2008-11-25, 22:26 | Link #1001 | ||
Honyaku no Hime
Fansubber
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
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I'm not sure i'll go with dating being related to divorces and men have had the luxury of promiscuity or mistresses for centuries, the only difference now is women aren't stoned for it should they stray, (in the West) but it's still a horrible act to bestill on someone else no matter who does it. The reason we got into this side of the debate was cause i personally don't see relationships without kids or marriages a sign that couples are any less devoted to each other than a couple who are married and do have kids. There are many special relationships that exist on both sides and there are many terrible and tragic ones too. The rest, yeah we already went over it some weeks ago, so I know your view already
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2008-11-25, 22:47 | Link #1002 | ||
Emotionless White Face
Join Date: Feb 2008
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The problem are medias pressure, friends pressure, society pressure, parents pressure. From both side, sometimes people do something not because they think they are right, but because they feel forced to do it. Even now, nothing has changed about that. And in France, I think that going against the current society is taboo. The books who promote the current situation are promoted, the ones who denounce some pressures never get the highlights from the magazines and debates. The debates that promote it are more often in prime time than the few others that are aired very late in night. A bit unfair if you ask me. To make a choice that will have a better chance to please you through the time, you have to be aware of the opinions from both sides, not only one Quote:
So yeah, what i said can work this way too. You can choose a different path and find happiness ^^. I hope I was not misuderstood the last time we talked. I express my feelings from my point of view, but I know that this is a matter of point of view. What is right in my eyes, could be seen as wrong in my neightbor eyes. |
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2008-11-26, 03:47 | Link #1003 | |
Nani ?
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Emerald Forest ( yes its a real place. )
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Cat A: Women I would not do. ( about 25% of the female population near my age ) Cat B: Women I would do. ( the remaining 75% ) If you can't tell, I really don't put much weight on looks. Its either a pass or fail deal and after that its all personality. This is were the girl I was stuck with failed. Sure she was a nice person on the outside, but working with her was a nightmare...to make a long story short her kindness turned out to be a typical mask to hide her true immature self. She wanted me to do all the work because "I'm a hot chick and your a geek so you should worship me." it wasn't those exact words but it was basically what she said and summed up her mentality quite nicely. This ended with me giving in, pretending to do all the work ( in reality I went home and played Quake II ) and then purposely showing up in class without the project giving us both an F for the assignment ( I had an A+ in the class at the time anyways so I didn't give a shit ). Was it a bit immature of me to do that ? Yes, but the look on her face was priceless. I wouldn't have done it again any differently. If her parents/boyfriend wouldn't teach her that the world didn't owe her anything for being "Pretty" then someone needed to do it. The point is, this is a person who had had at least 40 different boyfriends despite only being a Junior. Most relationships lasting only 3 weeks ~ 2 months. And yet, with all that experience behind her she never figured out that there is more to being with someone then just being attractive. Experience only means something if you are capable of realizing that the one consistent link in all your failures is yourself, and learn something from it. Otherwise it doesn't matter if you go out with 1 or 1000 different people, a moron is still a moron. |
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2008-11-27, 04:14 | Link #1006 | |||||
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
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If say two people were virgins prior to marriage and before marriage they courted for however long. Then on the day of their marriage, when they believe they are ready for a long term commitment, they lose their virginity with the intention of having a child. I guarantee that couple is far more likely to last their entire lives than a couple who doesn't get married, moves in together, with premarital sex, with no oaths or dedication. Quote:
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As for freedom for women to join the work force, great for them. The problem is the outside social pressure for them to work instead of becoming a homemaker. Feminism as they have called it didn't just come with liberty, but massive social change, pressure, and expectations. I pity women in modern society for what has essentially been a hard press push to get women to choose work over family. To the benefit of big business, I might add. Working is one of the most stressful things in life and one of the least satisfying, especially when you don't have a family to work for. I think most mothers of the previous generation would say homemaking is hard work, but satisfying. I think Hollywood has glamorized the freedom of working for oneself and is responsible for a lot of malcontent people have in their relationship. A faux carrot is dangled in front of them every time they turn on the TV. It is the same with these mythical prince/princess true love relationships which were once apart of children tales, but have somehow become apart of every day entertainment. Homemakers are at home watching this poison every single day. I would also point out that women joining the work force almost doubled the competition for jobs. It reduced the overall wages of everyone and is one of the key reasons why it takes two people working to support a family instead of just one. So women who would like to be a homemaker or have lots of children, are forced into the work force. This puts a major strain on the entire family. Quote:
The illnesses of modern Western society have put a strain on the psyche of everyone. All negative factors are up: stress, loneliness, divorce. I am not saying marriage and having children is some miracle cure, but it can help in an already burdened society. Last edited by harmonious; 2008-11-27 at 04:33. |
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2008-11-27, 08:50 | Link #1007 | |
Emotionless White Face
Join Date: Feb 2008
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Well, that's true that some girls and boys like her exist ^^. They use their look as a tool. As if that would make them exceptional. Is it badto act like that? Some might say yes. You can be pleased by your body without having to use it as a mean to obtain what you desire. On the opposite side, if a person goes out with a girl just because she is pretty (I mean, if he is just interested about her looks), i don't see how it could last long. Anyway, all the pretty girls are not like her. Despite what some people think, some pretty girls also have a brain, or at least have different ways of living than what you saw with that girl. |
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2008-11-27, 12:39 | Link #1008 | |||||||
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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And there's nothing wrong with that way of thinking, but there has to be a threshold. In high school it was rare to find a relationship that wasn't superficial. People spent time together, kissed, and hugged, but it seemed more that they were going through the motions than that they really knew and cared for what they were doing. In the university setting and beyond you'll still find those superficial relationships, but you can't let your fear of those get in your way. Like you, I wanted to cut through the garbage and date seriously. I wasn't in it for the game aspect of it, I was in it to find a life partner, someone I could share everything with and have everything shared back with in turn; a friend like no other, someone I could completely depend on. How do you find someone like that? There are no external cues, and any notion of a sixth sense alerting you to her (or him) is either a mental delusion or a hormonal kick in the pants. No, you need to find this person through reasoning and feeling, which means you need to get out there and start learning about people on a more intimate level. This is how you'll discover not only whether those people are right for you or not, but also what true compatibility is for you. You may think you know yourself well enough to be able to choose what traits are desirable and undesirable, but you can't know for sure until you've actually gone through the experience. In short, you can date with the expectation and devotion that the person will be with you for life - but you should get out there. If you find a highly compatible person on the first try, great! If not, then it's a learning experience. Just because some people date for the sake of dating and "being with someone" that they really don't care about doesn't mean that you and others like you (and me) can't date sincerely. And if you find someone superficial who's only with you for the sake of being with someone, then you know what to do. Quote:
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I am not saying that the experience of premarital sex or massive dating is necessary. The point is that if someone wants to be a virgin until they're married, or if they really want to be in a life-long relationship, that's fine. It's perfectly possible to do those things without feeling remorseful or unconfident about yourself and your decision. However, you must make the decision yourself and know why you made it. If you're doing it just because it matches someone else's expectation then it's doomed to failure. I believe that the superficial dating and relationships that we've both cited are offshoots of that: people know that a boy and a girl (and soon, a boy and a boy or a girl and a girl) who harbor even slight attraction to one another can enter a relationship, and that society tends to fawn over relationships. Thus, without recognizing what they want from a relationship or what a relationship truly means, they enter into it. There's the disaster that you're citing, and it isn't limited to casual dating. Quote:
Perhaps many men either haven't caught on or were always doomed to be poor compromisers, negotiators, and diplomats. Even the most highly compatible couple needs diplomacy from both people involved to keep the relationship happy and healthy. I think you're incorrectly identifying the factor that is to blame. Quote:
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Many pretty girls do have a brain and are intelligent. The trouble is that when they're very pretty they're treated differently by those around them. In many ways they're indoctrinated into a sub-society where pretty girls are the norm and not one of them is valued for their personality or their intelligence. If they ever accept that sort of scenario and become comfortable with it then they are changed by it and will conform to how those types of girls behave. Those are my observations, anyway. Exceptions exist, but I'd imagine that it's more due to the environment that the girl is in.
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Last edited by Ledgem; 2008-11-28 at 17:55. Reason: Spelling error |
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2008-11-27, 13:42 | Link #1010 | ||
Emotionless White Face
Join Date: Feb 2008
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And about the other girls, it doesn't mean that the normal girls have all a normal life. In fact, I don't see a real difference between the normal and pretty girls. Some of them from both side have a normal life, and some of them have different life, in some VIP worlds for example. I will be kinda harsh about the other half, but if they accept to become part of a sub-society without thinking about it and what could happen, then they are not so intelligent in my eyes, or they choose that because they really want to do be part of it. But since it's not my life, I never said anything to that kind of girls. I just avoid them. Quote:
And I didn't mean anything. I just wanted to warn the people to not generalize about the pretty girls. Last edited by Narona; 2008-11-27 at 13:56. |
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2008-11-27, 14:36 | Link #1011 | |
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: A big house near a big pool!
