Dating

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4

That said, after a two hour talk last night, my girlfriend and I did decide that we love each other, so I guess you could call that "eternal devotion." However, I like to think that it was a result of realistically assessing where we are, what we want, and how we feel, rather than saying it simply because of crazy infatuation.

Hey, congratulations! Is this the one you initially had doubts over?

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by kitten320

I'm not asexual and I'm a girl of the age of 21 and I never went through the whole love drama

There was a guy whom I really liked and I still kind of like him but it was years since I last saw him or talked to him
As a teen I did get depressed a bit but that lasted just few days
I guess I'm weird.

Because truthfully love struck people like that annoy me and those who are even considering suicide deserve to be smacked on the head... HARD!

I guess you're not a... Romantic!
I don't know, it may depend on the nature of the crush, and the person themselves. My crush lasted a year or so, and never had any resolution, so the heart ache lingered.

My second crush I didn't really have any lingering feelings for. I got over her pretty quick as I realised she wasn't the person I thought she was.

Nothing worse then ambiguousness.

Though I do think the teen cocktail of hormones combined with the novelty of the experience makes extreme melodramatic teen crushes very likely for most people. It's part of growing up and needs to be tolerated with a degree of understanding. It's also a pillar manga is built on!

Such love dedication should be addressed to someone who accepts and returns it, that will noble. He will be a worthy guy then.
But going crazy over person who doesn't give a shit just makes him look like an idiot. There is nothing noble in that at all.
Bravery/Nobility and Idiocy stand really close together and a lot of people confuse them. Someone I know wants to be brave but always ends as an idiot
The best choice would be to try and to show that he is an idiot right now, though knowing from experience that will be a very hard task...

Sound words.

[Tenken's Smile]

To everyone:
If someone loves me and I feel the same toward him, I'll be more than glad to move forward
I don't understand how someone could run away from love. I tried to put myself in his shoes and still can't understand it. To me, the only time I would run was when I didn't have the same feelings for them (the case of one-sided love). That's the only time I would be "scared."

[warita]

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

I was gonna type something when I was at work but then I ran out of time. Your friend should not be considering suicide at the age of 15 for a love relationship. No on should. The only reason I can imagine someone of that age consider suicide is if they're on drugs, pregnant or suffering domestic abuse. If you friend is serious about that, then there is something extremely negative in his life that needs to be dealt with immediately from professional attention. That age is way too young.

I dont want to sound harsh.... but I think he said he is considering suicide just for the attention.

As a child and a teenager I used to suffer from heavy depressions and there were times I considered putting an end to it. But I never bothered my family and friends with it. I mean just imagine what kind of anguish it would cause your family, when they hear such a thing. In the end, it was also because of my family that I decided not to do it, I just couldnt bear the thought of hurting them so much.

So in the light of that whenever I hear somebody lets others know he is thinking about it, I feel very doubtful of his/her intentions. I mean, does he really want to die, or is he hoping that she will hear about it and take pity on him? In the end it boils down to manipulation doesnt it?

Well, I dont know this 15 years old boy, maybe I am doing him injustice and he is sincerely depressed. In that case, he should seek professional help and stop talking about suicide, because you know.... nobody can solve his problem for him and this what he is doing is quite contraproductive.

[DonQuigleone]

This is true. In my depressive moments, I only told others about my consideration of suicide long after the fact. In truth I was always too scared to go through with it.

The most dangerous suicidals are the quiet ones. The ones who actually say something about it are unlikely to ever go through with it.

[Hera]

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

That's actually going to have a long term negative effect if you do something too interfering.

ugh... May I ask what kind of things can happen in the long term.....??

I don't understand how someone could run away from love....

I don't understand either He was flirting and talking to this girl almost everyday, but at the same time, I saw him flirt with other girls, too, though not as much or as "deep" He's yearning for affection, I guess .-. Another problem is, he is distancing himself not only from this girl, but from other friends, too .-. I think he's taking time to think....

[Gamer_2k4]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

Hey, congratulations! Is this the one you initially had doubts over?

It sure is. Funny how things work out, eh?

[Paranoid Android]

Originally Posted by Hera

ugh... May I ask what kind of things can happen in the long term.....??


I don't understand either He was flirting and talking to this girl almost everyday, but at the same time, I saw him flirt with other girls, too, though not as much or as "deep" He's yearning for affection, I guess .-. Another problem is, he is distancing himself not only from this girl, but from all FB friends he knew, too .-. I think he's taking time to think....

1. You interfere too much and your friend will feel that he is competent without your assistance, it's bad for his ego.

2. When you make a big positive change to someone's life, you won't see it the same way that person does. You might have done something that makes the person feel extremely grateful and view you as a savior. My grandmother did such a thing for a friend of hers, her friend became SO grateful that she stopped living with her husband and spends her entire life trying to repay my grandmother and even moved in. My mom got angry because she doesn't like some outside woman hogging her mother. My mom filed a restraining order against this person because she was so dependent/overwhelmingly fond. This person immediately committed suicide.

