The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya [Spoilers Aplenty]

[vivify93]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

I've used this avi before...

Yeah, I noticed that you and Danchou have changed back to what I consider your "default" avatars.

...This makes me nostalgic.

...Hmm. I forget which avatar I used when I first came here. Arche I think?

EDIT: Oh. Right. On topicness.

While my vote doesn't count for shit, I agree with you all on the scene. Good scene is good.

[scify]

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

... This thread is rather busy... That hasn't happened for a while.

I've noticed it's cyclical. We have a flurry of activity when either Kaisos or Aebliss post something, then a lull, then a discussion topic comes up, then another lull... then we announce that the topic has been murdered is dead, so everything is allowed...

Also, I just heard commentators on NPR use the word trope twice. I am concerned.

[hotakesan]

Kyonko grows so angry that she does actually slap Haruki.
*Shock value: Haruki would probably never see it coming.
*Denial of deniability: the kind of imprint left by a girl's open hand can not be disguised to others as having been a punch dealt by a man, i.e., 'a worthy opponent'.

Haruki's being ticked off goes into overdrive, and he raises his own hand.
*Initially a fist.
**Yuuki moves forward maybe one step; so does Tsuruya; Koizumi steps forward and grabs Kyonko's arm, prepares to pull her to safety - and Kyonko resists.

*Haruki blinks, stops. Changes fist to an open hand.
**Koizumi visibly tugs on Kyonko, who fights the pull and stares Haruki down.
**Haruki slowly lowers his hand, frowns, starts spouting Haruhi BS about being in charge and Kyonko only having to do as she's told.
**Kyonko gives him the Death Glare of Contempt(tm), turns her back on him while he's still mouthing off. She grabs Mitsuuru under one arm and starts to drag him out of the room.
**Tsuruya hurries forward to assist her, bodily lifting Mitsuuru.
**Kyonko + Tsuruya + Mitsuuru leave the room. Haruki's speech of BS tapers off into silence, and he just stands there, alone with a silent Nagato and Koizumi.

That's alright with me. But yeah, there's still:

3.Yuuki probably wouldn't take a step forward. He'd either stand still or rush.

^And I agree w/ tht as well. Rmb how Yuuki was wen asakura tried to kill kyonko? Didn't he 'magically appear' with his super speed and save her? Seems somewt more fitting tht he'd do something similar in this situation no? Or mb not, seeing as this one isnt really life or death. Just that Yuuki seems he'll either do something, or do nothing.

[CrowKenobi]

Originally Posted by Aebliss

Spoiler for tidiness:

I suggest the following:

Kyonko grows so angry that she does actually slap Haruki.
*Shock value: Haruki would probably never see it coming.
*Denial of deniability: the kind of imprint left by a girl's open hand can not be disguised to others as having been a punch dealt by a man, i.e., 'a worthy opponent'.

Haruki's being ticked off goes into overdrive, and he raises his own hand.
*Initially a fist.
**Yuuki moves forward maybe one step; so does Tsuruya; Koizumi steps forward and grabs Kyonko's arm, prepares to pull her to safety - and Kyonko resists.
*Haruki blinks, stops. Changes fist to an open hand.
**Koizumi visibly tugs on Kyonko, who fights the pull and stares Haruki down.
**Haruki slowly lowers his hand, frowns, starts spouting Haruhi BS about being in charge and Kyonko only having to do as she's told.
**Kyonko gives him the Death Glare of Contempt(tm), turns her back on him while he's still mouthing off. She grabs Mitsuuru under one arm and starts to drag him out of the room.
**Tsuruya hurries forward to assist her, bodily lifting Mitsuuru.
**Kyonko + Tsuruya + Mitsuuru leave the room. Haruki's speech of BS tapers off into silence, and he just stands there, alone with a silent Nagato and Koizumi.

Later, Tsuruya sees Kyonko, Koizumi and Nagato off at the door. Haruki's left on his own. Cue scene of Haruki walking alone by the train track where he told Kyonko about his defining moment three years ago once, looking upset and unhappy.
Opinions?

I can live with this! I'm all for Kyonko giving Haruki a verbal reaming, but the silent treatment works, too!

