fanfic - Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu

[sleeplessNites]

This story is a mod of a yuutsu chapter

Spoiler for The Date of Suzumiya Haruhi:

The hot weather was awakening the sleepy spirit delved within my soul.

I turned around. Haruhi who was seated behind me, gazed lazily towards the sun with her hand on the chin.

"Are you absorbing solar energy?" I asked.

"Stop uttering nonsense!" Haruhi scoffed in an unusually lethargic tone without looking at me. What had gotten into her? She looked as though Solar God had consumed her vigor. Oh well, her lifelessness would probably translate to a peaceful day, at least for Asahina-san and myself. However, there was a dreaded omen lurking at the back of my head. That, I could neither explain nor dismiss.

"Kyon-kun." A gentle whisper transmitted warmth into my ear, warmth enough to send my heart fluttering to Heaven's door. Seated beside me was someone graded AA+ by Taniguchi sensei who was detested by Cupid-san. Setting sight towards the voice only to find a pair of luscious eyes sparking acknowledgement of my reproductive calibre. If you found the earlier statement incomprehensible, it probably meant that you are underage. Just kidding, I was suppose to be a first year high school student.

"I have a problem." Asakura Ryouko went on while her palms clasped together in front of her chest.

"Problem? A mere student bordering the passing grade is of no help to you." I feigned ignorance.

"This is a problem only you can resolve." Her fingers began to spread apart and slid into gaps between them, forming a pray-like gesture.

"Why me? I don't get it." Did all adolescent boys pretend like I did? I wondered.

"If it's fine with you, can we meet when lessons are over? I mean my place." She smiled shyly while her cheeks flushed in pink, gradually.

Hmm... her place. Her place!? Why of all places on earth did she invite me over to her place? While I was gazing beyond the Heaven's door, murderous intent was creeping up the back of my seat. At the same time, Asakura frame was growing bigger, she was gaining distance on me, advancing slowly towards my face. Her shimmering eyes were welling up with tears.

"I am begging you, please ..." Half way through her words, my pretentious wall caved in. I reached out to her shoulder with my arm as a gesture of assurance and ...

"boo-ing."

Her shoulder was surprisingly soft and tender. Wait! Where did the bones go?

As I fiddled thoroughly on the unidentified object out of curiosity, a familiar yet murderous voice descended.

"Take your filthy hand away!"

Like thunder struck into my ears, I was shocked back to senses. Raising my head, I saw the back of a student girl sporting a yellow ribbon across her hair. I lowered my vision, in front of my eyes was the sight of a hand groping Haruhi's butt. Whoever the owner of that hand was, he was certainly worthy of my admiration to take on the tyrannic Haruhi. Upon a closer examination, that was none other than my own hand. It flinched like a basketball player who was going for a 3 pointer realized that a porcupine was in his hands. Hey! Wasn't Haruhi's butt the culprit which sexually harassed my hand? Why did she physically interject the conversation in the first place?

"Stay away from him! He's mine! I saw him first!" Haruhi proclaimed.

Wait a minute, have I became your possession!? I would be tossed out of the window and ran over by a car if I actually said that. I was not submitting to her tyranny, but fuelling an erupting volcano-san was never my intention. I was pretty sure Asakura would be dumbfounded or she would attempted to explain in vain to Haruhi's childish logic like any normal high school girl would. I was wrong.

"That was the first time you spoke to me. I am honoured." Asakura responded victoriously.

Did I mention victorious? Didn't that make me the loser? Was I just a foolish adolescent catalyst blinded by lust? No! That was too unscientific. Therefore, I would pretend that it had never happened The Haruhi standing before me was not a human, but a bull seeing red and was about to charge against her victim. I took that back, she was not a human to begin with.

"hmph!" Haruhi sneered and stomped back to her seat. She regained the sun-gazing posture and mumbled something like "stupid roach." Dark cloud started shrouding the sky as though the mighty sun was seeking refuge from the fearsome Haruhi's stare.

"Kyon, there is someone looking for you. He's waiting at the door" That was Kunikida. I looked out of the door and found Koizumi waving with a cellphone in his hand. I glanced at Haruhi before heading out. She was the same statue since I last saw her.

It was only when I got closer to Koizumi that I noticed his usual smile came with a touch of chill. Standing beside him were the 2 remaining members of World Savior Club; teary-eyed Asahina-san and stoic Nagato. Including Haruhi, we were also known as the famous 5 troublemakers of the notorious club which was named after its leader and her eccentricities. Not only have we not save an ant, we ought to be thankful that the World did not explode due to an overload of fun.

"Bad news." Koizumi said while the smile on his face slowly vanished.

"What can be worse than Haruhi throwing senseless tantrums?"

"A Meteor Storm is showering Earth soon." Koizumi's voice sounded very serious.

"According to information from my headquarters, its course was altered for unforeseen reasons." Koizumi added.

What is he getting at? I don't have a clue. More importantly, what has the universe dumping stones on Earth got to do with me?. Even if I were stuck in a phone booth for a day, I wouldn't find my way out without a red undergarment on the outside.

"This disaster has everything to do with you, Kyon." Koizumi responded while wearing a freakish grin. I could almost believe that he is an esper.

"Do you mind explaining the situation?" Koizumi gestured towards Nagato.

"Approximately 10 minutes and 45 seconds ago, a paranormal diverging electromagnetic data explosion had been observed. The Leonids meteor stream orbit had been phenomenally altered to intersect planet Earth. Initial point of contact will be North High in exactly 47 hours and 49 minutes and the world become uninhabitable shortly after that . In other words, the countdown clock to End-of-the-World had started ticking." Nagato paused and stared at the ceiling.

