The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya [Spoilers Aplenty]

[GDB]

Pretty sure the implication is the same as every other time someone from the Seitenkan says Kyon is just like someone they know. In other words: Haruki.

[swtrooper42]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Spoiler for Itsuko:

Treating the Symptoms

The rocks stopped hitting the window at about lunchtime. Since there was no call for lunch, it appears my mother and sister have gone out again. ...On a day like this?

...

It's raining really hard. I've decided to grab my blankets and huddle in the corner furthest from the window, and try to forget everything.

But I can't forget the pain in my face.

...

It's raining really hard.

---

Koizumi-san's still there, still looking up at me, although she's stopped throwing stones. Realizing how useless an umbrella like that is in the rain, she's cast it aside.

Dripping wet, she stares up at my bedroom, all alone. Her expression is full of melancholy, and, to use an old cliche, the water running down her face looks exactly like tears. ...If it wasn't raining, I'm sure it would be.

...She's going to catch a cold like that.


Kyon: Hey.

Itsuko: Ah, hello. Come to laugh at me? Or do you merely enjoy watching rain-soaked young women? I have a friend who has that exact same hobby. Maybe I'll introduce you two sometime.

Kyon: Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Koizumi-san. ...The door's open.


I turned around before I could see her reaction.


---


Itsuko: Thank you so much for this. I mean it, you know.


Koizumi-san was towelling off in the living room. I noticed that she was rubbing her breasts extra vigorously, probably just to make me uncomfortable again. ...No, I can't keep thinking like that. The other shoe is just going to continue dropping.

I can't trust this person, but... I can't just leave her alone, either. Especially if she's just going to stand in my backyard all day.

So...


Kyon: You sure you don't want to change? I think my mom still has some old clothes...

Itsuko: I appreciate the offer, but these are fine, even if a little damp.


She sneezed cutely.


Itsuko: But why are you so insistent upon... unless... Gasp!


She covered her mouth after saying the word “gasp”.


Itsuko: You're planning to spy on me while I'm undressing, aren't you!? Naughty...

Kyon: ...Don't do that.

Itsuko: Oh, please. If you didn't react like such a prude I wouldn't say things like that to begin with.

Kyon: No, I mean... don't pretend to be cheerful when you're not. It's bad to just bottle things up.


This is just Koizumi-san's way of coping with things, but... I don't think it's healthy at all. Of course, it isn't good to just let everything out like a certain other person I know, but...


Itsuko: ...? But I am cheerful. I'm being paid (very) close attention to by a moderately attractive man inside a warm, comfortable home while the weather is terrible. What more could I want out of life?


The way she acts is... I think I've figured something out.


Kyon: You're not really Koizumi's cousin, right?

Itsuko: ...I should think that would be obvious at this point.

Kyon: You're actually his twin sister.

Itsuko: Pfffffff!


...Okay, that didn't sound stupid while it was still in my head. Stop laughing, Koizumi-san.


Itsuko: Hohohohoho... well, I suppose that's actually true, yes. Genetically, at least.

Kyon: ...

Itsuko: Listen, since you've been so good to me today, I'll tell you what. I'll find a way to hide your, ah, injury...


She taps my cheek lightly. ...It hurts.


Itsuko: And I'll even see to it that you get plastic surgery as soon as I can arrange it.


...Free facial reconstruction just for letting you borrow a towel?! Furthermore, isn't that a bit extreme?! It's only a scar... if I can just explain it to people plausibly, I don't mind that much.

Not that much.


Itsuko: Hmm, true, it is a bit of an inequivalent exchange... what else can I get out of you, I wonder?


Her stomach rumbles.


Itsuko: Ah, see? Good things come to those who wait. You can buy me lunch.


She glances out the window.


Itsuko: And a new umbrella. In pink, of course.


Why is that every woman I know uses me as a debit card?!

There are only two kinds of women in the world. The ones that look good in the rain, and the ones that don't.
Itsuko seems to be one that looks good to me.

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Spoiler for Kyonko:

Passing on the Worst News

Stomach: Grooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaan.

Kyon: Not again.


Nayuki and I have decided to spend the day outside, since my mother is making me leave my door open from now on. ...What we're going to do tonight is something we haven't exactly figured out yet.


Nayuki: Don't look at me, smart guy. I wasn't the one who didn't serve dinner OR breakfast to the poor starving homeless girl camping out in his room. ...Oh gods, the pain...

Kyon: You're taking me for granted, you know. I could always NOT let you stay at my house.

Nayuki: And I could tell that girl you're so afraid of that I'm your secret lover. But you don't see me doing that.