Though, I do think that Itsuko needs to go with Kyonko out of the room (without Mitsuuru, a death glare directed at Tsuruya gets his confirmation that he'll take care of him). Later we get Tsuruya's apology as he sees them off and then cue info-dump! (and taxi drive-by scene)

[Aebliss]

On general editing:

1. No slugging. The amount of contempt conferred by a punch is not as great as that conferred by a slap. It just isn't. Also, see denial of deniability, which is a very good thought a friend of mine conferred to me: if a girl slaps you with an open hand, the marks it leaves can not be confused with being punched by 'an equal opponent'. Kyonko is smaller than Haruki, so it will be obvious he got hit by either a girl or a kid, and either way, it'll put a dent in his male ego. The point of this scene is not to start a battle between equals or even a mismatched fight, but to show a physically weak character denouncing and standing up to a physical powerhouse without even blinking, and winning by show of disdain.

2. No moving Itsuko. Her duty is to monitor Haruki, not Kyonko. In a situation like this, I really see her staying with Haruki, just in case she has to run damage control of some sort. (Also remember than the espers are sensitive to Haruki's emotional state. At the moment after Kyonko leaves, I imagine he'll be feeling hurt, shocked, and abandoned. Wouldn't Itsuko feel somewhat drawn to filling the void?) Later, when Haruki leaves in a huff and obviously wants to be away from everyone who saw his moment of failure, then is a fine moment for her to find Kyonko and try damage control by proxy, i.e., begging Kyonko to do something to fix things.

3. I'm fine with Yuuki just standing still. It works. But have Tsuruya move a step, at least. It'll be fun.

The scene then becomes:

Kyonko grows so angry that she does actually slap Haruki.
*Shock value: Haruki would probably never see it coming.
*Denial of deniability: the kind of imprint left by a girl's open hand can not be disguised to others as having been a punch dealt by a man, i.e., 'a worthy opponent'.

Haruki's being ticked off goes into overdrive, and he raises his own hand.
*Initially a fist.
**Tsuruya moves forward a step, concerned; Koizumi steps forward and grabs Kyonko's arm, prepares to pull her to safety - and Kyonko resists.

*Haruki blinks, stops. Changes fist to an open hand.
**Koizumi visibly tugs on Kyonko, who fights the pull and stares Haruki down.
**Haruki slowly lowers his hand, frowns, starts spouting Haruhi BS about being in charge and Kyonko only having to do as she's told.
**Kyonko gives him the Death Glare of Contempt(tm), turns her back on him while he's still mouthing off. She grabs Mitsuuru under one arm and starts to drag him out of the room.
**Tsuruya hurries forward to assist her, bodily lifting Mitsuuru.
**Kyonko + Tsuruya + Mitsuuru leave the room. Haruki's speech of BS tapers off into silence, and he just stands there, alone with a silent Nagato and Koizumi.

Later, Tsuruya apologizes to Kyonko for having gotten carried away, and promises to take care of Mitsuuru.
Itsuko flags the Organization cab and gives Kyonko a ride to the shrine. The cab passes the railway where Haruki once told Kyonko about his defining moment three years ago on the way.
Kyonko spots Haruki in the distance, appearing somehow isolated, and momentarily looking at his right hand. His shoulders are slumped, his back rigid.

[Jintor]

Originally Posted by scify

Also, I just heard commentators on NPR use the word trope twice. I am concerned.

NPR?

this being?

[Ithekro]

Don't they still need Mitsuuru to film the actually scene they used...the one where Itsuko and Yuuki have an odd conversation over the sleeping Mitsuuru...the other scene where they almost kiss (the one Kyonko will eventually narrate threating to jump into the frame and hurt Itsuko...probably for attempting to steal Mitsuuru's first kiss or something like that)?

[vivify93]

This has been going through my head for a while now.

As of Monday, March 29th, 2010, this has been revised. Hopefully this is my last revision, but I make no guarantees that this won't be edited any longer.

Disclaimer: This is my own work. Nagaru Tanigawa is not involved. Kaisos Erranon is not involved. DJ_RmX, or "Danchou", is not involved. They all simply provided a small basis to work with. Hell, I didn't even read The Sigh of Haruhi Suzumiya prior to writing this, to be honest. One more thing, the reason Yuuki doesn't stop Haruki is because the entire idea that was running through my head while writing this was, "What if no one stopped Haruki and he did strike back at Kyonko?"

Spoiler for An Untitled Sighs Seitenkan Fic (Bad End):

At that realization, I became furious and glowered with rage! "You gave Asahina-senpai tequila?!"

