Dating

[Ruby Princess]

Originally Posted by willx

So I was at a night club last night for the first time in a while. Additionally, I was with 3 other guys at a so called "guys night out" type thing.. We get line bypassed into the club, but for once none of us are single .. so there's no one to wing man or to help hook up, so we end up just mulling about.. Anyways, certain things happen, and it made me think --

One of my friends is a very "nouveau riche"-style wealthy guy. Internet entrepreneur. He's also a serial philanderer. He's also currently engaged and has started having cold feet as he drafts a pre-nup with his lawyers. He has a lot to lose and very little impulse control.

So, questions: What are people's thoughts regarding 1) infidelity and 2) prenuptial agreements?

1) It's the best? ^^; That way you can have your cake (Romance) and the cherry on top too (lots of secks with lots of guys).
2) What's that?

[NinjaRealist]

Originally Posted by willx

So, questions: What are people's thoughts regarding 1) infidelity and 2) prenuptial agreements?

1. Infidelity is akin to attempted murder, because people suffer severe psychological pain/trauma and often kill themselves when cheated on.

Personally, I deal with infidelity the same way I deal with anyone who cheats me (be it over love, money or anything else), I convince them I've forgiven them and then I hit them with death blow of unhappiness. Serves them right.

Open relationships, or outright polyamory, however, is cool.

2. If you're dumb enough to get married then for god's sake get a prenup. You'll be glad once you come to your senses.

Originally Posted by Ruby Princess

1) It's the best? ^^; That way you can have your cake (Romance) and the cherry on top too (lots of secks with lots of guys).

First off, if you're a narcissist or a sociopath ignore what I'm about to say:

Do you realize that infidelity means deceiving your partner into thinking that you are faithful when, in reality, you are not?

If so, then I hope you someday come to your senses and stop behaving like a horrible monster.

It can be fun to act like a monster sometime, but if you treat your friends and loved ones like this you will never make any meaningful connections in life and ultimately find yourself sad and alone.

I say this as someone who has cheated and lied before but realized the damage I was doing to myself and my friends. Stop before someone gets hurt so bad they never recover from it.

P.S. An acquaintance of mine recently killed himself when he found out that the love of his life was just a sadistic cheater. So don't think I'm being melodramatic.

[Who]

So... didn't have a happy ending. She chose to go with the other guy, but I had to hear from other sources, which upset me, as I'd rather have heard from her directly.

Still, I told her how I felt, and wished her well, saying that I'll just wait my turn once more and that how all I want at this point is for us to talk normally like before, although I know that it'll never really be normal between us anymore.

Not exactly the best way to head into one's own birthday, but I feel much lighter about the entire situation now, having gotten some closure.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Who

So... didn't have a happy ending. She chose to go with the other guy, but I had to hear from other sources, which upset me, as I'd rather have heard from her directly.

Still, I told her how I felt, and wished her well, saying that I'll just wait my turn once more and that how all I want at this point is for us to talk normally like before, although I know that it'll never really be normal between us anymore.

Not exactly the best way to head into one's own birthday, but I feel much lighter about the entire situation now, having gotten some closure.

Too bad, but that's life.

But word of advice; don't wait for her. Go about your own life, explore other possibilities. Don't get yourself stuck waiting for someone you may not have a chance with. You'd be better off for it.

[willx]

@NinjaRealist -- Although he's just an acquaintance I offer my sincere condolences. It's never something pleasant.

@Ruby Princess -- A "prenup" or prenuptial agreement is basically a document you sign pre-marriage that sets out what happens in "what if" scenarios. Usually used to keep the richer spouse from losing too much assets. (Doesn't work as well in Canada / Ontario as in some states, even with a near iron-clad prenup it can be 60/40)

Cheating is a tough topic to cover. Maybe I shouldn't have put it out there so lightly..

For people that have been cheated on or seen the effects, it can be a horrible evil thing, one of the worst things that can be done to or by a person. On the other hand, apparently everyone does it, because the facts unfortunately point to that fact. Heck, statistically, most people in this forum have probably engaged in it, unless we've self-selected our sample

[SPARTAN 119]

Well, I'm back to reply to you guys:

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

I always wanted to date girls from my local anime club but I never found a girl who I felt I could really connect with.

