Dating

[csuree]

whoops... i thought this might get here....

don't take it slowly.....you know her for like 1 year... this was very slow.....now it is the time to speed up things... cause the slow pace causes her to be unsure.....

flirting with other girls usually backfires.....don't do it.....tease her.....by teasing her....no underhanded tactics.....i say it from experience.....
if you start making her jealous she will get angry and when you get back to her she will think of you as a womanizer and you blow the chances you had until now.

and another thing about you friends....i had a thing 4 a hottie in high school... in 4 years time...i grew closer to her.. in the last year i made my move.....in a slow pace and my friend told me to give up on her.....i gave up on her and....3 weeks later my friend hooked up with her....

so i don't wanna say your friends are like that....but if you get permanently friend zoned and 1 friend of yours hooks up with her it will be like a living hell.....

make your move now.....don't waste time... she likes simple things you say.......
get it simple to her.....be my girl....if you are in this semi-friend-lover relationship....that is not simple at all....and friendship between man and women do not exist.....or love or nothing...

if she rejects you... don't become her friend....minimize contact as much as you can, cause even the most kind-hearted girl gets somehow a lackey involuntarily and it will give you false hope and everything....

not saying that she is one of those.. but i had 10 years worth of experience of being friend-zoned by a ton of girls almost every kind of them, and i was such a good friend that i helped them nevertheless and gave myself false hopes by doing so.....

do what i wrote you in my last post.. it will make things crystal clear.. and heck you might even get her....focus on her for now and you will get the result for your question....

you have to evolve from friend material to dating material. the only way is to make advances. she might think of it as a joke first but be decisive and show some poker-face at certain situations... and it will be in the bag.....in no time

[Yolks]

I'll agree with monsta666 here. I think being too aggressive at this point would actually turn her off. There is already tension between the two of you. But, her indecision seems to point more towards nervousness, rather than a sense of pity. It is really up to her to decide what happens next but you can nudge it along. You could go on a small date and do little things like leaning on her or what not. Just to tread along yours and her thin physical boundaries. You really just want to make her aware that you are serious and you are being honest about your feelings. It's up to her to find out if she wants to be as honest with her feelings too.

If that does fail and things seem to dull out, I do think you should move on. You sound like you like her, but you wouldn't be so hung up to figure out that it wouldn't work out. At the end of the day, if you feel that you did all you could to reach out to her and she doesn't respond, perhaps it just wasn't meant to be. But you'll at least leave with the sense of action rather than inaction. If that makes sense.

[solidguy]

Thanks guys. I think I'll give her abit more space to think it out before I confront her again. It's as you all said, as long as I tried then I can walk away with my head held high. Cheers

[Knightrunner]

You should probably shower her with chocolate and somehow touch or brush her shoulder or hand to see her response. If she gives this awkward look then your chances isn't good.

[willx]

@solidguy

So before I say much else, I'm just going to outright ask, how old are you and she? Are you guys close to graduation at all? Career prospects? Socio-economic status?

I'm just curious cause in highschool and college/university .. I dated. A LOT. Since then, I've been with the same girl for 8 years and we got engaged in April.

Without getting too much into it, when you're younger.. people play games, lots of them.. and they mess with your mind if you think about them too much. I played them too. And not all of them are intentional, it's because everyone is so inexperienced and indecisive. People expect a pop and sparkle, even though sometimes it might not be there in the beginning..

[solidguy]

Originally Posted by willx

@solidguy

So before I say much else, I'm just going to outright ask, how old are you and she? Are you guys close to graduation at all? Career prospects? Socio-economic status?

I'm just curious cause in highschool and college/university .. I dated. A LOT. Since then, I've been with the same girl for 8 years and we got engaged in April.

Without getting too much into it, when you're younger.. people play games, lots of them.. and they mess with your mind if you think about them too much. I played them too. And not all of them are intentional, it's because everyone is so inexperienced and indecisive. People expect a pop and sparkle, even though sometimes it might not be there in the beginning..

Im nearly 20 and she's 19. This is my second year of uni yet it still feels like high school tbh. Haha yeah I've played quite alot of games but idk she seems too innocent to be playing those, its kinda what made me attracted to her in the first place. I totally get what you mean with failed expectations, things NEVER ever went as how I imagined... I learnt lessons about myself and 'how to play the game' regardless. I'm one of the worst people to get mind messed (if thats a thing) because I often tend to over think every single thing that happens. It's just so confusing trying to find a girlfriend, I'd much rather prefer the more 'bachelor' life style I was living before I fell for her. And maybe I will end up going back to that, but I'm not giving up just yet.