Haruki glared back at me indignantly, as if I was his mother and told him he was grounded for acing a test. "Why not?" Haruki began. "Since Mitsuuru-kun wouldn't man up for this upcoming scene, I had to give him a little liquid courage!" Meanwhile on the floor, Asahina-senpai looked a little dazed. "K-Koizumi-san... Did I ever tell you pretty you looked? Will you kiss me?" Asahina-senpai drunkenly leaned in towards the kneeling figure of Itsuko Koizumi, while the normally calm brunette became flustered and embarassed. "Erm, ah, no, A-Asahina-senpai," said the esper girl as she attempted to push Asahina-senpai away, "I don't really think... I mean, surely you'll regret—"

Asahina-senpai, our drunken upperclassman, was slightly more the aggressor on his second attempt. "Kiss me!" Tsuruya-senpai, no longer being able to stand by and watch, had walked over toward the two. "Oy, oy, Mitsuuru-kun!" He said with an upset look on his face, "Don't do anythin' ya'll regret, nyoro!" The fanged upperclassman restrained the smaller boy; said smaller boy struggled a little in Tsuruya-senpai's grasp before giving up. Whether it was due to a drunken fatigue, the realization of how much weaker he was in comparison to his captor, or a combination of both, I don't know.

I wrenched my head away from the scene in disgust. "Not only Asahina-senpai, but Itsuko, too! Did you ever stop to wonder how she felt about this?!" I could only imagine what was running through Itsuko's head; while Asahina-senpai was a very darling little upperclassman, and attractive to boot, Haruki's insistance was that our upperclassman be drunk—one of the lowest states a man can be seen in. I mean, after all, I haven't met a girl yet who'd accept the catcalls of any inebriated boy, Taniguchi included.

"No. Why should I give a damn about any of your feelings? You're just my subordinates, every last one of you." I looked over toward Tsuruya-senpai, and it looked like even he was beginning to get upset at Haruki's rude proclamation. And it may have just been my imagination, but Nagato didn't seem to care much for Haruki's utterance either; this only made me more furious towards Haruki. I stared at the ground and clenched my fists so tightly my knuckles turned white. "Haruki..." I began. Itsuko, possibly sensing some sort of murderous aura resonating from me, had gotten up off her kneeling position. She hurried over to me and grabbed me by the arm, silently urging me to drop the conversation, but I yanked myself away from her violently.

I brought my head up, staring Haruki straight in the eyes. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" I screamed. "Is this how you treat your friends?! No wonder no one wants to be around you if you act like this to everybody!" Looks like I hit a nerve; Haruki's face contorted in an unbridled fury that could almost match mine! Baring his teeth, he shouted at me, "What's wrong?! I'm just playing with my toys!" I think...no, I know it was at this point I became hysterical! Not only insulting the gorgeous Asahina-senpai, but Itsuko, me, and everyone else in the room, too?! "Asahina-senpai is not your toy! We are not your toys! WE'RE PEOPLE, GODDAMMIT!!!" Tsuruya-senpai released Asahina-senpai, letting him flop onto the floor, then he hurried over to me and spoke. "Kyon-chan, I think ya've said a megas-amount already...!"

I ignored him. Haruki, totally unfazed by my madwoman's ravings, said, "I've decided that Mitsuuru-kun is my doll! And there's nothing you can do abou—"

Haruki didn't get to finish his sentence. In my berserk rage, I slapped him across the face with every ounce of strength I had! It left a very visible red mark on his left cheek. Everyone looked at the two of us dumbstruck, except for Nagato, who had the same expression as always, and Asahina-senpai, who was still in a daze on the floor. I curiously stared at Tsuruya-senpai; his look of shock turned to horror. "Haru-kun, Haru-kun, unclench that fist, dammit! Haru-kun, no—!!!" He dashed forward and tried to grab Haruki, but it was too late—!

...For the next thing I knew, I was in unimaginable pain, and there was blood down my front, ruining the entire top half of my uniform. I couldn't breathe through my nose anymore. I screamed at the top of my lungs—this time, not in anger, but in agony. I heard Tsuruya-senpai yelling, "Kyon-chan! Kyon-chan! Haru-kun, what the hell've ya done?!" I could tell that the tall upperclassman was beyond enraged. Tsuruya-senpai stood over Haruki, glaring angrily into his eyes. Haruki seemed to be in shock; there was blood on his right fist. Itsuko and Asahina-senpai were screaming. Nagato was holding me in his arms, cradling me. "Your normal facial condition has been altered and severely disrupted," Nagato said quietly.

I suddenly realized what had happened: Tsuruya-senpai wasn't quick enough to save me from my fate. Haruki...hit me.

That son of a bitch hit me!

"That'ts ith! I ab doth gonna be in dits club and be abootsed anymoh! Harakee, I quit!"

