How is MariMite part in your life?

[Confessa]

Originally Posted by Stephanie

Anyway, sorry false info.. I'm back

I've been absent for 2 weeks in my university for a while.. I just felt that I just want everyone to leave me alone for a while (friends, family, etc.) even if everyone's nice and so.. And no, it's not socially speaking..

I dunno, I just had emptiness within me for this following days, I thought it was already our finals, turns it's still next week.. blah.. never mind!

Ok, so how is Maria-sama part of your life?

LOL I have that feeling too, when I wish that the world would just leave me alone, and if anyone talks, I feel like screaming and running away. It last from a few hours to a few days to a few months even. Lucky I have my own room and radio, so I can shut myself up and leave the radio blasting music.

Maria-sama isnt too big a part of my life right now. I just wanna read the novels..

[Stephanie]

@AnimeJock
The reason I thought you were a guy was not because of your name (my name in different forums always make people think I'm a guy )
What made me thought so was because you said you have wife.. So I thought, you know.. lol!

Anyway, no.. Sei didn't abandon Shimako at all.. The truth is she's been keeping an eye on Shimako all along.. (Her meeting with Noriko reveals so)
It's just that, Sei was hurt too bad, and it scared her to depend on the 2nd person she cared about that came to her life again for it to go all over.. (I posted this somewhere, sorry I don't feel like explaining today.. )

Anyway, I'm curious, tell me the story about you and your wife's life.. I'm sure you guys went through a lot, eh?

@Bonjour
Hmm, well I'm not really convinced with that quote, didn't really hit me like "THE TRUTH" or something.. So I guess it's not true with why I'm feeling like this..

I view around the general discussions in "General Chat" here, and people talk about being a 'Hikikomori and so on (Click here for link)

At first, I couldn't figure out WHY the hell this is happening to me.. I didn't want to admit it, but it may be the case for me..

So, I ran over a check on myself for possible reasons why I'm like this:
Link to a random account I made because I was to embarrassed to ask myself

So, those were the things I feel that were bringing me down.. But something's weird though, I don't really feel extreme sadness or so on..

Until I googled it up today and search for psychology of a hikikomori (w/c, mind you, over millions of Japanese teenagers are suffering.. Basically, Hikikomori is trapping yourself from everyone.)

Reasons so far were found were:
*Abusive/Emotionless parents
*Pressure being put on the individual

And, I guess didn't really hit me hard, the reason I found myself a 'Hikikomori' is because of 'pressure' I was experiencing.. Now that dad was gone, me and my mom have to find a way to survive..

Before, I was hoping to be a very rich and successful entrepreneur (businesswoman) I avoided becoming an employee because finance cycle is the same, you earn, you spend, no more money.. (Higher salary, more expensive taste of needs) Being a business person breaks that barrier of endless cycle.

It was because I wanted to become a 'social entrepreneur' (Doesn't only teach the fisherman how to fish, but won't stop helping society until it is well off by itself) because I have dedicated my life to stopping poverty. I know, what can an individual like me do? But, I had this intuition that it's not impossible, and I then convinced myself that my life goal will now change from "Stopping Poverty" to "Influencing people to stopping poverty."

First of, I chose business so I could give my extra to the poor, more money more help, right? Then, I noticed, if I influence many people to become social entrepreneurs, how many thousands of folds can they do more than me? MANY!!

I have been able to talk and see right through people, so I thought I'd make a book, talking about "Life/Independency" then "Religion" then "Government", they key is about being open minded, and all this do lead to my point.

Now, going back, I am dropping college cause my mom will go bankrupt if she continues to pay for my tuition, so I am taking cinematography under one of the most famous cinematographer in the world, and FOR FREE!!

But, my mom constantly says I should get a job for money, and I have this pressure what if I cannot be a successful social entrepreneur and stuff.. So, I guess that's my pressure.. And never did it became really visible in my eyes..

Sorry if that was long..

@Confessa
Feeling anything the same? "Pressure" or something?