After 10 seconds of uneasy silence, Nagato resumed ...

"Correction. Time to first impact now stands at 23 hours and 48 minutes. The interplanetary system disruptive source was traced back to Suzumiya-san; the emotionally disordered patient. Time is running out as we speak, therefore, I will be blunt. You are the cure." In her eyes, I saw the reflection of myself.

"Let me get this straight. A meteor storm is about to blow Earth up and I, the preassigned superhero shall save the world?" This summary is easily obtainable by throwing out all the complicated words. You don't have to praise me.

"Yes." Koizumi, Nagato and Asahina-sans' replied unanimously. Their instant responses took me by surprise.

"What am I suppose to do? Grab the nearest trash bin, fill it up with water, stuff the culprit into it and lock it tight?"

"Date Haruhi?" Asahina-san suggested with a simper.

For unknown reasons, that suggestion weighted like a large meteorite had already fallen on me.

-

Indoor Club Activities were cancelled for that day. Asking Haruhi out is as simple as showing her a picture of E.T.( lol ) Please figure out the details yourself. Okay, if you insists. I told her that the picture was taken near the train station we were at the other day. Haruhi burst into her usual enthusiastic self and I got a date.

Haruhi appeared in front of the train station and was walking towards the spot I had been standing for the past 30 minutes. This was the second time we met there, only this time, it was just the two of us. Asahina-san, Nagato and Koizumi had excused themselves with stomach-ache, headache and butt-ache respectively.

A gust of wind sent her white knee-length dress fluttering. She modestly held the dress with one hand while the other hand held on to her hair. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of her with my back against the wind. I could not explain my erratic behaviour. Was that breath taking sight a localized version of Marilyn Monroe's infamous ground blowing scene? Not quite, She demostrated a greater sense of innocence and elegance. Something is amiss! Hmmm .. let me see .... ahhh ... as i suspected, according to my dictionary, Haruhi is anything but modest, innocent and elegant. In other words, this person standing before me isn't Haruhi.

"uhh ... Haru~hi?"

"Kyon-kun. Sorry to keep you waiting" she said as her apologetic eyes contacted mine. I gulped down a mouthful of saliva.

"ahhh ... i have just arrived. ... By the way, that's a pretty dress." I had been admiring the lamppost behind her as I said that. What the hell am i saying!

"Let's go" Haruhi said shyly.

We were walking along the park where Asahina-san spoke about her identity. There was hardly anyone else there. I must admit that walking under the blazing sun sucked. At that moment, a bunny pantingly ran towards us with an ice-cream cone in her hand. She wasn't in the kind of bunny costume that Asahina-san had, but a fully covered furred one that left only her face exposed.

"uh ... today is ... errr .... Mall's Ice-cream 50th anniversary and we are giving away ice-cream. Please have one." she shoved it onto my hand while looking on the floor. Before I could respond, she bowed and said "Thank you." She turned around and ran away. All I had managed was sending her off visually.

"kyaa ..." she fell flat on her face, picked herself up frantically and sprinted off like a real bunny.

That figure looked familiar, I thought. If the ice-cream weren't consumed soon, it would have melted.

"Here, you can have it." I handed it out to Haruhi.

"Well, the weather is hot ... and you are perspiring ... I don't mind sharing it with you ... err ... you can have the first bite." Haruhi said. Her eyes shifted down as though there was a 10,000 Yen note lingering on the floor.

With courtesy out of the way, I was about to grab a gigantic bite when a pair of gluttonous eyes were telling me to hold back. As a result, I settled for a nibble and handed it over to Haruhi. She had the cone rotated 180° and took a morsel. As I watched her feasted, a piece of ice-creaming began to slip off the cone. A precious resource in a weather like this should not be wasted, I dived towards the falling piece to save it with every ounce of energy available. Saltish! I had licked on Haruhi's fingers instead. She took a step back. Her cheeks were pink and she looked rather cute.

"Sorry, that isn't my intention, I am ..." My explanation was snipped.

"I am fine, I understand ... but next time .... . I do like to know in advance." Her voice had been fading as she stammered.

I could not describe her facial expression because my head had dipped into the ground like an ostrich.

-

Ostrich-san retained its embarrassed posture until a polymorphic tone caught his attention. It was my cellphone message tone exclusively reserved for cute senders. The message displayed "Please keep it up. Your angel." At the end of the message was an adorable Asahina-san emoticon telling me "You can do it!" The message brought me up on two feet like battery to a dead bunny. I felt like I could do just about anything in the world. Thank you, my angel. The phone battery was nearly flat, I had forgotten to charge it yesterday. Around a 100 metres ahead was a silhouette of a bunny chasing after a man. Instead of bothering myself with minor stuff like that, I should find Haruhi first because she had disappeared. Why did she ran away? Was it because I tried to steal her ice-cream?

I wandered around a busy street in search for Haruhi. I had always wondered whether the sun was controlled by someone who really hated me, someone who was born to torture me constantly. Luckily, I was blessed with the Man's greatest invention; Air-Conditioners. I went into an accessory shop, ahem, a woman accessory shop to be precise. While I enjoying the luxurious conditioned air, I pretended to look for a gift for my girlfriend; as though I had one. There was a white hair-clip with bold brown characters "S.O.S" that caught my attention. Although it is not my personality to pick gifts for girls, I decided to wrap that clip up anyway. You know, to get suspicious stares off my back.