I didn't get the satisfaction of seeing the look on Haruki's face, though. Itsuko rushed up to me. "Kyon-chan, we need to get you to a hospital now. Nagato-san, Tsuruya-senpai, are you coming with?" Nagato nodded. "Affirmative. Haruki Suzumiya appears to be a danger in this state." Tsuruya-senpai gave no response, and with Itsuko's urgent insistence, we quickly rushed out of the room without waiting for one; I didn't even get to say goodbye to Asahina-senpai, who was left laying on the floor mumbling to himself. I heard Itsuko say something under her breath along the lines of, "Closed Space is accelerating..."

We left Tsuruya-senpai's room, sliding the door shut behind us. But we stopped in our tracks when we heard Tsuruya-senpai screaming. "What the fuck was that for, nyoro? A little girl hits ya, and ya break her goddamn nose?!" Something strange was coming over Haruki; I could tell by the sound of his voice... "K-Kyon's not a little g-girl..." Sounds like the asshole realizes he overreacted. How the mighty have fallen. "That ain't a FUCKIN' excuse!" The senpai screamed. "Ya need to be taught a megas-lesson!" We heard someone hit someone else hard, then blows being exchanged.

...What have I done?

This is all my fault; had I just stepped back and let Haruki do what he wanted, this never would've happened...

"We cannot allow anymore blood loss while she is like this," Nagato said to Itsuko, snapping the two of us back to reality.

"Uh, yes," Itsuko said. We walked on through the Tsuruya Mansion as she whipped out a cell phone from her skirt pocket, dialing a number. Perhaps someone from the Organization to drive us to a hosptial? After she hung up, Itsuko turned to me. She said nothing for a few moments, then meekly said, "...Thank you for standing up for me..."

"It...it was doh probleb..."

But in my heart, I knew that wasn't true. For my actions, there was going to be a mountain of problems...

Why did I decide to do this? This has been going through my head since we started discussing this scene. Why has it been doing so? I don't know. Why am I disparaging one of my favorite anime boys? Because he's an asshole. Not this much of an asshole, but still. Also for the lulz.

Even still, I'm not suggesting my fic be in the official writeup. It wouldn't get in, anyway—there's no way for this fic to be included unless Kaisos or anyone else wanted a reason to stop rewriting the novels.

For some bonus lulz, I originally thought this scene took place in the clubroom, thus it was written as such. The latest update has rectified this, however.

I hope this is enjoyed.

[Aebliss]

*pat pat* There, there. Sometimes inspiration strikes and you have to go with it. It doesn't always have to mean something.

[Roger Rambo]

Originally Posted by vivify93

*snip*

What the...?


To be fair, I don't think Tsuruya would say anything in response to Haruki doing this. He'd just walk over and head butt him..



Total bad end here.

[Triple_R]

Originally Posted by vivify93

I'm going to write more shitty stuff because this has been going through my head for a while now.

Spoiler for shoddy writing part deux!:

At that realization, I became furious and glowered with rage! "What?! You gave Asahina-senpai tequila?!"

Haruki glared back at me indignantly, as if I were his mother and told him he was grounded for getting an A+ on his paper. "Why not?" Haruki began. "If Mitsuuru-kun won't man up for this upcoming scene, then I'll just have to give him a little liquid courage!" Meanwhile, Asahina-san looked a little dazed. "K-Koizumi-san... Did I ever tell you pretty you looked?" Even the normally calm Itsuko Koizumi seemed a little flustered and uncomfortable at a drunked senpai hitting on her.

"Not only Asahina-senpai, but Itsuko, too! Did you ever stop to wonder how she felt about this?!" I could only imagine what Itsuko was going through. While Asahina-senpai was a very darling little senpai, and attractive to boot, Haruki's insistance was that our senpai be drunk. I mean, after all, I haven't met a girl yet who'd accept the catcalls of an inebriated boy--Taniguchi included.

"No. Why should I give a damn about any of your feelings? You're just my subordinates." I looked over toward Tsuruya-senpai. Even he was beginning to get upset at this. And it may have just been my imagination, but Nagato didn't seem to care much for Haruki utterance either. Itsuko had walked over toward me. She grabbed my arm, silently urging me to drop the conversation, but I pulled myself away from her violently.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I screamed. Hell, I was becoming hysterical here. Haruki just grinned predatorily and said, "What? I'm just playing with my toys." I hopped up and down and screamed, "Asahina-senpai is NOT your toy! WE are not your toys! WE'RE PEOPLE, GODDAMMIT!!!"

Haruki chuckled a little at my ravings and said, "I've decided that Mitsuuru-kun is my doll! And there's nothing you can do abou--"

Haruki didn't get to finish his sentence. In my unbridled fury, I had slapped him across the face with my full force. It had left a very visible red mark on his face. Tsuruya-senpai had a look of sheer horror on his face. He stepped forward and tried to grab Haruki, but it was too late.