[AnimeJock]

Originally Posted by Stephanie

Anyway, no.. Sei didn't abandon Shimako at all.. The truth is she's been keeping an eye on Shimako all along.. (Her meeting with Noriko reveals so)
It's just that, Sei was hurt too bad, and it scared her to depend on the 2nd person she cared about that came to her life again for it to go all over.. (I posted this somewhere, sorry I don't feel like explaining today.. )

I saw the first season again last night, some of my opinions have changed slightly. I'll be able to comment on this tonight after I watch the second season. From what I see they both care for eachother very much but Shimako is similar to Yumi, she waits until she can't handle it anymore then she expresses herself. I really enjoyed the interaction between Shimako and Sei, and I think that's what the 2nd season was missing. Although, I did enjoy it very much, even though I was on the verge of tears over half of it.

[Confessa]

Originally Posted by Stephanie

@Confessa
Feeling anything the same? "Pressure" or something?

Nope, not pressure. It just happens. Stupid mood swings. Maybe it's the hormones. XDDD

[Bonjour]

To dear Steph,
Wow, I can't believe somebody with such heart of gold..
Though, I'm sure that now you figured it out, you are able to do something about it, ne? Cause somehow I perceived it's not like you to mope around in a corner, with all those dreams, I know you get to your feet quickly.

I'm not really sure what to say, but I'm glad you liked Maria-sama and I'm glad I was able to read your purpose and goals in life. Congrats on this cinematography, I know you deserve it for free..

@Confessa
Mood swings? How long have you been exactly locked up in your room? or away from everybody? This 'Hikikomori' interest me a lot..

[Yumi-san]

Originally Posted by AnimeJock

Stephanie, I'm a girl and I'm incredibly gay..haha. I can see how people get confused. So, I do know how she feels, I was pretty much there for a long time.

As for Sei's independence, I think in her own way she very much is. She is who she is and she doesn't really fall into any real category. The Shirori incident really screwed with her but I think she's really getting over it. The person I felt the worst for is Shimako, I really thought as though Sei abandoned her.

I'm incredibly lesbian too,but it's very hard to accept that, I always wonder who am I?When I fall in love with my honey, I didn't control myself, we shared a kiss, we only know each other, and we didn't worry about anything else (God, morality, rule v...v). Until now,I always wonder what we did is right or wrong, and sometimes I feel scared, very scared, and I felt that the death is good for me() but I am not brave to commit suicide. @ stephanie: I also want to become a rich businesswoman, and I also want to be a beautiful and charming girl(I want my honey to see that), hope I can do that. @AnimeJock : Can I make friend with you? Thank you everybody for reading my confidence.

[Confessa]

@Confessa
Mood swings? How long have you been exactly locked up in your room? or away from everybody? This 'Hikikomori' interest me a lot..

lol I'm not that susceptible to mood swings now. 2006 was the worst. I was feeling sick of everyone, I liked to be alone, I ignored people when they talked (gosh, I was so darn rude)...but that was at home. At school, when I was away from my family, I felt so relieved and free. I laughed and joked with my friends and was my regular self. That went on for around two months or more.

Now I'm okay, though I do have those hours when I feel sick of everyone and everything in the world and just wished I could close my eyes and escape. I just wanted to go to a place where I could be alone and everything went perfect.

I guess I just needed to get away from everyone. My parents and older brother were staying with me, and I absolutely despised hanging around with them when I was in my down mode. But I felt so happy when I saw my sister, who comesto visit every four or five months only. However, since I'm still young, there's no way I can go anyway to be alone.

lol, That was a rant about my feelings. What is Hikikomoro, by the way?

[Bonjour]

Yumi-san, looks like your whole world is dedicated to your 'honey'..
And no worries, people here are smart enough not to judge you or so,
it's who you are but why do you feel so unsafe and sad?

And to Confessa, I do think there's a reason why you're being like that


(lol, I'm acting on what Steph usually does )

As for what Hikikomori is, read Steph's post

[Stephanie]

@Bonjour
Ah thank you, and yes now that I figured it out, I am relieved and of course, now that I know the reason, I am able to finally end it..

I thank you for reading my post and for your concern.. n_n
*Touched, lol* It's like a support, after one has bruised her knee..

@AnimeJock
Go here: (Shimako & Sei stuff)

Originally Posted by Stephanie

Click the arrow

Bleh, couldn't find my other more detailed and unwondering mind post..

