AnimeSuki Forums

Ridwan · 2013-05-15, 00:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azuma Denton

'

Sadly, this practice is still usual in my country.
And there is recent case where the man divorce his wife only after 3 days because he is not satisfy with his wife...

Meh, parents selling daughters to perverts are everywhere. That particular case was hilarious though.

AmeNoJaku · 2013-05-15, 01:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ridwan

Meh, parents selling daughters to perverts are everywhere. That particular case was hilarious though.

Well, let me be the devil's advocate here, and point out that if I had a father that sold me to a pedo- at 4, I will have better chances with him, since that pedo- could potentially feel sorry for me, then the dad (who definitely doesn't based on his actions) and who would likely do a lot worse to me, as I grew older and unprofitable

In other words, it's not the institution that is problematic here, but how certain people use it.

SaintessHeart · 2013-05-15, 01:21

If I am that pedo, I would have lots of fun with you and not bother with what others say.

Pedoes don't feel sorry for the lolis they have. Aniki hogoshas do though, but they are a rare bunch.

Ridwan · 2013-05-15, 02:39

I'm just saying that people of developing countries don't need to feel all inferior that their country being poor enough for unfortunate things like that happening in where they live. Not only that these are not that meaningfully more frequent in where they live then in the so called first world overall, but that the self-depreciating culture is by and in itself a worrying indication regarding their national self-esteem and simply not a wagon one should ever jump into.

EroKing · 2013-05-15, 03:00

It's funny because as a child the parents teach you not to talk to or follow strangers and when you grow up expect you to marry one

Well, imho, it's better to marry the devil you know than the one you don't

AmeNoJaku · 2013-05-15, 04:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

If I am that pedo, I would have lots of fun with you and not bother with what others say.

Pedoes don't feel sorry for the lolis they have. Aniki hogoshas do though, but they are a rare bunch.

Pedos also are not buy the lolis they rape, they rent them, otherwise a prolonged relationship would make them feel empathy that will turn into guilt by interracting daily with their victim... there were a couple of cases in Germany where this mechanic came into play, and the pedo, eventually behaved more like a father/brother over the years... not that this is good in itself, being practically enslaved, but better then being in addition raped on a daily basis.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ridwan

I'm just saying that people of developing countries don't need to feel all inferior that their country being poor enough for unfortunate things like that happening in where they live. Not only that these are not that meaningfully more frequent in where they live then in the so called first world overall, but that the self-depreciating culture is by and in itself a worrying indication regarding their national self-esteem and simply not a wagon one should ever jump into.

OK, I just realized that many here assume one of two very different things... consenting arranged marriages between mature (mentally/physically) partners without any prior romantic feelings towards each other versus families shipping daughters that they can not afford to support within the constrains of their societies.

For the first case, I see nothing wrong on the basis that marriage itself had and still has nothing to do with romance and feelings. For the second things are a much more complicated, not because of the marriage itself, but because of all the other problems surrounding the situation.

Ledgem · 2013-05-16, 16:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kirarakim

I used to be completely against arranged marriages until I became friends with someone who was in one. My friend was from India but she was an international student at the same college as me.

Her parents really picked a good guy for her. They have things common and are friends and he treats her right. Was she in love with him? I don't think so but I can see it was a relationship of mutual respect.

It's all about perspective. I was surprised when someone I know accepted their parents' proposal for an arranged marriage, because I had always thought it seemed like some horrible thing and this fellow was Americanized. I figured he would see it the same way as I did. Arranged marriages were what this person was used to, though - his parents were matched by an arranged marriage, and I'd imagine that the parents of his friends were, too. Perhaps many of his friends also went through arranged marriages.

By comparison, the western fairytale ideal of finding "true love" probably seems like a ridiculously childish idea to those people, as would the idea of finding and establishing it all on your own. Our (American) divorce rates and low rates of marriage don't exactly disprove that notion, either.

walkofshane · 2013-07-21, 08:34

I guess many arranged marriages work because people who go into it do not really have high expectations for their partners. They have mutual, genuine respect for each other and not a lot of unrealistic demands. Unlike in common romantic relationships ^^;

As for me, I have not thought about it. But I heard that when I was very young, my godfather wanted to arrange marriage between me and his son. Thankfully, my father didn't agree

DonQuigleone · 2013-07-21, 09:41

Arranged Marriages seem a bit too random for me to put much trust in them. You're basically going to end up with someone random, and it would be very easy to end out with someone you have 0 physical attraction for (not to mention incompatible personalities...). Marriage sight unseen seems rather foolish.

