The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya [Spoilers Aplenty]

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by Kang Seung Jae

I want to take Kyonko home!!!!!

Me too...

Originally Posted by Jintor

Gragh.

I really need to editjob the start of the Asakura fight...

Yes, yes you do.

Originally Posted by Red225

But, but Yuuki ALREADY took Kyon home! Though with less of the, y'know, murdering

I noticed a couple of misplaced 'her' and 'she' pronouns in the fight scene... too tired to edit right now XD

Gottdammerung. I'm too tired to bother going through it too...

Originally Posted by Cat Megex

On the subject of Higurashi...just finished watching episodes 7 & 8.



Crazy Mion is crazy.

It gets crazier when you find out the truth behind that arc... and my god, that arc has the best first and last episodes of the entirety of Higurashi.

[CanadaAotS]

Originally Posted by Aebliss

Well, now ... Though I would have appreciated a slightly more nuanced judgment from Discreet, it isn't nice to put labels like that on people.

Eh I wouldn't have said it if it wasn't a title Discreet bestowed upon himself. lol.

Originally Posted by Discreet

*puts on fascist hat*

It is... unnecessary.

^- See? lol. Btw, what does a Fascist Hat look like anyway?

Originally Posted by Tunafishisgood

XD .... I found something interesting. Well.... we all have our own opinions..

So this video iswas just a crazy fangirl being butthurt over kyonkoisim? :P

/a/ get's kinda pissy about it too. The last Kyonko thread I saw got image sage bombed pretty badly lol.

Originally Posted by Kang Seung Jae

I want to take Kyonko home!!!!!

I'm pretty sure we all want to take Kyonko home...
OMOCHIKAERI~!

[sosoft]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Finally, Chapter 5 is done. Man, this one was hard and it's just going to get worse.

Spoiler for Chapter 5, Final: Asakura Fight and Asakura Aftermath:

snip

I find the aftermath rather funny, because, in Higurashi, "transferring out" is used as a creepy euphemism for "dying horribly and mysteriously".

Fits well, don't it?

Woot i enjoyed this chapter alot. Btw what's with the SQL?

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by CanadaAotS

/a/ get's kinda pissy about it too. The last Kyonko thread I saw got image sage bombed pretty badly lol.

I'm in despair! Those who miss the point of Suzumiya Haruhi no Seitenkan have left me in despair!

Seriously though, it's an honor to be hated by that rabid pack of douchefuckers, apparently. It means we're well known.

GOD I HATE 4CHAN.

(Disclaimer: Anything I say when I'm this tired should not be taken seriously.)

Originally Posted by sosoft

Woot i enjoyed this chapter alot. Btw what's with the SQL?

It's in the original. It's how Nagato originally did data manipulation, before it was retconned into her speaking really quickly.

In the anime, if you slow down what she's saying and play it backwards, it's just SQL statements.

[Cat Megex]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

It gets crazier when you find out the truth behind that arc... and my god, that arc has the best first and last episodes of the entirety of Higurashi.

I did find it odd that the little clip at the beginning of the arc (with Rika stabbing herself in the head...repeatedly...) wasn't in the arc itself; does that have something to do with it?

...Anyway, no more off-topicness from me tonight, for 'tis bedtime!


EDIT: Wait...just thought of something. Is it true that Asakura's sped-up talking isn't actually a set of SQL statements? I had heard/read something to that effect.....

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by Cat Megex

I did find it odd that the little clip at the beginning of the arc (with Rika stabbing herself in the head...repeatedly...) wasn't in the arc itself; does that have something to do with it?

Yuuuup, that'd be it.

[Aebliss]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Finally, Chapter 5 is done. Man, this one was hard and it's just going to get worse.

Spoiler for Chapter 5, Final: Asakura Fight and Asakura Aftermath:

"Your programs were too basic." Nagato said in his usual expressionless tone. "The data lockdown around the ceiling area was incomplete. That is why I was able to discover it and enter."

"You want to get in my way?" Asakura still sounded perfectly calm. "Once I slaughter this girl, Suzumiya Haruki is bound to have some sort of reaction. Only then can we obtain more data."

"You are supposed to be my backup." Nagato said in a mantra-like tone, "This sort of insubordination is forbidden; you must obey my commands."

"What if I refuse?"

"Then I will disconnect your data interface."

"Would you like to try? I have the advantage here, since this classroom belongs to the scope of my data control."

"Processing application for data interface disconnection."

"What?!"

As Asakura heard this, he wrenched his katana out of Nagato's grasp and jumped five meters away. Seeing this scene, I couldn't help but realize it – these two really aren't human.

Opening up the distance in an instant, Asakura landed gracefully and continued smiling as usual.