I sat on a wooden bench under a tree after a tiring futile rummage around town for Haruhi. It wasn't long before I dozed off. When my eyes reopened, the surroundings were quavering. I jumped up in shock and instinctively shouted "Earthquake! Take cover!" While most gazed at me distastefully, an elementary school boy floored with hands behind his head.

"Stop dreaming, moron!" Haruhi's voice was heard from behind. Apparently, it was her shaking me up. The boy who had gotten back up by then, rudely finger-gestured before running off. "Hey! Learn some manners kid."

"Where have you been? I was looking all over for you."

"Don't steal my line and where did you look for me? In your dreams?" Haruhi scowled in her good old manner. She dragged my sleeve and started walking.

"Where are we going?"

"There!" she thrust her index finger towards a billboard across the street which painted a picture of some Zombies and Ghouls, titled "Resident Devil". I didn't know that she is a fan of horror and action films.

"What about the other one next to it, Shupple" I pointed at an adjacent billboard, suggestively. Five girls in mini maid costumes were definitely worthy of my money, more so than creepy crawlies at least. I found myself in a huge mansion, surrounded by bouncy boobies , the atmosphere were filled with cute voices of:
Maid A:>"Master, please have tea."
Maid B:>"Master, please remember to eat breakfast, or you will not grow up healthily."
Maid C:>"Master, please let me put on your ..."
Me:>"OUCH!!!" Haruhi smashed my lovely bubble with an animus foot stamp.

"The creature we are looking for is hidden in the theatre running the horror film!" Haruhi furiously said.

"How did you know that?"

"A woman's intuition! Since I am the leader, you will take my word for it!" She looked like savage tiger ready to munch me for dinner.

I could no longer tolerate her volatile temper. If it wasn't for Asahina-san, I would have kicked her in the butt.

"I will n..." I felt a sudden itch in my throat "agree!" Sound of a small plastic object fell onto the floor was heard. It was a plastic bullet used by air guns. I visually surveyed the surrounding area but nothing suspicious was found. I swore that I would stuff this middle finger of mine into whichever asshole shot at my neck.

"Of course, my commands are absolute." Haruhi said arrogantly. Her merciless words sent a helpless soul who had just seen the light after a thousand years of endless ascend back into the manhole of miserable darkness. Goodbye, my humble servants.

"............"

-

Seated on the front row, middle section were two idiots dying to blind themselves. I did protest against that idea, to which Haruhi refuted:

"You pathetic novice! The best seats are the front row ones, those seats would create an atmosphere so realistic that we are almost part of the film!" Her persuasive face resembled that of an insurance agent who is convincing her client to sign on the dotted line. All other viewers occupied the rear rows of the middle section obviously did not agree. When I was a kid, I watched a spaceship battle film in the front row. I had a ride home in an ambulance because my neck was sprained trying to follow all the laser beams.

A quiet night, a woman in her early 20s was scooping out pumpkin flesh in a kitchen. She had a long black tail, pointy cat ears and was dressed as a maid with an apron. Was her husband a costume maniac? The movie screen began wavering horizontally, While it was approaching the woman, it passed by a table of candies, cotton wools and candles, splatters of fallen slimy objects were heard. When the woman notices its presence, her hands halted, slowly faced her body towards the screen andddDDD caressed its face:

Woman>"Honey, that is so adorable."
A green slimy humanoid covered in shredded bloody clothes came into screen.
Male Voice>"Are you ready for the costume party?"
The woman retracted her hand stained with a sticky residue like lifting fingers from a can of glue.
Woman>"Yucks! What's that shit on your face!?" she said grumpily.
Man>"Honey." The man tried to kiss the woman and was countered with a raising kick between his legs.
Man / Me>"ooh~hoo~~ bi~t~ch!" He collapsed onto the floor with his hands covering the assaulted organ. Cries were resonated behind me. Someday, I am going to rally guys up for a men-rights petition.

A bulky greenish hand smashed through a kitchen window, shattered glass turned the kitchen into a mess.
Woman>"Son of a b*tch!"
She dragged the infiltrator's greenish head with expectation of revealing the prankster's identity.
Sound Effect>"poke." Sound of a head separated from a doll's body.
The dismembered piece licked her wrist while the headless body struggling through the window.
"Ah~~~!" The woman screamed and tossed the head into a washing machine which automatically started spinning on impact. I was shocked by a deafening shriek attack from the left. Haruhi grabbed my left sleeve. Horror lovers afraid of horror sights was something I couldn't understand. Greenish liquid flew all over the place like an insane painting artist at work.

The woman fled towards a corridor leading to the back door while shouted "Hurry!" Sounds of shattering glass, wood breakage came from multiple directions. The woman picked up a shotgun from a secret compartment in the wall. She loaded the shotgun and made a huge hole on the stomach of an obstructing zombie. An empty shell ejected as she reloaded.
Woman>"One down."
Woman>"Two down." As she fired off another shot.
She aimed at the third.
Man>"No wait! It's me." He raised his hands and protested in fear.

The man staggered along her trail was obstructed by the ceiling which gave way in front of him. A zombie descended through that opening bared its fangs. My left triceps felt warmth, I glanced left and noticed Haruhi had cuddled around my arm. She could be rather adorable when she is terrified. The man looked behind him and saw more zombies closing in to him. He took a deep breath, seemingly calmed his nerves, he said to the zombie in front, "Look," he pointed an index finger towards the zombie and back to himself, "you , me," indicating his skin "green." finally pointed towards the woman behind it and said "Human." When the silly zombie turned around and he executed a monkey-crotch-grasped in a Bruce Lee composure.

