AnimeSuki Forums

demino_hellsin · 2013-09-27, 10:35

again, the unit uses experimental pair annihilators as energy source. Meaning it runs anti-matter reactors. And much like the funnel system in UC0079, they were constructed quite bulkily. In fact, over 50% of the unit would be housing the multiple reactors and their safety precautions required. around another 30% is hollow space for Byakushiki and whatever equipment/allies it may need. the rest is its own volume. well those are rough numbers

agetreme · 2013-09-27, 10:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fireminer

@Age: Well, you could get rid of that and replace with a brief from the school about their duty, etc.

Actually, I am suggesting that you try reading through your work after typing it.

Remember: First Draft is not always perfect.

Just don't rush. Read through it and try picturing it in your head and see how it will go.

Because some part of the story seems illogical (due to mistake or some part being left out)

E.g.

Cat and Mouse scene (how do you do that in a crowded classroom? Houki climbed up her desk?)

Chifuyu being eternal 15.....(It is that eternal 17 year old joke?

)

=

I am afraid that you may need to re-type the part from the opening till Chifuyu shows up.

Fireminer · 2013-09-27, 15:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by agetreme

Actually, I am suggesting that you try reading through your work after typing it.

Remember: First Draft is not always perfect.

Just don't rush. Read through it and try picturing it in your head and see how it will go.

Because some part of the story seems illogical (due to mistake or some part being left out)

E.g.

Cat and Mouse scene (how do you do that in a crowded classroom? Houki climbed up her desk?)

Chifuyu being eternal 15.....(It is that eternal 17 year old joke?

)

=

I am afraid that you may need to re-type the part from the opening till Chifuyu shows up.

No, Chifuyu IS 15. The Orimura are triplet in my story.

The Cat and Mouse... Metaphor.

But you are right... Maybe I do need to re-type it.

ZeroXSEED · 2013-09-27, 20:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by wavehawk

Wouldn't it make sense to have a support unit not only give it energy, but to supply the missing slots for weapons additions and upgrades? So it's not just a support/flight unit and external armor system, it's also like...a giant USB Hub that allows storage of other equipment?

Mobile armor logic

My I.S./Pacific rim is basically this, instead of 2 sets of 450 pounds crank and pulleys, a new generation jaegers has a whole I.S. inside it's connpod. (one-woman Jaeger)

Tempest35 · 2013-09-27, 20:41

To offset the 'mental stress' of piloting the huge Jaeger by themselves, the IS is a go-between, translating the movements of the pilots without using the 'crank-pulley' system, allowing for a smoother transition of movement from Pilot to Jaeger and also boasts a wider range and better quality of movements.

Of course, this begs the question - are the IS themselves able to combat the Kaiju on their own or are they given only enough energy for escaping purposes back to base?

Fireminer · 2013-09-27, 20:42

Wait... 3 Layers? Jaeger- I.S-Woman? Maybe just fully automatic.

The only thing that I could come up with Pacific Rim is a crossover with Super Sentai.

ZeroXSEED · 2013-09-27, 20:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tempest35

To offset the 'mental stress' of piloting the huge Jaeger by themselves, the IS is a go-between, translating the movements of the pilots without using the 'crank-pulley' system, allowing for a smoother transition of movement from Pilot to Jaeger and also boasts a wider range and better quality of movements.

This

Basically most of the burden is carried by I.S. core

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fireminer

Maybe just fully automatic.

No

(until Golem

)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tempest35

Of course, this begs the question - are the IS themselves able to combat the Kaiju on their own or are they given only enough energy for escaping purposes back to base?

Mainly the later, I.S. are powerful but their small size and offensive power* means it'll take too long and lots of damage to take on a kaijuu directly.

*relative to jaeger

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tempest35

The only thing that I could come up with Pacific Rim is a crossover with Super Sentai.

For me it's either heisei Godzilla, Evangelion (early series) or Ultraman in general.

