AnimeSuki Forums

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-06, 05:24

Talk about overkill, you're pulling a Guren Lagann?

Spoiler for Chapter 4 Part 4:

And my writing styles keep degenerating,, Yay?

Eratas123 · 2012-09-06, 05:28

Try adding more actions and describe the feeling of the environment. Dunno if it's good advice, but I tend to add what the character is doing as a sort of break away for sentences.

demino_hellsin · 2012-09-06, 05:28

Haven't really seen gurren lagann.

I'll have to keep the explosions relatively small... maybe the explosive power of a thermonuclear bomb? None thus far have become full stars anyway.

Eratas123 · 2012-09-06, 06:05

Can you read something for me later? I promise it'll be the last today.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-06, 06:12

As much as you want really.

StratoSpear · 2012-09-06, 06:15

7-year-old Inami and Tsurugi:

Spoiler for Ten years ago:

'

Basically Tsurugi's trying to nail the "Want to be more than friends" kind of thing into Inami, who doesn't quite get it.

DarkJak2050 · 2012-09-06, 06:20

[Yawns] Fanfics updated...

Ichikas Trust Ch. 10
Infinite-Stratos Angelic Descent Ch. 8
Blind Fate Ch. 4
Project Silverback Ch. 7 (Revised Ver.)

Long overdue update...

Good night...

Eratas123 · 2012-09-06, 06:20

She's pretty mature for a seven year old.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-06, 06:22

That came out wrong indeed.

I can see Inami being misunderstood, this is one of the most realistic love/friendship (comrades/best freind/soulmate etc) tropes that still have a lot of drama potential, which is why it's commonly used without being too cliche

StratoSpear · 2012-09-06, 06:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

She's pretty mature for a seven year old.

How so?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED

That came out wrong indeed.

I can see Inami being misunderstood, this is one of the most realistic love/friendship (comrades/best freind/soulmate etc) tropes that still have a lot of drama potential, which is why it's commonly used without being too cliche

Thing is, while Inami misunderstood, Tsurugi didn't quite deliver her point properly.
There's that difference between "I want to be more than just a friend" and a blunt "We're not friends!".

I made some little changes to her past while keeping Inami's the same. (Scene above takes place on the same year his parents died, though it's already months after)

Eratas123 · 2012-09-06, 06:52

Most 7 year olds don't think of being BF and GF at such a young age.

StratoSpear · 2012-09-06, 06:59

Point taken.

Though I should probably point out that those two were living under the same roof at that point of time. The Katami family took Inami under their wing after he lost his parents.

Eratas123 · 2012-09-06, 07:01

...Then she'd think even less. Westermarck effect shows kids living under the same roof tend to end up thinking like brother and sister.

StratoSpear · 2012-09-06, 07:05

And the above scene doesn't quite explicitly mentioned that she wanted him to be her boyfriend, did she?

All she mentioned is that "they're not friends". Being like brother and sister is also a step above friend-level.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-06, 07:08

Westermarck effect is the cause of "Unlucky Childhood Friend" everywhere.

Hence I said I understand, I have quite similar scenario myself, except it took opposite approach where the comment is too fabulous for context

Eratas123 · 2012-09-06, 07:10

@ Stratos - Well, I hope that they have a very good sibling relationship/platonic symbiosis then

@ Senpai - Ichika's type of girl is Chifuyu, right?

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-06, 07:15

Precisely a cool, mature nadeshiko kind with a great body. Hence he's tempted when Houki don't talk too much, and don't enchanted with Tate's beauty

StratoSpear · 2012-09-06, 07:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Stratos - Well, I hope that they have a very good sibling relationship/platonic symbiosis then

There will be more flashback scenes of them as children, each showing them having a sibling-type relationship... up till their five-year separation.

There's a saying which goes along the line of "being separated makes them miss each other more". And for their case, they missed each other to the extent that their yearning went beyond that of siblings'.

Now to think of a significant event that occurs prior to the separation which would spark that... intimate desire in them.

Eratas123 · 2012-09-06, 07:17

Isn't Laura everything but Mature body?

Side note - Draft almost done

@ Stratos - Absence makes the heart go yonder

Also, how about a rescue event? Falling into a river tends to be common.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-06, 07:25

@ Eras
Nope, Ichika remarked that her personality is cute, but too strange (post meltdown, that is)

@ Stratos
Since they're both 12, even the smallest stuff that could entice their still-developing sexuality could leave a big impact.