How does she know about Haruhi!?


Nayuki: Oh please, it's written all over your face. You're horrible at hiding your true intentions. Now, I'd really like it if you bought me some lunch, unless you want to hear my stomach complaining all the rest of the day.


Like you and your stomach are any better at hiding your true intentions?


Kyon: Whatever, let's go. That cafe near the station probably has a good lunch menu.

Nayuki: Success! Oh, by the way, I'm not going to press you, but it'd be good if you'd buy me some new clothes, too. ...Yours really don't cut it.


It's true that she looks like a toddler in my oversized clothes, but... this way it just looks like I'm taking my sister out for a walk instead of a girlfriend. I could only grab one umbrella, since two would have looked suspicious, so... oddly enough, she doesn't seem embarrassed at all.


Kyon: You're bothered by the strangest things, you know that?

Nayuki: What's that supposed to mean, huh? I don't think I'm that weird.


You need to look in the mirror more often, then.


---


When we got to the now-familiar cafe-slash-restaurant, the idiot me decided that he had to use the bathroom and told me to order the cheapest thing on the menu before he left.

...You know, maybe I'm being a bit too mean? It's just that he's a somewhat convenient outlet, and something about his face just asks to be abused.

Am I the same way?

Well, whatever. I owe him a lot, but due to a kind of morbid curiosity, I kind of want to see how far I can push this before he explodes. Hence why I got the most expensive stuff on the menu instead.

Taking advantage of people is surprisingly fun. Is this how the other idiot feels all the time?

And so began my slow inevitable descent into darkness.


As I was enjoying my pasta (and the idiot me was enjoying the bathroom, apparently) I suddenly heard frantic footsteps and was suddenly greeted by a very wet and very harried-looking Itsuko.


Itsuko: Where have you been!? I've been worried sick! We've been combing the city all morning looking for you!


Ah. Crap. I knew should have contacted them, but, well... Besides, none of us have working cellphones, anyway. I can't be taking all the blame here.


Kyonko: Um, heh heh, well, I, uh. You're probably not going to believe this, but...

Itsuko: I don't need excuses right now. There's something you have to know.


She sits down opposite me, her expression completely serious. Instantly, I have a horrible premonition of what she's about to say.


Itsuko: We're not going to be able to go home.

Kyonko: ...Why? What happened? Wait, don't tell me--

Itsuko: The last report from Kimidori-kun seemed to indicate that... Haruki Suzumiya-san has destroyed our original universe completely.

Kyonko: .......Say again?

Itsuko: Suzumiya-san has destroyed everything and everyone we've come to know and love.


...No way. This is a joke, right? Haruki'd never do something like that. He's not that stupid, right?

The part of my brain containing common sense tells me that yes, he is.

This isn't a very funny joke. It's not very funny at all. No way no way, no way.

This can't be happening. I was actually starting to have fun here, too. Why did news like this have to ruin it? This isn't fair. No way.

I want to go home. I want to see my family again. I want to see my classmates again. I even want to see Haruki again... No way!

And you're telling me I can never do these things!? That's bull. You're lying. April Fool's isn't for half a year. This isn't funny, isn't funny at all! Where's the evidence of this? Who says Kimidori-senpai isn't lying? Who says you aren't lying!? Why should I believe any of you? No way no way no way in hell!


Itsuko: Just calm down and listen. Now, there might still be something we can do, but I do not--

Kyon: Oi! Doesn't that cost the most of anything here!? Do you want me to go broke?


An annoyed voice cuts through the fog of disbelief. Somehow, it's reassuring.

Somehow, it's the only thing that's managed to remain real.


And I thought I could start the new semester off peacefully. I should have known better.

I'm friends with Haruki Suzumiya. My life will never be peaceful again.


Please, god, would someone just end this?

Could it be you?

Poor Kyonko. Getting a shock like that.
And poor Kyon's wallet. He just can't get a break, even from the person most likely to understand his monetary suffering.

[scify]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Spoiler for Noon- Nagato:

The Ceremony
???: I? wHaT aM i?


It spoke in the voices of two thousand singers, two thousand artists, two thousand songs.


???: PlEaSe AlLoW mE To InTrOdUcE mYsElF.


The voice sounded as though it was older than time.


???: I aM a MaN oF WeAlTh AnD tAsTe.

Hmm... I am reminded of the SHODAN hacking scene from NXE. I like it.

[Heatth]

Originally Posted by otai

If costumes are useless, how about high tech equipment? A pair of proton packs and a muon trap.

Even less sense. Yuki's thecnology (or 'magic') is completely non-material. Well, It doin't matter now, Kaisos handled that in a good way.

