Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[TheShinySword]

Originally Posted by illidan182

The part where I suggested changing it to 'aloud' was because Illya's character had said it instead of as a thought, but I see what you mean aswell. As he's talking to himself.

As for the other part I see what you pointed out there aswell. I'll have to think on it for a few as nothing is coming to mind at the moment.

And as for Betaing people? I plan on useing you when I finish with my next piece.

Awesome can't wait :3

And I see what you mean about the first one. I assumed he was thinking internally but he could be just talking to himself.

[NorthernFallout]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

I assumed he was thinking internally but he could be just talking to himself.

No, my fault, he was thinking internally. Lost in translation.

Btw explain Beta"ing" I'm curious.

[Evangelion Xgouki]

*peers down at the bottom of the thread*

Kinda off-topic, but since when did 'satashi' become a thread tag? Oh, and it looks like 'shiny crack' is also one

hmm...so the FF thread now deals in 'corruption' with all of its 'blooming insanity'

[illidan182]

Originally Posted by Ilya

No, my fault, he was thinking internally. Lost in translation.

Btw explain Beta"ing" I'm curious.

Hehe, thats ok. ^_^

Basicly when someone Beta's your work, they read it, correct misspellings, grammar issues, and basicly what me and TSS are doing in the thread. lol

[TheShinySword]

Originally Posted by Ilya

Don't really understand, Should I remove the " around Liberty?

Sorry I'll make it clearer. Since the line in question is dialog thus in "Quotes" and quotations in the dialog in this case liberty need to be in singe 'quotes' instead of "double quotes"

And if you don't mind, could I PM you too in the future for review if you have the time?

Sure I got nothing but time between me and Illidan you'll be well off

Originally Posted by Ilya

Btw explain Beta"ing" I'm curious.

Betaing is just letting someone read and revises/edits your piece before you release it. Someone who Betas for you is your Beta. In real world writing terms its called critiquing (not to be confused with criticizing) and someone who critiques your piece is your critique partner (Only knows that because I live around a bunch of authors)

[NorthernFallout]

Originally Posted by illidan182

Basicly when someone Beta's your work, they read it, correct misspellings, grammar issues, and basicly what me and TSS are doing in the thread. lol

Thought it was something like that.

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

Sorry I'll make it clearer. Since the line in question is dialog thus in "Quotes" and quotations in the dialog in this case liberty need to be in singe 'quotes' instead of "double quotes"

Ah, now I understand.

[ghazghkull]

Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki

*peers down at the bottom of the thread*

Kinda off-topic, but since when did 'satashi' become a thread tag? Oh, and it looks like 'shiny crack' is also one

hmm...so the FF thread now deals in 'corruption' with all of its 'blooming insanity'

I have no idea :3

But considering how famous Satashi is on the thread here, I think it's only appropriate. Considering that Satashi actively posts stories here than any of us combined, I think it's only fair that Satashi's name was posted.

I'm willing to bet that anyone of us who was just as active and just as popular and well known as Satashi would probably get their name posted down there as well XD

[wanwan1203]

Originally Posted by Thesinwithin

-feels like she's the only one amused by the Lupus thing-

Guys, question. I want to start work on my new Nanoha fic idea, but I want to finish this other fic that I'm working on first. What do you think? Should I just do both, or should I push myself to finish Passages before I start work on this new Nanoha piece?

Passages is one of the few well written non-AU fics, heck, fics in the Mai-HiME section. Don't force yourself to write it if you really can't at the moment because the quality might suffer. This kind of story deserves to end with a bang! So if you feel like doing the Nanoha thing, do it. I will wait for Passages no matter how long it takes. It's that good.

Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki

I...have...RETURNED!!