For example, suddenly feel a strange feeling when holding hand, or worse, full body contact. And as Eras said, full body contact during extreme but realistic situation, such as falling into a river or tripped on a stairs.

2012-09-06, 05:24	Link #36441
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Talk about overkill, you're pulling a Guren Lagann? Spoiler for Chapter 4 Part 4: Wednesday, March 4, 2015. 10.15 Hours Location: Infinite Stratos Academi Class 1-4 As they arrived in fourth class, they quickly arrange the desk so it could also function as makeshift lunch table “So Momioka is in class 1-2 and Sawada is in class 1-1?” Rito asked. “Indeed” Mio nodded weakly “Geez, and I thought we’ll be in the same class too” “Well, it was created due to entry test result, namely, to create a balance” Risa said “Though, my grades suck” Rito stared, he just stared, before finally open his mouth “You know, it’s surreal to see this scene, I’m not even sure this bento is not spiked” “What scene?” Haruna pointed at Saruyama, whose eyes still locked firmly at the monitor, one hand typing, and one hand handling the onigiri he’s eating. But that’s not the problem, what’s new is that the girls are openly molesting him, such as putting their chest over his head or even doing all sort of weirdness to his face. Their silent contemplation following the bizarre situation was interrupted by Rito’s cell phone ringing “Ja, what is it, Riko-san?” “[Umm, Rito-san, there’s a… problem]” “Problem, right, the last thing I want to hear during lunchtime… what is it?” “[You see, the supercruising light transport has engine failure and had to ditch its cargo immediately. That cargo happened to be Igel spare parts…]” “That plane is really piece of crap, why must use that one again?” “[Umm, well, because I want to come to Japan… we’re almost reaching I.S.A. by now and losing altitude]” “YOU WHAT?!” Rito’s scream echoed across the corridor all the way to class 3, where Cecilia and Aikawa startled in response and quickly went for the source. Cecilia’s sandwich wasn’t as lucky as Koyoka’s okonomiyaki, but either way, both foods are abandoned. “[We’re coming from East, hang on]” Rito waste no time but to jump out of window and release his I.S. in its naked form; maximizing acceleration at the expense of protection. Arms also freed from any equipment because he’s readying himself to receive something. “What’s just happened, Haruna-san?” Cecilia asked; moments after Rito did his stunt she and Kiyoka arrived. “Umh, I don’t know either but seems like something urgent that require him to use his I.S.” ame the response, Cecilia didn’t want to be left; it was a chance she think, and quickly taking off. “Reed-san, is there’s a problem?” “Well, delivery problem to be exact” he said sheepishly as red tinge spread across his cheek “There’s a problem with the cargo plane and I have to retrieve the content manually” “In that case, can I help?” “I’ll be thankful” Rito nod. They’re executing a gentle maneuver, synchronizing speed with the admittedly small plane. Cecilia doesn’t know what happened, but Rito is delivering hand signal before contacting the plane to drop its contents. Indeed, a half-size container is released, assuming it’s filled quite tightly with parts, would very well over 1 tons. No wonder the plane has problem carrying it with one engine failed. While naked Igel has no problem carrying it alone thanks to its massive thruster output, Blue Tears actually helped stabilizing it, since for I.S., bulk are more problematic than weight. Losing overboard mass allow the tiny aircraft to resume its flight normally until it could find a place for maintenance, fortunately, security team from I.S.A. has been deployed to guide it, each are clad with Raphael Revive-type I.S. I.S.A. itself has no large runway, but its 500 meter shipyard is rarely full of objects, and could easily be used as a makeshift runway for small craft usage if done right. Amongst those, Rito recognized Tsuda-sensei. Admittedly, Rito and Cecilia were amazed how they could pull a perfectly synchronized formation in a very tight maneuver. “Seriously, that Riko…” Rito sighed “I owe you one, Alcott” And my writing styles keep degenerating,, Yay? __________________

2012-09-06, 05:28	Link #36442
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Try adding more actions and describe the feeling of the environment. Dunno if it's good advice, but I tend to add what the character is doing as a sort of break away for sentences. __________________

2012-09-06, 06:05	Link #36444
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Can you read something for me later? I promise it'll be the last today. __________________

2012-09-06, 06:12	Link #36445
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	As much as you want really. __________________

