Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Character Creation and Discussion (second reincarnation)

[TerranReaper]

Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty

Perhaps you should explain in detail the alternative history of this Earth in detail so as to avoid any extraneous commentary. As it stands, this history will leave your readers confused as to how different everything is, as we as a community are far more familiar with a contemporary Earth rather than a technologically advanced one.

I'll keep that in mind. If I were to give a full history, it would make me look like a history teacher. Perhaps short questions should do.

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

Originally Posted by TerranReaper

I'll keep that in mind. If I were to give a full history, it would make me look like a history teacher. Perhaps short questions should do.

Welcome to Outer Cadia... where we're insane enough that we actually go into this stuff quite in depth.

I would suggest that you DO get into depth and History Teacher-like with your stuff. A good strong History gives your story and characters lots of depth, and an interesting, human background.

[Kha]

If anything, avoid hyperspace. I'm not against advanced nanotechnology, but anything else seems too much a jump for 7 years. (its 2008 now, and Nanoha is a kind of "Real Robo" type of anime)

[Tk3997]

Originally Posted by Kha

If anything, avoid hyperspace. I'm not against advanced nanotechnology, but anything else seems too much a jump for 7 years. (its 2008 now, and Nanoha is a kind of "Real Robo" type of anime)

I however am against it mostly because Nano machines are normally used by hacks to more or less be magic without having to use the "M" word. Nano tech will not be massively more advanced in ten years then it is today and not in any sort of widespread use either.

[TerranReaper]

Hmm...perhaps your ideas might help me expand a bit. If I am not to use nanotech, what can I give my character or perhaps the humans in my fanfic the ability to travel to Mid-Childa and be good enough at the same time without overly fancy tech?

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

Originally Posted by TerranReaper

Hmm...perhaps your ideas might help me expand a bit. If I am not to use nanotech, what can I give my character or perhaps the humans in my fanfic the ability to travel to Mid-Childa and be good enough at the same time without overly fancy tech?

Crashlanded alien spacecraft?

Oh wait... been done to DEATH...

[Tk3997]

Originally Posted by TerranReaper

Hmm...perhaps your ideas might help me expand a bit. If I am not to use nanotech, what can I give my character or perhaps the humans in my fanfic the ability to travel to Mid-Childa and be good enough at the same time without overly fancy tech?

Umm how about you consider that the earth will never advance enough in less then a decade to fight an interplanetary power with space battleships? Oh you mean BESIDES that?

[Arkeus]

Especially as if it goes that route, Midchilda has a lot of different weapons that can lay Earth to Waste in a few minutes.

And even if Earth can do the same to Midchilda, TSAB is more than one planet, and headquarter is quite safe.

[tshouryuu]

What we are trying to say is that we need more information. Alot more. Giving us a full history is actually better so that we can help you refine your stuff.

[Tempy]

Originally Posted by TerranReaper

Hmm....a high ranking official.....this should be interesting. He'll be running the the Terran Space Force Command and coordinating attacks from his space cruiser Saratoga.

Name: Kiethon Marshall
Rank: Fleet Admiral
Gender: Male
Looks: Crew cut hairstyle, tall, blue eyes, sharp chin and nose, looks that say "I'm in charge"
Alignment: Chaotic Good (He favors battle)
Personality: Outgoing, calm, kind (especially to Vita), military leader
Powers: None as he is a human. So his only form of attacks are a railgun and energy blade
Background: He is a mix of American and Japanese. Kiethon spent his life in the Okinawa Marine Academy. As young as 12 he went into battles against rebels that resided on Mars. He is quite outstanding and prefers to do fight on the battlefield rather than just sit back and give commands. During the age of 29 he became Fleet Admiral of the Terran Space Force Command and that was when most of his troubles occured. He had to curb the outbreak of Alpha Strain virus mutants rampaging Earth and deal with an unknown cruiser (a TSAB cruiser) that strayed into Terran-controlled space. Of course, he messed up and accidentally sent a negotiator who was an Alpha Strain hive to Mid-Childa to hear explanations on why they intruded Terran-controlled space. You know what happens next.
Command ship: TSF Titan-class battle cruiser Saratoga
Military Regiment he owns: ZOCOM (equivalent to Mobile Section 6)

Ooookay. Now that I have some free time to give this a deeper read through...

