A Laugh A Day

[7thMethuselah]

A pic i stumbled upon while surfing, I think it's really funny

Spoiler:

[hobobaggins]

green, methuselah, brilliant.

some from me.

911 operators are sworn to keep a straight face and take all calls seriously, even when someone says, "Yeah, there's a moose running around out here with an Easter basket stuck around his neck."

One should remember that calling 911 is sometimes a public service, done for the benefit of others. One elderly male caller reported, "There's a woman over here doing some yard work in one of thong bikinis."

"Sir," said an exasperated dispatcher, "911 is an emergency number. What do you expect the police to do about a woman in a thong bikini?"

"Nothing," the guy said, "Just thought you fellows would like to know."

Of course, so many folks have 911 set on speed dial that there are still a lot of false alarms. One couple knocked a bedside phone off the hook while they were in throes of hot sex.

A 911 dispatcher heard moaning and screaming in the background, and figured somebody might be bound and gagged and desperately calling for help. The police snapped into action, responding to a "possible assault in progress."

In the same manner, a cat and a tomato also called 911 in similar fashion.

source http://www.fcema.org/911/911_humor.htm

and a non-911 joke

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator
told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if
I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up
there?"

[Roots]

Alright I have some stories to share from my high school days.

*****

There was a girl on the cross country team who was incredibly hot, and she would always flirt with me. I don't think she ever really liked me, she just liked teasing me, which was cruel. Anyways, there was a period of a week or so where she de-pantsed me every chance she got at practice. I mean seriously, I must have flashed the team at least 5 times, and I was the freaking captain! So then one day that week I'm in the training room waiting for my turn in the ice bath when she walks in. She sees me sitting across the room, and with a cute smirk she walks up to me. Then her friend called to her from the other side of the room and she turned around and started takling to her. So she's standing with her butt about 10 inches from my face and I thought to myself "This is too perfect. Its payback time!" So I yank her shorts down and she was wearing this bright, sexy neon pink thong and I just about exploded while sitting in my chair. I trembled thinking "She's gonna hit me. She's gonna hit me. She's gonna hit me REALLLY HARD!!" but instead she casually pulled up her shorts, walked towards her friend and finished their talk, then walked back to me and in an angry fit she grasped my leg above the knee and went "Grrrr!!!", then walked away. I was like "That's it? That's my punishment? That turned me on more than anything else!"




My next story happened during a race at the city meet. The race was thru a big public park and about half a mile into the race everyone encountered something odd in the middle of the trail. Someone points out and yells "OH MY GOD! There's a fucking HUGE dildo on the side of the road!!!" Everyone burst out laughing so hard they almost couldn't keep running.



My last story also happened during a race. It was in a rural golf course in southern Arizona. About 600 meters before the finish line, a male runner stoped on the side of the course, pulled down his shorts, and took a crap right there on the track. There was no bush, no big rock, nothing. He literally took a crap for the whole world to see. Then he finished the race. During the awards ceremony my whole team was making fun of him. Some people I swear.



I have plenty of other funny personal stories, mostly from high school. So maybe I'll post some more later if you guys liked those.

[sarcasteak]

Originally Posted by 7thMethuselah

A pic i stumbled upon while surfing, I think it's really funny

Spoiler:

Brilliant.

[OutPhase]

Spoiler for bunny!:

Spoiler for don't mess with it.:

Spoiler for Can't think of spoiler title.....:

Spoiler for I so hope this won't get me banned.:

Yeah, I have too much time on my hands.

[hobobaggins]

Originally Posted by Roots

So I yank her shorts down and she was wearing this bright, sexy neon pink thong

sissy. you shoulda gotten that too

however you may have gotten more than a knee pinch. but it would have been worth it from your description

ps: i loved it. more.

note: wtf? you were on cross country?

razer- more engrish. the other ones are far too stale.

[OutPhase]

Originally Posted by hobobaggins

razer- more engrish. the other ones are far too stale.

I will give you something better than Engrish:

A Stick Night of Love By High Lord Kelanar

Enjoy this weird-ass flash.

