A Laugh A Day

[Caldron]

Originally Posted by Thrasher187

Spoiler for Azumanga Parody Comics:

Spoiler for Funny pic:

The AzuMario Bros. xD

Originally Posted by Thrasher187

Spoiler for Evil Pikachu xD:

RAWR!! PIKA!!

ROFLOL, those rock xD

[Stephanie]

Maria-sama Doujinshi!

Spoiler for Sei and Candy:

Sei is tired and wants to put off the work she and Youko are doing. Sei wants something sweet to eat, and she notices that Rei is eating something. Rei apologizes, saying the sweet she just ate is the last one she has. So Sei decides to just take that one. Then she doesn't like it, so she gives it back. Shimako and Youko both tell a perplexed Rei to "give it back" even though it was never theirs in the first place. Yumi tells Sei that she has a coffee-flavored candy, so Sei takes that one instead. Then Yumi grabs Sei and, uh, yeah. Go Yumi!

Source: www.lililicious.net

[Stephanie]

Well, nothing much..

Here goes:

----------------

3 girls asked their dad's permission to go on dates..

Girl1: Dad, I'm going out with PETE to EAT

Girl2: I'm going out with LANCE to DANCE

Girl3: I'm going out with CHUCK to...

Dad: HELL NO!! YOU STAY HERE!!



----------------

one day, a buS driver waS
offered a handfuL of
peanutS by an oLd Lady,
which he gratefuLLy
munched up. the oLd Lady
repeatedLy gave peanutS to
the driver eight more timeS.
but on the ninth time, the
driver aSked the oLd Lady
why She didn't eat the
peanutS herSelf. the oLd
Lady repLied that it waS not
poSSible becauSe She had
no teeth. "why then do you
buy them?" the driver
aSked, puzzled. the oLd
Lady anSwered "i juSt Love
d
chocol8s
around
dem.Ü

[Pendevous]

Found this great joke in the first pages of this thread!

Spoiler for Joke posted by JanthaX^:

Originally Posted by JanthraX^

the penis requesting a raise!
Dear Management,



I, the Penis, hereby request a raise for the following reasons: -



I, do physical labour;

I work at great depths;

I plunge head first into everything I do;

I do not get weekends or holidays off;

I work in a damp environment;

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation;

I work in high temperatures;

My work exposes me to contagious diseases



Sincerely,



The Penis.



Management Response: -



Dear Penis,



After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: -



You do not work eight hours a day;

You fall asleep after a brief work period;

You do not always follow the orders of the Management team;

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations;

You do not take initiative;

You need to be pressured and simulated in order to start working;

You leave the work place rather messy at the end of your shift;

You do not always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing;

You will retire well before you are 65;

You are unable to work double shifts;

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed your assigned tasks;

And if that was not enough, you are constantly seen entering and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious looking bags;



Sincerely,



The Management.
Reply With Quote

+ 1 more joke:

Spoiler for several jokes:

[quote]Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what
had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
.................................................. .................

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much
would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
.................................................. ........................

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am
scolding you now.
.................................................. ........................

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
.................................................. ........................

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of
breaking plates,
then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
.................................................. ........................

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

--------------------------------------------------

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

--------------------------------------------------

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

------------------------------------------

Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your
brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!/quote]

[Thrasher187]

Spoiler for Funny Comics:

[jedinat]

Originally Posted by Stephanie

Maria-sama Doujinshi!

Spoiler for Sei and Candy:

Sei is tired and wants to put off the work she and Youko are doing. Sei wants something sweet to eat, and she notices that Rei is eating something. Rei apologizes, saying the sweet she just ate is the last one she has. So Sei decides to just take that one. Then she doesn't like it, so she gives it back. Shimako and Youko both tell a perplexed Rei to "give it back" even though it was never theirs in the first place. Yumi tells Sei that she has a coffee-flavored candy, so Sei takes that one instead. Then Yumi grabs Sei and, uh, yeah. Go Yumi!