By the way congrats on your engagement. All the best with your future wife

[willx]

Originally Posted by solidguy

Im nearly 20 and she's 19. This is my second year of uni yet it still feels like high school tbh. Haha yeah I've played quite alot of games but idk she seems too innocent to be playing those, its kinda what made me attracted to her in the first place. I totally get what you mean with failed expectations, things NEVER ever went as how I imagined... I learnt lessons about myself and 'how to play the game' regardless. I'm one of the worst people to get mind messed (if thats a thing) because I often tend to over think every single thing that happens. It's just so confusing trying to find a girlfriend, I'd much rather prefer the more 'bachelor' life style I was living before I fell for her. And maybe I will end up going back to that, but I'm not giving up just yet.

By the way congrats on your engagement. All the best with your future wife

Thanks. We're relatively happy..

In all seriousness, thinking back to how I was at your age and in your place in life, any and all of the words any of us says will be: "Ah, that makes sense, now I'm going to go back to being emotional about it!"

But .. believe it or not, but this isn't the most important thing in your life, neither in the future nor right now.. It might be hard to believe but it's true.

I've just turned 29 recently, I'm happily engaged, have a very nice pot of savings and was in Japan in April touring the cherry blossoms in Tokyo & Kyoto and enjoying the hot springs in Hakone. I proposed to my fiance in Japan, amidst the cherry blossoms and strolled about hand-in-hand. We dated for 7.5 years before we got engaged .. and here's the clincher .. she wasn't the girl I was in love with 10 years ago.

Let me tell you a story about myself to put things into perspective, albeit this story doesn't have a "fairy tale" ending because it's real life -- I've hidden it in a spoiler tag so as not to bombard people with a "wall of text"

Spoiler for Personal Real Life Story:

Back when I was in highschool I was an absolute punk/gangster kid that skipped 80% of my classes, went to other schools to hit on girls and was an absolute jerk to the "nerdy" kids. I was smart enough to still pass all my classes but otherwise thought it was cool to not give a shit about anything. I think in the span of 2-3 years in highschool I had dated (sometimes very briefly) over 7-8 different girls.

There was one girl however, that was relatively sweet and innocent in comparison (and she had big boobs!) that I could never get off my mind. Whenever she was single, I'd ditch whatever girl I was with to try to be with her, but she was obviously not terribly comfortable dating a "bad boy" although we were close friends and challenged each other intellectually (yes, a smart bad kid happens sometimes). I would seek solace in the arms of my exes in a casual way.

So flash forward another 3-4 years. I "get my act together" and go to college/university after going through a single Adult-Ed class (I skipped so much classes I was missing an "applied skills" credit). She's single, but just recently, from a long and emotionally charged relationship. I'm there like a flash, all cleaned up and acting like a puppy dog.

We have tons of fun .. I can tell we click and she's obviously in to me as well .. BUT she's not willing to fully commit, doesn't know what she wants out of life or a partner .. AND is still getting over her last relationship. We're ~19. We don't know shit. For whatever reason, the cocky, arrogant, intelligent "me" is agonizing over this like it's the most important thing in the universe.

Arguments ensue. On my part. On her part. I feel insecure that she's not committing to me and get upset. She gets upset that I'm upset. She doesn't know what she wants. To be honest? Neither did I. We both agree to be "non-exclusive" so as to lower mutual expectations, so we both "see" other people but none of it's serious. We're practically dating, but "not fully" -- it makes things awkward. We get jealous of each other. We take breaks. We see each other again. Awkward emotional melodramatic spiral.

Eventually it all blows up. Friendship that lasted years ends. We both go our separate ways to grow as people. She goes to London for school. I graduate university and get a white collar "Top 1%" job. Years later. She's married and I'm engaged. We're friends again but not very close. I wasn't invited to her wedding. In retrospect, we were both emotionally still kids and had no idea what we wanted or conversely, what we needed vs. wanted.

Hopefully this helps you put a bit of your life into a larger perspective.

