To Aru ... Fanfiction Discussion Thread

[blitz1/2]

Originally Posted by yukirosuzuka

But wasn't Maribel stated to be a college student?

It was a great story. Looking forward to what you'll write next, if you decide to at all.

true, you got me there. Maribel was supposed to be a university student. (who knows, maybe a younger Maribel? xD)

[MarksmanKNG]

Just registered to this site. First I would like to thank mark for his efforts. Now I have a question

Do you really want a sequel to my fanfic, Time Index? I have a plan but I have not started my paper writing phase. Before I put my efforts to waste, I ask you all this. please let me know thanks.

[Zakoo]

The fanfic with the one who had control over time ?

Yeah I quite loved it. Even the end was good. So a sequel is always appreciated.

[kaizerknight01]

guys, do you know of a tips/ways to over come writer's block ?

[Zakoo]

Hmm, each time I block I go read once again the light novel or some manga. Generally that gives me new ideas, for example, I was blocked with 'how introduce magical characters' in my FF but thanks to the Daihaiseisai arc I got an idea.

[kaizerknight01]

Originally Posted by Zakoo

Hmm, each time I block I go read once again the light novel or some manga. Generally that gives me new ideas, for example, I was blocked with 'how introduce magical characters' in my FF but thanks to the Daihaiseisai arc I got an idea.

thanks zakoo

[outerelf]

Personally, I find that if I just keep on writing, even if it really sucks, I can go back and edit it to make it better. Write something, anything, sleep on it for a night, and come back in the morning.

[mark1246]

Originally Posted by MarksmanKNG

Just registered to this site. First I would like to thank mark for his efforts. Now I have a question

Do you really want a sequel to my fanfic, Time Index? I have a plan but I have not started my paper writing phase. Before I put my efforts to waste, I ask you all this. please let me know thanks.

Hmm interesting first chapter for the sequel i presume, like the personality for the new character!! A music guy and Akira an average guy.. wait dont tell me it Akira from the anime movie!! :/

ps. well any cant wait for the next chapter!

[MarksmanKNG]

Originally Posted by mark1246

Hmm interesting first chapter for the sequel i presume, like the personality for the new character!! A music guy and Akira an average guy.. wait dont tell me it Akira from the anime movie!! :/

ps. well any cant wait for the next chapter!

It's not the first chapter. It's a preview of whats to come ;P

[Ashaman]

Okay, Yandere Kuroko is scary

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6338938/1/

[mark1246]

To all of the people who love doing Fan fiction of To Aru Majutsu no index: here something you might like. We always been having fiction of touma, misaka, and new character that were created by the fan and we love them; like yori the time control esper from :Time Index or Wiliam the awesome non-related character in the show but we wish he was! From: A Certain New Adventure & 2 (recommend you read that story)

Yet we have something missing, we don’t have a fan fiction of a prequel or something like the beginning like before Toaru began; like an origin of how the imagine breaker was born and how all this began. Well here my opinion of how the fanfic of the prequel should be

Setting: heaven Year 0xxx

“It is the celebration of a birth new candidate to take the thorne of GOD . It is said that an ange life span is really long (up to the author how long) and there is a compettion that every 300 hundres years (or any other year) candiate from the high class angel family may have there children compete with the other angel children to become the next GOD. The child that was born was Marius Dremers (just saying it could be any name by the author just felt like putting a name there) one of the 7 high ranking angel family. As I was saying here the twist, Marius may be some random angel kid, but that person is Touma Kamijou Past Life as an Angel that soon to be involve in the war that coming up in Heaven!! I know, I know, why is Touma an Angel and what happen to him that made him turn human, well im getting there. Just wait, I have more to say, i will updates daily

if any one wants to do a fanfiction on this, be my guess, but please contact me, i would really like to send you a draft of the story, THANK YOU

[Master Assassin]

Prequels, eh...