*trips and epic faceplants*

Urg...need more sleep after the con

Glad to see some people enjoyed the not-planned continuation of 18 . I may or may not continue depending on if I get more inspiration or not . As for where I was all weekend...I'll just copy-paste from my OC post to spare the non-Outer Cadians from venturing in the OC thread

------------------------------------
Offtopic:

After a weekend of about 3-4 hours of sleep a night, staffing the Karaoke room into the late evening (and listening to some songs over and over and over again ), helping out at Yaoi Con sponsored events, lightening my wallet in the Dealers Room, and many cosplays over the 4-day con I must now return to being 'normal' . But first to show off some pics from the con

Spoiler for Fanime 2008:

-snip-

Welcome back. Cool pics!

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

Edit: Yay for writing in the wrong word. While working on MBLZ I meant to write this: Yuuno offered to make food.
Instead I wrote: "Yuuno offered to make babies."
This is why I shouldn't watch tv and write at the same time.

Yuuno as a babymaker? oO;;

Originally Posted by Keroko

I'd say so.

so cute!! *squeals*

Originally Posted by Ilya

This is the first fanfic I've ever written with these characters: Character info
----------------------------------------------
This is the prologue to my "Marksman Tales" fanfic which I am planning to continue with and expand with different parts.

Spoiler for Prologue:

Marksman Tales

Prologue

Vic sat in his tent, reading his book as usual, when Macmillan suddenly rushed in.

“Sarge, we’ve received a transmission from the Time-Space Administration Bureau about a search-and-rescue mission.”

“TSAB?” Vic thought to himself. It was pretty unusual for them to send a transmission requiring outside help.

“Are there any details?” he asked quickly.

“Yes, but not many. All it says is that two of their mages have been overrun by Type-4s and that they are requesting help. It seems they are located not far from here.”

He handed him the transmission script and Vic quickly examined it.

“Okay then, get the trucks and the others ready, we are leaving in 5 minutes.”

Macmillan rushed out, yelling orders to those nearby. Vic closed his book and began to disassemble the tent, at the same time wondering how two TSAB mages could require assistance. They must be in a highly dangerous situation for even considering asking for their help.

----------------------

An hour later they arrived at the location they had been given. They couldn’t believe what they saw. All over the battlefield lay dozens of Type-4s either totally destroyed or damaged to the point that they couldn’t move.
Vic began to give orders to the others, when they suddenly heard a scream among the wreckage:

“Nanoha! Come on, wake up!”

Everyone turned to the sound and began moving in that direction. Vic was thinking rapidly “Nanoha? I think I’ve heard that name before.”

“Hey, Macmillan!” he screamed.

“Yeah?” a voice in front of him answered.

“Haven’t you heard the name Nanoha anywhere before?”

“I think so. I think it was during the Book of Darkness incident. She was one of the mages participating in its destruction.”

“So I thought,” Vic replied.

According to the rumors, Nanoha was a mage with huge skill and power. No wonder this place looked like a junkyard.

“Nanoha!”

The voice brought him back to reality. They had finally reached the location where the two mages where. The sight was not promising. A mage in red clothes sat down on the ground holding a bloody, badly damaged body in her arms. Vic guessed the body was Nanoha and immediately called for Doc.

“Doc!” Come over here and try to stabilize her. I’ll take care of the other one.”

He picked up the other mage and put her down a couple of yards away.

“Are you injured?” he asked.

“No, only a couple of bruises,” the tearful girl said, looking down on the ground.

“Do you know what happened?”

“Well,” she began slowly, “we were going to take down a couple of Type-4s when we suddenly were ambushed by dozens of them. We fought as best as we could but the situation didn’t look good. I had taken some hits and tried to get back up and Nanoha did everything she could to protect me.
In the confusion of it all she didn’t notice that a Type-4 had sneaked up behind us. It struck her full force in the back, throwing her several meters away. I managed to destroy it and the rest myself but by then Nanoha had taken several hits and was lying on the ground. It was then that I called out for a rescue party.”

Vic nodded and put a blanket around her.

“What’s your name?”

“Vita.”

“Ok Vita, I’m going to ask how Nanoha is doing, you just wait here.” he said and walked towards Doc.

The girl responded with a small nod.

“How does it look Doc?”

