2010-04-13, 12:03 | Link #4221 |
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It's an emotional view of love, which isn't wrong, per se. But it's really the ability to communicate and tell your partner everything, and know they will understand, that determines whether a relationship will work. There's a reason why "best friends" tends to make the best romantic relationships; two people are already very comfortable with each other, and thus it's a relationship that will last.
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2010-04-13, 12:54 | Link #4222 | |||
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 35
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"Dad. Please stop scaring my friends." Come to think of it, how would your girl think of a person like that as a life partner? Quote:
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2010-04-13, 13:12 | Link #4223 | |||
I don't give a damn, dude
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 37
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Also, considering my girl is already sticking to me like glue despite the silly things I've already done with her (), I'm not too worried that she'll think too much about it over time. Quote:
Okay, I'm heading to bed now. |
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2010-04-13, 13:17 | Link #4224 | |
Pretentious moe scholar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Age: 37
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Although I have a long way to go before I can cut loose like he does. I still find I have a lot of cases where I think "I should say x to my girlfriend next time I see her", then when we actually end up going out next I end up thinking like "Uh... no. Not going to happen."
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2010-04-13, 17:55 | Link #4225 |
Pretentious moe scholar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Age: 37
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I'm actually fine with discussing a lot of topics with my girlfriend, some of which I wouldn't talk about with most people.
However, I usually end up deciding against saying things that sappy or romantic because she tends to get all shy and tense when I act like that. I feel like it will make her uncomfortable.
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2010-04-13, 18:58 | Link #4227 |
Frandle & Nightbag
Join Date: Oct 2009
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It depends on the lady. Some ladies are really moved by that, others think it's cheesy, others think it's overbearing. Part of being selective about one's romantic partner is thinking about comfort and modes of expression. If you're really inclined to be verbally expressive about your feelings to your partner, then you have to weight that when considering someone's viability.
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2010-04-13, 19:44 | Link #4228 | |
Counting days
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Not even close to the Caribbean anymore
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In my case, for example, I enjoy whenever my fiancé compliments me, but he doesn't do it often, which is fine by me. I'm pretty sure that if he did it too often, I would feel uncomfortable or weird. But from time to time, to me is perfect. Also, for me, two or three very cheesy moments during a year are also fine by me. But with cheesy moments in the relationship I do not refer to compliments. I don't consider compliments cheesy. Now, in my opinion, if compliments become too constant, they would become like routine and thus, lose value or meaning.
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2010-04-13, 20:21 | Link #4229 |
Test Drive
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I completely agree. I admit that I'm a sap and I certainly won't turn down a compliment (and I hardly ever find compliments to be cheesy), but if it's something that happens too often, then I feel that it loses its emotional value. Then again, I suppose it depends on whether or not couples can say things like that to each other and still keep the emotional value of it no matter how many times they say it.
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2010-04-13, 20:33 | Link #4231 | |
Frandle & Nightbag
Join Date: Oct 2009
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Well, as a writer I believe deeply in the power of words, so if you feel something about someone, you may as well tell them, but as a writer I also believe that the simpler and easier to absorb you make it, the better. Part of that is judiciously reserving your words for when they are most called for. If we're talking about physical appearance compliments, for instance, if you call a girl pretty or attractive or what have you, that's a fairly appropriate commonplace term. If you're calling a girl beautiful, though, I'd reserve that for when you feel especially stunned. You might say, "Well, what if I'm always stunned?" I've been in that position before, and I'll say that if you're that smitten with a girl and you're not consciously making an effort to hide your feelings and if she is worth her salt, then she'll notice it in the way you conduct yourself and the words will still be best reserved for 'icing the cake', as it were.
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2010-04-13, 20:37 | Link #4232 |
Director
Join Date: Feb 2010
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I'm all into semantics and whatnot despite me not being good at speaking English whatsoever. I'm not used to calling a girl anything positive, even something simple like "pretty" or "cute." It's just not in my nature to do that. What's in my nature would be to stay secluded to myself and watch the world pass through me and around me. I know, I'm pathetic as fuck.
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2010-04-13, 20:42 | Link #4233 | ||
Frandle & Nightbag
Join Date: Oct 2009
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I will say this: there is nothing wrong with not being in a relationship or dating, you just have to make a choice. Are you fine with being single, or would you prefer a relationship? Then once you make that choice, stick with it and pursue it.
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2010-04-13, 21:02 | Link #4234 |
Director
Join Date: Feb 2010
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I would love to be in that position, but it's not happening. I'm not an amiable person and it's difficult to change that. To remold myself would be to lie to myself on who I actually am. It would be to take a glorious rhino and beat it with mechanical blocks until it is forcibly turned into a sheep. Once that new sheep looks at itself in the mirror, it will no longer see the rhino it once was and will forever forget who it is or where it came from, only that it is a loving sheep.
I'm afraid of losing the one thing I have that only I have: myself. It may be in my best interest to remold myself and start anew, but it is a lot more dramatic than one would think. I know, I'm a coward in this regard. |
2010-04-13, 21:54 | Link #4235 | |
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Having been in the exact same shoes you're in now, I'd have to say you're doing it wrong. You don't have to become someone else to change yourself, but you do have to do things in steps. People naturally change with their experiences, so the easiest way to change yourself while remaining you is modifying your experiences. Put yourself outside of your comfort zone, even if its as simple as taking a class without any of your friends in it. Or get a job as a cashier--just do something to get out there and you'll find yourself slowly changing. The most important part is to let it happen and make sure you're still satisfied with who you are. As for having trouble even calling a girl "pretty" or "cute", well it isn't really a problem. I've met some girls that find the shyness endearing and most seem to pick up on the shyness and really appreciate it when you do finally give a compliment.
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2010-04-13, 22:16 | Link #4236 | |
Director
Join Date: Feb 2010
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I know I have no self-esteem whatsoever. I know I lack self-confidence. Every time I vow to change myself to be better than this I always end up below where I started, somehow. The only real improvement I've made was going from "zero fat, zero muscle" to "zero fat, some muscle" and if I keep it up I can make it to "zero fat, muscle" by the time college begins. I'm still a weakling who plays no sports due to being physically unable to (I've had arthritis in my knees since I was a young teen). I don't know what I can do to improve myself. I've tried a lot of things, none of them really worked. At this point though it's more just improving myself for social standing in general, not so much relationships. The one girl I'm interested in still is friendly with me (which, in my scenario, is an inexplicable miracle). I really hope I don't fuck it up, though I'm a fuck up in general so not much hope there either. I've managed to last with her on improving terms for a while now though, so who knows what that means... tl;dr; I'm a pussy that needs to get a grip and throw down some shit. |
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2010-04-14, 00:20 | Link #4237 | ||
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 35
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2010-04-14, 01:27 | Link #4239 | |
Senior Guest
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Athens (GMT+2)
Age: 35
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You're not the only one
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Tags |
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
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