A Laugh A Day

[Jinto]

Originally Posted by EarlyBlake

How not to land an airplane:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueJeC...&feature=bz301

It's not LOL funny, but kind of funny. Anyone know enough German to catch what the photographers are saying?

Here is the background story. (I heard the pilot claimed there were crosswind gust of 155mp/h|250km/h)

So what were the guys saying:

P1: Oh.
P2: Boah.
P2: It nearly...
P1: Have you seen this?
P2: It nearly tanked.
P1: *wind gust noise* ... think they should close this runway soon.
P2: I think so too.
P1: Imo the wing scraped ground, or not?
P2: Well, I think so.
P1: I have looked there, and it was very close... *wind gust*

[NightWish]

Originally Posted by EarlyBlake

How not to land an airplane

More like "How not to crash an aircraft". Not so appropriate for this thread . I guess I found it interesting enough to comment though...

Originally Posted by Utter_iMADNESS

That's a pretty good recovery considering the crosswinds that they had to battle.

Indeed. Like the article that Jinto posted says, "The pilots reacted outstandingly". It was more impressive than funny, more "awe" than "laugh" inspiring.

[Zaku Hyuga]

Here's a funny video from youtube

[cnnydz]

some excellent exam answers

Spoiler for answers:

and essays

Spoiler for essay:

Spoiler for US2 lol:

[Goshin]

Originally Posted by cnnydz

some excellent exam answers

Spoiler for answers:

and essays

Spoiler for essay:

Spoiler for US2 lol:

Wow either he was very stupid or had a lot balls. I remember back in 9th grade biology, I had classmadte who was so dumb and did not care that when multiple choice test came and he had no one to cheat off (me ) he would just start from the top and write down the alaphabet, if there was more than 26 questions he would start over.

personally I've been tempted to draw a design on scantron tests but haven't found any test meaningless enaugh to do it.

that just reminds me that biology teacher was preety dumb to, one day every one cheated off me and got all the same exact anwers. the teacher said he "suspected" us of cheating but let us keep our grades anyways

[Pendevous]

Spoiler for lame joke number 1:

Things to say at work when you're stressed:

"Okay, okay! I take it back. Unscrew you"

"You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing"

"Well this day was a total waste of make-up"

"Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"

"Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."

"Do I look like a people person?"

"This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting"

"I started out with nothing and still have most of it left"

"Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose"

"Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?"

"I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."

"Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."

"Do they ever shut up on your planet?"

"I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"

"Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet"

"Back off!! You're standing in my aura."

"Don't worry. I forgot your name too."

"I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."

"Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."

"Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"

"Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done."

"Ambivalent? Well yes and no."

"You look like shit. Is that the style now?"

"Earth is full. Go home."

"Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"

"I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."

"A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."

"You are depriving some village of an idiot."

"If assholes could fly, this place would be a freaking airport."

Spoiler for Lame joke number 2:

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs , "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum , "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work...

The 'asshole' is usually in charge!

[w00tness]

Originally Posted by cnnydz

some excellent exam answers

Spoiler for answers:

and essays

Spoiler for essay:

Spoiler for US2 lol:

I loled.

I cant believe the teacher actually bothered to correct his mistakes in the second paper.

[gabbytay]

Originally Posted by cnnydz

some excellent exam answers

Spoiler for answers:

and essays

Spoiler for essay:

Spoiler for US2 lol:

I want see moar! cookies for you

[technomo12]

LOLS haha nice one

[[DOT].L]

I didn't know there are still people who haven't read those papers. They were pretty popular back in the days when they first appeared.

For more essays of this nature, google "jeremy lavine" and "peter nguyen." (personally, I prefer Lavine's essay on lightning)

On another note, this is why people should never attempt to replicate fighting game moves in real life.

[Aoie_Emesai]

Originally Posted by [DOT].L

I didn't know there are still people who haven't read those papers. They were pretty popular back in the days when they first appeared.