Fireminer · 2013-09-27, 20:57

Godzilla to the Rescue!

Evangelion? Maybe the ANIMA upgraded verson EVA.

Also, the final question: The ability of Automatic Execute Task of Golem come from Hardware (Core) or Software (A.I)?

ZeroXSEED · 2013-09-27, 21:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fireminer

Also, the final question: The ability of Automatic Execute Task of Golem come from Hardware (Core) or Software (A.I)?

Haven't explained yet in canon, sadly

Fireminer · 2013-09-27, 21:53

Oh, and almost done repairing Chapter I! Better late than nothing!

But I'm starting to have this weird feeling that my style may not suit the reader. Not a moment of cockiness, but I've seen many great writer but always have their review/follow rate low...

Any suggestion?

Oh, and Laser Blade, true light or particle field?

P/S: IT'S FINALLY HERE!!! (Screeming like a schoolgirl) My Byakushiki figure!!!

ZeroXSEED · 2013-09-27, 22:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fireminer

But I'm starting to have this weird feeling that my style may not suit the reader. Not a moment of cockiness, but I've seen many great writer but always have their review/follow rate low...

Any suggestion?

I don't think so

When it comes to fanfiction, it's the plot itself that's more crucial, those well written stories, frankly don't pander to the audience due to heavy themes, deep storytelling and whatnot. It's really a matter of taste.

Of course, that doesn't mean a badly written story can easily become popular if it's not decently written. After all you can't tell a plot with atrocious grammar and pacing (as in, EVEN WORSE than mine, which is low-low quality to begin with)

It's not always about the review as well. If you go to your login page you can see the [traffic stat] as indication for how 'popular' your story is.

I have a story called ToLoveRu stratos, it's the second most viewed story in my archive aside from sacred twin, but it only have THREE review.

Fireminer · 2013-09-27, 22:29

So, 376 for my premonition? Good or Bad?

And thanks for the suggestion! Well, you could say that I am influenced by Russian writers (especially Tonstoi and Gorki). Their plot is not extremly complicated, and yet the way they tell it left me in awe and respect...

That, and a bit of French Romantic are what shaped me today - not that I'm being arrogant.

But now remember it, most Re-telling authors tend to have one or two cores idea and they just go with it, instead of having multi small change like me. A Chimera indeed I am.

P/S: But should Rito be called the Protagonist? He haven't make any major change since the start!

ZeroXSEED · 2013-09-27, 23:24

It's a gamble duh, but at the very least you display canon character prominently, a good start.

As for Rito, in the original TLR he's a lot more of a Protagonist than Ichika is

That was the reason why I pulled the story off the net (TWICE), I favour one side too much and realize further attempt is waste of time until I can find the good balance.

Fireminer · 2013-09-27, 23:32

Wait, what would happen if we replace Lala with Charl?

Oh, another thing: Why am I trying to over-simplified everything? Especially technology?

And if you could, do one for Rito and Mikan...

Ever read KissXSis?

Tempest35 · 2013-09-27, 23:34

A ToLoveRu/Stratos...!? oh dear... A Mikan-like Chifuyu loli - *headsplode*

Anyway, trying to make a story be really deep and meaningful for a fanfiction writer can lead him to just drop it because of all the work involved.

It's no small feat to create a sweeping epic of a story and write it down. I have epics in my head that I'll never pen because it's really too much work.

But it's only epic from my perspective so ...

Like for the Pacific Rim/Stratos idea, I thought of having Tabane come from the Rift several years before and spearhead the Jaeger Stratos units. She finds and uses Chifuyu as the first pilot and it goes really well, as in the movie, the first Jaeger Stratos unit curbstomps the first Kaiju. Despite the Kaiju increasing their levels and sophistication, Chifuyu keeps stomping them...until she gets in a fight with 3 Kaiju and then 3 more join in for a total of 6 to 1. Chifuyu finally loses. The war against the Kaiju has reached a sort of lull until the last four years when a frightful Kaiju appeared and utterly destroyed the bottom half of India over the course of four days. None of the Jaeger could beat it but it then withdrew back to the Rift after if finished, puzzling everyone. Other Kaiju would come out and be defeated but when a particularly strong pilot had appeared, the weird S-ranked Kaiju would also appear and kill the pilot before retreating...