Source: www.lililicious.net

lol, nice. The art looks like its from the mangaka of Strawberry Shake.

[User65554]

Originally Posted by Thrasher187

Spoiler for Funny Comics:

lol. That last one reminded me of this (at 1:30 in)

[Thrasher187]

Originally Posted by VK-Pitt

lol. That last one reminded me of this (at 1:30 in)

Lolz! It is similar to that! xD That guy was complete with a fake safety cirtificate and everything!

Ride Attendant: "...And 2 quid extra if he doesn't bring the ring back"
Parent: "Is that likely?"
Ride Attendant: "Uhhh........yah."

[anti-random]

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much
would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!

exactly what i would say

[Pendevous]

Got that right! ^_^

A young fellow by the name of Sammy liked to hang out at Mom and Pop's Grocery Store. Pop didn't know what Sammy's problem was, but the other boys would tease him all the time, calling him Slow Sammy, and punching him on the shoulder as they passed.

To mock him for being slow, they would offer him a dime and a nickel, telling him he could have just one. They said he always took the nickel because it was bigger.

One day after Sammy took the nickel, Pop pulled him to one side and said, "Son, don't you know they're making fun of you? They think you don't know that the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you really grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

"No," Sammy said, "but if I took the dime they'd quit doing it!"

There are these two guys driving a car. When the guy driving blows right through the red light.

"Man, you just ran that red light!", the passenger said.

"Don't worry, my brother does it all the time," said the driver.

Well, they continue to drive when the guy went flying through another stop light.

"You ran ANOTHER stop light. You are going to get us killed!!!" exclaimed the passenger.

"Don't worry, my brother does it all the time, the driver said.

After a while they came to a green light when the guy stopped.

"Why are you stopping?"

The driver turned around and said, "Because my brother might be coming!"

[anti-random]

A young fellow by the name of Sammy liked to hang out at Mom and Pop's Grocery Store. Pop didn't know what Sammy's problem was, but the other boys would tease him all the time, calling him Slow Sammy, and punching him on the shoulder as they passed.

To mock him for being slow, they would offer him a dime and a nickel, telling him he could have just one. They said he always took the nickel because it was bigger.

One day after Sammy took the nickel, Pop pulled him to one side and said, "Son, don't you know they're making fun of you? They think you don't know that the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you really grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

"No," Sammy said, "but if I took the dime they'd quit doing it!"

That is one smart kid. I would never have thought of doing that.

[Stephanie]

Originally Posted by Mad Dog

Sparta Strips

OMG!! lol, they are

Spoiler for DVD Rewinder:

Spoiler for Sharp Edges:

Spoiler for Nicholas Cage:

Spoiler for THIS IS SPARTA!!:

Spoiler for stupidity:

Spoiler for kidsexchange:

Spoiler for Bushy Jokes:

Spoiler for Teh Italiano:

I am an Italiano. One day ima gonna L.A. to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to t he toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma b****. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma b****. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings m e a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma b****. So I go back to my room ina hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna s***. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna s*** on my bed. He say you better not s*** onna bed, you sonna ma b****. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you." I say piss on you too, you sonna ma b****, I gonna back to Italy!''

[KasumiGirl]

I thought this was pretty funny:

[Thrasher187]

Originally Posted by Stephanie

OMG!! lol, they are

Spoiler for THIS IS SPARTA!!:

Spoiler for kidsexchange:

Spoiler for Bushy Jokes:

Spoiler for Teh Italiano:

I am an Italiano. One day ima gonna L.A. to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to t he toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma b****. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma b****. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings m e a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma b****. So I go back to my room ina hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna s***. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna s*** on my bed. He say you better not s*** onna bed, you sonna ma b****. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you." I say piss on you too, you sonna ma b****, I gonna back to Italy!''

These are my favorites out of them all!
I love the Bush jokes!

[RavenHawk]

You know one of my favorite phenomenon jokes would be, "Chuck Norris Facts". Here're some of my favorites that I found and mind you, I laugh at each and everyone of them:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.


