Dating

[klowny]

Originally Posted by Envy II

I'm just talking about one person. Sorry for the confusion!

I wouldn't date two people!

It would be fun to try it Once

Anyone got any good pick up lines to say to a shy girl?

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by klowny

Anyone got any good pick up lines to say to a shy girl?

Shy girls are stereotypically the thinking types. Pickup lines don't work unless you can charm her through cheesy comedy. You're better off finding some form of common ground between the two of you and striking up a conversation that way. If you can charm her through some form of physical intrigue (good looks, making her think you're into her and thereby getting her into you - that sort of thing) that can also be a start.

[Jazzrat]

It's important to make a girl laugh. Learn how to tease them with light flirting and humour. If a guy can make a girl laugh, then you already score a point with them. Be a gentleman as well. Not need to go overboard with it, just simple gestures would do.

Dating a few guys is fine, especially once people are old enough to realize a date is not marriage . Granted after certain point of relationship, you should make an effort to stick with your date.

[jonli]

Just wondering.

What do you guys think about interracial dating?

Not just interracial, but inter-cultural dating?

[stubby42]

Your suggesting that theirs actually something to think about?

If two people love each other they'll adapt to each others differences.

[jonli]

Originally Posted by stubby42

Your suggesting that theirs actually something to think about?

If two people love each other they'll adapt to each others differences.

Relax, I didn't mean it that way.

I was just wondering, for all those people out there in an interracial relationship, what kind of problems did you have to overcome?

Family? Friends? Language barriers? Distance? Etc?

PS: Why are asian guys less desirable? If you don't think so, why don't you?

Just curious.

[Jazzrat]

asian guys arent less desirable, just that foreigner are just more exotic.
Dating someone from another culture comes with it's own set of problem. They behave differently, have different expectations, different priority.

But hey, nothing wrong exploring a relationship with them if you are attracted to that person.

[jonli]

Originally Posted by Jazzrat

asian guys arent less desirable, just that foreigner are just more exotic.
Dating someone from another culture comes with it's own set of problem. They behave differently, have different expectations, different priority.

But hey, nothing wrong exploring a relationship with them if you are attracted to that person.

Let's assume it's an american mid-western society. Where the caucasian population is considered the "default", in that case asian guys are considered "foreign" right? But the same privileges are not usually applied to them. Why is that?

PS: I'm from an asian country. I'm just trying to further understand other perspectives on this situation. A lot of my friends do not find women from other races attractive, i'm just wondering if this is because of upbringing or because of how asian guys are not exactly on the top of the list of "hot guys".

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by jonli

I was just wondering, for all those people out there in an interracial relationship, what kind of problems did you have to overcome?

I come from a Jewish background, and my fiancee is Chinese-American (her mother is 1st generation, though). The expectations and values behind both cultures are relatively similar - family expectations, emphasis on strong all-around performance and education, those are similar.

Some things required getting used to. Being the only "white guy" at family gatherings was something at first, but not a huge issue. Family expectations (and playing diplomat) was another hard area. Asian families in general seem to be very distant when it comes to member relationships. They don't get too close to one another or discuss too much about their personal lives with one another. On the other hand, my family was used to that sort of closeness (including all of the in-fighting that comes with it). So there was no issue with me and her family, but I had to iron out some concerns on my family's part that maybe my fiancee didn't like them or was too intimidated by them because she wasn't conversing in the open manner that we're used to doing with each other.

Yes, dealing with the other's family is an important aspect to consider. As someone once told me, when you're marrying a person, you're not just marrying them, but their entire family.

Originally Posted by jonli

PS: Why are asian guys less desirable? If you don't think so, why don't you?

Just curious.

I'm a guy, so I don't have any advice on this one. I'd hazard a guess that it's because many Asian guys are either too shy (zero display of confidence) or borderline arrogant, and those two extremes are turn-offs to girls. On the other hand, I've seen plenty of guys from any other race who don't seem fit to have a relationship with even a plant, being fawned over by girls left and right. Female opinions would be more valuable, I suppose, but given that this is an anime forum I wouldn't be surprised if many people here have an Asian fetish.

Actually, I think I remember something about this from a psychology class that I took. Part of it had to do with the expectations of males from different cultures. In the traditional Asian cultures, the male was extremely domineering over the female. In the westernized cultures (at least some) there's a greater level of equality. Females exposed to the westernized lifestyle don't want to return to the traditional gender roles when at home. Hence, Asian males - whether the male individual harbors those expectations or not - represent a link to that gender inequality, and thus are undesirable. On the other hand, Asian females are extremely desirable to practically everyone else because they're stereotyped as being very well-mannered, and it seems to me that there's currently a trend in society where Asian features are seen as being very attractive.

If that's all true, it could also explain why places like Japan are having difficulty with their birth and marriage rates. The population there is largely homogenous, so for women it's an Asian man or no man. Japan has been westernized, and unsurprisingly many women are choosing their careers and single lifestyles instead of marriage and the traditional expectations that would come with it (according to news reports).