@Confessa
Perhaps you can enlighten us more about this.. I'm very curious about it..
It's ok if you want to be alone from everyone for a little while, but being alone more than a week, well.. Is kinda like what happened to me..

So how long have you been doing it? And how come you don't wanna see anyone for a while? (If it's ok for me to ask)

@Yumi-san
Ahh, yes, I made you last because I wanna concentrate on you most..

Until now,I always wonder what we did is right or wrong, and sometimes I feel scared, very scared, and I felt that the death is good for me() but I am not brave to commit suicide.

And why all this negativity? If you're with someone you love, shouldn't you be happy? And why has committing suicide entered your mind?

@stephanie: I also want to become a rich businesswoman, and I also want to be a beautiful and charming girl(I want my honey to see that), hope I can do that.

Umm, why do you want your 'honey' to see that? Do you wanna prove something to her? I see this as a sign of like, 'to be good enough for her' thing..

You should do that because you want to do so for yourself and your plans/goals NEVER EVER for other people..

I suppose you look for your partner to complete you, and guess what, you should stop that kind of belief, don't ever look for anyone to complete you, again, my never ending quote:

A relationship is suppose to be two whole individuals looking for a complimentary NOT a supplementary.

Meaning, you should be an independent person, and your partner is only there to love and support you, not to make you whole.

If you like, I'll even relate it with Marimite:
*Why is Rei and Yoshino practicing to be independent from each other?
*Why is Sei avoiding being dependent on Shimako?

The moment you lean on someone too emotionally, one is either that person will just end up hurting you or that person ends up leaving you.. And this is a fact.

Sorry if this is the first time I seem not to be kind but interrogating, because this happened to me 3 darn times, and 3 times I died.. I just wanna avoid you doing so, and yes, I guess even telling you this now and you doing it and listening to my advice is hard and you might just avoid it..

[Yumi-san]

And why all this negativity? If you're with someone you love, shouldn't you be happy? And why has committing suicide entered your mind?

Because when I thought of our future which may be hopeless, I can't stand living without my honey, and I really want to die.I thought of people around me, what will they treat me when they know the truth. Many many difficult and many sadness when you fall in love with the person who has the same sex .

@stephanie: I also want to become a rich businesswoman, and I also want to be a beautiful and charming girl(I want my honey to see that), hope I can do that.

People always want their lovers to have good qualities. Beautiful, pretty,talented, intelligent, rich v..v. When you fall in love with someone means you find out he/she has special beauty, and that makes you love him/her. In my opinion, a beautiful and talented girl can easily find love and keep your lover's heart. That's why I want to become a rich and pretty girl,I want to make my honey happy, I want to my honey say to me : You are the prettiest girl I love most.And I really want her to be proud of me.May I be foolish?

The moment you lean on someone too emotionally, one is either that person will just end up hurting you or that person ends up leaving you.. And this is a fact.

Sorry if this is the first time I seem not to be kind but interrogating, because this happened to me 3 darn times, and 3 times I died.. I just wanna avoid you doing so, and yes, I guess even telling you this now and you doing it and listening to my advice is hard and you might just avoid it..

Yes , I agree with you. If yoy lean on someone too emotionallyl, you will hurt when someone doesn't love you any more. But I can't control myself, maybe I,m very useless. Thank you for your advice , thank you very much

[Placid_Thunder_Cloud]

hmmm...

from the song "Greatest Love of All"
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I don't know how will that relate to anything here though...

well, perhaps, it's because, we can only truly love someone once we have learned to love ourselves...

[soranotsubasa]

@ Steph:
now i have the time to read the whole thread..last week was like hell w/ hw..ok that's put that aside..

Yes i'm asian haha...but that friend of mine is japanese XD
i think she resembles Shimako is b/c she has the japanese doll image and Shimako has the western doll image...so you can kinda figure it out..yes she's pretty from my standard haha~

but she moved back to japan and i don't have the feeling anymore...maybe b/c I thought it was impossible to just say "i like you" or sth like that so the feeling kinda died...tho she's stilll in me, but i think the love never existed from the beginning, you know?...

