I mean, then she drags him by the ear and gives him and Rin a solid scolding, then makes them both apologize to Sakura. Yes. That's what I meant. Pay no attention to the first line of this post.
Don't you mean after she has her way with him? A battered Shirou wold be hardly enjoyable; pummeling him afterwards OTOH is a great way to hide evidence from Sakura.
I really don't see how anything has changed. The only difference is whether he just likes Sakura/Rin that much or not.
Which means changing his personality and thoughts prior to the beginning of the game.
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As far as I'm aware of, he only repressed the belief that Sakura wasn't involved.
No. Rin may well have repressed that belief, but Shirou quite simply had absolutely no reason to believe that she was involved. At least until he found out that Shinji was a magus, anyway....
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If I recall, he actually admitted to liking Sakura romantically very early on (before Shirou and Saber encounter a confrontation between Archer and Rin and Zoken)
He admitted that he found her attractive, but he also said that it troubled him, and he thought it was "wrong" to be attracted to the sister of his friend (and his Kohai).
If you read through HF, it's quite clear that he was in denial of his true feelings for Sakura.
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Yes but the player IS Shirou.
Well, no, not quite. The player is representing Shirou when we make decisions, but Shirou has his own thought processes and emotions that are not necessarily the same as those of the player.
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The dilemnas and decisions are supposed to be a reflection of what Shirou actually feels.
Not really. When Shirou has a clear feeling on an issue, we do not get a choice at all. It's when there is more of a dilemma that we get a choice, and even then the Bad Ends are considered "non-canon" (in the sense that Shirou wouldn't really act that way).
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Are you saying that the player is forcing Shirou to act out of character if he chooses less Sakura choices in the beginning? Of course not.
No, I'm saying that, without choosing those Sakura choices, Shirou never comes to realise that he is ignoring his true feelings for Sakura, because he spends most of the war trying to push her away, for her own safety.
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And this case you're saying that Sakura is acting differently at the start than in the other routes. There has to be a reason for that. A reason that does not occur in the other routes. And it's no coincidence that the only way to start HF is to spend more time with Sakura...
Yes, that is entirely true. In HF, Shirou spends more time with Sakura early on and Zouken notices him, which means that Zouken is able to activate her and set his plans in motion.
However, none of this has anything to do with Shirou's fundamental feelings, because he never makes an actual decision along the lines of "I like Sakura more, so I'll spend time with her", the events just flow in such a way that he happens to do so. It's not because he likes Sakura "more" in those routes, it's just that the sequence of events is such that he happens to bump into Sakura more and come to understand her a little better.
Location: Pennsylvania. It's sort of like a real state.
Age: 39
Just in time for Christmas.
Spoiler for Chaos Theory, Part Nine:
Chapter Nine: Dreamscapes
Shirou placed a palm on the sleeping Sakura's brow. No good; her fever still hasn't broken. He'd given her some cold medicine and made a little light soup for her to eat, but it looked like whatever bug she'd come down with was being persistent. Well, the best thing to do, then, was let her get some sleep.
As quietly as he could, he left the resting girl and slid the door shut behind him. As he'd been expecting, Saber was waiting in the hall silently. No surprise there. After what I said...
"Saber, I..." He began.
"Perhaps you have a point." Saber said softly.
"Eh?"
"Perhaps to you, what I seek is not worth this conflict." Saber said softly. "I have come into your life unbidden, seeking a prize you place no value on and giving you nothing in return but pain. To you, I can see how this War seems a waste, and I am sorry. But... I simply cannot stop. Not now. I've come too far to... suffice to say, surrender is simply not an option."
Shirou sighed. "Saber... I shouldn't have said that to you in the first place. I promised to help you win this War, and more than that... I know you well enough to know that whatever your wish is, it must be important."
Saber did not look him in the eyes. "I... I wonder sometimes if it is. Perhaps I'm simply being selfish. But... to simply give up without even trying seems far worse to me."
Shirou sighed once again. He laid a hand on Saber's shoulder, prompting a small shocked expression and a slight blush.
"Well, I won't lie. This Holy Grail War... I really don't think it's worth the pain it causes. But stopping it is a worthwhile goal, and the best way I can see to do that is to stop the other Masters from causing damage and make sure a good person wins. I can't think of a better choice than you." he said. Then, with a soft smile, he continued, "And anyway, I gave my word, didn't I? I keep my promises, Saber. As long as you need my help, I'll help you. It's as simple as that.
"Good night, Saber." Shirou said. He walked past her, towards the room he'd slept in the previous night.
For the second time that day, she watched him go in silence. This time, however, she had a slight blush on her face.
---------------
It wasn't enough.
Sakura had provided a steady flow of mana for the first time since Rider's summoning, but it wasn't enough. The wounds she had taken from Berserker were simply too great, the power she'd stored from her time slaving under Shinji too small. The fact was that Sakura as she was now simply could not provide Rider with a mana supply sufficient to fully restore her, at least not safely. Under normal circumstances they could probably last out the war, but Rider's injuries had dramatically increased her energy consumption, and Sakura's diminished mana pool simply could not keep up. At this rate, Sakura would die trying to preserve Rider, and that could not be allowed. Alternate energy sources would have to be considered.
But to be blunt, there were not many options. Blood, souls, were the easiest option. Activating Bloodfort Andromeda when it was still mostly incomplete was a desperation move doomed to failure, but even in her weakened state, Rider could most likely waylay a passerby or two and devour them for power. Just a few, just enough to get by...
No, Sakura would never approve. Rider was willing to brook this disapproval to save the girl's life, but she was not willing to accept the very real possibility that Sakura would break their contract if she felt that maintaining it would make her a threat to innocent people. The girl was impossibly selfless, dangerously so. It was vexing, but also one of the many reasons Rider so fervently wished to protect her. To save her. So devouring souls was not an option... unless she had no other choice.
And at the moment, she did have one other choice. Invisibly, intangibly, she observed Shirou Emiya's discussion with his Servant. He'd be going to sleep now, and Rider had a certain way with dreams. Yes, she had one other choice...
Sakura would not approve, not at all. She loved the boy, and would not appreciate Rider violating him in such a manner, not even if it were a dream. But she would accept it, because she would understand that Rider was simply out of options. The only other choices all lead to death.
And besides. The boy would simply have a very good dream. What harm was there in that?
When Shirou closed the door to his room and fell into the futon, Rider followed. She waited, briefly, until she was certain that sleep had claimed him, and invisibly knelt by his bedside...
---------------
Nothing seemed real.
He had entered his room, crawled into bed, and fallen asleep. He was quite sure he had fallen asleep.
So why was he so aware? He could feel every hair on his body standing on end. He could count the dust particles in the air, he could smell food that was sitting the refrigerator waiting to be tomorrow's breakfast. Every single sense was hyper-activated. The blood pumping at double-speed through his veins felt like magma. Everything felt so impossibly vibrant that none of it could possibly be real. It was too real to be reality.
"Shirou..." whispered that soft, elegant voice.
He wasn't sure when Saber had entered his room, or when she had knelt by the side of his futon, but he certainly felt it when she began kissing him. Her lips were cool, soothing at first. Gentle touches, the mere brush of her lips against his own, tracing his jawline, running down his neck. "Shirou..." she whispered.
Shirou could say nothing in return. It was as if the lava that replaced his blood took with it his ability to think, to reason. All he could do was freeze, his muscles locking in place as Saber's hands ran down his body. She did not bother with gentleness; his clothing was an obstacle, she ripped it aside. The cool night air felt painfully inadequate, considering the heat beneath his exposed skin. And Saber only made it worse, then, when she pressed her mouth to his bare chest.
If her lips were cool, her tongue was impossibly warm. Whatever heat, whatever hunger filled his own body, it manifested far more powerfully in Saber. She was burning, molten, and insatiable inferno. If he stayed here, if he did not resist, he would be devoured.
"Yes." She said, as if in agreement. She traced her tongue back up his body, following the trail she had kissed down it, overwriting the line of soothing cool with an unbearable heat. "Yes, fighting is pointless, just accept it..."
Her tongue slid into his mouth, and it was at that moment that any semblance of control or resistance vanished. His hands wrapped around her slender body, feeling the tight muscles and slight curves beneath the restricting clothing. This annoyed him, so he worked his way beneath the sweater, feeling the warm flesh shiver beneath his fingertips. Saber's own hands had been pressing their mouths together, but this was clearly no longer needed, so she took the opportunity to reach back and undo the fastenings of her skirt.
The kiss was broken, briefly, when she stood to dispense finally with that annoying sweater. There was nothing between them but air, now. She pushed him back onto the futon, and straddled him.
And then there was nothing between them at all.
Shirou tried to express something. Some feeling. He tried to say her name, or to beg for more, or even to simply moan, but found that no sound emerged. He was trapped, his will utterly destroyed. He was nothing at this moment but an instrument for her pleasure, that was all. She moved atop him easily, a queen reigning over her conquest. Commanding. Hungry. "Shirou..." She said. Speaking his name one last time. "Move, but not too much."
He couldn't even nod. Could do nothing but move his hips in time with her as she commanded, as the pleasure grew in time with a heat so intense he thought it would turn him to ash on the spot.
"Yes..." Saber gasped, opening her eyes in his clear view for the first time. They were inhuman... red, square-pupiled, and filled with the cold, animal hunger of a snake that has sunk its fangs into a mouse. She looked down at him not with the eyes of a woman staring at her lover, but those of a predator that has sighted prey.
