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Old 2012-09-19, 16:10   Link #10741
King Lycan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Khu View Post
Ahh, got rejected for asking a date to formal (or prom, for you Americans.)

Oh well. *sigh*
I got rejected when I was in high school as well .

What was her excuse ?
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Old 2012-09-19, 17:52   Link #10742
SPARTAN 119
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Khu View Post
Ahh, got rejected for asking a date to formal (or prom, for you Americans.)

Oh well. *sigh*
Me three. Lets just say high school sucked for me.

Ahh well, prom is not that important, and far from your last shot at getting a girl, we all have plenty of opportunities left, and I will keep moving forward until I succeed.

As for me, I have asked out many girls, rejected by all but one who most of them gave me the "already have a boyfriend" or "someone already asked me" excuse.
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Old 2012-09-19, 23:44   Link #10743
Khu
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Quote:
Originally Posted by King Lycan View Post
I got rejected when I was in high school as well .

What was her excuse ?
She just came straight out and said she didn't feel the same way.

An honest one, she is. XD
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Old 2012-09-20, 01:01   Link #10744
otakujohn
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Last time I posted in this thread was 2009, and I'm still date-free.

Am I a wizard yet?
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Old 2012-09-20, 04:12   Link #10745
King Lycan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Khu View Post
She just came straight out and said she didn't feel the same way.

An honest one, she is. XD
I always get that .

Matter of fact I just got that a couple weeks ago from a girl I really liked her
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Old 2012-09-20, 05:47   Link #10746
NorthernFallout
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Look on the bright side. By asking, even if rejection is the result, shows you're way ahead of the curve compared to those who don't even dare do that.

Like myself.

8D
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Old 2012-09-23, 19:32   Link #10747
King Lycan
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Originally Posted by NorthernFallout View Post
Look on the bright side. By asking, even if rejection is the result, shows you're way ahead of the curve compared to those who don't even dare do that.

Like myself.

8D
Don't be scared lol
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Old 2012-09-24, 05:46   Link #10748
csuree
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until i was in school i did try and i did get rejected too many dozens of times, but as i entered college i stopped trying. and even now i do not try.

i have a fear of rejection, but it is understandable. After trying many times and failing you start to wonder...if there is no problem with the girls, then the problem must be with me...
but no one was kind enough to tell me what did i screw up....

so i still don't know what are my shortcomings...
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Old 2012-09-24, 05:59   Link #10749
Khu
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthernFallout View Post
Look on the bright side. By asking, even if rejection is the result, shows you're way ahead of the curve compared to those who don't even dare do that.

Like myself.

8D
Oh the effect previous girlfriends can have on your self esteem ^^;
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Old 2012-09-24, 06:13   Link #10750
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Originally Posted by otakujohn View Post
Last time I posted in this thread was 2009, and I'm still date-free.

Am I a wizard yet?
Yes harry.
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Old 2012-09-24, 14:22   Link #10751
ChainLegacy
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Originally Posted by RWBladewing View Post
This seems to be the most common advice I see given to people who have never had a significant other but I really don't feel it's that simple. I think many of the people who say this are already confident themselves and don't truly understand what it means to have no confidence at all. Confidence is something that's easy enough to obtain more of once you already have some, but can be extremely difficult to obtain even a little bit of when starting from zero. There can be a very large emotional and logical barrier for someone to overcome when trying to be confident about something that they have previously experienced nothing but repeated failure in, and some may see "acting" as simply lying to themselves.
I think it's a combination of the acting confident bit, as well as tangible successes/results in something one enjoys... It's much easier to 'pretend to be confident' when you have just accomplished something you're proud of. That's why hobbies are so important mentally. And I do not mean watching anime, but a more active hobby, like music, sports, crafts, automotive hobbies (I admit to ignorance in that field but it seems like a good example as an outsider), etc. Another thing is diet... if you put crap in your body day after day, you can't expect to be feeling good mentally. It's a simple viewpoint, sure, but it's true - your brain, like the other components of your body, simply performs better when properly nourished and taken care of.

The last thing about the pretending to be confident thing is actually telling yourself that on a regular basis throughout the day (I think it's even more important to 'trick' yourself than others... once you're fooled, you simply are confident, no?)... making a mental effort to combat feelings of unworthiness with 'delusions of grandeur,' if you will. If you have a thought where you are pitying yourself or thinking negatively, shake your head, and internally say "NO!" and start thinking positive things about yourself... I know it sounds so silly, but people don't realize how powerful a trick it is. Part of the reason people have low confidence is that they dwell on their negative attributes... if you purposefully fight against your brain's tendency to do that, over time, you will naturally feel more confident. Bonus: you don't waste your time in self-pity.

Testimonial from someone who once had 'social anxiety disorder' according to a psychiatrist. I laugh at that label now...
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Old 2012-09-24, 19:21   Link #10752
King Lycan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by csuree View Post
until i was in school i did try and i did get rejected too many dozens of times, but as i entered college i stopped trying. and even now i do not try.

i have a fear of rejection, but it is understandable. After trying many times and failing you start to wonder...if there is no problem with the girls, then the problem must be with me...
but no one was kind enough to tell me what did i screw up....

so i still don't know what are my shortcomings...

I know how you feel I was like that but now I really don't care about being rejected. It still hurts like a bitch but I just consider it to be apart of the game. If you don't try you'll be lonely and don't you wanna get laid ?
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Old 2012-09-25, 11:59   Link #10753
Gamer_2k4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RWBladewing View Post
This seems to be the most common advice I see given to people who have never had a significant other but I really don't feel it's that simple. I think many of the people who say this are already confident themselves and don't truly understand what it means to have no confidence at all.
And I think that some of the people who say THAT just haven't bothered to try. Too often, people assume that just because you're in a different state than them, you've never been in their state. Just recently, when my girlfriend and I were talking about working out at the gym, she complained, "You don't know what it's like to be weak!"

It took some effort to not sarcastically reply, "You're right, that's not fair of me. After all, I've never been to the weight room in all my life and was actually born like this."

The people who say "fake it until you make it" say that because they DID that and it WORKED for them. It's why I have no sympathy for people who have trouble losing weight. "Oh you don't know what it's like!" "You're right, I don't. I just lost 40 pounds this year through happy thoughts alone. It's too bad things aren't as easy for you."

You can say, "it's not easy to do that" all you want (and you'll be right), but that's not going to help anything. At some point you just have to buckle down and do the work. There's no other way.
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Old 2012-09-25, 13:19   Link #10754
DonQuigleone
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Weight loss is actually very difficult, because our bodies aren't really designed for it. The only way to do it is to make long term permanent changes to our diet and behaviour, and that's something that most people can't really commit to. So, most people find going to the gym to be incredibly dull. A weightloss regimen based on going to the gym isn't going to do them much good. On the other hand, if they enjoy playing some sport like football, integrating a weekend game into their weekly routine will do a lot more good.

The problem is that people go on weight loss routines, and they usually work. But then they reach their targets, switch back to their old lifestyle (because the current one is so unpleasant), and they go back to their previous weights.

In trying to lose weight, you shouldn't really take an approach that requires lots of motivation and/or work. Because invariably you'll hit a period where you won't have the energy/time to keep up the regimen.

Instead, you need to take a smarter, more lazy approach. For instance, replace your morning bangers and fried eggs with toast and cheese. The latter is a lot healthier then the former, and not a difficult change to make. On the flipside, switching from eating steaks every night to only eating bland salads, might be more difficult to stomach. And certainly having the whole thing dependent on regularly going to the gym is simply foolish.

Fundamentally, the weight loss regime has to be pleasant enough whereby you would be willing to continue it for the rest of your life. It certainly has to be able to adjust to the decreased amounts of energy(and time...) you'll have as you get older.
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Old 2012-09-25, 21:07   Link #10755
ChainLegacy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
Weight loss is actually very difficult, because our bodies aren't really designed for it. The only way to do it is to make long term permanent changes to our diet and behaviour, and that's something that most people can't really commit to. So, most people find going to the gym to be incredibly dull. A weightloss regimen based on going to the gym isn't going to do them much good. On the other hand, if they enjoy playing some sport like football, integrating a weekend game into their weekly routine will do a lot more good.

The problem is that people go on weight loss routines, and they usually work. But then they reach their targets, switch back to their old lifestyle (because the current one is so unpleasant), and they go back to their previous weights.

In trying to lose weight, you shouldn't really take an approach that requires lots of motivation and/or work. Because invariably you'll hit a period where you won't have the energy/time to keep up the regimen.

Instead, you need to take a smarter, more lazy approach. For instance, replace your morning bangers and fried eggs with toast and cheese. The latter is a lot healthier then the former, and not a difficult change to make. On the flipside, switching from eating steaks every night to only eating bland salads, might be more difficult to stomach. And certainly having the whole thing dependent on regularly going to the gym is simply foolish.

Fundamentally, the weight loss regime has to be pleasant enough whereby you would be willing to continue it for the rest of your life. It certainly has to be able to adjust to the decreased amounts of energy(and time...) you'll have as you get older.
Don, several years ago I discovered something called paleolithic nutrition that allowed me to lose over 100 lbs and get down to 12% body fat consistently since. While much of what you say is true, I must take exception to your actual nutritional advice. People would be much better off with the morning bangers and fried eggs than a piece of toast. Suffice it to say I'm not going to go into a rant here and I've already written several lengthy posts about this lifestyle that I'm sure anime fans could care less about (), but look into insulin, blood glucose, their effects on weight gain, as well as satiety/hormonal effects of protein and healthy fat-based meals. Bread is about the last thing anyone should eat in trying to become healthy and cheese is not much better. Similarly, your contrast of an unhealthy steak dinner vs a healthy salad dinner is off the mark... Grass fed steak with a nice kale or spinach salad would be one of the healthiest possible meals, and those foods need not be viewed as opposites, but nutritional partners. By the way, since you're Irish, most domestic meat is grass-fed, be grateful for that! Grain fed meat that we have in the states is far inferior as cows are just as maladapted to consuming grains as we humans and the nutritional properties of grain fed meat reflect that; lower omega-3s in the form of CLA, higher omega-6's, and lower nutrient content when compared to the nutrient powerhouse that is grass fed meat (which is still available to us Amurricuns, but for a higher price tag)...

If I were to be so bold, I'd say that proper nutrition is actually one of the most important things one could work at if they want to improve their 'dating game.' It is difficult like Don said, but I don't think it needs to be unenjoyable at all. If one is following outdated nutritional advice (examples of this BAD advice include: lower fat, lower red meat intake, eat more carbs, calorie restriction), then it will be miserable indeed, because you are losing due to a caloric deficit, which your mind and body interprets as a source of stress - and rightfully so as many overweight individuals suffer from nutrient deficiencies that can hardly be remedied by eating below their caloric needs! Instead, cut blood sugar levels, raise insulin sensitivity, and consume nutrient dense foods with protein and plenty of monounsaturated and omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids, particularly DHA and EPA, which have been in the spotlight recently due to the ever-popular fish oil, which can also be found in seafood itself of course, as well as pasture-raised meat.

More effective than the standard, outdated (totally 80's!!! lol) low-fat stuff, would be to cut carbohydrate intake to a level of ketosis, or close, for a month and focus on tons of veggies, healthy meat and seafood, and nuts. No bread, rice, pasta, fruit, sugary drinks, anything artificial, etc Virtually everyone that is overweight would lose pounds if they followed that plan. Furthermore, as insulin sensitivity improves, this way of eating becomes entirely natural and cravings for sweets or other luxuries become few and far between. I once could binge-eat an entire carton of ice cream. Today I picked up a delicious-looking carton of gelato for my 9-year old brother and did not even have the slightest urge to taste it. Not because I've developed a steely willpower, but instead because my hormones are in check and my body no longer desires such ridiculous levels of sugar for a proper insulin response. Obviously one will look better, but also be healthier and happier (omega-3s and depression, magnesium and depression, look these up and follow the trail if interested).

Of course there are a great many people with crap nutrition and good romantic experience in their life, but I wasn't one of them! I was always on the heavier side, but I used that to my advantage in my high school days as a powerlifter. When I went to college and gave up on that my weight ballooned and beyond simply looking worse I experienced depression, insomnia, anxiety, etc. It's something one cannot put into words, but the contrast from that unhealthy life to my current one is like taking some miracle drug, no bad side effects, just every day is great and enjoyable. And my lifelong temper has mysteriously subsided as well. By the way, I do exercise (weight lifting and rock climbing), but as I alluded to above, the calories in - calories burned = weight paradigm is miserably oversimplified. Far more relevant are the hormonal effects of food. Exercise is important for other reasons than weight loss and it can help, but people should not be under the impression it's 50% diet 50% exercise, or even close... Probably more like 90% diet, 10% exercise... if even that.