Can't really see how much reference material can a fanfic writer get apart from using the events of Railgun (which predates Index in terms of timeline), in order to keep it accurate with the events of the original storyline...

[WiliamZ0]

Nice to meet you guys, I new person in this forums~
Is this is the place to introduce fanfic?

I would recommended you guys to read my own fanfic (I still amateur so please understand)

A Certain New Adventure
and
A Certain New Adventure II

I still trying to develop myself so any critic accepted ^_^

[mark1246]

Hello it mark1246 here, this is continue from my fanfcition from above a few. comment enjoy the update

(Quick reference before you start reading; In Heaven, both Demons and Angel can use variety of magic that you see differently in the anime world of Toaru, just pointing out)


The Dremers family is only consist of Marius, His older brother Triton, and there father: Ermus, the mother died when giving birth to Marius(but you get to know more about here later on . After many years of training in the Grand palace to compete for the GOD throne, Marius (Angel year/AGE:10 appearance: just like Touma except white hair) get bored and decided to look at the outside world for chance. He only been in the inside of the Palace (the exterior of the palace look really enormous with it own mall and castle that make it look huge) for all his life and wants to know what out there.

So far he see normal houses with normal angel citizen, nothing what he was expecting or no one coming up to him (because no one know the existence of the competitor....yet) and soon walk up to a abandon church. He look inside it and finds a pretty girl inside it, she has beautiful brown long hair and just a little younger than Marius. He could see some strange animal decoration on her skirt but couldn't make out what it was. Just before Marius could say anything the girl spot him and say to him,”What are you looking at huh, you want to fight me, baka idiot,” (Im going to let you guess who this is) Before Marius could reply to her back, she instantly launches magic. Her power take form of blue energy beam and shoot directly at Marius. Before it could hit him...( I know what you all are thinking, IM action time, well wrong that not yet) Marius summon a shield spell that incapability block the girl spell and return back to the girl and hit her. When the girl regain consciousness she see Marius right next to her, she retaliate and jumps up away from him. “Did you do anything to me while I was knockout out asking Marius while her face was red. “Hey, i'm not a pervert or anything like that, scheech being attack random like that and getting in a fight with a girl, gosh what a day almost like bad fortune .” Okay first off who are you and do you randomly atack people that just greet you.” The gril sliences and look guilty all of a sundden.” Okay im sorry about that it just people came and make fun at me just i'm girl, but when they came to chanlege me I instanly beat them up; so I took you for one of those people sorry , My name is Akasmi, Akasmi hibaski. (Toatl hint here)

going to stop for today, well bring update soon, please review on how this fanfiction going so far please, I hope it good

[arkblazer]

Man where do i start?

First off, you really need to work on your grammar, it sounds pretty awkward. (possibly because you were using present tense) and you are doing a lot of typos, using the wrong words and/or missing some of them altogether.

I cant really help you much because in all honesty; my grammar is pretty horrid as well. But at the very least try and use Microsoft word to help you.

As for the story, be careful with your OC there. While reading your summary my marysuedar blared quite a few times. Keep in mind that at least some people are going to have a low tolerance for Author Created Characters, so try to add them flaws and not make them too perfect. A good OC is one that can complement the setting and canon characters, not the other way around.

[WiliamZ0]

Originally Posted by arkblazer

Man where do i start?

First off, you really need to work on your grammar, it sounds pretty awkward. (possibly because you were using present tense) and you are doing a lot of typos, using the wrong words and/or missing some of them altogether.

I cant really help you much because in all honesty; my grammar is pretty horrid as well. But at the very least try and use Microsoft word to help you.

As for the story, be careful with your OC there. While reading your summary my marysuedar blared quite a few times. Keep in mind that at least some people are going to have a low tolerance for Author Created Characters, so try to add them flaws and not make them too perfect. A good OC is one that can complement the setting and canon characters, not the other way around.

I see, Good to hear it.