However I could see benefits of certain types of Arranged Marriage where the two individuals are only introduced. I'd go for that. No weirder then randomly meeting at a bar, or through online dating.

Crashmaking Zoomatic · 2013-07-21, 10:16

As an Indian, I have a lot of experience with arranged marriages. Not directly, but I've heard stories considering how prevalent it is among the majority of my relatives overseas. I'm quite Americanized, so I would never consider it, but I think it has its merits as long as it's done correctly.

In my family, arranged marriages aren't simply a case of pairing two people up at random. Then again, a majority of my family is 'upper class', so it's probably different among the lower classes, but through arranged marriages, they can search for people with proper qualifications for their daughter or son. So once their child is at the right age, and is ready to be settled (they often tell their parents when they're ready), they start the search and look for people that match their child's wants in education, appearance, and so on so forth until they've found a likely match. Then, their horoscopes are matched to make sure that they're compatible (now, I'm not a believer in astrology, but my family definitely is...).

After this stage, the family's meet and the two are introduced to one another, and generally strike up a friendly relationship (or don't). It's their decision whether they want to marry the other or not, but I won't say there isn't a lot of familial pressure at times.

On one hand, my grandparents had an arranged marriage and they've never, -ever- gotten along, but they still support it wholeheartedly. On the other hand, my parents had a 'love marriage', and there isn't really any love there either. But I've seen people of both kinds of marriages have love towards one another, so at this point, I can't say arranged marriages are wrong as long as no one is being forced into it, and it's done properly.

RadiantSoul · 2013-07-21, 12:37

To me, marriage is purely economical. Everything you can do with your wife, you can pretty much do with someone you aren't married to. That's why I can't say I'm exactly against arranged marriage. I believe two people and grow fond of each other over time, even if it doesn't start that way.

animeisinteresting · 2013-07-21, 13:25

My experiences with arranged marriages have to do with my Indian friends. Similar to what Crashmaking said but with a few differences. Both the bride and groom were born and bred in the US and both have Ivy league educations.

I am a friend of the bride and this is what happened from what I saw and either party had the option of calling it off at any time.

1.) First step from what I know was the word was put out the parents were looking for a groom.

2.) Someone who had the same educational and economic backgrounds.

3.) Next thing they looked for was if the other party had a good family. (parent's were not divorced, no excessive drinking, gambling) etc.

4.) Pictures were exchanged.

5.) The opinion of both parties was sought if they'd like to meet the other person.

6.) After both parties applied in the affirmative, a meeting was arranged.

7.) Spent the next 18 mths getting to know each other.

8.) Got married.

From my understanding this is how arranged marriages are conducted these days among the middle class.

walkofshane · 2013-08-18, 08:08

This is interesting. They do have a lot of time to get to know each other so at least they won't be getting into the marriage not knowing anything about the partner.

Quote:

Originally Posted by animeisinteresting

My experiences with arranged marriages have to do with my Indian friends. Similar to what Crashmaking said but with a few differences. Both the bride and groom were born and bred in the US and both have Ivy league educations.

I am a friend of the bride and this is what happened from what I saw and either party had the option of calling it off at any time.

1.) First step from what I know was the word was put out the parents were looking for a groom.

2.) Someone who had the same educational and economic backgrounds.

3.) Next thing they looked for was if the other party had a good family. (parent's were not divorced, no excessive drinking, gambling) etc.

4.) Pictures were exchanged.

5.) The opinion of both parties was sought if they'd like to meet the other person.

6.) After both parties applied in the affirmative, a meeting was arranged.

7.) Spent the next 18 mths getting to know each other.

8.) Got married.

From my understanding this is how arranged marriages are conducted these days among the middle class.

Fireminer · 2013-08-18, 09:46

Well, in Vietnam, arranged marriage is not that pleasant like Japan. Children from minority ethinics communities was forced to marry when they were 13-16. Sometime, even with their relatives.

I wish that somehow we could just found a way to get rid of that fact in Vietnam.

2013-05-15, 01:21	Link #103
SaintessHeart NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~ Join Date: Nov 2007 Age: 35	If I am that pedo, I would have lots of fun with you and not bother with what others say. Pedoes don't feel sorry for the lolis they have. Aniki hogoshas do though, but they are a rare bunch. __________________ When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus. Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.

