2008-07-27, 23:45 | Link #3041 | |||
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
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I see a few things here that could use some refining.
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BTW, I heard that electroshock therapy is a possible cure for concussion-induced memory loss. |
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2008-07-28, 01:10 | Link #3042 |
~ I Do ~
Author
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the XV-8A Spartan "00"
Age: 38
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^^ Which is why I felt Chao had some role in it, or some future villain intent on capitalizing on a confused princess.
And I seem to only finish things in the middle of a lecture. Hope you don't mind me borrowing the format Keroko: Spoiler for Aun'la'Kouya:
Like I said, this is a prototype, and room change is there. I dropped Kotarou being a half-brother, but the "animosity" then arises from how he's a lucky hanyou. Another old Tau Wolves Khrack was having bird demon auxiliaries... Setsuna would feel so at home. <.< Vis Decretum means Nature's Decree.
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Last edited by Kha; 2008-07-28 at 04:08. |
2008-07-28, 03:14 | Link #3043 | |||||||||||||||||
Adeptus Animus
Author
Join Date: Jan 2007
Age: 36
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When Khrack strikes, it strikes hard.
This lovely image raised no small amount of Keroko khrack (yes, there is a sentoukijin Keroko in the Nanohaverse) red hair, black outfit with red lines, and a red gem? Yup, mucho Khrackos. Which is why I want a profile. I can see KerokoXKha happening, but I don't know enough about Kouya to decide whether I can see this happening. Quote:
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Commedy dictated that one. Assured, technically. But both of them share the same latin word (which makes sense, since they virtually mean the same thing). Quote:
Asuna is my second-favourite character, and my favourite 'currently still in the story' character. You do the math. Quote:
When I get down to writing them, sure. Sounds good. Quote:
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You could always create one. Quote:
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Thanks for taking the time to point them out. Quote:
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I was actually trying to prevent any doomsday scenarios, and make it seem something casual. But perhaps this can work, if Keroko spotted a mage doing his or her job, they'd erase her memories about magic, and concidering Keroko's life has been around magic since birth, that'd mean a lot of memories would be removed. If they used an automatic spell (or rather, a spell that is given a single command, basically saying 'remove all memories about magic') that could explain why they didn't dig through her memory. Quote:
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Yuuno mental image does not compute though. |
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2008-07-28, 03:59 | Link #3044 |
RUN, YOU FOOLS!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Formerly Iwakawa base and Chaldea. Now Teyvat, the Astral Express & the Outpost
Age: 44
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Heroic fantasy I'd recommend:
Manga/Anime: Record of Lodoss War OAV Berserk (manga and anime). It may worth the read or the watch for Goose, especially the Band of the Hawks arc that is about a mercenary company. Scrapped Princess Books: Conan the Barbarian Hawkmoon by Michael Moorcock Elric by Michael Moorcock |
2008-07-28, 04:20 | Link #3045 | |||||
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Furthermore, hauling her from Kyoto, where they found her, to Mahora, removes any possibilities of finding clues to her identity in Kyoto. You need another reason for them to consider that as being acceptable. Are you sure it wouldn't be better if she was a student at Mahora right from the start? Quote:
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So here you have Negi alone with an amnesiac girl he knows nothing about and along comes a demon to attack them. What would Negi likely do? A. Shove the girl aside and try "not to get her involved" B. Pactio with her and work to defeat the demon. It is possible to get B, but remember to close off all other alternatives first. Come to think of it, you also need a reason why any of the girls would allow Negi to be alone with this stranger. Even with Chamo along. Quote:
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Last edited by Jimmy C; 2008-07-28 at 04:44. |
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2008-07-28, 04:26 | Link #3046 | ||||||||
~ I Do ~
Author
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the XV-8A Spartan "00"
Age: 38
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But I can see that happening. Quote:
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No either. I dropped it in the end. I... see... Quote:
It lured me to go Shiro heavy. To my detriment. Quote:
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...to be honest I can't see Kouya X Keroko from this version. I keep trying to change it, but unless I completely abandon the original character template which was built around Nodoka, it WAS hard. Now the only problem is, should I drop the original template then go fully into this? I've already dropped so many things off of Kouya, I can change some more! Only thing is whether is it right to do so.