Sorry for the rather intense outburst (I could have kept writing for hours on this subject, my friend and I are starting a website for it), but this advice above ^^^ is in my opinion what got me from being typical nerd-virgin-anxious type (a strong one, but quite typical beyond my strength) to a weird Renaissance-man type person with extremely disparate interests that has thus far been far more successful with the fairer sex.
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Old 2012-09-25, 22:09   Link #10756
DonQuigleone
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChainLegacy View Post
People would be much better off with the morning bangers and fried eggs than a piece of toast.
I won't go into the ins and outs of nutrition, but the traditional Irish breakfast is horrendously unhealthy. The rates of Heart disease arising from it in Ireland is extremely high. Part of the problem is that all of those Bangers are filled with preservatives and are also over-salted to boot, while the fried eggs are heavily doused in oil. Not good. I don't think that's good even on a paleolithic diet. The sausages in particular, in fact, a lot of those sausages are not fully meat. The minimum standard to be labelled a "pork sausage" is 42%. And many sausages are even lower then that, and can't even legally be labelled meat: "These sausages can contain only 25 per cent real meat with the rest being made up of an unappetising mix of water, pork fat, rusk, potato starch, soya protein concentrate, sodium, guar gum, antioxidants, sodium metabisulphate and cochineal - all finely minced together." Read more.

Also, don't compare our great toast to american toast. Our soda bread has all kinds of roughage in it, is quite unprocessed, and is a fine thing for firming up the digestion. Not to mention that it's unsweetened(so unfortunately common in American bread...). American bread is a travesty in comparison. I'd say mainstream American bread has no redeeming qualities. Cutting it from the diet would help everyone.

That said, I doubt grains have anything to offer over most vegetables. However, they are a cheap source of energy, which is an important consideration. A diet without any grains or other carbohydrates will cost significantly more, and be unaffordable to most.
Quote:
By the way, since you're Irish, most domestic meat is grass-fed, be grateful for that!
We have great beef, I will say that. Americans are better at the actual cooking of it though. Irish seem to overcook everything...

Last edited by DonQuigleone; 2012-09-25 at 22:20.
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Old 2012-09-26, 22:40   Link #10757
SPARTAN 119
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Random question: When I first meet a girl, is there any way to effectively and easily find out if she has a boyfriend without making it immediately obvious or such.

Also, I know this is pathetic, but I feel like I have to let this out. I've honestly been thinking, I'm wondering if the fastest and easiest way for me to get a date with a girl would be a mercy date... You know, tell her about my sad past of being lonely yet wanting to a girlfriend more than anything and maybe one of them will feel enough sympathy to go on a "mercy date".
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Old 2012-09-26, 22:42   Link #10758
willx
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119 View Post
Random question: When I first meet a girl, is there any way to effectively and easily find out if she has a boyfriend without making it immediately obvious or such.

Also, I know this is pathetic, but I feel like I have to let this out. I've honestly been thinking, I'm wondering if the fastest and easiest way for me to get a date with a girl would be a mercy date... You know, tell her about my sad past of being lonely yet wanting to a girlfriend more than anything and maybe one of them will feel enough sympathy to go on a "mercy date".
^ Best way is to ask. Dancing around the subject is typically awkward, but if you feel you must, then you can talk about topics like dinner and movies (which people usually go do with the significant others)

Uh, I would definitely advise against any "mercy date" strategies and definitely not talk about sad pasts, etc.. Opening up too much too fast scares people away. Far away. When I was a young angsty teen, I was on both ends of that.
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Old 2012-09-26, 22:58   Link #10759
SPARTAN 119
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Originally Posted by willx View Post

Uh, I would definitely advise against any "mercy date" strategies and definitely not talk about sad pasts, etc.. Opening up too much too fast scares people away. Far away. When I was a young angsty teen, I was on both ends of that.
I know won't work, I was just a stupid thought.

Also, by both ends of that, you mean people tried that strategy on you, and you tried it yourself?
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Old 2012-09-26, 23:24   Link #10760
synaesthetic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119 View Post
Random question: When I first meet a girl, is there any way to effectively and easily find out if she has a boyfriend without making it immediately obvious or such.

Also, I know this is pathetic, but I feel like I have to let this out. I've honestly been thinking, I'm wondering if the fastest and easiest way for me to get a date with a girl would be a mercy date... You know, tell her about my sad past of being lonely yet wanting to a girlfriend more than anything and maybe one of them will feel enough sympathy to go on a "mercy date".
>.>;

Don't be disingenuous. That attitude will only get you the wrong kind of girl.
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