Now enters Ichika, brought in by Tabane herself to pilot the Jaeger Stratos. The entire world is shocked when a man, a lone man at that, is able to move it - just like his elder sister before him.

Fireminer · 2013-09-27, 23:43

7 generation Jaeger, huh?

Well, just wondering what would happen when you bring three in-period, frustrated, clad in plastic suits Cecilia, Charl and Laura together in a tight space...

Or Houki, Rin, Tatenashi and Kanzishiki perform the "Four Holy Beast of the East: Phoenix, Tiger, Dragon and Turtle...

And Ichika plus Madoka wipping the floor with Kaiju...

agetreme · 2013-09-28, 00:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fireminer

No, Chifuyu IS 15. The Orimura are triplet in my story.

The Cat and Mouse... Metaphor.

But you are right... Maybe I do need to re-type it.

Yeah? Does that mean I can procrastinate until you finished the rewrite?

(I am forcing myself to work on my own story at the moment (first chapter is modified version of Old Nemo's story) )

I will leave Vantier's operator a mystery for now. It painfully obvious but heck.

Also redesigning the Vantier a little bit (Head section).

Fireminer · 2013-09-28, 00:33

Yes, but the re-write is almost done!

And you should probally open a DevianArt account, considering all these original machines.

Eratas123 · 2013-09-28, 01:46

Grand Theft Auto V is distracting me :/ I often wonder how normal people can be so destructive and insane to the point where they can fight against PMC's despite being nothing but bank robbers/gangbangers/psychotic rednecks. IS pilots don't seem as insane by comparison.

Fireminer · 2013-09-28, 01:54

If you call having a relationship with an insane harem is sane, then you're definitely insane!

Or Incest...

2013-09-27, 20:41	Link #46345
Tempest35 Awe of She Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Orlando	To offset the 'mental stress' of piloting the huge Jaeger by themselves, the IS is a go-between, translating the movements of the pilots without using the 'crank-pulley' system, allowing for a smoother transition of movement from Pilot to Jaeger and also boasts a wider range and better quality of movements. Of course, this begs the question - are the IS themselves able to combat the Kaiju on their own or are they given only enough energy for escaping purposes back to base? __________________ "Focus entirely on me, you ordinary soldier."

2013-09-27, 20:57	Link #46348
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Godzilla to the Rescue! Evangelion? Maybe the ANIMA upgraded verson EVA. Also, the final question: The ability of Automatic Execute Task of Golem come from Hardware (Core) or Software (A.I)? Last edited by Fireminer; 2013-09-27 at 21:45.

2013-09-27, 21:53	Link #46350
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Oh, and almost done repairing Chapter I! Better late than nothing! But I'm starting to have this weird feeling that my style may not suit the reader. Not a moment of cockiness, but I've seen many great writer but always have their review/follow rate low... Any suggestion? Oh, and Laser Blade, true light or particle field? P/S: IT'S FINALLY HERE!!! (Screeming like a schoolgirl) My Byakushiki figure!!! Last edited by Fireminer; 2013-09-27 at 22:08.