...For the next thing I knew, I was in unimaginable pain, and there was blood down my front, ruining my uniform. I couldn't breathe through my nose anymore. I screamed at the top of my lungs, not in anger, but in agony. I heard Tsuruya-senpai say, "Kyon-chan! Kyon-chan! Haru-chan, what have you done?!" Itsuko and Mitsuuru were screaming. Nagato was holding me in his arms, cradling me.

I suddenly realized what had happened: Tsuruya-senpai wasn't quick enough to rescue me. Haruki...hit me.

That son of a bitch hit me!

"That'ts it! I ab dot gonna be in dits club and be abootsed anymoh! Harakee, I quit!"

I didn't get the satisfaction of seeing Haruki's face, though. Itsuko told me she was going to get me to a hospital.

...And again here I lost my will to write. Yeah, everyone's OOC as usual and my writing sucks, but at least I got my ideas out. Mmmm, I think I'll add a quick cop-out about Kyonko not getting to see his face, and Itsuko taking her to a hospital...

...Done! Everyone (AKA Heath) enjoy my shitty writing.

Why did I decide to do this? This has been going through my head since we started discussing this scene. Why has it been doing so? I don't know. Why am I disparaging my favorite anime boy? Because he's an asshole. Not this much of an asshole, but still.

And before anyone misinterprets me...

NO, I AM NOT SUGGESTING THIS BE IN THE OFFICIAL WRITEUP.

Dude... that was awesome! I loved it!

I particularly liked how you handled Kyonko.

Nice pure villain conception of Haruki. I wouldn't want it official either, but as an alternate view of things... it was very enjoyable to read.

[hotakesan]

Originally Posted by vivify93

I'm going to write more shitty stuff because this has been going through my head for a while now.

Spoiler for shoddy writing part deux!:

At that realization, I became furious and glowered with rage! "What?! You gave Asahina-senpai tequila?!"

Haruki glared back at me indignantly, as if I were his mother and told him he was grounded for getting an A+ on his paper. "Why not?" Haruki began. "If Mitsuuru-kun won't man up for this upcoming scene, then I'll just have to give him a little liquid courage!" Meanwhile, Asahina-san looked a little dazed. "K-Koizumi-san... Did I ever tell you pretty you looked?" Even the normally calm Itsuko Koizumi seemed a little flustered and uncomfortable at a drunked senpai hitting on her.

"Not only Asahina-senpai, but Itsuko, too! Did you ever stop to wonder how she felt about this?!" I could only imagine what Itsuko was going through. While Asahina-senpai was a very darling little senpai, and attractive to boot, Haruki's insistance was that our senpai be drunk. I mean, after all, I haven't met a girl yet who'd accept the catcalls of an inebriated boy--Taniguchi included.

"No. Why should I give a damn about any of your feelings? You're just my subordinates." I looked over toward Tsuruya-senpai. Even he was beginning to get upset at this. And it may have just been my imagination, but Nagato didn't seem to care much for Haruki utterance either. Itsuko had walked over toward me. She grabbed my arm, silently urging me to drop the conversation, but I pulled myself away from her violently.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I screamed. Hell, I was becoming hysterical here. Haruki just grinned predatorily and said, "What? I'm just playing with my toys." I hopped up and down and screamed, "Asahina-senpai is NOT your toy! WE are not your toys! WE'RE PEOPLE, GODDAMMIT!!!"

Haruki chuckled a little at my ravings and said, "I've decided that Mitsuuru-kun is my doll! And there's nothing you can do abou--"

Haruki didn't get to finish his sentence. In my unbridled fury, I had slapped him across the face with my full force. It had left a very visible red mark on his face. Tsuruya-senpai had a look of sheer horror on his face. He stepped forward and tried to grab Haruki, but it was too late.

...For the next thing I knew, I was in unimaginable pain, and there was blood down my front, ruining my uniform. I couldn't breathe through my nose anymore. I screamed at the top of my lungs, not in anger, but in agony. I heard Tsuruya-senpai say, "Kyon-chan! Kyon-chan! Haru-chan, what have you done?!" Itsuko and Mitsuuru were screaming. Nagato was holding me in his arms, cradling me.

I suddenly realized what had happened: Tsuruya-senpai wasn't quick enough to rescue me. Haruki...hit me.

That son of a bitch hit me!

"That'ts it! I ab dot gonna be in dits club and be abootsed anymoh! Harakee, I quit!"

I didn't get the satisfaction of seeing Haruki's face, though. Itsuko told me she was going to get me to a hospital.

