Dating

[solomon]

Originally Posted by Dakota

We are all on an Anime forum talking about dating.

If you're reading this, accept the fact that there is little hope for dating (and everything beyond that) as I did.

That's the high school, MTV view of society. Seriously, if nerds and eccentrics didin't procreate how is it that the number of people consuming such odd tastes has multiplied throughout the years.

It's all how you put your mind to it (this is of course if you are genuine about what you said, if you were being sarcastic.....well NUTS TO YA).

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Dakota

did not give me hope

Not meant to give you hope, but state a blantant fact in face of your self imposed pessimism.
Since you feel sorry for yourself and only noted to relate the hobby of anime to dating based on I assume the lonely, social inept young male otaku stereotype, rather than read some of the previous threads here, to talk bout your own thoughts and experiences of dating (or failed dating) then there's nothing anyone can do, eh?
Especially if you as you've so cheekily stated
"Too long, didn't read."
*shrugs and traipses off*

[Miko Miko]

Imouto-chan is back!

Okay so this guy really wants me to be with him. But I really don't want too, he is forcing the question onto me whenever I see him. He is really annoying me but I hate to say no to him. We have been friends for ages but I have been his girlfriend before and he was all clingy and I dumped him. I just want to say no but I want to say it nicely, I am scared of hurting his feelings.

Advice appreciated!

[Ledgem]

Depends on the guy and all, but for me, a clean cut is probably better than a soft let-down. Take me out of my misery early on and let me begin the process of healing and moving on with my life, instead of dancing around and giving me "maybe yes, maybe no" options.

You don't have to tell the guy that he's ugly/annoying or what ever the turn-off is, just tell him that you have no interest in dating him. Period. If he keeps pestering you, just keep telling him no, and start to be cautious about any dangerously obsessive behavior on his part. If you start to notice any, you may want to have a heart-to-heart talk with him (you know, something along the lines of "look, I really want to be friends with you, but your behavior is really creeping me out. I'm sorry that you're into me and I'm not into you, but that's just how it is"). If obsessive behavior persists, do what you can to sever your ties to him to protect yourself. Worst case scenario, alert authorities, get a restraining order instituted, etc.

[Dakota]

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

Imouto-chan is back!

Okay so this guy really wants me to be with him. But I really don't want too, he is forcing the question onto me whenever I see him. He is really annoying me but I hate to say no to him. We have been friends for ages but I have been his girlfriend before and he was all clingy and I dumped him. I just want to say no but I want to say it nicely, I am scared of hurting his feelings.

Advice appreciated!

You tell him no, obviously. If you keep wishywashy and avoiding contact, it'll only hurt him worse. Do him a favor and tell him in person. It's the only way to go.

Originally Posted by Mystique

Not meant to give you hope, but state a blantant fact in face of your self imposed pessimism.
Since you feel sorry for yourself and only noted to relate the hobby of anime to dating based on I assume the lonely, social inept young male otaku stereotype, rather than read some of the previous threads here, so talk bout your own thoughts and experiences of dating (or failed dating) then there's nothing anyone can do, eh?
Especially if you as you've so cheekily stated
"Too long, didn't read."
*shrugs and traipses off*

Yeah, you're 90% correct. Cool story, bro.

[Miko Miko]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

Depends on the guy and all, but for me, a clean cut is probably better than a soft let-down. Take me out of my misery early on and let me begin the process of healing and moving on with my life, instead of dancing around and giving me "maybe yes, maybe no" options.

You don't have to tell the guy that he's ugly/annoying or what ever the turn-off is, just tell him that you have no interest in dating him. Period. If he keeps pestering you, just keep telling him no, and start to be cautious about any dangerously obsessive behavior on his part. If you start to notice any, you may want to have a heart-to-heart talk with him (you know, something along the lines of "look, I really want to be friends with you, but your behavior is really creeping me out. I'm sorry that you're into me and I'm not into you, but that's just how it is"). If obsessive behavior persists, do what you can to sever your ties to him to protect yourself. Worst case scenario, alert authorities, get a restraining order instituted, etc.

Thanks a lot this really helped


and thanks Dakota, when I see him i will tell him, I just find it hard telling people no..

[Yuelon]

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

While I wouldn't consider myself to have a "fetish" for asian girls like one of my friends does, I do find many asian girls quite attractive, so I feel that I should maybe give my thoughts on this.