As she moved her hips more fervently, he found he couldn't care in the slightest.
"Don't move too hard... just lie back.
"Just lie back and be devoured."
---------------
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Shirou said, sitting bolt upright in his futon.
Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Dream! Dream! Dream! He thought frantically.
Yes, for starters, it had to be a dream! There was no way that could possibly be anything but a dream! Look at me, for one thing. I'm still dressed! He thought slightly less frantically. If I were... doing... things... with Saber, I wouldn't be. So it had to have been a dream! And even more so, Saber would be here! In my bed! And she's not! He thought. In triumph, he pulled aside the covers next to himself.
A small blond head made his blood turn to ice in his veins.
"Hello." Saber said mildly.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Shirou said for the second time in as many minutes.
"Are you always this loud when you sleep? It will make these arrangements difficult." Saber said.
"Why are you in my bed?" Shirou shrieked.
"For your own protection." Saber said as though this were painfully obvious. "Whatever arguments we may have had or agreements we reached today, the simple fact is that my first duty is to protect you. This is the best way to accomplish that. I told you that I would not be giving in on this matter, and since you yourself stated that you wished to preserve our partnership and claim victory in this war, I believed it would not be a problem."
"How did you get in?!"
"Through the door. It is not very secure, by the way. We might try doing something about that."
"Out! Out!" He snapped. Logic was not really his first priority at the moment, particularly since Saber was so close he could feel her body heat and smell her hair and it was starting to make him painfully aware that parts of his body still under the covers were even more alert than the rest of him and...
"No." Saber said calmly. "And it might be in your best interests to stop shouting. The walls are quite thin and Sakura is trying to sleep."
Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Shirou thought. Sakura! If Sakura found him like this, sweaty and... and 'alert', with Saber in his bed? That was the end. That was all she wrote. There was no more. The life of Shirou Emiya ceased in that moment. She would never forgive him, Fuji-nee would bite his face off, he'd be a pariah at school, he'd... well, it just couldn't happen. "Yes! Yes, this is non-negotiable. You can sleep in the room next door!"
"I told you that is not good en-"
"It will have to be, because you can't! Sleep! Here!" Shirou said, rising to his feet and pulling Saber into the next room.
Or at least, that was the idea.
What actually happened is that he rose to his feet, was struck by a wave of intense nausea and weakness, and fell to his knees before he could take a single step.
"Shirou?" Saber said, concern replacing annoyance in her voice. "Are you feeling well?"
"I... I don't..." Shirou said. And he began to realize to his dismay, that he wasn't. The heat in his body that he had attributed to his dream (And it was a dream! Indisputable!) and embarrassment at finding Saber in his room was not fading; in fact, it felt worse. His throat hurt, his muscles felt heavy, he could barely move...
Saber pressed her hand to his forehead. "You have a fever." She said.
Okay, he could move a little. He discovered this as Saber's cool flesh pressed to his skin brought back memories of discarded skirts and soft lips, and he instinctively leaped backwards to get away from said memories.
He then, through a combination of muscle weakness and tangling his legs in his own bedding, tripped backwards, rolled, and slammed into his dresser headfirst.
The silence was deafening.
"I... will go get you a glass of water." Saber said. Her tone suggested she was trying her hardest to pretend the last ten minutes or so had never happened.
"That would be nice." Shirou agreed with all the dignity he could muster. It wasn't much.
---------------
Rider hovered over Sakura's bedside, fairly pleased with the results of her actions this night.
She had taken as much mana as she safely could from the Emiya boy, and it had been sufficient. No physical contact had been needed, merely entry into his dreams to connect their souls and draw the power directly from his Magic Circuits. She had been worried that Saber would sense the act, but the Servant had seemed blissfully unaware, even after she'd entered the room herself. In the end, things had been a complete success. Rider now had sufficient energy to heal herself without draining Sakura dry. Nobody had taken any permanent harm; even Shirou would suffer only a day or so of weakness, and it wasn't as though Rider had not, er... compensated him for the inconvenience.
It had been a very good dream.
Still, Rider felt worried for just that reason. She hoped Sakura wouldn't be too upset when she found out; she clearly cared for the boy, and would not be amused with what Rider had done here.
Rider risked just a moment of physical solidity to brush a lock of hair out of the sleeping girl's face. Well, if having Sakura upset with her was the cost of keeping the girl alive, then she could live with that.
---------------
Shirou sat with the thermometer in his mouth and tried not to grumble. Complaint just encouraged her.
Taiga's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Well... you do have a fever." She admitted. Her tone suggested that she suspected Shirou of somehow willing his own body temperature to rise so he could get out of another day of school. True, she had been planning to make him take another day off so he could take care of Sakura, but that was different. That was work. Now it was morning, Sakura was feeling up and cheerful, and Shirou was the one bedridden.
Taiga didn't like that. Making Shirou stay home to tend the sick was one thing, but at this rate it looked more like she was going to be 'ordering' him to stay home in bed while Saber took care of him... and to be honest, anyone with eyes could tell that Sakura wouldn't be coming in to school today either. She hadn't come right out and said it, but Taiga wasn't stupid (mostly).
This was bad... she'd wanted Shirou to stay home and do hard labor all day, not be waited on hand-and-foot by cute girls. He hadn't really earned it. It might give him a big head. Still, she couldn't exactly deny the evidence of her eyes. He had a fever, there was no helping it.
"Well, this is a surprise. I've never known you to catch a cold, but I guess there's no denying it." Taiga said reluctantly. "Well, you have to stay home again. Saber-chan, you make sure he stays in bed as much as possible, okay? Don't let him exert himself."
"I am to keep Shirou restricted to this bedroom and restrain him if he attempts to leave." Saber said. "Understood."
"Er... that's a bit of a strange way to put it, but basically, yes." Taiga said. This girl was scary. "Shirou, Sakura made you some rice porridge if you feel you can eat. I'll stop and buy something for dinner on my way here after work, so don't worry about cooking. And, er..." She leaned close and dropped her voice to a whisper. "... I think Saber-chan really will beat you up and tie you to the bed if she catches you straining yourself, so take it easy? She's a weirdo."
Shirou chuckled just a little bit nervously "Y-yeah, I think you might have a point. I'll just relax today."
"U-um... I'll go get you your breakfast, if you want?" Sakura asked. "And maybe some water if you're still feeling hot?"
Shirou smiled at her. "That sounds nice, Sakura. Thanks."
"N-no! That's fine, I mean... I-I must have given you my cold, so I feel responsible, that's all..." The girl said, blushing furiously.
That made Taiga's ears perk up. "Oh-ho... so you two were doing something that gave Sakura's cold to Shirou...?" She purred.
"Unlikely." Saber said. "I observed Shirou closely throughout the night."
All eyes turned to her. The room was so silent that tombs would have been envious.
"What? Did I say something inappropriate?" Saber asked.
"N-no! Nothing happened!" Shirou said, blushing furiously. "Nothing happened with anyone and I slept the whole night and did nothing to anybody at all!"
Taiga blinked. "Shirou... maybe the cold has gone to your brain?"
---------------
Shirou felt, really, that he could have simply stayed there, warm and comfortable, all day.
Sakura was in rare form; in and out of his room like a tornado, catering to every need. Things had briefly gone a bit... awkward... when she had gotten too close to him and dreams had started coming back unbidden, but she seemed to get over it quickly and back to her usual cheery self, taking care of the house all by her lonesome. Even Saber felt comfortable enough to actually go get some sleep and leave Sakura in charge, which Shirou honestly preferred; she needed to conserve her energy, and, er... after that particular dream, he really didn't... she should be out of the room as much as possible. He had the feeling his fever would not break so long as she was nearby.
He was feeling a lot better; his body was still a bit heavy and he still had a mild fever, but it probably wasn't bad enough to keep him in bed. It was just that, well, having Sakura take care of him was, he had to admit, pretty nice in a lot of ways. Taking a day off from time-to-time wasn't bad, right?
But... well, something was nagging at him still. He really couldn't just stay here all day, could he? He had an appointment.
Granted, it had been made on the assumption he'd be healthy, but... well... sick or no, he'd promised. He'd told Ilya that he would meet her in the park today around lunchtime, and it was after eleven. If he wanted to make it by noon, he should leave now. But if he disappeared from his room...
Nurse Sakura would be angry.
Fuji-nee would throw a tantrum.
Saber would kill him. That wasn't even a joke, she might very well literally murder him right then and there.
There were, in short, a million reasons not to go, many of them very good. There was only one reason, a pretty lousy one even, to head to the park right this moment.
You told her you would be there, and she believed you. Do you want to lie to her? His conscience said. Stubborn, annoying thing it was, making him do stupid things.
He really should just stay home.
If I'm only gone for an hour or so, it won't be a problem, right? I'll just go to the park for an hour.
---------------
Sakura walked confidently through the halls, a fresh futon and a change of pajamas in her hands. Senpai had been sweating a lot, so getting him some fresh linens would be a good idea. And he'd eaten the porridge she'd made for breakfast, so something more substantial for lunch might be good. And...
She stepped into his bedroom to find it empty.
"S-senpai...?" She asked softly, setting down the pile of cloth in her hands. She peeked her head into the hallway, wondering if she might possibly have passed him without noticing, or...
