Dating

[Falcon1991]

Originally Posted by Narona

There are also some girls who go in that kind of shops to buy videogames XD.

Oh, that reminds me. I bought my first bit of manga in ten years last week, while I was browsing, I saw a girl there around my age looking too. Its probably due to me being socially inept but I was pleasantly surprised to see another person there who loved manga, in the same city as me, in the same country.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Falcon1991

Oh, that reminds me. I bought my first bit of manga in ten years last week, while I was browsing, I saw a girl there around my age looking too. Its probably due to me being socially inept but I was pleasantly surprised to see another person there who loved manga, in the same city as me, in the same country.

I said that because your sentence was sounding like no girls go there to buy videogames XD

If you go to Paris someday, visit the mangas department of the FNAC, you should see some girls there. The few times that I go there, I was not alone.

[Falcon1991]

That sounds good. Though one day I want to go to animé/manga's big daddy itself: Japan.

I'm going to be buying 'Japanese Coach' for my DS soon. So I'll learn the basics.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Falcon1991

That sounds good. Though one day I want to go to animé/manga's big daddy itself: Japan.

I'm going to be buying 'Japanese Coach' for my DS soon. So I'll learn the basics.

I would like to visit Japan too, but not to meet some guys, just because it seems to be a beautiful country.

I really really like what I have seen of Tokyo, Kyoto and some other places from many documentaries and from photos that took my friends.

About what I've seen from it, the mangas/videogames stores are awesome

That's a bit offtopic XD

[Xvoki]

Originally Posted by Narona

I deleted my post, but finally I want to post it again. I don't know if it can still work with the people of our current generation, but my parents have 10 years apart from each other and are still in love and happy.

I know many relationships where the age limit is 10 or more years apart. I personally don’t think to days generation is any different. I guess people do tend do find relationships with others of similar age, but its certainly not universal. Age has no limits in love.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Falcon1991

I wish there was a girl who I knew who actually liked anime and video games.

*coughthisforumandotheranimeforumscoughoranimecons cough*

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

They exist. They're just exceedingly rare. And they're usually already snapped up especially if they're cute into the mix. I should know.

We are?
Yeesh I'm a computing and japanese graduate, spent 6-7 years being surrounded by 90% males in all my compting classes.
For 6th form (age 16-19), we just messed around on the internet. For uni, well uni had deadlines and stuff, no time to socialise per say, we just got down to work.
But let's just say that the 'nice girl' syndrome exists
(And rather it was the cute guys that had the girlfriends already) >.>
Not to mention, once guys started talking about computer games, the internet, technology or football even, there was usually no stopping them xD
Which was fine by me, but you can see it just means we got along purely on shared interests and that's about it.

Originally Posted by Amray

Do not let my hopes down.....

Out of all seriousness though, the outcome of a relationship does not necassarily have anything to do with the age of the two persons involved, but instead the way in which they both act, not just towards one another, but also naturally. There are lots of people out there in the world and they are all different.

I have met some very mature young females, probably even more so maturer than myself (maybe) and I know that they could probably make a relationship work out fine, then it would depend on the male. If the male was responsible and was very caring, let is use...me as an example, I think that their relationship would work perfectly despite there being quite an age difference.

Again, I do not think that age is an important issue in cases such as this, especially when regarding a relationship.

Within the teenage decade it makes a difference. I remember this having been discussed before.
But that's such a volitile age, where someone who's 16 going out with someone who's 21 are in completely different life stages, mainly via education (and she's still developing, whereas you may be more settled with yourself)
For a relationship to survive those changes, the chances are very low.

If she's 18 and you're 23, then yes, the general acceptance and chances of working increase some, she may be at uni by then and you may be working, so evenings and weekends usually are the time when a couple can spend time together (using an example from a friend with a fiance who's 7-8 years older than her)
But during high school or 6th form, it's difficult, she would be experiencing new things, seeing new people, being surrounded in new environments, growing up, things you've already experienced and done.
Her energies may transfer over to other activities instead of a relationship, there are quite a few reasons, but yes age does play a factor.
Not just in terms of maturity, but simply in terms of life stages.

If it's the case where like back in the 60's, 70's, the woman is going to be an immediate housewife with no other role but to serve her husband (with no other ambitions of her own) then yes, she can dedicate all her time and efforts to the relationship while the male works.
But in this day and age, both genders are out there, chasing dreams and desires, at 16 and 21, it will be diificult to sustain a relationship.
What also tends to happen is that you simply grow apart as you both mature in your respective enviroments.