The space around began to distort – that's the only way I can describe it. The desks, the ceiling and floor all shook vigorously; though I couldn't really see what was happening, they were taking on the appearance of liquid metal.
“Well then,” Asakura said. “Let's see how you handle this!”

[Editor’s note: The next paragraph needs a lot of work... Jintor, if you could help out a bit here, that’d be great.]

Everything in the room slowly started taking on the appearance of spears, and, the next second, crystallized spear-like objects flew from all directions towards us with lightning fast speed. It was already a moment later when I discovered Nagato blocking those spears with the same amazing speed. As the dust cleared, Asakura charged forward, waving his katana widly.
Panicking, I tried to turn and run, but Nagato grabbed my arm.

"Do not move away."

He dodged Asakura's attacks while pushing my head down so that I would kneel and hide behind him.

"Aaaah!" I screamed as an unknown object flew over my head and smashed the blackboard to pieces.

Nagato looked upwards a little, and in an instant, icicles sprouted from the ceiling and fell towards Asakura, who dodged at a speed that couldn't be seen with the naked eye. Instantly, a forest of icicles formed on the ground.

"This area of space belongs to me. There’s no way you can win." Asakura said calmly. He and Nagato stood a few meters apart, facing each other, while I could only kneel on the ground, not daring to stand up, all my hope lost.

Nagato stood in front of me with his legs slightly spread, and it’s only now that I notice that he even wrote his name on his indoor shoes. As if chanting a prayer, Nagato mumbled:


SELECT serial_code
FROM database
WHERE code='data'
ORDER BY aggressive_combat_data
HAVING terminate_mode


"Target name: Asakura Ryou, hostility confirmed. Disconnecting target's organic information interface."

Normal physics no longer apply in this classroom. Everything has turned into crazy geometric shapes, twisting and turning before my eyes. It’s like a theme park’s house of horrors. This is making me dizzy!

"You’ll stop functioning before I do. We’ll see how long you can last protecting Poor Kyon-chanthat pathetic thing. Take this."

I look around, desperately trying to locate Asakura in this whirlwind of light and color, but I have no idea where his voice is coming from.

‘Whoosh’, went the sound of something slicing through the air.

At that, Nagato grabbed my shoulders and threw me bodily aside.

"H-hey! What are you......"

Before I could finish, I heard the whoosing noise above my head, and the distinctive ‘splurch’ sound of metal hitting flesh.

I looked up. Nagato stood in front of me, impaled through the chest by Asakura’s katana.

"......"

So, to put it simply, Asakura had thrown his katana at me to try and catch Nagato off guard and kill me. Nagato had reacted in time to be able to get me out of the way, but had been unable to move out of the way of the sword, and had gotten impaled as a result. But I didn't know that then, since it all happened so quickly.

Nagato's glasses fell from his face and softly bounced as they hit the ground.

"NAGATO!" I screamed.

"I told you not to move." Nagato said calmly, pointing at the sword going straight through his chest. A pool of blood was slowly beginning to form under his feet.

"I'm fine."

How exactly does being impaled make you fine?!

Without flinching, Nagato pulled the katana out of his body. It fell on the ground with a clanking noise and instantly turned into a shinai. Is that what that thing really was?

"With that injury, I don’t see you stopping me now! Here's my finishing blow! RAZENGANN OVERLOAD!"

At the other end of this twisted space, Asakura's silhouette faded in and out. I could see that smile on his face, as he slowly curled his arms and legs in towards his body – and then, giant, black tentacles, tipped with spikes, sprouted from his back.

"Now, die."

Asakura's tentacles extended, wriggling like worms, and closed in on Nagato from all directions. Unable to move, his slim figure shook violently… and the next second, my face was splattered with blood.

One tentacle clawed into Nagato's right abdomen, another into the left side of his chest, another through his throat, through his arms, his legs… too many to count. Blood spattered from Nagato's mouth, his wounds, and down along his legs, making the blood pool below even wider.

"It's over." Nagato said quietly, as he grabbed onto a tentacle. Nothing happened.

"What's over?" Asakura said, sounding as though he'd already won. "You mean the three years of your pathetically short life?"

"No." said a seriously wounded Nagato, as though nothing had happened to him. "Commencing data interface disconnection."

Almost instantly, everything in the classroom began glowing brightly, and then crystallized and dissolved within the next second, turning into sand.

"How... how can this be…?" As crystallized sand fell from the ceiling nonstop, it’s Asakura's turn to be stunned.

"Well, well. You really are amazing, aren’t you?"

The tentacles protruding from Nagato’s body also turned into sand, as he responded. "It took me some time to penetrate the program. But, everything will end now."

"......You already planted destructive factors around long before I penetrated this place, haven't you? No wonder you looked rather weak. It was because you used attacking data beforehand…" Asakura said despondently, as his arms began to crystallize.