The kitchen. Of course, it was almost lunch-time, and wouldn't it be just like him to go and make food when he knew she was supposed to be taking care of him! She'd have to be stern with him, as much as she didn't want to. He couldn't be making lunch when he wasn't feeling well!
This thought process provided her with very little comfort, really. She knew that, in all honesty, she was lying to herself. That was a rare thing, lying to make herself feel better. She almost never did it. Almost never, really...
Almost...
The kitchen was as empty as she'd known it would be, deep down. Searching the house from top to bottom in increasing panic brought no better results; Saber was still resting in her room, and other than her, the house was terribly empty.
Why? Why would he leave now, of all times? He was... he'd asked her to stay here. He clearly wanted her to stay here, so why had he left when she was supposed to be taking care of him? Didn't he want to be with her? He'd acted so much like he did, but...
But of course he doesn't. He was worried I would get hurt, that's all. She thought blankly. He doesn't care about me any more than that. He was just trying to protect me like he would any other girl he thought was in trouble. He has no feelings for me other than that, and I was... I was an idiot to think he did.
How could I have been so stupid as to think he would love me? Why would he? I... I... I'm filthy. I'm nothing. Anyone could look at me and tell in an instant that Senpai would never be interested in me.
After all, I clearly deserve far, far better than him. How could anyone think he would want to be with me? That would be like an insect falling in love with a goddess. He knows his station better than to do something like that.
Sakura fell to her knees in shock and not a small amount of shame the moment the thought crossed her mind unbidden. It was... it hadn't been...
She hadn't thought that. She wouldn't! Such a thing would never cross her mind, not even for a heartbeat! And with it had come a sensation of such terrible pride, and a cold fury that made her sick to her stomach. It didn't... it was in her head, it was her thoughts, but it didn't feel like her. She didn't feel like herself while she was thinking that. It was just so wrong, it wasn't her at all, it was filthy and horrible and nothing she would ever consider but...
Don't I have every right to feel that way? Don't I deserve a bit of entitlement after all these years? I'm special. I deserve to be treated as such. I deserve better than a man who abandons me like this after all I've sacrificed for him.
Her worry for Shirou momentarily sidelined by mortification and fear at the horribly twisted impulses running uncontrollably through her thoughts, Sakura rose shakily to her feet. This was... she must just be tired. She was tired, and still a little sick, and desperately worried about Senpai, and all of those together were making control harder. Things were bubbling up that shouldn't have been, that was all. She just... she just needed to get some sleep, and get her mind back in order. It wasn't a problem, she didn't really believe any of those things. it was nothing but mindless lashing out, nothing more, nothing serious...
She just needed to rest, that was all.
---------------
Somewhere very dark and very cold, a pair of lovely feminine lips curved into a small smile at Sakura's obvious discomfort.
"Sleep well, child. Sleep well."
A mere touch of mind to mind, a thought springing unbidden from the darkest, most tightly locked portions of the subconscious, that was all she could manage in the waking hours. But when the girl slept, when her defenses were down...
Dreams were funny things, weren't they?
---------------
Something began to dawn upon Shirou as the fire in his head grew constantly worse and his limbs felt like lead weights.
Perhaps, just perhaps, he'd been feeling so much better because he hadn't actually done anything all day. Possibly all that relaxation and pampering had been making him feel better than he actually was.
And perhaps taking a long walk in the freezing cold was having a negative effect on his restored health.
Just maybe.
He could barely see straight. Each step made the fire in his blood seem a little bit hotter; already he could barely even feel the chill in the air. Each movement made his muscles feel heavier, more lifeless.
This is stupid. If I turn around now, I'll make it back home just fine. Maybe Sakura and Saber won't hurt me too bad if I just say I wanted to get some fresh air. He thought. I should just turn around.
"You... you're leaving me all alone?" Said the little white-haired girl in his memory.
...Dammit. Shirou thought, each new step making his blood burn further.
---------------
Sakura was cold.
This was nothing new; 'cold' was typically the least of her worries. But she wasn't at home, now. She was at the Emiya house, the one place she honestly felt safe. Protected.
Warm.
Or at least, she had fallen asleep in the Emiya house, her mind reeling and confused by senpai's absence. So how, then, had she woken in her own home? The basement, the breeding chambers? That cold, rotten Hell that made up the majority of her life?
And why was she looking at herself?
She looked down at the swarming worms, and rather than leaping at her, they gathered around a body in the central chamber that she recognized instantly as herself. 'She' lay in the horde as she always did, motionless and silent as they crawled over and into her. This was normal; to be violated by those things was no longer anything worth screaming about, to her.
But actually seeing it happen from the outside? She had to wonder why she didn't scream.
Why do you accept this?
The voice came from everywhere and nowhere, filling the dream... and it had to be a dream, Sakura was lucid enough to recognize this... with the echoing words. The 'Sakura' in the worm chamber did not hear them, or at least she did not react. The worms themselves continued to thrash mindlessly.
"Who...?" Sakura murmured.
Why do you accept this treatment? There is no need.
Sakura, despite herself, was curious. She could sense something odd at work here; something strangely familiar, yet alien. She realized she should probably be more worried about strange voices in it, but then, dreams often made little sense. And really, she knew as well as anyone that her mind was not... not standard. "I accept it because I have no choice. This is just how it's always been. There's..."
...No way out? That's a defeatist attitude, don't you think?
Sakura laughed bitterly. "And I have some reason to have more confidence? This..." She gestured around the chamber. "... is my life. It always has been, for almost as long as I can remember."
And you simply accept this.
"Do I have a choice?"
Always. But then, it's understandable that you don't see it. What else is there to expect from you? Just look at you.
Trapped.
Violated.
Broken.
Each word jabbed into Sakura's mind like a dagger made of ice, but that hardly mattered. She was hardly unused to pain and degradation, after all. "I know all of that... I've known since I was a child. I'm just... I'm just a thing, and..."
And why do you accept that? Why do you not resist?
"Because I couldn't succeed! Because grandfather is the one who did this to me, and he's a monster! Because I... because even if my life isn't worth living, I don't want to die! I... I just..."
And if there were a way to change that, would you accept it?
"... what?"
You call him a monster, but that's because you don't fully understand the situation. Either the true nature of your captor... or your own true nature.
"I don't..."
This... pitiful display is merely what exists. You know this already. I'm here to show you what COULD be.
The world changed, then. The chill and rot of the worm chamber melted away, her vision blurred, there was the sensation of rapid movement although she did not take a single step. The dreamscape warped and shifted until she found herself standing outside, in Fuyuki. Atop her own high school, even.
After a fashion.
Beautiful, isn't it?
Fuyuki City, her home, was in flames. Blood ran through the streets, and not so much as a bird in the sky or an insect in the grass could be seen alive. Dead, yes. The corpses lined the streets, many of them lazily floating in the blood the formed a grisly river through the necropolis. But nothing living.
"This... this is..." Sakura said, her eyes wide. "What happened?"
You, of course. You killed every single one. Impressive, but I knew you could manage.
"W... wh..." She gasped, unable to get the words out. "I... I... I..."
You took what you DESERVE. These people? The ones who lived their happy lives while you suffered? It is within your power to make them pay for it, now. Don't you want that?
Sakura did not reply. Her silence was merely because, at the moment, the horror was too much for words, but the voice seemed to take it as encouragement.
You call your grandfather a monster? The monster is what he has forged of you, and you can USE that. You are a thing of murder, Sakura, a being wholly specialized for the destruction of life. You accept your torment because you think you cannot best him? Sakura, you can DESTROY him. Don't you want to?
"No! No, none of this is..."
The power is within you. All you have to do is take it, and the revenge you've been denied your whole life can be yours. The power to rise above the world of flesh, and destroy them all. As they DESERVE.
Those who have hurt you. Those who have repressed you. Those who have taken the life you should have had. Those who have turned their backs on you when you needed them the most.
And then it really became a nightmare.
With each new sentence, a statue rose in a circle around her. Four total, appearing fluidly, as if simply flowing upwards from the concrete of the school itself. Zouken. Shinji. Rin.
Shirou.
And the voice continued. You still fear. That is unneeded, Sakura. You have lived your whole life in oppression, so you fear freedom. But claim your birthright, and all that can change. All the fear, all the doubt, all the pain, revenge will simply wash away.
Look at them. These... ANIMALS that are less than you are. You fear them for the power they have over you, but when the world of flesh is beneath you, that fear will just vanish, I promise. After all, what need is there for you to fear anything at all? Within you is the power to destroy all who oppose you as easily as: One.
From somewhere just outside of Sakura's field of vision, a razor tendril of inky blackness snapped out. The statue of Zouken crumbled.
Two.
Again. Shinji's likeness fell, cut into a dozen pieces.
Three.
Rin joined the two Makiri, a pile of dust on the floor.
Sakura, horror freezing her blood, turned toward the last image, though after what she'd seen so far, she wanted to look away. More than anything, she wanted to look away.
Fo-
"NO!" Sakura screamed, shooting upright.
She looked around herself to confirm she was indeed in her room in the Emiya manor, where she had fallen asleep. Her skin was soaked in sweat, her heart beating madly.
She was... the school? She'd been at school, and... something about statues? Senpai had been in danger somehow, but from what? From...
Why couldn't she think straight? She should be able to remember this.