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2008-07-28, 05:28 | Link #3047 | ||||||
Adeptus Animus
Author
Join Date: Jan 2007
Age: 36
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And Nove is a red-haired, stuborn, temperamental girl to boot. Quote:
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2008-07-28, 05:43 | Link #3048 | |
OC Belka Scriptor
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Germany
Age: 40
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But yeah in german 'Shadow Man' is 'Schattenmann' (with two n.). Btw: 'Treasure Man' in german would be 'Schatzmann'. Oh and what I wanted to ask: Keroko? Your sig! Do you have the full picture? ^^
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Last edited by Kyral; 2008-07-28 at 07:52. |
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2008-07-28, 06:13 | Link #3050 | ||||
~ I Do ~
Author
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the XV-8A Spartan "00"
Age: 38
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The core of all Kerokos. Quote:
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Well, maybe not Chao, but I like Chao for the wrong reason, ie, the sheer amount of Khrack circling around her. Like the one that Aaron is wishing me to die for. Anyway the relative ranks are part of the reason for my little craziness for this KxK ship in Negiha... And... I got another brainwave! However, its a little cheap... Like... Someone from TSAB comes looking for his lost partner kind of cheap. And... mind if I have a peek at that pic as well...?
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2008-07-28, 06:21 | Link #3051 | |||
Adeptus Animus
Author
Join Date: Jan 2007
Age: 36
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Possible somewhat off-topic, but a newsflash just came in.
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[Khrack]So what if Nove's original was, in fact, this sentoukijin Keroko? Her temperament would have been inherited from the original, which was a fast moving Belkan using combat mage.[/khrack] Utilizing the dropped Hikaru concept for the new Sentoukijin Keroko. Brainwaves are awesome. Quote:
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Lost partner? Keroko was supposed to be there, remember? She's on an undercover mission. Last edited by Keroko; 2008-07-28 at 07:36. |
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2008-07-28, 06:47 | Link #3052 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Not with completely no background. For every one of those "mysterious new students" I'm sure at least one teacher knows their past and vouched for them or are watching over them. Still, give them a convincing "normal" background, and the faculty should buy it.
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It just occurred to me that, if you established her cover well enough and if she had "lived" it long enough, she might not even realise she's missing a huge chunk of her memories! I just realised that you can't have Keroko be on a "routine" undercover mission from the TSAB. Such missions would have regular schedules for making contact. Without her memories, she'd be out of contact for over a year. Then, they'd definitely send someone to find out what happened to her. |
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2008-07-28, 06:58 | Link #3053 | |||
Adeptus Animus
Author
Join Date: Jan 2007
Age: 36
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2008-07-28, 07:02 | Link #3054 | ||||
~ I Do ~
Author
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the XV-8A Spartan "00"
Age: 38
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Yes for new CCs to play with for the Licht von Belka. YES for Erio x Caro. SUPER YES for free hair Teana. NOOOOOOOOO for another season; StrikeR2 just died. T_T Keroko can become a classmate easily. Kouya'd... has to disguise himself as a puppy or a trap. Quote:
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Let's say Kouya's a mage already in the TSAB, and were old buddies with Keroko, went to same academy, stuff like that. Maybe Kouya has a one-sided affection but never had the guts to open his mouth. Then Keroko's latest mission goes to hell, and he hears of it. TSA big shots think spending resources to recover 1 recon mage isn't worth it, and so Kouya goes around knocking on doors, until Lindy and Chrono answer, and agree to help him. The wrangling process takes a while, so in the meantime Keroko has all those adventures happening on Earth, learning more about herself than she ever knew. Kouya with a small team arrive some time after Mahorafest, meets up with Keroko, but she completely does not remember anything of him, and does not wish to leave Mahora. A misunderstanding ensues, and Negi jumps to her aide, mage fight erupts, things calm down... But Keroko remains adamant. Faced with that, Kouya stays behind and agrees to take over Keroko's mission. Things progress from there... ...any conflict? But it's horribly cheap, since I feel like I'm taking advantage of an amnesiac person. >< EDIT: New info on the Nanoha movie.