"Sigh… such a pity. I’m just the backup after all. I thought this would finally be a chance to break free of all this stagnation…"

Asakura, reverting back to his old self, looked at me cheerfully.

"Well, I lost. You get to live after all. You'd better be careful, though. The Integrated Data Sentient Entity isn't as united as you think. I’m not the only one with a dissenting opinion. Just like with humans, eh? The good and the bad… And who knows, even those who control Nagato-san might change their thinking and decide to kill you instead."

He's now covered from chest to toe by the glowing crystallized substance.
"Even then, I wish you and Suzumiya-san the best of luck. Well then, goodbye!"

As he said that, Asakura gave me that usual, calm smile of his, and then dissolved into a pile of crystallized sand. The smaller crystallized sand dunes continued to dissolve until they vanished completely.

Under a rain of crystallized sand, the high school student, class president, and member of the kendo club known as Asakura Ryou vanished entirely from the school. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.

There was a shadow over my head, suddenly. Nagato Yuuki was collapsing. I tried to catch him, but he was too heavy, so he ended up on top of me on the floor.

"N-Nagato! Hang in there! I'll call the ambulance or something!"

"No need."

Nagato stared at me with his wide open eyes.

"Physical damage means nothing. Currently, the priority is to restore this area of space back to its original state."

The sand crystals stopped falling around us.

"Removing impure substances. Reconstructing classroom."

As he finished speaking, the familiar 1-5 classroom reappeared before our eyes. It was like a tape rewinding: everything in the room reverted to the way it had been before.

The blackboard, the teacher's desk, the remaining chairs and desks all grew from the white sand and back to their original form as they had been at the end of class today. I can't describe it with mere words. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I would've thought all this was made with state-of-the-art CGI effects instead.

Windows grew from the walls, with the half-stained glass intact; the sunset reappeared outside, bathing Nagato and me in an orange-red light. All the blood that had spattered onto my face had now completely disappeared.

It’s so amazing… the only way I can possibly describe it is magic.

"Thank you… Um… are you really okay?"

Nagato, my saviour, remained lying on top of me on the floor. I’d thought she would have many wounds and holes in her uniform after being impaled by those spears, but they were all gone now.

"As processing power has been converted into data operation, the linking interface has been temporarily reversed."

“You want some help up?” Not that I’m in any position to give any, but…

“No need.” Nagato moved his hands and started to get up, but…

"Hm?” He said, suddenly. "My glasses. I forgot to regenerate them."

"…Um, I actually think you look cooler without them. Glasses guys really aren’t my type…"

"What does that mean?"

"…It's nothing, nothing! Nothing at all…”

"I see."

Now really isn’t the time to be saying stupid things like that, and I regret having said it. If I could have gotten out from under Nagato, I probably would have run out of the classroom in utter embarrassment.

“Excuse me!”

At that moment, the classroom door suddenly opened.
"I forgot~ I forgot my stuff~"

There, entering the classroom, humming a stupid song while playing with her cellphone, was Taniguchi.

She probably never thought there would still be people in here, so when she discovered us, she stood dumbfounded, her mouth wide open.

With Nagato on top of me, and my hair still down, it’s pretty easy to see what conclusions she’d immediately come to.

Taniguchi gave me a wide grin, reminding me of Haruki, and, slowly raising her cellphone, started snapping pictures of me and Nagato on the floor.

“Hey! Wait! What the heck are you doing?” I screamed.

“Sorry, Kyon. Have fun!” Taniguchi ran out of the room, laughing manically. I tried to follow, but, of course, Nagato was still on top of me.

"Such an interesting person." Nagato said.

I sighed heavily. "What should we do now?"

"Leave it to me." Nagato said, his eyes still looking down at me.

"Data manipulation is my specialty, I'll let everyone think that Asakura Ryou has been transferred out."

That wasn’t what I was talking about, but… data manipulation? Is that how he does it?

I’ve just experienced an incredible event. Whether I believe what Nagato told me the other day is no longer the issue here, because what happened just now has let me realize just how serious things really are. I really thought I was going to die! If Nagato hadn't shown up to save me, Asakura would have raped and killed me. The experiences of seeing the classroom distorting, of Asakura's black tentacles, and Nagato eliminating him emotionlessly have all been etched into my mind.

Nagato-san, I’m really grateful to you.

In a way, though doesn't that make me an insider to a Mysterious Event? Just as I said in the prologue, I had wanted to be a bystander that got sucked into these events, just a mere sidekick. But the way thing are looking, I’m the main character! I had really wished I was a character in a story involving aliens, but now that I am, it really puts everything into perspective.

This really isn’t what I had been hoping for…

What I really want is to be the sort of side character that cheerfully provides helpful advice at the right moment when everyone is facing a difficult situation. I don’t want my own classmates to go crazy and target me! I have respect for my own life, thank you very much!

