Dating

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by idiffer

no, u don't need that to KNOW. u need it for it to FEEL like a relationship. we can put labels, but in the end, u can't deceive feelings

I respecfully have to disagree. You really don't need sex to feel love between you and her. Sex comes as a result of the strong feelings the two have for each other. You have sex because you feel like you're in a relationship, not in order to feel or make it feel like one. If people don't already have strong feelings of love, they're just friends with benefits at best.

Originally Posted by idiffer

you don't need life for it to feel like life
u don't need to hear for it to be music
y don't need to see for it to be a painting
we'll put words on the walls
and ideas in head
we'll drift in the halls
healthy and fed
@idiffer 2011

you don't need sex for it to be a relationship

[Miko Miko]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Go to school.

I actually wish I could.

Originally Posted by Kafriel

Start off by finding out the hours during which you can call him, first few days are always rough! As for you, uuuuh...

Great time to focus on either. If you can't or won't do any of the above, at least get some friends and hang out all week, it can be really fun if...well, if they're funny

Well yesterday evening he text me basically saying that he might be able to facebook me at lunchtime during the week. But so far he hasn't been able to get on.. but i appreciate he is busy.. anddd.. it's harder to get friends than you think for me, I'm not the most outgoing person, and literally everyone I am friends with it at school/work/college.. so I can only see them on days off, lunch hours and stuff. Which is kind of sucky, not sure really where to find some new friends round here?

Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy

Consider this an excellent opportunity to focus on yourself, because really, your relationship shouldn't be so all-consuming that when your boyfriend is absent, you don't know what to do with yourself: that's a situation that leads to dependency and desperation.

Sounds like you need a constructive, productive hobby! Might I recommend learning an instrument, or perhaps reading books?

Not big in reading and I don't have an instrument to learn?
But I definately need a hobby.. or a job.
And I don't want to be that dependent or desperate.. that's just not me.

Originally Posted by cheyannew

Besides the fact we live in the digital age, where webchat, cell phones, etc mean you're never REALLY far from a loved one, this is a great chance to do things with your friends, or stuff your bf isn't necessarily into.

I also agree about the whole dependency thing, though you didn't mention how long you two've been together. You guys could very well be in the "newlywed stage", aka NRE (New Relationship Energy), where you're spending a lot of time together. If so, then it's understandable to a degree. That makes these 3 months all the more important; if you can both go separate ways (such as it is), and reunite when it's over and still want to be together, good on ya!

Long story short? Enjoy the time, do stuff you want to do, hang out with friends, and keep in touch if he wants to as well. If he says let's take a break or anything, take it, see where it leads for you both.

Now's also the time you'll want to clarify if seeing other people is an option or desired thing, just so it's out there as being ok or not ok.

But I don't want to 'see other people' that's not what we want. We've been together since the beginning of November. So not very long, but ofc we want to keep in touch with eachother and not see anyone else?

Originally Posted by idiffer

what i forgot to say is, don't call, don't chat on IRC or skype. because all that will make u miss him even MORE. no, the daily chat over ICQ does not suffice. u will want sex, and u cant have it and that will frustrate u both and well...its all sad from there....

Well for one, I don't want to not speak to him for 3 months. He likes to know what's going on here and I like to know how he's getting on? I'm not just going to blank him for 3 months. That's rude. And it's not about sex, sex is the least important aspect of our relationship to be honest.

Originally Posted by Kafriel

And people are surprised they get cheated on...seriously just wtf are you smoking when you're posting?

Friend of mine ditched his girl, because she didn't give a damn about him when he was in the army. In his words, "I'm not your personal toy to play around with while I'm here". Keeping the relationship as alive as possible is a #1 priority.

Agree 100%

Originally Posted by Knightrunner

^^^
Miko Miko: I would suggest hanging out with your friends or get into hobbies that you liked before you met your bf. Action and comical movies sure can pass the time. This can be your chance to build up interesting adventures to converse with your bf when he comes back.

I'm just going to find a hobby. Maybe watch some anime, play some games and hope 3 months flies by.


Thanks for the replies. Some more appreciated than others.

[idiffer]

Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi

I respecfully have to disagree. You really don't need sex to feel love between you and her. Sex comes as a result of the strong feelings the two have for each other. You have sex because you feel like you're in a relationship, not in order to feel or make it feel like one. If people don't already have strong feelings of love, they're just friends with benefits at best.

you don't need sex for it to a relationship

man, u ruined such a poetic moment...

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

I actually wish I could.

Well for one, I don't want to not speak to him for 3 months. He likes to know what's going on here and I like to know how he's getting on? I'm not just going to blank him for 3 months. That's rude. And it's not about sex, sex is the least important aspect of our relationship to be honest.

my posts should be read completely. and i don't mean sex alone. seeing, touching a person - that sort of thing. and if that isn't the important aspect, why would u go and ask internet ppl for advice on how to deal with him being away?

