Dating

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Why do I get the feeling that the last word should have been "girl"?

It's ambiguous

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Ugh.... >>;;;;;

Though in a way, when I look at the situation I can understand their concerns. All of my cousins except for one are married, and my sister has a boyfriend right now that she's been with for some time. So right now I'm kind of the odd one out as far as relationships go.

So be the odd one out. Being younger than my brother, and having a sister that's much too young to even think about guys (I think we may have bullied her into such thinking though ), I'm the only one who's even bothered with a relationship. I did because I had too much free time on my hands. Although waking up at 5.30 every morning so I could work the train station into my schedule before school probably wasn't a good idea.

[Thyrz]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

As pretty much everyone here knows at this point, while I've seen some cute guys, right now I'm not especially interested in actually pursuing a relationship with any of them. The problem is that my family doesn't know this; I'm constantly being asked if I've approached any cute boys, if I'm interested in someone, and constantly given advice on how to approach said cute boys and strike up a friendship with them.

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?

I wish my cousin was like you. She can't go without a boyfriend for a month and she has a new one every few months.

Btw, your family doesn't have a point at all.

[hinakatbklyn]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?

Originally Posted by Thyrz

Btw, your family doesn't have a point at all.

Parents can still make some decisions if you were living under the parents roof. The minute you reach the legal age and decide to live on your own (temporarily at the moment), parents have their opinions and decisions, but you should have the final say about what you want to do.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by hinakatbklyn

Parents can still make some decisions if you were living under the parents roof. The minute you reach the legal age and decide to live on your own (temporarily at the moment), parents have their opinions and decisions, but you should have the final say about what you want to do.

I know that, and I know that in the end no matter what they say or do it comes down to whether or not I actually want to have a relationship with someone. It just exhausts me when practically every conversation I have with them these days somehow turns to boys, and I can't tell if they're just teasing me or being serious.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I know that, and I know that in the end no matter what they say or do it comes down to whether or not I actually want to have a relationship with someone. It just exhausts me when practically every conversation I have with them these days somehow turns to boys, and I can't tell if they're just teasing me or being serious.

Then save some time already and just ask them that. If they are teasing, then tell them you're focusing on your studies and if someone comes along, maybe you'll consider a relationship.
If they're serious, say the same thing only just as serious.
Also add that you'd like for them to drop the topic of it for now, and rather encourage you with studying.

In otherwords, talk to them, be straight with them, get the feelings out on the table and discuss with them, rather than asking us per se
And you're only 18, the study > relationships will buy you time until you've graduated

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by hinakatbklyn

Parents can still make some decisions if you were living under the parents roof. The minute you reach the legal age and decide to live on your own (temporarily at the moment), parents have their opinions and decisions, but you should have the final say about what you want to do.

As a matter of fact, parents should have an influence even after you decide to live on your own. You're a part of their life just as they're a part of yours. There's no reason why your parent's opinions shouldn't matter even when you're away from their abode. This is coming from someone who'se lived on his own since he was 16. My parents are the first people I refer to if I ever have an issue of any kind, whether it's emotional, work-related, relationships, etc. One thing I'm sure of is that while a relationship with someone lasts up to a certain point, your parents are always there regardless.

[hinakatbklyn]

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

As a matter of fact, parents should have an influence even after you decide to live on your own. You're a part of their life just as they're a part of yours. There's no reason why your parent's opinions shouldn't matter even when you're away from their abode. This is coming from someone who'se lived on his own since he was 16. My parents are the first people I refer to if I ever have an issue of any kind, whether it's emotional, work-related, relationships, etc. One thing I'm sure of is that while a relationship with someone lasts up to a certain point, your parents are always there regardless.

I may not be able to speak for everyone, but I may have let my parents have too much influence that I couldn't get away from them fast enough, and I still can't get away. Depending on old age or natural causes, parents can't always be there. I still get the idea what you're saying.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Mystique

Then save some time already and just ask them that. If they are teasing, then tell them you're focusing on your studies and if someone comes along, maybe you'll consider a relationship.
If they're serious, say the same thing only just as serious.
Also add that you'd like for them to drop the topic of it for now, and rather encourage you with studying.