If your relationship survives for another 3 years (so she's 19) and you guys are still strong then kudos to you both, but you have a tough time on your hands (as you're probably experiencing already), I wish you well with it.

Not saying it can't be done, but as someone who is viewing this objectively, I'm just telling you like it is, no sugarcoating.

[Narona]

I don't think that anyone said that it happens often, just that it happens sometimes even if it's really rare.

I know it's not the same generation but my mother is not so old, when she met my father she was 15... (sorry mom if you read this [you will not but who knows] but it's for the sake of this discussion) and she never was his "slave" . The word is too strong, but your sentence sounds like the women didn't have the right to say anything and such.:

the woman is going to be an immediate housewife with no other role but to serve her husband (with no other ambitions of her own)

(And being an husband's slave (sorry ) was not common in the 60's 70's here [for the people who married at that time]. Was it like this in Japan?)

She just had different dreams and goals from the majority. A bit like me. I don't want to be a star or have the best job ever, I just dream about having what I call a normal life.

And I don't think I am alone in my generation even if it's rare. As i said to you by PM, if I had met "that guy", when I was 15, then I would have tried to stay with him no matter what, since my view about that is not so different from when I was younger.

[Mystique]

I didn't use the word 'slave' - i said 'for women who want to serve their husbands with no other ambitions of their own.'
Being a dutiful housewife is an ambition and that's what she wants to concentrate on then fine, as I'm guessing that's what your mother did, she poured all her energy into the relationship for your father with nothing else in mind.
I used that example as being the case where marriages and relationships tend to last when the girl is like 15/16 and the guy 21 and older, otherwise, there's too many external factors that happen nowdays that dissuade one person away from focusing as much as they used to in a relationship with someone they care about.

But like you said, you would have tried to stay with him no matter what.
(Given up education? Take a part time job? Look after the house? At 15?)
It's still a sacrifice of sorts, and a risk to invest yourself into the relationship. As Ledgem said, don't fall into the trap of deluding yourself if something were to go wrong.
And as I said, once the inital desires of marriage and kids are achieved, what else is there between the two of you that'll keep the relationship strong after 10-15 years?
Apart from being a housewife and mother, what other skills and interests would you have? Would you have the time to learn about yourself, to develop anything new?

In the UK, the housewife was celebrated via the media during those times, though more during he 40's and 50's I guess (before the swinging sixties hit)
In Japan, there are many many reports on BBC, of wives now divorcing their husbands after finishing raising the kids and looking after the house while the husband worked all hours, there was nothing between her and her husband, he was like a stranger to her.
So they divorce and persue their own lives and hobbies, which doesn't necesarilly mean they find another man, but they finally start doing things simply for themselves, since they decided to set that aside at the young age that they got married.

[Kakashi]

If my girlfriend knew I watched anime in my spare time, she would dump me. In a way I look down on her for not dumping me already.

[Ledgem]

Shared interests and hobbies are what makes great friends. I don't think you should base a relationship off of it. You want to be able to do things with your significant other, but I think there are more important aspects to worry about. If those aspects are in place, then shared activities and interests will likely come naturally.

If nothing else and your significant other isn't into anime/videogames, make sure to get your children into it early (Sort of a joke)

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Kakashi

If I told my girlfriend I watched anime in my spare time, she would dump me. In a way I look down at her for not dumping me already.

And you're with her because....?
(At least, I'd think she'd respect your hobbies, if not follow them)

Or is this just your pessimistic assumption and you've not actually approached the subject yet?

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Mystique

I didn't use the word 'slave' - i said 'for women who want to serve their husbands with no other ambitions of their own.'
Being a dutiful housewife is an ambition and that's what she wants to concentrate on then fine, as I'm guessing that's what your mother did, she poured all her energy into the relationship for your father with nothing else in mind.
I used that example as being the case where marriages and relationships tend to last when the girl is like 15/16 and the guy 21 and older, otherwise, there's too many external factors that happen nowdays that dissuade one person away from focusing as much as they used to in a relationship with someone they care about.

What I was trying to say is that no one forced her. She had to move with him when he left Slovakia, since he was not slovak.

The way you're saying things, in my eyes, sounds depressing and not positive at all. I can't talk for her, but she never thought she was limited by my father, nor my father asked her to be like this or like that. And most of all, she had and has a life full of happiness (and if someday she wants to study again, she can) So it's not like she didn't have the right to choose. She always had that right. And my father is not the kind of men who would force someone to something. I'm a bit biased because it's my father, but he's great.

And on another subject, even if some girls even now want to become an housewife, it's an ambition. Not maybe the kind of ambition you like but it's not nothing nor disgraceful.