I eventually found that girl at a local anime con - she was enthusiastic that someone recognized her costume, I offered to send her my photos of her (I'm a huge cosplay photography freak) and then I sent her an invitation to an anime club event with the photos. I think the connection we had as two fans of a show not a lot of people know (EF: A Tale of Memories) is part of why she accepted, as it turns out she was actually really shy and her enthusiasm that someone recognized her costume was a "spur of the moment" thing. That, and I tried to help her find the one other EF cosplay I knew was attending the con (which I failed at).

I realize that my success here was very dependent on the fact I met the right person, but I hope it gives you an idea what can ground a relationship between two anime fans who were basically strangers.

(P.S. ~600 of my ~1500 photos from my last con are of her in costume.)

Like I said, I've been trying to get out more, however, the fact that I have mid-terms right now has kind of put that on hold. As per cons, I might go to one next year.

Originally Posted by jesh462

SPARTAN 119: For activities, why not take her (when you find her) to a play or ballet, a concert, or an art exhibit? Are you really only interested in getting drunk? That could be a problem in and of itself in finding women, just saying.

I am actually not at all interested in getting drunk. I just thought that would be a good place to meet girls who are single.

Originally Posted by Jellal

I am in a Fraternity myself, and I could see where your frustrations are.
Most of these functions however, are strictly meant between Greek Life only.

If anything, if you know anyone who's a member, you should be fine for a regular weekend party. The formal functions however, are a bit more tedious to enter. We pride ourselves in privacy. Every Fraternity is different, and so are it's members - but the general bylaws each house holds are similar.

Personally if your looking to meet new people and are 21, check out your towns Night Life.

Hmmm... a frat boy and an otaku.... I thought that combination was prohibited by several laws of physics.... just kidding, don't take any offense to that.

As per me and frat boys, I have something of an envy-hate-ignore relationship with them, again, no offense to you. In spite of what my previous post said, I'm usually in the "ignore" state.

The only thing that I can say as far as my bizarre desire to "infiltrate" a date party, I comes down to my unusual psychology. Lets just say, I started to view date parties as a second shot at my failed prom in high school. Now I had that view in freshman year in university, but I had abandoned it until it resurfaced recently after I heard about a person's "experience" with a his date after prom. And lets just say said experience matched a fantasy of mine, which I will not share with you (no matter how much your ask! But lets say its an act I am determined to perform before I die)

Either way, I started to associated prom with that "event" and the "fantasy", and looked for a college equivalent, and remembered the date parties. So I was determined to "take back" the "memories stolen by Asperger's", and get a date to a date party. When I remembered that the Greek people keep outsiders out.

So yeah, I was pissed off, as they seemed to me to be planning to keep me from my "fantasy". However, in my more "sane" side of myself, I realized the prom or similar event is in no way associated with my actual "fantasy".

Rather than copying someone else's experience, I should create my own.

As per the "fantasy". In fact, I checked an adult dating service, and discovered there were plenty of women with similar "sexual interests", and, while my current situation- no car, live at home, makes using said service difficult, most people on the dating service were 25-35, so I have plenty of time left.

Still, I do sometimes feel I would like a second shot at prom-like experience. Is a nightclub my best bet?

[Who]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Too bad, but that's life.

But word of advice; don't wait for her. Go about your own life, explore other possibilities. Don't get yourself stuck waiting for someone you may not have a chance with. You'd be better off for it.

Uh... I'm not moping about it. I just said I'd be back from last week to say how it went. The way you put it makes it seem like I'm not aware of any of this stuff already. I still enjoy her company as a friend, without any of the romantic attachment/desire and she's not the first female friend I've been turned down by and managed to keep a friendship with for long periods of time.

It's not like I don't appreciate your advice though, because even if I already know it, it's always good to have someone repeat it over.

[Dr. Casey]

I don't think Ascaloth meant to imply that you were moping, because your message was perfectly clear and you seem to be handling things well enough; he was just saying that waiting for her would be a bad idea. Love can either be a bitch or the most wonderful thing in the world, and judging by your last few posts, this girl is more likely to show you the former side of the coin. There's a chance that neither you nor anyone else in the world will get a turn in the first place assuming she stays with this guy for good (Or even if she breaks up a few months or years down the road, do you want to be strung along that long?), or what if you get your chance, only to find out that it doesn't matter whether she's single or taken because she doesn't feel the same way about you? Sorry, I know I'm being incredibly blunt and callous, but I think you might be taking the first steps down a long road of having your heart torn out. Protect it better, don't go down that road at all and search for someone else.