[Kafriel]

touching a person - that sort of thing. and if that isn't the important aspect

Sometimes people can touch and grope and try all they want and still not reach out to their partner. The most important thing in a relationship, is understanding. You have to reach another's heart in order to love and be loved in return, and if you can't do that...might as well live in the net.

Well yesterday evening he text me basically saying that he might be able to facebook me at lunchtime during the week. But so far he hasn't been able to get on.. but i appreciate he is busy.. anddd.. it's harder to get friends than you think for me, I'm not the most outgoing person, and literally everyone I am friends with it at school/work/college.. so I can only see them on days off, lunch hours and stuff. Which is kind of sucky, not sure really where to find some new friends round here?

I assume you work, but since you had said you used to spend all day with him, I take it you were working together?

[Mr.Raw]

Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi

Love is not a means through which you express your carnal desires, but to have someone with whom you can share you life with, create a connection with by way of knowing each other (not by way of sex). To love someone is to love every aspect of them, not just simply to sleep with.

Funfact: Love is a production of a brain part we humans gained through evolution --> The Amygdalae

Muhahahahaha...I like this idiffer guy, not many members have the guts (or should I say, stupidiy?) to say ''such'' things so blunt

As for the sex/love discussion:
In my opinion there should be a balance between sex and ''social stuff''. Yes, understanding each other is very important, heck I should say the most important in a relationship. Sex IS NOT the most important thing in a relationship, but it is needed. Every brain has the prehistoric instinct to make love and have children. But for humans there are some exceptions, like asexuals or anorexia people (homosexuals are a different story, explaining them would be offtopic IMO). How could one organism ignore the most important instinct, which it to EAT?

Then there is kissing, foreplay and other stuff...I'd call that ''Soft sex''
...*is shot*

I seriously wouldn't recommend long distance relationships. I have seen too many people suffering from it.

Excuse me for my bad English ...Then again, I'm just 16 and have never been in a relationship. The adults may know better.

[Kafriel]

I seriously wouldn't recommend long distance relationships.

Nobody likes being in one, but most people would choose that instead of breaking up.

Sex IS NOT the most important thing in a relationship, but it is needed.

Ah, is it really? To the best of my recollection, in the days of old, people would first get to date for a long time, then get engaged, then get married, and then engage in coitus. Of course nowadays people want and have the freedom to sleep with whoever they want at any given age, but just because you can do it doesn't necessarily mean you have to. And to be more realistic and more on topic, judging from Miko's age I wouldn't recommend sex to anyone below 18 as I deem it to be one of the things that come with age.

[RadiantBeam]

I... just... GAH! I hate this boy, dammit!

I don't usually hate people my friends date. In general, I like to get along with them. If I can't, I like to keep our interaction down to a minimum so that there isn't any trouble caused between them and my friends. But when you have the nerve to tell my best friend that she should interact with me less and not joke around with me as much because you're around... GAH!

Goddammit. I've known her longer than you. You have no right to push me out of her life just because you're jealous, you sad, pathetic little boy. I seriously hope she dumps you soon. I'm waiting for it.

....

That was more rant-ish than I intended it to be...

[Mr.Raw]

@kafriel
Totally agree with you on the age thing. I do believe in ''no sex before marriage''. So when I talk about a relationship, I talk about being with someone who you really want to spend your life with. Patience is the key to most successful relationships

[Simon]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

But when you have the nerve to tell my best friend that she should interact with me less and not joke around with me as much because you're around... GAH!

Eww, it's never good when a guy tries to separate a girl from her friends. I know too many women who've ended up with insecure control-freak bfs and the results are always ugly. IMO his behaviour is even more reason for you to ignore him and spend time with her when you want to.

That was more rant-ish than I intended it to be...

That's OK, better to rant here than punch him out in front of her.

[Kafriel]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I... just... GAH! I hate this boy, dammit!

I don't usually hate people my friends date. In general, I like to get along with them. If I can't, I like to keep our interaction down to a minimum so that there isn't any trouble caused between them and my friends. But when you have the nerve to tell my best friend that she should interact with me less and not joke around with me as much because you're around... GAH!

Goddammit. I've known her longer than you. You have no right to push me out of her life just because you're jealous, you sad, pathetic little boy. I seriously hope she dumps you soon. I'm waiting for it.

....

That was more rant-ish than I intended it to be...

I'm having some memory issues, but...deva ju? Or is this another guy who told you the same thing?

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

I'm having some memory issues, but...deva ju? Or is this another guy who told you the same thing?

Nope, it's the same guy. It's been the same guy for awhile now, and I'm seriously getting sick of him.

[synaesthetic]

@Miko Miko,

Seriously.

Go to school.

Just fucking do it.

If I can get into college and start my major in electrical engineering, while unemployed, homeless and basically totally broke, you can absolutely do it living in your family's home and being supported (financially and otherwise) by them.

Edit: And while you're at it, major in engineering!