I just need to calm down. To think. I... I just need to consider what I saw, and figure out what it meant. I... it's possiblethat it was just a dream. Not worth worrying myself over.
Yes, that was right. It was nothing but a dream, after all; the thought came to her clearly, calmly, reassuringly. There was no need to worry about it, to obsess over a simple nightmare she couldn't even recall clearly.
Wait.
That's not... I don't think this one was normal. But it was I can't even recall why it was so strange, but I know that... there was SOMETHING about it... something about nee-san and Senpai? Or...
Ah, of course.
It's just the consequences of trying to sleep when I was so upset over Senpai leaving. Of course I'd dream about him, I'm worried! Silly.
Sakura smiled slightly and shook her head in embarrassment. Really, she should have known better than to get so worked up over a silly, meaningless little dream.
---------------
Ilya sat on the bench, in a very foul mood.
He had promised. He'd said he would meet her here. At this time.
And he wasn't here. He had lied. Shirou had deceived her.
She should have seen this coming, really. How could she have been so stupid? She'd known who he was, she'd known who had raised him. Grandpapa had told her time and time again what to expect from anyone bearing the name of Emiya, and she had allowed herself to be fooled regardless. She had allowed his... his smiles and his false kindness to pierce her armor, and been hurt in response, as it always was when Einzbern and Emiya interacted. Most likely he had known who she truly was from their first meeting, allowed her to make a fool of herself so he could take her heart in his hands and shatter it mercilessly.
Well, this would not happen again, that was clear. She would never again allow Shirou to harm her. It was past time that she did what she came here to do.
"Hi, Ilya."
"Oh, hello, Shirou." She said offhandedly. Yes, when night fell, she and Berserker would go on the hunt. Her vengeance, not her family's but her's, would be in that moment. Hercules would carve a vicious, bloody revenge out of Shirou's treacherous...
Wait a second.
Ilya's head snapped around to see the boy standing there; pale, sweating, but definitely present. He came! She squealed internally, the lion's share of her rage forgotten in a heartbeat. He's here! He came he showed up he wants to be with... with...
...
He's late.
In truth, she wasn't angry; in a way, it was cute. He was silly and unreliable and the fact that he'd come in the end meant he really tried his best even though he was a dummy. But still, punctuality was important. It was rude to make a lady wait! Yes, she'd have to be a little bit harsh with him, just so he understood he couldn't do things like that to her. She could be late, but he couldn't. It was a rule.
Fighting back the smile that threatened to overwhelm her, she narrowed her eyes and frowned. "You're late, Shirou. You said you'd be here at the same time we met yesterday. I've been here for almost an hour. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Shirou smiled unsteadily. "Sorry. I... well, it took me longer to walk here than I thought."
"Um... Shirou?" Ilya asked softly, her feigned anger already beginning to dissolve at the sight of how generally wobbly he appeared. "Are you okay?"
"S-sure. Though I think maybe it might be... might be..." He trailed off, seemingly uncertain of what he'd even been planning to say. His face was flushed as red as his hair, but his hands and neck were visibly pale and clammy. More, his legs were shaking... he was trembling?
Ilya's face now showed nothing but concern. "Shirou, I'm really worried about you. Are you sure you're all riEEK!" She squealed, as Shirou began to fall forward without warning. Instinctively, she leaped forward to catch him.
This was a mistake.
With a squawk of protest that was highly unbecoming of nobility, Ilya was pushed backwards as the much larger, heavier boy fell forward on top of her. "GAH! S-Shirou! This is... um... this isn't good! You shouldn't... I mean, this is too much, so...!"
"I-Ily..." Shirou muttered, blinking a few times in confusion. Then his eyes widened in something that was somewhere between surprise and sheer horror. "OH! I'm sorry! I'm really... I just kind of blacked ou- lost my balance for a minute, and I didn't mean to..."
What followed was one of those rare, precious silences that is almost never heard in real life. As if the world had gone completely, utterly still. A single, perfect, crystalline moment when Shirou and Ilya were not even breathing. Not even blinking. One could have made a convincing argument that their hearts were not even beating.
Considering that, in bringing his hands beneath himself to try to push himself up and to his feet, Shirou had managed to place one of his palms far-too-firmly on Ilya's chest, he probably would have noticed if her heart was beating.
Tears of humiliation filling her eyes, Ilya looked up at Shirou. He had not yet moved his hand. Perhaps he thought that she would forget it was there if he didn't move it.
She wouldn't, of course. Oh, how she wouldn't. But Shirou was a young man, and it is important for a young man to be optimistic and dream big.
"Shirouuuuuu..." Ilya growled.
"I'm sorry?" Shirou said. Or asked. It wasn't clear from his tone, and honestly he might not have known himself. If he'd been thinking clearly, after all, he probably would have had the sense to take his hand off of Ilya's chest.
A loud, sharp sound briefly rang through the park.
Shortly after, Shirou and Ilya sat silently next to each other on a bench. Anyone looking on would notice that Shirou had a very strange marking on his left cheek. Almost like a hand-print, but more vaguely shaped; as if someone wearing a mitten had slapped him across the face.
With surprising force, considering how small she was.
It had really stung.
"... Sorry about that." Shirou said again.
"Dummy." Ilya muttered.
"It was an accident." He said miserably.
"W-well... I guess I can forgive you this once. But that's moving too fast. It's only our second date!" Ilya said, blushing furiously.
"Yeah, I... wait, what?"
"Nothing." Ilya said. Then slowly, almost reluctantly, the irritation began to leak out of her tone to be replaced once more with concern. "Um... Shirou... are you all right? You seem sick."
"Nah. It's nothing, really, just..." Shirou trailed off briefly, shaking his head as if to clear it. "... just a cold. Or something like that; I'm fine."
"No you're not." Ilya said softly. A cold? Mana deprivation. She could sense the flow of energy through his magic circuits and it was vastly diminished from the already low capacity she'd felt yesterday. It was no wonder he was falling over, his whole life-force seemed pale and pathetic.
Someone had done this to him deliberately, fed on his mana. Whoever had hurt her Shirou had better hope she never found them. She would have to keep a closer eye on him, that was clear. Saber was simply not up to the task of keeping him safe.
"Excuse me?" Shirou asked.
"You're not fine at all." She said flatly. "You should be resting... I would have understood if you told me you couldn't come because you were sick." (This was, it should be noted, probably not true. But Ilya was a fickle girl, and not often given to common sense).
Shirou smiled at her brilliantly, if a bit shakily. "I know. But I promised you I would be here, didn't I? I couldn't break my word to a lady."
Ilya had to look away from his eyes again, though this time to hide a blush so intense it looked like her face would catch fire. "I... um... I... um... uh... you... ... ... thanks."
Shirou smiled slightly at how shy she'd suddenly become. Her emotional state really was halfway-impossible to predict. And, well... maybe it was just the fact that his mind was still kind of fuzzy, but she seemed impossibly cute right this moment; even more fragile and fairy-like than she'd been in the moonlight the night they'd met.
Whoa, careful there. People will start thinking we're on a date again. He chided himself.
We kind of are, aren't we?
... ... oh well. He thought. He probably would have been more worried about it if he hadn't been struggling to keep his eyes open. It seemed that with the adrenaline from his little... accident... wearing off, he was starting to revert back to the natural state of things, which was 'asleep'. "Sorry..." He said softly, his eyes drifting closed. "I said I'd meet you, but it... it looks like we won't get much talking... ..."
Ilya let out a small squeak as something warm and soft leaned onto her when she wasn't looking, but this was not so much a 'fall' as a gentle slump. She was able to direct Shirou's descent somewhat, so that rather than crushing her again, he simply fell gently onto her, his head ending up...
Er.
Well.
In her lap.
This was less embarrassing than being crushed, but not by as much as you'd think.
"U-um... Shirou? Shirou, this is... you shouldn't be..." She said weakly. If her blushing face had looked like it was going to catch fire before, it now looked like it would ignite the entire park. Her skin was as red as her eyes.
Shirou made a soft sound in his throat, snuggling instinctively against something warm and soft. Ilya looked down at his sleeping face, her voice catching in her throat.
Slowly, gently, her expression of embarrassment melted into a gentle smile. She pressed one hand to his cheek.
"Shirou." She said, softly running her hand down his face and neck, drinking in the details of his sleeping form, smiling as his expression grew less troubled with the simple physical contact.
Sella and Leysritt would be worried. She had truly planned to spend only an hour or so here, and knew she had already done this. She really shouldn't have stayed any longer.
But there was no force on Earth that could have made her wake him up at that moment.
Spoiler for Author's Note:
A total breather chapter, admittedly, but nothing wrong with that, especially after what happened last time. And we're starting to see a little of Caster's effect on Sakura, which I know people were curious about.
As always, let me know if you spot any particular problems!
A total breather chapter, admittedly, but nothing wrong with that, especially after what happened last time. And we're starting to see a little of Caster's effect on Sakura, which I know people were curious about.
As always, let me know if you spot any particular problems!
Ah, I forgot about Caster....
I was wondering where the stuff that Sakura was hearing came from....
Shirou placed a palm on the sleeping Sakura's brow. No good; her fever still hasn't broken. He'd given her some cold medicine and made a little light soup for her to eat, but it looked like whatever bug she'd come down with was being persistent. Well, the best thing to do, then, was let her get some sleep.