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Spoiler for Noon- Nagato:

The Ceremony

Yuki: Everything is in place.


For the past couple of hours, Nagato had been muttering strange phrases under her breath, readjusting the position of what few objects she had in the room, and, explicably, drawing a small magic circle on the floor in what appeared to be salt.


Kyon: That's good, but... is this all really necessary?

Yuki: Not exactly.


Then what was the point of all that just now!?


Yuki: It will help you to relax during the ceremony.

Kyon: ...You sure about that?


It's actually making me at lot more nervous.

Nagato instructed me to place the headphones in the middle of the circle. Since I didn't want to touch them with my bare skin, I just put the box there instead. Hey, Nagato, maybe you can exorcise my childhood while you're at it?


Yuki: Let us begin.


I followed Nagato's lead and sat across the salt circle from her, putting my hands together. ...Is this really going to work? It's not that I doubt Nagato's powers... it's just more that I doubt even she can deal with something as strange as this.

And then she began to chant.

Nagato's 'incantations' are normally incomprehensible gibberish, sped up a hundred times... but today... something is different.

I can't put my finger on it, but... it's somehow like it's not Nagato that's chanting, but... her entire apartment?

We sat like this for a few moments, which quickly turned to minutes. Nothing happened, but then...

Nagato's incantations suddenly started to make sense.


Yuki: Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage.


Uh. That doesn't sound exactly--


All of a sudden, something somewhere shifts, and I'm thrown off-balance, falling flat on my face. In front of my eyes, the circle of salt slowly starts to glow.


Yuki: Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage.


With my ear to the floor, I can hear it. A rumbling noise is gradually building up beneath the floorboards, as though the noise itself is straining to break free.

...So this is an exorcism, huh?

With a loud CRACK, the top of the box flies open, and slowly, ever so slowly, the headphones begin to rise up... and the noise beneath the floor with them.

It's screams. Thousands of screaming voices erupt at once, resounding their despair in unison. Screams that sound almost as they're taking the form of a song.

As I struggle to my knees against the growing pressure, I realize: They're not like a song. They ARE the songs. All the music that has ever passed through those headphones has now changed into screams.

Now that's just a bit eerie.


Yuki: Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage.


So is that.

...? This... isn't good.

I feel the taste of bile in the back of my throat... in fact, it seems as though I'm about to gllllllrchcchckkk.


Suddenly I'm hurling all over the floor. The mess burns as it comes up, and...

It's burning far too much.

...I'm not throwing up vomit. What's on the cracked and twisted floor isn't anything recognizable. In fact, it's even transparent.

What I have been expelling from my mouth resembles what you'd get if you took heat waves and made them semisolid. It's a pile of steaming invisible goo.

And yet. I don't feel as though this is a dream at all. This is all actually happening, right in front of me.

Nagato? Help? Please?

God, what the hell is going on?


A whirlwind has begun to whip up around the ever-screaming headphones, sucking in the solidified heat that I just disgorged.


Yuki: Perish.


And with that, the headphones cracked and twisted upon themselves into a ball of scrap and fell back into my box of memories, which immediately snapped shut.

I exhaled. And for a moment, everything was finally calm.

Until both Nagato and I noticed that the solidified heat was still suspended in midair. Floating, ominous.


Kyon: Nagato? What is that?

Yuki: ...Your possessor.


The stuff trickled down to the floor, and started to form translucent feet... legs... a torso... arms and hands... and head. Complete with a big, wide smile.

It tried to reach out to me, but when its hands crossed over the edge of Nagato's magic circle, it shrank back as though in pain.


Yuki: Do not worry. It cannot pass through the barrier I have constructed.


The thing looked down at its captor, apparently in displeasure. The salt circle exploded outward.


As did the walls.

We suddenly found ourselves in the middle of a desert... the same environment, in fact, where we fought that cave cricket all those months ago.

Alternate space.


Yuki: Duck. Quickly.


I duck... just in time to avoid the thing, which, snarling like a tiger, had launched itself at me. It hit a sand dune, and righting itself, prepared to pounce again.


Kyon: What the hell are you!?


That's a question I'd really like an answer to right now.

The thing chuckled.


???: I? wHaT aM i?


It spoke in the voices of two thousand singers, two thousand artists, two thousand songs.


???: PlEaSe AlLoW mE To InTrOdUcE mYsElF.


The voice sounded as though it was older than time.


???: I aM a MaN oF WeAlTh AnD tAsTe.

Well, weird as usual. Not quite enough to beat Haruhi's scene, of course (and I doubt it was your intention, anyway), but still pretty good. I am also vry curious about that guy. I guess I may know who he is, but I have no idea what he is doing, anyway. Waiting anxiously for the next scene.