It's like when you just like pretty girls but they have diff. personalities or they're not interested in you and then you kinda give up?

From your point, i can see myself as not thinking of her as a lover, or i would say it wasn't love.

A relationship is suppose to be two whole individuals looking for a complimentary NOT a supplementary.

Meaning, you should be an independent person, and your partner is only there to love and support you, not to make you whole.

If you like, I'll even relate it with Marimite:
*Why is Rei and Yoshino practicing to be independent from each other?
*Why is Sei avoiding being dependent on Shimako?

but Steph, here i'm having a problem...
soo we should avoid being dependent to another, but how do you define dependent and independent?
and please tell me what does complimentary mean....and then i'll know if i'm being dependent or not =D

And when I accepted myself, a lot of people accepted me..

I REALLY AGREE w/ you on that! and i'm working towards that way too, first to accept myself~

After Shiori incident, she couldn't draw herself near Shimako for fear of being dependent again, and from all her actions (trying to make people laugh as Bonjour described, not being too near anyone, etc.), I just say she's on her way..

i'm not sure how do you see Sei as being dependent...yes this is a bit too deep for me haha
hope you can explain it to me Steph XD


@To farr5792
High Fiive!!! we can be friends then haha =D
i sometimes get attracted to older girls too..as they can be my sisters coz i only have a younger brother...
YES THEY MUST BE BEAUTIFUL!...i would say if anyone doesn't like pretty girls are weirdos haha....coz that't one of the true beauty!!! XD
I can see how come you reject your sempai...and i can see we're pretty mucch alike!! haha

I feel that Sachiko assemble me. When I like someone I hope she'll know what I feel about her without telling her. But, at the end they all gone like candle in the wind. Haha. I'm such a loser. When I watched MariMite I feel alive. Feels like there's someone out there that can make me happy. Haha..
I dont have a best friend. I wish I had one to share my feelings, someone more than a close friend. All this time, I kept all my feeling to myself alone, not even to my own mother.

you know~ i totally agree w/ you there...i also hope someone would know how i feel w/o me telling her...yes b/c i haven't found a lover yet, although it doesn't mean i'm a loser, but i feel alive watching MariMite too XDXD..
tho i do have a best friend, but i think sometimes it depends on how you define your feeling for a best friend...but i don't have a friend that's reaallly close to me..
AND this close-friend-relationship is just what i'm looking for!!

WE prob. can be good friends first XD, that's a good start ?!

[big_fan1704]

I do not know too

[Stephanie]

@Bigfan
lol, no we were already like that from the beginning, MariMite didn't made us wonder about it, it just made us more open as we saw the relationship of the girls are pure and positive, like there's nothing wrong with it.. Anyway, not all here are bi, some are straight

@Everyone
I'll get back on everyone's post when I get home later.. I just finished a project really heavy on my back, wanna watch it?

Spoiler:

Though, I made a mistake.. x_x
I put the picture of the 1st girl I loved before there (the 12 years old part) see, I made this
Video quite a long time ago when I haven't moved on, though I'll change it later after school..

RATE IT PLEASE!! I WORKED HARD ON IT!! XD
(Mind j00, this is a true story)

For now, ciao~!!!

[Yumi-san]

I really want to rate it, but it didn't play, I waited for it during 1 hour, it's only Bush , please check the link

[Stephanie]

Wahaha, I only had 2 hours of sleep for the whole 48 hours =P
Well, due to other projects, of course..

@Yumi-san
There, check it again.. n_n (still haven't edited it yet though)

Ok, now to continue where I last left..

@Yumi-san

Because when I thought of our future which may be hopeless, I can't stand living without my honey, and I really want to die. I thought of people around me, what will they treat me when they know the truth. Many many difficult and many sadness when you fall in love with the person who has the same sex .

Of course, I understand how it feels to fall inlove with the opposite sex.. You're forgetting I can also relate to you, and I do feel the same fears that you do.. But you see, you're too caught up in what other people will 'think' that you yourself have lived in fear..

One question, do you live your life for them? The answer is obviously a no, so why keep doing so?

Your future is not hopeless until you yourself appoint it to be hopeless. You know, just live your life.. Life's too short to give up things.. You can be as successful as you want, you're the only one who's bringing yourself down because you don't have confidence in yourself and you continue to live in fear.

