Dating

[Vexx]

.... I can only speak for myself but some of my favorite friends over my life are lesbians. It put quite an interesting spin on girl-watching at sidewalk cafes.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

Heh... I'll try and bare that in mind. Although I suspect for some guys, the need to have perfect timing is partly a matter of nerves - putting the matter off until you know you're not going to get another shot that good.

Partly that, or partly because the pressure of wanting to ask becomes unbearable.

For the first girl I ever asked out, it was like that. I could see her any time I wanted, but it took me about a week to muster up the courage to ask her out. By the end of the week, I was incredibly anxious. It seemed like I was randomly running into her more often than usual, and every time I did my heart would race as I tried to think about how I could turn that chance meeting into an opportunity to ask her out. But invariably the question would not be asked, and I'd feel disappointed. And very anxious, because I knew that I'd see her again and that I wanted to ask. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore - my nerves were frazzled, and on one particular day I thought to myself that today would be the day, I'd put an end to it, and I went up to her and asked.

The rejection was pleasant, you could say. I think that my delivery went well, but I was too nice and didn't follow some of the methodology available to pressuring her into it. But it was for the better - she skillfully deflected me, I took the hint, and I must say that as I walked away from her I smiled and felt as if a huge weight had been taken off of me. I'd finally asked a girl out, I could do it again; I'd been rejected, and it actually wasn't that bad; I couldn't be with her, but there would be others. Arguably the only casualty was that she avoided me for a year after that, but I suppose it was understandable.

The other two girls I asked out (which resulted in acceptances) were really a matter of psyching myself out. Both were practically pushing me to ask them out and were near bursting to answer with a "yes" but for much of the time I was deliberating about fancy details like how, when, and where I should ask the question, completely oblivious to their attraction to me. For some girls I think those details in how you ask are incredibly important, but in hindsight it was a lot of wasted effort and stress on my part. It seems a bit silly.

Anyway, that was largely just a walk down memory lane for me. Rejection really isn't that bad, and don't worry - cute girls weren't created on a single day only. Even if this one gets away, there'll be others. Heck, rejections make life colorful! A few years from a rejection you can come back to an internet message forum and reminisce over it, all while under the guise of giving helpful advice and cheer That's a fair bit of fun right there, let me tell you!

Good luck.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Shinoto

What's this fascination women have with having to have that Gay friend?

I'll give you the "generic" answer for that.
Will and Grace
What falls under that is:
- He'll never view you sexually
- He'll lust over guys with you
- Has all the benefits and simplicity of being a man but again no 'risk' of him falling for you
- They're a wee bit more in tune with their emotions
- They know how to bitch xD
- They're the 'nice guy' who have no issues with being a 'nice guy' cause hey you're not their type of eye candy.
Typically self conscious with their appearance, can offer good tips alike a female but be straight out honest and frank with you.

And a few more I have personally to me, though tbh the friend I have didn't become my friend cause of his sexuality (I found that out after) - but just cause we got on so damn well.
That he was gay was kinda a "bonus", I finally had someone I could be shallow with and lust over male models xD

Originally Posted by Fome

So how come guys don't typically have lesbian friends?

Again being general, but it’s typically a fantasy thing with men more than women have with men (yaoi girls do not count)
"Two hot lesbians, two hot women kissing, etc etc" </jaded>
Hetero men love women so to have two is like ‘more of a good thing’, so I’ve been told.
Also I wonder, but I don’t think guys typically view lesbians as the "nice girl that I’ve always wanted but will never have sex with" – he may be drawn to some kind of physical attraction towards her at some point during their friendship but then again I’m being general for general’s sake in response to your question.

For each friendship, there are exceptions

[Throne Invader]

Not to mention alot of gay people have an amazing sense of humor They're super fun to hang out with. Somehow they know how to bring the punch line in everything and they are mostly very caring. I agree with Mystique and Narona that gay guys are mostly "nice guys" but they can put up a fight. Not necessarily with fists or anything, but I know gay guys who can really talk trash. The scene is quite different compared to a straight guy who trashtalks especially when the gay guy has an accent

[Jazzrat]

Originally Posted by Narona

Interesting view, but does the man still keep his "fling ladder" active once he's in love with a potential wife?

(I'm curious, for which post did you get neg-repped ?_?)

That's purely individual, some guys lose sexual interest in their flings once they have their potentials, some kept on going at it even after marriage. Diffferent guys, different choices.

(the cooking poll and this one as well , looks like i found a friend on animesuki)

Originally Posted by Witchburn

Not to mention alot of gay people have an amazing sense of humor They're super fun to hang out with. Somehow they know how to bring the punch line in everything and they are mostly very caring. I agree with Mystique and Narona that gay guys are mostly "nice guys" but they can put up a fight. Not necessarily with fists or anything, but I know gay guys who can really talk trash. The scene is quite different compared to a straight guy who trashtalks especially when the gay guy has an accent

Gay guys are still guys, just with a different sexual orientation . I know lots of women who likes to chat with gay guys because they could be really open to them without being worried about any romantic implication and gain a guys' opinion.