In otherwords, talk to them, be straight with them, get the feelings out on the table and discuss with them, rather than asking us per se
And you're only 18, the study > relationships will buy you time until you've graduated

That's the thing, though, I have talked to them about it and I still can't make heads or tails of what they're thinking. When I talk to them they're always saying they're just joking and playing around, that I should focus on my studies, and then the next day when they call me: "See any cute boys yet? Anyone you like in your class? Here's how you can meet him...."

So I'm never able to figure them out.

[Habhome]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

That's the thing, though, I have talked to them about it and I still can't make heads or tails of what they're thinking. When I talk to them they're always saying they're just joking and playing around, that I should focus on my studies, and then the next day when they call me: "See any cute boys yet? Anyone you like in your class? Here's how you can meet him...."

So I'm never able to figure them out.

They might just be very persistent jokers, doing it out of habit even perhaps.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Habhome

They might just be very persistent jokers, doing it out of habit even perhaps.

Then how am I supposed to ask them to stop without hurting their feelings? They know it annoys me, but at the same time, they haven't stopped. I know they mean well and just want me to laugh, but they're really getting on my nerves.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Then how am I supposed to ask them to stop without hurting their feelings? They know it annoys me, but at the same time, they haven't stopped. I know they mean well and just want me to laugh, but they're really getting on my nerves.

Then perhaps it's a ripe time to have the sit-down serious talk with them?

I dunno, maybe doing so at this point will make it clear between you and your parents. Whatever happens from this should be a good thing; either your parents will stop teasing you that way, or you start seeing it as the joke it probably is from then on.

[DragoZERO]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Then how am I supposed to ask them to stop without hurting their feelings? They know it annoys me, but at the same time, they haven't stopped. I know they mean well and just want me to laugh, but they're really getting on my nerves.

Just yell. That's what I'd do. Just don't swear, lol.

When I was younger I'd simply yell but now I would raise my voice and then lower it, telling them to stop it with a serious tone. Raising your voice get's their attention and then being serious send the message across.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by DragoZERO

Just yell.

Won't work. My dad is one of those people who has an annoying habit of speaking lower no matter how loud we are, and he and my mom both consider it childish to yell. Besides, I doubt I'd really get my point across by shouting at them.

[Lio]

Let them know that you don't want to talk about relationships with them.

Personally, I can't stand it when relatives talk about relationships with me. I remember in highschool I was seeing this girl (living with my mother at the time), and the next thing I know EVERYONE in the family are talking about me and my girlfriend. Um, excuse me, this is my private life. It has nothing to do with the family. Stop gossiping without any concern for my privacy, and GTFO.

Then again I don't get along with the family, so I'd use some discretion in letting them know that they're bothering you.

Then perhaps it's a ripe time to have the sit-down serious talk with them?

I dunno, maybe doing so at this point will make it clear between you and your parents.

This.
It's one of those uncomfortable conversations you need to risk hurting them and talk with them about. Otherwise you're just doing a disservice not only for yourself, but for them as well.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Why do I get the feeling that the last word should have been "girl"?

I AM A GUY DAMMIT. I served my compulsory 2 years!

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Won't work. My dad is one of those people who has an annoying habit of speaking lower no matter how loud we are, and he and my mom both consider it childish to yell. Besides, I doubt I'd really get my point across by shouting at them.

Well you could always use abit of psychology with them. If they would joke around with "meet any cute guys yet?" here are a few answers :

1. Yeah, but none of them had real character.
2. They seem to be more interested in sleeping with me rather than dating.
3. None of them are really good you know. <so-and-so> is like <that>, then <xxx> is like <that>, etc. None of them are my type.

or if you are more daring AND your parents DO NOT HAVE ANY HISTORY OF HEART PROBLEMS :

4. I am picking my cherries before letting them pop mine. I know what I am doing.
5. I think I would go for an IUD implant first.

I still think 3 is one of the best replies. It pushes sense across and makes quite a good excuse. But just like any of its kind, it has limited uses so it is best said strategically. However, Ascaloth probably has the best solution to this :

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Then perhaps it's a ripe time to have the sit-down serious talk with them?

I dunno, maybe doing so at this point will make it clear between you and your parents. Whatever happens from this should be a good thing; either your parents will stop teasing you that way, or you start seeing it as the joke it probably is from then on.

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

I AM A GUY DAMMIT. I served my compulsory 2 years!

of what?

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

Well you could always use abit of psychology with them. If they would joke around with "meet any cute guys yet?" here are a few answers :

1. Yeah, but none of them had real character.
2. They seem to be more interested in sleeping with me rather than dating.
3. None of them are really good you know. <so-and-so> is like <that>, then <xxx> is like <that>, etc. None of them are my type.

or if you are more daring AND your parents DO NOT HAVE ANY HISTORY OF HEART PROBLEMS :

4. I am picking my cherries before letting them pop mine. I know what I am doing.
5. I think I would go for an IUD implant first.

I still think 3 is one of the best replies. It pushes sense across and makes quite a good excuse. But just like any of its kind, it has limited uses so it is best said strategically.

Woah...I wouldn't. Apart from being a guy (someone did make the mistake of calling me a girl though. Read about 6 or more pages earlier), it's not a particularly sensible joke I'd play on my parents without being told to get out and never return (and to be prompted back home 24 hours later).

[Kafriel]

"See any cute boys yet? Anyone you like in your class? Here's how you can meet him...."

I tried to get with some but they turned out to be dating each other, and the other boys are too lame for my tastes~[/innocent look]

2. They seem to be more interested in sleeping with me rather than dating.

I'd call this one as your strongest card, parents care about you enough to stop pushing just for cases like that.

[Habhome]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Then how am I supposed to ask them to stop without hurting their feelings? They know it annoys me, but at the same time, they haven't stopped. I know they mean well and just want me to laugh, but they're really getting on my nerves.

Originally Posted by DragoZERO

I would raise my voice and then lower it, telling them to stop it with a serious tone. Raising your voice get's their attention and then being serious send the message across.

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Won't work. My dad is one of those people who has an annoying habit of speaking lower no matter how loud we are, and he and my mom both consider it childish to yell. Besides, I doubt I'd really get my point across by shouting at them.

(Read quotes above)
That's the point, you wouldn't be yelling per say, you would raise your voice, firmly, just to then lower it to a serious tone. There's a big difference and this way definitely catches attention since it is a sign of authority. It helps to study the body language and sit/stand in a (literary) position of authority. This would send many unconscious signals to your parents which should help you get the seriousness of your message across.

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

2. They seem to be more interested in sleeping with me rather than dating.

If you mix this into the conversation as an argument they will definitely listen to you. And it is good since you wouldn't be lying either. It's true many guys only try to get into the girl's pants, and your parents definitely know that. By showing them that you know that too makes them see maturity in you and will aid you to put you in the position of authority you are trying to assume.

As always, I resort to Logic and Psychology, because in my opinion that is the best way to handle any situation, with careful consideration.

A good tip is to read up on human behavior and body-language. It is really useful in situations like this.

[Irkalla]

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

As a matter of fact, parents should have an influence even after you decide to live on your own. You're a part of their life just as they're a part of yours. There's no reason why your parent's opinions shouldn't matter even when you're away from their abode. This is coming from someone who'se lived on his own since he was 16. My parents are the first people I refer to if I ever have an issue of any kind, whether it's emotional, work-related, relationships, etc. One thing I'm sure of is that while a relationship with someone lasts up to a certain point, your parents are always there regardless.

I will have to agree on this. Parents don't always give bad advices. In my case, I was very influenced by my dad's hedonistic lifestyle, which would have rubbed on me regardless of his encouragement. They were always a marvelous example of pure love, even though they had spent 13 years apart and went on to pursue other pleasures and seeding kids elsewhere in the process. I'm really happy to have such a wonderful big family to refer to.

[Lio]

Originally Posted by Zaseka

I will have to agree on this. Parents don't always give bad advices. In my case, I was very influenced by my dad's hedonistic lifestyle, which would have rubbed on me regardless of his encouragement. They were always a marvelous example of pure love, even though they had spent 13 years apart and went on to pursue other pleasures and seeding kids elsewhere in the process. I'm really happy to have such a wonderful big family to refer to.

Heh, not everyone is blessed with such wonderful families who make all the right moves.

Take mine for instance. The only thing I learned from my family is not to learn from my family. I've lived a much healthier life following my own path and trusting the people I chose to learn from instead of my own family, who aren't the kind of people I would call role models. Not to mention the years of damage done by them that I had to recover from.

In any case, RB seems like a smart person. Sometimes it's just hard to break out of your parents' grasp when they're hurting you.