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Old 2012-08-25, 10:40   Link #9481
Lycodrake
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Age: 32
I made the sheet for him too far back...honestly lost interest in what to do for him...

And his backstory is too close to Sasuke...
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Old 2012-08-25, 11:03   Link #9482
agetreme
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Delusion world
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycodrake View Post
I made the sheet for him too far back...honestly lost interest in what to do for him...

And his backstory is too close to Sasuke...
Because he is a guy in a fanfic of Magical Girl series?

*Age run*
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Old 2012-08-25, 11:50   Link #9483
Lycodrake
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...no. I specifically stated I meant on the backstory side of things.
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Old 2012-08-25, 13:02   Link #9484
agetreme
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Spoiler for Serafina:



Edit: Gylph Carta profile coming up
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Last edited by agetreme; 2012-09-01 at 22:56.
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Old 2012-08-26, 09:52   Link #9485
Keroko
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Age: 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lycodrake View Post
I made the sheet for him too far back...honestly lost interest in what to do for him...

And his backstory is too close to Sasuke...
It's a generic "my parents were killed" background. Which can be good, as long as something is actually done with that background. Right now it just seems to be there for the sake of being "dark and edgy."

I'd expand on the library-shine of his attacks. Dive into his background and explain why he does that. Does he study a lot? Or practice archeology? Perhaps he is interested in a certain facet of Belkan history because of something that happened in his past, describe that event. It doesn't even need to be dramatical, sometimes a casual past can make for a more interesting character.

Also, you might want to rework Tower of Babel, because I don't think an attack that reaches into the outer atmosphere can be classified as A-rank.

Quote:
Originally Posted by agetreme View Post
Spoiler for Sigilia Lanterna (Sigi):
That ultimate sealing spell sounds a bit... macguffinish, given how not even the TSAB could seal away the book of darkness so easily. Might want to make it slightly easier to bust out of.

Also, given how her task is to seal ancient artifacts, what is her relation with the TSAB? Given that both share similar tasks, I would imagine they would have at least met one another at some point.
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Old 2012-08-26, 10:27   Link #9486
agetreme
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Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
That ultimate sealing spell sounds a bit... macguffinish, given how not even the TSAB could seal away the book of darkness so easily. Might want to make it slightly easier to bust out of.
Yea... Will do that.

Quote:
Also, given how her task is to seal ancient artifacts, what is her relation with the TSAB? Given that both share similar tasks, I would imagine they would have at least met one another at some point.
Her relationship with TSAB is: The lowest rank recruit...(joined once she found about them)

Because she is actually from Ancient Belkan Era (where most crap happen). That's why she knew about the Ancient while TSAB just classify anything older than Belkan Empire as product of Al-Hazard.

She didn't actually meet TSAB until much later....and join because it make her life much easier.

I forgot to mention: The reason why Sophos don't have any number assign to it: It was destroyed long before the establishment of TSAB (Wipe out by Belkans during the war....)
Edit: Sophos Sages doesn't angst about that... because they kind of expected it to happen sooner or later..

Her age remain the same because she activate a magic that seal time and space (breakable due to being water-down version of her Ultimate, in the Future) against a Big Bad Boss who managed to absorbed the power source of Magical Girls.
(She wanted to use her ultimate but didn't have the time to perform the full ritual).

However, some idiots remove the magic sword (used as catalysts). Without the Magic sword's interference, the Big-Bad's magic trap(Which Sigilia and her partener did not anticipate) activate and break the magic seal.

And that's how the Modern Era of the story begin....

As a form of Karma, Sigilia's combat instructor is Vita (happen to be standing in for the real one)......who really hate her gut (but can't seem to recall the reason why)

Spoiler for reason:


New Edit: Modified Sigilai's Profile due to new ideas, Gylph Carta profile is work in progress
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Last edited by agetreme; 2012-08-29 at 14:43.
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Old 2012-09-01, 13:33   Link #9487
Lycodrake
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko View Post
It's a generic "my parents were killed" background. Which can be good, as long as something is actually done with that background. Right now it just seems to be there for the sake of being "dark and edgy."

I'd expand on the library-shine of his attacks. Dive into his background and explain why he does that. Does he study a lot? Or practice archeology? Perhaps he is interested in a certain facet of Belkan history because of something that happened in his past, describe that event. It doesn't even need to be dramatical, sometimes a casual past can make for a more interesting character.

Also, you might want to rework Tower of Babel, because I don't think an attack that reaches into the outer atmosphere can be classified as A-rank.
Already noted that I gave up on the entire idea...and you make it sound like I just ripped off Yuuno...
Don't know what you mean on Tower of Babel, though...too over-powered, I guess?
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Old 2012-09-02, 13:29   Link #9488
agetreme
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Delusion world
Spoiler for Perlin Gylph Carta:


He seem overpowered?
Not really because unlike the others, none of his spell work in AMF condition....
Since he belongs to ancient Belkan era.... such thing happen a lot.

All is fair in love and war after all...

==

Just in case anybody is curious:
Mage Rank (modern Era):

Serafina Sigilia: C (Originally AA+) due to using standard issued Mid-childa Staff (Boost device would obviously be a better choice for an Increase mage like her)

Perlin Gylph: A+ (originally SS-) Without using device.