One thing I really don't like about your posts are "I can't live without my honey" I can see you have fallen deeply inlove with this person (we all do once in a while), but making your existance only for her.. is.. a doom. I strongly fear what may happen if matters might come to worse, specially because you talk about suicide all the time..

People always want their lovers to have good qualities. Beautiful, pretty,talented, intelligent, rich v..v. When you fall in love with someone means you find out he/she has special beauty, and that makes you love him/her. In my opinion, a beautiful and talented girl can easily find love and keep your lover's heart. That's why I want to become a rich and pretty girl,I want to make my honey happy, I want to my honey say to me : You are the prettiest girl I love most.And I really want her to be proud of me.May I be foolish?

Why? If your lover suddenly became really ugly (say her face got screwed up) and she became really REALLY fat and a total bum (or the one who stays at home and does nothing), won't you love her anymore?

Yes , I agree with you. If you lean on someone too emotionally, you will hurt when someone doesn't love you any more. But I can't control myself, maybe I'm very useless .

Nah, it's just really hard of course to control emotions, but you must know, there are times when heart is too prioritized than the mind.. If you understand the quote I said before, then you should have no problem..

@Placid
Hello! Everyone, this is my friend, I told him to join the discussions.. n_n

@Sora
If you only like the person for the looks, then you just admire them or just simply attracted to them.. Doesn't mean you love them..




+Added Note:
Just to explain myself, when if ever, I have been struck with love with another girl and I can't stop what I'm feeling, I'll probably be okay with, find a job and live a normal life. I'm not wrong for loving another person, it's how I feel.. However, my rule is no physical anything (except maybe a kiss? I dunno) and that's how it's gonna be until marriage. (marriage only applies to me if it's an opposite sex)

[Yumi-san]

After watching your clip, I feel sad, displeased, and I really want to kill men calling themselves soldiers, How do they do that with a girl, can't tolerate, they're the beast not the human , hope they drop into the deepest part of the hell..Thank you for making a clip.

Continue ...

One thing I really don't like about your posts are "I can't live without my honey" I can see you have fallen deeply inlove with this person (we all do once in a while), but making your existance only for her.. is.. a doom. I strongly fear what may happen if matters might come to worse, specially because you talk about suicide all the time..

HiHi, don't worry , sometimes I think that, but I am trying to be independent, I won't die until I see the ending of Marimite hihi

Why? If your lover suddenly became really ugly (say her face got screwed up) and she became really REALLY fat and a total bum (or the one who stays at home and does nothing), won't you love her anymore?

Yes, I still love her, to me, she is the greatest person. Whatever happens, I always love her . But I'm not sure that if to her, I'm useless, does she still love me? I can't answer the question

Stephanie. It's very kind of you. Thank you for reading and replying me, can I make friend with you?

[Stephanie]

I can be anyone's friend, sure.. n_n

Though, make sure you're being independent because you want to not because people tell you.. You should only allow changes for yourself when you yourself want it.. Otherwise, it's self destruction.. n_n

Don't ever force yourself to do anything you don't want or not ready yet..

@Sora
Oh yeah, being "independent" means you don't look for anyone to complete you, it's like you can stand on your own ground.. n_n
(I'm not saying you avoid other people and stuff, I'm saying is no one can complete you but yourself )

[RavenHawk]

Steph, I just saw the video this morning, and oh boy I wasn't able to think straight for a while. Believe me after that I wanted to destroy something in the computer shop I was in, but I was able to compose myself, heck I had to play my metal music just for a "chaser".

[Placid_Thunder_Cloud]

Originally Posted by Stephanie

Why? If your lover suddenly became really ugly (say her face got screwed up) and she became really REALLY fat and a total bum (or the one who stays at home and does nothing), won't you love her anymore?

not that it's wrong to make yourself look presentable too...

Originally Posted by Stephanie

Though, make sure you're being independent because you want to not because people tell you.. You should only allow changes for yourself when you yourself want it.. Otherwise, it's self destruction.. n_n

Don't ever force yourself to do anything you don't want or not ready yet..

*agrees*