Perhaps after a few generations those fears will fade out.

[blue skies]

Originally Posted by jonli

Let's assume it's an american mid-western society. Where the caucasian population is considered the "default", in that case asian guys are considered "foreign" right? But the same privileges are not usually applied to them. Why is that?

PS: I'm from an asian country. I'm just trying to further understand other perspectives on this situation. A lot of my friends do not find women from other races attractive, i'm just wondering if this is because of upbringing or because of how asian guys are not exactly on the top of the list of "hot guys".

I can't speak for everyone, but when it comes to dating, I don't think most people care one way or another about race, nationality or ancestry; one isn't more desirable than the other because of skin color or something stupid like that. I wasn't born in the Midwest, but I've lived here most of my life and have never encountered too much closed-mindedness regarding interracial relationships. You might get a few lingering stares from random people sometimes, but that's about it. My boyfriend is of Asian descent, me of Portuguese, and no one seems to notice, let alone care. It might be because we live in a town with a fairly sizable black/Asian/Hispanic population; but when we visit my hometown -- a much smaller college town -- no one seems to notice either. In fact, I see plenty of interracial relationships there too. But I do think it can be worse in very small towns with little racial diversity. One of my old roommates is black and has a white boyfriend, and last year they went to visit his family in their town of about 600. She said she didn't think a few of the people in the grocery store had ever seen a black girl before.

I can't explain why your friends don't find women from other races attractive, and there are certainly people everywhere else in the world who share those feelings. Are they just judging on appearance? Generally, most of my friends don't give a flying fig about someone's race; everyone's fair game. If you're attracted to someone, you're attracted to them, plain and simple. Nothing else matters. There may be a few differences between the two of you, but like stubby42 said, when you love them, you can work it out, and it's not a huge problem. They should accept each other as they are; if you love someone, you won't try to change everything about them.

As far as the foreigner thing goes, I don't think a lot of people rule out a relationship with somebody just because they aren't within their own racial bracket. (And there's a good chance they aren't foreign at all, but were born in this country/are citizens.) When I first met my boyfriend, I didn't think "Foreigner? Hmmmm." I thought, "Wow that's one hot guy" and probably giggled in my mind. I didn't become any more or less interested just because he looked Asian any more than he cared that I had dark hair and eyes or something. It's the same for the people I know who are in interracial relationships; they just don't care. Race is totally insignificant, it doesn't define you and it has nothing to do with the kind of person you are. There's infinitely more to a person than just their race. I'm not saying it's that way for everyone, because obviously (unfortunately) it's not.

But still, even disregarding the dating thing, I don't think that when people here see an Asian guy or someone who looks different from the Caucasian majority they automatically consider them a "foreigner" like you said; it's 2009, not 1950. I think (or maybe I'm just naïve) that most people have gotten away from that mentality. Besides, if you go back far enough, everyone in this country is a "foreigner".

As for specifically Asian men, I don't know. A lot of the ones I've met tend to be quiet and thoughtful -- which is the type I prefer anyway. So for other girls, who may prefer someone more outgoing or wild, it may not work. When it comes to that, though, it's not a matter of race, but of personality preferences. There are quiet and thoughtful or outgoing, charming guys from every racial background imaginable; it isn't just unique to one.

Originally Posted by Jazzrat

It's important to make a girl laugh. Learn how to tease them with light flirting and humour. If a guy can make a girl laugh, then you already score a point with them. Be a gentleman as well. Not need to go overboard with it, just simple gestures would do.

This x 10000000. ;>

[Jazzrat]

Ahhhh asian guys, we are on average either around the same height as caucasian women or shorter. Beady eyes and slimmer stature on guys hasn't really come to fashion yet

Asian guys are low in the hotness chart cause we have shorter dick on average and not as tall as other races and not to mention, there's this subconscious eastern inferiority complex underneath us (afterall, asian civilization was flagging behind for a long time)

But really, i don't think asian guys any different from any other guys when it comes to being shy, arrogant, chauvinistic. I think a lot of asian girls thinks caucasian guys have a better chance at treating them better than their own asian counterpart.. i think they are quite wrong on that.

hmmm... well it's bloody long explanation for this but you can look up the term SPG or Sarong Party Girl for a bit insight into asian girl's fascination with caucasian guys.

[stubby42]

My point is that everyone is different and theres always going to be stuff you have to adapt to, I'm white british and come from a part of the country that isnt ethnically diverse (a recent census put it at 98% white) but for the last two years for about four months at a time I've been living in Saskatchewan Canada which has a similar sort of ethnic diversity i.e almost non.

I suffered a huge culture shock moving out there for the first time, the second time that shock was less pronounced because I was used to it but it still felt different.

Its amazing just how much little things like the differences in food makes you feel homesick, I honestly dont think I could live in America because you cant get HP sauce, something that I've lived off my entire life.