As quietly as he could, he left the resting girl and slid the door shut behind him. As he'd been expecting, Saber was waiting in the hall silently. No surprise there. After what I said...
"Saber, I..." He began.
"Perhaps you have a point." Saber said softly.
"Eh?"
"Perhaps to you, what I seek is not worth this conflict." Saber said softly. "I have come into your life unbidden, seeking a prize you place no value on and giving you nothing in return but pain. To you, I can see how this War seems a waste, and I am sorry. But... I simply cannot stop. Not now. I've come too far to... suffice to say, surrender is simply not an option."
Shirou sighed. "Saber... I shouldn't have said that to you in the first place. I promised to help you win this War, and more than that... I know you well enough to know that whatever your wish is, it must be important."
Saber did not look him in the eyes. "I... I wonder sometimes if it is. Perhaps I'm simply being selfish. But... to simply give up without even trying seems far worse to me."
Shirou sighed once again. He laid a hand on Saber's shoulder, prompting a small shocked expression and a slight blush.
"Well, I won't lie. This Holy Grail War... I really don't think it's worth the pain it causes. But stopping it is a worthwhile goal, and the best way I can see to do that is to stop the other Masters from causing damage and make sure a good person wins. I can't think of a better choice than you." he said. Then, with a soft smile, he continued, "And anyway, I gave my word, didn't I? I keep my promises, Saber. As long as you need my help, I'll help you. It's as simple as that.
"Good night, Saber." Shirou said. He walked past her, towards the room he'd slept in the previous night.
For the second time that day, she watched him go in silence. This time, however, she had a slight blush on her face.
---------------
It wasn't enough.
Sakura had provided a steady flow of mana for the first time since Rider's summoning, but it wasn't enough. The wounds she had taken from Berserker were simply too great, the power she'd stored from her time slaving under Shinji too small. The fact was that Sakura as she was now simply could not provide Rider with a mana supply sufficient to fully restore her, at least not safely. Under normal circumstances they could probably last out the war, but Rider's injuries had dramatically increased her energy consumption, and Sakura's diminished mana pool simply could not keep up. At this rate, Sakura would die trying to preserve Rider, and that could not be allowed. Alternate energy sources would have to be considered.
But to be blunt, there were not many options. Blood, souls, were the easiest option. Activating Bloodfort Andromeda when it was still mostly incomplete was a desperation move doomed to failure, but even in her weakened state, Rider could most likely waylay a passerby or two and devour them for power. Just a few, just enough to get by...
No, Sakura would never approve. Rider was willing to brook this disapproval to save the girl's life, but she was not willing to accept the very real possibility that Sakura would break their contract if she felt that maintaining it would make her a threat to innocent people. The girl was impossibly selfless, dangerously so. It was vexing, but also one of the many reasons Rider so fervently wished to protect her. To save her. So devouring souls was not an option... unless she had no other choice.
And at the moment, she did have one other choice. Invisibly, intangibly, she observed Shirou Emiya's discussion with his Servant. He'd be going to sleep now, and Rider had a certain way with dreams. Yes, she had one other choice...
Sakura would not approve, not at all. She loved the boy, and would not appreciate Rider violating him in such a manner, not even if it were a dream. But she would accept it, because she would understand that Rider was simply out of options. The only other choices all lead to death.
And besides. The boy would simply have a very good dream. What harm was there in that?
When Shirou closed the door to his room and fell into the futon, Rider followed. She waited, briefly, until she was certain that sleep had claimed him, and invisibly knelt by his bedside...
---------------
Nothing seemed real.
He had entered his room, crawled into bed, and fallen asleep. He was quite sure he had fallen asleep.
So why was he so aware? He could feel every hair on his body standing on end. He could count the dust particles in the air, he could smell food that was sitting the refrigerator waiting to be tomorrow's breakfast. Every single sense was hyper-activated. The blood pumping at double-speed through his veins felt like magma. Everything felt so impossibly vibrant that none of it could possibly be real. It was too real to be reality.
"Shirou..." whispered that soft, elegant voice.
He wasn't sure when Saber had entered his room, or when she had knelt by the side of his futon, but he certainly felt it when she began kissing him. Her lips were cool, soothing at first. Gentle touches, the mere brush of her lips against his own, tracing his jawline, running down his neck. "Shirou..." she whispered.
Shirou could say nothing in return. It was as if the lava that replaced his blood took with it his ability to think, to reason. All he could do was freeze, his muscles locking in place as Saber's hands ran down his body. She did not bother with gentleness; his clothing was an obstacle, she ripped it aside. The cool night air felt painfully inadequate, considering the heat beneath his exposed skin. And Saber only made it worse, then, when she pressed her mouth to his bare chest.
If her lips were cool, her tongue was impossibly warm. Whatever heat, whatever hunger filled his own body, it manifested far more powerfully in Saber. She was burning, molten, and insatiable inferno. If he stayed here, if he did not resist, he would be devoured.
"Yes." She said, as if in agreement. She traced her tongue back up his body, following the trail she had kissed down it, overwriting the line of soothing cool with an unbearable heat. "Yes, fighting is pointless, just accept it..."
Her tongue slid into his mouth, and it was at that moment that any semblance of control or resistance vanished. His hands wrapped around her slender body, feeling the tight muscles and slight curves beneath the restricting clothing. This annoyed him, so he worked his way beneath the sweater, feeling the warm flesh shiver beneath his fingertips. Saber's own hands had been pressing their mouths together, but this was clearly no longer needed, so she took the opportunity to reach back and undo the fastenings of her skirt.
The kiss was broken, briefly, when she stood to dispense finally with that annoying sweater. There was nothing between them but air, now. She pushed him back onto the futon, and straddled him.
And then there was nothing between them at all.
Shirou tried to express something. Some feeling. He tried to say her name, or to beg for more, or even to simply moan, but found that no sound emerged. He was trapped, his will utterly destroyed. He was nothing at this moment but an instrument for her pleasure, that was all. She moved atop him easily, a queen reigning over her conquest. Commanding. Hungry. "Shirou..." She said. Speaking his name one last time. "Move, but not too much."
He couldn't even nod. Could do nothing but move his hips in time with her as she commanded, as the pleasure grew in time with a heat so intense he thought it would turn him to ash on the spot.
"Yes..." Saber gasped, opening her eyes in his clear view for the first time. They were inhuman... red, square-pupiled, and filled with the cold, animal hunger of a snake that has sunk its fangs into a mouse. She looked down at him not with the eyes of a woman staring at her lover, but those of a predator that has sighted prey.
As she moved her hips more fervently, he found he couldn't care in the slightest.
"Don't move too hard... just lie back.
"Just lie back and be devoured."
---------------
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Shirou said, sitting bolt upright in his futon.
Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Dream! Dream! Dream! He thought frantically.
Yes, for starters, it had to be a dream! There was no way that could possibly be anything but a dream! Look at me, for one thing. I'm still dressed! He thought slightly less frantically. If I were... doing... things... with Saber, I wouldn't be. So it had to have been a dream! And even more so, Saber would be here! In my bed! And she's not! He thought. In triumph, he pulled aside the covers next to himself.
A small blond head made his blood turn to ice in his veins.
"Hello." Saber said mildly.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Shirou said for the second time in as many minutes.
"Are you always this loud when you sleep? It will make these arrangements difficult." Saber said.
"Why are you in my bed?" Shirou shrieked.
"For your own protection." Saber said as though this were painfully obvious. "Whatever arguments we may have had or agreements we reached today, the simple fact is that my first duty is to protect you. This is the best way to accomplish that. I told you that I would not be giving in on this matter, and since you yourself stated that you wished to preserve our partnership and claim victory in this war, I believed it would not be a problem."
"How did you get in?!"
"Through the door. It is not very secure, by the way. We might try doing something about that."
"Out! Out!" He snapped. Logic was not really his first priority at the moment, particularly since Saber was so close he could feel her body heat and smell her hair and it was starting to make him painfully aware that parts of his body still under the covers were even more alert than the rest of him and...
"No." Saber said calmly. "And it might be in your best interests to stop shouting. The walls are quite thin and Sakura is trying to sleep."
Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Shirou thought. Sakura! If Sakura found him like this, sweaty and... and 'alert', with Saber in his bed? That was the end. That was all she wrote. There was no more. The life of Shirou Emiya ceased in that moment. She would never forgive him, Fuji-nee would bite his face off, he'd be a pariah at school, he'd... well, it just couldn't happen. "Yes! Yes, this is non-negotiable. You can sleep in the room next door!"
"I told you that is not good en-"
"It will have to be, because you can't! Sleep! Here!" Shirou said, rising to his feet and pulling Saber into the next room.
Or at least, that was the idea.
What actually happened is that he rose to his feet, was struck by a wave of intense nausea and weakness, and fell to his knees before he could take a single step.
"Shirou?" Saber said, concern replacing annoyance in her voice. "Are you feeling well?"
"I... I don't..." Shirou said. And he began to realize to his dismay, that he wasn't. The heat in his body that he had attributed to his dream (And it was a dream! Indisputable!) and embarrassment at finding Saber in his room was not fading; in fact, it felt worse. His throat hurt, his muscles felt heavy, he could barely move...
Saber pressed her hand to his forehead. "You have a fever." She said.
Okay, he could move a little. He discovered this as Saber's cool flesh pressed to his skin brought back memories of discarded skirts and soft lips, and he instinctively leaped backwards to get away from said memories.