[csuree]

you might be right that love evolves and changes and you might end up with someone very different from our original dream.....
this is life... you might date someone for years on end and in a sweep you break up and not a year passes and you marry another one..

it is true that we all make mistakes at one time... we are humans after all.

i too have a bit of a problem....you might have read it a few pages before.. i have a fairly long post history here... but the thing is in extra-thin version......

i think i have a phobia.....after trying to overcome my limitations and objectively speaking of myself i went to a party at the week-end and tried to socialize a bit.....but i failed miserably and at the first sign of a route... i escaped.......


this might be my fear of people and i am really sorry to have this kind of attitude but i want to become a more social guy.....i'm not saying i want to be popular.. but i don't want to be the lowest rank underdog in every circle i enter....

i actually thought of going to a shrink.. but this is a long term thing and getting close to 25 i feel a pressure to get my act together and have my first girlfriend, and the other firsts i have to before i settle down.......

but the most peculiar thing is that i know very much about relationships and all but it is only theory i don't have a shred of experience. (Time spent having a girlfriend: 0 seconds; Times kissed: 0; i think this tells it all)

and i say it with all my heart....i want to find happiness......i already hate my life as it is now....totally grey....no change... i go home and nobody awaits....i have no one dear to me to talk to... nobody to say how cute she is.. or how i love her.....and i feel so empty that even the things i used to love don't fill me with happiness......

honestly at this moment i could win the lottery and not be very happy about it at all...that is how i would describe myself now.

i come usually here looking for advice, but in recent times the thread went off-topic and the people disappeared....

it might have been of my more or less aggressive comments.....i have a tendency to scare or chase away people....

I'm sorry Guys.....i'm still immature, socially....

I think i start to lose the grip on my life....like it is slipping away and i am helpless to watch it from the sidelines.

[willx]

@csuree

I'm sorry that you're unhappy with your life and I genuinely hope that things get better for you, but it's unlikely (but not impossible) that any advice you receive here could truly be that helpful - ultimately almost anything I or anyone else says is generally common sense and/or knowledge that you already know. That being said, I'd like to offer two simple pieces of advice that you can take or leave lying on the road:

1) You seem to be focusing a lot on social interaction and relationships. These things are very important .. true .. but what about the rest of your life and the rest of your goals? Job? Education? Hobbies? Interests? A person's social life doesn't come from a vacuum. It gets developed as you pursue your interests and meet those with the same. Going to a party with music that you don't like and alcohol that you don't drink isn't likely going to help anything. Volunteering for a cause you believe in and going to workshops or activities that you enjoy are more likely to make you a more interesting person and introduce you to people that share the same interests.

2) Confidence / Attitude - This may sound a bit contradictory to my comment above, but bear with me .. this is one fact that I've found to be very true in life in general. With regards to work, life and simply growing up ..

"Pretend until it's true" -- That's right. Act confident. Act grown up. Act mature. I'm not telling you to lie, because while you're "acting" you're learning through both research and osmosis. You'll also fail sometimes. No one's good at their job right when they start, but no one's going to hire you unless you act confident that you WILL be able to learn and be good at it later. No one starts as a grown up, but you start "acting" more mature and eventually you "become" it.

Sounds silly, but if you read "14-sai no Koi" and think back to how you were when you were 13/14 and how you "grew up" it's a lesson people need to sometimes re-learn.

[HasuMasu]

I'm actually not really sure where to put this.

YouTube

https://youtu.be/0czs_OtqrLA

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

[SPARTAN 119]

Originally Posted by willx

@csuree

I'm sorry that you're unhappy with your life and I genuinely hope that things get better for you, but it's unlikely (but not impossible) that any advice you receive here could truly be that helpful - ultimately almost anything I or anyone else says is generally common sense and/or knowledge that you already know. That being said, I'd like to offer two simple pieces of advice that you can take or leave lying on the road:

1) You seem to be focusing a lot on social interaction and relationships. These things are very important .. true .. but what about the rest of your life and the rest of your goals? Job? Education? Hobbies? Interests? A person's social life doesn't come from a vacuum. It gets developed as you pursue your interests and meet those with the same. Going to a party with music that you don't like and alcohol that you don't drink isn't likely going to help anything. Volunteering for a cause you believe in and going to workshops or activities that you enjoy are more likely to make you a more interesting person and introduce you to people that share the same interests.

2) Confidence / Attitude - This may sound a bit contradictory to my comment above, but bear with me .. this is one fact that I've found to be very true in life in general. With regards to work, life and simply growing up ..