Sound Effect>*Clank* Sound like a person knocks onto a lamppost.
Man>"Ouch! Iron balls freak!" He held his right hand in pain.
Woman>"Get down!" The woman reloaded and blew the zombie's head apart like squashing a watermelon.

The couple escaped from the house and ran along some narrow alleys before rested their backs on a wall in exhaustion. The screen turned to the direction they came from, it appeared that they had out ran the zombies. Paper drifted along a cold breeze reeked of decaying corpses. Ghastly growls terrorized one's fragile mind were driving up the frightful ambience. One by one, zombies emerged from the dimly lit back street and wavered towards the stationary couple like perverted old drunkards. I began worrying for the couple who did not appear to move.

It was still too early to give up hope! Get moving! I thought anxiously. A greenish rotten monster dripping slimy liquid from its riddled lower jaw had gotten dangerously close.

"Kyon." Haruhi's voice was filled with anxiety.

"Wait for a bit, we are at the climax."

"Kyon!" Haruhi's voice grew louder as she waggled my arm. At that moment, I was concealed under a huge shadow of the monster which was breathing on the face of my petrified body. A gunshot went off and a bright full moon greeted through the newly made hole. The monster collapsed alongside with my proud grasped of worldly knowledge. On my left was Haruhi with a shotgun in her hands looking at me in astonishment. That was when I realized that I was no longer in the cinema. I wanted to scream, but no voice came out. I wanted to reason, but there was no logic. Why was I here in this world of horror with Haruhi? The impatient zombies left me no option, except escaped hand in hand with Haruhi.

"Why are we here? Was it you, Haruhi?" The various absurd theories by the three abnormal beings at this point made some senses to me.

"If I possessed such ability, aliens, time travellers and espers would have appeared before me already. Idiot!" Haruhi hit me on the face with this big dilemma. Were Nagato, Koizumi and cute Asahina-san the actual liars?

I had no idea how long we had ran on these alleys, all I knew was that the monsters on our tail were growing. For the first time in my life, I was grateful to the weekday morning regime of going up the muscle nurturing slope to school, otherwise, I would have given up running due to a lack of stamina already. At the end of alley was a locked wooden door.

"We are cornered!" I shouted in panic. I need to calm down. Usually in such situations, one should look for a key under a carpet or flower pot.

"Boom!" The door knob flew several metres behind me.

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do." Haruhi grinned as the shotgun flipped onto her shoulder. If she wore on a pair of shades and held a cigar between her glossy lips, I betted gazillions of zombies would come screaming for autographs. We ran into the vacant house and obstructed our trail with any furniture worthy of an obstacle.

We were trapped in a garage and way back are full of zombies. In the garage, there were some guns, bullet clips as well as a scooter with the ignition key.

"What shall we do now?"

Even though we had no idea where we were, we had to get out of this hell or those monsters would get us in no time.

"Hop on!" Haruhi said as she started up the scooter.

"err mdm, what are your intentions?" Any sane guy would ask that question since there is no way out!

"We will just crash through the shutter, like movies always do." said Haruhi with utmost confidence. There are two things I liked to highlight. First, when you see a shutter, there is always a switch. Second, we are not cyborgs from the future, as such, crashing onto a metalic shutter had little difference with crashing onto concrete wall. I pressed the shutter switch and got behind Haruhi with my hands locked around her waist. The metalic curtain unveiled a swarm of drooling zombies welcoming our arrival like perverts who found their prey.

Without hesitation, Haruhi ramped straight through the pitiful zombies and had gotten us into the main road.

"Phew, we made it out alive." I said while wiping sweat from my face.

"That's pretty good riding skill. When did you get a licence?" I couldn't help asking.

"I didn't." She responded calmly. Usually, a guy in the pillion position might be titillated due to intimate body contact. In my case, balls had shrunk in preparation for a sudden crash.

"This is the second time I ride one. The first time was in the hills of Akina where I overtook a car over its top a week."

"Over its top? What do you mean?"

"Well, the car was skidding left and right, probably driven by a drunken old fool, I had no choice but to run over it from the top." Haruhi sounded like a kid who had snatched a toy from someone.

"Wow, that is very impressive." For the fact that the scooter was moving.

"Nah. It was just a white antique car with black stripe and was used by a tofu delivery service. Someone called those outdated cars 86s. Such road hogs are pains just by looking."

I remembered reading a article from a underground racing magazine that captioned 'King of Akina downhill on depression therapy treatment' recently. Are you thinking what I was thinking? No way! Haruhi could never beat him.

We travelled along the deserted road over a long time, not a single person was seen. It was like everyone had already evacuated. I took out my cellphone, the battery was flat. I tried to use a payphone, my shillings were not accepted. We was totally lost in an unfamiliar land. I have no information where we were or what to do next. We just kept riding on the never ending straight road.

"We are lost." I hopelessly said.

"What are you saying? While I do not know where we are, I do feel that going straight on this road will lead us back home."

"You seem to be calm even in situations like this. I guess nothing can stop you"

"Of course, I am the leader of SOS brigade after all. Well... obstacles do get in my way from time to time." I was surprised.

"Such as?"

"Boys who fail to understand the tender affections girls harbour for them."

"So... there is someone you like?"

"Not really."

"Well... a guy may have difficulties trying to understand a girl too."

"How should a girl profess love then?"

"well ... err ... perhaps she can write a love letter or prepare a love lunch box or something."

"Nah. It wouldn't work because that guy is a blockhead."

"I see .... that leaves only the conventional way."

"What conventional way?"