I made some myself. Keep in mind these are my originals:

Spoiler for My original Chuck Norris Facts:

Chuck Norris invented the letter "V". He got pissed off by the letter "W" that he just gave it a roundhouse kick to the side.

Who needs a meat tenderizer mallet when you can have Chuck Norris? Heck, it only takes one well placed roundhouse kick to tenderize your meats.

Chuck Norris can milk a cow and make steaks out of it by squeezing its torso.

One stare from Chuck Norris can turn a bunch of grapes into raisins. They just shrivel in fear.

[Thrasher187]

Spoiler for For funny Bush Piks (^_-)v:

[Stephanie]

lol at Bushy jokes..
Wow, didn't know Americans see him as ignorant empty headed.. *hurray*



Will it blend? That is the question:

Spoiler for Craziness!!:

Spoiler for Thanks Giving:

Eww.. lol

Spoiler for Ipod:

Teh Ipod!! Nooo!! D:

Spoiler for Rake Handle:

This guy uses his super power blender to make silly juices..

Eww-ness..

Spoiler:

Spoiler for World's Largest Zit is Popped!:

Spoiler for info, do not open until video is watched:

Unfortunately, this is fake, so laugh at you!

Spoiler for Bionic Burger:

McDonald's Immortal Burger!

Spoiler for SUPER GROSS!! SKIP IT IF I WERE YOU:

Spoiler for I said do NOT open for weak of heart!:

Spoiler for I warned you!!:

Elephant Eating Poop

[User65554]

Originally Posted by LastRaven

Spoiler for Space and Chuck Norris Facts:

You know one of my favorite phenomenon jokes would be, "Chuck Norris Facts". Here're some of my favorites that I found and mind you, I laugh at each and everyone of them:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.


I made some myself. Keep in mind these are my originals:

Spoiler for My original Chuck Norris Facts:

Chuck Norris invented the letter "V". He got pissed off by the letter "W" that he just gave it a roundhouse kick to the side.

Who needs a meat tenderizer mallet when you can have Chuck Norris? Heck, it only takes one well placed roundhouse kick to tenderize your meats.

Chuck Norris can milk a cow and make steaks out of it by squeezing its torso.

One stare from Chuck Norris can turn a bunch of grapes into raisins. They just shrivel in fear.

Nice, but I still prefer Jack Bauer facts.

Edit

Spoiler for Some Facts:

The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef, then it's goddamn beef.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.

...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."

Jack Bauer was nominated for an Emmy for playing Kiefer Sutherland.

Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.

Jack Bauer always tests positive for steroids. Not that he uses steroids. It's because steroids are made from Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer doesn't have a refresh button on his web browser. All events take place in real time.

James Bond has a license to kill. Jack Bauer was his instructor.

When 24 airs on the Spanish channel everyones lines are translated except for Jack's. This is because nobody speaks for Jack Bauer.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

Jack Bauer has never caught a cold. How do we know? Colds still exist.

If everyone on 24 followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called 12. Seconds.

When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."

[RavenHawk]

Originally Posted by VK-Pitt

Nice, but I still prefer Jack Bauer facts.

Edit

Spoiler for Some Facts:

The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef, then it's goddamn beef.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.

...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."

Jack Bauer was nominated for an Emmy for playing Kiefer Sutherland.

Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.

Jack Bauer always tests positive for steroids. Not that he uses steroids. It's because steroids are made from Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer doesn't have a refresh button on his web browser. All events take place in real time.

James Bond has a license to kill. Jack Bauer was his instructor.

When 24 airs on the Spanish channel everyones lines are translated except for Jack's. This is because nobody speaks for Jack Bauer.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

Jack Bauer has never caught a cold. How do we know? Colds still exist.

If everyone on 24 followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called 12. Seconds.

When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."

Yeah I like Jack Bauer Facts too.

[Thrasher187]

Some Engrish for ya:

Spoiler for Engrish xD: