AnimeSuki Forums

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-02, 05:28

Nevermind, looks like I'm going full drive with yet another fic, anyone interested please help me. Grammar, spicing the mood, anything.

It was the wincest AU story about slice of life (again) but this time withous mecha bullshit, but it's First Person POV. The cast as a whole is more or less based on Sacred Twins (so there will be OCs). What Kick start the plot is the arrival of Madoka to Orimura household... in less than sane condition

Eratas123 · 2012-09-02, 05:29

@ Senpai -Sure, what do you need help with? I just finished my next chapter of "This Means war!", so I'm free for now.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-02, 05:34

The opening scene is Ichika took a level in badass by completing a 100-man Kumite. Then went straight to Houki's national Kendo tournament.

Should I keep the characterization as normal or not?

Eratas123 · 2012-09-02, 05:39

Make him more straightforward and less lazy.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-02, 05:46

Less lazy is somewhat understatement, in fact, he might actually a mild example of broken ace.

In fact, this is the reason he cannot comprehend the kind of romance a teen has to experience... until he met his sister that is, which is another can of worm.

the main theme is a conflict about different kinds of love, how to distinguish them, and how they could overlap.

Eratas123 · 2012-09-02, 05:48

So he ignores Houki, Rin, and Ran as possible romances?

Side note - Can a 15 year old drive a motorcycle properly?

DarkJak2050 · 2012-09-02, 05:51

[Yawns]

Spoiler for Silverback "Strength Test":

Good night...

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-02, 05:52

@ Eras
Averted actually, Ichika's own plot is more or less subconscious quest for true love. (if that sound diabetic, don't forget that I tend to balance dark and fluffiness) But yes, Madoka more or less started it.

Yes, they can, very common in third-world countries like us, especially if the law enforcement is a bit lacking. However, the risk is that they tend to be more reckless than proper adult.

@ Jak
So at least they can carry Humvee individually, interesting.

Eratas123 · 2012-09-02, 05:56

@ Jak - That's pretty strong

@ Senpai - So why doesn't he ask any of them out?

Side note - Can you hotwire a motorcyle?

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-02, 06:03

No, it doesn't go straight to that. Though indeed, he did spend time with them in what could be considered a date in all but name during the course of the story.

My plan for his character development is for him to grow actual motivation as well as understanding the values of different relationship.

Hotwiring is easy, just take time.

Eratas123 · 2012-09-02, 06:07

so......he's like an empty shell?

Side note - Wonder if Saito should get arrested considering he jacks motorcycles every few jobs.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-02, 06:14

Exactly

So he pull a Jackie Chan

Eratas123 · 2012-09-02, 06:21

While Madoka's a yandere :x

Side note - A what?

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-02, 06:26

Disfunctional family in a nutshell, probably not as bad as Evangelion, PROBABLY.

I mean he pull this

Eratas123 · 2012-09-02, 06:34

@ Senpai - What about their parents?

Side note - He steals a lot of things

He ended up stealing a gun once in order to avoid a criminal from getting off free

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-02, 06:38

Much more stable really, but well, you know....

Kleptomaniac hero at it's finest

demino_hellsin · 2012-09-02, 06:42

If one would write character death. Who would have it coming?

Eratas123 · 2012-09-02, 06:44

Autumn, no doubt.

Gotta go.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-02, 06:49

Autumn first and foremost

Or maybe, Mauve shirt OCs

demino_hellsin · 2012-09-02, 06:55

...I kind of imagine then it would involve Squall professing that she only kept Autumn enough for kicks until she could get the real prize, Chifuyu. Or at least as close as she could get(Madoka)

2012-09-02, 05:28	Link #36321
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Nevermind, looks like I'm going full drive with yet another fic, anyone interested please help me. Grammar, spicing the mood, anything. It was the wincest AU story about slice of life (again) but this time withous mecha bullshit, but it's First Person POV. The cast as a whole is more or less based on Sacred Twins (so there will be OCs). What Kick start the plot is the arrival of Madoka to Orimura household... in less than sane condition __________________

2012-09-02, 05:29	Link #36322
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai -Sure, what do you need help with? I just finished my next chapter of "This Means war!", so I'm free for now. __________________

2012-09-02, 05:34	Link #36323
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	The opening scene is Ichika took a level in badass by completing a 100-man Kumite. Then went straight to Houki's national Kendo tournament. Should I keep the characterization as normal or not? __________________

2012-09-02, 05:39	Link #36324
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Make him more straightforward and less lazy. __________________

2012-09-02, 05:46	Link #36325
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Less lazy is somewhat understatement, in fact, he might actually a mild example of broken ace. In fact, this is the reason he cannot comprehend the kind of romance a teen has to experience... until he met his sister that is, which is another can of worm. the main theme is a conflict about different kinds of love, how to distinguish them, and how they could overlap. __________________

2012-09-02, 05:48	Link #36326
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	So he ignores Houki, Rin, and Ran as possible romances? Side note - Can a 15 year old drive a motorcycle properly? __________________