As a few nitpick, Nagato's chanting was completely different then what is on the novels. Actually, there Kyon could understand what she was saying at last once, but she was actually chanting a SQL code (or something similar).

Btw, to tell the truth I tought they would me Yuuki somehow on this scene. Apparently Kyon will get an idea of what is going on on the end of Day 6 no matter what right? I can see how he reached the conclusion on each scene, but not on this one. I soppose there is still the 'eveing' bit, but still is hard to think how would Kyon have time to think on the 'space mutant' from the other day after what happened just now. I am very curious how is this going to play out (will Yuuki show himself for some reason? Help to fight the misterious guy?).

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Spoiler for September the Seventh, Day Six: Noon- Itsuko:

Treating the Symptoms

The rocks stopped hitting the window at about lunchtime. Since there was no call for lunch, it appears my mother and sister have gone out again. ...On a day like this?

...

It's raining really hard. I've decided to grab my blankets and huddle in the corner furthest from the window, and try to forget everything.

But I can't forget the pain in my face.

...

It's raining really hard.

---

Koizumi-san's still there, still looking up at me, although she's stopped throwing stones. Realizing how useless an umbrella like that is in the rain, she's cast it aside.

Dripping wet, she stares up at my bedroom, all alone. Her expression is full of melancholy, and, to use an old cliche, the water running down her face looks exactly like tears. ...If it wasn't raining, I'm sure it would be.

...She's going to catch a cold like that.


Kyon: Hey.

Itsuko: Ah, hello. Come to laugh at me? Or do you merely enjoy watching rain-soaked young women? I have a friend who has that exact same hobby. Maybe I'll introduce you two sometime.

Kyon: Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Koizumi-san. ...The door's open.


I turned around before I could see her reaction.


---


Itsuko: Thank you so much for this. I mean it, you know.


Koizumi-san was towelling off in the living room. I noticed that she was rubbing her breasts extra vigorously, probably just to make me uncomfortable again. ...No, I can't keep thinking like that. The other shoe is just going to continue dropping.

I can't trust this person, but... I can't just leave her alone, either. Especially if she's just going to stand in my backyard all day.

So...


Kyon: You sure you don't want to change? I think my mom still has some old clothes...

Itsuko: I appreciate the offer, but these are fine, even if a little damp.


She sneezed cutely.


Itsuko: But why are you so insistent upon... unless... Gasp!


She covered her mouth after saying the word “gasp”.


Itsuko: You're planning to spy on me while I'm undressing, aren't you!? Naughty...

Kyon: ...Don't do that.

Itsuko: Oh, please. If you didn't react like such a prude I wouldn't say things like that to begin with.

Kyon: No, I mean... don't pretend to be cheerful when you're not. It's bad to just bottle things up.


This is just Koizumi-san's way of coping with things, but... I don't think it's healthy at all. Of course, it isn't good to just let everything out like a certain other person I know, but...


Itsuko: ...? But I am cheerful. I'm being paid (very) close attention to by a moderately attractive man inside a warm, comfortable home while the weather is terrible. What more could I want out of life?


The way she acts is... I think I've figured something out.


Kyon: You're not really Koizumi's cousin, right?

Itsuko: ...I should think that would be obvious at this point.

Kyon: You're actually his twin sister.

Itsuko: Pfffffff!


...Okay, that didn't sound stupid while it was still in my head. Stop laughing, Koizumi-san.


Itsuko: Hohohohoho... well, I suppose that's actually true, yes. Genetically, at least.

Kyon: ...

Itsuko: Listen, since you've been so good to me today, I'll tell you what. I'll find a way to hide your, ah, injury...


She taps my cheek lightly. ...It hurts.


Itsuko: And I'll even see to it that you get plastic surgery as soon as I can arrange it.


...Free facial reconstruction just for letting you borrow a towel?! Furthermore, isn't that a bit extreme?! It's only a scar... if I can just explain it to people plausibly, I don't mind that much.

Not that much.


Itsuko: Hmm, true, it is a bit of an inequivalent exchange... what else can I get out of you, I wonder?


Her stomach rumbles.


Itsuko: Ah, see? Good things come to those who wait. You can buy me lunch.


She glances out the window.


Itsuko: And a new umbrella. In pink, of course.


Why is that every woman I know uses me as a debit card?!

Nice. I a not as excited about this one tough. The other evening scenes are more interesting. (maybe the awesomeness on her scenes on Day5 overshadow Day6?)