For more essays of this nature, google "jeremy lavine" and "peter nguyen." (personally, I prefer Lavine's essay on lightning)

On another note, this is why people should never attempt to replicate fighting game moves in real life.

Put out the fire! ^^

[cicido]

Somewhat related to failing essays

Spoiler for picture:

[koffy]

Originally Posted by [DOT].L

On another note, this is why people should never attempt to replicate fighting game moves in real life.

Haha replicate fighting game moves is cool

Spoiler for an other kof cosplay:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=if3-sKXVv_A

lol

[onehp]

Titty and Co

Clothing for women

[Kang Seung Jae]

A joke in the Korean military:

Q: What happens when a ROKMC(Republic of Korea Marine Corps) and a ROKASWC(Republic of Korea Army Special Warfare Command) soldier meet in an alley?



A: The area around them explodes from the machoness.

[Zaku Hyuga]

Originally Posted by kayos

^ Ironic that the one in the camo uniform has sparkling boots while the one in dress uniform seem to be wearing dusty shoes (or boots, can't tell).

Anyway for my laugh of the day, if you're familiar with the song "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor then you'll find the spoiler amusing, it's a parody of it.

Spoiler for I Won't Revise:

At first I was afraid, I was petrified!
Kept thinking I could never pass with no revision guide,
But then I spent so many nights, getting all the questions wrong,
And I grew strong,
And I learned I could scrape along,

I won't look back, to any place,
When I can swallow 15 cans and get completely off my face,
I would have revised by the clock,
I would have had no spare time free,
If I'd thought for just one second my exams would bother me,

So all my notes, are on the floor,
Don't even matter... that there's no rock night anymore...
Weren't you the one,
Who tried to get me to revise?
You think I'd crumble? You think I'd work towards the skies?

Oh no, not I!
I won't revise! Unless I die of beer stains, I know I'll stay alive,
Though my money's at an end,
I've my overdraft to spend,
I won't revise,
I won't revise!

It took all the strength I had, not to act the part,
But in the end my real revision didn't even start.
I used to sit at home at night, feeling guilty to myself,
I used to try,
But now I hold my head up high,

And you see me! Somebody new!
I'm not that mixed up weird bloke who wants a good 2:2
So if you feel like dropping in, chances are that I'll be free,
Coz I've done sod all revision, and I'm failing my degree,

Oh no, not I!
I won't revise,
I think that I may scrape a third, but I could be telling lies!
Let the lecturers all storm,
My bed's far too nice and warm,
I won't revise,
I won't revise,
oh dear!

That's hilarious. I sang it along with the beat in my head and it just made it funnier. cookies for you!

[technomo12]

hmm i dino if i would laugh or be in a questionstare about that pics

[~Chakra-Chan~]

I´m not sure, if this is the perfect place, but it´s something to laugh about ^^

Have a look at this short video please ^^

Boot to the head

[mist2123]

Reposting from another forum

Spoiler for spoiler:

1. Calling into customer support and waiting on hold for 40 minutes and the hold music is Marilyn Manson!
2. You ask for RoR (Ruby on Rails) and the tech on the phone assures you he can provide that and yells “RWAAAAR”
3. Your hosting company just got bought out by a web hosting company you just transferred away from.
4. They claim to be a member of the BBB but later you find out their BBB is The Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar.
5. You call in tech support and a gentleman on the other line says “Sir did you upload your website?” .. and you’re a woman
6. You sign up for domain privacy and later do a WHOIS and see your credit card information and SS number. “I was told I would get domain privacy, you incompetent twits!” “Miss we thought you requested domain piracy!" .. and you’re a man.
7. You ask the tech if he has a TOS and he says yes. You later find out he meant totally offensive smells and your site has been suspended unexpectedly, you have no leg to stand on and the tech’s response is “Oh THAT TOS!”
8. The same tech who told you he has backups on your pre sales call turns out to be a wannabee singer and his “backups” are his 12 year old twin sisters who “doowup” when he busts a move in the bathroom.
9. You ask him how big his file size limit is and he responds “That’s kinda personal.. but what I can tell you is I leave the ladies smiling”.
10. The same tech (let’s call him Hubert since there’s a whole theme happening here) answers yes to your questions regarding shared server offerings. You later find out that Hubert is a very giving and generous guy and he “shares” your server space, bandwidth allocation and resources with all the clients hosting on the same server as you… along with your personal information and email address!
11. When you ask Hubert how long they have been in business his response of 15 years reassures you that they are a legit and solid company. When you phone in to challenge this as their whois says 2006 he replies “Ohhhh I thought we were talking DOG years!”
12. The server goes down the second a big marketing campaign goes out. NOOOOOO!!!
13. Calling into support to ask a question and the rep cannot find your account because somehow it got deleted OOPS!
14. Your host asks you to verify your account by repeating your password over the phone. Every time you say it, you hear a stifled giggle and they say “I’m sorry sir can you please repeat that?”
Your password is IamTheBe$tLOVER
... and you're a woman.
15. Your web host has automated support. After 23 minutes of keying in your SS number, last 6 digits of your credit card and your domain name (37 characters) you finally speak with a real person who requests the SAME information AGAIN!
16. After canceling your hosting account you are continually getting billed but now for 2 dedicated servers instead of your $100 a year hosting account. WTF?!
17. After 36 straight hours of working on your new sites web design and meticulously putting every image in its place you find out that your server crashed and there is no backup. NOOOOOOO!!!
18. Getting a deal on your first year and then having to renew at a more expensive price.
19. You have never been on the internet before and you decide to buy a hosting account and setup an email account through them. Within 20 minutes you already have spam!!!!!
20. Your host experiences power failure and they have no backup generators!
21. When you call your hosting company and ask why your servers went down. They respond with “No they didn’t. It must be a propagation issue or something with your ISP”. TRICKY WEB HOSTY!!!
22. You call support because your site is down and they say “We are going through an upgrade”. That works once but when it happens every week sporadically during the middle of the day and they keep saying “it’s an update to help better serve you” SUUUUCKS!!!!
23. Your hosting company has a problem with spam and the filter is up so high that no mail is getting through but when you are in a meeting and check your mail all there is in your inbox is porn spam and everyone is looking at you like you’re a sicko.
24. Every time you go to your website it’s down but when other people go to it, it’s fine. Sometimes you will sit your friend down at his computer and you at yours and you phone conference each other to see if it comes up and it does for him but not for you. You decide to go to his house and he to yours and see if it’s just your home computer but wherever you go your website will not be displayed. SUCKYVOODOONESS!!!
25. You call your web host support team because something is wrong with your site and they tell you that a widget 2.0 socket 5 cloud storm hit their data center and that’s why a page got deleted. IDIOT SUCKFEST!!
26. After many attempts of being patient with your web hosting customer support techs inability to fix any problem you get frustrated and a little upset. Later that day you find the following things wrong with your site.
• Your real estate site is unexpectedly not selling real estate anymore. You are selling liquor stores now.
• You just put up a very professional picture of yourself on your site and the next thing you know someone photo shopped your photo with a mustache, a black eye and teeth missing.
