keep in mind. Especially lighthearted teasing. As for what you can do, something which worked for me was to sit (or stand, if you're at a bar) very close to the girl. Talk to her for a while and move close. Literally get as close as you can and get some body contact going. Ask to see her hand and say how small it is or w/e, and rest your head on hers.

And yeah, you shouldn't ask a girl out at the party, you simply exchange numbers at the end of the party and call her later to organise a date later. Give her your number first of course, and then she should give you hers. You sound like a great guy so it's only a matter of time.

[Trespur]

Originally Posted by Kakashi

To me it sounds like the only thing you're not doing is flirting. You have to make sure that, if you have the hots for a girl, you sort of make it evident at an early stage. By no means do you have to be all brazen about it, be subtle and give her a clue which direction you want things to go. Paying compliments and teasing generally work from my experience, at least to give me some basic things to keep in mind. Especially lighthearted teasing. As for what you can do, something which worked for me was to sit (or stand, if you're at a bar) very close to the girl. Talk to her for a while and move close. Literally get as close as you can and get some body contact going. Ask to see her hand and say how small it is or w/e, and rest your head on hers.

And yeah, you shouldn't ask a girl out at the party, you simply exchange numbers at the end of the party and call her later to organise a date later. Give her your number first of course, and then she should give you hers. You sound like a great guy so it's only a matter of time.

I think I might just be a little uncomfortable with my body still. Hopefully once I lose some weight I can start making things a bit more physical. I have 0 experience with this (beyond dancing/grinding with girls) but I shouldn't let that hold me back, gotta start somewhere. I know I'll make mistakes but I can only learn if I make mistakes.

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by Kakashi

To me it sounds like the only thing you're not doing is flirting. You have to make sure that, if you have the hots for a girl, you sort of make it evident at an early stage. By no means do you have to be all brazen about it, be subtle and give her a clue which direction you want things to go. Paying compliments and teasing generally work from my experience, at least to give me some basic things to keep in mind. Especially lighthearted teasing. As for what you can do, something which worked for me was to sit (or stand, if you're at a bar) very close to the girl. Talk to her for a while and move close. Literally get as close as you can and get some body contact going. Ask to see her hand and say how small it is or w/e, and rest your head on hers.

The compliment one sounds really useful, I'll have to keep that one in mind. Getting close I'm a little less sure about. I worry it could scare the girl off.

Do you have any tips regarding the follow up phone call type stuff? I've never been that good on the phone.

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by Trespur

I think I might just be a little uncomfortable with my body still. Hopefully once I lose some weight I can start making things a bit more physical. I have 0 experience with this (beyond dancing/grinding with girls) but I shouldn't let that hold me back, gotta start somewhere. I know I'll make mistakes but I can only learn if I make mistakes.

Yeah, well obviously getting fit will do wonders for your confidence in that department. I've never been a gym type guy because I can never get motivated, but sport and swimming seemed to do the trick.

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

The compliment one sounds really useful, I'll have to keep that one in mind. Getting close I'm a little less sure about. I worry it could scare the girl off.

Aye, but it's not such an issue if you're both a little drunk, which is common at parties. Even without drink, towards the end of the evening people tend to get tired and therefore more relaxed, making it less likely the girl will get freaked out. Presumably you'd have been talking to the girl for a while, holding hands and leaning on eachother is 'noninvasive' so it's the most acceptable way to get closer to a girl for the first time. It's quite a sweet thing to do as well.

If you ever want to kiss a girl, play with her hair and say how soft her hair is, then lean in. Never fails.

Do you have any tips regarding the follow up phone call type stuff? I've never been that good on the phone.

What do you have trouble with? I'd call the girl a day or two after you get her number, and ask her if she wanted to go out some time. Have a time and place in mind in case she can't decide. If you have trouble getting the words out, text her. I did that.

[rio]

Originally Posted by Kakashi

Yeah, well obviously getting fit will do wonders for your confidence in that department. I've never been a gym type guy because I can never get motivated, but sport and swimming seemed to do the trick.



Aye, but it's not such an issue if you're both a little drunk, which is common at parties. Even without drink, towards the end of the evening people tend to get tired and therefore more relaxed, making it less likely the girl will get freaked out. Presumably you'd have been talking to the girl for a while, holding hands and leaning on eachother is 'noninvasive' so it's the most acceptable way to get closer to a girl for the first time. It's quite a sweet thing to do as well.