Still, it is nice to see Kyon being genuelly nice. Even better he still have his guard up, but without just having the girl get sick. I am not sure why Itsuko wants so badly. Have I missed someting?

I have some doubt about Kyon's scar, however. It was not clear, but how bad it is? I tought it was pretty bad, but it don't fit to Kyon's reaction. Also, how have Kyon's family not noticed yet? (or I am forgoting something? I should reread the last scenes).

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Spoiler for September the Seventh, Day Six: Noon- Kyonko:

Passing on the Worst News

Stomach: Grooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaan.

Kyon: Not again.


Nayuki and I have decided to spend the day outside, since my mother is making me leave my door open from now on. ...What we're going to do tonight is something we haven't exactly figured out yet.


Nayuki: Don't look at me, smart guy. I wasn't the one who didn't serve dinner OR breakfast to the poor starving homeless girl camping out in his room. ...Oh gods, the pain...

Kyon: You're taking me for granted, you know. I could always NOT let you stay at my house.

Nayuki: And I could tell that girl you're so afraid of that I'm your secret lover. But you don't see me doing that.


How does she know about Haruhi!?


Nayuki: Oh please, it's written all over your face. You're horrible at hiding your true intentions. Now, I'd really like it if you bought me some lunch, unless you want to hear my stomach complaining all the rest of the day.


Like you and your stomach are any better at hiding your true intentions?


Kyon: Whatever, let's go. That cafe near the station probably has a good lunch menu.

Nayuki: Success! Oh, by the way, I'm not going to press you, but it'd be good if you'd buy me some new clothes, too. ...Yours really don't cut it.


It's true that she looks like a toddler in my oversized clothes, but... this way it just looks like I'm taking my sister out for a walk instead of a girlfriend. I could only grab one umbrella, since two would have looked suspicious, so... oddly enough, she doesn't seem embarrassed at all.


Kyon: You're bothered by the strangest things, you know that?

Nayuki: What's that supposed to mean, huh? I don't think I'm that weird.


You need to look in the mirror more often, then.


---


When we got to the now-familiar cafe-slash-restaurant, the idiot me decided that he had to use the bathroom and told me to order the cheapest thing on the menu before he left.

...You know, maybe I'm being a bit too mean? It's just that he's a somewhat convenient outlet, and something about his face just asks to be abused.

Am I the same way?

Well, whatever. I owe him a lot, but due to a kind of morbid curiosity, I kind of want to see how far I can push this before he explodes. Hence why I got the most expensive stuff on the menu instead.

Taking advantage of people is surprisingly fun. Is this how the other idiot feels all the time?

And so began my slow inevitable descent into darkness.


As I was enjoying my pasta (and the idiot me was enjoying the bathroom, apparently) I suddenly heard frantic footsteps and was suddenly greeted by a very wet and very harried-looking Itsuko.


Itsuko: Where have you been!? I've been worried sick! We've been combing the city all morning looking for you!


Ah. Crap. I knew should have contacted them, but, well... Besides, none of us have working cellphones, anyway. I can't be taking all the blame here.


Kyonko: Um, heh heh, well, I, uh. You're probably not going to believe this, but...

Itsuko: I don't need excuses right now. There's something you have to know.


She sits down opposite me, her expression completely serious. Instantly, I have a horrible premonition of what she's about to say.


Itsuko: We're not going to be able to go home.

Kyonko: ...Why? What happened? Wait, don't tell me--

Itsuko: The last report from Kimidori-kun seemed to indicate that... Haruki Suzumiya-san has destroyed our original universe completely.

Kyonko: .......Say again?

Itsuko: Suzumiya-san has destroyed everything and everyone we've come to know and love.


...No way. This is a joke, right? Haruki'd never do something like that. He's not that stupid, right?

The part of my brain containing common sense tells me that yes, he is.

This isn't a very funny joke. It's not very funny at all. No way no way, no way.

This can't be happening. I was actually starting to have fun here, too. Why did news like this have to ruin it? This isn't fair. No way.

I want to go home. I want to see my family again. I want to see my classmates again. I even want to see Haruki again... No way!

And you're telling me I can never do these things!? That's bull. You're lying. April Fool's isn't for half a year. This isn't funny, isn't funny at all! Where's the evidence of this? Who says Kimidori-senpai isn't lying? Who says you aren't lying!? Why should I believe any of you? No way no way no way in hell!


Itsuko: Just calm down and listen. Now, there might still be something we can do, but I do not--

Kyon: Oi! Doesn't that cost the most of anything here!? Do you want me to go broke?


An annoyed voice cuts through the fog of disbelief. Somehow, it's reassuring.