But like you said, you would have tried to stay with him no matter what.
(Given up education? Take a part time job? Look after the house? At 15?)
It's still a sacrifice of sorts, and a risk to invest yourself into the relationship. As Ledgem said, don't fall into the trap of deluding yourself if something were to go wrong.
And as I said, once the inital desires of marriage and kids are achieved, what else is there between the two of you that'll keep the relationship strong after 10-15 years?
Apart from being a housewife and mother, what other skills and interests would you have? Would you have the time to learn about yourself, to develop anything new?

When did I say that? In France you can find many students who have children and many don't stop studying.

When the boy is a bit older (and so works in most case), some are already married but don't stop studying either.

In my case I don't think I would have stopped studying just like that, if I had a baby with that person, yes but it would have been my choice, but maybe not definitely and not before finishing highschool at least. In France you can return to university even after one or some years. So babies and marriage are not an obstacle here.

I also find myself interested of having great housewife skills (taking care of children, babies, cooking etc.), but that doesn't mean I stop studying.

Also, since I replied to a PM just now, I am not an "idealist" (even if I have some ideals, like marriage and babies) nor stupid. Even if I meet someone who could be the right guy, he will have to wait a long time before having sex with me and getting married since I would want to be sure that he could be the right person. I am not the kind of person to marry someone after 1 month . I don't believe that everything is easy nor that everyone is nice. That's the total opposite.

Also, if some person want to stop studying to become a housewife/husband, if they are happy like that, I don't see any problem. We can't judge people without knowing them nor guessing if they are happy or not. I guess that some housewifes have even a more happy life that some other women who don't want to be an housewife.

In the UK, the housewife was celebrated via the media during those times, though more during he 40's and 50's I guess (before the swinging sixties hit)
In Japan, there are many many reports on BBC, of wives now divorcing their husbands after finishing raising the kids and looking after the house while the husband worked all hours, there was nothing between her and her husband, he was like a stranger to her.
So they divorce and persue their own lives and hobbies, which doesn't necesarilly mean they find another man, but they finally start doing things simply for themselves, since they decided to set that aside at the young age that they got married.

That's not the case here for most of the couple from 60's / 70's. Thanks for the infos about japan though

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

If nothing else and your significant other isn't into anime/videogames, make sure to get your children into it early (Sort of a joke)

I like that idea...

Originally Posted by Mystique

And you're with her because....?
(At least, I'd think she'd respect your hobbies, if not follow them)

Or is this just your pessimistic assumption and you've not actually approached the subject yet?

Neither, that was just a joke. I made her watch an episode of Death Note so she didn't question my maturity, while saving Naruto for another time.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Xvoki

Who said making a relationship work is easy? But it can and has been done by thousands of people the world over.

The important thing, I think, is that the persons must have the right to choose. If no one force them, if they decide something, then no one has the right to judge them nor to say if their life will not be good till they are proved wrong (if it happens).

And I am not an idealist. I have ideals in life but I am not an idealist who think that Life is easy and filled with pink color full of nice persons.

[Samari]

Interesting thing happened Halloween night. I was attending an extra practice session of drawing at my school after hours and I got out around 9:00pm. As I was walking the streets of San Francisco to take me back home to retire for the evening I see loads of people just walking the streets in their respective costumes preparing for whatever activities they were planning. I went in a grocery store before getting on the bus to buy some bread. As I was in line to purchase my merchandise I see two Taiwanese girls who attend SF State and comment on how cool their costumes looked. They were wondering where mine was. I told them that I didn't have one and wasn't planning on doing anything for the evening. I was going to go home and basically "study" some more...especially since I had work the next day at 9:45am. They insisted that I should be out partying and have some fun. It was apparently their first Halloween in America and they were very stoked. I could tell by the six pack of Corona they placed on the conveyor belt. As I got on the bus afterwards, seeing all the people on the streets preparing to have fun...I kept finding myself bothered by my plans for the evening...which was nothing. After the 15 minute bus ride I unpacked my things and called my friend who also attends SF state and told him that I would be coming over there to basically have some fun after all. Earlier I had mentioned that I probably wasn't in line for anything special. But it appears the words of two total strangers in a food store changed my mind.

So I end up hopping on the Muni (public transportation in San Francisco) and take it all the way to SF State. I go to Academy of Art so most of my buildings are all the way on the other side of San Francisco. The entire trip takes about nearly an hour. I see a lot of interesting costumes on the way and people dressed in the same manner...if you've been to San Francisco on this day you'll know what I mean.