My mind wandered without aim for a while as I lay back in the orange-red classroom. Due to my spacing out, I'd completely forgotten about Nagato, who was still above me, staring at me with his usual expressionless face.
H-hey! Wait a minute! If you’re done regenerating, get off me!


------


The following day, Asakura Ryou disappeared from Class 1-5.

I was the only one who had seen it coming.

“Ehh, I guess it has something to do with Asakura-kun's mother's work, that's why he had to transfer all of a sudden. Frankly, the teachers were shocked as well when they heard the news this morning. Because they had to leave the country so quickly, they already flew off yesterday."

When Okabe-sensei announced this cover story, most of the girls exclaimed in shock and horror, "What? Why!?", while the guys talked amongst themselves about this. Even Okabe-sensei looked confused. And, of course, the person sitting behind me couldn’t keep his mouth shut about this.

Boink! He rapped the top of my head lightly. Haruki, if you touch me again…

"Kyon, this HAS to be a Mysterious Event!" Haruki's eyes shone brightly, all his vigor regained.

Should I tell him the truth?

‘Actually, Asakura-kun was created by an alien lifeform known as the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. Nagato-kun was his superior, but for some reason their relationship broke down, and in the end Asakura ended up trying to kill me. As to why it involves me, it’s all your fault. However, Asakura-kun got turned into a pile of sand by Nagato-kun and disappeared, so it’s all better now.’

Oh please! I'd be carted off to the funny farm if I said something like that. I'll just pretend that everything that happened yesterday was just a horrible, horrible nightmare and leave it at that..

"First my Mysterious Transfer Student shows up, then the class president transfers out mysteriously. There’s something going on here, I know it!”
Ooh, should I commend you on your brilliant instincts?

"Maybe his mom got a transfer?"

"Bah! I'm not gonna buy such a lame excuse."

"Believe it or not, that's the number one reason for having to transfer schools."

"Isn’t it strange, though? It took them only one day from receiving the job transfer notice to moving out. Just what sort of work is his mom doing?"

"Maybe his parents just didn’t tell him beforehand…"

"Impossible. It requires further investigation."

I had wanted to say the job transfer was just an excuse, that they had escaped overnight from their debtors, leaving behind a mountain of debt, but I decided not to. After all, I’m the only person here who knows the real story.

"As Supremely Manly Commander of the SOS Brigade, I cannot leave such a Mysterious Event uninvestigated!"

Just…. stop, please.

“By the way, what’s with your hair?”

“Don’t ask.”

Haruki looked offended at my response, but it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t find any hair ties when I looked this morning, so I figured I might as well just come to school without a ponytail. Besides, after what happened yesterday, I really have to re-evaluate how I view my life. Does this new look accurately depict what I’m feeling right now?

Having witnessed all this supernatural stuff firsthand, and trying to tell myself that it never happened, I had to pick one of the following choices: I was either hallucinating; or something was wrong with my brain; or the world is strange enough already; or I'd had a very long dream.

There’s no way I could admit the world is some sort of virtual reality.

Aggh! For someone who's just turned 15, having to face a turning point in her life like this is just a bit too early!

Why does a first year high school girl like me have to deal with such philosophical questions like whether the world exists or not? Those aren't things I should be thinking about! Please, stop adding to my troubles!

Right now, I have all sorts of other problems to deal with!

I find the aftermath rather funny, because, in Higurashi, "transferring out" is used as a creepy euphemism for "dying horribly and mysteriously".

Fits well, don't it?

Nice job! ^^ And I, too, love Higurashi no naku koro ni (kai). You could make the suggestion even stronger by having Kyonko say:

Spoiler:

"Fine, so you don't believe he transferred out. You win. It was actually an act of kamikakushi. No, of onikakushi. Are you happy now?"

[kaura117]

Originally Posted by Aebliss

Nice job! ^^ And I, too, love Higurashi no naku koro ni (kai). You could make the suggestion even stronger by having Kyonko say:

Spoiler:

"Fine, so you don't believe he transferred out. You win. It was actually an act of kamikakushi. No, of onikakushi. Are you happy now?"

Mmm, small problem with that. The Japanese terms, for those unfamiliar with Higurashi, will be bewildering and obtuse. Rather, go with "...being spirited away. No, being demoned away. Are you happy now?" That way, those unfamiliar with the source material still gets a chuckle, and us Higurashi fans get to nod sagely, recognizing the origin. >_>

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

Originally Posted by Cat Megex

Is it true that Asakura's sped-up talking isn't actually a set of SQL statements? I had heard/read something to that effect.....

Supposedly, she's asking Nagato if she loves Kyon. However, I can't really say for certain what's being said there, so I'm going mainly by hearsay.