Somehow, it's the only thing that's managed to remain real.


And I thought I could start the new semester off peacefully. I should have known better.

I'm friends with Haruki Suzumiya. My life will never be peaceful again.


Please, god, would someone just end this?

Could it be you?

Kyonko's scenes are funny, as usuall. At last this time Kyonko is aware how bad she is being to Kyon. I would say taht conciousness is what differ her from Haruhi (not that is being of any use for Kyon, of course, but at last she knows how to say 'thanks' latter ).

As usual, Poor Kyonko. She can't take a break. Just now she is having "fun" . Well, she had to know soon or latter. Oh, yeah, I don't know if it was because that, but thanks for giving us a new Kyonko scene, een if it was a brief one.

I am curious to see if Kyon over heard something, and also to see Itsuko's reaction.

About Kyon's money, I wonder if he will be broke after Kyonko's, Itsko's or Haruhi's scene. Specially considering the DebtSlave variable. Hey, you could make it a scene variation. (I also hope Kyon don't need money latter on. This could even make a very nasty Bad End)

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Spoiler for "September the Seventh, Day Six: Noon:

Noon

I sat in my room and did nothing of note.

I just waited.

Waited for what? I don't know the answer to that.

Soon enough, it was evening.

Only a few hours remained.

I find these scene hilarious. Kyon really should thanks Haruhi for usually having something more interesting to don on weekends.

Originally Posted by GDB

Pretty sure the implication is the same as every other time someone from the Seitenkan says Kyon is just like someone they know. In other words: Haruki.

The same for Kyonko and Haruhi, probably. We have to wait her to properly met the other Brigade members.

[otai]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Spoiler for September the Seventh, Day Six: Noon:

Stereotypical Stalking

For the past few hours, Asahina-san and I have been following someone. ...I'm still not sure why, though I have my suspicions.

When we got to the station at about noon, Asahina-san had looked around, clearly spotted something, and then requested that I follow her, as she “had somewhere she wanted to go”.

It wasn't long before I myself noticed who we were following... a boy in what appeared to be a Victorian-era suit, complete with Victorian-era umbrella.

...I don't normally begrudge people on their choice of clothing, but isn't that just a little odd?

At the time, I had asked Asahina-san what we were even doing, but she only shushed me nervously. Very comforting, Asahina-san.

We followed him all the way around the shopping district, down to the riverbank (where, mercifully, Haruhi was not making her presence known) up through the residential area (we even passed by my house!) and now on the road that leads up to the nearby mountain.

...Does this guy have any sense of purpose?

And so, Asahina-san and I are peeking out from behind a telephone pole, staring at the Victorian boy, who has decided to stop in the middle of the road and stare up at the sky. We look so stereotypical that I'm surprised no one's called the police yet.

By the way, I'm not an idiot. At this point, it's obvious today's outing wasn't Asahina-san's idea at all, but that of her superiors... I'm feeling a little hurt that she had to lie to me, but this is probably more important than my feelings anyway.

The Victorian boy slumps his shoulders. He's clearly depressed about something... oh, look, he's turning around.


Kyon: What do we do, Asahina-san? If he comes any closer, he's going to see us.


I felt the pattern of the rain all of a sudden. Asahina-san has vanished.


Kyon: ...Huh? Where'd she...?


I step out of the shadows to look for her... and find myself right in front of the boy we've been following this whole time.


Kyon: ...

Mitsuuru: ...

Kyon: Uh. Greetings.


His face darkens slightly. He knows.

Does anyone remember this:


from way back when?

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Spoiler for September the Seventh, Day Six: Noon:

The Ceremony

Yuki: Everything is in place.


For the past couple of hours, Nagato had been muttering strange phrases under her breath, readjusting the position of what few objects she had in the room, and, explicably, drawing a small magic circle on the floor in what appeared to be salt.


Kyon: That's good, but... is this all really necessary?

Yuki: Not exactly.


Then what was the point of all that just now!?


Yuki: It will help you to relax during the ceremony.

Kyon: ...You sure about that?


It's actually making me at lot more nervous.

Nagato instructed me to place the headphones in the middle of the circle. Since I didn't want to touch them with my bare skin, I just put the box there instead. Hey, Nagato, maybe you can exorcise my childhood while you're at it?


Yuki: Let us begin.


I followed Nagato's lead and sat across the salt circle from her, putting my hands together. ...Is this really going to work? It's not that I doubt Nagato's powers... it's just more that I doubt even she can deal with something as strange as this.

And then she began to chant.

Nagato's 'incantations' are normally incomprehensible gibberish, sped up a hundred times... but today... something is different.