“Not good at all,” he responded with a worried look. “If we can’t get her to a hospital within the next hour, she’s gone.”

Vic picked up the small radio he had on his waist and accessed the TSAB net.

“This is Sergeant Vic Johansen from the mercenary group “Liberty”. We have two TSAB mages in our care that need immediate medical attention. I repeat, two TSAB mages require immediate medical attention, over.”

He ended the transmission. Now it was just to wait and see if they picked it up.
The radio came to life within seconds.

“This is TSAB HQ. We are locked on your coordinates and a rescue helicopter is on its way. You are permitted to board it too. Over and out.”

Vic looked around at the others. They could certainly use a rest, since it had been such an eventful day. He watched the horizon as two hovering machines was coming in closer.

“Mission accomplished” he said quietly to himself.

----------------------------------------------
If you find any huge errors (storywise, spelling, grammatic etc.) don't hesitate to tell me about it. And since it's my first, the quality may vary

English is not my first language so it feels awkward to offer corrections.. ^^' LOL but I pretty much caught most of what Illidan and TheShinySword pointed out. It was a very easy fic to read nevertheless. *waits for update*

edit:

Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki

*peers down at the bottom of the thread*

Kinda off-topic, but since when did 'satashi' become a thread tag? Oh, and it looks like 'shiny crack' is also one

hmm...so the FF thread now deals in 'corruption' with all of its 'blooming insanity'

yeah, add nosebleeds to that list too! I think this and the OC-thread have the weirdest tags on AS.

[TheShinySword]

Originally Posted by wanwan1203

Yuuno as a babymaker? oO;;

...
..
.
Babymaker! Yuuno

Yuuno: Hello ladies will you bare my children!
Nanoha+Fate+Hayate:... ... ...
All: OH GOD YES! *Tackle Yuuno*
Yuuno: *sleazy grin* The Yuuno gets all the ladies.


Oh snap what did I just write

I like your new sig WanWan

[markesellus]

Originally Posted by Naolin

*huff puff* I made it! I've spent the last four-ish hours locating and reading Vampire!Fate on this thread, because I didn't want to wait for the FF.net one to update. And it was so, so worth it. XD

Lesse, comments on past pages...

'I've read some AU fics where the characters tend to be OOC.. *coughMaiHiMEsectioncough*' <--- That, hah...ahaha...sorry? ^^''

Twilight <--- should have had hot vampire lovin'. Or something. And I read the series anyway...

Fatenum <--- supported by me, oh yes. X3 Still, NanoFate ftw.

'Rings and Things' was amazing and should have a horde of banner-wavers surrounding it. Also, it made me de-lurk. Well...it was on the top of the de-lurking-reasons totem poll.

That AU with Fate's father (forgot the title...so many pages back...XD;; ) was great, and really needs to be updated.

That aside, I'd have voted B but Fate won already. Woo Fate. I think she's becoming more like the Fate we all know and love, when we can see those glimpses of what's under the (very sexy) flirting. And tho' I can't say I'm a fan of spanking, Nanoha dominating is...ah...is very- it- yes.

Half-baked Theory Time~! Nanoha's dying, but Fate will turn her and cause the Paladins to try to kill her, which will spawn a conflict of honour and duty when Hayate realises neither of the vampires deserve to be hunted down. So she and the others abandon their posts and wage a war against the remaining Paladins, an epic battle ensues, and Fate gets to cast smouldering glances right and left. (that outfit...those fangs...mmmm...)

(never gonna happen ftw~!)

So, erm... (long post gah) Hi? ^^'' Nice to meet you...? *eyes warily*

This is late but welcome!

Originally Posted by Satashi

[Shameless plug] Because blond hair foxy ladies were meant to be babysitters. [/shameless plug]

Spoiler for Vampire!Fate pt.2a:

I was a little annoyed that Nanoha refused to talk to me about what was bothering her in the car, and even more so when she simply waved when I dropped her off at college. I didn't mind taking Caro home, as I still had Nanoha's spare key, but the least she could do would be to explain her situation to me.