2012-09-06, 06:15	Link #36446
StratoSpear Titans Test Team Pilot Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: The Elysium	7-year-old Inami and Tsurugi: Spoiler for Ten years ago: Late afternoon by the calm coastline of the city, waves from the sea brush lightly against the shore and leaves gradient shades along its golden sandy shore. Young Inami and Tsurugi stroll barefooted along the coastline dressed in sleeveless tees and shorts. “Oww…!” Inami clutches his right forearm with a short whimper. Urged to attend to him, Tsurugi quickly holds up his right arm. “You’re a real dummy… Why would you even think of putting your hand in the way of the door when I’m closing it?” “I can’t help it! I… didn’t want you to lock yourself in like that again…” “But why? I’ll be fine after a while—” “No!” Tsurugi stuns. Her mouth gapped in shock at Inami’s sudden outburst while still holding his arm. “Inami…” He places his other hand on top of hers, looking at her with a wide grin. “We’re friends, aren’t we? Friends should help each other out when they’re in trouble!” “…we’re not.” “What?” Tsurugi drops her head in disappointment while Inami’s mind enters a state of panic. He feels her hand trembling below his and bites his lip as she firms her grip and looks up to him. “W… W-We’re not friends!” She lashes out, releases his hand then runs away. “Wha… Tsurugi! Tsurugi! Come back!” With his mind still in chaos, Inami immediately runs after her. ' Basically Tsurugi's trying to nail the "Want to be more than friends" kind of thing into Inami, who doesn't quite get it. __________________ "You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album. ...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame."

2012-09-06, 05:28	Link #36443
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	Haven't really seen gurren lagann. I'll have to keep the explosions relatively small... maybe the explosive power of a thermonuclear bomb? None thus far have become full stars anyway.

2012-09-06, 06:20	Link #36447
DarkJak2050 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011	[Yawns] Fanfics updated... Ichikas Trust Ch. 10 Infinite-Stratos Angelic Descent Ch. 8 Blind Fate Ch. 4 Project Silverback Ch. 7 (Revised Ver.) Long overdue update... Good night...

2012-09-06, 06:20	Link #36448
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	She's pretty mature for a seven year old. __________________

2012-09-06, 06:22	Link #36449
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	That came out wrong indeed. I can see Inami being misunderstood, this is one of the most realistic love/friendship (comrades/best freind/soulmate etc) tropes that still have a lot of drama potential, which is why it's commonly used without being too cliche __________________

2012-09-06, 06:52	Link #36451
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Most 7 year olds don't think of being BF and GF at such a young age. __________________

2012-09-06, 06:59	Link #36452
StratoSpear Titans Test Team Pilot Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: The Elysium	Point taken. Though I should probably point out that those two were living under the same roof at that point of time. The Katami family took Inami under their wing after he lost his parents. __________________ "You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album. ...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame."

2012-09-06, 07:01	Link #36453
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	...Then she'd think even less. Westermarck effect shows kids living under the same roof tend to end up thinking like brother and sister. __________________

2012-09-06, 07:05	Link #36454
StratoSpear Titans Test Team Pilot Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: The Elysium	And the above scene doesn't quite explicitly mentioned that she wanted him to be her boyfriend, did she? All she mentioned is that "they're not friends". Being like brother and sister is also a step above friend-level. __________________ "You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album. ...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame."

2012-09-06, 07:08	Link #36455
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Westermarck effect is the cause of "Unlucky Childhood Friend" everywhere. Hence I said I understand, I have quite similar scenario myself, except it took opposite approach where the comment is too fabulous for context __________________

2012-09-06, 07:10	Link #36456
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Stratos - Well, I hope that they have a very good sibling relationship/platonic symbiosis then @ Senpai - Ichika's type of girl is Chifuyu, right? __________________

2012-09-06, 07:15	Link #36457
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Precisely a cool, mature nadeshiko kind with a great body. Hence he's tempted when Houki don't talk too much, and don't enchanted with Tate's beauty __________________

2012-09-06, 07:17	Link #36459
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Isn't Laura everything but Mature body? Side note - Draft almost done @ Stratos - Absence makes the heart go yonder Also, how about a rescue event? Falling into a river tends to be common. __________________

2012-09-06, 07:25	Link #36460
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	@ Eras Nope, Ichika remarked that her personality is cute, but too strange (post meltdown, that is) @ Stratos Since they're both 12, even the smallest stuff that could entice their still-developing sexuality could leave a big impact. For example, suddenly feel a strange feeling when holding hand, or worse, full body contact. And as Eras said, full body contact during extreme but realistic situation, such as falling into a river or tripped on a stairs. __________________