[Ascaloth]

^ This. 10char

[csuree]

Originally Posted by willx

So, questions: What are people's thoughts regarding 1) infidelity and 2) prenuptial agreements?

1) depending on the situation it can be either good or bad, Good if you cheat on an abusive person, Bad if that person is good. I am not pro or against it but if my GF will be a lovable person i will not cheat on her....but if she turns out to be not my type then I will look for another one, and break up with her.

2) I say it is a must. At least here in my country these are like protected not like in the US. And thinking that my parents worked all their life for the apartment I live in (sorry for the crude lang, ladies it is not personal) I wouldn't let a little money-hungry bitch take half of their or my hard work. I just respect myself. Anyways here most of the girls tend to have expectations from the boys: to have a car, a place to live and then she would come bringing only herself and nothing more....excuse me... but if they have expectations for me then i will have too....
sign the contract.....if she really loves me for who i am then she will sign it no problemo....if not...."you know where the door is, darling"....

maybe i am putting it a bit harsh but it is the same for the girls... they know what they want and never give in for anything lower....

PS. for now i am still single.. but i am not depressed about it...i conquered many of my issues...but some are persistent so the fight continues. :P

I'll be back for more a bit later.

[SPARTAN 119]

Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119

Well, I'm back to reply to you guys:



Like I said, I've been trying to get out more, however, the fact that I have mid-terms right now has kind of put that on hold. As per cons, I might go to one next year.



I am actually not at all interested in getting drunk. I just thought that would be a good place to meet girls who are single.



Hmmm... a frat boy and an otaku.... I thought that combination was prohibited by several laws of physics.... just kidding, don't take any offense to that.

As per me and frat boys, I have something of an envy-hate-ignore relationship with them, again, no offense to you. In spite of what my previous post said, I'm usually in the "ignore" state.

The only thing that I can say as far as my bizarre desire to "infiltrate" a date party, I comes down to my unusual psychology. Lets just say, I started to view date parties as a second shot at my failed prom in high school. Now I had that view in freshman year in university, but I had abandoned it until it resurfaced recently after I heard about a person's "experience" with a his date after prom. And lets just say said experience matched a fantasy of mine, which I will not share with you (no matter how much your ask! But lets say its an act I am determined to perform before I die)

Either way, I started to associated prom with that "event" and the "fantasy", and looked for a college equivalent, and remembered the date parties. So I was determined to "take back" the "memories stolen by Asperger's", and get a date to a date party. When I remembered that the Greek people keep outsiders out.

So yeah, I was pissed off, as they seemed to me to be planning to keep me from my "fantasy". However, in my more "sane" side of myself, I realized the prom or similar event is in no way associated with my actual "fantasy".

Rather than copying someone else's experience, I should create my own.

As per the "fantasy". In fact, I checked an adult dating service, and discovered there were plenty of women with similar "sexual interests", and, while my current situation- no car, live at home, makes using said service difficult, most people on the dating service were 25-35, so I have plenty of time left.

Still, I do sometimes feel I would like a second shot at prom-like experience. Is a nightclub my best bet?

Not to be rude, but someone mind answering my questions?

[ViolentLove]

^ Okay, so you want a girl.

What kind of girl?
You want a friend, a sexual partner, a romantic partner?
Where are you taking her? Or do you just want a girl?
What are you bringing to her life, and why do you want her to be a part of your life?

[NinjaRealist]

Originally Posted by willx

@NinjaRealist -- Although he's just an acquaintance I offer my sincere condolences. It's never something pleasant.

Thanks mate. He was just a nice guy I knew ( a friend of many of my friends) who had helped me out on a few occasion, so it wasn't an enormous personal tragedy, but seeing all the grieving family members when they held a memorial service at my school, it really made me think about how this kind of thing can affect people.

Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119

Not to be rude, but someone mind answering my questions?

I feel like a lot of people have given you roughly the same answer to roughly the same question that you keep asking.

Based on this and your previous posts, it seems like what you want is not really a girlfriend but a sexual encounter. Sex is a big part of having a girlfriend but actually, having a girlfriend is more about having someone to talk to and spend time with, because this is 95% of what boyfriends and girlfriends do with each other.