I treated Caro and Erio to a kid's meal at the local (insert popular fast food chain here) and put my cheek against my palm while thinking as they ate. I couldn't tell at first, but in the back of my mind I knew that Nanoha wasn't perfectly healthy. When I discovered her cabinet full of medicine I began to worry, but now I was really concerned. After all these years of being lonely, why did I have to fall for a human who was sick? Life just wasn't fair.

After our meal I made due on my promise to Erio and bought the kids and myself ice cream to snack on before finally taking the pink haired one home. She politely asked if I would like to visit a while and my boy quickly took her up on the offer. Although I didn't mind, I felt a little weird when she started baking. An hour later the front door was opened and the smell of several baked goods wafted around, drawing in customers.

Acting on impulse, I started catering to them, taking request and ringing up the sales. Caro seemed to know a lot despite being so young and even Erio started helping out, much to my delight. It seemed as if he had a crush on the short little thing. Not that I blame him, she just screamed 'cute' with that floppy hat of hers.

After almost three hours I finally got a text message from Nanoha saying she was coming back. I called quickly to tell her to wait for me to pick her up but she was already at the bus stop. With a sigh I reluctantly agreed to stay put and continued to watch the store. Not surprisingly, almost everything that Nanoha pre-made was almost sold out and Caro's own rolls and buns were starting to take the shelves as well.

Of course I snatched a cinnamon roll as payment for working.

When Nanoha arrived she gave me a surprised look at the apron I was wearing and glanced around the shop happily at the few customers. She prolonged our conversation further by making small talk with each of them and finding out that I already took the one special request that Caro was currently working on.

Finally she stood in front of me and smiled shyly, rubbing her hands together. "So," She spoke softly. "how was your day?"

"Go tell Caro you're back," I stated in a commanding but still requesting way. "And them come to me so we can talk... okay sweetie?" She sighed and looked down. "If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to," I offered to her gently. "But I'm going to worry over lots of different things until I find out on my own."

"Figures..." She walked by me and into the back room, leaving me to tend to the customers once again. They left soon enough and Nanoha returned to me, taking my hand and leading me back to the kitchen and up the stairs. "Caro can watch the store by herself for a few moments, she's been doing it since she could walk."

"Okay," I sat on her couch and, to my surprise, she sat right next to me so our sides were touching. I guess she wanted to be close to me but not have to look me in the eyes. "So," I encouraged her gently. "Just tell me straight up, be blunt and it will be over with really fast?"

"Right." She nodded. "I have Systemic lupus erythematosus."

"...What?" A disease I didn't know about? I really was behind on my studies...

"It's... a little hard to explain." Nanoha rubbed her hands together. "Um... Do you want me to get technical?"

"I'd understand it, but right now just please tell me what it is?"

Nanoha looked at her lap and smiled lightly when I reached over to take her hand. "I guess you could sum it up with 'a little bit of everything'. I have joint pain sometimes... rashes sometimes get on my skin... get sick... a little anemic... it... kind of affects my insides too.... as you saw today."

"Is it really bad?"

"Painful." She admitted softly. "Sometimes... it hurts really bad." She turned to look at me and I saw a little bit of fear in her eyes mixed with a lot of courage. "It can't be cured but... the survival rate has gone up dramatically lately. There's a ninety percent chance that I won't die from it. My body sometimes gives me trouble.. Like some days I can't seem to move properly, other times I just get so weak I can barely get out of bed. I have missed a lot of school but since I study non-stop my grades were never affected. It comes and it goes but they can't make it stay away."

"You'll just... keep getting the symptoms?"

"Mm..." She looked away again. "I take medicine for it, but even that is bad sometimes. there's another side-effect of it from taking too much. My body is fighting it, but its... not doing a good job. It over compensates, like... it's killing me trying to save me."

I felt my chest tighten. "What... if you could be cured?"

"To ease this pain?" She asked softly, eyes closed. "Anything."