He then, through a combination of muscle weakness and tangling his legs in his own bedding, tripped backwards, rolled, and slammed into his dresser headfirst.
The silence was deafening.
"I... will go get you a glass of water." Saber said. Her tone suggested she was trying her hardest to pretend the last ten minutes or so had never happened.
"That would be nice." Shirou agreed with all the dignity he could muster. It wasn't much.
---------------
Rider hovered over Sakura's bedside, fairly pleased with the results of her actions this night.
She had taken as much mana as she safely could from the Emiya boy, and it had been sufficient. No physical contact had been needed, merely entry into his dreams to connect their souls and draw the power directly from his Magic Circuits. She had been worried that Saber would sense the act, but the Servant had seemed blissfully unaware, even after she'd entered the room herself. In the end, things had been a complete success. Rider now had sufficient energy to heal herself without draining Sakura dry. Nobody had taken any permanent harm; even Shirou would suffer only a day or so of weakness, and it wasn't as though Rider had not, er... compensated him for the inconvenience.
It had been a very good dream.
Still, Rider felt worried for just that reason. She hoped Sakura wouldn't be too upset when she found out; she clearly cared for the boy, and would not be amused with what Rider had done here.
Rider risked just a moment of physical solidity to brush a lock of hair out of the sleeping girl's face. Well, if having Sakura upset with her was the cost of keeping the girl alive, then she could live with that.
---------------
Shirou sat with the thermometer in his mouth and tried not to grumble. Complaint just encouraged her.
Taiga's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Well... you do have a fever." She admitted. Her tone suggested that she suspected Shirou of somehow willing his own body temperature to rise so he could get out of another day of school. True, she had been planning to make him take another day off so he could take care of Sakura, but that was different. That was work. Now it was morning, Sakura was feeling up and cheerful, and Shirou was the one bedridden.
Taiga didn't like that. Making Shirou stay home to tend the sick was one thing, but at this rate it looked more like she was going to be 'ordering' him to stay home in bed while Saber took care of him... and to be honest, anyone with eyes could tell that Sakura wouldn't be coming in to school today either. She hadn't come right out and said it, but Taiga wasn't stupid (mostly).
This was bad... she'd wanted Shirou to stay home and do hard labor all day, not be waited on hand-and-foot by cute girls. He hadn't really earned it. It might give him a big head. Still, she couldn't exactly deny the evidence of her eyes. He had a fever, there was no helping it.
"Well, this is a surprise. I've never known you to catch a cold, but I guess there's no denying it." Taiga said reluctantly. "Well, you have to stay home again. Saber-chan, you make sure he stays in bed as much as possible, okay? Don't let him exert himself."
"I am to keep Shirou restricted to this bedroom and restrain him if he attempts to leave." Saber said. "Understood."
"Er... that's a bit of a strange way to put it, but basically, yes." Taiga said. This girl was scary. "Shirou, Sakura made you some rice porridge if you feel you can eat. I'll stop and buy something for dinner on my way here after work, so don't worry about cooking. And, er..." She leaned close and dropped her voice to a whisper. "... I think Saber-chan really will beat you up and tie you to the bed if she catches you straining yourself, so take it easy? She's a weirdo."
Shirou chuckled just a little bit nervously "Y-yeah, I think you might have a point. I'll just relax today."
"U-um... I'll go get you your breakfast, if you want?" Sakura asked. "And maybe some water if you're still feeling hot?"
Shirou smiled at her. "That sounds nice, Sakura. Thanks."
"N-no! That's fine, I mean... I-I must have given you my cold, so I feel responsible, that's all..." The girl said, blushing furiously.
That made Taiga's ears perk up. "Oh-ho... so you two were doing something that gave Sakura's cold to Shirou...?" She purred.
"Unlikely." Saber said. "I observed Shirou closely throughout the night."
All eyes turned to her. The room was so silent that tombs would have been envious.
"What? Did I say something inappropriate?" Saber asked.
"N-no! Nothing happened!" Shirou said, blushing furiously. "Nothing happened with anyone and I slept the whole night and did nothing to anybody at all!"
Taiga blinked. "Shirou... maybe the cold has gone to your brain?"
---------------
Shirou felt, really, that he could have simply stayed there, warm and comfortable, all day.
Sakura was in rare form; in and out of his room like a tornado, catering to every need. Things had briefly gone a bit... awkward... when she had gotten too close to him and dreams had started coming back unbidden, but she seemed to get over it quickly and back to her usual cheery self, taking care of the house all by her lonesome. Even Saber felt comfortable enough to actually go get some sleep and leave Sakura in charge, which Shirou honestly preferred; she needed to conserve her energy, and, er... after that particular dream, he really didn't... she should be out of the room as much as possible. He had the feeling his fever would not break so long as she was nearby.
He was feeling a lot better; his body was still a bit heavy and he still had a mild fever, but it probably wasn't bad enough to keep him in bed. It was just that, well, having Sakura take care of him was, he had to admit, pretty nice in a lot of ways. Taking a day off from time-to-time wasn't bad, right?
But... well, something was nagging at him still. He really couldn't just stay here all day, could he? He had an appointment.
Granted, it had been made on the assumption he'd be healthy, but... well... sick or no, he'd promised. He'd told Ilya that he would meet her in the park today around lunchtime, and it was after eleven. If he wanted to make it by noon, he should leave now. But if he disappeared from his room...
Nurse Sakura would be angry.
Fuji-nee would throw a tantrum.
Saber would kill him. That wasn't even a joke, she might very well literally murder him right then and there.
There were, in short, a million reasons not to go, many of them very good. There was only one reason, a pretty lousy one even, to head to the park right this moment.
You told her you would be there, and she believed you. Do you want to lie to her? His conscience said. Stubborn, annoying thing it was, making him do stupid things.
He really should just stay home.
If I'm only gone for an hour or so, it won't be a problem, right? I'll just go to the park for an hour.
---------------
Sakura walked confidently through the halls, a fresh futon and a change of pajamas in her hands. Senpai had been sweating a lot, so getting him some fresh linens would be a good idea. And he'd eaten the porridge she'd made for breakfast, so something more substantial for lunch might be good. And...
She stepped into his bedroom to find it empty.
"S-senpai...?" She asked softly, setting down the pile of cloth in her hands. She peeked her head into the hallway, wondering if she might possibly have passed him without noticing, or...
The kitchen. Of course, it was almost lunch-time, and wouldn't it be just like him to go and make food when he knew she was supposed to be taking care of him! She'd have to be stern with him, as much as she didn't want to. He couldn't be making lunch when he wasn't feeling well!
This thought process provided her with very little comfort, really. She knew that, in all honesty, she was lying to herself. That was a rare thing, lying to make herself feel better. She almost never did it. Almost never, really...
Almost...
The kitchen was as empty as she'd known it would be, deep down. Searching the house from top to bottom in increasing panic brought no better results; Saber was still resting in her room, and other than her, the house was terribly empty.
Why? Why would he leave now, of all times? He was... he'd asked her to stay here. He clearly wanted her to stay here, so why had he left when she was supposed to be taking care of him? Didn't he want to be with her? He'd acted so much like he did, but...
But of course he doesn't. He was worried I would get hurt, that's all. She thought blankly. He doesn't care about me any more than that. He was just trying to protect me like he would any other girl he thought was in trouble. He has no feelings for me other than that, and I was... I was an idiot to think he did.
How could I have been so stupid as to think he would love me? Why would he? I... I... I'm filthy. I'm nothing. Anyone could look at me and tell in an instant that Senpai would never be interested in me.
After all, I clearly deserve far, far better than him. How could anyone think he would want to be with me? That would be like an insect falling in love with a goddess. He knows his station better than to do something like that.
Sakura fell to her knees in shock and not a small amount of shame the moment the thought crossed her mind unbidden. It was... it hadn't been...
She hadn't thought that. She wouldn't! Such a thing would never cross her mind, not even for a heartbeat! And with it had come a sensation of such terrible pride, and a cold fury that made her sick to her stomach. It didn't... it was in her head, it was her thoughts, but it didn't feel like her. She didn't feel like herself while she was thinking that. It was just so wrong, it wasn't her at all, it was filthy and horrible and nothing she would ever consider but...
Don't I have every right to feel that way? Don't I deserve a bit of entitlement after all these years? I'm special. I deserve to be treated as such. I deserve better than a man who abandons me like this after all I've sacrificed for him.
Her worry for Shirou momentarily sidelined by mortification and fear at the horribly twisted impulses running uncontrollably through her thoughts, Sakura rose shakily to her feet. This was... she must just be tired. She was tired, and still a little sick, and desperately worried about Senpai, and all of those together were making control harder. Things were bubbling up that shouldn't have been, that was all. She just... she just needed to get some sleep, and get her mind back in order. It wasn't a problem, she didn't really believe any of those things. it was nothing but mindless lashing out, nothing more, nothing serious...
She just needed to rest, that was all.
---------------
Somewhere very dark and very cold, a pair of lovely feminine lips curved into a small smile at Sakura's obvious discomfort.
"Sleep well, child. Sleep well."
A mere touch of mind to mind, a thought springing unbidden from the darkest, most tightly locked portions of the subconscious, that was all she could manage in the waking hours. But when the girl slept, when her defenses were down...
Dreams were funny things, weren't they?