You also seem to see attending a fraternity party as some kind of magical gateway to getting laid. I assure you this is not the case. No matter where you are a, a girl will not hook up with you unless:

a) The girl is physically attracted to you.

b) The girl is emotionally attracted to you (though be warned, for some people physical attraction IS emotional attraction).

c) The girl thinks they can gain something from you (not only money but social status and fame).

d) The girl has heard wild rumors about your sexual prowess from all of her friends.(read desire to get off and expectation that you can fulfill that desire)

Unless you can fulfill one of these four conditions then you're chances of getting laid are slim to none my friend. It doesn't matter if you are at a frat party or if you are at an anime convention (I have never been to an anime convention so I am actually not sure if people ever get laid there, though I have heard about wild hotel parties at conventions from people I knew on IRC) this will almost always be the case.

You need to start looking at things more empathically. By this I mean you need to ask yourself a simple but serious question, "Why would a girl want to date/have sex with me?" If you don't have a lot of confident answers to that question then what you really need most is to develop yourself into someone that does.

And this is why I keep going back to the muscles thing. It may be hard to grow muscles, but it's still easier than the other way of increasing your desirability, such as getting your own place, getting your own car/motorcycle, becoming an excellent conversationalist, these are all more difficult than getting some muscle definition.

[SPARTAN 119]

Originally Posted by NinjaRealist

Thanks mate. He was just a nice guy I knew ( a friend of many of my friends) who had helped me out on a few occasion, so it wasn't an enormous personal tragedy, but seeing all the grieving family members when they held a memorial service at my school, it really made me think about how this kind of thing can affect people.



I feel like a lot of people have given you roughly the same answer to roughly the same question that you keep asking.

Based on this and your previous posts, it seems like what you want is not really a girlfriend but a sexual encounter. Sex is a big part of having a girlfriend but actually, having a girlfriend is more about having someone to talk to and spend time with, because this is 95% of what boyfriends and girlfriends do with each other.

You also seem to see attending a fraternity party as some kind of magical gateway to getting laid. I assure you this is not the case. No matter where you are a, a girl will not hook up with you unless:

a) The girl is physically attracted to you.

b) The girl is emotionally attracted to you (though be warned, for some people physical attraction IS emotional attraction).

c) The girl thinks they can gain something from you (not only money but social status and fame).

d) The girl has heard wild rumors about your sexual prowess from all of her friends.(read desire to get off and expectation that you can fulfill that desire)

Unless you can fulfill one of these four conditions then you're chances of getting laid are slim to none my friend. It doesn't matter if you are at a frat party or if you are at an anime convention (I have never been to an anime convention so I am actually not sure if people ever get laid there, though I have heard about wild hotel parties at conventions from people I knew on IRC) this will almost always be the case.

You need to start looking at things more empathically. By this I mean you need to ask yourself a simple but serious question, "Why would a girl want to date/have sex with me?" If you don't have a lot of confident answers to that question then what you really need most is to develop yourself into someone that does.

And this is why I keep going back to the muscles thing. It may be hard to grow muscles, but it's still easier than the other way of increasing your desirability, such as getting your own place, getting your own car/motorcycle, becoming an excellent conversationalist, these are all more difficult than getting some muscle definition.

Ahhh... I know, I was just feeling kind of well... you know at the moment...

I should try just getting to know girls... But it annoys me when all the ones I try to get to know are taken...

Either way, as far as sex is concerned, I'm sure if I keep trying I'll eventually succeed. If I don't succeed the normal way, I suspect in the future, I'll look on an adult dating service or something....

[ViolentLove]

Originally Posted by NinjaRealist

You also seem to see attending a fraternity party as some kind of magical gateway to getting laid. I assure you this is not the case. No matter where you are a, a girl will not hook up with you unless:

a) The girl is physically attracted to you.

b) The girl is emotionally attracted to you (though be warned, for some people physical attraction IS emotional attraction).

c) The girl thinks they can gain something from you (not only money but social status and fame).

d) The girl has heard wild rumors about your sexual prowess from all of her friends.(read desire to get off and expectation that you can fulfill that desire)

...