"Look out!" I shouted. The warning went too late, we rode off a broken bridge. The two of us were thrown off the scooter and were descending rapidly towards dark water down below. It was about time I wrote "The End" to my short 15 years alive. I shut my eyes towards the imminent death.

-

The road down to hell takes forever. Death is not frightening at all, it is the anticipation for an impending death that was ripping my sanity apart. There is a rumour that when a person is going to die, he tends to recall the important people in life. It doesn't naturally occurred to me, I guess, I can start thinking about it myself. Let me see, there are my hardworking parents who provided for me since I was born. My pesky little alarm clock sister. The eccentric Haruhi who totally changed my perceptual normal high school life. I became a founding member of this SOS club of weirdos:
Weirdo #1: The beautifully endowed, adorable yet caring Asahina-san aka the club's exclusive maid. If you wonder why anyone fitted the prior descriptions was called a weirdo, it is simply because she is too perfect to be real.
Weirdo #2: The petite, quiet and overly knowledgeable Nagato aka The Walking Encyclopaedia.
Weirdo #3: The wolf under sheep skin Koizumi whose smiles make me puke.

It is through Haruhi that I become an acquaintance of those weirdos. Together, we robbed a computer under her perpetration. Asahina-san was forced to parade in a luscious bunny costume with Haruhi at school entrance. With all these accomplishments under her belt, there's no way anyone will fall for her.

Today, she is a little different though, I can detect vague feminine emissions of a cute girl. Maybe she was trying to abduct the "alien" through seduction and forces it to ink a contract to become her boyfriend. That must be the reason. Even though she always display an unladylike front, I can tell, those actions are merely concealments of a shy girl deep inside. She was incapable of expressing her inner desires. With her physical attributes, getting a decent boyfriend is a breeze. She just needs a little initiatives and of course, stops being an oddball, after all, she is blessed with a lovely face and a complementing body. I wonder if those big boobies of hers are real as most girls wore push-up bras nowadays. Perhaps she was wearing those air-inflated bras. Wait. I get it now.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have found out the secret to Haruhi's behaviour.

Haruhi has washboard boobs inferior complex!

"Kyon, you are not making sense here" Haruhi looks rather confused.

"You don't have to lie any more, I won't laugh at you, everyone has flaws" I can't help feeling great now that I have gotten hold of her weakness!

"What do you mean I am lying? She scratches the back of her head.

"I will keep that a secret." She is really stubborn when it comes to admitting her flaw.

"I still have totally no clue what your point is." She looks very perplex.

"There. Those aren't real. Right?" My finger points at her breasts in anticipation of an embarrassed Haruhi saying "Please don't tell anyone, I'll be nice to you from now on." My lips have involuntarily grown into a grin.

"Ahhh... I see. So you think these are fakes? While I have no idea how you come to that conclusion, these are certainly authentic." Haruhi takes a deep breath and swiftly exhaled causing a couple of jiggles along her front-line.

Even if those jiggles, still, it doesn't prove anything. I mean, perhaps push-up bras are out of the question, that doesn't eliminate padded and air-inflated ones. I held my chin with my right hand in deep contemplation.

She steps forth until she is one foot away from me and says in a playful tone:
"hm~, you don't look convinced, do you?"

She seizes my hands with hers and rubs them against her bosoms like kneading dough in a graceful way. She asks flirtatiously: "Do they feel real?" Her cheeks blossom in shades of peach as she shyly glances at me by the corner of her eyes. I felt like my hands have shrunk on the warm delicate surfaces which are similar to that of soft fluffy steam buns. In other words, my theory is shattered at this point.

Rationality tells me that I should withdraw those hands now, but primitive instinct which stands in its way, is seeping its opponent into thin air through perspiration. I can't respond with the words "Yes, I firmly believe now" because my mouth has collected so much saliva that I can gargle. Even swallowing saliva isn't possible because I have dedicated remaining strength into sustaining oxygen flow of my lungs.

"I have to use my trump card after all" As soon as she finishes saying that, she takes a step backwards, raises her right arm which creates a little gap big enough for her left hand to penetrate and executes a pull-down action which sounds like unfastening a zip. The bodice of the white sleeveless dress seems to have loosen. She lifted both shoulder straps and pushes them outwards. As she straightens her arms downwards, the white dress slips down a slender torso to her ankles in a flash and undergarments made of laces are revealed. She bends slightly forward and a long deep cleavage becomes apparent. Her hands moves to her back, after some fidget movements, she stands back straight. As her hands come forward, a pair of juicy fruits bounce forth under the pinkish dangling bra.

In response to her trump card, my entire body comes to a halt. My eyes cannot blink, my nostrils malfunction, I cannot open my mouth or it will start splashing water despite my veins are raging in flame.

"Don't believe your eyes, use your hands." She sexily voices with a wink. As my hands slips behind the bra, under the aphrodisiac spell,

"Kyon, wake up! Kyon" Haruhi says in a distressing voice.

I slowly open my eyes and blocks the glaring sun with my hands. Beside the sun is Haruhi looking at me upside down with a pair of watery eyes , we are separated by 2 inverted molehills. I am lying on her laps.

"Are you crying?"

"No..I am not crying ... I thought you are dying. Don't ... leave me alone. Okay?" She is gasping and sniffing as she speaks in a husky voice.

"Don't cry. I am alive and kicking. Shit!" I want to calm her down by raising my leg, however, I noticed a little something protruding in my pants.

"Does your leg hu.. ahem .. hurt?" She clears her throat as she speaks and tries to raise her head.