"Pretend until it's true" -- That's right. Act confident. Act grown up. Act mature. I'm not telling you to lie, because while you're "acting" you're learning through both research and osmosis. You'll also fail sometimes. No one's good at their job right when they start, but no one's going to hire you unless you act confident that you WILL be able to learn and be good at it later. No one starts as a grown up, but you start "acting" more mature and eventually you "become" it.

Sounds silly, but if you read "14-sai no Koi" and think back to how you were when you were 13/14 and how you "grew up" it's a lesson people need to sometimes re-learn.

I was, and still am in a similar situation to csuree, a 23-year old who has never had a girlfriend in his life. I have always been social awkward, partly due to Asperger's Syndrome, a mild form of autism that results in average to slightly above average intelligence and delayed social skills, as well as obsessive tendencies. I can say that have been and still am, to a lesser extent, sexually frustrated, and it hurts, I wouldn't wish the feeling on anyone.

Unfortunately for me, I got obsessed with getting a girlfriend and/or sex in high school. Not to mention discovering some "fantasies" that are not appropriate for public discussion. It didn't help that the part that I wanted sex was particular obvious, and the fact that at the time, I was interested in girls in the "popular crowd", when I was a "nerd". I imposed my company on the "popular crowd", and tried to change myself to become "one of them". Suffice it to say, I failed miserably.

This lead to some bad situations I'd rather not talk about. Just suffice it to say it sucked. Basically, a lot of the trouble I got in involved persistently chasing girls, and using a "carpet bombing" tactic, asking out every girl in hopes one will say yes.

After a couple years or high school, I hit "rock bottom", but I slowly clawed my way back up by the middle of my first year of university. By the end of the second years my obsession in getting a girlfriend was less intense, but still present, it still is to this day, as many of my past obsessions are in some form. At that point, anime and writing fan fiction took over.

Two years later, my junior year, I discovered anime club, made some friends, and really fell in with the right crowd. Now, still feel sexually frustrated and sometimes feel down. I still have never had a girlfriend or had any sexual experience. I still wish I had a girlfriend or at least a "friend with benefits".

But now, I feel better as I have some sort of idea of what to do. Basically, I know what I want, I still don't know how to get it, but I DO know how not to... And with the negative, I can find the positive.

Second, I just generally keep a positive outlook, because, chances are, somewhere in the roughly 3.5 billion women on Earth, the one for me must be out there somewhere. I am also now hanging out with the right crowd, so getting to know girls is easier when we have something in common. Whenever I feel sexually frustrated, I can fight (or at least take the edge off it) by repeating "IT WILL HAPPEN" in my head, and when I feel like I'm progressing too slowly, "ONE SECOND CLOSER!".

As for some tips, here are some I've discovered:

Don't give up, but don't try to hard. Trying too hard makes you look desperate, girl's don't like that. "Carpet bombing" tactics- asking out every girl you know in hopes one will say yes- do not work, especially if you ask a one girl immediately after another. I tried that in high school. I wouldn't be writing this post if it worked! I hate to admit it, but I even sank a bit lower than that and at least contemplated attempting to sabotage a relationship and take the place of the ex. That didn't work either and is generally a dick move, like what your friend did to you, csuree.

Be yourself. Don't try and go after girls that you are physically attracted to but have nothing in common with. It will never work out. Hang out with the right crowd


What seems counterproductive often isn't This is related to the "don't try to hard rule. If it seems like your methods of attracting women aren't working, try something else. Try doing something that has nothing to do with dating.

[Paranoid Android]

Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119

Be yourself. Don't try and go after girls that you are physically attracted to but have nothing in common with. It will never work out. Hang out with the right crowd

Your digression is definitely something I agree with but not "Be Yourself". That is the worst advice to give to anyone. I think it's better off to tell people a detailed description on mentality to have in a relationship than misleading one-liners such as that.

Every relationship or confrontation experience should be something you learn from. Many people need to learn to stop living in their own world all the time. And realize they can't behave the same way they want to behave in any scenario. There's time and place for everything and adaptability is something better to practice. If anyone thinks being themselves and not changing is good enough, then they're life is a motionless standstill.