2013-09-27, 23:24	Link #46353
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	It's a gamble duh, but at the very least you display canon character prominently, a good start. As for Rito, in the original TLR he's a lot more of a Protagonist than Ichika is That was the reason why I pulled the story off the net (TWICE), I favour one side too much and realize further attempt is waste of time until I can find the good balance. __________________

2013-09-27, 23:34	Link #46355
Tempest35 Awe of She Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Orlando	A ToLoveRu/Stratos...!? oh dear... A Mikan-like Chifuyu loli - headsplode Anyway, trying to make a story be really deep and meaningful for a fanfiction writer can lead him to just drop it because of all the work involved. It's no small feat to create a sweeping epic of a story and write it down. I have epics in my head that I'll never pen because it's really too much work. But it's only epic from my perspective so ... Like for the Pacific Rim/Stratos idea, I thought of having Tabane come from the Rift several years before and spearhead the Jaeger Stratos units. She finds and uses Chifuyu as the first pilot and it goes really well, as in the movie, the first Jaeger Stratos unit curbstomps the first Kaiju. Despite the Kaiju increasing their levels and sophistication, Chifuyu keeps stomping them...until she gets in a fight with 3 Kaiju and then 3 more join in for a total of 6 to 1. Chifuyu finally loses. The war against the Kaiju has reached a sort of lull until the last four years when a frightful Kaiju appeared and utterly destroyed the bottom half of India over the course of four days. None of the Jaeger could beat it but it then withdrew back to the Rift after if finished, puzzling everyone. Other Kaiju would come out and be defeated but when a particularly strong pilot had appeared, the weird S-ranked Kaiju would also appear and kill the pilot before retreating... Now enters Ichika, brought in by Tabane herself to pilot the Jaeger Stratos. The entire world is shocked when a man, a lone man at that, is able to move it - just like his elder sister before him. __________________ "Focus entirely on me, you ordinary soldier."

2013-09-27, 10:35	Link #46341
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	again, the unit uses experimental pair annihilators as energy source. Meaning it runs anti-matter reactors. And much like the funnel system in UC0079, they were constructed quite bulkily. In fact, over 50% of the unit would be housing the multiple reactors and their safety precautions required. around another 30% is hollow space for Byakushiki and whatever equipment/allies it may need. the rest is its own volume. well those are rough numbers

2013-09-27, 20:42	Link #46346
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Wait... 3 Layers? Jaeger- I.S-Woman? Maybe just fully automatic. The only thing that I could come up with Pacific Rim is a crossover with Super Sentai.

2013-09-27, 22:29	Link #46352
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	So, 376 for my premonition? Good or Bad? And thanks for the suggestion! Well, you could say that I am influenced by Russian writers (especially Tonstoi and Gorki). Their plot is not extremly complicated, and yet the way they tell it left me in awe and respect... That, and a bit of French Romantic are what shaped me today - not that I'm being arrogant. But now remember it, most Re-telling authors tend to have one or two cores idea and they just go with it, instead of having multi small change like me. A Chimera indeed I am. P/S: But should Rito be called the Protagonist? He haven't make any major change since the start!

2013-09-27, 23:32	Link #46354
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Wait, what would happen if we replace Lala with Charl? Oh, another thing: Why am I trying to over-simplified everything? Especially technology? And if you could, do one for Rito and Mikan... Ever read KissXSis?

2013-09-27, 23:43	Link #46356
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	7 generation Jaeger, huh? Well, just wondering what would happen when you bring three in-period, frustrated, clad in plastic suits Cecilia, Charl and Laura together in a tight space... Or Houki, Rin, Tatenashi and Kanzishiki perform the "Four Holy Beast of the East: Phoenix, Tiger, Dragon and Turtle... And Ichika plus Madoka wipping the floor with Kaiju...

2013-09-28, 00:33	Link #46358
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Yes, but the re-write is almost done! And you should probally open a DevianArt account, considering all these original machines.

2013-09-28, 01:46	Link #46359
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Grand Theft Auto V is distracting me :/ I often wonder how normal people can be so destructive and insane to the point where they can fight against PMC's despite being nothing but bank robbers/gangbangers/psychotic rednecks. IS pilots don't seem as insane by comparison. __________________

2013-09-28, 01:54	Link #46360
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	If you call having a relationship with an insane harem is sane, then you're definitely insane! Or Incest...