2013-05-15, 02:39	Link #104
Ridwan Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: قلوب المؤمنين	I'm just saying that people of developing countries don't need to feel all inferior that their country being poor enough for unfortunate things like that happening in where they live. Not only that these are not that meaningfully more frequent in where they live then in the so called first world overall, but that the self-depreciating culture is by and in itself a worrying indication regarding their national self-esteem and simply not a wagon one should ever jump into. __________________

2013-05-15, 03:00	Link #105
EroKing Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Age: 38	It's funny because as a child the parents teach you not to talk to or follow strangers and when you grow up expect you to marry one Well, imho, it's better to marry the devil you know than the one you don't __________________

2013-07-21, 10:16	Link #110
Crashmaking Zoomatic Umu. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: United States	As an Indian, I have a lot of experience with arranged marriages. Not directly, but I've heard stories considering how prevalent it is among the majority of my relatives overseas. I'm quite Americanized, so I would never consider it, but I think it has its merits as long as it's done correctly. In my family, arranged marriages aren't simply a case of pairing two people up at random. Then again, a majority of my family is 'upper class', so it's probably different among the lower classes, but through arranged marriages, they can search for people with proper qualifications for their daughter or son. So once their child is at the right age, and is ready to be settled (they often tell their parents when they're ready), they start the search and look for people that match their child's wants in education, appearance, and so on so forth until they've found a likely match. Then, their horoscopes are matched to make sure that they're compatible (now, I'm not a believer in astrology, but my family definitely is...). After this stage, the family's meet and the two are introduced to one another, and generally strike up a friendly relationship (or don't). It's their decision whether they want to marry the other or not, but I won't say there isn't a lot of familial pressure at times. On one hand, my grandparents had an arranged marriage and they've never, -ever- gotten along, but they still support it wholeheartedly. On the other hand, my parents had a 'love marriage', and there isn't really any love there either. But I've seen people of both kinds of marriages have love towards one another, so at this point, I can't say arranged marriages are wrong as long as no one is being forced into it, and it's done properly. __________________

2013-07-21, 08:34	Link #108
walkofshane Member Join Date: Jun 2013	I guess many arranged marriages work because people who go into it do not really have high expectations for their partners. They have mutual, genuine respect for each other and not a lot of unrealistic demands. Unlike in common romantic relationships ^^; As for me, I have not thought about it. But I heard that when I was very young, my godfather wanted to arrange marriage between me and his son. Thankfully, my father didn't agree

2013-07-21, 09:41	Link #109
DonQuigleone Knight Errant Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Dublin, Ireland Age: 35	Arranged Marriages seem a bit too random for me to put much trust in them. You're basically going to end up with someone random, and it would be very easy to end out with someone you have 0 physical attraction for (not to mention incompatible personalities...). Marriage sight unseen seems rather foolish. However I could see benefits of certain types of Arranged Marriage where the two individuals are only introduced. I'd go for that. No weirder then randomly meeting at a bar, or through online dating.

2013-07-21, 12:37	Link #111
RadiantSoul Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2013	To me, marriage is purely economical. Everything you can do with your wife, you can pretty much do with someone you aren't married to. That's why I can't say I'm exactly against arranged marriage. I believe two people and grow fond of each other over time, even if it doesn't start that way.

2013-07-21, 13:25	Link #112
animeisinteresting Member Join Date: Jul 2013	My experiences with arranged marriages have to do with my Indian friends. Similar to what Crashmaking said but with a few differences. Both the bride and groom were born and bred in the US and both have Ivy league educations. I am a friend of the bride and this is what happened from what I saw and either party had the option of calling it off at any time. 1.) First step from what I know was the word was put out the parents were looking for a groom. 2.) Someone who had the same educational and economic backgrounds. 3.) Next thing they looked for was if the other party had a good family. (parent's were not divorced, no excessive drinking, gambling) etc. 4.) Pictures were exchanged. 5.) The opinion of both parties was sought if they'd like to meet the other person. 6.) After both parties applied in the affirmative, a meeting was arranged. 7.) Spent the next 18 mths getting to know each other. 8.) Got married. From my understanding this is how arranged marriages are conducted these days among the middle class.

2013-08-18, 09:46	Link #114
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Well, in Vietnam, arranged marriage is not that pleasant like Japan. Children from minority ethinics communities was forced to marry when they were 13-16. Sometime, even with their relatives. I wish that somehow we could just found a way to get rid of that fact in Vietnam.