"No! Wait! Look at me, Look into my eyes. Just stay like this for a little while." I can't let her know my little embarrassing fantasy.

She gently flicks strayed hair strands to the back of her left ear with her hand motion. Her face under the sunshine discloses an innocent smile befitting of an angel.

"Even layers of dust cannot conceal the angelic face of yours." Once a person starts bullshitting, he cannot stop. While I may sound like a cheater, the fact is that I am speaking the truth under the disguise of bullshit. As confusing as it may sound, I do mean what I say.

"mor~. Get serious." Haruhi retorts in an dissenting tone. Her cheeks flushes in pink and she fiddles my hair with a finger in circular motions. Her pupils are running left and right as though they are dodging mine.

"I was really worried about you earlier on, your face was burning red and drenched with sweat. For a moment, you had even stop breathing. Seeing you getting energetic calms me down." She seems to be glad.

"oh .. I was just having a stupid nightmare. Aha ahahaha" Although I cannot see myself, it is not hard to figure out that I am probably showing a dumb face now.

-

The last thing I remember before losing conscious is the 2 of us were falling off a bridge, and I was about to die.

"Why are we here?"

"You don't remember? In the midst of our fall, the surrounding glowed in white. When I reopened my eyes, We were falling from the sky like skydivers. Without parachutes."

"Why am I still alive then? Wait a second. Are we in heaven? A greyish desert-like heaven reeked of ashes surely differs from my visionary one. Which means, this is hell. I am merely an accomplice of a computer extortion. That alone certainly cannot warrant a spot in hell!" Without a parachute or something of that calibre, there is no doubt that anyone who falls will end up being chunks of bloody minced meat.

Haruhi's palms slowly wrap across my cheeks. she gently reassures: "Calm down. I am not exactly sure what happened, but it seems that gravity has significantly weaken or should I say weaker compared to where we came from. In fact, I believe this is earth base on intuition. Hours ago, when you were knocked unconscious after you had fallen on the face, sky was still dark and I could see the Moon."

Even with my pitiful grasp of astronomy, I know that other planets have moons too, such as Charon of Pluto. Gravity discrepancy can also mean we are on a different planet. Perhaps when a human dies, he is sent to another planet. There is no place on earth that looks a humungous piece of overcooked steak.

Haruhi gazes into my eyes as though she had sensed my doubt. Her palms shift to the back of my head like a support as she slowly retreats backwards like a lady retreating from a tea table during a tea ceremony. From a kneeling position, she leans forwards in a bend, 2 pair of lips met inversely, my lips were slaves to her tender loving ones. Like tranquillizers, fragrances of sweetness seep into my tool of doubts and effortlessly turn rampaging uncertainties into obedient babies.

"We are alive." She says.

I have no words of refute. However, I do blame our writer for not making us French.

I reach into my pocket and bring out a crumpled paper box and says: "Here, take this. It's a little mess up, but the item in the box should be intact."

Despite looking very excited, her hands removes the sticky tape carefully. Every time someone unwraps a gift, my mind is filled with consternation of a painful remark "You have terrible taste." It happened during my 2nd year in middle school. I gave a girl that I fancied then an anime figurine of a school girl with detachable skirt. That figuring also comes with a pair of white panties. I wonder why she said that. Haruhi admires the hair clip in awe as though it is a huge diamond. She clips it near a knot of the yellow ribbon across her hair. I can clearly see bold brown text of "S.O.S" above the yellow background.

She asks joyfully "How do I look?"

"Ah! My Goddess!"

She smiles and kisses my forehead after words of gratitude "Thank you."

-

Our stomach are rumbling and our lips are almost cracking. We have wandered around this dried land of starvation for several hours and the scenery hasn't change. Neither a single plant nor a flying creature is visible. Not even a roach of the highest survivability among living creatures is seen. Soon, our miserable muscles cry in ache, our throats itch in drought and our tummies have quitted rumbling in exhaustion. We sit on dusty ground and backs lean against a big rock.

There are no tree or building sitting in between the horizon. No river nor stream of water. No corpse or skeletons. Just a grey desert with rocks of all sizes and big hollows of semi-spherical depression. All this time I have been assuming that this is not earth.

What if it is?

What if a massive simultaneous volcano eruptions had took place.

What if this is the result of a power plant explosion or a nuclear test went haywire?

Is this a revenge by mother nature which suffers from thousands of years of pollution created by human in the name of evolution?

Perhaps our almighty creator decides to replace the dominant humans with new species like what happened to the dinosaurs.

I suddenly remember Nagato's speech of end-of-the-world and saving it. Frankly, I didn't take it seriously. Who in the world would believe such a thing. If it is true, why didn't a single announcement or news regarding the matter surface? I was just playing along because of their persistence. After all, a date is still better than wasting hours on board games in the club room. Of course, I have no complain about tea made by Asahina-san. Given the current circumstances, Nagato's explanation becomes obvious. And if that is the case, I cannot deny the fact that I have failed my mission. I hate myself for understanding it now because ...

I am now behind a defendant's stand.
Judge>"Kyon, you are charge with massacre of the entire human population minus two humans. Do you plead guilty?"
Me>"First of all, My legal name is .."
Judge>"It doesn't matter! Anyway, you are guilty."
Me>"But I haven't defend...."
Judge>"You are sentence to death by whatsoever method the deceased desires. Call forth The Ghost Summoner. By the way, I want to cat-scratch you till death."
Me>"This is not fair!"
Judge>"Silence!" Judge throws a gavel on my face.

