2009-10-11, 14:50 | Link #1802 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
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From a psychological viewpoint, as Narona said, "feelings and love are more important to women than to men." IMO, there are several things to note about it.
-When men need to have a feeling of success, domination, violence, women need a feeling of love. And pain. Yes, it goes both way, for many women. They seek to have strong mutual emotion in human interaction, regardless of it being positive and negative. They purely desire to be emotionally powerful, that's why they more likely risk it and like someone who just isn't going to return the feelings. In short, they like pain as much as love. -Most experts agree men instinct is to dominate, and women instinct is to share. Consequently, a man dates women who love him and only him, and a woman dates men whom she loves. -Genetically, men seek to mate, with as many as possible. Unconsciously, they find women who love them to ensure their successor being taken care of in the future. Women, they also unconsciously want to bear a child with the best gene, aka the gene of the one they fall in love with. -When talking about marriage, men is a polygamy creature. Even now, our society just happens to give men overwhelming advantage after a divorce. They see no risk in marrying someone who doesn't love them. If it's mating, they can find a mistress who does. But women is monogamy. They seek stability, and they want to marry someone they love, and love them in return. So at a point in life women will stop taking risk and seek someone who truly love them to marry. That's why it's easy to confess, but difficult to propose to women Last edited by Cinocard; 2009-10-11 at 15:18. |
2009-10-11, 14:59 | Link #1803 | |
Rollin' Like A Boss
Join Date: Apr 2006
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And on the other men valuing sex more, Two responses 1. Sky is Blue, Grass is Green, Men love Sex 2. Lots of women lying to themselves, Should give sex with both sexes allot less thought but more action. Half joking about this, half not. From my own experience, the more thought you put into it. The less enjoyable the subject becomes. If you're always trying make it out to be this wonderful and perfect moment. You're bound to be disappointed constantly. But that's just my 2 cents on it, Either treat it as a big deal or don't. Life is so easy when you're easy and Bi
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Last edited by Shinoto; 2009-10-11 at 15:11. |
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2009-10-11, 15:06 | Link #1805 | |
Emotionless White Face
Join Date: Feb 2008
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2009-10-11, 15:11 | Link #1806 | |
Amateur Psychomocologist
Join Date: Sep 2009
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Well it seems as if he's coming from a biological/evolutionary psychology area, in which everything he said has made sense. Culturally however there has been a very widespread, sort of, frankness about sex and sexual relationships in this century and earlier. Though our biological imperatives might tell us one thing, yes there are men looking for monogamy and can "fight their urges" for other women and there are certainly women who can ignore their child-bearing imperatives in favor of having open sex with more than one man. It's an interesting juxtaposition, the one between the different psychological branches of thought. IIRC the neuro-biological and genetic side doesn't really leave much room for "the human side" of psychology, but maybe that's just how I've seen it. |
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2009-10-11, 15:50 | Link #1807 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
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If you think about it, it's a sad paradox for women. Many working women don't want to settle down early with a marriage. But as they become older, a marriage would trade with a greater career. Their motherly instinct grows, yet they also find it harder and harder for them to be in a love with their age. Men? 25,30,35,40... They virtually can get into a marriage and get out of it just as easily, and get into another marriage again. Polygamy may have been banned by law, but serial monogamy just isn't. |
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2009-10-11, 17:12 | Link #1808 | |||
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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I take issue with your rough demeanor. Splitpersonality seems to be a sensitive, thoughtful guy, perhaps to a fault. What he's writing isn't pathetic; I find it understandable. It isn't his fault and he shouldn't be blaming himself right now, but I don't think he should reject those types of thoughts entirely. Those sorts of feelings are what keep you humble enough in a relationship to be able to admit that you might be wrong and that you need to make changes. They're good feelings - you just need to make sure that who you pair up with also has those sorts of feelings, or else you'll be ripe for abuse. Quote:
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Speak for yourself!
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2009-10-11, 17:25 | Link #1809 | |
Frandle & Nightbag
Join Date: Oct 2009
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It's simply one more aspect of discrimination against women throughout history. Traditionally, women were really viewed more as property of men than as actual people, and so while they were expected to solely 'belong' to that man, the man conversely had no obligation to treat his partner faithfully: she's just a possession in his mind, after all. Women were usually advised by their elders and peers to turn a blind eye to the man's infidelity because he controlled all the financial assets, so it was generally considered unwise to challenge unless he was suddenly squandering all that money on other women. Security was the goal of marriage in the West for centuries. So no, men aren't actually predisposed towards infidelity in any special way versus women, they've just been given tacit approval by society for all this time. |
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2009-10-11, 17:45 | Link #1810 |
Fullmetal Heart
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Florida
Age: 33
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I just have to say that being in love is the most beautiful feeling in the world, but at times, it can be nothing but pure hell.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years now and we've been through pretty much everything that a couple could possibly go through. We had a baby, she's 6 months old now and we consider her the best thing that's ever happened to us. My mother hates him, my father doesn't think he's right for me. He's adopted, so I know nothing about his biological family besides the fact that they abused him, so I hate his parents deeply. Back when we were in high school, I just graduated in June and he graduated back in 08, everyone talked about us, making up lies that he cheated or I cheated, because they either wanted to be with one of us, or just couldn't stand us being together. There's just way too many things to even begin talking about that has gone wrong in our relationship, but the entire time, we never lost sight of our future. We are in love, still in love, and have made it through hell together. Basically, what I'm trying to say is, once you find that true love, when you know it's real, never give up on him/her, never let go. If you are meant to be together in the end, then you will be, no matter what. |
2009-10-11, 18:03 | Link #1811 | |||
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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But if it's not true at genetic level, IMO it's still quite true at social level. We male may want our kids to be carefully taken care of, but just hardly want to take care of the kids ourselves Quote:
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2009-10-11, 18:24 | Link #1813 | |
Test Drive
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2009-10-11, 19:54 | Link #1815 | |
It's the year 3030...
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Spaceport Colony Sicilia
Age: 39
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The book focuses largely, in certain chapters, on the "resource cost" of reproduction for both sexes. Interesting enough, Dawkins suggests that it would be beneficial for men and women to mate with as many people as possible, so as to give better chance of their genes progressing into the next generation. However, he suggests that this may be easier for men to do, than for women. I won't go into detail, but he posits that women have a genetic predisposition towards caring for their young because, on a genetic level, they've already committed more to the offspring than the male has. Eggs are the bigger of the two reproductive cells, and so provides more nutrients, or "resources", to the offspring. Because of this, women have a genetic need to make their mate contribute equal resources elsewhere, so that he will have just as much to lose by not caring for the offspring as she currently does. I realize it's not a "study," and I can't speak for it's validity, but it does offer some interesting insight as to whether polygamy is a genetic predisposition more common to men than women. Take it for whatever you will; it's just another book by another guy.
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2009-10-11, 20:39 | Link #1816 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
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I sure like Richard Dawkins' works, but somehow his face is one that make people just want to smash it when he smiles
Anyway, The selfish gene is but just another in a basket trying to identify the reason why polygamy still underlies our society. The important fact is: polygamy exists. An male still seek a polygamy in one way or another. Quote:
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2009-10-11, 21:06 | Link #1817 | |
Fullmetal Heart
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Florida
Age: 33
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2009-10-11, 21:44 | Link #1818 | |
Test Drive
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Just give her time. She'll come around eventually.
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2009-10-12, 00:31 | Link #1819 | |
Protecting the Throne
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Asia Tour
Age: 32
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Tags |
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
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