According to this, he's 29 years old. Taking the date of MC0075 (2015) means he'd be born in 1986. This also means that in 1998, Mars is already colonized, there's rebels there starting trouble, and Earth technology is advanced enough at the time to allow rapid travel between planets. Nanoha is two years old then. Then your character, at twelve years old, went to war? How far has humanity fallen to willingly allow children to engage in war? What is the significance of him being of Japanese and American ancestry? So many questions, not enough information.

You just said in 2009, the nanotechnology was introduced, giving it six years to mature to that state. This is hellishly fast. I'm looking outside and I don't see that technology. I'm watching Nanoha and I don't see it happening either. This timeline has to be explained. Be a history teacher if you have to, but leaving this unanswered will garner only questions and headaches. You cannot just create an entire alternate universe and expect us to accept it. Debates have been spurned for even smaller issues than entire histories being changed.

What is the TSAB doing at a planet that has no magical power? Wouldn't they know of the tech level when they picked up Nanoha? The Bureau should be well aware of Earth then; the events of the first and second season had the TSAB taking positions ON EARTH during those times.

These issues are only what I see with a 4AM mindset. Someone who's more awake and more sober is bound to find more problems.

[Arkeus]

Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty

What is the TSAB doing at a planet that has no magical power? Wouldn't they know of the tech level when they picked up Nanoha? The Bureau should be well aware of Earth then; the events of the first and second season had the TSAB taking positions ON EARTH during those times.

These issues are only what I see with a 4AM mindset. Someone who's more awake and more sober is bound to find more problems.

Actually, we know that they had constant contact with earth as recently as when nanoha was 15- 4 years ago.

That looks really weird.

[TerranReaper]

I'm gonna change somethings. Perhaps a bit of that in my fanfic as well to make it more relevant. Still, I'll tell you Earth's military background. The military funded the scientists to built a prototype portal which should be able to teleport things to designated locations (got this idea from Doom 3). Now just because the Terrans colonized Mars, they think that they control the Solar System. Hey, egos run in politicians and military leaders, don't they? They spot this TSAB cruiser in the system for unknown reasons of their own and they want to know why so they sent this negotiator via portal. Seems more relevant. Can anyone guess how many space cruisers the military has? I give you a range between 10-20. If there are any irrelevance or if you have a better idea, do tell

Spoiler for Explaination 1:

The Mark I teleport is a prototype teleport that teleports people to the desired locations. Aside from the rough ride and nauseating vortex field, it is pretty successful. Anything can go through it except ships and buildings and it can hold for 5 hours before closing. Recharge time takes no longer than 6 hours but it does consume large amounts of energy, more than half of the amount the Large Hadron Collider uses to be precise. To send one single negotiator with a hive of viruses in him means he can infect Mid-Childa in a large scale even before the Terran military arrives after 5 hours or so. If there were to be a war, Mid-Childa will be in no condition to fight. I'm talking about a mutant virus, not HIV or some common virus. As for Chrono's interest in the Solar System, he's just looking for a place for mages to do isolated training. Should have picked Europa if you asked me.

Spoiler for Explaination 2:

Earth does own 16 cruisers armed with railguns and missile turrets. Railguns are powerful enough to puncture TSAB ships but Terran space cruisers are weak for the researchers have not find a way to toughen up titanium armor so Terran cruisers are susceptible to attacks such as the Arc-En-Ciel or super attacks, not minute magic shots like Divine Buster (as if anyone would try). This does not seem too advanced or irrelevant. If you must know how the Terrans find Mid-Childa, think of the Hubble. It can peer at planets but not into it so to put it this way, they found a TSAB cruiser orbiting Mid-Childa and suspected that to be their homeworld. Let the mathematicians do the calculating of coordinates, input it into the teleport and you'll get to the place you want.