About the first one, It true my first fanfic that horrible, That's the problem that now I trying to change in 2nd fanfic. Since my Microsoft Word broken down, I use WordPad so I don't know where my fault. (Good thing MW already repaired yesterday ~)
Right now I really working on Grammar and Spelling.

About the OC , Even though he looks powerful, In reality his abilities have very many limitation. I already add it in my project right now~

Thanks for the critic, I appreciate it ! It help me to build myself ^_^

[arkblazer]

Lol sorry Will i was actually reviewing that little excerpt from mark.

however since you were a good sport, i went and gave the first chapter a try.

*Sigh* sorry for being an asshole; but i can see why you though that my criticism was directed at your fic.

while your grammar isn't as bad, it still had a lot of the same issues i mentioned, i think a big part of the problem is that you are not reviewing and editing the mistakes that you make. i really recommend you get a beta reader to help you out.

while i only reviewed the first chapter Your oc still seem like;not only a mary sue; but a self insertion as well. understand that a marysue is not just about him being overly powerful, but wether he has character flaws

for example i wouldnt consider accelerator a mary sue because even tho he is pretty overpowered character he is still a flawed human being.

[WiliamZ0]

Character flaw huh~ I do add it at the later of fanfic

He is sometimes arrogant, want to win , etc (in personality he is not a very nice guy)
In some term, he went and risk his life (Look at Chapter 19 of A Certain New Advanture)

And Yeah! I will repair the mistake ~ (too bad I almost have no time except night ~ Seems several part need to be repair huh~ It's quite true ! Especially the Chapter 19 Problem !)

[arkblazer]

Well, i'm half-way through the third chapter of my fic and i'd like anyone's' honest opinion.

I'd especially like if anyone who has read all the novels (especially volumes 15 and 19) tell me if Saiai and Mugino are in character, or if there are things that are OOC.

Spoiler for characters:

I was alone when I woke up the next morning. It appeared like I had overslept and Aniki didn’t bother to wake me. Of course that was to be expected considering what was said the other night.
Luckily the door was unlocked; so I could go to the mess hall and get something to eat.
It took quite a bit of time for me to get served now that Accelerator wasn’t there with me to cut in line. As I waited, I looked around for aniki. Unfortunately he was nowhere to be seen.
Since I couldn’t find him anywhere, the only other person I knew was Mugino. She was sitting in a corner; eating on her own. Hesitantly, I walked over to her.
“Well, well, did you have a change of heart sweetie?” Mugino teased with a smile on her face.
“Um… well, more or less, I guess…” I answered coyly as I sat on the opposite side of Mugino.
“Anyway I wanted to ask you about Terminator girl.” I quickly changed the subject. I still wasn’t so sure about her.
“Terminator girl; you mean Saiai?” She asked a bit puzzled as to who I was referring.
“Yeah, Saiai; how is she? She isn’t seriously hurt, is she?” I asked. One of the reasons that I went to Mugino was so she would tell me how her friend was doing. As I was a little worried about her since the fight with aniki.
“Well the doctors told me she was fine… I didn’t see her last night though; so I was planning on visiting her after I was done eating; you can come with me if you want.”
“Sure… ” I nodded and began to eat my food; for a moment there was an awkward silence between us, as I tried to gain enough courage to ask Mugino what was bothering me about her.
“Mugino-san, I have to ask, what’s your angle?”
“My angle; what do you mean?” she asked with an amused smile on her face.
“Why are you being so nice to me? You don’t seem like the kind of person that would bother with a useless kid like me.” I asked; looking at her warily
“My, aren’t you a cynical girl. Is it so difficult to believe that I would give a helping hand to a cute, little kouhai like you?” Mugino mocked in disbelief.
I still kept looking at her skeptically however; what she did at the coliseum was still fresh on my mind, so her trying to befriend me out of the kindness of her heart was a little hard to buy.
In return Mugino sighed in exasperation and said. “I’m always looking for unique espers to join my group. And since you are teleporter with a lot of guts, I thought you’d be a good addition.”
“I’m not that brave, really…” I whispered timidly; the truth was that I was terrified of this place.
Mugino, seeing my self-doubt, chuckled a little bit as she began to pat my head; “You are the brat that dared to get close to number one after all; besides…”
She paused for a moment as her hand lowered to my cheek and began to pinch it in a playful manner. “You are a pretty bold kid you know, getting all sassy with me even though you know what I’m capable of.”
“I mean really… your cheekiness can be cute at times, but you need to be careful whom you are talking to sweetie.” Even though Mugino chirped cheerfully, the grip on my cheek grew painfully harder with each passing word.
“Now that that’s settled lets be good friends, shall we?” Mugino said with a bright smile as she released her hold. I hesitantly nodded back in return as my hand nursed my wounded cheek; her veiled threat making it perfectly clear who the boss was.
The rest of the meal wasn’t so bad afterwards. Mugino at the very least wasn’t as anti-social as Accelerator and was better holding a conversation. Even so she still had that arrogant air of an ojou-san; always talking down at me with that condescending tone of hers.
“Actually, there was another reason why I wanted you to join.” Mugino confessed; looking back at me while I followed right behind.
“Truth is that it would be troublesome for me if you were to stay close to number one.” We were now passing through several hallways on our way to see Saiai at the infirmary.
“Why?” I asked, curious to know what other reason there was.
“That guy… he could easily control this place if he wanted, you know.” Mugino explained with some slight exasperation, “Instead he remains introverted in his own world; completely indifferent to others.” She continued with a smirk on her face.
“That’s why groups like my own can exist in the first place.” She admitted as she stopped and sighed for a moment.
“But say someone shows up and manages to get him out of his shell.” Mugino said as she looked at me with a piercing look. “If someone like that appeared; he or she could threaten the power balance between the factions.” That certain someone was most likely implied to be me as once again her veiled threat was made clear to me.
“In any case that’s just as a word of advice; while I wouldn’t go as far as to hurt you, others might come after you because of your connection to Accelerator.” Mugino said as she turned left and passed a sliding door; entering the medical wing.
The medical wing wasn’t well maintained to say the least. While the place was filled with countless medical equipment, it didn’t seem as clean as an infirmary should; aggravating the problem was how understaffed it was considering how many patients there were.