Imber:
>Officially C+ (took B rank exam with Serafina but fail it badly)
>Unofficially A+ with 20 Limiters on
>S rank (maximum limiter that can be released) due to no modern device capable of handling his spell casting speed and full power.
Also, to avoid heavy collateral damages that is useful in Belkan Warring era but not good in Modern Era.

>True Rank: SSS- (pure) result of his intensive training...and we are talking about a decade of intensive training). He IS a Master-level Mage after all....
Similar to Hayate, he suffer from the same problem of no modern Device capable of handling SSS power...
Unlike Hayate, his device is standard issued Belkan Spear.... There is absolutely no way the device can survive in one piece after a mission.

Tempest: S+ (retired)

Fyr: SSS+ (Composite of course... if you take into account her poor physical ability, it drop all the way to AAA+ rank) She don't need a device to wipe out an army... device only make her spell-casting faster.

Terra: C+

Liliya: AAA+ (Magical Girl mode: Ex..... They are obvious Game-breaker if you haven't get it yet. Reason being..... Nanoha is A Magical Girl Series...)

Each of them are a complete Nightmare on battlefield. However, when compared to the Belkan Emperors from the same Era....they are only as good as the Emperors' generals (only exception being Liliya in Magical Girl mode)

Edit:
Probably do a Pilot Chapter for Serafina and Imber entering TSAB and their B-rank exam.
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Last edited by agetreme; 2012-09-02 at 13:41.
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Old 2013-01-05, 22:22   Link #9489
krisslanza
Sleep beneath the flowers
 
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Lording above all of humanity >;3
Age: 34
I'm bored and totally NOT necroposting. Still a WIP, of course.
Spoiler for Character Sheet:
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Old 2013-01-06, 03:58   Link #9490
MeisterBabylon
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
I know I attempted a Rebuilt of Keroko a long time ago and I am not proud of the outcome. Here is another attempt, this time focusing on a grey area in Keroko’s history, which is the gap between a village razed to the ground by a dragon, to being adopted by Shiro and Momoko.

And so, fueled by several... interesting Keroko emoticons, [Magical Lyrical Keroko Dragonia] is currently being filmed.

And here’s the titular theme song, performed by Fate Testarossa of course.


Quote:
Originally Posted by krisslanza View Post
I'm bored and totally NOT necroposting. Still a WIP, of course.
Spoiler for Character Sheet:


Its a good start. Keep going!
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Old 2013-01-07, 02:47   Link #9491
krisslanza
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Lording above all of humanity >;3
Age: 34
Eeeh, it's not much and it sounds too... Mary Sue-ish in my head, but here's a rough draft of her bio so far.

Spoiler for Charmion Bio:
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Old 2013-01-31, 16:51   Link #9492
krisslanza
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Lording above all of humanity >;3
Age: 34
Posting a profile up in here. Work of a friend, not me, but it's in the same "project" we're working on. Slowly.

Spoiler for Britta:
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Old 2013-02-20, 15:21   Link #9493
NorthernFallout
The Interstellar Medium
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Age: 34
Sup, bros.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...it?usp=sharing
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Old 2013-02-20, 20:25   Link #9494
XenahortCharybdis
does whatever he wants.
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Atop a hill of words.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernFallout View Post
One more character like this and you'll probably need your own page on Tv Tropes filed under 'Interplay of Sex and Violence'. Seriously, dude.

There's an improvement though, at least in the sense that as I read it this character can actually be normal...uh, normally.

Looking forward to see her in aforementioned normal situations.
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Old 2013-02-20, 22:08   Link #9495
MeisterBabylon
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Since when Tv Tropes pages were some kind of compliment?
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白露型駆逐艦の4番艦、夕立です。第三次ソロモン海戦では、けっこう頑張ったっぽい★?
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Old 2013-02-20, 22:14   Link #9496
XenahortCharybdis
does whatever he wants.
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Atop a hill of words.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post
Since when Tv Tropes pages were some kind of compliment?
And since when was I well known for giving them?
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Old 2013-02-21, 03:32   Link #9497
NorthernFallout
The Interstellar Medium
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Age: 34
I shall fill it with deviant psychopaths that pass off as lovely people.

And then murder everyone with a rake.

But yes, she's supposed to a bit more normal, for a start, as that's exactly what I need to practice.
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Old 2013-02-21, 03:38   Link #9498
XenahortCharybdis
does whatever he wants.
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Atop a hill of words.
I need that crack you're smoking right about now. Just kidding. Glad to see that the world of AX-Crazies is getting just a bit brighter.

Here's to that.

-GOOD PROGRESS BRONZE MEDAL AWARDED-
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Old 2013-03-12, 19:43   Link #9499
Rising Dragon
Goat Herder
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Age: 36
Chapter 1
Chapter 2

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha MercenarieS:
THE COLLARED

Spoiler for Chapter 3 Part 1:
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Last edited by Rising Dragon; 2013-03-12 at 20:42.
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Old 2013-03-12, 19:44   Link #9500
Rising Dragon
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Spoiler for Chapter 3 Part 2:
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Last edited by Rising Dragon; 2013-03-13 at 12:05.
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