[Tk3997]

Originally Posted by TerranReaper

Spoiler for Explaination 2:

Earth does own 16 cruisers armed with railguns and missile turrets. Railguns are powerful enough to puncture TSAB ships but Terran space cruisers are weak for the researchers have not find a way to toughen up titanium armor so Terran cruisers are susceptible to attacks such as the Arc-En-Ciel or super attacks, not minute magic shots like Divine Buster (as if anyone would try). This does not seem too advanced or irrelevant. If you must know how the Terrans find Mid-Childa, think of the Hubble. It can peer at planets but not into it so to put it this way, they found a TSAB cruiser orbiting Mid-Childa and suspected that to be their homeworld. Let the mathematicians do the calculating of coordinates, input it into the teleport and you'll get to the place you want.

I'm tired, but this bit here is just... So let me get this right they found Mid... with a big telescope? -_-

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

Originally Posted by TerranReaper

Spoiler for Explaination 1:

The Mark I teleport is a prototype teleport that teleports people to the desired locations. Aside from the rough ride and nauseating vortex field, it is pretty successful. Anything can go through it except ships and buildings and it can hold for 5 hours before closing. Recharge time takes no longer than 6 hours but it does consume large amounts of energy, more than half of the amount the Large Hadron Collider uses to be precise. To send one single negotiator with a hive of viruses in him means he can infect Mid-Childa in a large scale even before the Terran military arrives after 5 hours or so. If there were to be a war, Mid-Childa will be in no condition to fight. I'm talking about a mutant virus, not HIV or some common virus. As for Chrono's interest in the Solar System, he's just looking for a place for mages to do isolated training. Should have picked Europa if you asked me.

First off, why would anyone stoop to biological warfare... it's BY FAR the most illogically dangerous kinds of warfare out there. Engineered virus or not, Viri MUTATE... and the wrong mutation and you kill your own people... in fact. You probably kill your own people anyway as any virus you want to hurt your foe is engineered to hurt humans.

Next, 'holding' the portal means constant feed. So to hold the portal open for five hours requires a charge of six for the energy surpluss. Thus, a shorter time, say, ten minutes, would take fifteen or so to charge for.

Spoiler for Explaination 2:

Earth does own 16 cruisers armed with railguns and missile turrets. Railguns are powerful enough to puncture TSAB ships but Terran space cruisers are weak for the researchers have not find a way to toughen up titanium armor so Terran cruisers are susceptible to attacks such as the Arc-En-Ciel or super attacks, not minute magic shots like Divine Buster (as if anyone would try). This does not seem too advanced or irrelevant. If you must know how the Terrans find Mid-Childa, think of the Hubble. It can peer at planets but not into it so to put it this way, they found a TSAB cruiser orbiting Mid-Childa and suspected that to be their homeworld. Let the mathematicians do the calculating of coordinates, input it into the teleport and you'll get to the place you want.

[/QUOTE]

Mid-childa's not even in the same dimension. The Hubble won't find it. Ever.

Let's halt on the details, they make my brain hurt more than I made people's minds hurt arguing the Political and Cultural issues of certain equipment.

What's your PREMISE?

[Sheba]

Originally Posted by Tempest Dynasty

Ooookay. Now that I have some free time to give this a deeper read through...

According to this, he's 29 years old. Taking the date of MC0075 (2015) means he'd be born in 1986. This also means that in 1998, Mars is already colonized, there's rebels there starting trouble, and Earth technology is advanced enough at the time to allow rapid travel between planets. Nanoha is two years old then. Then your character, at twelve years old, went to war? How far has humanity fallen to willingly allow children to engage in war? What is the significance of him being of Japanese and American ancestry? So many questions, not enough information.
.

I can think of one reason why there are 12 y/o soldiers:

- Conflicts in third world countries, namely Africa, Afghanistan, some places in South East Asia or South America. HOWEVER, this shit happened in SEA, and South America like... in the 1970s! Now we know how much these countries have changed in the light of the globalization,in general. Maybe today, we could point to africa. Another point is WHO would employ child soldiers. The answer is very easy, guerilla and militias drafting "expandable" grunts, namely the child soldiers, not professional armies.