Arriving at SF State I meet up with one of my best friends, Steven, and basically chill with some friends from his school. A few I've never met before and a few others that I've been acquainted with once or twice. One of those acquaintances was a very cute Chinese girl who I found attractive, but never really chased after her too much...since we go to different schools and quite frankly, I'm a very busy individual like everyone else.

Long story short, we're both at the same party...which is kind of dying down like every other one around the campus due to strict security patrol by the school and local law enforcement. She was drunk to put it mildly. Not to the point of throwing up or being extremely drowsy, but clearly not herself. We start talking and after some playful flirting she takes me by surprise and suddenly we're making out on the couch. Now...apparently she had just broken up with her boyfriend either that day or the day before who I don't believe goes to the same college. And she was drunk at the time like I mentioned. I figured this was her way of letting off some emotion and she probably wouldn't remember it in the morning anyways. I'm no psychologist but that's my assumption.

I find myself at my job the next morning. It was a quite busy afternoon today. It was raining very hard and people were in high demand for rain jackets. Retail Armageddon aside, I found myself at times being unable to concentrate on work. For some reason, the events of the previous night were bothering me. I'll be straight-forward with my persona. I'm an ethical man. I live my life based on the morals and values I grew up on and use them as guidance to make most of my decisions in life. Which I take pride in. That being said, it's most likely that I feel guilty for the actions I proceeded with on Halloween with this drunk "acquaintance" of mine. Like cheating on a test or something. And I suppose you could say that I really find this girl attractive to a good degree, and when she's sober she seems quite nice from the few times I've met her. Yet I still couldn't stop my desire. Quite pathetic if I do say so myself. I'm going back to SF State tonight to celebrate the birthday of someone there. If I see her again I'm going to act like everything is normal. If she talks to me about it, I'll acknowledge it, but I won't jump all over her about it. The facts are that she was quite drunk and broke up with her boyfriend that day or very recently.

[Mystique]

@ Narona & Xvoki - Don't forget that my initial reply was to Amray who made the statement that 'age doesn't matter if a couple want to be together.' The example of young girls being long term housewives and mothers was an example used in cases where in those situations relationships tend to last for a long long time.
That's a good thing in my book, the point being, someone out of the two will have to set their ambitions of a career or a degree or pursuing a sport full time at age 15, 16, 17 if they want to dedicate their full time to a relationship. (typically)

Of course in the huge wide world, diff cultures and practices exist, so each situation is a little different. Amray's from the same country and same society as me (unless he recently moved there) - so my examples and references largely refer to UK/American culture where women have so much choice and opportunity to experience so much during their teens, a lot of relationships end up being light or lasting for a short while for reasons I stated before where age does play a factor.
But sometimes sharing life ideals and love isn't enough.
Short of eloping somewhere else, there's usually family issues to deal with and at age 15, 16 where you're not legally an adult, parents have a good way to making life so much more complicated.

Sorry if I have a 'negative' tone to my posts, lol - it's more the things I say are factors in life that aren't so pretty, aren't so nice and more than often are enough to dissolve a relationship; I'm just someone who kinda lays it on the table. Amray's feeling frustrated with the hassle he's currently facing and I'm explaining 'why age does and can be an issue'.
But you did (or didn't) notice that I wish him well and I also said 'doesn't mean it can't be done'.
It can; however where relationships are hard work, elements like that make somedays unbearable. It requires a hell of a lot of emotional and mental energy to keep persisting and for some people, despite all their ideals, wishes and ambitions to be together forever, they burn out and cannot continue with the relationship, hence age wise perhaps more often than not a relationship breaks down or the couple mutually split without too many hard feelings.

@ Samari - oooooooh, it's one of those huh
She's somewhat heartbroken and intoxicated and you guys end up making out.
That usually counts for nada in my book, but it isn't so much what happened as much as 'what's gonna happen now?'
- What is her personality like when sober? Is she generally a serious and mature student? What kind of crowd does she hang with? Does she seem shy by nature or generally out going?
I cannot speak for her or what she may be feeling (if she remembers), but most girls kinda regret that action too.
"Oh gosh, I kissed some random guy last night, I can't bear to face him. What if he thinks more of it? Was he just a rebound? What if he thinks I'm easy?"
Etc etc.

As for 'pathetic' - don't beat yourself up so much. You already are contemplating your actions and thinking of a suitable resolution, have assessed the situation at hand - that's a lot of mature points right there of which girls actually appreciate.
You're human, you make mistakes - the difference is whether you're a person who takes responsibility for them and you seem to be a guy who does.