---------------
Something began to dawn upon Shirou as the fire in his head grew constantly worse and his limbs felt like lead weights.
Perhaps, just perhaps, he'd been feeling so much better because he hadn't actually done anything all day. Possibly all that relaxation and pampering had been making him feel better than he actually was.
And perhaps taking a long walk in the freezing cold was having a negative effect on his restored health.
Just maybe.
He could barely see straight. Each step made the fire in his blood seem a little bit hotter; already he could barely even feel the chill in the air. Each movement made his muscles feel heavier, more lifeless.
This is stupid. If I turn around now, I'll make it back home just fine. Maybe Sakura and Saber won't hurt me too bad if I just say I wanted to get some fresh air. He thought. I should just turn around.
"You... you're leaving me all alone?" Said the little white-haired girl in his memory.
...Dammit. Shirou thought, each new step making his blood burn further.
---------------
Sakura was cold.
This was nothing new; 'cold' was typically the least of her worries. But she wasn't at home, now. She was at the Emiya house, the one place she honestly felt safe. Protected.
Warm.
Or at least, she had fallen asleep in the Emiya house, her mind reeling and confused by senpai's absence. So how, then, had she woken in her own home? The basement, the breeding chambers? That cold, rotten Hell that made up the majority of her life?
And why was she looking at herself?
She looked down at the swarming worms, and rather than leaping at her, they gathered around a body in the central chamber that she recognized instantly as herself. 'She' lay in the horde as she always did, motionless and silent as they crawled over and into her. This was normal; to be violated by those things was no longer anything worth screaming about, to her.
But actually seeing it happen from the outside? She had to wonder why she didn't scream.
Why do you accept this?
The voice came from everywhere and nowhere, filling the dream... and it had to be a dream, Sakura was lucid enough to recognize this... with the echoing words. The 'Sakura' in the worm chamber did not hear them, or at least she did not react. The worms themselves continued to thrash mindlessly.
"Who...?" Sakura murmured.
Why do you accept this treatment? There is no need.
Sakura, despite herself, was curious. She could sense something odd at work here; something strangely familiar, yet alien. She realized she should probably be more worried about strange voices in it, but then, dreams often made little sense. And really, she knew as well as anyone that her mind was not... not standard. "I accept it because I have no choice. This is just how it's always been. There's..."
...No way out? That's a defeatist attitude, don't you think?
Sakura laughed bitterly. "And I have some reason to have more confidence? This..." She gestured around the chamber. "... is my life. It always has been, for almost as long as I can remember."
And you simply accept this.
"Do I have a choice?"
Always. But then, it's understandable that you don't see it. What else is there to expect from you? Just look at you.
Trapped.
Violated.
Broken.
Each word jabbed into Sakura's mind like a dagger made of ice, but that hardly mattered. She was hardly unused to pain and degradation, after all. "I know all of that... I've known since I was a child. I'm just... I'm just a thing, and..."
And why do you accept that? Why do you not resist?
"Because I couldn't succeed! Because grandfather is the one who did this to me, and he's a monster! Because I... because even if my life isn't worth living, I don't want to die! I... I just..."
And if there were a way to change that, would you accept it?
"... what?"
You call him a monster, but that's because you don't fully understand the situation. Either the true nature of your captor... or your own true nature.
"I don't..."
This... pitiful display is merely what exists. You know this already. I'm here to show you what COULD be.
The world changed, then. The chill and rot of the worm chamber melted away, her vision blurred, there was the sensation of rapid movement although she did not take a single step. The dreamscape warped and shifted until she found herself standing outside, in Fuyuki. Atop her own high school, even.
After a fashion.
Beautiful, isn't it?
Fuyuki City, her home, was in flames. Blood ran through the streets, and not so much as a bird in the sky or an insect in the grass could be seen alive. Dead, yes. The corpses lined the streets, many of them lazily floating in the blood the formed a grisly river through the necropolis. But nothing living.
"This... this is..." Sakura said, her eyes wide. "What happened?"
You, of course. You killed every single one. Impressive, but I knew you could manage.
"W... wh..." She gasped, unable to get the words out. "I... I... I..."
You took what you DESERVE. These people? The ones who lived their happy lives while you suffered? It is within your power to make them pay for it, now. Don't you want that?
Sakura did not reply. Her silence was merely because, at the moment, the horror was too much for words, but the voice seemed to take it as encouragement.
You call your grandfather a monster? The monster is what he has forged of you, and you can USE that. You are a thing of murder, Sakura, a being wholly specialized for the destruction of life. You accept your torment because you think you cannot best him? Sakura, you can DESTROY him. Don't you want to?
"No! No, none of this is..."
The power is within you. All you have to do is take it, and the revenge you've been denied your whole life can be yours. The power to rise above the world of flesh, and destroy them all. As they DESERVE.
Those who have hurt you. Those who have repressed you. Those who have taken the life you should have had. Those who have turned their backs on you when you needed them the most.
And then it really became a nightmare.
With each new sentence, a statue rose in a circle around her. Four total, appearing fluidly, as if simply flowing upwards from the concrete of the school itself. Zouken. Shinji. Rin.
Shirou.
And the voice continued. You still fear. That is unneeded, Sakura. You have lived your whole life in oppression, so you fear freedom. But claim your birthright, and all that can change. All the fear, all the doubt, all the pain, revenge will simply wash away.
Look at them. These... ANIMALS that are less than you are. You fear them for the power they have over you, but when the world of flesh is beneath you, that fear will just vanish, I promise. After all, what need is there for you to fear anything at all? Within you is the power to destroy all who oppose you as easily as: One.
From somewhere just outside of Sakura's field of vision, a razor tendril of inky blackness snapped out. The statue of Zouken crumbled.
Two.
Again. Shinji's likeness fell, cut into a dozen pieces.
Three.
Rin joined the two Makiri, a pile of dust on the floor.
Sakura, horror freezing her blood, turned toward the last image, though after what she'd seen so far, she wanted to look away. More than anything, she wanted to look away.
Fo-
"NO!" Sakura screamed, shooting upright.
She looked around herself to confirm she was indeed in her room in the Emiya manor, where she had fallen asleep. Her skin was soaked in sweat, her heart beating madly.
She was... the school? She'd been at school, and... something about statues? Senpai had been in danger somehow, but from what? From...
Why couldn't she think straight? She should be able to remember this.
I just need to calm down. To think. I... I just need to consider what I saw, and figure out what it meant. I... it's possiblethat it was just a dream. Not worth worrying myself over.
Yes, that was right. It was nothing but a dream, after all; the thought came to her clearly, calmly, reassuringly. There was no need to worry about it, to obsess over a simple nightmare she couldn't even recall clearly.
Wait.
That's not... I don't think this one was normal. But it was I can't even recall why it was so strange, but I know that... there was SOMETHING about it... something about nee-san and Senpai? Or...
Ah, of course.
It's just the consequences of trying to sleep when I was so upset over Senpai leaving. Of course I'd dream about him, I'm worried! Silly.
Sakura smiled slightly and shook her head in embarrassment. Really, she should have known better than to get so worked up over a silly, meaningless little dream.
---------------
Ilya sat on the bench, in a very foul mood.
He had promised. He'd said he would meet her here. At this time.
And he wasn't here. He had lied. Shirou had deceived her.
She should have seen this coming, really. How could she have been so stupid? She'd known who he was, she'd known who had raised him. Grandpapa had told her time and time again what to expect from anyone bearing the name of Emiya, and she had allowed herself to be fooled regardless. She had allowed his... his smiles and his false kindness to pierce her armor, and been hurt in response, as it always was when Einzbern and Emiya interacted. Most likely he had known who she truly was from their first meeting, allowed her to make a fool of herself so he could take her heart in his hands and shatter it mercilessly.
Well, this would not happen again, that was clear. She would never again allow Shirou to harm her. It was past time that she did what she came here to do.
"Hi, Ilya."
"Oh, hello, Shirou." She said offhandedly. Yes, when night fell, she and Berserker would go on the hunt. Her vengeance, not her family's but her's, would be in that moment. Hercules would carve a vicious, bloody revenge out of Shirou's treacherous...
Wait a second.
Ilya's head snapped around to see the boy standing there; pale, sweating, but definitely present. He came! She squealed internally, the lion's share of her rage forgotten in a heartbeat. He's here! He came he showed up he wants to be with... with...
...
He's late.
In truth, she wasn't angry; in a way, it was cute. He was silly and unreliable and the fact that he'd come in the end meant he really tried his best even though he was a dummy. But still, punctuality was important. It was rude to make a lady wait! Yes, she'd have to be a little bit harsh with him, just so he understood he couldn't do things like that to her. She could be late, but he couldn't. It was a rule.
Fighting back the smile that threatened to overwhelm her, she narrowed her eyes and frowned. "You're late, Shirou. You said you'd be here at the same time we met yesterday. I've been here for almost an hour. What do you have to say for yourself?"
Shirou smiled unsteadily. "Sorry. I... well, it took me longer to walk here than I thought."
"Um... Shirou?" Ilya asked softly, her feigned anger already beginning to dissolve at the sight of how generally wobbly he appeared. "Are you okay?"
"S-sure. Though I think maybe it might be... might be..." He trailed off, seemingly uncertain of what he'd even been planning to say. His face was flushed as red as his hair, but his hands and neck were visibly pale and clammy. More, his legs were shaking... he was trembling?