First, I can't really comment on the docile/tamed/obediant thing, because I never really assimilated that stereotype. This is probably because I grew up in Vancouver - a city that has a huge Canadianized Asian population whose kids were born and raised here. From a personality standpoint, I never really noticed a big different between these Canadian born asians and Canadians of other races. Maybe a little more academically inclined in general, but believe it or not I knew some asians who weren't considered good students in school too.

I'll admit that watching anime did make me start paying more attention to asian girls - many of the best cosplayers at my local con are asian. But I think it's easy to overestimate the influence of this factor: while the girls I liked in high school were not asian, they tended to be small in stature and sometimes build as well. So it makes sense to me that I'd gravitate towards asians to some extent as well.

Cute is definately a big factor. I've always preferred cute to hot.

Other factors:

-Asian girls tend to have faces that look young, yet you can still clearly tell they're adults. I find that quite attractive. (I'm hoping nobody considers me a creep for saying that. When people say that a 20 year old asian girl looks fourteen, I typically find myself thinking "I would have guessed eighteen myself" and then "she's really cute". In fact, I often have trouble wrapping my head around the idea that people think these sort of girls look fourteen. And BTW, if you put aside loli, I think that moe aesthetics can be considered an idealization of this sort of "sexually mature but youthful" look. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I don't consider being attracted to either youthful looking asian or non-loli moe characters to have any relation to pedophilia.)

-In my experience, they're less likely than other races to be overweight, which I also find attractive.

-Socio-economic status: There's the stereotype of asians as wealthy, which to me comes across as at least somewhat true in Vancouver. This is a double edged sword though: I do prefer girls who have some money of their own, but I also tend to be a saver and find people who flaunt their money very unattractive.

-Sheer exoticness: Even with having grown up with some asians around, I still find that they often look very striking. Although redheads sometimes come across as even more so. I think that for guys who live in cities without large asian populations, this probably plays a huge impact.

And finally, I also remember reading an article a while back that suggested that the whole "opposites attract" thing might have a biological basis in that partners with quite different genetic code tend to have offspring with stronger immune systems - and while I'm not geneticist, it strike me that I probably have less genes in common with an asian girl than a European one.

I know how you feel about "Cute", so i second "I've always preferred cute to hot"

I got nothing but agree with all those points you pointed out.

The impact of cute girls is just like a bullet strike into your chest and it hurt the minute you got hit. After that you just have to confess and off you go.

Another factor I know is that other than biological basis it can also be from the environment you grown up into with the people you know since childhood.

What you guys think?

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by solomon

That's the high school, MTV view of society. Seriously, if nerds and eccentrics didin't procreate how is it that the number of people consuming such odd tastes has multiplied throughout the years.

It's all how you put your mind to it (this is of course if you are genuine about what you said, if you were being sarcastic.....well NUTS TO YA).

My university anime club probably won't be thrilled I'm going to mention this, but I remember that one year one of our weekly screenings fell on Valentine's Day. We actually got a much higher than average turn out compared to other screenings that semester, which to me indicates that not many people had other plans... and yet I'm not aware of any couples within the club. It's not even like most of these people are your "stereotypical ugly geek" or anything. It was just... strange.

Anyway, I've actually used my anime hobby to connect with girls on a couple occasions. I tend to be more interested in eccentric girls anyway... so yeah.

Originally Posted by Yuelon

I know how you feel about "Cute", so i second "I've always preferred cute to hot"

I got nothing but agree with all those points you pointed out.

The impact of cute girls is just like a bullet strike into your chest and it hurt the minute you got hit. After that you just have to confess and off you go.

Another factor I know is that other than biological basis it can also be from the environment you grown up into with the people you know since childhood.

What you guys think?

It seems I've struck a cord with some people... I'm not sure how I feel about that given that in some ways it's a bit of an embarrassing post and it's getting more attention than I expected.

In general, I'm a bit too reserved to ask a girl out the first time I meet her, but I do definitely get the "bullet" analogy. I've felt it on a few occasions.

As to the last question, my dad has an old elementary school photo where he's one of only two white kids in the class. My mom is also white. Not sure if that provides you with any useful data or not.

[Jazzrat]

Originally Posted by jonli

Asian girls are very different these days.

I don't really want to generalize but they've made a couple documentaries about how asian societies have evolved sexually. I've seen the Hong Kong one and the Japanese one, the women in those documentaries are ABSOLUTELY different from what I'd imagine to be an asian women.

It's sad...

Just curious, what were your image of an Asian women? Subdued, docile and demure? Cause that's been out of fashion for awhile now. Of course on the surface they are all prim and proper but once you get to the bed room, they shed those image faster than i can take my clothes off

[Mithfalath]

Originally Posted by Jazzrat

Of course on the surface they are all prim and proper but once you get to the bed room, they shed those image faster than i can take my clothes off

LOL. It depends really. Maybe that idea is somehow stereotypic. But not all of them are like that really. Or to say the least, NOT MOST OF THEM. But really, Asians appeal the best.

[Samari]

All Asian people act differently depending on where they are from. Even if they are of the same ethnic background. For example, my girlfriend and her friends whom are all non-American Chinese act quite different in terms of persona than some of my Chinese friends who were raised here in America.

Just like "Black America" is very different from people that are actually from Africa.

[rainnydaiis]

Originally Posted by Samari

All Asian people act differently depending on where they are from. Even if they are of the same ethnic background. For example, my girlfriend and her friends whom are all non-American Chinese act quite different in terms of persona than some of my Chinese friends who were raised here in America.

Just like "Black America" is very different from people that are actually from Africa.

I have to agree with that a lot. Seeing as a "race" doesn't define a person. Different backgrounds and experiences actually make up a person. Like I'm Korean and when I tell people they always ask if I'm good at Starcraft.

But one thing I noticed about most Asian girls and why they act different is mainly in my opnion because of the Drama shows they watch. Either it be CDrama KDrama JDrama and so forth. It really gives off a high expectation and makes most girls think that relationships are suppose to be that way. So in my opinion most aren't really down to earth but high in the air.

[Jazzrat]

Originally Posted by Mithfalath

LOL. It depends really. Maybe that idea is somehow stereotypic. But not all of them are like that really. Or to say the least, NOT MOST OF THEM. But really, Asians appeal the best.

Plenty of people seems to believe that , a word of advice to those seeking an asian partner... STOP... go back, think about the person you want to be with instead of their skin colors.

Originally Posted by Samari

All Asian people act differently depending on where they are from. Even if they are of the same ethnic background. For example, my girlfriend and her friends whom are all non-American Chinese act quite different in terms of persona than some of my Chinese friends who were raised here in America.

Just like "Black America" is very different from people that are actually from Africa.

Ohhh i'm chinese myself, trust me, i know how different we are not only depending on where we grew up but also our socio-economic status, our education and our profession. Just griping about the silly notions that asians are supposedly more docile and subdued.

Try dating the girls that comes from big cities like HK, Singapore or Taiwan, you ll find them as competitive and outspoken as any other girls.

[Yuelon]

Originally Posted by rainnydaiis

But one thing I noticed about most Asian girls and why they act different is mainly in my opnion because of the Drama shows they watch. Either it be CDrama KDrama JDrama and so forth. It really gives off a high expectation and makes most girls think that relationships are suppose to be that way. So in my opinion most aren't really down to earth but high in the air.

Yea, I get that feeling too when I watch drama shows. But from a guy POV *pause* me... I do think that as well though I really tell myself shows are shows none of them can really use as an sample of what is actually happening to you now.

@0utf0xZer0

That does and I didn't mention cause mix culture friend isn't rare now days so really being attracted to or attracted by is really doesn't matter just means how much you love that person over culture/religion. So its a free love now days only parents from the other era cares about such thing, really nothing to be shy about!!

[jonli]

Originally Posted by Dakota

We are all on an Anime forum talking about dating.

If you're reading this, accept the fact that there is little hope for dating (and everything beyond that) as I did.

Don't be silly. I've been watching anime ever since I was a kid, actually ALL my friends watch anime ever since we were kids. We're all active in the dating scene. Some people are still dating the same girl, some changed, some never date girls that don't watch anime as well. Etc. It's not anime that alienates you from the opposite sex, it's how you carry yourself. If you're confident not arrogant, a smart-ass but not the point of annoyance = smooth talker. Then when you get the girl hooked tell her you like anime, I'm pretty sure she won't dump you for that. It's just like telling a girl you love video games, nothing she can do about it (it's the equivalent of them saying they like the notebook).

Originally Posted by Jazzrat

Just curious, what were your image of an Asian women? Subdued, docile and demure? Cause that's been out of fashion for awhile now. Of course on the surface they are all prim and proper but once you get to the bed room, they shed those image faster than i can take my clothes off

Well I was kinda kidding. What I mean by original image of Asian women are basically the stereotypical gentle kind. But to be honest, it is kind of true. Of course it differs in different asian-based societies so what I'm about to say is only going to apply to the social group that I've been exposed to.

WARNING LONG POST

I'm from Hong Kong. Hong Kong by itself is divided into several social groups (like all countries, duh), but the one I'm referring to specifically is the local group of Hong Kong women (mostly non english speakers). Hong Kong is moving towards a more sexually equal society, where women are taking jobs far more well paid than men. It has always been integrated in the Hong Kong society that men are basically as useful as how much money they get. You might flirt and have sex with a sexy guy, but if he's not rich you're not going to marry him and have kids. With this in mind, women in Hong Kong are a lot more cautious about a man's family background, career and wealth than what actually counts. What actually counts? Personality! Cheesy, I know, but truth. There are actually many documentaries about this. The way some women behave in interviews are absolutely outrageous. In fact I'll type one out just to show you how insane some of them are.

Woman: I had a long term boyfriend that I really loved, I asked if one day when we're married we don't need a joint account. Instead he can transfer all his income into my account. My boyfriend got really angry. I thought to myself how pathetic this man is and dumped him. My current husband on the other hand would transfer all his money to me, then every month I would give him a little for allowance.

Husband: It's not that bad actually, I don't have to buy her any valentines day presents because it's basically using her money. (this man is a loser)

Word for word translated from Chinese into English. The translation might not be 1 to 1 but I guarantee you it's accurate, and I'm not lying. I'm not a money-cautious kinda guy, but the fact that someone would say that to me would seriously have my eyes blow out. I mean money is the more embarrassing side of a relationship, but it is crucial, and THAT is not the way to handle it. Women who behave that way have been coined as Kong Girls in Hong Kong. It might sound like a derogatory term but seriously if you ask some girls on the streets if they're Kong Girls, some of them would just say "no shit, duh" as if nothing's wrong with it.

This is unfortunately not a recent fad, evidence of "Kong Girl" in the making can be spotted even in my mother's generation. Women have grown to be more and more materialistic in the Hong Kong society. Not all women in Hong Kong are like this, it's not like you'll be doomed with a Kong Girl if you live in Hong Kong, but the majority of the female population thinks this way.

Originally Posted by Jazzrat

Plenty of people seems to believe that , a word of advice to those seeking an asian partner... STOP... go back, think about the person you want to be with instead of their skin colors.



Ohhh i'm chinese myself, trust me, i know how different we are not only depending on where we grew up but also our socio-economic status, our education and our profession. Just griping about the silly notions that asians are supposedly more docile and subdued.

Try dating the girls that comes from big cities like HK, Singapore or Taiwan, you ll find them as competitive and outspoken as any other girls.

Yes you're right, ultimately it depends on how you're brought up. It's safe to say that anyone in any race, if you're only exposed to one part of the world you're bound to carry problems in your behavior.

Here's a piece of advice not to asian women, but to everyone in the world. That you need to explore and experience different social perspectives and understand them. Or else you might behave like a Kong Girl and fail to see why you might seem like an annoying bitch to someone else.

I felt like I just offended a lot of people...

[Dakota]

Originally Posted by jonli

It's just like telling a girl you love video games, nothing she can do about it (it's the equivalent of them saying they like the notebook).

But if a girl I liked was a Twilight fan, I'd dump her ass faster than garbage disposal.

[jonli]

Originally Posted by Dakota

But if a girl I liked was a Twilight fan, I'd dump her ass faster than garbage disposal.

I'm not a fan of Twilight either, but if you can't stomach another person's guilty pleasure they won't stomach yours either.

You don't have to get a Twilight tatoo for her, or watch the movies with her. She can do her Twilight thing in solitary.

Besides it's obviously a phase, once the movies are over it'll die out.

[Yuelon]

Originally Posted by jonli

I felt like I just offended a lot of people...

So long as they are not kong girls who are reading it.

Bless you man

[High_Lord_Demonix]

wow ^_^ when I first saw this thread it was on page 11! T_T damn I really havent been on here in a long time huh. anyways I havent been in a relationship in a while, my EX shattered my heart so I kinda just roll with it now.

Im going on a date with a Deaf boy tommorow sooo if anybody ever has dated somebody with a hearing disablity I would really appreciate a hint or some advice.

[Mithfalath]

@Demonix

ummm, wouldn't that be too difficult perhaps? This is probably harder than language barrier. But if it's true what they say, that feelings can be conveyed without words, then wish you all the best. :P