I wish there is something I can do to lessen the guilt in me, even just by one little bit. If a person is capable of destroying the world, she would also possess the ability to restore it, although she is not aware of her godly abilities. Am right? Even if I am wrong, I had to clinch onto this belief for the sake of surviving; for not hanging myself in guilt. Think. Think hard. According to Nagato, Haruhi was experiencing some kind of emotional disturbance. Why did she mean? I couldn't imagine anyone capable of torturing her, unless she was having that time of the month (menstruation). That is the only feasibly conjecture. But wiping out the entire human race is a punishment too harsh just for that. She could have taken it out on Koizumi. I won't stand in her way, I promise. Rather than crying over spilled milk, I should think of a way to reverse the situation. But how?

Before long, the sky becomes dark, wind starts to chill. Haruhi leans on my chest while my left hand wraps around her waist from behind. In this way, we warm each other up with body heat.

"Haruhi, earlier you said that this is earth right?"

"yeah."

"Sitting on this cold lifeless surface, I couldn't help but wonder what happen to this world."

"Maybe someone was sick and tired of this world?" Haruhi responds immediately.

"You may be right. The devastated act of indiscriminate genocide may be the result of someone bored of the original world. Someone whose mind is crazier than Hitler's."

"That someone could be ... creating a better place for humans to live in."

"From what I can see now, there is no sign of a better place. In the name of creating 'a better place to live in', Hitler massacred millions of people. That someone killing many more can only be worst. Worse than a cold blooded murderer, worse than ruthless alien invaders, worse than the psychotic Darth Vader." My heart is pierced by a thousands spears as I speak.

"..no...that is not..."

"Not to mention, among the deceased were his friends who were there for him during bad times, his family which brought him up and the lover who loves him forever. What does that some intend to do after that? Doesn't he want his friends & love ones back?" Please forgive me. Haruhi.

"................" She does not speak with words but my dampen chest quivers in melancholy.

"To me, I love the world that way it was. I enjoy breakfast even if it is only rice with natto and seaweed. I dote my human-size alarm-clock sister even if she wakes me up with the most torturous method. I enjoy the company of Taniguchi even though he is just a moron. I enjoy observing Nagato even if she is just a decoration of the club room. I enjoy the companionship of Kozumi even if he is just a pain the ass. I cherish lovely tea made by Asahina-san even though she is just an adorable maid." Haruhi pinches my abdomen. "I love you even if you are harebrained."

'................."

"Human constantly struggles to balance on the rim between 2 sides of a coin. For a person to truly enjoy happiness, he must experience sadness. The fastest gaining share is also the sharpest falling one. There is nothing that comes with only positive attributes." I preach like an old man who hasn't spoken for decades.

In the wake of a depressing atmosphere, I say:

"Right now, it would be good if we can sip a nice cup of warm tea. Or a soupy bowl of freshly made seafood ramen. Or a plate of spicy curry rice. And a basket of fried calamari. As for desserts, we will have chocolate brownies and marshmallow cheesecakes."

"Stop it, my tummy can't handle it any more." Haruhi protests. 2 stomachs echo against each other in rumbles.

Wind grows silent, my eyes blankly gazes upon the dark sky. Stars slowly raises before my misty eyes. Gradually, they forms words:

Disclaimer: The following content are purely fictional, any similarity is purely your imagination
Cast
Jack – Tomokazu Sugita
Jill – Aya Hirano
Tom – Daisuke Ono
Dick – Minori Shirashi
Harry – Akio Ohtsuka
.....
.....
.....

Which came along with an instrumental music. Haruhi is seated on my left in my arm. She raises her head to look at me in a daze. As if she cannot see, her face moves closer to mine. In about 10 seconds, her eyes grow bigger in shock. Following which is a back flip "Whoooliaaa!" In the process, her forefeet hit my chin, throwing me 3 rows behind and lands butt first on the ground between 2 rows of armchairs. Allow me to repeat, I was flunked into mid air, my sights went above the movie screen to rows and columns of spot lights, out came droplets of saliva from my mouth in a "oooahh~~!" With intention to land swiftly after a somersault, my arms straightened above head as knees tucked on chest. Unfortunately, it was a flight of insufficient altitude. That is how I am trapped in this awkward position of legs between seat gaps and butts on the floor.

"What the hell are you doing!? Haruhi!"

"I was about to asked the same. Any innocent girl would have responded that way to a lecherous assault." She snarls while her footsteps draw nearer.

"But a moment ago, I thought ..." My speech is halted by a painful prance between my pelvis. If she crashes land inches lower, my dream of creating a family of six may be ruined. My face is widen by a third with 2 pulling pinches on its sides.

She scoffs "Are you another one of those otakus(Animation/Games/Manga maniac) who played a galge(an ecchi genre game) too many?"

"O-master, I am so cold, hug me tight." She raunchily teases with a typical galge line and ends with a relinquished snap on my face.

"Huh?" Is that really another one of those imagination? I ponder as her hair no longer sports the hair clip.

"I am going home."

"Wait a second, at least help me out of this state."

"Spend the night here to repent over your sin." She disappears into the exit.

That god-damn scornful daughter of a smouldered petty chicken! Don't read too deep into the angry ramble.

I have never played a galge, the furthest I have ventured was watching Taniguchi indulge in one. I am just a good 15 year-old high school boy, therefore, I speak of nothing but the truth, I sw .. okay, I am indoor. I swear. Lightnings don't strike indoor.

-

Two silhouettes appear from both flanks reach their hands to me. Both Koizumi, on the left and Asahina-san on the right pull me up with my hands in grips.

"Thanks. You save me." I spoke to the right.

