2013-04-21, 11:04 | Link #41624 |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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Izuru always write Tabane as if she's really unlikeable
The Anime OTOH cutting all of her bitch-ass tendency and narrative exposition, made her somewhat funny side character instead of a neutral antagonist. The drawings only made it even worse. hence I said "evil looking novel Tabane" is hardly a surprise.
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2013-04-21, 11:10 | Link #41625 |
That one guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
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Mmm... I'm planning for Tabne in ISxFourze to build n astro switch in less than 8 hours to show Gentarou exactly how backwards his techniology is compared to IS. Also thinking if it's a good idea to completely separate the IS and the dark switches altogether. :/
Still coming to grips with volume 8 content. |
2013-04-21, 14:39 | Link #41626 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
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New crossover.
Fallout New Infinite (Fallout) Edit: Hey guys, it said that the ISA students are curious about guys, right? If they see scars on their face, would that deter them away from guys? Last edited by DarkJak2050; 2013-04-21 at 16:44. |
2013-04-21, 17:55 | Link #41627 |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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Depends on the context of the current expression
If they see a guy with a scar, and frowning, they probably think of delinquents, and most will took a step or two away. If they're smiling, as in, pure unsarcastic-noncynical smile, THEN they might be curious, because most probably it's an accident or something.
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2013-04-21, 18:45 | Link #41628 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
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Quote:
Well, okay. I think what you said first could be the case with my guys. But does it matter what they see first, either a picture of them or actually them? And here's something that I felt that needed to be cleaned up. This is from chapter 7 in the 1st arc. Spoiler for Ch. 7 scene (Before):
Spoiler for Ch. 7 Scene (After):
Which one you guys think is better? Last edited by DarkJak2050; 2013-04-21 at 19:05. |
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2013-04-21, 19:51 | Link #41629 | ||
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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Considering they're younger expies of GoW character.... I'd say they frown, A LOT, especially at the sight of females.
As for the draft, I see you began to use more narrative description than tech term, nice. Anyway this the final product or not? If yes, you can add even more, er, flowery exposition. Minimalism and action don't mix all too well because the readers might misunderstand. For example: Quote:
Let's change it to Quote:
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2013-04-21, 20:06 | Link #41631 |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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Not when he's four inch taller than you, has bicep half the size your torso, and most importantly, is in front of you, and two of you are hardly familiar with each other.
Yeah, it's depend on the situation. All in all, hilarity ensues.
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2013-04-21, 20:09 | Link #41632 |
That one guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
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@zero: actually when writing action it has to be short and concise. Or else you mess up pacing. Action scenes are supposed to be fast. You need to somehow match that pace ASAP. Long explanations of action scenes are generally frowned upon as boring -_-
Though I am guilty as well... But I'm trying to fix this |
2013-04-21, 20:13 | Link #41634 |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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@ Demi
I didn't say to use purple prose, just clear enough explanation of the action. Though you are right on the pacing issue. @ Jak Then explain it with everything, such as the location, the scale, and the effect of that explosion, so readers won't misunderstand.
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Tags |
fanfic ideas, fanfiction, ff.net, harem, is fanfic, warning fanfic spoilers, wincest |
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