Originally Posted by Fome

So how come guys don't typically have lesbian friends?

Lesbians aren't as common back then as now but they are fun to hang out with as well. I know one who i could talk geeky and dirty as well as any other guy buddy i have.

Originally Posted by Mystique

Hetero men love women so to have two is like ‘more of a good thing’, so I’ve been told.
Also I wonder, but I don’t think guys typically view lesbians as the "nice girl that I’ve always wanted but will never have sex with" – he may be drawn to some kind of physical attraction towards her at some point during their friendship but then again I’m being general for general’s sake in response to your question.

Nah, we are all secretly hoping the girls invite us along for a romp together

[ChainLegacy]

Originally Posted by Narona

I have a question though, given what you said (if we consider that what you said is true) do you think that all fathers have occasional sexual thoughts about their own (pretty) daughters who are, besides being their daughters, female individuals? Or do you think that something in their brain (for most of them) can prevent them to have such thoughts?

I think it definitely happens to people who would be appalled by such thoughts (and yet we cannot truly control the fact that we're animals, on some level), but I recall reading about something called the Westermarck effect, which suppresses a sexual viewpoint towards family members. I'm not sure if this only applied to children, though.

[Jazzrat]

Originally Posted by ChainLegacy

I think it definitely happens to people who would be appalled by such thoughts (and yet we cannot truly control the fact that we're animals, on some level), but I recall reading about something called the Westermarck effect, which suppresses a sexual viewpoint towards family members. I'm not sure if this only applied to children, though.

I think this depends on how much family value a person has. I have a few cousins who are very pretty but there's no sexual attraction to them cause they are my cousins.

[npcomplete]

Originally Posted by Jazzrat

I think this depends on how much family value a person has. I have a few cousins who are very pretty but there's no sexual attraction to them cause they are my cousins.

AFAIK there's nothing biologically innate to deter against this. As disturbing as it may be for some, this used to be more common some time back, particularly with royalty around the world from a few centuries to a few millenia back. The Westermarck effect describes a type of psychological imprinting where children who are raised together from birth to at least age 6 are sexually desensitized to each other, lessening any physical attraction between them. The wikipedia entry also states:

When close proximity during this critical period does not occur—for example, where a brother and sister are brought up separately, never meeting one another—they may find one another highly sexually attractive when they meet as adults.

as illustrated by this German news story about two siblings:

..The couple, who live near Leipzig, grew up separately and only met many years later.
..After a life spent in children's homes, Mr Stübing was reunited with his mother, Annemarie, in Leipzig in 2000, when he met his sister for the first time.
..Ms Stübing shook her head when asked if the couple felt guilty about their relationship. "No," she said. "I just want us to be able to live together."

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Mystique

I'll give you the "generic" answer for that.
Will and Grace
What falls under that is:
- He'll never view you sexually
- He'll lust over guys with you
- Has all the benefits and simplicity of being a man but again no 'risk' of him falling for you
- They're a wee bit more in tune with their emotions
- They know how to bitch xD
- They're the 'nice guy' who have no issues with being a 'nice guy' cause hey you're not their type of eye candy.
Typically self conscious with their appearance, can offer good tips alike a female but be straight out honest and frank with you.

And a few more I have personally to me, though tbh the friend I have didn't become my friend cause of his sexuality (I found that out after) - but just cause we got on so damn well.
That he was gay was kinda a "bonus", I finally had someone I could be shallow with and lust over male models xD

You said it all. Well said, well said xD You deserve a rep. (edit: it says i can't rep you yet >o<)

And they have no ego problem in comparison to some heterosexual guys who try to never do anything that could make her look "homosexual" in the eyes of the other people. (example: rejecting to play on my pink Nintendo DS just because it could make them look gay)

Originally Posted by Fome

So how come guys don't typically have lesbian friends?

Because it doesn't stop many guys to feel sexually attracted by a lesbian, and/or by two lesbians making love.

Well, Mystique well explained it And as Vexx pointed it out with his own example, there are men who have lesbians among their dear friends.

Originally Posted by Witchburn

Not to mention alot of gay people have an amazing sense of humor They're super fun to hang out with. Somehow they know how to bring the punch line in everything and they are mostly very caring. I agree with Mystique and Narona that gay guys are mostly "nice guys" but they can put up a fight. Not necessarily with fists or anything, but I know gay guys who can really talk trash. The scene is quite different compared to a straight guy who trashtalks especially when the gay guy has an accent

Well, when people think about gay people, some of them think they are all weak, can't put a fight, etc.

Anyway, it's fun to hang out with some of them. I particulary enjoy to talk/hang out with one I know, because he shares the same crazy passion for the clothes as me He enjoys clothes, dressmaking, doesn't flee in front of pink color etc.

Originally Posted by Jazzrat

That's purely individual, some guys lose sexual interest in their flings once they have their potentials, some kept on going at it even after marriage. Diffferent guys, different choices.