Anyways, good luck future wise, hope things work out between you and her so it's not to awkward anymore.

[Waking_Dreamer]

@ Samari

Interesting story...I agree with Mystique its not too bad a situation.

As a guy I admit that would be a very tempting situation and if it is the first time you find yourself in that scenario, heck i would have done exactly the same thing. Actually, from what ive seen when girls are at that level of drunkness, yea they can act totally out of character...and the next day they have absolutely no recollection of the night before (or at least thats what they say...maybe they say that just to avoid awkwardness...hmm...) so i think your in the clear.

It would be interesting to see her reaction if you went up to her and said hi. She probably doesn't remember though.

Btw: was she a good kisser? ...just kidding never mind...

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Mystique

@ Narona & Xvoki - Don't forget that my initial reply was to Amray who made the statement that 'age doesn't matter if a couple want to be together.' The example of young girls being long term housewives and mothers was an example used in cases where in those situations relationships tend to last for a long long time.
That's a good thing in my book, the point being, someone out of the two will have to set their ambitions of a career or a degree or pursuing a sport full time at age 15, 16, 17 if they want to dedicate their full time to a relationship. (typically)

You're forgetting the other possibilities. A girl of 16 who becomes the girlfriend of a guy who is 20 doesn't mean she will instantly becomes a housewife and will abandon everything else.

I said that "ages" because I know at least one couple of my generation who met at that age. She never gave up highschool, she entered university after two years later, and got married two years after that. they are happy/. So maybe you tend to see only the bad solutions and the bad sides of some things. When I read you, it's like it's impossible. It feels like reading a sad person who only see the bad sides (sorry). In my case, i prefer to be optimistic and see that in some cases it ends up really well.

And again, don't look down at the girls who make the choice to become housewife whatever their age. It's not simple and in my opinion, a girl who make a career choice or other things like that is not better and can end up less happy. Wanting to be a housewife and/or a mother at home is also an Ambition (It feel like that you didn't read my last post)

Of course in the huge wide world, diff cultures and practices exist, so each situation is a little different. Amray's from the same country and same society as me (unless he recently moved there) - so my examples and references largely refer to UK/American culture where women have so much choice and opportunity to experience so much during their teens, a lot of relationships end up being light or lasting for a short while for reasons I stated before where age does play a factor.
But sometimes sharing life ideals and love isn't enough.
Short of eloping somewhere else, there's usually family issues to deal with and at age 15, 16 where you're not legally an adult, parents have a good way to making life so much more complicated.

Again, sorry to repeat myself, but you see only the bad cases. It's not like if every couples end up with problems, nor like if all the people want to experience many things. I am not interested myself in many things, that doesn't mean i don't enjoy life and such.

We have many opportunities, but it depends on each people if they want to experience them or not. For instance, I was not interested to experience some things in my teens, that doesn't mean i am an idiot, while some other girls made the choice to experience many things, that sometimes in my case when I hear about that, disgust me. So each people see things differently.

Sorry if I have a 'negative' tone to my posts, lol - it's more the things I say are factors in life that aren't so pretty, aren't so nice and more than often are enough to dissolve a relationship; I'm just someone who kinda lays it on the table. Amray's feeling frustrated with the hassle he's currently facing and I'm explaining 'why age does and can be an issue'.
But you did (or didn't) notice that I wish him well and I also said 'doesn't mean it can't be done'.
It can; however where relationships are hard work, elements like that make somedays unbearable. It requires a hell of a lot of emotional and mental energy to keep persisting and for some people, despite all their ideals, wishes and ambitions to be together forever, they burn out and cannot continue with the relationship, hence age wise perhaps more often than not a relationship breaks down or the couple mutually split without too many hard feelings.

Not in every cases. It's nice of you to expose the bad issues and problems, but not every cases is full of problems like that.

I don't say it's simple, but from what I can tell around me, a relationship with "normal" bases (same age etc.) can end up very badly or can have a lot of problems too.


edit: thanks Mystique

[Waking_Dreamer]

Originally Posted by Narona

@Samari

What worries me in your theory is that I wonder if You protected yourself. Because if she is not on the pills, she can get pregnant. And if she didn't remember how it happened, it's even worse...

Well, unless I missed it (which I dont think I would have) he only mentions making out right? Though Samari did you mean to imply you went further...?

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Waking_Dreamer

Well, unless I missed it (which I dont think I would have) he only mentions making out right? Though Samari did you mean to imply you went further...?

I thought he did it XD, sorry If i was wrong. I slept only two hours last night (was revising for a next week exam........ o my mind is not really clear)