I moved over to hug her and got one back. Gently my hand stroked down through her hair while I thought. My blood... could cure her. If it was treatable by pills... if the survival rate was that high... if it didn't have to be removed from her body... but...

I would have to turn her.

A.)Nanoha
B.)Fate

Must vote before it closes A

[illidan182]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

Yuuno: Hello ladies will you bare my children!

YUUNO IS MIROKU FROM INUYASHA!! Trixy Monks disguising theirselves as ferret-changlings haha xD!!

[wanwan1203]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

...
..
.
Babymaker! Yuuno

Yuuno: Hello ladies will you bare my children!
Nanoha+Fate+Hayate:... ... ...
All: OH GOD YES! *Tackle Yuuno*
Yuuno: *sleazy grin* The Yuuno gets all the ladies.


Oh snap what did I just write

I like your new sig WanWan

Wh-wha-- Yuuno is like.. a pimp or something!
ahh *exhales* the shiny crack is BACK! oh how I love it. :3
@sig: Thanks!

[Satashi]

Special salute to Ilya for first fic. Added to profile page

@Lurkers who came out but aren't posting much: Don't be shy! you may of not got too many replies right off 'cause it coulda been flooded off ^^ Jump right in and comment on anything you want! The more you post the more you'll make some firends ^^

Welcome back Eva!

Lots of backlog @_@ I read it all but too many quotes lol.

[EDIT]
Yuuno: I put on my robe and wizard hat

[ShiniIllumi]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Special salute to Ilya for first fic. Added to profile page

@Lurkers who came out but aren't posting much: Don't be shy! you may of not got too many replies right off 'cause it coulda been flooded off ^^ Jump right in and comment on anything you want! The more you post the more you'll make some firends ^^

Welcome back Eva!

Lots of backlog @_@ I read it all but too many quotes lol.

[EDIT]
Yuuno: I put on my robe and wizard hat

Hahaha @ the last line. Oh gosh it never gets old :3

[Gillian]

Originally Posted by Ilya

This is the first fanfic I've ever written with these characters: Character info
----------------------------------------------
This is the prologue to my "Marksman Tales" fanfic which I am planning to continue with and expand with different parts.

Spoiler for Prologue:

Marksman Tales

Prologue

Vic sat in his tent, reading his book as usual, when Macmillan suddenly rushed in.

“Sarge, we’ve received a transmission from the Time-Space Administration Bureau about a search-and-rescue mission.”

“TSAB?” Vic thought to himself. It was pretty unusual for them to send a transmission requiring outside help.

“Are there any details?” he asked quickly.

“Yes, but not many. All it says is that two of their mages have been overrun by Type-4s and that they are requesting help. It seems they are located not far from here.”

He handed him the transmission script and Vic quickly examined it.

“Okay then, get the trucks and the others ready, we are leaving in 5 minutes.”

Macmillan rushed out, yelling orders to those nearby. Vic closed his book and began to disassemble the tent, at the same time wondering how two TSAB mages could require assistance. They must have been in a highly dangerous situation for even considering asking for their help.

----------------------

An hour later they arrived at the location they had been given. They couldn’t believe what they saw. All over the battlefield lay dozens of Type-4s either totally destroyed or damaged to the point that they couldn’t move.
Vic began to give orders to the others, when they suddenly heard a scream among the wreckage:

“Nanoha! Come on, wake up!”

Everyone turned to the sound and began moving in that direction. Vic was thinking rapidly “Nanoha? I think I’ve heard that name before.”

“Hey, Macmillan!” he screamed.

“Yeah?” a voice in front of him answered.

“Have you heard the name Nanoha anywhere before?”

“I think so. I think it was during the Book of Darkness incident. She was one of the mages participating in its destruction.”

“So I thought,” Vic replied.

According to the rumors, Nanoha was a mage with huge skill and power. No wonder this place looked like a junkyard.

“Nanoha!”