Originally Posted by SPARTAN

I have always been social awkward, partly due to Asperger's Syndrome, a mild form of autism that results in average to slightly above average intelligence and delayed social skills, as well as obsessive tendencies

I can't generalize people with autism because of the wide scale of where people could lie. However, I fight my mild autism by practicing acting. I force myself to 'zone in' as the person I wish I could be whenever I'm required to do something out of my comfort zone. It's almost to the point of reiterating rehearsed scripts and facial expressions.

For example, I never make eye contact if left to myself. I thought it would be rude to remain that way when I first had a girlfriend. I had to take time out of my schedule to practice staring at people. And bring myself to do that every time I spend time with her.

This also applies to job interviews.

For conversations, I practice altering my tone, dragging out words and slowing down like how people on TV or film would do. I'm still very absent minded about words that come out of my mouth though

I think autism is something whoever you're dating should be informed but you should try hard yourself to be a little more on-the-same-plane as the significant other. It's quite a good representation of your true feelings/devotions despite not being 'completely yourself'.

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

Your digression is definitely something I agree with but not "Be Yourself". That is the worst advice to give to anyone. I think it's better off to tell people a detailed description on mentality to have in a relationship than misleading one-liners such as that.

Every relationship or confrontation experience should be something you learn from. Many people need to learn to stop living in their own world all the time. And realize they can't behave the same way they want to behave in any scenario. There's time and place for everything and adaptability is something better to practice. If anyone thinks being themselves and not changing is good enough, then they're life is a motionless standstill.

If you're not "being yourself" the person you're dating won't be falling in love with you, but a facsimile of you. That's a pretty depressing thought, no?

[willx]

Guys, I'd like to thank you all for also sharing your personal stories and look to help each other out. I must say it's difficult for me to understand where some of you guys are coming from sometimes as I am not afflicted by any ailment, but I think you should all be proud of yourselves and how open you are and your willingness to assist each other. Don't overlook this spirit of camaraderie. It's important.

I'm not sure I have much more to add on this topic, but I would definitely want to reiterate one point: Don't try to change yourself or to do things that don't interest you at all .. but do try to broaden your horizons and try new things and learn new things and continue to grow as a person .. remember that your "self" is not a static thing and neither is your situation. Both you and your circumstances can and will change if you have the will to do it (and admittedly if circumstances allow.)

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

If you're not "being yourself" the person you're dating won't be falling in love with you, but a facsimile of you. That's a pretty depressing thought, no?

^ I think I can cover this with both my "Pretend Until It's True" and "Broaden Your Horizons" .. but basically the concept of "being yourself" I think is a misnomer. When and where and who is the "yourself" at 10 years old? 15? 20? I'm going to tell you outright that at 15 I had minimal interest in eating sushi or finance and capital markets, nor did I have that much interest in politics or classical literature or even just taking the time to sit and stare at cherry blossoms..

Remember folks, no one lives in a vacuum, what you do affects the people around you. Conversely, things that happen in "your world" will affect who you are as a person. This may sound terribly corny but the world is a big place.. go and learn and do and be a variety of things. Remember, although it may not always seem like it .. and sometimes boredom or frustration will set in .. but as Medaka has said: "LIFE IS EPIC!"

http://www.batoto.net/read/_/93740/m...y_cxc-scans/17

[Knightrunner]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

If you're not "being yourself" the person you're dating won't be falling in love with you, but a facsimile of you. That's a pretty depressing thought, no?

That does sound a little depressing in some way. I would say be your best self

[DonQuigleone]

Yes I'd say being your best self is the way to go. There's nothing wrong with self improvement. But on the flip side, don't be something you're not. I hate loud music, clubbing and general promiscuity, so if I decided to go in for all that just to get laid, while I would get sex, I wouldn't be meeting the right women. The women I'd be meeting doing this would be into guys who like loud music and clubbing. When they learn of my true tastes it's going to get ugly...

Of course, there's nothing wrong with trying new things. But then again, don't try to seem more adventurous then you really are either.

Basically, go out with people who are like you, and generally like the things you like. The really stupid cliché is "opposites attract". I don't think any good relationship has been built without some kind of common ground between the two people (and I mean more personality and attitudes then interests and hobbies).