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2008-07-28, 07:08 | Link #3055 | |
Sword Wielding Penguin
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Burnt smell? Hmm.. Too contrived. If you have to jump through too many Special Plot Induced Stupidity hoops to make it work, your approach is wrong in the first place. |
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2008-07-28, 07:21 | Link #3057 | |||
Adeptus Animus
Author
Join Date: Jan 2007
Age: 36
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Hmm, a small problem I ran into, Keroko is not wielding any form of Device in the builds we have so far. Devices are a pretty core part of Nanohaverse, so having Keroko not using one feels... somewhat empty. Now, this is no real problem, but when I went thinking what kind of Device she would wield, my mind made a screeching halt at an old and abandoned idea.
Fate's sword-chucks Riot Blades. This would mean a complete revise on her pactio, most likely reverting back to the Relic one, but its something that's quite relevant to the Nanoha part of the fusion. Quote:
Or perhaps I can throw Uomo through another Rebuilt, this time making both name and gender suffer as well. Decisions decisions decisions. Quote:
I... see... Quote:
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2008-07-28, 07:42 | Link #3058 |
Sword Wielding Penguin
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Contrivances, tend to be points of plot that seem so reliant on a diceroll, that they are just unbelievable.
If you have too many events that couldn't happen easier that they seem to almost require the luck of a millionaire gambler to come to reality, your entire approach may actually be flawed because the believability suffers extensively. With the sheer number of coincidences or Plot Induced Stupidity in some places, you can cripple the story trying to keep all the simple answers from resolving the problem so you can have the drama of the complicated one, and thus you fight with Occam's Razor itself. Now, I've been skimming silently, getting bits and pieces here and there of the Negima crossover plotting that's been going on... and I can't help but feel that in attempting to drive the two universes together, attempts to do so are simply becoming far too determined. Especially when the whole Amnesia thing came about. The Amnesia in itself is a Plot Contrivance and a cliche, and I noted almost immediately when it was challenged, you had to come up with an excuse, or rather, more contrivances in order to make it function, and to make those function, even more unlikely events. Things really start to look contrived when official members of a buraucracy decide under a sudden bout of plot induced stupidity, that someone whom they pay to perform a risky job (Undercover work is not a joke), and have to Insure and Invest resources and money in for training, materials, and mission planning, suddenly isn't worth the resource value to send a search and rescue party. I don't know about your personal world, but trained and experienced operatives are not 'cheap'. And we know Buraucracies love their Bottom Line. As the contrivances stack, the collective jaws of the people reading start to drop... I suggest you start investigating your villainy to see how the contivances can be weaved together into a deliberate plot. (And I mean more than simply throwing Chao Lingshen at it and calling it an excuse.) If you can't find a plausable way to seal the plot up that way, step back and observe just how believable things are. You'd be surprised how much gambling you're doing. I'd much rather prefer events that don't make me feel like I walked into the Magical Girl Lyrical Casino. |
2008-07-28, 07:52 | Link #3059 | |||
Adeptus Animus
Author
Join Date: Jan 2007
Age: 36
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2008-07-28, 07:58 | Link #3060 |
Sword Wielding Penguin
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The main point though is. How may plot relevant events take place that involve more or less a roll of the dice to come to pass?
I'm not saying you can't get around it. I'm simply warning that if you start using diceroll events to justify or set up diceroll events so your plot can roll how you want it, you're stacking contrivances and going nowhere fast. (Just like NASCAR.) And at that point, your approach to the execution of the plot may need to be worked on. PAGE CLAIM! |
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hayaurion, kaonland, keroland, khrack, original content |
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