The voice brought him back to reality. They had finally reached the location where the two mages where. The sight was not promising. A mage in red clothes sat down on the ground holding a bloody, badly damaged body in her arms. Vic guessed the body was Nanoha and immediately called for Doc.

“Doc!” Come over here and try to stabilize her. I’ll take care of the other one.”

He picked up the other mage and put her down a couple of yards away.

“Are you injured?” he asked.

“No, only a couple of bruises,” the tearful girl said, looking down on the ground.

“Do you know what happened?”

“Well,” she began slowly, “we were going to take down a couple of Type-4s when we suddenly were ambushed by dozens of them. We fought as best as we could but the situation didn’t look good. I had taken some hits and tried to get back up and Nanoha did everything she could to protect me.
In the confusion of it all she didn’t notice that a Type-4 had sneaked up behind us. It struck her full force in the back, throwing her several meters away. I managed to destroy it and the rest myself but by then Nanoha had taken several hits and was lying on the ground. It was then that I called out for a rescue party.”

Vic nodded and put a blanket around her.

“What’s your name?”

“Vita.”

“Ok Vita, I’m going to ask how Nanoha is doing, you just wait here.” he said and walked towards Doc.

The girl responded with a small nod.

“How does it look Doc?”

“Not good at all,” he responded with a worried look. “If we can’t get her to a hospital within the next hour, she’s gone.”

Vic picked up the small radio he had on his waist and accessed the TSAB net.

“This is Sergeant Vic Johansen from the mercenary group 'Liberty'. We have two TSAB mages in our care that need immediate medical attention. I repeat, two TSAB mages require immediate medical attention, over.”

He ended the transmission. Now it was just to wait and see if they picked it up.
The radio came to life within seconds.

“This is TSAB HQ. We are locked on your coordinates and a rescue helicopter is on its way. You are permitted to board it too. Over and out.”

Vic looked around at the others. They could certainly use a rest, since it had been such an eventful day. He watched the horizon as two hovering machines was coming in closer.

“Mission accomplished” he said quietly to himself.

----------------------------------------------
If you find any huge errors (storywise, spelling, grammatic etc.) don't hesitate to tell me about it. And since it's my first, the quality may vary

good start
looking forward to more

[Satashi]

@Naolin: post more

[Naolin]

Originally Posted by ghazghkull

Fate/Signum?

Sounds sexy :3

Edit: Page-claim for sexy Fate/Signum :3

YESH.

@TSS- You look vaguely familiar too...FF.net? SA?

@wan-
I, erm...was sorry because I thought you were including my fic, but since you like it it must at least be the good kind of OOC. XD;; *blinks* A fan! *glomps* Hello, fan~! I love their storyline too

[Edit] Dammit, quotes are confusing and evil.

[Double-edit] A

[wanwan1203]

Originally Posted by Naolin

YESH.

@wan-
I, erm...was sorry because I thought you were referring to my fic, but since you like it it must at least be the good kind of OOC. XD;; *blinks* A fan! *glomps* Hello, fan~! I love their storyline too

[Edit] Dammit, quotes are confusing and evil.

Oh, no no, there are dozens of OOC fics there. I wasn't referring to any specific fic (because there are many, and only a few of which are nicely done) ^^' Hello too!! Yayy! Hope to see more of you on this thread!

[Evil Rick]

Originally Posted by Ilya

This is the first fanfic I've ever written with these characters: Character info
----------------------------------------------
This is the prologue to my "Marksman Tales" fanfic which I am planning to continue with and expand with different parts.

Spoiler for Prologue:

Marksman Tales

Prologue

Vic sat in his tent, reading his book as usual, when Macmillan suddenly rushed in.

“Sarge, we’ve received a transmission from the Time-Space Administration Bureau about a search-and-rescue mission.”

“TSAB?” Vic thought to himself. It was pretty unusual for them to send a transmission requiring outside help.

“Are there any details?” he asked quickly.

“Yes, but not many. All it says is that two of their mages have been overrun by Type-4s and that they are requesting help. It seems they are located not far from here.”