I can't put my finger on it, but... it's somehow like it's not Nagato that's chanting, but... her entire apartment?

We sat like this for a few moments, which quickly turned to minutes. Nothing happened, but then...

Nagato's incantations suddenly started to make sense.


Yuki: Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage.


Uh. That doesn't sound exactly--


All of a sudden, something somewhere shifts, and I'm thrown off-balance, falling flat on my face. In front of my eyes, the circle of salt slowly starts to glow.


Yuki: Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage.


With my ear to the floor, I can hear it. A rumbling noise is gradually building up beneath the floorboards, as though the noise itself is straining to break free.

...So this is an exorcism, huh?

With a loud CRACK, the top of the box flies open, and slowly, ever so slowly, the headphones begin to rise up... and the noise beneath the floor with them.

It's screams. Thousands of screaming voices erupt at once, resounding their despair in unison. Screams that sound almost as they're taking the form of a song.

As I struggle to my knees against the growing pressure, I realize: They're not like a song. They ARE the songs. All the music that has ever passed through those headphones has now changed into screams.

Now that's just a bit eerie.


Yuki: Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage. Release this trapped soul from its innocent cage.


So is that.

...? This... isn't good.

I feel the taste of bile in the back of my throat... in fact, it seems as though I'm about to gllllllrchcchckkk.


Suddenly I'm hurling all over the floor. The mess burns as it comes up, and...

It's burning far too much.

...I'm not throwing up vomit. What's on the cracked and twisted floor isn't anything recognizable. In fact, it's even transparent.

What I have been expelling from my mouth resembles what you'd get if you took heat waves and made them semisolid. It's a pile of steaming invisible goo.

And yet. I don't feel as though this is a dream at all. This is all actually happening, right in front of me.

Nagato? Help? Please?

God, what the hell is going on?


A whirlwind has begun to whip up around the ever-screaming headphones, sucking in the solidified heat that I just disgorged.


Yuki: Perish.


And with that, the headphones cracked and twisted upon themselves into a ball of scrap and fell back into my box of memories, which immediately snapped shut.

I exhaled. And for a moment, everything was finally calm. Even the rain had stopped.

Until both Nagato and I noticed that the solidified heat was still suspended in midair. Floating, ominous.


Kyon: Nagato? What is that?

Yuki: ...Your possessor.


The stuff trickled down to the floor, and started to form translucent feet... legs... a torso... arms and hands... and head. Complete with a big, wide smile.

It tried to reach out to me, but when its hands crossed over the edge of Nagato's magic circle, it shrank back as though in pain.


Yuki: Do not worry. It cannot pass through the barrier I have constructed.


The thing looked down at its captor, apparently in displeasure. The salt circle exploded outward.


As did the walls.

We suddenly found ourselves in the middle of a desert... the same environment, in fact, where we fought that cave cricket all those months ago.

Alternate space.


Yuki: Duck. Quickly.


I duck... just in time to avoid the thing, which, snarling like a tiger, had launched itself at me. It hit a sand dune, and righting itself, prepared to pounce again.


Kyon: What the hell are you!?


That's a question I'd really like an answer to right now.

The thing chuckled.


???: I? wHaT aM i?


It spoke in the voices of two thousand singers, two thousand artists, two thousand songs.


???: I aM a MaN oF WeAlTh AnD tAsTe.

It's Gilgamesh. Bow before the King of Heroes, you mongrels!

Seriously though, my suggestion for the mindscrew was for Kyon to be confused about whether he's the possessor or the possessee. Something like Far Side Shiki.

Yeah, I know it's done, but I would've done something like:

Kyon: It hurts! Listening to Nagato's chanting is agony! Make it stop! I have to leave this body!

Hold it! My body! This is my body, isn't it? What wrong with me? Make it go away?! BARF!

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Spoiler for September the Seventh, Day Six: Noon:

Noon

I sat in my room and did nothing of note.

I just waited.

Waited for what? I don't know the answer to that.

Soon enough, it was evening.

Only a few hours remained.

We probably could use Itsuki here to make contact with Kyon in this path, especially if you need any exposition. Why? Itsuki: Consolation prize.

Overall, great job. Loved it, man.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

Originally Posted by otai

It's Gilgamesh. Bow before the King of Heroes, you mongrels!

Gilgamesh? You mean the guy with the six arms who always gets stuck with third rate imitations of famous swords? Well, he does have an awesome battle theme.

Originally Posted by otai

Yeah, I know it's done, but I would've done something like:

Kyon: It hurts! Listening to Nagato's chanting is agony! Make it stop! I have to leave this body!