(the cooking poll and this one as well , looks like i found a friend on animesuki)

Yeah, there are many different individuals. Even men who seem to have a low sexual drive. Anyway, I dislike those who kept having flings once married while being trusted as faithful by their wife/husband /personal opinion

(For the cooking poll? Cooking for your beloved person is sexist? XD Looks like you found a weird friend )

Gay guys are still guys, just with a different sexual orientation . I know lots of women who likes to chat with gay guys because they could be really open to them without being worried about any romantic implication and gain a guys' opinion.

That's why they can give opinions about guys' pov to a girl :3

This discussion made me think that we haven't talked about another topic yet , but there are also the bisexual people out there. There was a TV Program recently on the french TV, and they said there are more and more bisexual people here in France.

Nah, we are all secretly hoping the girls invite us along for a romp together

Pervert!

This whole discussion was really fun

Originally Posted by ChainLegacy

I think it definitely happens to people who would be appalled by such thoughts (and yet we cannot truly control the fact that we're animals, on some level), but I recall reading about something called the Westermarck effect, which suppresses a sexual viewpoint towards family members. I'm not sure if this only applied to children, though.

I tend to believe that if somebody can not feel any sexual attraction towards his/her family members, there are a few indivisuals who can also develop something similar towards the other girls/boys once they are in couple.

On the family topic, I can't imagine my father to be sexually excited when his daughters are hugging him (which happens often)... XD

[ChainLegacy]

Originally Posted by Narona

I tend to believe that if somebody can not feel any sexual attraction towards his/her family members, there are a few indivisuals who can also develop something similar towards the other girls/boys once they are in couple.

We cannot rule this out, but I think it is at least somewhat beneficial from a biological perspective for the males to sometimes have such promiscuous thoughts. In modern times, it isn't so important, but considering the harsher conditions our ancient ancestors had to put up with, mating often was probably a necessity, and, thus, we still have such inclinations.

[0utf0xZer0]

Update:
Well, she said she probably wouldn't be making the post convention meet, but I didn't outright get rejected either. I'm not sure if that's just her being polite or if she has other reasons for not making it and just didn't want to go into details.

As I've used up my excuse for e-mailing her (the con photos), I'm thinking that my best chance of keeping things from going completely cold is to ask if she has MSN or the like. Although I do worry a bit I'm just delaying an inevitable confession here.

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

I took the hint, and I must say that as I walked away from her I smiled and felt as if a huge weight had been taken off of me. I'd finally asked a girl out, I could do it again; I'd been rejected, and it actually wasn't that bad; I couldn't be with her, but there would be others.

We do find ourselves smiling at the strangest of times...

[King Lycan]

I Just got the "I just want to be friends" response first time of my life ever
I liked her a lot I actually consider her my high school crush where do i go wrong
Had a feeling deep down in my gut that something would go wrong ...i really going to need to go party for a while

[whitepearl]

Maybe she wasn't ready?

How long were you speaking to her?

[King Lycan]

I mean basically the whole school year

[Narona]

Maybe she really just sees you only as a friend. If that's the case, nothing went wrong, she just doesn't love you romantically from the start.

Maybe I am a bit blunt, sorry xD

But maybe I'm wrong. You should try to talk to her about that if you want to be sure.

[whitepearl]

Originally Posted by King Lycan

I mean basically the whole school year

It appears (at first glance) to be a friendzoning.

She values your friendship too much to try and pursue anything romantic.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by whitepearl

It appears (at first glance) to be a friendzoning.

She values your friendship too much to try and pursue anything romantic.

I don't say you're wrong, but that's what some boys tend to assume too much. I don't see what in her reply:

I just want to be friends

Could imply that. King Lycan will have to tell us "how" she said it (the tone she used can give a lot of informations), and if she said something else.
I know what I mean since it happened that i gave that answer, and in my case it was not "i fear for our friendship", it was just "i never felt anything romantic for you".

[whitepearl]

Originally Posted by Narona

I don't say you're wrong, but that's what some boys tend to assume too much. I don't see what in her reply:



Could imply that. King Lycan will have to tell us "how" she said it (the tone she used can give a lot of informations), and if she said something else.
I know what I mean since it happened that i gave that answer, and in my case it was not "i fear for our friendship", it was just "i never felt anything romantic for you".

I've had 72956 potential relationships with women get thwarted because she just wanted to be friends (rough estimate).

We assume because women NEVER get to the point and throw all sorts of smokescreen answers at us.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by whitepearl

I've had 72956 potential relationships with women get thwarted because she just wanted to be friends (rough estimate).

We assume because women NEVER get to the point and throw all sorts of smokescreen answers at us.

You mean that they don't say it clearly? Then I am the exception because if I feel that the boy starts to assume something wrong after a "soft" rejection from me, I say things blunty, even if it can be seen as very mean.

But many girls fear to be seen as mean, so they won't say "I don't love you romantically, we're just friends, so stop dreaming about things that don't exist between you and me"