He handed him the transmission script and Vic quickly examined it.

“Okay then, get the trucks and the others ready, we are leaving in 5 minutes.”

Macmillan rushed out, yelling orders to those nearby. Vic closed his book and began to disassemble the tent, at the same time wondering how two TSAB mages could require assistance. They must have been in a highly dangerous situation for even considering asking for their help.

----------------------

An hour later they arrived at the location they had been given. They couldn’t believe what they saw. All over the battlefield lay dozens of Type-4s either totally destroyed or damaged to the point that they couldn’t move.
Vic began to give orders to the others, when they suddenly heard a scream among the wreckage:

“Nanoha! Come on, wake up!”

Everyone turned to the sound and began moving in that direction. Vic was thinking rapidly “Nanoha? I think I’ve heard that name before.”

“Hey, Macmillan!” he screamed.

“Yeah?” a voice in front of him answered.

“Have you heard the name Nanoha anywhere before?”

“I think so. I think it was during the Book of Darkness incident. She was one of the mages participating in its destruction.”

“So I thought,” Vic replied.

According to the rumors, Nanoha was a mage with huge skill and power. No wonder this place looked like a junkyard.

“Nanoha!”

The voice brought him back to reality. They had finally reached the location where the two mages where. The sight was not promising. A mage in red clothes sat down on the ground holding a bloody, badly damaged body in her arms. Vic guessed the body was Nanoha and immediately called for Doc.

“Doc!” Come over here and try to stabilize her. I’ll take care of the other one.”

He picked up the other mage and put her down a couple of yards away.

“Are you injured?” he asked.

“No, only a couple of bruises,” the tearful girl said, looking down on the ground.

“Do you know what happened?”

“Well,” she began slowly, “we were going to take down a couple of Type-4s when we suddenly were ambushed by dozens of them. We fought as best as we could but the situation didn’t look good. I had taken some hits and tried to get back up and Nanoha did everything she could to protect me.
In the confusion of it all she didn’t notice that a Type-4 had sneaked up behind us. It struck her full force in the back, throwing her several meters away. I managed to destroy it and the rest myself but by then Nanoha had taken several hits and was lying on the ground. It was then that I called out for a rescue party.”

Vic nodded and put a blanket around her.

“What’s your name?”

“Vita.”

“Ok Vita, I’m going to ask how Nanoha is doing, you just wait here.” he said and walked towards Doc.

The girl responded with a small nod.

“How does it look Doc?”

“Not good at all,” he responded with a worried look. “If we can’t get her to a hospital within the next hour, she’s gone.”

Vic picked up the small radio he had on his waist and accessed the TSAB net.

“This is Sergeant Vic Johansen from the mercenary group 'Liberty'. We have two TSAB mages in our care that need immediate medical attention. I repeat, two TSAB mages require immediate medical attention, over.”

He ended the transmission. Now it was just to wait and see if they picked it up.
The radio came to life within seconds.

“This is TSAB HQ. We are locked on your coordinates and a rescue helicopter is on its way. You are permitted to board it too. Over and out.”

Vic looked around at the others. They could certainly use a rest, since it had been such an eventful day. He watched the horizon as two hovering machines was coming in closer.

“Mission accomplished” he said quietly to himself.

----------------------------------------------
If you find any huge errors (storywise, spelling, grammatic etc.) don't hesitate to tell me about it. And since it's my first, the quality may vary

Original Characters. Uh? I like that, this sound interestring, I can't wait until you oficially launch it

BTW: Don't worry, I also have several problems with grammar (I think that my fic Vatican Knights is a terrorist attack against english grammar ) Just to make you know that you are not the only one

[Naolin]

OCs usually grate on my nerves, but everything should be given a chance, yeah? And so far it looks pretty interesting, so fight-o.

Also, since mercurianangel's on- your picture of Vampire!Fate is full of absolutely sexy awesomeness, and deserves to be made into a giant billboard-sized poster.

[Edit] Pageclaim for Fate's boobs (again, probably).