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Old 2010-08-24, 03:14   Link #26701
vic-vic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
So between my other stuff, I did manage to squeeze this one out, if only because I wanted to get some dark thoughts out of my head. Yes, this fic has some dark twists pertaining to Hayate's past. No, deathcurse hasn't cornered the market on giving Hayate a hard time Wasn't quite sure where I was gonna take this idea, but it managed to drag me along instead

Spoiler for Behind the Smile:


Spoiler for notes:
Poor Hayate has a tough time in her childhood. And her primary love interest love her best friend.

Good piece of angst 00-Raiser.
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Old 2010-08-24, 07:34   Link #26702
Moczo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
...

I'm calling this part 10.

Spoiler for Changes PT 10:


Hooray for screwing with canon!
Heh... I begin to wonder if maybe Chrono and Yuuno weren't cut from the canon cast so as to avoid them someday making the situation worse like they did right here? Depending on how Alicia actually plans to use the Jewel Seeds, it's possible things just got really bad...

Unless the story ends with her successfully healing Precia, then everyone goes out for tea and cookies and Nanoha invites Fate to her birthday party. Hooray!
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Old 2010-08-24, 09:34   Link #26703
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Originally Posted by Moczo View Post
Unless the story ends with her successfully healing Precia, then everyone goes out for tea and cookies and Nanoha invites Fate to her birthday party. Hooray!
This is Nanoha. Befriending must be involved at some point. And when befriending is involved, it must include huge bright pink laser beams of DOOM friendship.
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Old 2010-08-24, 10:56   Link #26704
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Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
Hm, interesting... Though I admit I'd like to have seen what would happen if they refused to give up a Jewel Seed and Yuuno got taken back as a hostage until they changed their minds. Having Yuuno hang out with the Testarossa family would be fun

Oh well, let's see what Alicia will do now.
To be honest, I never thought about that.
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Old 2010-08-24, 10:59   Link #26705
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shiroi mahotsukai View Post
I was just wondering who could play that role, shame we've got no one to stare at him from behind corners. Or maybe we could have a chain of yandere stalkers all the way down the road.
Isn't it obvious? Caro asked about Yuuno once, so she was curious about him.

So we have Fate-tan on Nanoha's head, being stalked by Yuuno, who'se being stalked by Caro, who is being stalked by Erio, who is being stalked by Lutecia, who is being stalked by Vivio....

And I ran out of vaguely loose connections. =(
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Old 2010-08-24, 11:12   Link #26706
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Spoiler for Changes PT 11:


I got more coming, but I thought this would be a good point to stop at.
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Old 2010-08-24, 11:13   Link #26707
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Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Isn't it obvious? Caro asked about Yuuno once, so she was curious about him.

So we have Fate-tan on Nanoha's head, being stalked by Yuuno, who'se being stalked by Caro, who is being stalked by Erio, who is being stalked by Lutecia, who is being stalked by Vivio....

And I ran out of vaguely loose connections. =(
Well, obviously, Zafira's stalking Vivio, Otto's stalking Zafira, Deed's stalking Otto, Wendi's stalking Deed, since it looks fun, Nove's stalking after Wendi and Sein just wants to grope all the boobies.
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Old 2010-08-24, 11:33   Link #26708
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Well, obviously, Zafira's stalking Vivio, Otto's stalking Zafira, Deed's stalking Otto, Wendi's stalking Deed, since it looks fun, Nove's stalking after Wendi and Sein just wants to grope all the boobies.
That's one way. Although I missed the obvious in my list.

Einhart stalking Vivio, who is stalked by Nove... who is being stalked by Subaru, who is being stalked by Teana, who is being stalked by Sein or Hayate who just want to grope everyone...

Okay, I think I'm going too far off track...
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Old 2010-08-24, 12:09   Link #26709
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Spoiler for Changes PT 11:


I got more coming, but I thought this would be a good point to stop at.
... It would feel silly to just leave 'awwwwwwwwwwwwwww' as a review again, although this merits it.

My word Precia is a bitch, though. I mean, that's not anything new, it's just... well, damn.
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Old 2010-08-24, 12:32   Link #26710
vic-vic
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Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Spoiler for Changes PT 11:


I got more coming, but I thought this would be a good point to stop at.
So cute

Hm, Precia just like in canon a little too obessed with Alicia.
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Old 2010-08-24, 12:33   Link #26711
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Originally Posted by Megaolix View Post
Great, now I feel depressed (which also mean you did a great job with the mood of this). Going to read some happy stories now to counter this.
Well, I did try to have a positive turn at the end Wanted to give the feeling of "It's all looking bright from here!"