...And again here I lost my will to write. Yeah, everyone's OOC as usual and my writing sucks, but at least I got my ideas out. Mmmm, I think I'll add a quick cop-out about Kyonko not getting to see his face, and Itsuko taking her to a hospital...

...Done! Everyone (AKA Heath) enjoy my shitty writing.

Why did I decide to do this? This has been going through my head since we started discussing this scene. Why has it been doing so? I don't know. Why am I disparaging my favorite anime boy? Because he's an asshole. Not this much of an asshole, but still.

And before anyone misinterprets me...

NO, I AM NOT SUGGESTING THIS BE IN THE OFFICIAL WRITEUP.

shoddy shitty writing my ass; that was bloody brilliant.

did not expect the haruki punch but it was most welcome - "that son of a bitch hit me!"

Personally, i wudnt mind if it was made official lol

[scify]

Originally Posted by vivify93

I'm going to write more shitty stuff because this has been going through my head for a while now.

Spoiler for shoddy writing part deux!:

At that realization, I became furious and glowered with rage! "What?! You gave Asahina-senpai tequila?!"

Haruki glared back at me indignantly, as if I were his mother and told him he was grounded for getting an A+ on his paper. "Why not?" Haruki began. "If Mitsuuru-kun won't man up for this upcoming scene, then I'll just have to give him a little liquid courage!" Meanwhile, Asahina-san looked a little dazed. "K-Koizumi-san... Did I ever tell you pretty you looked?" Even the normally calm Itsuko Koizumi seemed a little flustered and uncomfortable at a drunked senpai hitting on her.

"Not only Asahina-senpai, but Itsuko, too! Did you ever stop to wonder how she felt about this?!" I could only imagine what Itsuko was going through. While Asahina-senpai was a very darling little senpai, and attractive to boot, Haruki's insistance was that our senpai be drunk. I mean, after all, I haven't met a girl yet who'd accept the catcalls of an inebriated boy--Taniguchi included.

"No. Why should I give a damn about any of your feelings? You're just my subordinates." I looked over toward Tsuruya-senpai. Even he was beginning to get upset at this. And it may have just been my imagination, but Nagato didn't seem to care much for Haruki utterance either. Itsuko had walked over toward me. She grabbed my arm, silently urging me to drop the conversation, but I pulled myself away from her violently.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I screamed. Hell, I was becoming hysterical here. Haruki just grinned predatorily and said, "What? I'm just playing with my toys." I hopped up and down and screamed, "Asahina-senpai is NOT your toy! WE are not your toys! WE'RE PEOPLE, GODDAMMIT!!!"

Haruki chuckled a little at my ravings and said, "I've decided that Mitsuuru-kun is my doll! And there's nothing you can do abou--"

Haruki didn't get to finish his sentence. In my unbridled fury, I had slapped him across the face with my full force. It had left a very visible red mark on his face. Tsuruya-senpai had a look of sheer horror on his face. He stepped forward and tried to grab Haruki, but it was too late.

...For the next thing I knew, I was in unimaginable pain, and there was blood down my front, ruining my uniform. I couldn't breathe through my nose anymore. I screamed at the top of my lungs, not in anger, but in agony. I heard Tsuruya-senpai say, "Kyon-chan! Kyon-chan! Haru-chan, what have you done?!" Itsuko and Mitsuuru were screaming. Nagato was holding me in his arms, cradling me.

I suddenly realized what had happened: Tsuruya-senpai wasn't quick enough to rescue me. Haruki...hit me.

That son of a bitch hit me!

"That'ts it! I ab dot gonna be in dits club and be abootsed anymoh! Harakee, I quit!"

I didn't get the satisfaction of seeing Haruki's face, though. Itsuko told me she was going to get me to a hospital.

...And again here I lost my will to write. Yeah, everyone's OOC as usual and my writing sucks, but at least I got my ideas out. Mmmm, I think I'll add a quick cop-out about Kyonko not getting to see his face, and Itsuko taking her to a hospital...

...Done! Everyone (AKA Heath) enjoy my shitty writing.

Why did I decide to do this? This has been going through my head since we started discussing this scene. Why has it been doing so? I don't know. Why am I disparaging my favorite anime boy? Because he's an asshole. Not this much of an asshole, but still.

And before anyone misinterprets me...

NO, I AM NOT SUGGESTING THIS BE IN THE OFFICIAL WRITEUP.

Like the others, I rather liked this, and I don't think the characters are all that OOC, except maybe with Kyonko's hopping up and down. I wouldn't want this to be official, but that's mainly because I figure they'd get at most five minutes away from the school before Haruki destroyed everything/reset everything in a fit of despair.