If you ever want to kiss a girl, play with her hair and say how soft her hair is, then lean in. Never fails.



What do you have trouble with? I'd call the girl a day or two after you get her number, and ask her if she wanted to go out some time. Have a time and place in mind in case she can't decide. If you have trouble getting the words out, text her. I did that.

y.. you are awesome.. especially the quotes
If you ever want to kiss a girl, play with her hair and say how soft her hair is, then lean in. Never fails.
and
Ask to see her hand and say how small it is or w/e, and rest your head on hers.




you are a very playboy, aren't you? or is it usual to do for boys ?

i haven't seen boys doing that in Japan.. maybe they are shy . They aren't good at praising girls .

i think praising girls to get a girlfriend is not so bad..if i were treated like that, i wouldn't feel bad (though if it seemed very intentionally or exaggerated, i would withdraw )but how will you keep that attitude to her in your relationship ?

i just wonder.. if you do that by your natural personality, it's good. But if you just pretend,and stop that when you are tired, that relationship wouldn't turn good , and as a result hurt her .


How do you think about it?

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by rio

y.. you are awesome.. especially the quotes
If you ever want to kiss a girl, play with her hair and say how soft her hair is, then lean in. Never fails.
and
Ask to see her hand and say how small it is or w/e, and rest your head on hers.




you are a very playboy, aren't you? or is it usual to do for boys ?

i haven't seen boys doing that in Japan.. maybe they are shy . They aren't good at praising girls .

The question is, would it be considered outrageous for a Japanese guy to try doing those things? I was under the impression that public displays of affection were less socially acceptable in Japan than in most western countries.

Originally Posted by Kakashi

What do you have trouble with? I'd call the girl a day or two after you get her number, and ask her if she wanted to go out some time. Have a time and place in mind in case she can't decide. If you have trouble getting the words out, text her. I did that.

I guess my apprehension has more to do with the idea of asking her out in general than with the phone call itself. I end up wondering "how am I supposed to make it worth her while to go out with me?" And on top of that, in at least one specific case I get the impression that the girl's parents keep a rather close eye on her...

[klowny]

I remember my first date very well because i made her pay for the pizza, so free meal!

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Mystique

*leaning on the wall, arms crossed continuing to observe this thread quietly*

Same here

But I have to reply to that:

Originally Posted by Kakashi

If you ever want to kiss a girl, play with her hair and say how soft her hair is, then lean in. Never fails.

False statement.

[rio]

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

The question is, would it be considered outrageous for a Japanese guy to try doing those things? I was under the impression that public displays of affection were less socially acceptable in Japan than in most western countries.

NO, not that. Japanese society is not so strict now, so people can show their affection in a casual situation. They try to get a girlfriend in public displays.
The men just don't like praising women even in casual scenes. i have rarely been praised by Japanese men, and most of the time that they praised me, they were really thinking so from bottom of the heart , and not having the intention to make me happy or whatever.

[xia]

Originally Posted by Kakashi

If you ever want to kiss a girl, play with her hair and say how soft her hair is, then lean in. Never fails.

Thats actually pretty smooth.

[Kusa-San]

Originally Posted by Kakashi

If you ever want to kiss a girl, play with her hair and say how soft her hair is, then lean in. Never fails.

You're serious when you said that

Originally Posted by Narona

False statement.

So true

Seriously i don't like at all people thinking like that. Each woman is unique don't make generality. I know many woman who don't like that and the truth is i will never do that to a woman. For me, it's not respect them.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

So true

Seriously i don't like at all people thinking like that. Each woman is unique don't make generality. I know many woman who don't like that and the truth is i will never do that to a woman. For me, it's not respect them.

How so? What I said is just to point that it doesn't "always" work, because as you said, each woman is different and can act very differently. But it's up to the woman to accept that approach or not. Kakashi didn't say to "force them" (even if I am not ok with the "being a little drunk part".)

A girl can, for example:

- Accept that type of approach and so, accept to be kissed.

- She can refuse. Not all the girls like to see a man touching their hair or wanting a kiss just after having met each other, or even just after a few rendez-vous. And not all the girl accept to share a kiss just because they received a compliment.

- Depending on the girl and what she thinks is right. If she doesn't like when someone touch her hair out of the blue, and/or if she doesn't like those who aim for a kiss just like that, she can go as far as kicking you in the balls. (I saw that kind of things happening)

etc etc.