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Originally Posted by Yasanagi View Post
Raiser: Nice to see that you took some risks there with your take on her background. Thanks for sharing.
You're welcome

Quote:
Originally Posted by deathcurse View Post
Er, nice to see that I'm inspiring more Hayate darkfics! More seriously, this is pretty grim, but keeping out of the melodramatic angst territory .

Hayate's mental thoughts were written really well, still keeping her relatively determined and optimistic while adding that more serious, grimmer side to her.

I loved the ending, it was humourous and very in character. It does let this potentially very emotionally downer story become more optimistic at the end ^^.
Glad you liked it Yeah, I like to have optimistic endings, especially with my angst pieces. I think angst is only effective when the character works to over come it in the end.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiresias View Post
Spoiler for comment:
Hehe, well I wasn't sure if I should add the Hayate/Yuuno angle cuz it felt like just me being a fanboy that could have spoiled the piece. But as I went on the story was basically begging me to take it into that direction, so I did I remember how deathcurse was saying that Yuuno was that safe guy the girls could lean on, and I figured that after what Hayate's been through, she really needed a safe guy. I recalled how it worked in Bitter Virgin so I took some elements from that too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tempy View Post
Suddenly, Alicia decides that she really likes this guy. Too bad he's too young.
Alicia: ... But he'd make the perfect son-in-law!



Quote:
Originally Posted by vic-vic View Post
Poor Hayate has a tough time in her childhood. And her primary love interest love her best friend.

Good piece of angst 00-Raiser.
Thanks! I'm glad the fic went over so well

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Spoiler for Changes PT 11:


I got more coming, but I thought this would be a good point to stop at.
Situation resolved!

OR IS IT?!

Somehow I can see Precia not liking this so she resists and then suddenly BOSS FIGHT!
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Old 2010-08-24, 12:36   Link #26712
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Well, Raiser, read and find out...

Spoiler for Changes PT 12:
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Old 2010-08-24, 12:54   Link #26713
ninryu
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Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Well, Raiser, read and find out...

Spoiler for Changes PT 12:
oo, things starting to get off canon. I wonder how it will go on?
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Old 2010-08-24, 12:56   Link #26714
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Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Well, Raiser, read and find out...

Spoiler for Changes PT 12:
Yuuno with the cool down hug FTW!

And suddenly, another plot line opens! Where will this series go now?
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Old 2010-08-24, 13:02   Link #26715
shiroi mahotsukai
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Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Well, Raiser, read and find out...

Spoiler for Changes PT 12:
Another great chapter Nanya, for some reason i just can't seem to understand that brought the image of a certain spikey haired pharoh repeatedly shouting "MONSUTA KADO" to burn itself in my mind. And now we have another question left to answer, why did Nanoha go beserk.
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Old 2010-08-24, 13:04   Link #26716
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Originally Posted by shiroi mahotsukai
why did Nanoha go beserk.
Maybe it's a sore spot for her because of her own family issues?
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Old 2010-08-24, 13:26   Link #26717
ninryu
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Maybe it's a sore spot for her because of her own family issues?
I have a feeling Nanoha's past is little different in this story.
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Old 2010-08-24, 14:52   Link #26718
Alavon
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Originally Posted by Nanya01 View Post
Well, Raiser, read and find out...

Spoiler for Changes PT 12:


Wonderful, just wonderful. You kept to canon a bit but was able to perfectly veer of course that didn't obstruct the story. A whole new chapter just opened up! Now I wanna know why Nanoha went berserk.,,
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Old 2010-08-25, 08:39   Link #26719
Argent Solbright
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Originally Posted by 00-Raiser View Post
So between my other stuff, I did manage to squeeze this one out, if only because I wanted to get some dark thoughts out of my head. Yes, this fic has some dark twists pertaining to Hayate's past. No, deathcurse hasn't cornered the market on giving Hayate a hard time Wasn't quite sure where I was gonna take this idea, but it managed to drag me along instead

Spoiler for Behind the Smile:


Spoiler for notes:
Delurking to tell you that is the best piece I've seen from you so far (I didn't read everything you write but I think I did at least took a glimpse on almost all of your nanoha fics right from the first ones.) You know, I actually like that particular story a bit. Odd, heh?

Now, speaking about Hayate, I forgot the title but where is the continuation for that other HayatexYuuno story?
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Old 2010-08-25, 12:27   Link #26720
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Spoiler for Changes PT 13:


13 is bad luck after all.

Page claim for 1337-ness.
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