As for the little debate I was involved in, obviously it had no effect whatsoever on anything of discernible value, so I see no reason to continue. Besides, I'm not really in the proper mindset to keep myself under control at the moment, so it wouldn't do much good if I tried to continue, anyway.

*e*
Actually, forget it. I'm going to speak my mind right now, otherwise this will end up getting even farther out of hand by the time I can collect myself.

The very fact that so much setup has to be added into the story for a change that isn't even needed should be more than enough proof that this is a horrible idea.
Taniguchi(m) freaked out and ran away before Kyon could explain things. Taniguchi(f) has not only taken several pictures, but also calmly walks out while teasing Kyonko. Not to mention the fact that this turns her from being a friend to being an outright {female dog}.

Like I had mentioned before, the ACTUAL reason for Haruhi feeling betrayed was the fact that she walked in on Mikuru being on top of Kyon. As far as anyone knows, the only place she's even aware Kyon actually kept the Mikuru pictures is within the anime's storyline. In addition, having Haruki move clear across the clubroom to see what Kyonko's doing should give Kyonko a lot more time to get out of the folder than what Kyon had with Mikuru standing right next to him.

Even if we're going to have Kyonko's reaction speed be a lot slower than Kyon's, the Yuuki pictures pretty much have to be in the same exact folder as the Mitsuru ones. If we're really going to have Haruki see one of those pictures, the odds that he won't end up seeing everything else in it are lower than lightning striking in the same place twice. This turns what was basically a misunderstanding into Haruki actually finding out that Kyonko "betrayed" him.

This also leads to another problem. If Kyonko doesn't find Mitsuru to be at least somewhat attractive, why would she even bother to keep the pictures of him in a maid outfit in the first place? We can't get rid of them, as they're used as the proof she needs that Mitsuru really is from the future.


That being said, I'm done arguing this point for now. If I'm the only one giving reasons why this is a bad idea, then maybe I'm wrong and just being ridiculously stubborn. As it stands, there's no real reason for me to continue bringing up the point, as it's only dragging the thread(and as a result, the project itself) down.

[walviss]

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

Spoiler for Related to the "debate" that was going on and not the rest of this post.:

As for the little debate I was involved in, obviously it had no effect whatsoever on anything of discernible value, so I see no reason to continue. Besides, I'm not really in the proper mindset to keep myself under control at the moment, so it wouldn't do much good if I tried to continue, anyway.

Well, I've been giving it more thought anyway, and I'm willing to concede the point. I still don't find Haruki's jealousy of Kyonko's motherly/sisterly relationship with Mitsuru as...strong? compelling? (can't find the right word)...as the more romantic canon relationship between Kyon & Mikuru (even if it's kind of superficial, it seems clear to me that Kyon and Mikuru are both interested in the other). But I have to admit he could still be upset that this relationship is stronger than his own relationship with Kyonko.

There's no hard feelings I hope; I'm not going to apologize for being passionate about this and neither should you (it's the fuel that keeps this project going), but I hope I haven't been riling you up too much .

/edit/ Ack, then you edited your post, and now I want to poke at it some more...I ought to resist but I can't

Spoiler for sorry, i can't help myself:

Yeah, Haruhi felt upset because Mikuru was all over Kyon. But I don't think either Suzumiya gives a damn what Asahina feels for Kyon, they care about what Kyon feels, and canon Kyon clearly responds to Mikuru being all over him. If Kyonko feels no attraction, then it doesn't seem like as big deal to me. But I'll still concur that it could be a deal, just not as big a one.

And based on what's already written into the story, Kyonko is keeping the Mitsuru pics because they're adorable. No physical attraction. Really, that's what drove me to this entire scenario. No romantic or physical attraction has been written in between Kyonko and Mitsuru yet.

/edit2/ Gonna add one more thing, just to show I'm sincere about being willing to work with Kogetsu

Spoiler for working with the Mitsuru angle:

Okay, so if the Mitsuru angle is the one that is used, I have another proposition. When Mitsuru tries to wrestle the mouse away from Kyonko, she could have the image of big Mitsuru flash in her head and cause a blush or something. That should be enough to provoke a good reaction in Haruki.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

I wish you would've put that up about three minutes sooner

Another thing, it feels really odd to be referred to as "Kogetsu Shirogane," so feel free to drop one of the names.
(For reference purposes, my screen name is written in Western order.)

[NightFoxXIII]

Spoiler for Kyon and Kyonko big images:

Anyone have more of these epic comics?

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

Well, if there aren't any you haven't seen in this or the image thread, I wouldn't know about any more comics.

Originally Posted by walviss

Spoiler for working with the Mitsuru angle:

Okay, so if the Mitsuru angle is the one that is used, I have another proposition. When Mitsuru tries to wrestle the mouse away from Kyonko, she could have the image of big Mitsuru flash in her head and cause a blush or something. That should be enough to provoke a good reaction in Haruki.