Originally Posted by Jintor

NPR?

this being?

NPR stands for National Public Radio. It's one of the few true talk radio stations left in the US, and I'm apparently one of the only people in our generation who regularly listens to it for more then just Car Talk.

In this case, the host of a show called "On Point" and several commentators were discussing the fall line-up of television programs, and two of the guests referred to genre tropes when talking about new shows.

[Heatth]

Originally Posted by vivify93

I'm going to write more shitty stuff because this has been going through my head for a while now.

Spoiler for shoddy writing part deux!:

At that realization, I became furious and glowered with rage! "What?! You gave Asahina-senpai tequila?!"

Haruki glared back at me indignantly, as if I were his mother and told him he was grounded for getting an A+ on his paper. "Why not?" Haruki began. "If Mitsuuru-kun won't man up for this upcoming scene, then I'll just have to give him a little liquid courage!" Meanwhile, Asahina-san looked a little dazed. "K-Koizumi-san... Did I ever tell you pretty you looked?" Even the normally calm Itsuko Koizumi seemed a little flustered and uncomfortable at a drunked senpai hitting on her.

"Not only Asahina-senpai, but Itsuko, too! Did you ever stop to wonder how she felt about this?!" I could only imagine what Itsuko was going through. While Asahina-senpai was a very darling little senpai, and attractive to boot, Haruki's insistance was that our senpai be drunk. I mean, after all, I haven't met a girl yet who'd accept the catcalls of an inebriated boy--Taniguchi included.

"No. Why should I give a damn about any of your feelings? You're just my subordinates." I looked over toward Tsuruya-senpai. Even he was beginning to get upset at this. And it may have just been my imagination, but Nagato didn't seem to care much for Haruki utterance either. Itsuko had walked over toward me. She grabbed my arm, silently urging me to drop the conversation, but I pulled myself away from her violently.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I screamed. Hell, I was becoming hysterical here. Haruki just grinned predatorily and said, "What? I'm just playing with my toys." I hopped up and down and screamed, "Asahina-senpai is NOT your toy! WE are not your toys! WE'RE PEOPLE, GODDAMMIT!!!"

Haruki chuckled a little at my ravings and said, "I've decided that Mitsuuru-kun is my doll! And there's nothing you can do abou--"

Haruki didn't get to finish his sentence. In my unbridled fury, I had slapped him across the face with my full force. It had left a very visible red mark on his face. Tsuruya-senpai had a look of sheer horror on his face. He stepped forward and tried to grab Haruki, but it was too late.

...For the next thing I knew, I was in unimaginable pain, and there was blood down my front, ruining my uniform. I couldn't breathe through my nose anymore. I screamed at the top of my lungs, not in anger, but in agony. I heard Tsuruya-senpai say, "Kyon-chan! Kyon-chan! Haru-chan, what have you done?!" Itsuko and Mitsuuru were screaming. Nagato was holding me in his arms, cradling me.

I suddenly realized what had happened: Tsuruya-senpai wasn't quick enough to rescue me. Haruki...hit me.

That son of a bitch hit me!

"That'ts it! I ab dot gonna be in dits club and be abootsed anymoh! Harakee, I quit!"

I didn't get the satisfaction of seeing Haruki's face, though. Itsuko told me she was going to get me to a hospital.

...And again here I lost my will to write. Yeah, everyone's OOC as usual and my writing sucks, but at least I got my ideas out. Mmmm, I think I'll add a quick cop-out about Kyonko not getting to see his face, and Itsuko taking her to a hospital...

...Done! Everyone (AKA Heath) enjoy my shitty writing.

Why did I decide to do this? This has been going through my head since we started discussing this scene. Why has it been doing so? I don't know. Why am I disparaging my favorite anime boy? Because he's an asshole. Not this much of an asshole, but still.

And before anyone misinterprets me...

NO, I AM NOT SUGGESTING THIS BE IN THE OFFICIAL WRITEUP.

Amuzing. I liked that scene, it was a fun read. I don't really think they are OOC, Haruki is way more villanous then it is acceptable(hiting a girl when you are wrong is very bad and Tsuruya is too goody, but their personalitys still match. The problem would be Itsuko and Mitsuuru being too absent, tough you kinda solved it by makin then drunk.

[Nanao-kun]

Originally Posted by vivify93

I'm going to write more shitty stuff because this has been going through my head for a while now.

Spoiler for shoddy writing part deux!:

At that realization, I became furious and glowered with rage! "What?! You gave Asahina-senpai tequila?!"

