2011-04-14, 17:59 | Link #21 |
sleepyhead
Author
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: event horizon
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Time to pull a relentlessflame and stick a post in just before thread closes, so nobody gonna be able to defend against my shallow arguments. Yeah! like a pro baby! >=D
No, just kidding, it’s a coincidence I only happen to find time now to read the last of them; and comment. Anyway… I’m kind of noticing a pattern for a while now. Everyone really likes faceless nameless protagonists (and characters in general) it seems. Not in the sense of it being a bad thing, but rather fascinating. @wassupimviet — somehow, near the end the first person narrative going straight into a third person one is awkward. @lordshadowisle — it’s pretty creative. I don’t get the underlying plot though (as usual), but I did get the overarching one of the double personality, before it was spoiled. I’ll complain about one thing though. The separators, they were unnecessary. You should have simply had a breakaway sentence; it’s not like you didn’t have a choice there. Worst thing about them is they give too much away.
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2011-04-14, 21:47 | Link #22 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Singapore
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@ felix
Thanks for the comment. I'm not extremely fond of the separators myself, as they are quite inelegant devices. However, I put those in because I'm not entirely confident that the scene transitions would be clear otherwise. |
2011-04-15, 00:08 | Link #23 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Singapore
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@ papermario
After I read the summary, I realized a problem - too many characters and too much plot to be put in 1500 words! Interestingly, I felt that I had a good grip on things after reading the main entry, but I was confused by the summary Felix raises some interesting plot problems though. In fact I had a laugh at some of his comments, like Quote:
Last edited by lordshadowisle; 2011-04-15 at 01:16. |
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2011-04-15, 01:59 | Link #24 |
ゴリゴリ!
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Age: 32
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Thanks for the c&c guys Sorry about the late reply, but my laptop is legit broken. A new one's on it's way, so I'm replying via iPhone.
First off, typing is terrible on this, so short summaries:P Yes, it's legal in many countries to be related to the witness while you are on the case. Felix, your reply was my first post; I almost immediately changed it:P Still, you're right about many of the word placement errors, but I can't really get to them in my current situation. Ah and yes, too long of a story for 1500 words indeed; I still got my point across. Finally, consider my current version as my final entry. If I can also request that somebody can post the final version, as much as it pains me. Since I can't use my computer; if somebody can post the new voting thread I would be very grateful. If not, it'll have to wait until Saturday when I can borrow a friend's computer. Once again, apologies.
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2011-04-15, 04:37 | Link #25 | |
sleepyhead
Author
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: event horizon
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Quote:
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2011-04-15, 05:30 | Link #26 |
ゴリゴリ!
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Age: 32
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Many thanks, felix. Much appreciated.
Just an addendum; The_Seth also submitted a story via PM. Title: "The Wanderers", and copied from my inbox Spoiler for The Wanderers:
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2011-04-20, 02:26 | Link #28 | |
In scientific terms only.
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Oh ho, this one sounds familiar.
Quote:
Hehe, what a premise. That was thoroughly enjoyable. I particularly liked that twist that went on towards the end. |
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2011-04-20, 11:39 | Link #33 | |
sleepyhead
Author
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: event horizon
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Quote:
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Tags |
2011, april, competition, emdas, writing |
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