Well, considering the fact that we're trying to get a reaction out of Kyonko that would make Haruki want to hit the big reset button on the world, I think that probably would be the most elegant way of handling things

[Jintor]

Have we any god-damn consensus about the whole Asakura rape thing?

Personally I think it's out of character for Asakura and too damn traumatizing to Kyonko.

[Jintor]

I'm going to freaking finish this editjob, even if it kills me.

Chapter Five, Part Four, GIIIIGAAAA EDDDITJOB BREEAAAAKKKEEERRRR!!!!!!

Spoiler for tl;dr:

It wasn't surprising to find somebody waiting inside the classroom (the note had kind of made that obvious), but it was a shock to find out who exactly it was. Standing in front of the blackboard was someone I had never even have suspected.

"You're late."

Asakura Ryou smiled gently at me.

He flicked a strand of silken hair out his eyes and began to stroll leisurely towards me, between the seats and the tables. His handsome face still wore that serene smile that Asakura was so famous for.

...Is this really a confession, after all? And from Asakura, of all people?

He halted in the middle of the classroom, and gestured towards me with a smile. "Well, come on in!"

I felt like I had no control over my body, as if his little wave had made me let go of the door handle and step fully inside the classroom. "S-so it's you..." I stammered, a little nervously.

"Yes, surprised?"

Asakura smiled warmly at me, the right side of his face red with the light of the sunset shining through the window. My face was red too, although not for the same reason.

"Y-you wanted to talk t-to me?" Dammit, I sound like Asahina-senpai!

Asakura chuckled softly. "Indeed, I was looking for you. I have something... to ask you."

His face, white and pure as the snowy peaks of the alps, turned towards me as he began to ask his question. "Have you ever heard of the saying, 'tis better to have lost and loved, then to never have loved at all'?" he said, still smiling serenely at me. I guess this was some kind of segue? "And do you think that... 'loving', in this context, may refer to... taking action, as well?"

W-what the hell is he talking about? "I-I'm not really sure who said that-" I said, blushing even more, "-but I guess the meaning makes... sense...?"

"If there existed a situation... where staying within the status quo would simply make things worse, and you had no idea how to improve it, what would you do?" he continued.

"U-Um... i-improve what?" I asked, confused. Is there a confession coming, or...?

Asakura smiled and continued, ignoring my question. "Wouldn't you say that it would be better to do anything, anything at all, and face the consequences? Because to do nothing would simply let the situation degrade?"

"Uh... I guess s-so...?" God-damnit! Did I get my hopes up for nothing?

"That's what I meant!"

Asakura (who had his hands behind his back this entire time) smiled widely, and leaned slightly forward.

"But those above are incapable of thinking laterally. They're out of touch with the rapid changes on this plane of reality. So I am... compelled to do something, to make something happen, so that this situation does not degrade any further. That is why I have decided to act without authorization, and force a change upon this situation."

Um, sorry?

What on Earth are you talking about, Asakura? Is this some kind of prank?

I glanced around the room, wondering whether Taniguchi had set me up like this and was now hiding in the cleaning cabinet behind me, or sitting hidden under the teacher's desk, barely suppressing her laughter. I wouldn't put this kind of thing past Taniguchi-

"I've grown tired of having to observe a changeless environment. That is why..."

I was so busy looking around that I didn't really listen to what Asakura was actually saying.

"I have to kill you, and observe the reaction of Suzumiya Haruki."

Some instinct made me throw myself backwards as Asakura moved his hands from behind his back and a silvery metallic flash went straight through where my neck used to me. Through a sudden fog of adrenaline and fear, I watched half of the ribbon on the front of my uniform float slowly towards the ground as I heard the crash of the teacher's desk collapsing a few feet away.

Smiling pleasantly, Asakura's right hand now held a katana nearly half my height.

I was very, very lucky to dodge the first strike. If I hadn’t, I would probably have ended up like that desk. But right then I was on the ground on my backside, looking palely up at Asakura. "Don't let him back me into a corner!" was the thought that flashed through my mind, as (obedient to my hindbrain's wishes) I scuttled desperately backwards.

Why didn't Asakura chase me?

...No, wait! What the hell's going on here? Why is somebody as... as nice and pure as Asakura trying to gut me with a sword? Why the hell does he even have a sword? Wait, what did he just say? He wants to kill me? Kill? But, why?! Why me!?

"S-Stop joking around!" I said, trying to climb to my feet whilst pressing my back against the classroom wall. "T-that's really dangerous! Even if it were a fake, I'd still be really, really scared! Please, put that thing away!"

I was really terrified and confused. Taniguchi, if this is your doing, you've gone way too far! Somebody, please come and help me!"