"No. Don't thank me. It is me on behalf of my organisation, who should be expressing gratitude for your accomplishments." Koizumi unnecessarily says. Like a wild grass standing in the middle of a beautiful flower garden, Koizumi's presence is an eyesore.

"Thank you, for securing our road to the future. You look pale. Are you tired. " Asahina-san concernedly asks.

"No. Not at all. With your encouragement, everything is taken care of in a breeze. Hehe"

"Encouragement?" She asks with a finger by her lips and a question mark over her head.

"You know the phone message."

Koizumi appears from no where and suddenly conceals her mouth from behind with a bulb over his head. What did he realize?

Asahina-san glares at Koizumi with a twist between her eyebrows.

"That was just service. Little services contributed by us." His grin expose teeth so white that I want to knock them down.

"What are you doing with my Asahina-san? Let her go."

He remove his filthy hands from Asahina-san. She pouts with eyes locked-on Koizumi in a fit.

"Are you alright, Asahina-san?"

"I am fine."

"So what's the situation now?"

"The threatening meteor stream has returned to its normal course, according to a report from headquarters. Earth is safe again, all thanks to your effort. We have been observing the 2 of you from a far and helping out with our supportive measures. Such as ice-cream delivery. It seems that Haruhi just wants to spend more time with you alone." Koizumi says.

"That was me, the bunny." Asahina-san cheerfully says while upholding 2 fingers in a victorious V shape.

"Was it you who shot me with an air gun?" I look at Koizumi.

"Only Nagato is capable of such high accuracy." Koizumi is sweating a little excessively.

"Where is she now?"

"She took off a while ago to take care of some internal issues. I am not sure what though" Asahina replies.

"Actually, we were a little worried earlier on because the crashing process was sped up before you entered the cinema. We tried to contact you, but your cellphone was out of service. I am actually quite surprised that the two was motionlessly watching the film and out of a sudden, the collision was averted." Koizumi adds.

"So all the while we were just sitting there?"

"Yeah. Did anything happen?" Koizumi has a puzzled look.

"No ... it is just like what you said."

Both of them aren't aware that Haruhi and I actually went into the movie. Was I dreaming? But if that is self-illusion, then why was the crash course changed?

-

On the way home, I met Nagato who had taken care of a traitor.

"Who is the traitor and what did you do to him?"

"It is best that you not know." She drones.

"Did you know why is Haruhi behaving strangely?"

"I am not sure, but she was reading a magazine 'A hundred tips for dates – For Girls'."

That explains why she was behaving normally; her usual self is abnormal.

"Did you know what happen in the cinema?"

"When the collision was about to occur, I created an portal and send the two of you into an artificial space hastily made using the film content. My existance ceased soon after the teleportation of you two. Large amount of meteorites pierced through earth crust triggering a massive lava leakage as earth core lost stability. With the combination of earthquakes, tsunamis, molten earth leakages and meteor storm, all living things on earth were wipe out quickly."

"So, you died?"

"Yes."

"If you were dead, how did Haruhi and I came back to earth after its destruction?"

"Haruhi had subconsciously created a warp gate which brought the two of you back. The Data Entity Overmind is convinced that you are the who made Haruhi reversed the damages done on earth."

"So everything is reversed to normal now?"

"Not everything. The fact that I know all these is self-evident. Even after my death, various data entities have kept you two under observation. After the reversal, those observations were uploaded into my databank. Which is why Asahina-san and Kozumi aren't aware of your adventure. The current world is delay by a day. Today is actually yesterday. You still remember spending a day with Haruhi after being teleported into the movie world. Human remembers time by observing stars, planets, sun, moon and earth. If changes on those were undone, nobody will notice the difference in time, except you and Haruhi. You should celebrate birthdays 1 day earlier."

"Haruhi don't seem to remember it though."

"Perhaps, there were some things you said that she does not wish to remember."

"................."


"Were you the one who shot me on the neck?"

"Yes."

My middle fingers tremble in reluctance. She was merely trying to help, there's no way I can blame her right?

"I see."

-------THE END--------

[The Silver Sky]

Ooo! Me likey. Grammar and punctuation could use a bit of work, a beta/proof reader might be a good idea.

[SweetHoney]

Wow that's really good to bad it can't be made into an episode

[sleeplessNites]

Edit: In my attempt to combine the 3 parts, I have breached the max number of characters allowed per post. Therefore, the introductive text are reposted here. I have also corrected some mistakes; grammers and punctuations.

This story is a mod of a yuutsu chapter that took place after the 3 sos-dan abnormal members had identified themselves verbally, but has yet to proof their identity.

That is my first fanfic. Pls bear with my language.

---end of edit---

After few weeks of writing, it has finally ended. Of the 3 parts, part B turned out worst imo. I was indecisive whether I should avoid a bloat in the plot and whether I should focus on character developements because it is the least importance part. My fickle mind ended up doing 1/2 of each.

For part C, I have switch to present tense. It is simply because telling story in first person pespective in past tense is a big hurdle for me.

I hope you have enjoyed reading it. Do feel free to comment.

I am glad that there are people who like it. Thanks for the comments.

[AC23]

It could use some grammary corrections, but other than that, I liked it. PArts of it made me laugh, including this one "Someday, I am going to rally guys up for a men-rights petition." Hehe, you do that Kyon.

Great job!

[innominate]

Ah, it's heartwarming to understand that someone else writes fiction in this fancreations section... but wait... Why do people keep unearthing 2006 threads... There are like, another 2 or so of these threads out there. o_O

okay, it's just (another) one only, but I still find it odd;