Hold it! My body! This is my body, isn't it? What wrong with me? Make it go away?! BARF!

... Technically speaking, it still isn't too late to alter the scene.

[GDB]

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

Gilgamesh? You mean the guy with the six arms who always gets stuck with third rate imitations of famous swords? Well, he does have an awesome battle theme.

I assume he means this guy:

Spoiler for Gilgamesh:

Don't feel like finding his "fabulously" dressed version from the anime, but yeah.

[swtrooper42]

Originally Posted by GDB

Don't feel like finding his "fabulously" dressed version from the anime, but yeah.

His Unlimited Blade Works casual wear is much cooler.

I always said that evil combat-mode Haruki would be basically Gilgamesh.

He's here to take back his women, kick your ass, and look awesome while he does it with his incredibly overpowered moves.

[CrowKenobi]

And use a power that has been endlessly parodied:

Spoiler for an example:

[Khu]

Until Shir_u! 1 UP'ed him.

[Joe4evr]

Originally Posted by CrowKenobi

Spoiler for an example:

Gotta admit, haven't seen this one before.

[edkedkedk]

Originally Posted by CrowKenobi

And use a power that has been endlessly parodied:

Spoiler for an example:

Originally Posted by Joe4evr

Gotta admit, haven't seen this one before.

Me neither What power is this, anyway?

On to the story, the recent turn of events has made Yuki's path my favorite. The cliffhanger is awesome, and it's always cool to be able to (hopefully?) see Yuki do battle again

Itsuko used to be my favorite before being dethroned by Yuki, but nonetheless still ranks high. Her scenes are... how do I put it... very appealing

[darksassin]

Originally Posted by CrowKenobi

And use a power that has been endlessly parodied:

Spoiler for an example:

I think this is a parody the Gate of Babylon, the power to summon weapons from Gilgamesh cache and throw them as projectiles, not Unlimited Blade Works
This time Yuki sommon her book to be used as weapons huh,

[bhl88]

Battle scenes need awesome music (like the dodgeball bgm in Haruhi-chan)

[SgtHydra]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Okay, finally. Full version of the Noon sequences.

Spoiler for September the Seventh, Day Six: Noon:

???: I? wHaT aM i?


It spoke in the voices of two thousand singers, two thousand artists, two thousand songs.


???: I aM a MaN oF WeAlTh AnD tAsTe.

I aM TORgo. I Take CARe oF THe pLaCE whILE the MASTer is awAY.

Sorry... I just had to make that reference...

[Roger Rambo]

Originally Posted by otai

Does anyone remember this:


from way back when?

I really like this image.

There's something awesome about this cock sure action guy dragging his cute snarky love interest minion off into crazy situations. She finds it all absurd and makes it well known, but due to his sheer force of personality (...and maybe physical strength) she finds herself unable to avoid the situation.


It's a slightly different dynamic than what you had in the non genderbent universe, and I kinda like it better.

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by SgtHydra

I aM TORgo. I Take CARe oF THe pLaCE whILE the MASTer is awAY.

No, that's not in the least what he is.

Originally Posted by Roger Rambo

It's a slightly different dynamic than what you had in the non genderbent universe, and I kinda like it better.

Wasn't that the point of all this to begin with?

Also, there will be an update tomorrow or I'll eat my toque.

[s07195]

Originally Posted by GDB

I assume he means this guy:

Spoiler for Gilgamesh:

Don't feel like finding his "fabulously" dressed version from the anime, but yeah.

WTF!?
I was a diferent guy when I checked yesterday, and now it's some random woman?
Is this some sort of joke?
Am I going mad?

Anyways I think my favorite scene would be Kyonko>Yuki>Haruhi>Itsuko>Mikuru
Poor Kyonko. And Kyon, why doesn't he (or at least his wallet) ever get a break? And this is KYONKO harassing him. I mean, technically it's like asking yourself to pay for you, but won't she understand Kyon more than anyone about money problems?
For the Yuki scene I'd say to go with Kogetsu's kind of idea.
Hmm...is the Itsuko scene what they call WAFF at tvtropes? Or is it fluff? Or neither? Kinda gave me that feeling.

I kinda think that Kyonko is gonna turn out to be more like Haruhi than she thinks.
Kyon and Kyonko: I am not like Haruki/Haruhi

[Tyabann]

For what it's worth, my favorite scenes, in order, are Itsuko>Haruhi>Kyonko>Yuki>Mikuru.

Itsuko is such a delight to write for. You all have no idea.

Oh, and I'm really surprised there are people who haven't at least heard of the King of Heroes...

[s07195]

Aaaaaand...Mikuru is still the last