So, yeah, the japanese + american being soldier at 12 is kinda pushing it a bit too much.

And I don't see armed conflicts blooming all over Mars when it just got colonized. Maybe in a century when it gets enough money and power to claim independance from Earth.

[arkhangelsk]

Darn! Everyone got in ahead of me. But perhaps I'll just conclude it.

Perhaps a better idea would be to give up any thoughts of this happening on Earth. Surely, there is more than enough space in the TSAB areas for you to make a power like that. Say Non-Management world 98. You can even keep the name of the main character and might get away with using a bunch of Terran influences. I mean, when even Mid has former Japanese living on it and all that...

Still, it reeks a lot of the Erusia experience, and nanotech really isn't that cool for building buildings even if you can get it to work.

Ignoring the whole Earth thing for now to look at the rest of the concept.

The 12-Year Old Bit: If you don't insist it is on Earth, it becomes somewhat more palatable. Anyone blasting your new world too harshly would need to take swipes at Midchildra too, because looking at their ID cards, just about all of them started at similar ages (and we hoped against hope that this was some kind of exception due to our Aces being uber elite... anyway)

But really, you should think about what advantages will it do to the story to have him start out at 12? What will it lose if he started out at say 18? Your character isn't even female so that young, cute teenager thing doesn't even apply

And though he is in SpaceFleet and a Fleet Admiral, why does it sound like he was an infantryman in the description? Is it just me?

Fleet Admiral at 29 bit: He has 17 years in the armed forces at this point, if we ignore his starting age and assume he started out as an officer (which may say something about the "quality" of officer training in your force). By a typical US/British promotion curve with its limited flex, he'll be the captain of a single ship right about now. If you use a Soviet/Russian curve, and he's Fleet Admiral material, he'll be advancing faster (officers of more average ability advance at more "Western" speeds), but still only maybe a Rear Admiral at most.

Of course, a Rear Admiral might conceivably command a force of 20 ships. So...

But to begin with, if Fleet Admiral means what it means here, then this is some rank inflation. 20 Ships. Why does it need a fleet admiral?

Think about this detail a bit.

The War in General: So, another RG+missile conventional weaponry vs MGLN magic thing. The problem is that it is hard to find a set of assumptions (leaving aside their canonical adherence) that won't make one side or another totally helpless.

For example, from what we can see, Mid naval weapons have ridiculously short ranges. If your RGs and missiles are designed properly, outranging them won't be very hard.

And if you assume that your RGs and missiles can do real damage to the Middie ships, it'll start looking really one sided even if we assume the Mids can do much more damage (within reason). But if you assume they can't do damage then it'll look really one-sided in the other direction.

Similar basic relationships apply for the ground war as well.

Then there are the tricks, the biggest of which is teleportation, which I presume your power won't have. MGLN does show some of the tactical possibilities there, but it also shows that the TSAB is not using its abilities.

[Kha]

As Kagerou noted, it resembles AlphaS in title and with the technical specifics used. Then again, infection and control isn't very new an idea of pop culture. There might be a chance that TR has a good idea, just set in the wrong dimension or context, as Ark said.

[TerranReaper]

Originally Posted by Kha

As Kagerou noted, it resembles AlphaS in title and with the technical specifics used. Then again, infection and control isn't very new an idea of pop culture. There might be a chance that TR has a good idea, just set in the wrong dimension or context, as Ark said.

Further noted. Thx. Just out of curiosity, should I continue my current fanfic because i have a much better and relevant story. If you agree, then there is a new antagonist waiting to be unleashed

[XenahortCharybdis]

2 sets of 4 words:

Do. As. You. Like.

But. Don't. Get. Careless.

...

And one more:

Outer. Cadia. Is. Watching.

[Jimmy C]

Originally Posted by TerranReaper

i have a much better and relevant story. If you agree, then there is a new antagonist waiting to be unleashed

Before you do that, please watch (or rewatch) the first two seasons of Nanoha and pay attention! We can forgive you for not knowing details in the manga or sound stages, but to overlook points that are blatantly obvious in the anime? Such as the true state of the connection between Earth and the TSAB.