"You think I'm joking?" Asakura said in his normal, cheerful tone, not sounding very serious at all. There's not much scarier than somebody about to murder you with a sword treating the event like a chat between classmates. "Hmmm..."

Asakura let the dull edge of the katana rest over his shoulders, and stroked his chin. "You don't like dying? You don't want to die? This refusal of biological life-forms to submit to the inevitable has always been a mystery to me..."

I finally had managed to get to my feet, telling myself that this had to be a joke - just a really bad joke, damnit! This was way too surreal! Asakura is the serious, responsible class president, who only talks when necessary in class, and faces every single problem calmly, without panicking! He's every girl's dream! Why would he wave around a katana and declare that he wants to kill me, all of a sudden?

But that thing is real, and I was going to be in two pieces if I wasn't careful.

"I-I don't understand what you're saying!" I said quickly, an undercurrent of fear audible in my voice, eyes darting around the empty classroom. "This isn't funny anymore, OK? Please, put that scary thing away!"

"I can't do that," Asakura said, smiling his usual perfect smile, "because I really do want you to die!"

He lifted the katana above his head and brought it crashing down in the blink of an eye. Gods, he's fast! But I had just managed to anticipate his movement and threw myself sideways just in time. I heard the desk behind me shatter as I ducked under his arm and ran for the door.

I rushed forwards, the door getting closer with every step - and ran straight into a wall.

W-what?!

Where the heck did the door go? Even the windows were gone! A second ago, the windows and the doors to the corridor - and escape - were there, but now it was just a thick grey wall!

No way!

"Do not attempt to escape."

Asakura's voice grew closer as I scabbled desperately at the blank surface.

"I have gained control over this sub-space. All exits have been blocked. Quite simple, really - all I needed to do was tamper with the molecular structure of the materials at hand. In any case, this room has been sealed. There are no ways in or out."

I turned around, prepared to dive through a window if necessary, only to find that the sunset - or, more to the point, the other windows - had disappeared as well. All that was left were giant concrete walls, and the cold white light of the lamps shining down onto whatever desks remained.

This can't be! This isn’t possible! What the hell is going on?

Asakura's silhouette moved slowly towards me.

"As your class president, I advise you to cease resistance. You're going to die anyway."

"W-what the hell are you?!"

No matter where I looked there was nothing but faceless concrete and featureless walls! There wasn't a single door, a single window, nothing! Was there something wrong with my brain?

I frantically dashed between the desks, trying to get as far from Asakura as possible. But he just moved slowly towards me in a straight line, smiling his gentle smile as he sliced desks and chairs aside like so much kindling. Unlike him, my path was always blocked.

This game of cat and mouse did not last very long. Pretty soon, I was cornered.

If this was how it was going to end, I decided - to hell with it! I hurled a chair at Asakura with all my might. But it slowed and stopped in the air before it got anywhere near Asakura, and then flew off to the other side of the room, landing in a cloud of dust.

This is impossible, completely impossible!

"Impressive strength for a life-form of your characteristics, but resistance is futile. Everything in this room moves according to my will."

Wait... Wait!

“Nothing you do has any meaning. It is useless.” said Asakura, still smiling.

What is going on here? If this isn't a joke or a prank, and neither Asakura nor me were crazy, then what’s going on?

I have to kill you, and see what sort of reaction Suzumiya Haruki will have.

...Haruki, Haruki, it's always bloody Haruki! You're getting way too damn popular, Haruki!

Asakura sighed as I desperately began to tense my legs to try and leap over a table to escape. "Hmm... what did I just say? I should have just done this from the beginning, I suppose."

I couldn't move my body.

The second he said those words, my entire body just - froze - in place. H-hey! No fair! That's cheating, you bastard!

My feet were rooted to the ground like a tree, unable to move even the smallest muscle. My arms were fixed like a wax statue, and I couldn't even blink. All I could do was stare, horrified, at Asakura's face as he slowly approached, bringing the katana around to a ready position.

"Once you die, Suzumiya Haruki is bound to have some sort of reaction. This may result in a massive data explosion from which we may salvage something. This might be the one-in-a-million-chance for us."

I still have no freaking idea what you're on about!

"So please." he smiled. "Die!"

He swung his sword around. This is it, I thought oddly calmly, trying desperately to squeeze my eyes tightly shut as the whistling sound of the sword filled my world.

...swish...

I felt the hairband holding my ponytail up suddenly split in two as it fell to the floor, cloven cleanly in twain. Asakura was still leveling the katana at me, smiling.

"Ah... I suppose, in the end, I couldn't resist." he said, lowering the katana a little. "I have always wondered what you would look like with your hair down, and I have to say, you do look much nicer. More... wild."

Great. The only guy to ever hit on me also happens to be a magical sword-wielding psycho. Just my luck.