And this is why I keep going back to the muscles thing. It may be hard to grow muscles, but it's still easier than the other way of increasing your desirability, such as getting your own place, getting your own car/motorcycle, becoming an excellent conversationalist, these are all more difficult than getting some muscle definition.

What kind of girls do you like hooking up with?

[NinjaRealist]

Originally Posted by ViolentLove

What kind of girls do you like hooking up with?

I guess random hookups have always been more of a quest to me than something I've actually enjoyed, although it's only within the last year that I've become comfortable enough with my sexuality to admit this fact. Once you have hooked up with so many girls, you start to see sex as just meaningless body contact and you start to become immune to the opposite sex (by this I mean I almost never feel a strong enough attraction to anyone to care anymore: this is a double-edged sword)

But there was a point where I ran around like a rabbit trying to screw almost any girl that would let me. At that point, my only criterion were that the girl was:

a) Attractive.

b) Interested in having sex with me.

But, though I've had my fair share of one night stands, I was always more into dating than random sex.

I guess the kind of girls I have dated tend to have 4 characteristics:

a) Fairly masculine, in both appearance and personality, especially for hetero girls.

b) Enjoys serious conversation and enjoys serious entertainment.

c) Unusually has a wide frame with bigger hips and a heavier build (never been very interested in skinny girls)

d) Is a bit insane. (they'd have to be crazy to put up with a crazy-man like myself.

Other than these traits, all of my girlfriends have been pretty different. I'm not sure why you are asking me this, or what you hope to gain from my answer, but this is the most honest one I can give.

[willx]

Left without comment, just to be "wry"

[Paradoxine]

Originally Posted by willx

Left without comment, just to be "wry"

Hmm most of the guys I know would have an uninterested part taking up 2/3 of the meter. I'd also increase the uninterested part for women to at least 1/2 of their pie chart. But obviously everyone will have different experiences. Interesting post though

[csuree]

Phew since halloween there wasn't a single post. That is unacceptable. (smile)

I genuinely found out the fact that I am depressed. I searched for symptoms and consulted with people and the fact that i am uninterested in dating is because of this. It is an advanced form of it so i would likely to have a big change in my life or it will advance further. Now that is really refreshing to know. But I don't see how i could have my view of my life changed into a more positive one.
I was thinking of one of your comments on going to work out, maybe if i do that my opinion about me will change and that might have a positive effect. As i will get my salary soon i will try it. It will not hurt. But thinking that i will be spending my birthday, christmas and new year alone again, brings me down.

Also a fellow from work she said maybe smart people don't tend to be happy. I asked her why does she think i am smart ( i try and keep it a secret. IQ = 147), cuz i pretend i am an average guy. She said it is visible because it is like all of my steps are calculated. Then i told her about the truth. She is like that too. Only she is in a relationship and also sh is not my type.
So knowing this girls see through me like glass. Oh well. This is like a stab in the chest. I fail at pretending too. It was expected. I fail like at everything that depends on social interaction.
No no no no. I should not think like that of myself. I should be more positive.

Well i will write later on. B-bye. And good luck.
Sorry for all the mistakes ihave written this from my "smartphone".

[monsta666]

Originally Posted by csuree

Also a fellow from work she said maybe smart people don't tend to be happy. I asked her why does she think i am smart ( i try and keep it a secret. IQ = 147), cuz i pretend i am an average guy. She said it is visible because it is like all of my steps are calculated. Then i told her about the truth. She is like that too. Only she is in a relationship and also sh is not my type.
So knowing this girls see through me like glass. Oh well. This is like a stab in the chest. I fail at pretending too. It was expected. I fail like at everything that depends on social interaction.
No no no no. I should not think like that of myself. I should be more positive.

Sorry to hear about your difficulties. I think it is important to realise that relationships are not the end all and be all of life. You can lead a fulfilling and rewarding life without being in a relationship; you just need to find something that is worthwhile to you. Other posters have suggested exercise as one means of achieving this, and it is certainly a good suggestion, but at the same time it is not for everyone. Find a hobby you enjoy and try and become proficient in that skill. You say you have a high IQ, perhaps it would be an idea to pursue something that challenges your mind?

The other good side point of doing this is should you then become interested in pursuing a relationship at some future date then this hobby would make you a more interesting person. In any case good luck and I wish you all the best. I hope your depression is not too serious.