[csuree]

Back to some advice:

Be yourself: i extend this.. a bit.....Be yourself within the limits of normality. As we are anime/manga fans and many people judge people like us. we have to be ourselves without revealing these aspects of our life.
Me particularly have not just this as an embarrassing interest but 2 more others, that i used in high school to try and hook up girls but i failed and found out that girls hate if a guy is smarter than them (in this region), because they are convinced that they have to lead us by the nose.
This is why i fake an average intelligence whenever i meet new people, and keep it a secret so i won't get picked on because of this like in school.
So i suggest this be yourself but the things society considers lame or embarrassing should be kept hidden

You can also put up a bit of an act but never lie....given the situation to attract a bit of attention you can pretend something and using acting skillfully can get the cat in the bag.
(Example: someone says a funny remark about you and you can pretend to be upset about it to make them feel uncomfortable and retort back seriously and blow it off as a joke.)
you will not be another person by acting....you play like in a game...sometimes seriously sometimes playfully, or in a lazy way.....

both conceptions, opposites attraction and common hobbies types both work...i saw people with completely different worlds and they have a happy relationship....there is no rule in that....
sometimes i don't know what i want... a girl the opposite of me or someone that resembles me? because both have their pro's and cons and both can bring a fulfilling relationship

During my life i did not found out what girl i don't want but i found out what kind of girls i do NOT want as GF.....and i think that is more than enough.

Yesterday i had a real good talk with a girl and she gave me some insight about how women react, we did situation acting based on first encounters scenarios. So i think i learned a lot more about how to approach them....and 1 thing.....

I learned that by the first or max the second date you must kiss the girl or you will get friend-zoned. you have to make you intentions clear from the very start.
tactic 4 the kiss (Hitch movie) 90% distance you, the rest 10% leave it to the girl, if she kisses you... the deal is on, if no then you can forget hooking up with her.

I suggest if you have problems getting a girl talk to a female friend, and she will shower you with very good info....I'm glad i did it, maybe it will turn my life around, we'll see.

[Khu]

Ahh, got rejected for asking a date to formal (or prom, for you Americans.)

Oh well. *sigh*

[RWBladewing]

Originally Posted by willx

2) Confidence / Attitude - This may sound a bit contradictory to my comment above, but bear with me .. this is one fact that I've found to be very true in life in general. With regards to work, life and simply growing up ..

"Pretend until it's true" -- That's right. Act confident. Act grown up. Act mature. I'm not telling you to lie, because while you're "acting" you're learning through both research and osmosis. You'll also fail sometimes. No one's good at their job right when they start, but no one's going to hire you unless you act confident that you WILL be able to learn and be good at it later. No one starts as a grown up, but you start "acting" more mature and eventually you "become" it.

Sounds silly, but if you read "14-sai no Koi" and think back to how you were when you were 13/14 and how you "grew up" it's a lesson people need to sometimes re-learn.

This seems to be the most common advice I see given to people who have never had a significant other but I really don't feel it's that simple. I think many of the people who say this are already confident themselves and don't truly understand what it means to have no confidence at all. Confidence is something that's easy enough to obtain more of once you already have some, but can be extremely difficult to obtain even a little bit of when starting from zero. There can be a very large emotional and logical barrier for someone to overcome when trying to be confident about something that they have previously experienced nothing but repeated failure in, and some may see "acting" as simply lying to themselves.

[willx]

Originally Posted by RWBladewing

This seems to be the most common advice I see given to people who have never had a significant other but I really don't feel it's that simple. I think many of the people who say this are already confident themselves and don't truly understand what it means to have no confidence at all. Confidence is something that's easy enough to obtain more of once you already have some, but can be extremely difficult to obtain even a little bit of when starting from zero. There can be a very large emotional and logical barrier for someone to overcome when trying to be confident about something that they have previously experienced nothing but repeated failure in, and some may see "acting" as simply lying to themselves.

Well.. To reveal a bit more about myself, I was a complete nerd/geek and then transitioned into being a gangster/delinquent. Big shift eh? Let's just say there was a lot of pretending involved with the cocky and arrogant attitude that I carried around with me afterwards.

To give you some additional context .. I had to transfer schools a lot when I was young because my family was VERY poor and had to move a lot. So when I first entered highschool I had no friends at all because I didn't go to elementary school with anyone in the area.

I can understand and accept your criticism.. but all I can do is offer whatever advice I think might be helpful that has personally worked for me in the past. Later in life, I was also friends with a variety of girls that were "cool" "popular" "scary" "delinquent" in highschool and quite a few/most of them will admit they all had self-esteem issues but hid it deep deep deep down inside.