Almost every other step I saw someone lying on a bed; each was separated from the other by a thin curtain that at least gave them some privacy. The condition of each patient varied greatly; from broken bones to burn marks, from lacerations to mental trauma. Only their treatment remained constant.
Most of them were forgotten or even abandoned; the staff gave them the bare minimum attention to keep them alive. And only then if they were worth it, if the esper in question was valuable enough to even bother; because here, they weren’t taking care of human beings, merely investments.
And so after passing several patients we found Saiai sitting on her bed. Even though she didn’t seem to have suffered any serious injury from her fight yesterday; she appeared somewhat depressed; her face seeming a bit down.
“Knock, knock anybody there?” Mugino called out cheerfully as she approached Saiai; trying to get her attention and out of her slump.
“Hey Mugino, didn’t see you there.” Saiai answered in a somber tone, smiling weakly at Mugino. “This is an unexpected surprise.”
“Yes well, the doctors had told me you were fine, so imagine my surprise when you didn’t show up to our room last night.”
“I’m sorry that I made you worry, it’s just…” She paused for a moment, her hands holding her bent knees tightly. ”Guess I was embarrassed to show up after I made such a super fool of myself.” Saiai used this as an excuse. Even so she was shaking so much that I thought it was fear the reason that kept her here.
“That you did…” Said Mugino bluntly, “You should have seen yourself back then,” She continued in a mocking tone. “You even pissed your pants, it was pretty pathetic; ha ha ha ha.”
“Stop it mugino!” I said angrily at a chuckling Mugino, this was not the time for her to act so snobbish.
“But you know…” Mugino in turn placed her hand on my shoulder and said in a softer tone. “Anyone would have soiled their pants if they had faced that guy, and that includes me.”
“Kinuhata, you are the toughest person I know. Unlike everybody else, At least you were brave enough to stand up for yourself.” Mugino praised, looking at Saiai with an elegant, almost warm smile on her face.
“Mugino…” Saiai muttered; looking back somewhat surprised at her friend. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who was taken aback by Muginos’ words.
“So to hell with what the others might think; if any them has the galls to talk trash about you, we can just crush them.” Mugino continued, her friendly smile turning into her usual confident smirk.
“Anyway I brought you cute, little kuro-chan here as a pet to cheer you up; hope you like her.” Mugino said as she grabbed me by my shoulders and dragged me in front of her; almost as if she was presenting me to Saiai.
“Who are you calling a pet, you old hag?” I retorted, glaring back at Mugino angrily. I don’t know where I got the courage; maybe Mugino’s kinder words from before made me think I could get away with it.
“Oh my, now who did you just called an old hag!?” My transgression was soon punished as the older girl took hold of my cheeks, pinching them mercilessly.
“That’s enough Mugino or you might break my super cute pet.” said Saiai with an amused smile on her face; getting up from the bed and trying to rescue me from my tormentors’ hold. Seeing an improvement in her best friends’ mood, Mugino complied and released me.
“Hi there Kuro-chan, I’m Kinuhata Saiai. Call me Saiai okay?” She introduced herself, looking at me with a friendly smile.
“Stop calling me Kuro-chan as if I were some dog,” I answered irately while rubbing my aching cheeks; I hated that nickname. “My name is Shirai Kuroko.”
“Ah, My apologies Shirai-san…” Saiai chuckled slightly; maintaining her calm, friendly demeanor.
“It’s ok,” Considering where I was and the people I had met; I was surprised by how nice Saiai was being. “You can call me Kuroko if you want.”
Looking back at her I began to feel a bit guilty, “Um Saiai-san... you are ok right?” I had come here because I was worried about Kinuhata; instead I ended up behaving rudely towards her. “Ani- I mean, Accelerator didn’t hurt you too badly; did he?”
“Nah, I’m super fine, don’t worry about me.” She answered with an easygoing smile.
“Kid; you should know just how tough Saiai is; after all, she IS ‘terminator girl’.” Mugino teased, putting stronger emphasis at the end.
“Terminator girl..?” Saiai asked in confusion.
“Oh nothing, forget it. Anyway how about we get out of here? This kind of place is really ruining my mood.” Mugino suggested as she began to leave ahead of us.
Listening to the monotonous beeping of several life monitors around us, as well as the combined heavy smell of anesthetic and other unpleasant bodily fluids; Saiai and I agreed, following right behind.
I found Saiai to be a much more pleasant person to be around with than Accelerator or Mugino. She was much humbler and less temperamental than those two. She was also easier to talk with as we chit chatted about everything really. From fashion to music, from what television shows we watched and movies stars we liked; I found that we had a lot in common with. She did have poor taste in movies however, many of her favorite ones being mediocre at best.