Haruki glared back at me indignantly, as if I were his mother and told him he was grounded for getting an A+ on his paper. "Why not?" Haruki began. "If Mitsuuru-kun won't man up for this upcoming scene, then I'll just have to give him a little liquid courage!" Meanwhile, Asahina-san looked a little dazed. "K-Koizumi-san... Did I ever tell you pretty you looked?" Even the normally calm Itsuko Koizumi seemed a little flustered and uncomfortable at a drunked senpai hitting on her.

"Not only Asahina-senpai, but Itsuko, too! Did you ever stop to wonder how she felt about this?!" I could only imagine what Itsuko was going through. While Asahina-senpai was a very darling little senpai, and attractive to boot, Haruki's insistance was that our senpai be drunk. I mean, after all, I haven't met a girl yet who'd accept the catcalls of an inebriated boy--Taniguchi included.

"No. Why should I give a damn about any of your feelings? You're just my subordinates." I looked over toward Tsuruya-senpai. Even he was beginning to get upset at this. And it may have just been my imagination, but Nagato didn't seem to care much for Haruki utterance either. Itsuko had walked over toward me. She grabbed my arm, silently urging me to drop the conversation, but I pulled myself away from her violently.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I screamed. Hell, I was becoming hysterical here. Haruki just grinned predatorily and said, "What? I'm just playing with my toys." I hopped up and down and screamed, "Asahina-senpai is NOT your toy! WE are not your toys! WE'RE PEOPLE, GODDAMMIT!!!"

Haruki chuckled a little at my ravings and said, "I've decided that Mitsuuru-kun is my doll! And there's nothing you can do abou--"

Haruki didn't get to finish his sentence. In my unbridled fury, I had slapped him across the face with my full force. It had left a very visible red mark on his face. Tsuruya-senpai had a look of sheer horror on his face. He stepped forward and tried to grab Haruki, but it was too late.

...For the next thing I knew, I was in unimaginable pain, and there was blood down my front, ruining my uniform. I couldn't breathe through my nose anymore. I screamed at the top of my lungs, not in anger, but in agony. I heard Tsuruya-senpai say, "Kyon-chan! Kyon-chan! Haru-chan, what have you done?!" Itsuko and Mitsuuru were screaming. Nagato was holding me in his arms, cradling me.

I suddenly realized what had happened: Tsuruya-senpai wasn't quick enough to rescue me. Haruki...hit me.

That son of a bitch hit me!

"That'ts it! I ab dot gonna be in dits club and be abootsed anymoh! Harakee, I quit!"

I didn't get the satisfaction of seeing Haruki's face, though. Itsuko told me she was going to get me to a hospital.

...And again here I lost my will to write. Yeah, everyone's OOC as usual and my writing sucks, but at least I got my ideas out. Mmmm, I think I'll add a quick cop-out about Kyonko not getting to see his face, and Itsuko taking her to a hospital...

...Done! Everyone (AKA Heath) enjoy my shitty writing.

Why did I decide to do this? This has been going through my head since we started discussing this scene. Why has it been doing so? I don't know. Why am I disparaging my favorite anime boy? Because he's an asshole. Not this much of an asshole, but still.

And before anyone misinterprets me...

NO, I AM NOT SUGGESTING THIS BE IN THE OFFICIAL WRITEUP.

Shit, I was going to write a different interpretation on what could've happened but I mistakenly pressed ctrl+A followed by backspace. So I lost it.

[Heatth]

Originally Posted by HikariNiwa

Shit, I was going to write a different interpretation on what could've happened but I mistakenly pressed ctrl+A followed by backspace. So I lost it.

...You could have used ctrl+z, you know.

[silvita]

doesn't change the fact that he whent back and the post was lost.

[dkellis]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

The problem is doing that scene within first-person narration.

Maybe have Kyonko catch a glimpse of that as Itsuko is having her driven home or something.

I admit that I've not read much of Sighs, because I dislike emotional conflict in my entertainment, so I'm not as familiar with the canon there.

My impression was mostly Itsuko telling Kyonko about the aftermath, and then Kyonko imagines Haruki doing the lonely walk thing. Maybe Haruki actually did it, maybe he didn't; the mental image should be enough, I think.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

Would Kyonko really be thinking about Haruki being all mopey, though?

[dkellis]

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

Would Kyonko really be thinking about Haruki being all mopey, though?

If Itsuko Subtly Hints at something like that, probably. It could be a way to make Kyonko feel at least a little guilty, by describing the aftermath using leading and loaded words.

Whether or not it succeeds is another matter.