Spoiler for Another example:

Similarly, when I had a suicidal phase in my life, I was basically begging the psychiatrist to help me. That psychiatrist refused to help me the way I wanted him to help me. When I got out of that extremely depressive situation, I was furious because I thought that psychiatrist had the capabilities of helping me out and then I wouldn't have to endure to risk of accidentally ending my own life. But I realized, that if I didn't get myself out of my problems, I will never be able to again. I might end up relying on that psychiatrist for all my problems for the rest of my life.

Now you might say those are rather extreme in comparison to your 20 yr friend. But understand that generosity is also very tempting. You help him out with something small and he'll come back to you for something small but marginally more than before. It's hard to turn down a friend if you know you can make them so happy and grateful for you. It's like lying, it gets deeper and deeper.
----------
Anything could have triggered your friend's sudden solitary attitude. But I don't believe he enjoys silence. It's a rather depressive way of showing he wants to feel needed or desired.

Let him know you are aware of his behavior at least. I'm not sure just how far you can go in helping him. I'm already jealous that he has a friend who pays attention to his well being.

[Hera]

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

Let him know you are aware of his behavior at least.

Let him know that "hey, I know you're ignoring us to get our attention"? lmao

[Paranoid Android]

Originally Posted by Hera

Let him know that "hey, I know you're ignoring us to get our attention"? lmao

Well not like that!

Something along the lines of "Are you alright? You seem depressed lately. You know that girl from fb, you should really take a shot and get a hold of her irl, I don't know why you didn't. She clearly wants to see you. I don't know if you are desperate for someone to care for you but everyone's got their own life issues and it's really hard for others to get close to you if you remain so introverted and isolate yourself. I don't know if I'm exaggerating but I hope you can come to realize that and be a little more direct and open. Really there's no harm in that. Btw, are you interested in a 3some?"


*We are going really off topic xP

[Hera]

Well I sent him some cheerful happy jolly words but he didn't reply (thought I should cheer him up or assess his mood before talking about the problem)

[warita]

Originally Posted by Hera

Well I sent him some cheerful happy jolly words but he didn't reply (thought I should cheer him up or assess his mood before talking about the problem)

@Hera-chan.... dont bother.... he obviously has issues with himself and you cant solve it for him, he needs to figure it out himself. You cant force people into being happy or doing the right thing.

[Hera]

Ok.... thanks for your help so far

[warita]

I dont know, if it is the best place to post it, but I made a pretty scarf for my bf. He had birthday not so long ago. The yarn was a 75% wool and 25% some arteficial fibre, the end result was an incredibly warm and cozy scarf for the cold winter days.



I think what inspired my bf to ask for a scarf was the mawaru penguin drum anime. We both watched it and he suddenly asked for something hand knitted. Lets just say it was a lot of work. I mean, I gladly do for my sweetheart.... but ufffff

[Ledgem]

That's pretty impressive, it looks like it came out nicely. Good for you!

[Paranoid Android]

Hey that's nice

I recently watched true tears with someone because she hasn't seen it and wanted to. That came up in my head when I saw your hand knit scarf.

Not many young people can hand knit :O (Well I have a friend who has like OCD and knits constantly whenever she's not doing something with her hands). Your boyfriend better be extremely happy!

[RWBladewing]

Everyone with relationship issues can at least take solace in the fact that they aren't me - 2 months away from 28 and have never had a single person express even the tiniest hint of romantic interest. You know that one anime character archetype, the main character's comedy relief best friend who never gets any of the girls? That guy is me irl.

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by RWBladewing

Everyone with relationship issues can at least take solace in the fact that they aren't me - 2 months away from 28 and have never had a single person express even the tiniest hint of romantic interest. You know that one anime character archetype, the main character's comedy relief best friend who never gets any of the girls? That guy is me irl.

Better to be with "Ms/Mr Right" than "Ms/Mr Right Now", IMO; I wouldn't stress it too much.. However, if it really bothers you (and not just because society seems to place people's worth on if they have a partner), then you could go and examine it - are you perhaps subconsciously just not ready/desiring a relationship, and it's "pushing" others away? Are you going after certain types that're just not compatible? There's a million and one reasons why someone might be (or remain) single.

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by RWBladewing

Everyone with relationship issues can at least take solace in the fact that they aren't me - 2 months away from 28 and have never had a single person express even the tiniest hint of romantic interest. You know that one anime character archetype, the main character's comedy relief best friend who never gets any of the girls? That guy is me irl.

You're me in 5 years! Aaaahhhh...

[Paranoid Android]

Have you sincerely tried getting a girlfriend? I'm the type of guy who comes off as a totally average boring person. It's because my appearance doesn't match my hobbies or personality. And even at that, I'm the type of guy who has nothing particularly attractive. All I have is being honest (I can't sweet talk ) and keeping my manners/temper. They're traits that don't come off as attractive and only appreciable to women when they're in the process of breaking up with a guy.

I have no choice but to force myself into the view of other women and force them to know me. Or else they can't see anything interesting in me. While I wish someone did take interest in me before I do, that's kind of how I have to live with myself. And it's worked quite well. I just have to be more assertive than my comfort zone and devote more than a typical guy my age.

The other downside is breaking up. A lot of my break ups involve the girl repeatedly stalking me and trying to make up again. Most of my better traits are only noticed upon self reflection after conflicts occur. ;__;