"I suppose I have wasted enough time, though." he continued, raising the katana above his head. "Farewell, Kyon-chan! It was quite nice to meet you!"

"Now, die!"

At least let me close my eyes...! No, I couldn't do even that.

As the blade began to descend towards my face, I felt a sudden sense of pressure in the air around me, and-

The ceiling suddenly collapsed in with a massive, loud crack and a protesting groan as debris began to tumble down, raising massive clouds of dust and obscuring my vision. Some of the smaller pieces rained down upon my unlucky head, and I ducked beneath my raised arms to ward off the rubble. Damni- wait, I can use my arms? I can move?

I lifted my head to discover-

Asakura, displaying the only look of surprise I'd ever seen on his beautiful face, katana halfway towards me, uniform and hair covered in just a slight coating of white dust. And in front of me, catching the blade of the sword with just two bare fingers - the slim, silent figure of Nagato Yuuki.

tl;dr, I changed the bit where Asakura chops off Kyonko's hairband to imply less 'rape' but leave the 'hit on' joke intact. Because I reckon it's funnier and less traumatic that way.

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by Jintor

I'm going to freaking finish this editjob, even if it kills me.

Chapter Five, Part Four, GIIIIGAAAA EDDDITJOB BREEAAAAKKKEEERRRR!!!!!!

*snip*

tl;dr, I changed the bit where Asakura chops off Kyonko's hairband to imply less 'rape' but leave the 'hit on' joke intact. Because I reckon it's funnier and less traumatic that way.

Having someone toy with you like that is still traumatic... which still allows me to use Aebliss's (?) ideas for later. (I think it was Aebliss...)

*sigh* Also, you got rid of my references to the prologue... How she starts praying for sudden supernatural powers... and then, when that doesn't work, she prays for a saviour, and then BAM, Nagato bursts in.

I thought that was well done...

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

Actually, forget it. I'm going to speak my mind right now, otherwise this will end up getting even farther out of hand by the time I can collect myself.

I love it when people treat their opinions as fact.

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

The very fact that so much setup has to be added into the story for a change that isn't even needed should be more than enough proof that this is a horrible idea.
Taniguchi(m) freaked out and ran away before Kyon could explain things. Taniguchi(f) has not only taken several pictures, but also calmly walks out while teasing Kyonko. Not to mention the fact that this turns her from being a friend to being an outright {female dog}.

Taniguchi(m) isn't that nice to Kyon either. Genderbending it, Taniguchi has been made into The Libby, and, as such, that is exactly the sort of thing she'd do.

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

This also leads to another problem. If Kyonko doesn't find Mitsuru to be at least somewhat attractive, why would she even bother to keep the pictures of him in a maid outfit in the first place? We can't get rid of them, as they're used as the proof she needs that Mitsuru really is from the future.

Because the maid outfit CONSUMES ALL. And because he looks like an adorable little girl in it.


I like the Yuuki idea. Mitsuuru isn't enough of a threat, because Haruki KNOWS that Kyon-chan doesn't think of him like that, although he does know that Mitsuuru has feelings for Kyon-chan. He can't blame Kyon-chan for anything involving Mitsuuru.

With Yuuki, however, it's much easier.

[Aebliss]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Having someone toy with you like that is still traumatic... which still allows me to use Aebliss's (?) ideas for later. (I think it was Aebliss...)

Yup, 'twas I! ^^ And may I say that I'm very curious how it's going to look? I liked your version of chapter 5, by the way. (See? I do read it ...)

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by Aebliss

Yup, 'twas I! ^^ And may I say that I'm very curious how it's going to look? I liked your version of chapter 5, by the way. (See? I do read it ...)

I have NO idea...

I do know what I'm going to do with Adult Mitsuuru, though...

I'd actually like some consensus on the whole Yuuki thing before I begin. I want to do it, but if everyone is opposed to it I'll somehow figure out a legitimate way for Haruki to want to end the world. After all, Mitsuuru isn't enough of a threat or a reason.

[Cat Megex]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

I have NO idea...

I do know what I'm going to do with Adult Mitsuuru, though...

I'd actually like some consensus on the whole Yuuki thing before I begin. I want to do it, but if everyone is opposed to it I'll somehow figure out a legitimate way for Haruki to want to end the world. After all, Mitsuuru isn't enough of a threat or a reason.

Well, I suppose I'm a bit biased, being a bit of a Yu(u)ki fan myself, but...I say go for it. ^^

[Kagedanji]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Because the maid outfit CONSUMES ALL. And because he looks like an adorable little girl in it.

So we unconditionally agreed that Kyon is a total effeminate-man-moe?

Spoiler for Off Topic:

Fanfic which I babbled endlessly about. http://forums.animesuki.com/showthread.php?t=64623