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Are you angry at me? I apologize if I said something not good |
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2008-11-27, 15:02 | Link #1012 | |
Nani ?
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Emerald Forest ( yes its a real place. )
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The same thing carries over to the typical above average looking person ( this goes for both male and female ). A gorgeous looking individual has just as much a chance to be a genius as the next person, the problem comes when they start allowing the way the world treats them to get to their head. They start thinking the outside matters more, and thus they start using whats on the inside less. This is the real reason pretty people are stereotyped as being dumber then everyone else - its not so much that they are actually stupid, they just don't use their brains because they don't need to in order to have a place in society. Sad, but that's how it is. In the case that you do meet a person who is both pretty and appears to be smart, most of the time they will also have a very introverted personality to go with it. |
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2008-11-27, 15:47 | Link #1013 |
Sleepy Head zzzz.....
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: London, England
Age: 34
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I believe marriage is not as important as before and is more of a joke really. Due to the divorce rates, theres an increase in lone parent family's out there in society. I think the divorce rates increased due to secularization, people don't believe in religion no more to carry on with there marriage like in the past.
Oaths and vows are seen very pointless and the commitment is not valued anymore, as the values change then theres bound to be more divorces, then later on the male or female will marry someone else again to only get divorced. There is also an argument that the wedding is an enjoyable time, that both genders love to be in such a position that they which to repeat such an occasion. this leads me to conclude that true love is hard to find but there are people I know who have been with there loved ones for ages. This leads me to think that dating is almost the same but at a smaller level. |
2008-11-27, 16:07 | Link #1014 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: UK
Age: 14
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2009-02-27, 09:53 | Link #1015 |
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
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Getting a girlfriend?
I'm 19, college freshman, and I've never had a girlfriend (or kissed a girl for that matter). I've never been on a date and only ever approached one girl (obviously rejected). I'm not great-looking but not bad looking either. Girls call me "cute" but I think they mean in a more "Awww I wanna hug him!" way rather than actually being physically attracted to me. I have a good sense of humor and I'm nice to everyone but I'm also not a pushover and will refuse to do certain things for people. I have many female friends at school, but I just can never seem to get beyond the friends stage. It seems like all the girls want to be my friend but not my girlfriend. How can I escalate things beyond this? I'm interested in several of my friends, but I really don't know what to do. Do I just ask them out? Luckily I'm not in "love" with any of them because I believe you can't love someone till you've had a romantic relationship for a long time so it's not like I'll be confessing my feelings to them in some dramatic way, I just want a date or two.
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2009-02-27, 10:24 | Link #1016 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: 28° 37', North ; 77° 13', East
Age: 33
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Last edited by oompa loompa; 2009-02-27 at 11:50. |
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2009-02-27, 12:10 | Link #1018 | |
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Polishing Weapons...Btw,read "Until Death Do Us Part" ^_^
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You sound like you are nice guy, but a little bit detached. Don't concentrate on love.... Yes ask them out! What have you to lose? ADVICE...(General) *I posted somewhere else and I don't feel like editing. Since you are not sure ask her out casually. It doesn't necessarily have to be a date Just say are you busy on [/insert day of choice and time] ? Wait for an answer and then take it from there. I know you don't want to ruin a friendship but it's a chance you have to take. Unrequited feelings can also ruin a friendship. So you might as well go for it. I know it's easier said than done. So just ask her as friend. If she accepts go on date/outing. If it goes well ask her again, and then continue on that route until she either figures it out, things progress naturally, or you get the nerve to tell her why. (Although if you keep asking her out. She should figure it out) If she seeks you out, talks to you a lot, and makes frequent eye-contact with you. Or averts her eyes every time you look at her.<--that means she's looking at you. You are more than halfway there. (Don't worry if she talks about other guys right now. She may just be saying that to gauge your reaction. Girls do that some times. If she does it once she is certain of your feelings. Then it's not a good sign) Don't rush because not all relationships happen in an instant. P.S...try asking for her phone number first. If she gives you the number and actually answers your calls. You are on your way. ^_^ Some guys get stuck in the friend zone. Let me think on it. I never thought about how not to get stuck in it. I can tell you, its you... |
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2009-02-27, 13:10 | Link #1019 | |
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
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About phone numbers, I already have most of them! Everyone gives out their number to anyone here. Plus I see them probably more than 10 times a day (remember, I live with these people in a dorm though some are outside of my dorm and live in other dorms) so not many people use their phone unless that person's not in their room. |
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2009-02-27, 13:13 | Link #1020 | |
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Polishing Weapons...Btw,read "Until Death Do Us Part" ^_^
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In a nutshell, thats what you are saying... (Its all in the delivery) |
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Tags |
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
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