Ilya's face now showed nothing but concern. "Shirou, I'm really worried about you. Are you sure you're all riEEK!" She squealed, as Shirou began to fall forward without warning. Instinctively, she leaped forward to catch him.
This was a mistake.
With a squawk of protest that was highly unbecoming of nobility, Ilya was pushed backwards as the much larger, heavier boy fell forward on top of her. "GAH! S-Shirou! This is... um... this isn't good! You shouldn't... I mean, this is too much, so...!"
"I-Ily..." Shirou muttered, blinking a few times in confusion. Then his eyes widened in something that was somewhere between surprise and sheer horror. "OH! I'm sorry! I'm really... I just kind of blacked ou- lost my balance for a minute, and I didn't mean to..."
What followed was one of those rare, precious silences that is almost never heard in real life. As if the world had gone completely, utterly still. A single, perfect, crystalline moment when Shirou and Ilya were not even breathing. Not even blinking. One could have made a convincing argument that their hearts were not even beating.
Considering that, in bringing his hands beneath himself to try to push himself up and to his feet, Shirou had managed to place one of his palms far-too-firmly on Ilya's chest, he probably would have noticed if her heart was beating.
Tears of humiliation filling her eyes, Ilya looked up at Shirou. He had not yet moved his hand. Perhaps he thought that she would forget it was there if he didn't move it.
She wouldn't, of course. Oh, how she wouldn't. But Shirou was a young man, and it is important for a young man to be optimistic and dream big.
"Shirouuuuuu..." Ilya growled.
"I'm sorry?" Shirou said. Or asked. It wasn't clear from his tone, and honestly he might not have known himself. If he'd been thinking clearly, after all, he probably would have had the sense to take his hand off of Ilya's chest.
A loud, sharp sound briefly rang through the park.
Shortly after, Shirou and Ilya sat silently next to each other on a bench. Anyone looking on would notice that Shirou had a very strange marking on his left cheek. Almost like a hand-print, but more vaguely shaped; as if someone wearing a mitten had slapped him across the face.
With surprising force, considering how small she was.
It had really stung.
"... Sorry about that." Shirou said again.
"Dummy." Ilya muttered.
"It was an accident." He said miserably.
"W-well... I guess I can forgive you this once. But that's moving too fast. It's only our second date!" Ilya said, blushing furiously.
"Yeah, I... wait, what?"
"Nothing." Ilya said. Then slowly, almost reluctantly, the irritation began to leak out of her tone to be replaced once more with concern. "Um... Shirou... are you all right? You seem sick."
"Nah. It's nothing, really, just..." Shirou trailed off briefly, shaking his head as if to clear it. "... just a cold. Or something like that; I'm fine."
"No you're not." Ilya said softly. A cold? Mana deprivation. She could sense the flow of energy through his magic circuits and it was vastly diminished from the already low capacity she'd felt yesterday. It was no wonder he was falling over, his whole life-force seemed pale and pathetic.
Someone had done this to him deliberately, fed on his mana. Whoever had hurt her Shirou had better hope she never found them. She would have to keep a closer eye on him, that was clear. Saber was simply not up to the task of keeping him safe.
"Excuse me?" Shirou asked.
"You're not fine at all." She said flatly. "You should be resting... I would have understood if you told me you couldn't come because you were sick." (This was, it should be noted, probably not true. But Ilya was a fickle girl, and not often given to common sense).
Shirou smiled at her brilliantly, if a bit shakily. "I know. But I promised you I would be here, didn't I? I couldn't break my word to a lady."
Ilya had to look away from his eyes again, though this time to hide a blush so intense it looked like her face would catch fire. "I... um... I... um... uh... you... ... ... thanks."
Shirou smiled slightly at how shy she'd suddenly become. Her emotional state really was halfway-impossible to predict. And, well... maybe it was just the fact that his mind was still kind of fuzzy, but she seemed impossibly cute right this moment; even more fragile and fairy-like than she'd been in the moonlight the night they'd met.
Whoa, careful there. People will start thinking we're on a date again. He chided himself.
We kind of are, aren't we?
... ... oh well. He thought. He probably would have been more worried about it if he hadn't been struggling to keep his eyes open. It seemed that with the adrenaline from his little... accident... wearing off, he was starting to revert back to the natural state of things, which was 'asleep'. "Sorry..." He said softly, his eyes drifting closed. "I said I'd meet you, but it... it looks like we won't get much talking... ..."
Ilya let out a small squeak as something warm and soft leaned onto her when she wasn't looking, but this was not so much a 'fall' as a gentle slump. She was able to direct Shirou's descent somewhat, so that rather than crushing her again, he simply fell gently onto her, his head ending up...
Er.
Well.
In her lap.
This was less embarrassing than being crushed, but not by as much as you'd think.
"U-um... Shirou? Shirou, this is... you shouldn't be..." She said weakly. If her blushing face had looked like it was going to catch fire before, it now looked like it would ignite the entire park. Her skin was as red as her eyes.
Shirou made a soft sound in his throat, snuggling instinctively against something warm and soft. Ilya looked down at his sleeping face, her voice catching in her throat.
Slowly, gently, her expression of embarrassment melted into a gentle smile. She pressed one hand to his cheek.
"Shirou." She said, softly running her hand down his face and neck, drinking in the details of his sleeping form, smiling as his expression grew less troubled with the simple physical contact.
Sella and Leysritt would be worried. She had truly planned to spend only an hour or so here, and knew she had already done this. She really shouldn't have stayed any longer.
But there was no force on Earth that could have made her wake him up at that moment.
Spoiler for Author's Note:
A total breather chapter, admittedly, but nothing wrong with that, especially after what happened last time. And we're starting to see a little of Caster's effect on Sakura, which I know people were curious about.
As always, let me know if you spot any particular problems!
You are slowly but surely converting me to Shirou/Ilya. They're just too damn adorable together for their own good.
You are slowly but surely converting me to Shirou/Ilya. They're just too damn adorable together for their own good.
Nah, sorry, I just can't buy it as a pairing. Ilya is just too child-like (and I don't just mean physically), and whilst I like the idea of her being Shirou's little sister, a romantic relationship between them is something I just don't like the diea of.
Nah, sorry, I just can't buy it as a pairing. Ilya is just too child-like (and I don't just mean physically), and whilst I like the idea of her being Shirou's little sister, a romantic relationship between them is something I just don't like the diea of.
Oi, I didn't say you had to like it, silly man. I was simply commenting on the fact that Moczo is converting me to the pairing, and writing it in a way that I find believable if he goes for the romance path. We already know all too well that you dislike the pairing.
Glad I read the Author's Note first, otherwise may not have realized it was Caster at first. Probably would have around the time the scene shifted to the school, but still helped to prevent a re-read.
I enjoyed the Ilya scene as well. At first I was expecting her to leave and find him just lying on the sidewalk or something on her way home. Liked this way too. Now, since the Einzbern family specialty is mana transference and the flow thereof, I wonder if Shirou will awaken completely healthy.
Location: Pennsylvania. It's sort of like a real state.
Age: 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cherry_Lover
Ah, I forgot about Caster....
I was wondering where the stuff that Sakura was hearing came from....
Quote:
Originally Posted by GDB
Glad I read the Author's Note first, otherwise may not have realized it was Caster at first. Probably would have around the time the scene shifted to the school, but still helped to prevent a re-read.
Heh, I was wondering if I should bother to be subtle or not, since the fact was that the only thing that had changed significantly about Sakura so far from canon was that no she has Caster shacked up in her soul. I assumed everyone would figure it out right away no matter what I did.
I guess 'subtle' worked after all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam
You are slowly but surely converting me to Shirou/Ilya. They're just too damn adorable together for their own good.
My evil plan is working perfectly!
But seriously, yes, I'm sort of converting myself too. I wasn't really sure if I liked the idea of writing the pairing or not, but the more I write of it the more it seems to flow naturally. This entire chapter basically grew out of writing that scene and seeing if it seemed 'good' or not.
More like ShirouxHarem to me. Seriously, he just keep triggering flags just by breathing. I wonder how long will Rin last...
Spoiler for Something bugged me::
Why would Rider pretend to be Saber, of all people? Wouldn't Sakura be a better option?
Btw, I saw the Caster thing the minute I read them . Oh this is gonna be fun; next thing you know Sakura's gonna cut her brother into pieces and throw them awa- ...OTOH that might be a fitting end for Shinji
Location: Pennsylvania. It's sort of like a real state.
Age: 39
[QUOTE=Tiresias;3403943]
Spoiler for Something bugged me::
Why would Rider pretend to be Saber, of all people? Wouldn't Sakura be a better option?
Spoiler for Shrug:
Way I figured it: Rin was the original option, but she's tried to kill him. Sakura he still sees as family. Ilya he still sees as a child. At the moment, the girl he feels romantically closest to is probably Saber.
Really awesome. I always wondered if having those servants inside of you would affect you like that, but i don't recall it ever being developed in Fate Stay. Maybe Fate Zero...
Anyway, I don't mean to be picky, but having a fever means it's far more likely to be the flu than a common cold.
2010-12-15, 21:26
Author
I was simply commenting on the fact that Moczo is converting me to the pairing, and writing it in a way that I find believable if he goes for the romance path. We already know all too well that you dislike the pairing.