2012-09-02, 05:51	Link #36327
DarkJak2050 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011	[Yawns] Spoiler for Silverback "Strength Test": “Alright, since you guys have the basic movements down from last night, we’re moving on to the next stage in mobility training.” “And what would that be, Doc?” “Sprint training, Brian; you guys are going to be doing for today’s training.” Tezla did say that one of the basic functions of the Silverback is that it allows you to run faster. Guess he wants us to move onto that. “You guys were able to get the hang of moving around in the Silverbacks last night because the first stage of the mobility training mainly comprised of the basic movement you guys do to get around every day in your life, and that’s walking.” “And you want to want us to do Sprint training out here because..." "There's a lot more room out there. If you guys were to do the Sprint training down here in my lab, you’re likely to crash and cause unnecessary damage to the lab.” No argument here… “We could start the Sprint training now using the vehicular testing field, but those wrecked humvees and tanks are going to be an issue. So you guys are going to have to get some of those wrecks cleared out before you guys can start.” “And how the hell are we supposed to do that?” Sideswipe was taking a good look at his Silverback’s arms as though he’s a bit disgusted because they don’t look ‘muscular’. Not just him but mine and Ratchet’s as well. “Just grab hold of the wreckages, and lift.” Just as when Tezla said it, Ratchet took a look at a wrecked humvee and tanks, then back at his Silverback. “The Doc should know better than us that these wrecks are no feather weights; the weight of these humvees range from 2,340-2,680 Kg. (5,200-5,900 Lbs.). And the wrecks of these tanks aren’t any lighter either, with some of them weighing up to that of an M1 Abrams Tank at 61,326 Kg. (135,200 Lbs)! That’s around 25-30 times heavier; not so good unless if you want multiple hernias.” He’s got a point there. Not unless if we’re forgetting something… “Remember that one of the other basic functions of the Silverbacks is that it can allow you to hit harder than your enemies. That right there comes from strength provided by the Silverback Spark…” While Telza’s in the middle of his explanation, Scourge grabbed hold of a wrecked humvee by its front grill. “… If it allows you to hit harder than your enemies…” “Hugh!” The sounds of metal creaking and moaning resonated throughout the test field as he lifted the wreck off the ground. “… then it’ll allow you to lift heavy objects that normally require heavy machinery to do so.” “Ho ho, yeah, who needs a fork lift now?” Not only Scourge picked up the wrecked humvee with ease, but he also held it high up above his head. If he can do that, so can we… “Tezla, where do you want us to put the wrecks?” “Just put them right by the mechanic shop, but don’t stack them in a huge pile. I got something in mind with those.” “Roger, Tezla. We’ll get right to it.” “Oh and one more thing; you might need to assist each other with some those tanks.” “Uh-huh…” Not wanting to waste any more time, we all got to work and began clearing some of the wrecks out of the testing field. Good night...

2012-09-02, 05:52	Link #36328
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	@ Eras Averted actually, Ichika's own plot is more or less subconscious quest for true love. (if that sound diabetic, don't forget that I tend to balance dark and fluffiness) But yes, Madoka more or less started it. Yes, they can, very common in third-world countries like us, especially if the law enforcement is a bit lacking. However, the risk is that they tend to be more reckless than proper adult. @ Jak So at least they can carry Humvee individually, interesting. __________________

2012-09-02, 05:56	Link #36329
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Jak - That's pretty strong @ Senpai - So why doesn't he ask any of them out? Side note - Can you hotwire a motorcyle? __________________

2012-09-02, 06:03	Link #36330
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	No, it doesn't go straight to that. Though indeed, he did spend time with them in what could be considered a date in all but name during the course of the story. My plan for his character development is for him to grow actual motivation as well as understanding the values of different relationship. Hotwiring is easy, just take time. __________________

2012-09-02, 06:07	Link #36331
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	so......he's like an empty shell? Side note - Wonder if Saito should get arrested considering he jacks motorcycles every few jobs. __________________

2012-09-02, 06:14	Link #36332
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Exactly So he pull a Jackie Chan __________________

2012-09-02, 06:21	Link #36333
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	While Madoka's a yandere :x Side note - A what? __________________

2012-09-02, 06:26	Link #36334
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Disfunctional family in a nutshell, probably not as bad as Evangelion, PROBABLY. I mean he pull this __________________

2012-09-02, 06:34	Link #36335
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - What about their parents? Side note - He steals a lot of things He ended up stealing a gun once in order to avoid a criminal from getting off free __________________

2012-09-02, 06:38	Link #36336
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Much more stable really, but well, you know.... Kleptomaniac hero at it's finest __________________

2012-09-02, 06:42	Link #36337
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	If one would write character death. Who would have it coming?

2012-09-02, 06:44	Link #36338
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Autumn, no doubt. Gotta go. __________________

2012-09-02, 06:49	Link #36339
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Autumn first and foremost Or maybe, Mauve shirt OCs __________________

2012-09-02, 06:55	Link #36340
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	...I kind of imagine then it would involve Squall professing that she only kept Autumn enough for kicks until she could get the real prize, Chifuyu. Or at least as close as she could get(Madoka)