Probably the biggest difference was religion, in the UK if you say your a christian your in the minority, in sask if your an aethist your in the minoritory.

The point is everyone is different, even when your from the same ethnic backgrounds and live in parts of countries that are similarly lacking in diversity but you make things work by being willing to adapt.

I'm not religous but I'm willing to accept the possibility that they could be right and I think that went a long way in helping me fit in with others, I know another person who went on an exchange program who was a die hard aethist who couldnt entertain the possibility that God exists, he alienated himself pretty quickly from everyone else and had a miserable time.

Differences are only an issue if you make them an issue.

[Samari]

Originally Posted by jonli

Relax, I didn't mean it that way.

I was just wondering, for all those people out there in an interracial relationship, what kind of problems did you have to overcome?

Family? Friends? Language barriers? Distance? Etc?

PS: Why are asian guys less desirable? If you don't think so, why don't you?

Just curious.

Well I'm black, and my girlfriend is an international student from Macau (Cantonese). And I'll admit I'm a little weary about introducing her around my family. But it's not because I'm ashamed of her. It has to do with some of my family and their..."primitive" thinking. Extremely long story short, I'll have to just take it slow and eventually introduce her to my family. It's a process.

I actually met some of my girlfriend's family. Via Skype (my girlfriend is back home for three months). It was strange, but cool. They were very nice.

[Miko Miko]

I have a huge crush on someone much older than me, I know them quite well..

Should I confront him?.. or not?.. and just keep it hidden.. I am scared of what he'd think of me afterwards.

[stubby42]

How much older is much older?

the problem is because your under age it presents legal problems, now he might not be doing anything with you per say but if people are aware that your under age and he isnt, people might presume things which could get the both of you in alot of trouble.

Sorry.

[Miko Miko]

^ Must be about 20 years older.. maybe a little more.

I don't want any trouble and I am aware of the law..
but if anyone here is quite old (not being rude!!!) would you want a 15 year old girl telling you she had a crush on you, what would your reaction be?

x

[Shinoto]

Originally Posted by Jazzrat

Ahhhh asian guys, we are on average either around the same height as caucasian women or shorter. Beady eyes and slimmer stature on guys hasn't really come to fashion yet

Asian guys are low in the hotness chart cause we have shorter dick on average and not as tall as other races and not to mention, there's this subconscious eastern inferiority complex underneath us (afterall, asian civilization was flagging behind for a long time)

But really, i don't think asian guys any different from any other guys when it comes to being shy, arrogant, chauvinistic. I think a lot of asian girls thinks caucasian guys have a better chance at treating them better than their own asian counterpart.. i think they are quite wrong on that.

hmmm... well it's bloody long explanation for this but you can look up the term SPG or Sarong Party Girl for a bit insight into asian girl's fascination with caucasian guys.

You're giving yourself too much ****. Your low on the hotness scale because you put yourself there. Everyone has negative physical traits, and stereotypes working against them. It doesn't mean you have to be effect by them though.

Cultural differences, are a different thing lol

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

I have a huge crush on someone much older than me, I know them quite well..

Should I confront him?.. or not?.. and just keep it hidden.. I am scared of what he'd think of me afterwards.

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

^ Must be about 20 years older.. maybe a little more.

I don't want any trouble and I am aware of the law..
but if anyone here is quite old (not being rude!!!) would you want a 15 year old girl telling you she had a crush on you, what would your reaction be?

x

Oh, Imouto-chan. This has to be your most hilarious entry in this thread yet.

According to your scenerio, and if I were the pushing-40 guy in question being confessed to by a girl young enough to be my daughter? Yeah, awkwardness and hilarity definitely would ensue. And if like you said, he knows you quite well? Yup, that's even worse.

From a rational POV, I'd say you shouldn't do anything; most crushes pass with time anyway. But hey, we were all your age once, and for myself at least, I definitely remember how irrational hormones can be at that age.

So yeah, best not to do anything. But hey, if you want a memory of doing something that you'll be kicking yourself for 10 years down the road, go for it.

[FateAnomaly]

^Ya what he said.

[Miko Miko]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Oh, Imouto-chan. This has to be your most hilarious entry in this thread yet.

According to your scenerio, and if I were the pushing-40 guy in question being confessed to by a girl young enough to be my daughter? Yeah, awkwardness and hilarity definitely would ensue. And if like you said, he knows you quite well? Yup, that's even worse.

From a rational POV, I'd say you shouldn't do anything; most crushes pass with time anyway. But hey, we were all your age once, and for myself at least, I definitely remember how irrational hormones can be at that age.

So yeah, best not to do anything. But hey, if you want a memory of doing something that you'll be kicking yourself for 10 years down the road, go for it.

Thanks! I won't!
I can definately see where your coming from!
Thanks ! ~ And I Love Being Called Imouto-Chan