[AnimeFangirl]

Here's a cute/funny Azumanga/Yotsubato ASCII flash someone showed me earlier today. Some of you may have seen it already, but it's still fun: I wanna be your princess

[Roots]

Originally Posted by hobobaggins

sissy. you shoulda gotten that too

however you may have gotten more than a knee pinch. but it would have been worth it from your description

ps: i loved it. more.

note: wtf? you were on cross country?

Yes I did cross country two years in high school, and track as well. I was captain my senior year and also MVP on my team


Anyways here's another story, not about cc though. This happened the summer before last. I was up late at night, and being the typical geek I was/am I was on the computer reading with no lights on. My newly self-assembled PC tower lay on the top of the desk next to me, and I appreciated it for its stylish acrylic window and the pretty LCD fan I had on the inside of the window. Anyways I was doing my thing (probably reading the forums here), when all of a sudden I heard a loud sound coming from my computer, as if something was constantly hitting something else. i had PC monitor software running and all of a sudden it let out this REALLY SCARY alarm, like the kind you'd hear when a facility is about to explode or something. I am freaking out because I just built this computer a couple weeks ago, so I frantically grab the power cord and yank it out of the wall. The noise from the computer stops, and I nervously turn on a light to inspect what is wrong. Then I see a bug who looks like he just got the shit kicked out of him is limping along the bottom inside of my PC case. I think for a minute, and then I realize that this stupid bug was attracted to my LED fan, so he flew into it and the fan tossed him around like a salad (hence the constant hitting noise I heard). The thing is this damn bug is STILL alive after being in a 2500 RPM fan for over 2 seconds, so I'm like holy crap! But I don't want him to start losing his guts all over my motherboard so I grab a tissue, open my case, and snatch him out of there.

It was quite the ordeal for me. Amusing little story though isn't it? haha, my computer had a bug in it! *pun*

[Thyrz]

Here's a .txt file I had hidden on my HD somewhere.



Are you harboring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man - Dum Gai

Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni

Your price is too high!!! - No Bai Dam Ting!!

Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim?

Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?

That was an unauthorized execution - Lin Ching

I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone - No Pah King

Do you know lyrics to the Macarena? - Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

You are not very bright - Yu So Dum

I got this for free - Ai No Pei

I am not guilty - Wai Hang Mi?

Please, stay a while longer - Wai Go Nao?

Meeting was scheduled for next week - Wai You Kum Nao

They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum

Stay out of sight - Lei Lo

He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka

He is a fat man - Wun Fat Gai



Anyone got more of these?

[MikoKikyo]

Originally Posted by Thyrz

Anyone got more of these?

This isn't true - Yu lai

Let me go - Po Mi Dau

Be serious now - Dum Bi Shinli

[Shay]

George Bush was just told about how Al jazeera was showing the American troups doing nothing but good work.

George Bush's answer to this was "Good old Al! Tell him I wanna meet him"

[Shay]

Great stuff! That is very good, I like it.

See now this is worth good rep.

Very funny indeed!

[hobobaggins]

It. Lives. Again.

funny

stuff

all around

Love him or hate him, most people can surely agree on at least one thing about President Bush: He's been great for political comedy. Whether butchering the English language, choking on pretzels, smoking out evildoers, or strutting around in a flight suit, Bush has provided a steady supply of comic fodder over the last four years.

Here are the 100 best late-night jokes from Bush's first term, from the 2000 election deadlock to the showdown with Saddam to his current reelection bid.

in honor of the upcoming election.

[Green²]

Spoiler for eVoting:

[ShadowX114]

Ever wonderd how Counter-Strike geeks & freaks play the game? Well, check the link

Spoiler for WARNING: lots of F... words:

http://www.pwned.nl/

[dragonz20]

http://www.despair.com/indem.html

goto this link and check all the different posters on the right.

when i become my own boss, i'll buy a few of these and hang 'em up...

[Meow]

When you can make your own, using photoshop ?

[dragonz20]

why make my own when i'll be rich enough to buy whatever i want. work like that are for peons my friend... peons...

[Tzurial]

I laughed when I read the limitations one...and then I cried. Hell if it isnt exacty how I feel right now. Who knew me and penguins had so much in common, which is a little comforting I guess