[GDB]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Nope, it's the same guy. It's been the same guy for awhile now, and I'm seriously getting sick of him.

Sounds like he's butthurt about not getting a threesome.

[Kafriel]

If I can get into college and start my major in electrical engineering, while unemployed, homeless and basically totally broke, you can absolutely do it living in your family's home and being supported (financially and otherwise) by them.

Fellow engineers, unite! Good luck Syn

Nope, it's the same guy. It's been the same guy for awhile now, and I'm seriously getting sick of him.

Can't remember the previous discussion, but I'll throw out a few options just in case...#1:

Goddammit. I've known her longer than you. You have no right to push me out of her life just because you're jealous, you sad, pathetic little boy. I seriously hope she dumps you soon. I'm waiting for it.

Say this :P Really depends on your character though, and the impact your opinion has on the things he does.
#2: Play hurt in front of him. Although I can tell it is very frustrating, maybe he can't see it, so going a bit over the top and bringing the drama to him might make him regret ever making a girl sad.
#3: Tell your friend he's being an idiot. She'll handle him...

Personally, I'm a fan of number three, because she can see the side of him that you see, and if that fails, at least you tried it her way and you can do whatever you want afterwards.

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I... just... GAH! I hate this boy, dammit!

I don't usually hate people my friends date. In general, I like to get along with them. If I can't, I like to keep our interaction down to a minimum so that there isn't any trouble caused between them and my friends. But when you have the nerve to tell my best friend that she should interact with me less and not joke around with me as much because you're around... GAH!

Goddammit. I've known her longer than you. You have no right to push me out of her life just because you're jealous, you sad, pathetic little boy. I seriously hope she dumps you soon. I'm waiting for it.

....

That was more rant-ish than I intended it to be...

It seems like the guy needs to grow up a bit. I don't know the guy so I can't say much but from everything I've heard it seems like he got shot down of his delusion of a threesome and is now "buthurt" about it like someone said before. So basically: he's a kid who just had his parents refuse to buy him an expensive toy and is throwing a fit.

How to deal with it is a bit tricky: ignoring him might work if your friend is fully aware of the problem as well and can work to tone him down so he'll drop the issue. But since I'm not very good at dealing with such issues don't take my word for it.

All I can really add is that I understand how a guy might feel threatened by such a close relationship. With another girl is a bit unusual but since I can understand why it would be so with another dude I can kind of understand it working with a girl as well and that's why I say he needs to grow up. To him I would say: "So your gf has a really close friend and you feel like that's not fair: TOUGH, DEAL WITH IT! If you like the girl you just have to f***ing respect her opinions." but that would be from dude to dude.

PS: now back to cramming for tomorrows exam. Last one, finally gonna get my life back.

[Marlan35]

Ahh, now i have finally talked about the sex blah blah blah with my parents, they had no problem at all with it () and then there was a VERRRRRYYYYYY long conversation about safety, ect. Yay, finaly got it done. Thanks for the tips all, i love u guys and girls <3

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by Marlan35

Ahh, now i have finally talked about the sex blah blah blah with my parents, they had no problem at all with it () and then there was a VERRRRRYYYYYY long conversation about safety, ect. Yay, finaly got it done. Thanks for the tips all, i love u guys and girls <3

We have a saying here in my country: It's talking that we all understand each other.

Good to hear that

[JuGG]

Originally Posted by GDB

Sounds like he's butthurt about not getting a threesome.

This made me giggle if that's the case, he's sure ballsy/moody. But you never know, that could be the reason. ^_^

Otherwise I'd suggest approaching your friend about it unless you think she may get overly defensive about him. Otherwise, you might have to let it pan out (/something may boil over before hand...).

[whitepearl]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I... just... GAH! I hate this boy, dammit!

I don't usually hate people my friends date. In general, I like to get along with them. If I can't, I like to keep our interaction down to a minimum so that there isn't any trouble caused between them and my friends. But when you have the nerve to tell my best friend that she should interact with me less and not joke around with me as much because you're around... GAH!

Goddammit. I've known her longer than you. You have no right to push me out of her life just because you're jealous, you sad, pathetic little boy. I seriously hope she dumps you soon. I'm waiting for it.

....

That was more rant-ish than I intended it to be...

The guy sounds like he is immensely insecure.

[Khu]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

@Miko Miko,

Seriously.

Go to school.

Just fucking do it.

If I can get into college and start my major in electrical engineering, while unemployed, homeless and basically totally broke, you can absolutely do it living in your family's home and being supported (financially and otherwise) by them.

Edit: And while you're at it, major in engineering!

goddamn engineers...while I like building stuff, I don't like the maths that comes with it. :/

Minecraft is basically my entire engineering perfect world. lol.

(Floating glass houses ftw!)

But yeah, just on that note: DO NOT COUNT THE DAYS.

COUNTING THE DAYS MAKES IT SEEM SLOWER.

DO NOT COUNT THE DAYS.