27. When you bought your website and domain name through a sales rep at your first hosting company the hosting company used the CEO’s name to register your domain name. Now you want to leave but they own your domain name. TRICKY WEB HOSTY!!!
28. You bought a hosting account through a template hosting agency because you don’t know html and their backend admin area looks cool. After you purchase this you find out that they don’t support their templates! GREAT that's awesome good work!!!
29. You are talking to smooth salesman Timmy over at a hosting company and he promises you 4 add-on’s, forum management, bulletin management, Free email marketing and a 200 Google adwords credit. After you sign up for their premier account for 5 grand a year you notice that the freebies are not included in your package. You call back for Timmy but no one knows who Timmy is and a “Timmy” has not worked for them EVER!
30. You do not have log files!
31. Your log files are never accurate.
32. You started a lead generation site where people fill out forms for products/servers/newsletters and in return you get there email addresses. Someone decides to give your site a virus and take over your mailing list and your web host cannot do anything about it.
33. Your built in traffic stats never work.
34. Your built in traffic stats are always off.
35. You purchase a large hosting account with a lot of extras but when you need small things done you are nickeled and dimed till you are broke.
36. Your hosting company charges you to park domains.
37. You buy a hosting account with a ton of space but cannot put up multiple sites on it.
38. The only way you can put up multiple sites on your account is via your .htaccess file but you have no freaking clue how to do that and your web host does not support that. GREAT that’s awesome good work!!!!
39. You actually love your hosting company because it’s a smaller no name company but the service is great. You tell all of your 5 friends to join and they do and their servers are overloaded. SUUUCKS!!!
40. You sign up for a web host by doing a Google search and after you sign up you call their support line but find out they are a foreign hosting company in Germany and all there support techs speak German. Foreign SUCKY!!!
41. You sign up with your web host but you get only 1 KB disk space.
42. Your web hosting company is in charge of sending you notification on domain name expiration but you never get yours. Your domain expires.
43. A cyber squatter picked up your domain name and is holding it hostage. You find out it’s the guy from your web hosting companies support team who you previously screamed at and called a stupid moron.
44. You utilize some free web hosting service(not InfernoHost :P) but they place porn and warez ads all over your page, and everybody says you're a sicko.
45. Your hosting company has backup servers but they are in the same geographical location so when the power goes off the original servers go down AND the back up’s go down.
46. Your hosting company cannot automate its billing an invoices and its all done by hand. Sadly, the accounts guy was recently paralyzed in a freak server accident and types by blowing into a straw.
47. Your web host goes “down” for 24 hour periods at a time.
48. Your user control panel consists of 2 options. On and Off!
49. You forgot to check “(web hosting name here) sucks” in Google before you bought your hosting account and to your surprise there was over 1,000,000 pages indexed for that “company sucks”. DAAAAMN!!!
50. They offer SSH on shared servers and your site is constantly OWNED by 12 year old hackers.
51. They advertise domains for under $2 but when you complete the purchase your charge says $98? WTF?!
52. You request support and they advise you support costs extra!
53. You request a CPanel them change and they escalate your request to a System Admin!
54. They don’t tell the truth. They claim a lot of services that when you host with them, you find out they don’t offer. Like bandwidth, they’ll claim to provide x amount of bandwidth, then you find out they have a daily cap for using it and when you multiply the daily cap x 30 or 31, it is about 1/10 the size of the bandwidth they claim to provide monthly.
55. canceling - they’ll claim they let you cancel anytime within the contract, but it turns out you can’t ever get a refund (you have to write a letter in your own blood to prove you are who you say you are, then send it to their office in Nome, Alaska that reads mail only once a year during the famous dog sled race). Of course, when you complain about these points, they point you to their TOS where it spells out the whole Nome and dog sled stuff, although it doesn’t mention the writing the letter in your own blood (the person on the phone just made that up to be funny). MOOOOOOORONS!!!
56. When immediately after you sign up with them, they offer this great deal on more space/bandwidth/whatever…but you can’t get it because you are already a customer.
57. EVERYTHING is an extra charge, and you feel like you are getting nickled and dimed to death.
58. You get treated like you just won the “Imbecile/Idiot/Moron of the Year” award.
59. They pretend to help but can’t speak English….only geekspeak. And they refuse to repeat or explain any further.
60. Their support system is just a 12-year old kid!!!

Some were totally changed for humorous effect.

[onehp]

Boot to the head

ice cream flavored boot-to-the-head for all but not to the lawyer.