“Look Kuroko, this is what I was talking about.” Saiai said as she showed me in the magazine.
After leaving the medical ward we had gone to the rec-room. Now as we sat in one of the tables, Saiai and I were reading a magazine while Mugino sat next to us reading a novel of hers.
“Oooh! So this is lingerie?” I asked with excited curiosity. Talking about fashion with Saiai before, the word lingerie had popped out. Looking at the magazine I grew fascinated with those clothes. They had such a mature and classy feeling to them.
“Mmmhm, they are a type of super-special underwear you show off to that special boy you like.” Hearing Saiai explanation, I tried to remember if there was ever a boy I had been close with; there were none really… well except maybe Aniki.
As for that guy he was as usual watching tv; everyone else just keeping their distance and ignoring him. Looking at Aniki I felt sorry for him. I know that Accelerator pretended like he didn’t care about others, but I thought otherwise. Remembering what he said in his sleep last night; he probably felt lonely.
“Looks like it’s almost that time already...” Mugino mused as she stopped reading and got up from her chair.
“Seems like it,” Saiai answered back as she stopped looking at the magazine and got up as well. “These exercises are such a pain.” Saiai complained while stretching.
“You coming, Kuroko..?” Saiai asked; seeing that my attention was elsewhere.
“Nah, you guys go on ahead.” I answered with a reassuring smile, “I think I’ll stay a bit longer.”
For a moment Saiai and Mugino stared at each other with an indecipherable look on their faces. “Okay… you take care now.” Saiai said with a somewhat worried frown on her face before leaving with Mugino.
After looking at the magazine for a couple of more minutes I decided to go to the couch and sit next to aniki; giving him a friendly smile as he looked back at in surprise.
“Tch, what is it brat?” However his face quickly changed to his usual annoyed frown.
“Looking from back there, you seemed kind of lonely.” I answered, keeping my friendly tone. “So I thought that maybe you’d want some company.”
“Is that so?” aniki scoffed in disbelief.
“Yeah, that and Magical cop Kaori is about to start.” I said, that anime being both my excuse and ulterior motive.
“Eh? And what makes you think I’m gonna let you?” sneered aniki as he held the remote; his attitude not unlike a bully who was taunting someone who was powerless to stop him.
However I already had a weapon that was effective against Accelerator. “But…but…” I said as my smile turned into a frown and my eyes got all watery.
“Magical cop Kaori is my favorite show!” I blurted out before crying out loud; doing the same type of bawling that I used whenever I wanted my father to get me something.
As expected, after a few moments of hearing my weeping, aniki relented. “tsk, shove it up your ass you little shit!” Exasperated, Accelerator threw me the remote; He then got up from the couch and began to leave.
“Wait, where are you going?” I asked, looking back at aniki; I didn’t think he would leave.
“Where do you think?” Accelerator asked in return, merely turning his heads to the side and looking at me through the corner of his eyes. “Haven’t you noticed that everyone else have gone to the exercise rooms?” Then he continued walking towards the door.
It was just like he said; the whole room was empty except for aniki and me. But just as Accelerator was about to open the door and leave; someone else opened it and came in, it was Director Kihara.
“Ah Kihara-kun, tell me, Just how desperate were you?” Accelerator taunted; the instant their eyes met the two of them to sneer at each other. “I know that like the rest of you bastards you have a massive hard for all that stupid data, but did you have to bring some little brat from the streets?”
“How moving you bastard,” Without skipping a beat; Kihara answered in kind. “Is Accelerator worried about his little friend, hmm?”
“As if…”Aniki spat as he continued forward even though Kihara was in the way. The director quickly sidestepped to the side, he realized that Accelerator was planning to shove him out of the way with his reflect if he didn’t move.
“More like in your hurry to find a new teleporter you were too stupid to confirm if she was capable enough for the test,” taunted Accelerator just outside the door; placing his finger under his chin like he was trying to remember something. “So how many fuck ups have you done already Kihara-kun? Five..? Six..? Do you think the higher ups will maintain their support of you if you keep making so many mistakes?”
“Fuck you!” Snapped Kihara as he slammed the door on Accelerators’ face, “And you!” He turned; looking at me angrily. “What the hell are you still doing here you little brat!?” The director shouted as he approached me at a furious pace.
“You think you are here to sit on your ass all day!?”Taking out his anger on me, he grabbed me by my shoulders and, in a rough manner, forced me to get up. “The training exercises have already started, get moving!” He ordered; dragging me to the exercise rooms violently.

[blitz1/2]

We don't have any Itsuwa/Touma fics either? Neither japanese nor English?