There's not a thing that works for sure. And it's the same about what she will think of it, a girl can see that as totally normal, while another will just see that as a playboy/gigolo trick that she dislikes. And so will reject him.

[Kakashi]

I meant after going out with a girl at least a couple times, that technique has worked for me every time. I'm also making the assumption that people have enough common sense to discern the mood and act accordingly, as well as realising that it very much depends on the relationship dynamic. Most girls I've dated have shown interest in me beforehand, so it's easier to make that sort of move with that in mind. If you have no clue exactly how a girl feels about you, and it almost seems like an uphill battle for her approval, I would never be quite so bold.

Really, most people will know if the time is right for a kiss, it's just a matter of not being clumsy about it and ruining the moment. That's more what I meant by the 'never fails' part. Gets the job done and it's pretty smooth like xia said.

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

I guess my apprehension has more to do with the idea of asking her out in general than with the phone call itself. I end up wondering "how am I supposed to make it worth her while to go out with me?" And on top of that, in at least one specific case I get the impression that the girl's parents keep a rather close eye on her...

Because you're an awesome guy which any girl would be lucky to spend time with? Doesn't really matter if she wastes her time with you, think of it as a learning experience. My first date didn't go very well, however I learned how to make the next one better. That said, sometimes it's the not your fault at all. At times the girl can be unresponsive and weirdly cold without any clear reason (some are like that), in which case get the hell out of that relationship. Or it could turn out the two of you were never really compatible to begin with, not uncommon.

[incorrupts]

Originally Posted by Kakashi

I think you can read and memorize all the tips and tricks that go with dating, but they never really help much. As a guy, what helped me most was to dive straight in and get experience. It really is a simple matter of doing it.

What do girls look for in a guy? Who gives a shit. How can I get a girl to like me? You can't, you can only be yourself and believe that a girl will like that person. You say that, but a girl has never approached me or shown interest in me? That's because you don't give yourself the chance. Go to parties, or someplace with a crapload of ladies. You'll make mistakes and feel like a complete douche without a doubt, just don't take it too seriously because it doesn't matter. Most girls will overlook any flaw if they like your vibe.

Hakisak's advice is good because it doesn't overcomplicate the issue. And yes, please get over 2D girls if that happens to be holding you back.

This, so hard.

Originally Posted by Kusa-San

You're serious when you said that




So true

Seriously i don't like at all people thinking like that. Each woman is unique don't make generality. I know many woman who don't like that and the truth is i will never do that to a woman. For me, it's not respect them.

Touching a girl's hair, does not mean that a guy does not respect them. 8D
That can even go, to the friends-field too.
Not all of them might like it, that is true, but no way, it is not respect.
And i think Kakashi's "never fails" was more of a simple-cool-statement, not that literally "never fails". 8D

[Cinocard]

Originally Posted by Narona

Same here

But I have to reply to that:

False statement.

It depends an awfully lot on who is the girl, not ourselves or the actual mood. But at the end of parties, I often held their hands up, looked at it for seconds, face seemingly tired but with a gentle smile. Then put it down, held it tightly, not let go and looked away. Effect? They shivered every next time I held their hands.

Going directly for a kiss often sounds cool, but girls always digs it up and think "he did kiss me swiftly, didn't he? Why not with others girl?" When they are actually on the right track, it's a bother to us men

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Cinocard

It depends an awfully lot on who is the girl, not ourselves or the actual mood. But at the end of parties, I often held their hands up, looked at it for seconds, face seemingly tired but with a gentle smile. Then put it down, held it tightly, not let go and looked away. Effect? They shivered every next time I held their hands.

Going directly for a kiss often sounds cool, but girls always digs it up and think "he did kiss me swiftly, didn't he? Why not with others girl?" When they are actually on the right track, it's a bother to us men

As Kakashi said it, I guess that you're talking about girls who are willing to have physical contact (in that case, to let their hands being hold by you) and so have an interest in you. But trying something like that with a girl that you just met might not work at all

Well, it's not about being on the right track For some girls (not all, but I am talking about a certain category), they want sincerity. In that case, a kiss is seen as something important, while some men just do that on purpose, while they are not in love at all, and just want to have some fun with a girl.

Xris deleted a post while I was about to reply to it, but I guess I am in the category of girls who dislike (a lot) the men who just try to score. Sometimes, it feels as if people talk about "tricks" to get a girl. It feels like it's not about making said girl to fall in love because the man loves her, it feels as if it was "how can I *trick* a girl to get in her bed".